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I\'d Love You to Want Me	By : jillianw Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1839 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-I'd Love You to Want Me
- 2-Aftermath
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- 2
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This is written from Sirius' POV. It is done to "I'd Want You to
Want Me," a song by LOBO. I love the song, and the story just developed around it. The last few lines of the song are perfect and it fits this plot very well.
Pairing: SB/HP
Rating: R due to language, and suggestions of slash.
Disclaimer: I am not making anything off of this. They were merely borrowed for a little playtime. If you like the song, you should download it from somewhere. It is a beautiful love song. But is a bit
old. (1970's I think).

(Sirius� POV)
God, did I have an eventful night. I went to Remus' as he owled, and ran
into the last person I wanted to see. You. I know you live there, but you have gotten accustomed to leaving or going to your rooms when I visit. We still haven't talked, and Remus is trying to intervene. Damn man, he can't leave well enough alone. But I am beginning to wonder if it is well enough, or if we do need a little help.
I still feel my love for you, although tonight was the first time I'd seen
you in over a year. Remus has told me repeatedly I cannot keep lying to myself, pretending you don't love me, pretending I don't love you, but it is easier. Easier to deal with life this way, then deal with the guilt I would feel if we were to act on our feelings. I hoped you would understand after our time apart, but you haven't. Remus has said you want me more then ever, and I almost hate him for telling me that. You need to move on, find another love, but you won't try until I talk to you, at least that is what I'm told. I cannot talk to you. If I do, I'm afraid you may see right thr me. me. I may give in to my desires, my needs, and destroy the trust my best friends' bestowed upon me. However, if I need to talk to you, so you can move on, I just may. Truth be told, I am afraid that if we do
talk, you�ll see that I am right, and then perhaps I could lose you forever. We
may talk, but in due time. Perhaps in another year, eh?
I was sitting by the fire after a long informative bath, when Hedwig pecked
on my window. I knew I should have ignored her, but I couldn't. Maybe it was
from Remus, maybe Scarabus was already out and he needed to get a message to me. Very unlikely, but still possible. I opened the window and let her in. She perched on my shoulder as if she missed me. I know that I have missed her. I untied the letter, and immediately recognized your handwriting. It's a little scratchy, and I realize you have written this in a hurry. I put it on my mantle, not wanting to open it right away, and Hedwig takes flight as if she knew she wouldn't be carrying a reply. She�s a very smart owl; a very smart owl indeed.
I put on a few old records of your mum�s, and nestle in beside the fire. My new sofa is as comfortable as my bed. I usually sleep here. I can't bear to be upstairs for more then a few minutes. All of your pictures on the wall, your room, and your things strewn about make it very hard for me to keep up this facade. Everything is the way you left it. I can't bring myself to take them down. Nor can I stop imagining you in my bed while I'm lying there. That�s why I find the sofa so appealing.
My butter ier is not quite as strong as I would like it, so I put in just a
shot of whiskey that I bought in Diagon Alley It tastes perfect, so I settle
down in, deciding that I should read your letter. When I open it, I am amazed
that you are able to write so much about me. It surely will take me at least
half the night to read this. Oh well, it's not as if I had any plans this
evening. Well, nothing other than the usual; sitting alone on the sofa,
wallowing in self pity, pining for the love that I cannot have. If only I hadn't been granted the honor of being named your
Godfather. Then maybe, things could, would be different. Or, perhaps not.
I refresh my drink and begin to read. It astounds me how you can write on paper the feelings of your heart. Writing hasn't ever been my favorite way of showing my love. Actions speak louder than words. I was a firm believer in that until you invaded my heart. These actions would surely destroy us both. But, I have to remember that we need to resolve our issues. I can't imagine spending another year apart from you. Well, I've spent enough time beating around the bush; I must concentrate on the letter. I put on my most serious face, and begin to read once again. I am determined that I will not quit until the letter is finished.
