schedule
July 2, 2012 at 12:00 AM
You are doing a great job with your fic. It is hard to believe that this is your first fic.
Hermione definitely has a reason to be fearful. It is never a good idea to be a part of Lord Voldemort's plots. I am impressed she hasn't gone insane yet. With a mind like hers, it would be torture to not be able to occupy her mind.
Hermione definitely has a reason to be fearful. It is never a good idea to be a part of Lord Voldemort's plots. I am impressed she hasn't gone insane yet. With a mind like hers, it would be torture to not be able to occupy her mind.
schedule
June 21, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Very promising start. I look forward to see where you're going to take this. I like your portrayal of Hermione and Voldemort a lot so far.
I do think the usage of "my dear" by Voldemort at that point and in front of all his followers was a bit off (especially without there being a reaction to it by others, be that derisive laughter aimed at Hermione or uncomfortable shock of him addressing a Muggle-born like that), but that's just me nitpicking and don't worry too much about it. I've made similar errors in my stories (I still have a "baby" to delete somewhere in mine). They're not that big a deal and easy to fix if one wants to.
I absolutely liked the rest of your chapter. It's a relief to see appropriate grammar and spelling. It's also a relief to see a Hermione who uses her brain and isn't an immediate mess when confronted with LV. I liked the pacing you took with this; their reactions to each other were not rushed and seemed logical given the circumstances.
Anyway, I look forward to reading more. Thank you for writing,
xx Nerys
I do think the usage of "my dear" by Voldemort at that point and in front of all his followers was a bit off (especially without there being a reaction to it by others, be that derisive laughter aimed at Hermione or uncomfortable shock of him addressing a Muggle-born like that), but that's just me nitpicking and don't worry too much about it. I've made similar errors in my stories (I still have a "baby" to delete somewhere in mine). They're not that big a deal and easy to fix if one wants to.
I absolutely liked the rest of your chapter. It's a relief to see appropriate grammar and spelling. It's also a relief to see a Hermione who uses her brain and isn't an immediate mess when confronted with LV. I liked the pacing you took with this; their reactions to each other were not rushed and seemed logical given the circumstances.
Anyway, I look forward to reading more. Thank you for writing,
xx Nerys