rate_review Reviews

Hiya!

I discovered this story the other day and have now read a couple of chapters (four or so). Because I know getting reviews (and as such getting a confirmation that people are actually reading your story) can be rather motivating, I just wanted to give you a quick review, despite not having read all that much (yet).

First of all, I really like your writing style. It's not unnecessarily complicated, yet shows some elegance with words, which makes your story easy to read. The chapters could be a tiny bit longer, but overall I like them not being incredibly long.

The whole story is a little bit too fast-paced for me, though. I quite like the fluff in between and while you're surely capable of writing it, you have thus far left out quite some time between the important parts, which really speeds up the storyline. It almost seems like Draco instantly transforms into Harry's loving girlfriend and, for example, Sirius immediately accepts Draco into his house without any real conversations first. Writing more conversations (essentially fluff) could give your story more body, which would it even more enjoyable to read, at least for me.

The lack of body to the story makes it feel like some characters are out of character. For Draco, our most important player here, it's understandable that she's changed: she's just had her whole life turned upside down. Because of the high pace I mentioned earlier, it seems like he changed the moment he was hit by the potions, rather than the smooth transition that I think you want to achieve (and that I'd prefer to read). Let's not forget: we're talking about the person that would have had Buckbeak executed only a year before these events take place. Draco undergoes some major character development in the HBP and DH and without this development, he pretty much goes from being this whiny cunt to being a great, likeable person in an instant. Other characters, like Sirius and Harry, don't really act out of character, but seem really impulsive, because we don't get to see much of their considerations; their actions are ultimately the same as I'd imagine them to be in this situation, but normally we'd get some more insight into why they make those decisions.

I hope I have provided somewhat useful feedback. I mostly tried to explain why I'd like a more elaborate rundown of the events, but despite going on and on about fluff (or a lack thereof), I am really enjoying the story so far. A somewhat smoother transition into the current situation (Harry dating a female Draco) would have been nice, but now that I'm a little bit more settled into the story, I'm really looking forward to reading the rest of it!

Cheers,
Rob

Well, the explanation is going to be interesting. Hopefully, Draco can get past all the prejudice and accept Remus.

I hope Remus reacts better than he has so far. Excellent update!

I feel so bad for Remus. He just never gets a break and always gets the short straw if that!! Wish he could have someone of his own (not Tonks) and could be valued as he should be.

Bad Moony, Bad. He started that off badly. Although, I was wondering where he was. Does this mean we will get a Tonks soon? And Tonks plus Remus = Teddy! A playmate for Orion! Assuming other canon pairs work like Fleur and William etc.

Moony now has an annoyed Harry, a Draco who is still expanding her confort zone, and possibly Ministry Officials that will complain about a werewolf is bad conditions to raise a child, he is screwed.

So fun chap! Looking forward to more.

i loved this update. snape's visit was a bitter sweet surprise and i love Draco's friend dropped in to hang out when his mother disapproves of her. well this is a good development and i cant wait to read more of what is to come to our young parents .... please update soon

Is it bad that I'm hoping for a girl for the Malfoy family, just because I don't want to see Lucius happy?

Sorry I haven't reviewed before this. I found your story a few days ago an have been so hooked reading it, that I haven't wanted to stop for anything , even reviewing. I adore this story. It's such a great story plot and is very well written. I hate finding great story plots (for ANY fanfic) but have horrid writing skills from the author. I'm slightly sad that I've finally caught up, yet I cannot wait for the new chapter. Keep up the great work!

Also, I think the next Potter child should have Harry's eyes.

Sorryfor somehow forgettingto writing a review. Feel bad for that, seems like min payment sort of for reading your work

Poor Draco! Excellent update!

Great chapter, I love the idea of potions instead of shots...lucky kid.