My Dearest Sirius,
I'm terribly sorry for being home when you dropped by to visit with
Remus. I didn't know you'd be coming over, or I would have gone to my room as usual. I am beginning to wonder if Remus had that planned. Damn werewolf instincts. I have to tell you this, as Remus I'm sure told you. I can no longer deny myself the privilege of loving a man such as you. I have a sad tale to tell you, so I hope you're sitting comfortably beside the fire. It surely will take a while to read this letter.
There's never been anything easy about my life. My parents were murdered when I was fifteen months old, and I lived with people that hated me from the moment they first saw me. Not to forget that I've battled Lord Voldemort more times than I care to recollect. So why did I ever presume that falling in love would be any different? I've been asking myself that question daily. Would it have been so hard for fate to deal me a winning hand for once? I'm sure there are other people that she can concentrate on. Give me a bloody break occasionally! But, she didn't. Not only did she feel coled led to make me gay, she had to put the icing on the cake by making me fall in love with my Godfather. My BLOODY Godfather for Christ's sake! And much as I expected, he rejected me, and shut me out of his life completely. He wouldn�t even listen to what I had to say. He just shut me out of his life, and practically threw me out of his house.
I know it makes things a bit more complicated me being your Godson and all. As if a twenty year age gap, and the fact you were accused of betraying my parents wasn�t enough. But, I cannot seem to extinguish these flames in my heart for you. No one makes me feel the way you do. Living with Remus has really helped me to deal with my obsession for you. That's all it is because the feelings aren't returned. A bloody obsession. Although you may not care to hear that, it�s made me love you more. I really wish you'd talk to me. I could tell you so much better in person, then writing it on a piece of parchment. The words don't seem as powerful when I write them down.
I have come to understand you completely. Sirius Black, the man that
never backs down from a challenge has thrown in the towel. The man who once didn't give a shit about what other people thought of him has finally become modest. A man so full of passion, love and desire has completely grown cold. Yeah, I understand perfectly. Bloody Hell Sirius! I don't understand a Goddamn thing! Well, maybe this. I understand that someone loves you more than life itself. Someone needs you as much as he needs air to breathe. Someone wants you, desires you as much as you desire him. I saw the look in your eye tonight before you quickly guarded your emotions. You want me just as bad, if not more.
This past year has been kind to you. You look very well. Your hair is as gorgeous as ever, and it's finally grown to the length it used to be when you were younger. You've gotten a very nice tan, and your eyes are as blue as the ocean we saw on vacation. I did notice a sense of loss coming from you though. And I know that must be for me. Remus said you were as surprised as I was to see each other again. Even after all this time, I haven't forgotten any detail of your delicate face. Every line, every crevice, the tiny freckle on your left cheek just below your eye, I remember them all. They are forever carved into my memory. But your hands, I remember them most of all. They could end a life, in a second flat, but they can be so tender, so warm and caring when needed. I can't recollect how many times those hands have comforted me after a nightmare, after the death of a dear friend, after winning a Quidditch match. I long to feel those hands wrapped tightly around me once again. Remus tries to comfort me, but his hands aren't as powerful as yours are. Nor does he mean as much to me as you do.
Imagine my surprise when he pulled out these old records and played this one in particular. It fit our life perfectly. It's almost as if the writers knew someday there would be two people in love such as we, but couldn't have
each other because of prior obligations.
~~ When I saw you standing there
I about fell off my chair
When you moved your mouth to speak
I felt the blood go to my feet
Now it took time for me to know
What you tried so not to show
Something in my soul just cried
I see the want in your blue eyes ~~
Shall I continue? Or are you familiar with the words? I'm sure you know
them by heart, this being your record and all. Remus borrowed it while you were still at Hogwarts, and very unlike him, he never returned it. Imagine that.
~~ Baby, I'd love you to want me
The way that I want you
The way that it should be
Baby, you'd love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you'd only let it be ~~
Kind of appropriate isn't it? It's all in your hands. You and only you
can make the decision. I have poured out my heart and I don't have anything
else to tell you as far as my love for you is
concerned. But, on the reasons why you don't feel you can do this, I have a lot to tell you.
First, my parents made you my Godfather because they knew that no matter what happened, you would make sure I was loved and cared for. So far, you have done that. They also knew the man you were, and what type of lifestyle you chose. You were careless and carefree, but you still possessed some responsibility when it was needed. Despite everything that has happened, I don't look to you like a father figure. I feel more like Remus has been a father to me.
