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Toys	By : eumenides Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 5119 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Toys
- 1
Title: Toys

Author: Eumenides

Rating: Really PG-13,
but say R if you're prudish

Pairings: SB/RL

Warnings;
Humour

Disclaimer: All
charactbelobelong to J.K.Rowling. No copyright infringement is intended.

"But what are they
FOR?" Harry asked incredulously, staring at the odd collection of objects
on the shelf in Sirius's bath.

Sirius groaned, inwardly damning
the horde of Weasleys who had clogged up his home's
facilities, and deeply regretting the generosity that had prompted him to offer
Harry the use of his bath. He took a
deep, calming breath. "Well. I'm not sure where to start here, okay. Do you know where babies come from?"

Harry's face flushed. "Of course I do. Madam Pomfrey did
lectures, 2^nd Year. With pictures."
He shuddered, remembering the Wizarding photos
and how they had moved.

Pictures. Great. "Good.
That's good," he said with an authority he did not feel. "So you know
about�uh�reproduction."

Harry looked at him
skeptically. "I knew about that
before. Well, sort of. Aunt Petunia told Dudley and me that the
stork brought babies to the cabbage patch.
But I knew that was total codswallop.
Anyone finding Dudley in their cabbage
patch would have called an exterminator, not brought it home and wrapped it in
nappies."

Sirius
snorted. "Well, do you know that
sometimes people have.." he inhaled sharply.
"�have sex when they don't want babies?
That it feels good?"

Harry's
face bypassed crimson and went straight to maroon. He turned away from Sirius' studied
earnestness. "I'm fifteen. I know about wanking."

Fifteen. Sirius
remembered, dimly, being fifteen. Being
fifteen was walking around with a perpetual erection, humping anyone and
anything that would stay still, and most things that wouldn't. He even had a vague recollection of trying to
shag Snape, but maybe that was something the Dementors had made up to torment
him. "Let's have a seat."

Sirius' bed
was huge and old and hung with tapestries that had once been richly woven but
were now musty and dank. Buckbeak glared at them as Sirius pushed him back and
collapsed onto the dusty surface of the duvet cover. "Budge over, Beaky."

Harry noticed that the bed creaked horribly, and the Buckbeak seemed very territorial about it, and wondered if
Sirius even slept there.

"So
you know about what men and women do together, and you know about wa � about
masturbation." He was damn well
going to try and do this right. James, if you weren't dead, I'd kill you. Harry nodded.
"Well. Some wizards, oh hell, some men really, aren't interested in
women. They like, er�
want, other men. And some women want
other women instead of men. Did you know
that?"

Harry
raised his eyebrow. "Yes, Sirius, I've heard about gay people. I do watch Muggle telly
in the summer, you know."

"The
BBC has obviously changed some since the 1970's then." Sirius commented, remembering those weeks in
summer spent at the Lupins' home, watching Dr.
Who. Although he had his suspicions
about the Jon Pertwee doctor in that lovely smoking
jacket.

"A
bit, yes," Harry commented. "So you're gay, then?"

"Bisexual, really, but I
haven't had a girlfriend since my 5^th year at Hogwarts.
So, yeah, you could say I'm gay. Does it
bother you?"

Harry didn't have to even think
about that one. "No. You're my
godfather. I love you � don't care about
that stuff." Sirius smiled fondly
at him. "But you haven't answered
my question. Maybe I should ask Mrs Weasley?"

Sirius sat
bolt upright, face ashen. "No. In fact, it would probably be best if you
never let on to Molly that we even had this conversation. Okay. The 'objects' in the loo. The jar is, well�" this was ridiculous,
he was starting to sweat. "Lubricant."

Harry
looked at him quizzically.

"When
men and women are�together, women create their own lubrication. Two men can't do that, so they have to use
something or it hurts." The words
came out in a hurried rush, and he looked away.

"Okay,
I get that. And the one thing that
looked like a �a todger, I get what that's for � not
sure why it's purple, though."

Sirius
collapsed on the bed, laughing hysterically.
Buckbeak glared gimlet-eyed down at him. "Todger? A todger?"

Harry
sulked as only a fifteen year old who is being laughed at can. "Well, that's what Uncle Vernon always
called it, and the other words I know are rude."

Sirius
stopped laughing and sat up, concerned.
"Harry, just how often did Dursley talk
about his todger?
Was there ever anything�"

"Sirius! Eww. You're just trying to change the
subject."

