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To Feel	By : Maeglin Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 4653 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-To Feel
- 1
To Feel
by Maeglin Yedi
Pairing: HP/DM, HP/LM, HP/DM/LM
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Slash, incest, graphic sex with minors, angst, blood play, violence and BDSM.
Disclaimer: all characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and Warner Bros. I just play with them once in a while.
Spoilers: book 1-4
Archived: http://forever-rebel.net/maeglinyedi
Feedback: most welcome: maeglin.yedi@lycos.nl

Summary: Draco is the only one that can make Harry feel. Until Harry meets Draco´s father.
A/N: inspired by Dixiebell´s 'lap full of Potter´ challenge. The descriptions of Harry´s feelings or rather lack off feelings are based on my own experiences with depression. Big thanks to Atie for proofreading this dark fic and assuring me that it was all right to continue it ;-)
Warning: This is a dark fic! It contains slash, incest, graphic sex between an adult and a minor, a lot of angst, severe blood play and violence combined with BDSM. This is not for the weak at heart or the easily squicked. Be Warned! Flames will be handed over to Voldemort and trust me, you don´t want the Dark Lord after you ;-) Oh, and kiddies, don´t try this at home!
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Harry could feel the darkness inside of him grow, slow but steadily. It gradually took over every bit of light that had shone throughout his personality, and left him with an endless void where once his feelings of hope and faith in his friends had resided.
It had started after his fourth year at Hogwarts, when he was left alone in his small bedroom at the Dursleys and his thoughts about the events after the third task of the TriWizard Tournament and Cedric´s death wouldn´t leave him alone. By the time he had returned to Hogwarts to start his fifth year the darkness had made its first steps inside his mind and Harry had given in to it. He´d had no other choice than to give in to it, seeing that he did not have the energy to fight it. Because, together with his feelings of hope and faith, the darkness inside of him also destroyed every bit of energy. It left Harry tired, hopeless and insensible.
No one else noticed since Harry was very good at hiding it and pretending to be fine. He would laugh at Ron´s jokes and smile at Hermione´s attempts to get him to study. But inside of him, he felt nothing. He joined his house mates in a party when they had beaten Slytherin in their annual Quidditch match but he had not felt joy or happiness after their victory. He had felt nothing. There weren´t any feelings left inside of him. It was just empty.
The darkness accompanied him everywhere he went. It was always present, no matter what he was doing. When he went to sleep the darkness he could see when he closed his eyes almost seemed bright in comparison to the darkness that was now controlling his mind. And when he would wake up he wondered if he was still alive because his mind and heart felt empty. He wondered if he was still alive because he felt dead inside.
It wasn´t until Draco Malfoy cornered him in the Quidditch dressing rooms after their weekly practice that Harry felt something for the first time in months.
His teammates had already left and Harry was fine with that. Being alone meant that he did not have to pretend that he felt something or that he cared about anything. Being alone meant that he could let the darkness out and be empty. So he slowly changed into his school robes and treasured his time alone. Because being alone meant that he did not have to use energy that he really didn´t have to pretend to be a person that he wasn´t any longer. To pretend to be ´The Boy Who Lived´ while he really was ´The Boy who did not Feel´.
“Potter.”
Harry could recognize that lazy drawl anywhere, and he turned around slowly to look at Draco Malfoy who had entered the changing rooms and was staring at him with his usual smirk plastered across his face.
“Malfoy,” Harry acknowledged the Slytherin´s presence in a soft voice. His darkness objected fiercely as he tried to gather every last bit of energy he had to pretend to be Harry Potter.
Draco walked up to him, and stopped a few feet away from him.
“What´s the matter with you, Potter?”
Harry was surprised by that question. How did Malfoy know that there was something the matter with him? Not that Harry had the energy to actually care that Malfoy knew. He just wanted to be left alone with his darkness and his feelings that he did not have but could only remember from his past.
“Nothing, Malfoy. Just leave me alone,” he replied weakly, and Draco merely raised an eyebrow.
“I beg the difference. What happened to that courageous but foolish Gryffindor that used to taunt me and defy every last one of my cunning plans?” Draco asked him, and Harry noticed that the Slytherin really seemed interested.
“I don´t know, Malfoy. And to tell you the truth, I don´t care,” Harry answered truthfully, and Draco stared at him for a few moments. Harry continued buttoning up his robes, and put on his shoes. When he stood up he could still see Draco stare at him with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Well, since I´m your arch rival and you´re my nemesis I think I have a right to know what the hell happened to you over the last year!” Draco suddenly yelled, and Harry blinked. Draco actually cared. Obviously for all the wrong reasons, but he still did care. If Harry would have had any feelings left inside of him he probably would have felt touched by the Slytherin´s concern about his well being.
