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SMOLDERING WITHIN	By : kimberjingle1 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 5802 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
CHAPTER ONE � The Question, The Realization, and a First
Date

PLEASE NOTE: This is the disclaimer for the entirety of
this fic: I don�t own anything. JK Rowling owns everything in the universe.

Warning: Setting is after OotP in Harry�s seventh year.
This and future chapters may include: adult language, sexual identity
frustration, oral sex, first time sex issues, masturbation, mainly gay but
mentions of heterosexual sex, light bondage, stressful issues, forced sexual
situations, violence, suicide attempts, mental anguish and psychological
instability. There are a few original characters just for plot reasons, but the
theme here is Harry/Draco (as it should be.)

Harry sat at a work table in the library at Hogwarts
finishing the last two lines of his extracurricular summer work for the
Headmaster on special training. Upcoming would be his last year at Hogwarts
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This was the second summer he�d spent at
Hogwarts. After the Ministry fiasco of fifth year and end of term, Harry had
gone back to number four Privet drive and had remained only two weeks until
Vernon had started again. This time Harry had ended up in the hospital after
the abuse and Dumbledore had finally intervened. Harry was now under the
Headmaster�s guardianship as he had been since that summer of fifth year.

Voldemort was dead after the Christmas holiday break of last
year. Harry had gone to the Burrow with Ron and Hermione for Christmas as
usual. Voldemort found out and had arrived slinging every curse he could
muster. Luckily, Dumbledore and the aurors showed up, but only after Harry had
broken the Cruicatus curse and had killed Voldemort with the killing curse from
the ground where he lay almost unconscious from the torture of Voldemort and
his minions. Ron had been injured along with George and Arthur, but Harry�s was
the worst and he remained in St. Mungo�s for two weeks with exhaustion, some
type of convulsive pain spasms from an unknown dark curse which was eventually
cured, and severe migraines which made him so sick that he would pass out each
time he opened his eyes for first few days. A few of the Death Eaters who were
there got away and even less were sent to Azkaban after trial claiming they�d
been under the Imperius. But that was December twenty-seventh of last year.
This was August the fourteenth of the new beginning of Harry�s life.

Now days things were good and pleasant, but Harry was now a
very quiet person and kept to himself and his studies. Even though he did play
Quidditch and occasionally spent time with his friends, he was mostly seen in
the library alone studying or in the ever-present company of Dumbledore for the
past two years. The pair were inseparable it seemed. Harry always possessed a
shy and quiet nature, but now he was totally withdrawn into himself and his
precious studying and books which rivaled Hermione�s own collection now. Harry
had been the top student in his year last year even surpassing Hermione and
Draco Malfoy surprising them both.

Hermione and Ron who had now been a couple since the summer
of fifth year tried to coax Harry to date any girl. Any one. Anytime. Anything.
But Harry refused each time citing one excuse or another or that he�d rather
just be left alone. At one point of badgering, Harry totally ignored the both
of them for two whole weeks without one single word until Hermione and Ron
apologized and promised to never ask Harry to date again. Which he didn�t for the
last two years. At each Yule Ball, upper classman dance, or any function Harry
attended alone and seemed unaffected since he only attended and read a book or
only stayed the minimally required amount of time before he left to seek
solitude or be in the company of the oldest man alive.

The last two summers were happy for Harry who had the whole
of Hogwarts to himself as the only student. He was blessed to be in the company
of Dumbledore every single day and many nights where he stayed in Albus� own
quarters on his sofa or even in his bed after long talks. Harry had been taught
wandless magic by Albus over the years along with finishing his
Occlumens/Legilimens training, mind control, a host of other skills and more
importantly how to control his phenomenal magical strength. Harry was still
asked to use a wand in class during the school term, but during the summer like
now, his wand lay in his trunk dormant until the beginning of term which was in
two weeks and three days. Harry had plans to leave in three days to go to the
Burrow to spend the last two weeks until the beginning of term was to begin.

This year was it. The final year before graduation. His
classmates had all grown into men and women. Hermione was a lovely young woman
with a curvy and feminine figure now. Her hair was finally straight like she�d
always wanted and cut just past her shoulders. Last summer, Hermione had to get
glasses but she opted for contact lenses most of the time now claiming that the
glasses frames hurt her ears. Ron had outgrown the entire seventh year class.
Standing tall at six foot and four inches he was over a head taller than Harry
who was still at only five foot seven and was nearing one of the shortest in
his year. To Harry�s dismay, his nemesis, Draco Malfoy, who had always been one
of the smallest boys besides Harry, had grown over the years and was now three
inches Harry�s senior in height. Malfoy was still SlytSlytherin prince and
obvious leader of their house. The smooth talking snake, as always, continued
to throw his barbed wit to Harry, but having had Dumbledore�s guidance and
having acquired the man�s enduring patience, Harry now shrugged off anything
Malfoy said and walked away not caring one way or the other it seemed.

