schedule
August 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Beautiful!!!
schedule
June 27, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hm. I think you need a comprehensive beta. The story idea needs a bit of hashing out -- right now there isn't much there, and it isn't terribly original. You could stand to revise the concept -- as it is, the characters come off as shallow and out of character. I don't feel like I'm reading about Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermione, et al -- they could be any generic teenagers in a teenybopper movie or novel. When writing, maybe you should ask yourself if you can really hear them saying the lines?
On a technical note, you switched from point of view to point of view in a odd way, and reading was a bit confusing. A beta can help with your dialogue and blocking and even out the areas where the reader might get confused. With a bit more work, you might be a good writer.
I don't want to discourage you -- as long as you love writing, and are willing to work on it, you can get much better. Right now, however, this feels like a very, very rough first draft and needs revision.
One good note? I did like that last line. I feel like the rest of the fic was thrown out, just to justify using it. I think you can do better.
On a technical note, you switched from point of view to point of view in a odd way, and reading was a bit confusing. A beta can help with your dialogue and blocking and even out the areas where the reader might get confused. With a bit more work, you might be a good writer.
I don't want to discourage you -- as long as you love writing, and are willing to work on it, you can get much better. Right now, however, this feels like a very, very rough first draft and needs revision.
One good note? I did like that last line. I feel like the rest of the fic was thrown out, just to justify using it. I think you can do better.