“I really don´t know, Malfoy. But you´ll be the first to know when I find out.” Harry shrugged. Draco narrowed his eyes and glared at Harry angrily.
“That´s not a good enough answer, Potter. Do you really believe that I´m actually buying your ´I don´t know and I don´t care´ crap? You´re just trying to ignore me but it won´t work because I have no plans to ignore you,” Draco snarled at him, and Harry just stared at the Slytherin. He looked into Draco´s silvery grey eyes and tried to feel offended by Draco´s outburst. But he didn´t feel a thing.
Harry´s blank expression and his obvious lack of response only infuriated Draco further and he pursed his lips while he raised his fist. He swung it at Harry, and hit him right in his mouth.
Harry was thrown back against the lockers and stared at the Slytherin completely dumbfounded. Draco had hit him.
It wasn´t the fact that Draco had hit him that left him without words but it was the fact that he had *felt* something when the Slytherin´s fist had collided with his mouth.
Besides the obvious pain now that his lip was split and blood was dripping down his chin, he had felt a tiny spark shoot up his spine and nestle itself in his mind. A tiny spark that drove away his darkness for less than a second. But it had been more than he had felt in a long time.
He slowly ran his tongue across his bottom lip, and tasted the coppery essence that was his own blood in his mouth. He stared at Draco and felt a single tear run across his cheek. But it wasn´t because of the pain or because he felt embarrassed of what Draco had just done to him. It was a single tear of happiness that represented the tiny spark of light that he had felt.
“Thank you,” he whispered to Draco, and closed his eyes in the hope of savoring this feeling for as long as he could. Before his darkness would drive it away again and leave him empty.
He suddenly felt a soft hand on his cheek and abruptly opened his eyes to stare into Draco´s grey ones. The Slytherin was standing right in front of him and looked at him curiously.
“What for?” Draco asked him softly, and Harry smiled despite his split and swollen lip. The pain he felt because of it reminded him of that tiny spark and felt good.
“Because you made me feel.” Harry was sure that his answer would not make any sense to Draco. But he didn´t care because it was the truth and he did not want to hide this particular piece of hope behind the lies he told everyone else.
Draco let his fingertips wander across Harry´s soft cheek, and touched the wounded lip tentatively. Harry kept looking into Draco´s eyes and slowly nodded his head. That was all the approval Draco needed and he pushed his index finger onto Harry´s split lip hard. Harry gasped and felt the sparks of pain work its way into his mind. It felt wonderfully liberating and he again smiled at Draco.
Draco repeated his action, and Harry let out a soft moan when another few sparks assaulted him in a very pleasurable way. He slowly darted his tongue out, and licked the tip of Draco´s finger, which was still resting on his bloody lip. Draco watched mesmerized as Harry swirled his blood-covered tongue across the tip of Draco´s pale finger and slowly sucked it into his mouth. Moving his tongue and lips in such a delicate matter send more spark across his body and again Harry moaned.
When Draco suddenly pulled his finger out it left Harry with such a feeling of emptiness that he let out a disappointed whimper. Draco gave him a small smile before he placed his hands on Harry´s cheeks and held his head when he leaned his face towards Harry´s. Draco darted his tongue out, and ever so slowly let the tip of it glide across Harry´s bottom lip. The feeling of that smooth tongue on Harry´s damaged lip made him shiver and his eyelids fluttered as he moaned loudly.
Again Draco ran his tongue across Harry´s lips but this time he didn´t pull back. Instead he slowly ran his tongue over Harry´s front teeth and Harry hungrily darted his own tongue out to caress Draco´s.
Suddenly the Slytherin pulled Harry against his body, and plundered his mouth. Their lips met in a bruising kiss while their tongues battled a war that neither of them could win. Harry tasted his own blood and something sweet and spicy that he could only describe as ´Draco´ and it left him wanting more of the Slytherin that was pressing his body against his own.
The pain from Draco´s teeth on his damaged lip sent lightening bolts of pleasure through his body, and Harry buried his own hands in Draco´s soft hair to keep the Slytherin´s head in place. He did not want this feeling to end because it was the first feeling he had had in months. And he did not care that it was Draco Malfoy that made him feel or that it was pain that gave him pleasure. All he wanted was to go on and never stop.
Draco pushed his groin against Harry´s and much to his surprise it made Harry aware of his own erection while the Slytherin pressed his hard cock against his. Never had Harry felt this turned on and never did he need release more than at that moment. He pushed his own groin back at Draco´s, and this time it was the Slytherin who moaned and deepened their desperate kiss even further.