Harry finished the last two lines of his report for his
extracurricular summer lesson for Albus, as Harry had taken to calling the man
some years back. After he rolled up the parchment carefully, he placed his
books, quill and ink into his book bag in his perfecting manner. The library
books were placed on the table carefully and Harry left the Restricted Section,
locking it as always. He took his book bag to his dorm room and slipped on his
headband. For the past two summers, Albus had suggested that Harry find the
peace he sought and a calming meditation by doing physical exercises. Every day
during the school term, Harry was up at five in the morning running the trail
he�d measured around the Hogwarts perimeter and at night he did fifty push ups
and sit ups. He was now up to five miles every morning before breakfast. Today
the rain from the night before had hindered him from his morning run, but it
was now nearing three in the afternoon, sunny and bright.

The feeling of running and enjoying his solitude along with
the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful lush scenery by the lake and forest was
a welcome daily retreat that Harry looked forward to. He�d just rounded out the
last half of the fourth mile when he saw Hagrid up ahead doing some trimming
along the forest line in preparation for the students coming in just over two
weeks. As always when he was out running, Harry stopped to talk and assist if
he could in his kind and helpful way. After Harry had done some wandless moving
of the brush away and Hagrid thanked him for the help, Harry ran the rest of
the way to the school where he was surprised to see Albus standing on the front
steps awaiting him.

�Did you have a nice run?� Albus asked.

�Yes, sir,� Harry breathed and stretched out a bit. �Was
there something you needed with me?�

�Not needed in a sense,� Albus said. Harry was curious. �I
was hoping that you and I could take a small walk to Hogsmeade and have a nice
refreshing beverage.� Harry was automatically suspicious.

�By all means, sir. I�ll shower, dress and meet you here in
a half hour. Is that alright?� Harry asked. Albus nodded.

�That would be fine,� Albus said. Harry�s curiosity got the
best of him.

�I can�t help but wonder if there�s something you wish to
tell me,� Harry said. �We�ve never gone to the village to have a drink, sir.
Couldn�t we just have one here?�

�This is a lovely day and I was wanting to speak to you on
some�.well, some personal matters,� Albus said.

�Personal matters,� Harry repeated. Albus nodded. Harry was
more dumbfounded than before but he forced a tiny grin and nodded.

�I�ll hurry,� Harry said passing the man continuing his run
through the hallway and up to Gryffindor tower. After a refreshing shower,
Harry selected one pair of his khaki slacks and a nice cream colored short
sleeved shirt with a matching khaki stripe across the front along with his new
comfortable brown loafers.

Albus had insisted that Harry get rid of all of Dudley�s old
cast off clothing when he was brought into his guardianship. Harry had from that
time on, kept a very nice style of very nice, conservative attire which fitted
him perfectly. His hair now was always kept neatly trimmed into a much shorter
and manageable style which framed his face and highlighted his raven locks and
large emerald green eyes. His newer style of smaller designer frame glasses
were very thin and almost unnoticeable now. Harry was the most sought after but
the ever unattainable date. Even though he was now withdrawn and quite shy,
Harry was a fierce duel competitor and seeker. He was toned, tanned, handsome,
kind, witty, intelligent, famous and quite comfortable with his finances left
to him by his deceased parents. The ultimate prize and bedding goal for every
girl at the school and half of the boys. But Harry never saw any of it and
whether he didn�t know or ignored those facts, no one knew.

�I�m ready, sir,� Harry said to Albus who had sat outdoors
at the front steps and waited on him.

�Very good. Let�s go,� Albus walked in his slow pace and
Harry followed always at the man�s right side silently as if in contemplation
of some deep dark universal conundrum. The pair walked in silence the entire
way which was nearly a mile. They had almost reached the Hogwarts� gates when
Albus spoke again. �Are you looking forward to going to the Burrow and visiting
with your friends in three days?�

�Yes, sir,� Harry said. �Ron got a new broom for becoming a
prefect this year and I�m taking my Firebolt. We were planning to come up with
some new plays for the team while I was there.�

�I thought that you might take the prefect position when I
offered again this year, but if your studies are more important to you, then I
respect that,� Albus said. �Are there any other plans while you�re with the
Weasleys?� Harry thought.

�I think Arthur was wanting to take the family, Hermione and
myself to London to see a movie and then to dinner,� Harry said. �I don�t know
which movie, but he still gets a bit confused with muggle currency. He knows
I�ll help out if he needs it. I think the real reason he wants to take us is
that Ron and Hermione wanted to go on a real date. Go someplace nice and be
together. That kind of thing.�

�What about you?� Albus asked.

�I�m all for it. I think they�re a great couple as they�ve
always been,� Harry said.

