Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

If Only To Feel...	By : Jadestonedreams Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 10416 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Title: If Only To Feel�

Author: Jadestonedreams

Pairing: HP/DM DM/HP RW/HG NL/VC PP/BZ RL/SB SS/PD..OTHERS

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Honestly, if I owned them, would I really be here at this hour writing fan fiction. Sadly, I don't own them. They belong to others; I have merely borrowed them for my own personal pleasure.

Summary: Changes are taking place that will send Draco and Harry�s life on a whirlwind path destined together. Harry is a veela searching for his mate. Will the secrets that Draco hides, keep Harry from claiming his true love?

Author�s note: this is my first Harry Potter fic. So please be kind.

Warning: Slash and Mpreg�If you don�t like� well then what are you still reading for

Special thanks: to Michelle for taking the time and beta reading this for me. I really appreciate all the work you put into helping me make this a better story.

IllusionP>
P>
Chapter 1

Draco smiled at the sparkling stars above him as he stared blankly up at the night sky. From the top of the Astronomy tower, the stars seemed to sparkle just for him. Everything seemed so perfect. The stars above were twinkling as if putting on a show just for him. Nearly the entire school was empty. Most of the school�s students had headed home for the summer vacation. His friends, Blaise and Pansy had offered for him to come and stay with them when he had announced his plans to stay at the school over the summer.

He'd informed them that he wished to take some advanced classes over the summer which weren't normally taught during the regular school . Du. Dumbledore had begun employing a few replacement teachers and a handful of Hogwarts regular staff to teach classes during the summer. Most consisted of advanced classes given to mostly seventh and sixth years. There were also classes that could be taken if you happened to fail something during your regular school year. There were only a few classes like these offered.

Granger had seemed genuinely interested in some of the advanced classes when Professor McGonagall had informed the brainy girl of them one day after transfigurations class wanting to know if she would like to remain for the summer.

Draco had hardly been able to retain his relief when she actually turned down the head of her house stating that as much as she loved school she missed her family more. Besides she wanted to spend some time with someone called Vivian. Draco wasn't sure who this was, but Granger seemed determined to spend as much time with her as possible over the summer. Insisting that he was going to be fine and that it would be great to have the run of the school without that blasted Potter always getting in his way. His friends had reluctantly left him, promising to owl him as soon as they could.

The school now lay nearly empty, except for a few teachers like Snape and Headmaster Dumbledore. Draco wondered if either of them had any place else really to go to once school was over with or did they simply stay in the school waiting for the next batch of young minds to come to them.

At the moment he figured that it didn�t matter; aast ast not to him.

Leaning back over his side and pulling out a small wooden box from his jacket pocket, Draco smiled. He opened it slowly to reveal a beautiful knife. Draco smiled down as he opened it. The knife had been a gift from his grandmother when he was younger. Its handle made of beautiful mother of pearl. A large Cameo of what Draco could only describe, as a female goddess appeared nestled right in the center on one side a dragon on the other it�s eyed made of emeralds. The blade itself contained carvings of symbols which Draco didn't understand. He'd asked her about them when she'd given him the knife. Her only response had been to smile and tell him that when he was old enough he would understand their meanings. He had spent hours in the library after that in Hogwarts and the manor trying to look up the symbols with nothing to show for it. He had been able to find nothing on them. Gliding his fingers along the smooth lines of the blade, Draco traced the details of each symbol. He had loved it the moment the elderly woman had laid it in his hands. It was the last and final time he had ever seen his grandmother, having succumbed to an apparent heart attack not long after.

Besides his mother, his grandmother Lilliannea was the only other female that Draco had ever truly loved. She had been so warm and inviting, often letting him sit with her in her gardens as she planted her flowers. He remembered once asking her why she just didn�t plant her flowers the magic way or at least let the house elves plant them.

She simply looked over at him and smiled saying that this way was more magical than anything she could do with her wand. Besides, having the house elves plant them would take away the fun of getting to put your hands in the dirt.

She had taught him how to plant his very own garden of flowers that day. It was one of the few pleasures that he still took treasure in. Because it was something that he shared with her, something that no one could take away. It was also the day he revealed to her about his secret. The curse or blessing that his mother had bestowed uhim.him. He was never really quite sure which the case was. In all these years he�d never asked his mother why she had performed the spell on him. The spell in itself had been extremely complicated and Draco was sure it had taken Narcissa weeks to prepare the ingredients.

The spell is not what he remembered the most; the true fact was he barely remembered the ceremony at all. He had only been five at the time. Like most childhood memories it had faded with time and countless other ceremonies that tended to flow together in his mind.

What he did remember was the pain as his insides were twisted and repositioned. His insides had felt like they were on fire, as the change occurred. The end results were though, exactly what his mother had expected.

Her son was gone.

What stood before her now was the breathtakingly beautiful daughter she had always craved for. The one her dear husband had been unwilling to give her. When Lucius returned from his trip and discovered them he had flown into an outrage. Narcissa had disappeared for several days after that.

Draco had not been allowed out of the Manor while she was gone. In fact his father had ordered him to stay practically in his room. He had missed his mother so very much during that time. The new body had felt awkward to him. Its parts were all wrong and his entire body ached. He had wanted his mother there, he wanted, no he needed her to explain why she had did this too him. Had he done something wrong?