Soon they were ripping and tearing each other´s robes off and pushing their naked body´s against the other´s. Draco´s hands roughly made their way down Harry´s chest, and the Slytherin´s fingers hooked behind Harry´s boxers to rip them of in one violent movement. Harry´s erection sprung free and was immediately covered by Draco´s silk clad groin. The feeling of fingers pinching his warm flesh and the soft, smooth silk against his cock made Harry´s knees weak and if it hadn´t been for Draco´s strong arms around him he would have fallen to the floor helplessly.
Harry grabbed Draco´s black, silk boxers, and shoved them down, desperate to see and feel the Slytherin´s hard cock. Draco pulled away from their bruising kiss and seeing the Slytherin´s lips covered with his own blood made Harry´s cock twitch. Draco pulled off his boxers completely, and gestured for Harry to lay down on the cold, dressing room floor. Harry quickly obeyed, his eyes never leaving Draco´s pale body until it covered his own. Their lips met again and Harry gasped when he felt Draco´s hard cock rub against his own. His hips started moving involuntarily and the feeling of their cocks and balls moving against each other drew loud moans from the both of them.
Harry had no idea what he was supposed to do, seeing that this was his first time with anyone, but he relied on the sparks he felt shooting through his body and when he spread his legs and felt Draco´s cock against his ass the jolt of electricity that shot up his spine told him that this was what he wanted. What he needed. Draco broke their kiss, and let his lips, tongue and teeth work their way down from Harry´s mouth to his sweaty neck where they worked on making Harry feel things he had never felt before. Lips that sucked and teeth that bit down hard enough to draw blood made Harry buck up his hips and beg the Slytherin to take him, to make him feel.
Finally, when Harry thought that he could take no more of Draco´s torture on his neck, the Slytherin sat up and spit on the palm of his own hand. Harry could see traces of his blood combined with Draco´s saliva when the Slytherin quickly coated his erection before he positioned himself between Harry´s legs. The feeling of Draco´s slick head pressing against his tight, virgin hole made Harry spread his legs even further and beg Draco in incoherent words to hurry, to take him and to make him feel. When the tip of Draco´s cock entered Harry it was painful enough to make him scream and to make him feel, which was all that Harry wanted. In a few thrusts that ripped Harry open Draco had buried himself deep inside the Gryffindor´s body, and he started moving his hips steadily, not giving Harry time to adjust to the sudden intrusion.
But Harry didn´t care because all he wanted was release be it from pain or pleasure. Draco lowered his head, and bit down on one of Harry´s hard nipples while he started thrusting hard and deep into his arch rival´s willing body. Harry moaned and screamed, in pain and pleasure but most importantly in relief that he finally felt something strong enough that assured him that he wasn´t dead. That his mind wasn´t empty and that his body could still feel pleasure. Draco´s long fingers closed around Harry´s leaking erection and started stroking it in time with the Slytherin´s ruthless thrusts and Harry met every one of them by bucking up his own hips and demanding Draco to delve in even deeper and move even faster.
When his climax hit him surrounded by shivers of pain and cries of pleasure Harry felt everything that his mind had been denying him for so long. He felt and that was all that he needed, all that he wanted and all that Draco Malfoy had given to him. Harry screamed while his seed shot out and covered Draco´s talented fingers and his own stomach. When Draco, never ceasing his thrusts into Harry´s tight hole, raised his hand and licked Harry´s still warm seed of his fingers Harry gasped and knew that Draco was the only one that could make him feel. The only one that knew what he needed. Pain and pleasure, not bounded by silly ideas of shame or big debates about ethics. Pure and simple.
Draco came violently and thrust into Harry´s body as deep as he could while he filled the now bruised and bloody hole with his own seed, claiming ownership of Harry´s virginity. But Harry didn´t care. He didn´t care that he had just lost his virginity to Draco Malfoy while they had fucked each other raw and senseless on the cold dressing room floor. All Harry cared about was that Draco had made him feel.
Just as the spring sun drove away the coldness of the winter, Draco´s lips, tongue, teeth and cock drove away Harry´s darkness, if only for a little while. They met each other as often as they could without arousing suspicion from the other students or teachers. And every time they would rip of the other´s clothes, desperate for contact that would bring them their much needed release. The pain that gave him pleasure was enough for Harry to keep pretending to the rest of the world, but when he was with Draco he didn´t have to pretend. He could be his darkness and show his needs to his lover who made him feel and gave him a purpose to live.
