rate_review Reviews

this story is AMAZING!!! I love how this story has developed! yes the first few chapters may seem a little dry to some readers but what great story doesn't have intro chapters?? Keep up your fantastic writing!! this story has come a very long way and i'm glad it has =]

I completely 100% agree witth mysticangel. I had to really force feed myself those first few chapters. you can definately condense it, or cut it out completely and really expand it in another story and post it under the original character section. As far as the later chapters are concerned, i LOVE where you're taking the story and how you're devloping the characters and the bond between hermion and sev, but maybe cut down on the amount of "beloved"'s? ;) but thats just me, great story!

I think my main issue with not being sucked into this story within the first couple chapters is that the new character you are introducing is VERY Mary-Sue. I'm not saying my opinion is correct, nor the only opinion out there, but I believe the strongest female lead (aka the one promptly introduced in the story, not to be taken as literal strength) should be the female in the pairing you are writing the story under in this fanfiction. Which in this case would be Hermione. Coming into the snape / hermione pairing section, I wasn't looking for an original character story and that's what you are showcasing with the opening chapters, see the problem? Not sure what your other readers think, but that's my issue with what you have going so far. I don't want to skip the information you have in those chapters, but I can't get myself to want to read it because I see no tie in with the female lead I DO want to read about. Your writing style and ideas are very poetic though, so I did appreciate that :) Thank you for writing!

hmmmm, read up to chpt. 5, not sure how I feel about it yet. seems to be going very slow for me.
will read more later, am exhausted -- but it does look like a promising read :)

The spelling errors in your summary may discourage people from reading your fic!

Hmm... I can't really say that the beginning of the story has tickled my fancy yet. The summary makes it sound spectacular. Who knows, maybe it will be. There was one line that I really liked, you said that Voldemort was going to test Severus' loyalty to the hilt and that metaphor seemed very intriguing to me. You have an interesting concept here. I shall read on, don't worry. I just wasn't floored by this starting chapter.

wow .... that was great i hope later you tell more about her backround ... please please update soon i would love to read more .. later for now

angel

wow that was awsome ... please please update soon i would love to read more ... later for now

angel