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Love Lies Bleeding	By : chrmisha Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 3826 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Love Lies Bleeding

By Chrmisha

Summary: After being captured and tortured by Death Eaters, Remus Lupin has a lot to deal with. Will he let Hermione Granger help him or will he push her away?

A/N: This is a sequel to Only Time Will Tell by Chrmisha (found here) which is a sequel to A Midsummer�s Journey by Andrian. Many thanks to Andrian for creating such a wonderful relationship between Hermione and Remus. This was written prior to OotP so Sirius is still alive. A Midsummer�s Journey by Andrian can be found here: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=8477

Chapter 1: Getting Reacquainted

Graduation was a bittersweet affair. Hermione�s whole life for the last seven years had centered around Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, perhaps with the exception of the past year, which had been divided between Hogwarts and her new love Remus Lupin. Remus was still working for the Order, and after the events of the last several months, this terrified her. He had been captured and tortured by a rogue band of Death Eaters and had only narrowly escaped with his life. Although the physical injuries had healed, she wasn�t sure the emotional ones ever would, hers included.

She had spent the first weekend after graduation with her parents. They had a splendid time together, mostly discussing her exciting future in the Wizarding world. Her father was traveling on business the following week and since her mother was accompanying him, Hermione had decided to spend that week with Remus.

This would be the first time her and Remus would be living together again since last summer. The transition had been less strange than she�d anticipated. No one questioned that she slept with Remus in his room; not even Harry, who she�d spent the last seven years at Hogwarts with. What had caught her off guard was how much pain Remus was still in. When she�d first found out he was still alive, he had already spent a week recovering at St. Mungo�s. It wasn�t until she came the following week that she realized just what a show he�d put on for her the day she�d last seen him; the day she�d found out he had escaped with is life. Then, he�d swallowed his pain for a couple of hours to calm her fears and convince her that everything was all right. It would be days before Sirius admitted to her that as soon as she�d left that afternoon, Remus went straight to bed, and hardly got out of bed until she came back the following week. Sirius even said that Remus considered asking her to stay with the Weasley�s instead, not wanting her to see him in that condition. Worse than watching him struggle with the physical pain, though, was the emotional scars he carried with him. It still brought tears to her eyes to think about it.

The night she arrived, Remus was sitting in front of the fire in the living room reading a book while Sirius and Harry prepared dinner for everyone. Sirius, still on the run from crimes he didn�t commit, was relegated to living within the walls of his dark family home, now Order Headquarters. It was a lonely and frustrating existence, and he couldn�t have been happier having Harry and Remus living with him. Sirius had been beside himself with grief and guilt when Remus was captured and had become quite protective of him since his return.

Everyone greeted Hermione at the door with hugs, but Hermione noticed that Remus immediately went to sit back down. Harry and Sirius took her belongings to the guest room on the second floor next to Remus�s room. She sat next to him and kissed him on the cheek. He looked very thin and tired, but most disconcerting was the eerily haunted look in his eyes. And although he put his arm around her and smiled, she felt a distance between them. It was as if something sour had settled inside of him and made it difficult for him to connect; not just with her, but with anyone. When Sirius came downstairs, she gave him a questioning look. Sirius nodded and looked at her solemnly; he had noticed it too.

Sirius, Harry, and Hermione had chatted animatedly over dinner, while Remus kept mostly to himself. Afterwards, Remus excused himself to retire early, claiming he was tired.

Hermione gave Sirius a pained look, but he only briefly met her eyes. �Harry, I�ll help Sirius clean up, why don�t you go relax. You look exhausted.�

Harry thanked Hermione, yawning as he left the kitchen.

Hermione looked back at Sirius, who, from the looks of it, had seen this conversation coming.

�He�s not himself.� Hermione sighed, fidgeting with the gold necklace she always wore, the one Remus had given her for Christmas.

�No, he�s not. And he won�t talk about it, at least not to me.�

�Do you think he�ll talk to me?�

�I don�t know Hermione. Whatever they did to him, it must have been pretty awful.�

Hermione just nodded, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. �It was bad enough having him gone, and now he�s back, but he�s not really back, is he?�

Sirius put his arm around her, �I think we are just going to have to give him some time. He�s been through a lot.�

Hermione nodded, swallowing her tears as best she could.