When Harry was alone, lying in his bed late at night, he would feel emptier than ever before and longed for Draco´s teeth drawing blood and strong fingers pinch his nipples while a hard cock filled him. He needed it to make him feel, to make him live and to keep him from dying inside.
One night when the emptiness deep inside of him seemed to swallow him whole, Harry had picked up the pocketknife Sirius had sent him for his fifteenth birthday, and had dragged the sharp blade across his left fore arm. The crimson blood that seeped from the cut reminded him of his lover´s touches and was enough to battle his emptiness, at least for a while.
During the meals in the Great Hall Harry could always rely on the presence of his lover, even though Draco sat at a table at the other end of the hall. Harry only needed to look at his lover and stare into the icy pools of liquid silver that were Draco´s eyes to feel invisible flames set his insides on fire and burn through his darkness.
Their relationship wasn´t about friendship, considerate touches or love. It was about need. The need for release, the need to hurt and be hurt and the need to feel. And it was only in each other´s embrace that they found what they needed.
But with every one of their rendezvous Harry´s darkness became more immune to that what Draco could give him. So Harry begged Draco to give him more, bite down harder and thrust faster until the Slytherin couldn´t give Harry more without seriously injuring him. And that´s when Harry decided that he wanted to be injured because when Draco hurt him it made him feel.
“Draco, I have a surprise for you,” Harry whispered to his lover when they were both lying naked on the cold floor of the Astronomy Tower right after midnight.
“Really? Show me.” Draco let his fingernails draw red marks across Harry´s warm chest. Harry reached for his robes, and pulled out his pocketknife, the one thing he had kept all to himself until now. Of course Draco had noticed Harry´s cuts and scars before, but he had never mentioned it while he kissed, sucked and licked them when he fucked Harry roughly, just as the Gryffindor wanted it.
Draco took the knife from Harry and studied it, admired it. He dragged the blade across the palm of his hand and created a nice, smooth cut that started bleeding small drops of crimson blood. Harry smiled at Draco knowingly when he took the Slytherin´s cut hand, brought it to his mouth and licked away all traces of blood. Draco stared at him through half hooded eyes, and licked his lips when he felt Harry´s soft tongue glide across the fresh cut. When Harry was done and let go of Draco´s hand the Slytherin dragged the sharp blade across Harry´s chest and admired the smooth cut that appeared. Harry moaned when Draco lowered his head to lap up the trickles of blood that rose up from the wound that he so lovingly had created.
Harry spread his legs willingly, and gasped when Draco pushed his hard cock into the Gryffindor´s dry hole, the knife still resting on Harry´s chest. Draco began to trust into his lover´s body slowly and dragged the knife down to Harry´s bellybutton, admiring the trace of blood that it left on its way down. Harry relished the feeling of the cold knife on his skin and the hot cock moving in and out of his body. It gave him what he wanted. It allowed Draco to give him what he needed. Again he felt and moved his body to feel more.
Draco picked a spot just to the left of Harry´s belly button and started carving the letters ´DM´ carefully into the pale flash. Harry looked down at Draco´s work and gasped loudly when he realized that Draco had marked him. He was Draco´s. And Draco would always be his. That idea of being owned, being possessed, awakened a new feeling in Harry and he groaned as the fluttery sparks of electricity that this feeling invoked were met by Draco´s firm thrusts into his body.
His grey eyes fixed on his own initials carved into his lover´s flesh, Draco started pumping Harry´s cock fast and hard while he pounded into Harry´s body roughly. Soon Harry climaxed and shot pearly drops of come all over Draco´s bleeding initials. That sight alone was enough to drive Draco over the edge and he mixed Harry´s seed with the blood seeping out of the newly inflicted wound while he filled his lover´s body until he could give no more.
Harry´s knife soon became a trusted partner during his and Draco´s meetings. He no longer needed to use it in the midst of the night when his darkness made him feel like drowning in his own emptiness but instead he would let Draco mark him while the Slytherin fucked him time and again. It was enough for Harry. The scars that were left on his once perfect body were a constant reminder that he wasn´t dead and that there was someone in this world that could make him feel.
It was on a particularly warm May evening that Harry made his way down to the Slytherin´s lair under his invisibility cloak. He was supposed to meet Draco later that night but he couldn´t wait any longer. His body burned for his lover´s touches and his newly healed wounds needed to be re-opened.
Draco had managed to get a private bedroom during their fifth year – probably using his father´s influence and Snape´s favoritism to obtain it – and that gave Harry and Draco all the privacy they needed.