"Not
so, I'm just concerned about my godson's welfare." His attempt to change the subject foiled,
Sirius soldiered on. "So you get
that one. It's called a dildo, by the
way." Two down,
one to go. He could do this, really
he could.

"What about the little lava lamp?"

Sin>Sirius
paused. Was there something else on the
shelf he'd missed? Had Remus been
shopping again? "Lava
lamp?"

"You
know, like from the sixties. Dean Thomas
had one that was his mum's. It wouldn't
work at Hogwarts, obviously, but you plug it in and this stuff heats up and � "

Sirius
shook his head. "You might not
believe it, but once upon a time, back when rocks were soft and dinosaurs
roamed the earth, I was cool. I know what a lava lamp is. I'm just not sure what you're talking
about."

Harry
jumped up and went back to the bath. He
emerged seconds later, gingerly carrying the 'lava lamp' by two fingers.
"I can sort of see through it, but there's no way to plug it in, unless
it's some kind of wizarding light that doesn't run on
electric?"

Sirius
muttered something Harry didn't quite catch.

"Sorry?
Did you say 'mutt rug?'"

"Butt
plug. It's a butt plug." His godfather was staring at his hands. In for a penny, in for a
pound. Gryffindor
courage. He met Harry's
eyes. "You use it in your arse."

Harry
dropped the plug as though it burned him and sat back down on the bed. Knowing intellectually that his godfather was
gay was one thing. The 'dildo' was kind
of normal looking, although he still didn't understand why it was
violet-purple, and he supposed it went the same place as the plug, but the
strangely shaped plug just seemed weirder somehow. "Why?"

Sirius
picked his toy up from the moth-eaten carpet.
"Men have a gland, in their arses. The prostate. It feels good when you touch it. Using something like this allows it to be
touched while you do other things."
Like having Remus' glorious cock
down my throat, Sirius thought, wishing with all his heart that he was
doing that right now instead of having this conversation. "This one is fairly small. And they can
come in other shapes. Remus has one that � " He never got to finish.

Harry leapt
from the bed like it was on fire. "Remus? You mean
you and Professor Lupin are�together?"

This was not
a subject he could ignore or joke about.
"Yes, Harry. I'm sorry you
had to find out this way � I wanted to tell you sooner, but Remus thought you
had enough on your plate right now. I
hope it doesn't bother you." Because
if it does, it's just too damn bad, his tone clearly said.

Harry
reached a tentative hand out and touched his godfather's shoulder. "No.
It was just kind of a shock, you know.
How long?"

"Since always, really.
The actual sex started in 6^th Year. Of course, we lost a lot of time.". He shuddered, remembering how the raw chill of
Azkaban had almost wiped Moony's love from his
memory.

"Did
my dad and mum know?" Harry asked gently, drawing his godfather back to
him.

"Oh,
yes. Your dad knew before we did � he
got us together." He drew Harry
down into a rough hug. "Did I
answer your questions?"

Harry
nodded, "Yeah, thanks. I expect
this wasn't too easy for you. You were
great."

"James
used to say he was going to make me do 'The Talk'. Said it would be part of my godfatherly duties.
I doubt he anticipated it would include lube and butt plugs,
though." He toyed with the plug as
Harry slipped from the room.

Remus
smiled warmly as Sirius came into the kitchen and planted a soft kiss on his
head. "Hmm. That's nice.
Molly went shopping, took all the children but Harry with her, so we're
almost alone. If you'd like to go upstairs?"

Ordinarily
that would have been all that Sirius needed to sweep his lover into his arms,
but instead he sat down heavily.
"You'll forgive me, Moony, but I don't think I could right
now. I've just had a rather traumatic
experience."

Remus
looked curious. "I thought you were
talking to Harry."

"You
have no idea." Sirius poured a mug
of tea. "Where is Harry, anyway?"

"He
asked me if I had any pictures of us at school, so I sent him up to go through
my trunk."

"Which trunk?"
Sirius was suddenly very still.

"The one at the end of my bed, Padfoot. Why?"

The mug hit
the stone floor and shattered into a million tea-soaked pieces and Sirius
started towards the door, then halted, abruptly. Harry stood in the doorframe, holding up a
pair of leopard-fur lined handcuffs and a small leather whip.

"But
what are they FOR?" he asked,
smiling wickedly.
- 1
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Toys