�Go on, I�ll finish up here.� Sirius said. �And Hermione?�

Hermione stopped, wiping her eyes before looking back at Sirius.

�He does love you. Don�t forget that. Whatever he�s going through right now, it has nothing to do with you.�

***

Hermione knocked on his door, but there was no answer. Slowly, she opened it.

�Remus? May I come in?�

By the light of the setting sun, she could see him curled up on his bed facing away from the door. She thought he was asleep. She stepped in and shut the door quietly behind her. Going over to his bed, she noticed his eyes were open and he was staring blankly at the wall. Sighing to herself, she sat next to him and laid her hand on his shoulder. At least he didn�t pull away, she thought, that�s something. Slowly she gained the courage to run her hands along his back, massaging the tight knots around his shoulders, pushing her thumbs into the rigid muscles of his neck, running her hands down his sides and back up along the knobby vertebra that stuck out far more than they should have against his malnourished frame. In the silence, she studied him, watching for some small sign that what she was doing was okay. Although his face never changed, his shoulders started to relax into her touch, and his breathing had slowed. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that everything would be all right, but something told her that now was not the time. Something told her that her loving touch and her silent acceptance said more to him than any words ever could.

As her arms tired, she laid down behind him, still caressing his back with her free hand, lost in her own thoughts. As night fell, she wondered if she should stay with him or go to her own room. Finally, she decided she should ask. She sat up and gently put her hand on his shoulder.

�Remus?� she whispered, and in the moonlight, she saw the tears glistening on his cheeks. Clenching her teeth and closing her eyes to fight back her own tears, she knew that she had gotten through to him, even if he couldn�t talk to her about it just yet.

�Remus, do you want me to stay here with you tonight or should I go sleep in my own bed? Either way is okay with me, I just��

At that he rolled over and pulled her into his arms, weeping softly against the fabric of her robes. Her tears fell too as they fell asleep in each other�s arms.

The next day dawned with the morning sun throwing shadows across the hard wood floor. Remus was still asleep while Hermione lay next to him, studying him in the pale light of dawn. She ran the tips of her fingers along the soft skin of his face, smiling at the fact that she, Hermione Granger, was laying next to her professor and soon to be husband, Remus Lupin. She wouldn�t have dreamed five years ago, when she had a school girl�s crush on him, that she�d fall head over heels in love with him a few years later, and that he would return those feelings. As she wallowed in those wondrous thoughts, there was a knock at the door. Remus stirred slightly but didn�t move. Should she? Just then it opened.

�Room Service.� Sirius came in and set down a large tray filled with bacon, eggs, toast, sausage, ham, and juice. Winking at Hermione, he left as quickly as he had come.

Remus rolled onto his back and stretched, wincing at the pain. She got the distinct impression that this was not the first time Sirius had brought him breakfast in bed.

�Does he always do this?� Hermione asked.

Remus just smiled. �He�s become a bit protective of me as of late. I think he thinks I�ll starve to death if he doesn�t feed me.�

She smiled back. It was only the second time she�d seen him smile since she had arrived. She noticed that the haunted look in his eyes had lessened but was still there.

It strained her to watch him try and sit up. It was obviously painful for him, but should she help him? Or would doing so make him feel like an invalid?

�Would you like some more pillows?� she finally offered.

He nodded, and she was relieved to be able to do something for him. Stuffing the extra pillows from around the room behind his back and making him as comfortable as possible, she retrieved the breakfast tray and laid it over his outstretched legs. Snuggling next to him, she chimed, �Oooh, breakfast in bed, how romantic.�

He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, spreading warmth throughout her body. She looked longingly at his lips, wanting to capture them in hers, but could still feel the distance between them, and didn�t dare disturb the delicate balance they�d struck. She could sense that if she tried to rush it, he would push her away, and that was the last thing she wanted. She would have to let him come to her. She laughed at herself for imagining the wild, passionate love he was going to make to her this week, all week. How na�ve she had been. What did she expect? He�d been tortured and almost killed. Certainly wild lovemaking wouldn�t be the first thing on his mind.

He picked up a steaming mug of something that smelled terrible.