Harry whispered the Slytherin password, and slipped into the common room unseen. He quickly walked up the stairs to Draco´s bedroom, and opened the door without a sound. He wanted to surprise his lover, to let him know how much he needed him.
The bedroom was dark, only lit by the fire that was burning in the hearth. Harry closed the door behind him slowly, and looked around to spot his lover. Soon he saw his lover´s silhouette in front of the fireplace, where he was sitting on the couch. Harry walked slowly but determined, his body moving with feline-grace, and just as he reached his lover he pulled off his invisibility cloak.
Without giving his lover a second glance Harry threw himself on his lap, and buried his hands in that soft, silk-like hair. He lowered his head, and bit down harshly on his lover´s pale neck.
It wasn´t until he felt two strong hands around his neck, squeezing as they pushed him back, that Harry realized that the person he had just jumped wasn´t his lover. He stared into a pair of familiar looking grey eyes and gasped when he studied the face around it.
Draco´s father.
Lucius Malfoy.
“Mr. Potter, what a pleasant surprise,” Lucius drawled as he kept his hands firmly locked around Harry´s throat.
“Tell me, what are you doing in my son´s room and what in Merlin´s name is the meaning of your....attack?” the older Malfoy asked him as he narrowed his eyes.
Harry tried to move off Lucius´ lap but those strong hands kept him from escaping, and whenever he tried to move, Lucius´ fingers would squeeze down until they cut of Harry´s breathing. So he tried to relax as much as he could and think of an answer that would make sense.
“Draco.....I was supposed to meet Draco...,” he whispered, and Lucius raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the young Gryffindor who had stopped squirming to get out off his grasp.
“And why would you want to meet my son?” Lucius asked him patiently, thoroughly enjoying the power he now held over the Boy Who Lived. Harry swallowed heavily and kept staring at Lucius´ face. It was so much like Draco´s, only older, more experienced, more powerful. Those thoughts caused Harry´s cock to grow hard, and he briefly wondered what it would be like to have Lucius perform all of the things Draco normally inflicted upon him. This strong Dark Wizard would surely be able to make Harry feel, maybe even more so than his son could.
“Draco gives me what I need,” Harry told Lucius as he nervously bit his lip.
“And what is it that you need, Mr. Potter?”
Harry slowly pulled up the sleeve of his robes to reveal his scarred left forearm. Lucius looked at it curiously, and Harry thought that he saw a flint of recognition pass through the older man´s grey eyes.
“This,” Harry whispered as he looked at his own scarred arm and admired the marks Draco had left there, combined with his own marks.
“Really?” Lucius whispered as he pulled his gaze off that lovely scarred arm and looked into Harry´s sparkling green eyes.
“And why would you need that?” he asked while his lips twitched up into something that resembled a smile.
“Because it makes me feel,” Harry whispered while he leaned into Lucius´ touch tentatively. Lucius kept his hands around Harry´s throat but loosened the iron grip, and let his fingertips wander across the soft flesh. Lucius slowly pulled Harry close, and pressed his cheek against Harry´s while he let his lips rest next to Harry´s ear.
“Now tell me, Mr. Potter. What does my son do to make you feel,” Lucius whispered in a low, silky voice that made Harry shiver.
“He....he touches me,” Harry answered softly as he closed his eyes and tried to relish the feeling of Lucius´ face against his.
“Where does he touch you?”
“Everywhere....my lips....my chest.....thighs.....and my cock.”
“Do you enjoy it when he touches your cock?”
“Yes....very much so. Especially when he fucks me,” Harry whispered in a voice that was thick with lust, with want and with need. Lucius could feel the small body shiver against his chest.
“Do you beg him when he fucks you?”
“Yes......please......yes,” Harry moaned, and gasped when he felt Lucius´ warm tongue glide across his neck. Harry pushed his erection against Lucius´ hard body, and smiled when the older Wizard let out a soft moan.
“Do you want to find out how I can make you feel?”
“Merlin yes!”
All Harry could do when Lucius roughly dragged him towards the four-poster bed was smile. He smiled because he was at the mercy of this powerful Dark Wizard and that idea alone was enough to make Harry feel.
While Lucius ripped off Harry´s clothes the young Gryffindor felt sparks of enticement and excitement rush through his body. And those were feelings he hadn´t felt for a very long time, not even with Draco. Lucius let his fingers wander across Harry´s naked chest, and he smiled as his fingertips caressed his son´s initials, now forever scarred into Harry´s flesh. Harry watched breathlessly as Lucius pulled off his own robes, pants and black dragon hide boots, and revealed a perfect, pale and strong body. How Harry wanted to feel that body and have that body make him feel.
