rate_review Reviews

This story is okay is pretty bland to be honest. It's very generic with it's premise (I.E.: Harry going 'dark' while having a twin or sibling that gets the 'Boy-Who/Girl-Who-Lived-Title' while he is being generally ignored by the world and amazingly, his own parents. And naturally, he has to be abused by someone. The only thing that wasn't cliche` was that he 1.) Didn't end up in Slytherin. 2.)Didn't end up with Malfoy.), not to mention it gets slightly confusing in a few chapters because you literally go from one person's point of view and without warning, move on something else entirely with no real desertion as to when or even how. (Such as in chapter four, you went from Rosier to Harry/Lucus going home for his welcome home party. It was very muddled.) The plot also seems to change in it's speed, meaning that one moment, you explain certain things and events in a nicely detailed fashion and good pace then the very next moment, it seems to speed through, making a person have to reread paragraph just to ensure they got what exactly was going on correctly.

Not to mention arguably, some people are OoC.

Overall, it really doesn't stand out but it's not so bad that it's cringe worthy either like most of the 'Harry has a twin/sibling' stories I've read.

UPDATE MORE PLEASE :D

Man, this was great! Everyone except Deimos are such mean jerks to Lucas. Honestly, to make it more interesting, Deimos should just take Lucas away, since Lucas' suppsed 'family' cares nothing for him.

Awesome work again!!!

Holy cow this is great! Keep up the excellent work!

I've gotta wonder, why didn't you tell us of the conversations between this new character and Harry before? It's the whole show, not tell principle - showing things through writing is much more appealing than just telling us readers. This sudden relationship seems very unplanned, and it would have been better if you'd written it happening, just maybe adding a small scene where they met each other, a couple of other scenes to show a developing relationship somewhere in the first chapters, or even as a flashback, or else it'll be harder for your readers to accept a relationship between Harry and Rosier. Also, descriptions of your characters need to be slowly told through story as opposed to character profiles - seriously, most readers will skip them, and not get a sense of what your character looks like, how he acts, etc. Slightly better chapter than the previous two, and I hope you add more in Harry's POV, you write it quite well.

This is an interesting story and I hope you continue with this until the end. The only thing I really have to say is that instead of giving a character description of Rosier, you should have integrated the description into the story. When Harry/Lucas and Rosier meet you could have Harry/Lucas describe him to us. As for the wand, you could always say that he pulled out his Yew wand and put a footnote with the rest of the description. It's just that the majority of people do not read the A/N and could have missed the description, and also you really should be putting it in your story.

On the other hand, I really enjoy reading this and am looking forward to your future updates.

I'm glad you stopped adding the specks about the children. It would have been better if you had just made a chapter dedicated to the specks of each person you wrote/added.

It's a good story, and I wonder what will happen now that people will see what had happened to Harry. What will happen to the Potters? Will they ever see the Lightening Bolt on his shoulder? Hope you can update soon!

hope you update soon
Can we have longer chapters

I'm not sure what happened with this chapter but it was kind of disjointed and quite unbelievable that for almost two years that a whole school would hate him along with the professors allowing all the things to go against him from the other students for saying that no one visited him. The fact that they forgot about him and that he wasn't there at the feast would have showed he spoke the truth.

Whoa, suddenly everything got really, really extreme, and you keep contradicting everything. I thought Black and Lupin were teaching DADA, yet Quirrel was? They don't take Care of Magical Creatures until year 3, by the way, and Hagrid didn't start teaching until then, anyway. Also, no-one would be that hateful, especially teachers. Professor Sprout & Hagrid have no reason to dislike Harry, nor does McGonagall. Lupin wouldn't have given Harry a detention, personal feelings aside (which, by the way, I don't get), because he's just too sensible. And why do Remus and Sirius suddenly hate Harry with a fiery passion, anyway? Nothing made sense in this chapter. I hope you change it, because I was actually enjoying this story. Sorry for the harsh criticism, but it needed to be said

Yikes!! I hope he ends up being ok. :(