He's helped me since my third year, and kept me very safe even when I was living at the Dursley's. I guess part of me always knew he was responsible for the wards that protected me from Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Why else would Dumbledore give him the position of DADA if he hadn't already proved himself worthy? I'm sorry if that h you you, it wasn't meant to. I know you understand what I am saying. I can go to him with my problems, and he always knows the right thing to say.
However, I feel so much more for you. If I had lived with you since I was a child, maybe I would feel different. I was eighteen when I moved in with you.
A grown man. I already knew who I was, and pretty much, what I wanted in life. It wasn't until I had lived with you for two years that I realized the reason I hadn't found anyone was because I already had. I'd found you. Fate put us in an awful situation, but I think that she is finally done messing up my life. She has given me something to make up for all the heartache and hurt she's caused me in the past. She's giving me you. But, you have to accept it, and embrace it. You have had a terrible past, so why is it that when something pleasant and welcome happens, you run away? Don't you think you deserve to be happy? That you deserve to be loved? I do, and so does Remus. He is your best friend and he knows you better than anyone in this world does. He knows you are miserable, lonely, and depressed. He knows that I can change all that for you. If you would only just let it happen. Swallow your pride, and live a little. That's all I ask.
~~ You told yourself years ago
You'd never let your feelings show
The obligation that you made
For the title that they gave
Baby, I'd love you to want me
The way that I want you
The way that it should be
Baby, you'd love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you'd only let it be ~~
I have finished this letter. I feel there is nothing more I can say. I
hope you have felt the passion and desire I have tried so hard to convey on
this parchment. Please reconsider your choice. All I want is for you to let me
love you; completely, in every shape and form. I can make you feel things that
you thought weren't possible. I can break you open wide, giving you everything
you desire; completing all your fantasies and dreams. Just please, don't deny
me any longer. I can't stand to go another day without seeing your face;
without being able to hold you and love you. Without cuddling in front of a warm fire embraced in your arms.
My Undying Love,
Harry
As I place the letter down onto the table, my heart begins to race. I can't
imagine receiving a more loving, caring and sincere letter from anyone. Bloody git! You have obviously been spending too much time with a certain lovesick werewolf. He is right though, I can't deny myself anymore. After reading your letter, I realized just how much I mean to you. I think if given the opportunity, we can be very good therapy for each other. I know it won't be easy, dealing with the outside world, but we are both very strong men and are capable of handling them. It brings tears to my eyes to think someone has finally fallen in love with me, Sirius Black. And that someone is none other than The Boy Who Lived, the man that defeated Lord Voldemort, Harry James Potter.
Your parents would be very proud of you. You never give up on what you want. You get that from both your mother and James. They were both so strong willed. It comes as no surprise that you won't give up without a fight. You are capable of loving more than any other human being on Earth. Maybe because you've went so long without being loved. I am truly sorry for treating you as bad as I have over the past year. I'm sorry for trying to act as if you didn't exist. It was only because I couldn't deal with you any other way. I wish I could have gone on vacation with you two. Hell, maybe you and me will just apparate to some deserted beach, forget about the outside world for a while and get reacquainted with each other. Maybe even explore each other's
bodies a bit. You definitely have bulked up a bit since the last time I saw
you. Must be the Quidditch courses you are teaching in Hogsmeade.
This is all I ask of you. Just please don't push me. Give me time to adjust. I have apparated to your home, quite aware of the late hour, but I couldn't wait until tomorrow to confess my feelings for you. Remus is looking at me as if he knows exactly what I am going to say. I hate his werewolf senses sometimes. He leaves the room so that we may be alone. You ask me what I want, and as I stand before you, looking down into those intoxicating emerald eyes, I have but only one thing to say to you.

"Come home
Harry. I'm ready to love you."

I hope you all like this. The words are so fitting for
them... Please review! It only takes a second and all authors appreciate it
whether you are going to flame us or praise us. Thanks again for reading this.
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I\'d Love You to Want Me