Lucius lay down on top of Harry, covering that young but scarred body with his own older but perfect one. He bent his head down and took Harry´s bottom lip between his teeth, bit down until he drew blood, and finally suckled it between his lips to taste Harry´s life essence.
“What do you want to feel?” he asked Harry seductively as he let go of the bleeding bottom lip, and started sucking and biting the soft flesh of Harry´s neck.
“Everything,” Harry breathed, his eyes fluttering closed as he gave himself over to the will and want of the older Wizard who had him pinned down on the bed.
“Everything.......yes.....let me show you everything,” Lucius answered softly, and left marks with his teeth on Harry´s neck, collarbones and shoulders. Harry moaned and pushed his body up, silently begging his lover to move on, to take him and do whatever Lucius wanted to do with him.
With one quick movement of his knees Lucius spread Harry´s shaking legs, and positioned his hard, dripping cock in front of Harry´s dry hole. And when Lucius started pushing his shaft into that tight body he placed his hands once again around Harry´s neck, and softly but steadily squeezed until Harry could hardly breath. His first instinctive reaction was to fight this lack of oxygen but his darkness stopped him from trying to escape that iron grip on his throat. He gave himself over to his and Lucius´ needs and while he felt that hard cock push inside his raw hole his mind drifted off and started a journey into the endlessness of deep space.
His mind floated through darkness with sparks of light coming from nowhere while he was traveling faster than the speed of light. His body met the violent thrusts, shivered when Lucius´ teeth left bleeding marks and bucked to meet Lucius strokes on his leaking cock.
Never had Harry thought that there would be a place he could travel to outside of his mind, outside of his darkness but Lucius´ magic worked wonders and Harry found himself in a new world. A world filled with unknown darkness and with light waiting for him on the other side. A world between life and death, between darkness and light, between pleasure and pain.
And it took Harry higher, faster and deeper than he had ever felt before. While his body climaxed his mind seemed to explode and the brightness he saw beneath his closed eyelids almost left him blind. Slowly he made his way back to his life at Hogwarts and his mind connected with his body once again in time to feel Lucius shake violently on and in him as the older Wizard climaxed. Harry´s breathing was shallow and fast as he floated between then and now, and through half closed eyelids he saw Lucius´ silver eyes shine like the sparks of light he had seen in that unknown world of darkness. A familiar voice slowly drifted into his still dazed mind, and he smiled when he realized that his other lover had joined them.
“Father, I see that you have found your present,” Draco said with a satisfied smile playing across his lips.
“Yes, my dragon. I was surprised to find Mr. Potter tearing into your room but I must admit that he has not disappointed me,” Lucius told his son while he tried to get his ragged breathing back under control.
“I know, he´s quite the participant, isn´t he?” Draco drawled as he walked over to the be adm admire his lover´s naked body, sweaty and come covered now that Lucius had given him what he had needed.
“Join us, my dragon,” Lucius whispered, and Draco obediently crawled on top of the bed, and kneeled besides his father. Harry smiled as he watched Lucius pull Draco into a long, deep and passionate kiss. When they pulled back they both looked at Harry and Lucius gave his newfound lover a warm smile.
“Isn´t he beautiful, father?” Draco asked, never taking his eyes of Harry´s bruised and scarred body.
“Yes, he is. A perfect, fallen, Angel.” Lucius said and he let his fingertips wander across his son´s initials again which were now covered with Harry´s pearly white come.
Draco swallowed heavily, quickly grabbed Harry´s discarded robes, and pulled out the pocketknife. He handed it to his father with a desperate look in his eyes.
“Make him yours, father. Make him ours,” he whispered into Lucius´ ear as he rested his head on his father´s shoulder. Harry watched curiously as Lucius placed the blade of the knife just to the right of Harry´s bellybutton, and carefully started carving his own initials into his sweaty flesh. Draco gasped softly while he watched his father´s hand move the blade across Harry´s skin with ease and he licked his lips as he saw blood rising from the fresh cuts.
Lucius put the knife aside, and started unbuttoning his son´s robes. He pulled them off Draco´s shaking shoulders, and quickly opened his son´s trousers to free his hard cock. Draco gasped again when he felt his father strong hand around his dripping erection, and leaned against Lucius´ body as the older Wizard started stroking his son. Harry watched mesmerized as Lucius skillfully brought his son to his climax, and how Draco opened his mouth slightly and furrowed his brow as he peeked. Soft moans and hoarse groans accompanied Draco´s orgasm as he shot his own come over Harry´s belly and the bleeding initials of his father.
Draco shivered softly and Lucius pulled his son into a loving embrace.