�Healing potion?� she asked.

Remus nodded, screwing up his face as he forced the pungent liquid down his throat.

�How long until the pain goes away?�

He looked at her then, a strange look in his eyes.

She looked away, not sure if it was anger she saw there or something else.

He leaned back and closed his eyes. �I don�t know, they say broken ribs take awhile to heal, even for me.�

That was the first time he�d offered up any bit of information about the pain he was in or what was causing it. Hermione nodded, knowing better than to ask any more of him.

***

Sirius was reading the Daily Prophet when Hermione came in for tea.

�What�s so funny?� she asked, watching Sirius laugh and shake his head at the newspaper.

�I�ve just been sighted in Mexico.� Sirius set down the newspaper and took a sip of his coffee, turning his full attention to Hermione.

�Any luck?� he asked.

Sitting down next to him, a mug of tea in her hands, Hermione pondered his question. �I don�t know. He didn�t talk to me, if that�s what your asking, but he didn�t push me away either. I guess that�s a start.�

Sirius just nodded, seeming to understand without needing further explanation. Hermione was thankful for that, considering she wasn�t sure she understood herself. But then Sirius had known Remus much longer than she had.

The next couple of days passed like the calm after the storm, quiet and safe. Hermione took comfort in the fact that although Remus was not himself, he did seem to enjoy her company. They sat together that afternoon on the couch. He had his arm around her shoulder while he looked through some Order reports. She snuggled against his side reading a novel Ginny had sent her. She wished there was something more she could do, but Sirius had assured her that just being there for him was more important than anything else.

***

Sirius had been waiting for a moment to speak to Remus alone. When Hermione left to take a bath, he made his move. �Anything interesting going on?� Sirius asked.

Remus eyed him suspiciously. �You�ve already read through these reports twice.�

Sirius sat down on the couch next to Remus and absently rubbed his forehead with his hand, debating how to say what was on his mind.

�Spit it out, Sirius.�

Sirius looked at Remus, there was no use playing games; Remus knew him better than that. �Moony, you�ve got to talk to her.�

Remus looked at Sirius momentarily before turning away, anger flashing behind his gray eyes.

�Remus, look, this isn�t just about you anymore. I see Hermione every day and she�s hurting too. She�s scared to death she�s losing you.� Sirius paused before continuing. �And frankly, so am I.�

The anger left Remus�s eyes as he stared blankly out the window. Sirius laid a hand on Remus�s shoulder momentarily before getting up to leave.

�Sirius��

Sirius stopped in his tracks.

�I do appreciate what you are trying to do�� and I am trying.� Remus finally looked up, meeting Sirius�s gaze and giving him a half smile.

�You know I�m always here for you, Moony.�

Remus nodded and looked away, �I know.�

Sirius left the room lost in thought. It had to be bad, Remus never kept anything from him this long, not since the wolf. What did they do to you Moony? But he knew Remus would probably never tell him, or tell anyone for that matter. Whether it was because Remus was trying to protect everyone else from the horror of it, or because it was just too painful to talk about, he�d probably never know. In reality, it was probably a bit of both.

***

That night, as Hermione crawled into bed next to Remus and snuggled up against him, she thought about how distant he�d been since her bath. She�d come downstairs to sit next to him, but he�d seemed far away, lost in thought. She felt like the progress they�d made was slipping away. As she turned out the light, she leaned over and whispered in his ear, �I love you Remus.� Hermione waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to respond.

�I know,� was all he said.

Hot tears burned her eyes. She didn�t want him to see her like this but she was too hurt and angry to stop the tears. She threw back the covers and sat up, intending to leave. She felt the firm grip of his fingers wrap around her arm. He didn�t speak to her, but the look in his eyes pleaded, �Please don�t leave� as he pulled her towards him, wrapping her in his arms. She buried her head in his shoulder, concentrating on keeping her breathing even as the tears streamed down her face. What she wouldn�t give to have the old Remus back, she thought, as she drifted off to sleep.