It had been nearly a week before Narcissa had returned to the Manor. She had smiled at him as she entered his room. Her eyes flashing sadness for a moment as she looked at him.

Wrapping his arms around her tightly he had been so glad upon her return. He had failed to see his father standing just outside his door until he was suddenly torn from her grasp and led downstairs and into the library.

"Your mother has made a grave error in casting this spell on you my son. Fortunately she has since seen the error of her ways and will reverse this at once."

The coldness in his father�s voice had not gone unnoticed by the young blonde nor did the flicker of emotion that he couldn�t quite name passed over his mother's face as she glanced over at her husband.

Pointing her wand once again at her son, Narcissa once again let the words fall from her lips. Words that once again filled the young blonde with such pain only this time something wasn�t quite right.

He never told either of his parents of his discovery a few days later. Discovering his ability to change back into the female form had been quite a shock for him and on instinct he had run to tell his parents. The sound of his father�s voice and his mother�s sobs had stopped him cold.

He kept his secret from then on; until that day in the garden a few years later.

~~**~~

Gliding his hands over the blade and cringing slightly at the small trail of blood the trickled from his hands. Draco let his mind slip back to what had brought him here.

Draco Malfoy cringed slightly at the memory of his visit home. It should have been a happy one for him. It had been the Christmas vacation during his sixth year and he had been looking forward to his trip home all through the school year. He had missed being home. The few times he had gotten to spend with his father had been wonderful to Draco. The one thing that the young blonde had been sure of was his father�s love for him. Nothing anyone could have said could have shattered those thoughts in his mind.

Shivering slightly Draco pushed back the thoughts out of his head. It ached to realize how wrong he had been. His world shattering as the realization that the man he once adored above everything else could have let this happen to him...

Malfoy Manor

"You can't be serious!" exclaimed Draco looking across at his father; who stood looking completely at ease in front of him. Even after delivering the shocking news to his son only a moment ago.

Striding purposefully across the room, Lucius Malfoy stood face tce wce with his son of 17 years, and stood glaring am. Hm. His voice highly controlled, but making the blonde boy take a step back at the coldness in his father�s voice.

"You can, and you will. You will do this Draco. Now I don't want to hear another word of protest from you." Spat Lucius vehemently.

Stepping closer, Lucius Malfoy gently slid his finger under his son's chin forcing his to look at him. "Understand what it is you are being given my child. You are to be our Lord's bride, to stand by his side as he rules."

"Yes, father," whispered Draco quietly, his outside appearance betraying none of the cold sadness sweeping over him.

Stepping back and taking a deep breathe; Lucius Malfoy smiled at his son and began stroking his hair. "You were promised to our lord, my son. Nothing should give you greater pleasure than to know he favors you with such love."

Blinking sof Dra Draco simply stared up at his father. Simply nodding as the numbness in him stared developing.

"Good, come now I have some friends I want you to meet...

Curling up quietly in his seat against the cold stone floor and gazing out at the scenery before him, Draco whispered a locking spell on the door and did what he had been unable to do the entire time since he'd learned of his ordeal

He cried.

If only he could have felt the tears as they fell, then at least he would have felt something, but now all he felt was numbness.

The thing that had sickened the blonde the most out of everything that he had endured was the look of pure love on his father�s face. It was at that moment that the young Slytherin realized that his father was not the man he had once believed him to be. In that moment his world teretered.

The wounds inflicted upon him that day were mostly tended to; so as no permanent marks were to appear on his smooth skin. Others had been left though as a reminder to him to remember whom he belonged to.

Closing his eyes softly Draco let the cool night breeze caress his face and stream through his hair. He welcomed the change that was overcoming his body. It no longer hurt anymore as it once did. Now the change came with great ease. He didn�t need a mirror to tell him what others would now see. His shoulder length blonde hair now reached the center of his slender back hanging lovingly in curls around him framing his face and draping over rounded peaks. His cheeks and lips a rosy red and his eyes once a fierce silver gray now were tinted with flecks of blue specs amongst them.

He'd been told many times how breath taking he was in this form. The few times he'd ventured out on his own as a girl to explore what it was like, first by himself and then later with Blaise and Pansy. They were the only two people besides his mother that knew his secret. The night they had found out revealed more secrets that each of then had been harboring. It was the first time all three had admitted they did not want to become death eaters. They had become practically inseparable after that. They had both tried to tell him that he was just as stunning as a girl as he was a guy.

Hearing it and feeling it were of course two very different things. He'd never felt beautiful after he'd change, in contrast he felt unwanted, a freak. The image in the mirror only seemed to remind him of that fact. It was a constant reminder that he had not been good enough. It seemed like poetic justice to end his life in the form that had been thrust upon him; a form that he'd grown to detest looking at in the mirror after the first few times he'd changed.

Pressing the knife firmly in his hand Draco closed his eyes and sighed. He let his mind wander for a moment on the one thing that had truly kept him alive these past few years. That one person who had filled so many of his dreams both day and night. And he wondered for a moment if they would appear sad at his demise.

Opening his eyes up once more to stare one last time at the stars, Draco was shocked to find himself staring into a set of emerald eyes.

"Oh fuck" whispered Draco.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- 1
- 2
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

If Only To Feel...