“Hush now, my dragon. This fallen Angel is ours.”
From that moment on Harry had two lovers, two men who could give him what he wanted and make him feel. They met as often as they could in Draco´s bedroom and Lucius would always come up with new ways to take Harry beyond his wildest dreams. Chains that shackled him to the bed, blindfolds that made his body hypersensitive to all of his lover´s touches and silk scarves around his throat to take him to his most favorite place. The darkness and light between life and death.
His mind now preoccupied with all that his lovers gave him, some people started to notice that Harry seemed more absent than usual. Hermione repeatedly asked him if he was all right and Harry always told her that he was fine. And silently added that he was more than fine. That he felt alive in a way that he had never felt before. Ron seemed oblivious to Harry´s preoccupied mind as long as Harry regularly laughed at his jokes and agreed that Quidditch was still the best thing in the world. Some Professors gave Harry curious looks and Dumbledore seemed to study him more closely as he ate his meals in the Great Hall. But the Headmaster never approached him so Harry ignored those questioning looks.
Whenever he was alone, Harry still felt empty and insensible. He could only feel when he was with his lovers. He could only live when the pain gave him pleasure. No matter how hard other people tried to make him happy, it was futile. His darkness had no desire for loving words from Sirius or concerned questions from Hermione. All his darkness wanted was whatever his lovers gave him and Harry willingly submitted to that.
As the school year came to an end Harry realized that he would have to part ways with his lovers and that filled his soul with such emptiness that he doubted that he would be able to survive two months with the Dursleys. He knew he couldn´t survive. He knew that his darkness, once deprived of his lover´s touches, would drive him into death, as that seemed to be the only place that Harry would be able to feel anything.
He had no idea how he was going to survive long enough to meet his lovers again after the summer. But thankfully his answer came one night when he was lying between the two warm bodies of his lovers after an evening filled with pleasure and satisfied lust.
Harry curiously looked at the Dark Mark that was burned into Lucius´ left fore arm. He had looked at it before and had wondered how it would feel. If it would feel. Lucius smiled at him and that was all the approval Harry needed so he tentatively touched the snake covered skull with his fingertips. Draco watched Harry´s movements closely while he softly stroked the Gryffindor´s naked back.
“Can you feel it?” Harry asked Lucius softly, and his lover nodded, his eyes fixed on Harry´s green ones as the Gryffindor kept caressing the black skull on his forearm.
“Yes, my fallen Angel. I can feel it.”
Harry sighed deeply and curled his back into Draco´s touches. Lucius watched his lover and his son enjoy each other´s bodies in a loving manner.
“Would you like to feel it, Angel?” he asked Harry softly, and Harry looked up at his older lover. A large part of his mind was screaming ´Yes´. He wanted to feel. Needed to feel. But a tiny bit of Gryffindor that was still living inside his soul told him that it would be wrong to feel that.
“I don´t know,” he answered truthfully, and Lucius softly caressed his cheek.
“Harry, don´t you think it is time that you started making your own decisions? Or do you want to continue your life as Dumbledore´s pawn in one of that old fool´s chess games?”
Harry bit his lip and thought while Lucius kept caressing his cheek and Draco never ceased his ministrations on Harry´s back.
“Think about it, my fallen Angel. Has Dumbledore ever considered what you want? Did he consider what you wanted when he had you live with those horrible Muggles who hate you? Did he consider what you wanted when he didn´t give you the support you needed after all the horrible things that have happened to you? Has he ever been able to make you feel?”
“No, he hasn´t,” Harry whispered, and Lucius took his young lover´s chin in his hands, and lifted Harry´s face up so he could meet his eyes.
“We make you feel, Harry. We give you what you want. And you give us what we want. How can that be wrong?” Lucius told him in an assuring tone, and Harry nodded silently. He felt Draco´s soft lips place kisses on his shoulders, and Lucius placed a strong kiss on his lips. Harry let the things Lucius had told him sink in and realized that the older Wizard was right. No one had ever considered what he needed. And no one had ever been able to make him feel in the way that Draco and Lucius could. It was time to take his destiny into his own hands.
“Make me feel.”
Their plan was so simple that is was impossible for anyone to expect what Harry was going to do. As the last day of school arrived Harry knew that he probably should feel guilty of what he was about to do. Feel guilty for not caring any longer that his parents had given their lives to protect him. Feel guilty for Sirius endangering his own life over and over again to look out for him. Feel guilty for betraying his two best friends who had stood by him throughout everything that had happened to Harry.