�No, I meant what about you?� Albus asked as they walked
slowly. The sidewalk of Hogsmeade village was up ahead. �I can�t help but
wonder if you would like to also take a date to the movie. That�s something
young men your age like to do.�

�Is this about Ginny Weasley?� Harry asked. �I�ve told you
that those rumors aren�t true.�

�Harry, this has nothing to do with Ginny Weasley unless you
want it to,� Albus said. Harry looked at the man obviously confused. �What I
mean is that you have taken no dates to any functions for two years. I�m simply
curious as to why that is.�

�Well, I�,� Harry stammered and looked to his feet as he
walked slowly beside the man as they reached the sidewalk. �I don�t know. I did
have a date with Cho Chang in my fourth year. I just�� Harry shrugged. �I just
don�t enjoy that.�

�I see,� Albus said quietly as they walked in silence for a
good ten minutes more until they reached the Hogs Head where they entered.
Albus� brother Aberforth was the owner and operator of the bar and he came to
them as they sat.

Aberforth talked to them for awhile and Harry spoke only
when asked a question. They were served Fizzy Pops which were the wizarding
world�s new version of a carbonated soda. They were cold and refreshing after
the long walk in the warm sun. Both had finished half of their pops and Albus
had kept a scrutinizing gaze on Harry the entire time. Harry was rolling a coin
between his knuckles in silence. Harry would occasionally vanish the coin and
make it spin in the air or in his palm with magic. Albus cleared his throat and
decided to try again.

�Harry, is there any girl that you find nice or possibly
even attractive in your year or even below that you may want to take to the
movie?� Albus asked out of the blue. Harry looked slowly up the man and was a
blank slate.

�Not particularly, sir,� Harry said and then went back to
his coin play. Albus was trying his best.

�No one has ever caught your eye?� Albus asked. �No one at
all?� Harry looked to his hand and kept fidgeting with the coin until Albus
summoned the coin to his own hand. Harry�s hand dropped to the table in
stillness. �Harry, talk to me.� Harry sighed.

�I don�t know how to date or�I mean I never�,� Harry said
quietly. �I don�t know anything about�I mean I know about�well, that, but�I just
never��

�Let�s try this again,� Albus said trying to put him at
ease. �Is there a person in the school that you would like to spend a bit of
time with in a non classroom setting besides Ron and Hermione?�

�Well, I do spend time with Dean, Seamus, Neville, Ginny,
her boyfriend Michael and any lab partners I have in potions or Advanced
Arithmancy or Runes,� Harry said. Albus sighed and rubbed his eyes under his
glasses. Desperate times equal desperate measures.

�Harry, I�ll be blunt with you. Is that alright?� Albus
asked.

�Of course, sir,� Harry said.

�Why don�t you date? Why don�t you ask any girl to come to
Hogsmeade with you to spend time with them in a non-studying way?� Albus asked.
�I�m not asking to pressure you or to be prying into your personal life. I�m
only asking because you are seventeen and have never been on a single date. You
have never asked to visit any of your friends over the summers besides Ron and
Hermione at the Burrow. You are withdrawn and I�I am well aware that you are a
bit shy, but you�ve closed yourself off and I worry about you.�

�There isn�t any reason to worry,� Harry said. �I�m fine.
Dating girls may be fine for others, but I�m just not interested in that sort
of thing.� To any other pair of ears that may sound like a perfectly reasonable
explanation, but to Albus who was wise beyond comprehension, it sounded like
the answer. The man thought for several minutes on how to approach the delicate
subject.

�Let me ask you a very personal question and you don�t have
to answer if you feel uncomfortable in any way,� Albus said. Harry nodded. �You
like to play Quidditch and be with your team. Is that right?� Harry grinned.

�That was the very personal question?� Harry was amused. �Of
course I do. They�re my house mates and great players.� Albus nodded.

�Is there one person on your team who is nice looking?�
Albus asked knowing that the whole of the Gryffindor team was male last term.

�Nice looking?� Harry asked and then thought. �Well, I
suppose Terry is nice looking. He�s the reserve seeker, you know.� Albus
nodded.

�What do you think makes Terry nice looking?� Albus asked.
Harry shrugged.

�Well, he has a bright smile, he�s tall and the girls seem
to like him. He�s is also a kind person, I guess,� Harry said.

�The personal question I wanted to ask you is have you ever
felt an attraction to another boy?� Albus asked. Harry didn�t move but
swallowed just a bit and Albus knew he�d stumbled onto something.

�You mean like�like um�,� Harry stammered. �What do you mean
exactly?�

�An attraction,� Albus said. �Is there a boy, perhaps,
instead of a girl that you would like to spend time with in a more personal way
than just friends?� The sensitivity required delicate words. Harry looked to his
hands and his brain almost exploded.