As he sat on the floor waiting for the moon to rise and his transformation to begin, he heard the familiar clicking noises of the door being opened. He watched as two dark figures entered the room. Then he noticed they were dragging something behind them. Not something, someone. He felt a huge wave of nausea wash over him as the scent of musky roses and citrus infiltrated his senses. Hermione. He watched in horror as they threw her broken body into the far corner of the room, hearing her groan in pain as she hit the hard concrete floor. He scrambled to his feet, but one of the Death Eaters raised his wand, pointing it straight at her heart. �Sit down or we will make her suffer.� His heart was racing and he could taste the bile rising in his throat. The sound of her muffled cries broke his heart. Oh, god, not Hermione! He could sense the fear radiating off of her. To his surprise, the Death Eaters left. Waiting only moments, he rushed to her side, pulling her into his arms as she sobbed against his chest. But then, she was pushing him away and running for the door trying to get out. Looking over her shoulder at him she screamed. In the shock and confusion of her being thrown into the room, he hadn�t realized what was happening. And then he felt it. He felt his body being pulled and twisted as the realization of what she�d seen hit him. He was transforming, he was becoming the wolf. He knew the wolf would tear her to shreds��and so did she. �NOOOOOOOO!� he screamed, trying to fight the transformation. But the wolf was thirsty for blood and the wolf was eager for such a fresh catch.

�Remus, Remus! Wake up!� her heart was pounding at the sound of his screams. She shook him gently, afraid to startle him. �Remus, please!�

Finally, his eyes popped up, a look of utter terror running through them.

�Remus, it�s okay. It was just a dream.� She noticed in the pale light of the moon that he face was streaked with tears.

He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. �Hermione,� he said, his voice pained and lost.

�Shhh�.. it was just a dream.� She felt him bury his head in her hair, inhaling her scent, his hands grasping the skin of her back so tightly it hurt.

�Shhh�.� she repeated, running her hand through his hair. �It�s okay. I�m here now. You�re here now. That�s all that matters, Remus; us, together, right here, right now.�

Finally, he loosened his grip on her back a little and took a deep breath. Laying back so he could look into her eyes, he said, �Hermione, I�m sorry. I know I haven�t been myself lately. I just feel so�� lost.� He reached up and gently ran his fingers along her moonlit face. �My god, Hermione, they almost killed me. If it wasn�t for the wolf, I�d have never gotten out of there alive. I sat in that putrid cell day after day thinking that I�d take all the cursings and beatings in the world if I could just see your face one more time. I almost lost you, Hermione, and that thought never leaves me. Never. Even when you�re right here next to me, I�m sure I�m going to lose you.�

The pain in his voice was excruciating. She wrapped her arms around him, �I�m not going anywhere Remus, I promise.�

He held her for a long time before cupping her face in his hands. He stared into her brown eyes for a moment before drawing her to him.

As their lips met, her stomach dropped; warm sensations shot through her body. He kissed her deeply, desperately, as she returned his kisses with the same desperation.

�I love you, Hermione,� he whispered between kisses, �more than you could ever know.�

She felt like a great burden had been lifted off her shoulders with his words. �I love you too, Remus.�

The next morning when Hermione came down for tea, Harry was busy reading a letter Ron had sent. Noticing Sirius watching her intently, as he had every morning since she�d arrived, she smiled sadly and nodded. Sirius gave her a questioning look, but Hermione just shook her head. From the crestfallen look on Sirius�s face, Hermione knew that Sirius understood that what Remus had told her was much too personal for her to ever share with him.

***

As Remus slowly healed and it became less painful for him to take a breath, Hermione�s time at Order Headquarters was drawing to a close. She had been waiting for the right moment to give this but it never seemed to come. Remus would be taking her to the train station in a few hours. She had been very excited about giving him his present before everything had happened, but now she was a bit nervous. Would he take it the way she intended? Or would he be angry? She wished she hadn�t waited until the last day to find out.

�Remus?�

He looked up from the book he was reading, �Yes love?�

�I� I have a gift for you, for the wolf.�

At that he looked both surprised and apprehensive.

Snuggling closer to him, she said, �I feel I owe a lot to the wolf for he saved the man I love. Without him, there would be no you.� She watched him closely, hoping he wouldn�t push her away. Instead, he just looked intrigued. She handed him the wooden box.