But he didn´t feel guilty. He didn´t feel a thing as he said his silent goodbyes to the only home he had known in his short life while boarding the Hogwarts Express. He joined Ron and Hermione in a compartment, and talked and laughed with his two friends as if nothing was wrong. And in Harry´s mind there was nothing wrong. The only thing that he was doing was giving in to what he needed.
When the train arrived at King´s Cross, Harry grabbed his trunk and Hedwig´s cage, and walked onto the platform. He could see Mr. and Mrs. Weasely greet their children and wave him over. Hermione joined Ron with his parents and at first didn´t seem to realize that Harry hadn´t joined them. As she turned around she saw Harry smiling at them before he turned around and walked into the other direction.
The direction of Lucius and Draco Malfoy. Harry joined his lovers, and gave them both a kiss, knowing that the Weasleys and Hermione were watching him. He heard Mr. Weasley yell something and Hermione shriek in surprise but he ignored them. He didn´t need them. They couldn´t make him feel.
Lucius put his arm around Harry´s shoulder as he produced a Port Key. Smiling at his two lovers Harry placed his hand on it and felt the familiar pull as he was transported directly to Malfoy Manor.
For the first time in his life Harry felt like he was at home. That he had a home where he was wanted and where he was given what he needed. Being in close proximity of his two lovers almost the whole day left Harry high on his feelings and made him feel happier than ever before.
They shared their lives during their carefree days at Malfoy Manor. Harry and Draco would fly their broomstick through the large park that surrounded the Manor and Lucius would teach his son and his lover about curses and counter curses. They spent their evenings in front of the fireplace in Lucius´ enormous private library, where Harry learned more about Magic than he had ever learned at Hogwarts. He became more powerful in those couple of weeks than he had ever imagined he could be. Lucius encouraged both him and Draco to learn and to practice while he watched them with a constant smile on his face.
During the nights they would share their bodies and Harry would be liberated from his darkness and experience the most intense forms of pleasure. Wer her he was sucking Draco´s hard cock while Lucius pounded into Harry´s tight body or whether he was shackled motionless and was forced to watch the sweet torture of Lucius fucking his son until Draco screamed in pleasure and release. His lovers gave him a life that he had always wanted but had been afraid to give in to for a very long time.
It was on Harry´s sixteenth birthday that Lucius told his young lover that he had a surprise for him. And Harry knew that this would be the day that he would finally experience the ultimate feeling.
A Port Key transported them straight to Riddle Mansion, and Harry took Draco´s hand nervously into his own as they followed Lucius inside Voldemort´s home. Harry trusted his lovers and he knew that Lucius would never allow Voldemort to hurt him. He would only allow Voldemort to make him feel and that was all that Harry wanted to experience.
A squirming Wormtail led them into a large study where Harry met the Dark Lord once again. But this time he felt no fear, only trepidation of what was to come.
“Lucius, you have brought me Mr. Potter,” Voldemort said in a low and icy voice as he looked at Harry from top to bottom.
“Yes, My Lord,” Lucius answered while he bowed his head submissively.
“Harry would like to feel what you can give him, My Lord,” Lucius explained, and Voldemort´s burning red eyes seemed to sparkle with amusement.
“And how can I refuse this remarkable young Wizard that what he wants,” Voldemort said as he approached Harry slowly. Harry bent his head submissively and felt his body shiver when Voldemort dragged a bony finger across the scar on his forehead. The burning pain that followed kept Harry from loosing consciousness as the thought that Voldemort could kill him right there and then swirled through his mind.
But Voldemort had no such plans as he smiled at Lucius and nodded his pale head at his most prized Death Eater.
Lucius gently placed his hand on Harry´s shoulder and told him to kneel. Harry quickly obeyed and kept his eyes on the floor as he felt Draco and Lucius kneel besides him.
Draco placed his arm around Harry´s waist and Lucius put his arms around Harry´s shoulders and held him close. Harry knew what was expected of him and he pulled up the sleeve of his robes to offer his left forearm to the Dark Lord. Voldemort looked at the scars appraisingly and raised his wand. Harry rested his head on Lucius´ shoulder when the tip of Voldemort´s wand touched his scarred flesh and the Dark Lord started chanting an incantation.
While Harry was initiated into the inner circle of Voldemort´s followers he felt pain shoot through his body that made the Cruciatus curse feel like an innocent itch. But strangely the pain didn´t hurt, at least not in an unwanted way. Harry closed his eyes and felt Lucius´ lips on his cheek as he drowned in the feeling of Dark Magic surging through his veins. And he felt happy. His lovers were at his side while he finally found what he had been looking for all along. The most intense experience in the world. That of his own darkness making him feel.
~~Fin~~
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To Feel