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Fucking with Snape	By : Titania Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 2897 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling, Rain Coast books, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers and many others. I am not making money from this work. JKR is a Goddess!

I own nothing and no one. It�s all JKR

I hate Professor Snape with every fiber of my being. He cannot be allowed to get away with giving me such appalling marks! He�s a bastard, p, fu, fuck head, son of a bitch, toad, bat, vampire. He will pay, oh yes he will pay! If it�s the last thing I do, he will be sorry. He will regret the day he fucked with me!
Whew! Glad I got that out of my system! I must rant and rave before I can think properly, and I must have a clear head to plan my revenge. My honor depends on my getting him back. I am willing to face anything. Detention, cauldron scrubbing, Dark Forest with Filch even Hagrids� rock cakes. Oh yes, even Filch!
What to do, what to do? It must be unique, as I am sure I�m not the first student who has tried the revenge bit. It must be torturous and more vicious than anything Voldimort was ever capable of.
So, that rules out singing the Brady Bunch over and over. That drives me fucking crazy! I mustn�t think of that song, because it will repeat it�s self over and over and over again in my head. Also leaves out raising hand and asking stupid questions over and over, rewording them each time to make them seem different.
No to whoopee cushions, exploding cigars, ink filled gum. I don�t think he showers, so Rit dye in the showerhead is out. Pity, I think Snape would look good all blue. I could hex a kilt on him and imagine him as William Wallace. Snape in a kilt. Don�t go there, too frightening.
The fluttering of wings, announcing the post interrupts my thoughts. Weee! There�s something for me! I hold my hands out and catch the box my owl drops into them. Oh but yes! Mum�s cookies! I can smell them through the box. So can the others judging from the drool now puddling on the table. I look side to side and smile, yes I have cookies, what are you willing to give me for one?
I slide my finger under the tape and slowly open the box, savoring the looks of longing I am receiving from my classmates. Oh yes, I have the cookies. Mine. All mine. Their scent wafts across the room. Oh shit! Professor Dumbledore has smelled them! He is twinkling at me and smiling! I know I will have to share with him. Damn his sweet tooth! Ah! Even the bastard has perked up at the smell. He�d have to use an Unforgivable to get me to share my cookies with him. Prick.
But wait! What is this I see? Mom and her anal-retentive packing. Let no cookie be broken in transit, for heavens to Betsy they are packed in, oh yessssss! Igringrinning maniacally now, and my cheere bre beginning to hurt. My heart is pounding in anticipation. Revenge will be mine! I run from the Great Hall box in hand, giggling maniacally! I�m sure everyone thinks I�ve finally gone crackers, but I don�t care! I can�t wait for potions class.
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Ok, so here I sit. The hour has finally arrived! Bout time too. Grinned through all of my classes this morning and I�m sure Magonnagle thinks I�m a loon. Binns just smiled back and then started droning on and on and on. The poor soul needs speech lessons or something. The day crawled to its conclusion and so here I sit in Potions, my quiet demeanor belying my intentions. I just have to pick the right time.
Pompous ass has flicked the ingredients for today�s potion onto the board. So much for �no foolish wand waving�. We all gather our ingredence and return to our seats. The room grows quiet as we diligently work on our assignment.
We are past the point where any cauldron can explode, it�s allch ach and wait now. Perfect. You could hear a pin drop. Now.
POP! Pause, glance around. Look bewildered.
POP! POP!
Snape looks up from the pile of parchments in front of him "What was that?" he growls. There is a collective shrug. Oh, he�s scowling now. Good. Bastard.
POP! POP! POP! This feels sooooo gooood! Careful! Don�t get snared by your own trap now! Resist! Stay away from the light! The bastard has hopped up out of his chair.
"What is that!" he hisses. I must not grin. Must not! Must not! "What ever that noise is, do not let it happen again." Sweeping the room with his eyes one more time, he resumes his seat behind his desk. Good.
POP! POP! POP! Oh good, I can giggle now, since the class is beginning to. Musn�t look guilty. Not yet.
"STOP THAT NOISE!" Oh my, he is almost yelling. Schwing! Now for the kill, so to speak. My time has arrived.
POP! POP! POP! Giggle giggle POP! POP! POP! Oh, shit! He�s coming toward me and he looks madder than I�ve ever seen him! Be brave! Be strong! You can do this!
POP! POP! "Hand it over." he orders. I don�t think he has ever spoken so calmly. As a Death Eater he must have been very scary.
"I can�t" comes my answer. My heart is pounding in fear. My mouth is unusually dry. I go on, revenge is mine!
He holds his hand out, eyebrow cocked "Now."
"But sir!" I cry, "It�s too dangerous!" The hand does not waver. Ok. Once more with the reluctance. "Please, don�t make me give this to you, sir."
"Now. Hand. It. Over." his voice almost a whisper. The hair on the back of my neck is standing up now. Scary, scary man.
I slowly hand him the offending object. He takes it from me and examines it for a minute. I hear nervous giggles from odd places around the class. I surpress the urge to giggle at his bewildered expression.
�It�s bubble wrap." I volunteer. I am treated to the eyebrow again.
"Bubble wrap" he sneers, his mouth twisting as if he had bit into a Vomit flavored bean.
"Yes, sir." I answer contritely. "It�s very dangerous, sir."
He gives me an odd look, mixed with disbelief. I nod my head vigorously. "Whatever you do sir. Don�t. Pop. A. Bubble. You won�t be able to stop."
"Rubbish!" he scoffs. I�m smiling inside. He is a bastard and he deserves . I. I hold my breath, certain of what is to come next. His long fingers squeeze a bubble and..
POP! He smirks at me. "Detention, for disturbing my class and wasting my time. Tonight. Eight o�clock."
I look downcast. He smirks at me, then turns on his heel and strides back to his desk, flinging thap oap onto its surface. "Get back to work!" he snaps as he sits.
We all stare at our cauldrons for a few minutes. Be patient, I must be patient. Time ticks by. Fuck! His resistance is wonderful!
POP!
I dare not glance up, nor let out the laughter simmering in my stomach. Pity the fool who titters now.
POP! POP!
Somewhere behind me there is a giggle.
POP! POP! POP!
I dare a glance up at the bastard. He looks horrified, yet his fingers grab and squeeze again.
POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!
The room explodes in laughter. Snape jumps up from his chair shouting "OUT! OUT! NOW!" We gather our books as fast as we can as our laughter echoes off of the walls. We run from the room as a group, the sound of popping following us out of the doors.
I stop and linger, walking slowly, savoring the sound of his voice as he shouts "NOOOOOOOOOO!" over the popping of the bubble wrap.
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Fucking with Snape