As he opened it, he saw the two vials of a sparkling, gold colored potion. A look of bewilderment crossed his face. �This can�t be what I think it is��

Hermione smiled and nodded, swelling with pride.

�But how?�

�I made it.�

�This is one of the most complex potion�s there is. How did you�� WHEN did you?�

�Well that, you see, is the best part. I chose the Wolfsbane potion as my final Potions project.�

At that, Remus looked stunned.

�Oh, it was brilliant, really,� Hermione continued, thrilled to be able to finally tell Remus the story. �I had it all planned out. Snape was beside himself with fury and he was sure I would fail. He did everything he could to mess things up for me��just ask Harry��but I was one step ahead of him. I�d contacted Healer�s across the globe who were well-known for making the Wolfsbane potion. They were very gracious and offered me lots of advice as well as answering any questions I had along the way. I was the first one to turn in my potion, and I never asked Snape a single question. It was a glorious day!� She beamed. �And, I made three batches. One I had to hand in, but the other two��a six month�s supply��I made for you.�

�Hermione,� he said, touching her face in awe, �You are amazing. Thank you.�

�You�re very welcome. And, now that I know how to make it, I can always make it for you. I know I can�t be with you when you transform, but at least this way, I�ll be able to feel like I�m a small part of it.� She looked at him tentatively for his approval.

He wrapped her in his arms. �Have you told Sirius?�

�No,� she said, a bit confused at his question.

�Oh, you have to tell him, you and Harry together. He just loves when someone gets the better of Snape.�

Hermione laughed. �Did I really break two bones in Snape�s face when I slapped him?�

�Yes, you really did. I wouldn�t make that up.�

�I�m lucky I didn�t get suspended�� or worse.�

Remus smiled, �Actually, I think most of the teacher�s were quite pleased to see Professor Snape get put in his place.�

***

When they arrived at the train station, she realized there were a lot things she�d wanted to say that she hadn�t said yet. �Remus, I��

He put his fingers to her lips, �I know, love.� He leaned forward and kissed her. Her knees felt weak and he laughed as she swayed beneath his touch.

She wrapped her arms around him tighter, �I�m going to miss you.�

�You�ll be back soon. I have to teach you how not to splinch yourself.� He kissed her lightly, and then added, �On second though, having half of you with me and half of you with your parents might not be such a bad idea.�

�Oh, Remus, don�t even say that. That�s not funny! The though of splinching terrifies me.�

He brushed her hair out of her face, �Don�t worry, you�ll do fine. You�re the most brilliant and talented witch in a century. Apparating should be a piece of cake for you. And anyways, you love taking tests.�

�Oh stop it! Now you sound like Harry and Ron,� she said rolling her eyes. �I don�t love taking tests, I just�� Oh nevermind!�

She kissed him good-bye and waived as her train sped out of the station. In a little over a month she�d be back, and then she�d be staying with him for at least a month, maybe longer.

***

As Remus pulled back the covers that night to crawl into bed, he noticed a plainly wrapped parcel tucked neatly between the pillows. Intrigued, he untied it to find a small bundle of blank parchment. Bringing the bundle to his nose he inhaled deeply��Hermione. Tapping it with his wand he whispered, �Si ce soit un reve, donc cedez a mon ame, pour que mon amour et moi-meme soient unis dans un sommeil sans fin.� He watched as her beautiful handwriting sprawled across the parchment.

My Dearest Love,

I realize that you may never get the chance to read these letters, but I have to believe that somewhere, somehow, you will get that chance. I can�t stand the thought of losing you forever. I promised you that I would wait for you, and I will, even if I have to wait the rest of my life. I love you, Remus Lupin, and nothing will ever change that.

I promise.

Hermione

With blurred vision, he read the next letter. This letter was much longer and much more like the letters they�d exchanged over the past year. He was amazed at the effect her elegant words had on him; how he could get lost in the pages she�d written just for him. Laying under the covers, the words made him feel as if she was laying next to him, the tips of her fingers dancing over his quivering body, her lips caressing his neck. He could feel her breasts as they brushed up against him, feel her soft skin as he lay on top of her. He could feel the exquisite joy that was making love to her. Hermione. He closed his eyes at the wondrous rush of emotions, falling asleep with her beside him.
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Love Lies Bleeding