rate_review Reviews

bravo!

wow interesting ending lol albi a crispy critter lol well done

Ch.10

An interesting story, but I agree with Rogue, above, that it and you would benefit from having a beta. Several of the suggested changes at Hogwarts made a lot of sense, such as having reserve players for Quidditch as well as more than one teacher per subject. And, of course, getting rid of Binns!

Cool story!! Look forward to the next one. :)

was a great story but seems like you lost it at the end

Please obtain a beta.

They will help you with issues in your writing, such as capitalizing "screaming" when it is in the middle of a sentence, using the numeral "13" instead of "thirteen" in prose, abbreviating "doctor" as "Dr" within prose, not using the direct address comma, not using a period at the end of a sentence, and other technical concerns.

I'm not saying you don't have an interesting idea. I am suggesting that you would benefit from a little guidance in developing your technique.

Happy writing.

I really love the story. It has several new concepts and they're cool.

It is an interesting story. Sometimes a little strange with how things are playing out, but the plot has definitely captured my attention. I'm curious to see how it all pans out; who aligns themselves with who, and what certain groups goals are, how characters develop, etc. lemon scenes are pretty good, even if it is your first time writing them...they may need a bit more detail to give the reader a better perception, but overall you get the point. not a huge fan in the group orgies, but thats an insignificant fact. I do enjoy the quick updates! I was also satisfied with the punishments handed out to the Dursley's.

Formatting is huge distraction. New font difficult to read for sight-impaired people and for people reading on small-format equipment. I got a headache immediately. Will not be reading any more of this story. Have you ever noticed that such a font is usually reserved for such items as have small amounts of text, like invitations, etc? There is a reason for that. Keep experimenting if you must, but this particular change was a dud.

Lovely story! I like it thus far and am looking forward to more. Thanks for sharing!