�I�I don�t know what you mean,� Harry made the excuse. Albus
put his fingers lightly on Harry�s wrist.

�I don�t mean to make you uncomfortable,� Albus said kindly.
Harry shifted in his seat. �But I have a feeling that you may understand a bit
more about what I�m asking that you are telling me. I won�t push you. But if
you want to talk about how you feel, I am, as always here to listen. I will not
judge you in any way, Harry. And if it is your choice that you would prefer to
spend time with another male rather than dating any girl, then that is your
choice. If you did decide to spend time with another boy you found nice and
even were attracted to, then I would be equally as pleased as you were.� Harry
swallowed and bit the inside of his lip again. They each finished off their
sodas and Albus left the payment on the table before the pair ventured from the
Hogs Head.

Harry�s mind was a blur of thought as the two stopped in
briefly to the sweet shop and Albus talked to a few patrons, bought a few sugar
quills, lemon drops and other assorted hard candies for the week. Harry stood beside Albus as always trying to
hide in the shadow of the man and spoke only when spoken to. The pair was
almost halfway across the lawn of Hogwarts on the way to the school before
either spoke again. It was, as usual, Albus.

�I hope I didn�t upset you with my questions today, Harry,�
Albus said kindly in an apologetic way.

�No. Of course, you didn�t, sir,� Harry said still looking
at his shoes as he walked.

�I just want you to know that if you want to speak with me
on a personal level, that I�m here for you,� Albus said. �And quite frankly if
you did have an attraction to your own gender, that is quite common for young
men of your age. When I was but a lad, I had a friend of whom I was very fond
and I was even attracted to him in a non platonic way for a brief spell.� Harry
felt as if Christmas morning had just broken but his expression was a bit more
covering.

�You did? What did you do about it?� Harry asked in a bit of
interest but trying not to sound eager.

�One afternoon after we�d helped his father with some
painting on a horse shed, the two of us went swimming in a nearby pond,� Albus
said wistfully remembering. �We�d wrestled and had splashing fun in the water
for a few hours until we came ashore to lie in the sun and dry. I can remember
the sunlight glistening off of his skin and I was almost hypnotized by it. I
knew I had felt an urge to be more than a friend several times over the past
few weeks of that summer. I, like you, was just a bit shy and I had kissed a
girl before. But as we had stood to go back indoors, I kissed him.�

�You did?� Harry asked almost breathless. �Well�how did he
react?�

�Richard was a kind person and after I had kissed him, he
gently told me that he was sorry but that he did not reciprocate feelings of
that type for me, but that he hoped that we could still be best friends,� Albus
said. �And we were friends after that. I was best man at his wedding to
Penelope and I was there when all four of his children were born and then
married. I was a consoling shoulder to cry on at the death of his wife of sixty
six years, and I was also at his funeral only sixteen years ago. But never did
I forget that one summer afternoon kiss and what I had learned.�

�And what was it that you learned, sir?� Harry asked quietly
at the sad story.

�That I would never have known how I felt had I not taken
the opportunity to find out,� Albus said. Harry thought on those words as they
entered the school. �It�s an hour and a half until dinner in the dining hall
for you and I. Would you like to accompany me to my office? I have a bit of
paperwork to do.�

&s]>

�I think I�ll practice with a bit of wandless spell casting
for my test in two days,� Harry said quietly. Albus nodded.

�Very well. I�ll see you at dinner,� Albus turned and left
Harry standing in the empty and eerily silent hallway. Over the two summers,
Harry had explored every single inch of Hogwarts. With the aid of the
Maurauder�s Map, Harry had found even more rooms, hidden rooms, passages,
tunnels, caves, nooks, alcoves and invisible passages over the months of the
summers which he�d added to the map after finding the spells which were placed
on the parchment. Harry had explored
the forbidden forest with Hagrid on many, many occasions and he knew it quite
well. Every houself knew Harry personally now and he knew all their names. The
teachers would ask Harry for assistance when they needed it and Harry always
did as asked without question. He�d not had a single detention in almost two
years and his repression after Voldemort was defeated was blamed on depression,
guilt, mental illness or instability, or simply boredom.

But Harry was hiding. Running from himself and the questions
in his mind of who he was now. He would always be �The Boy Who Lived� in the
minds of wizards. He�d been given many names in his lifetime. �The Lion King�
was a favorite one of the muggleborns who had actually seen the Disney movie
and �The Little Hero� or �The Golden Boy� was the favored among the Slytherin
insults. Harry never listened to the names as nothing seemed to penetrate the
shell he�d formed around him. Yes, he was kind to everyone and not a single bad
word was ever said about Harry Potter with the exception of a few of the
die-hard Slytherins whose fathers had suffered Azkaban or had been killed in
the final battle after Christmas. Harry was the shy, the meek, and the timid,
nice boy who possessed strength of character and phenomenal magical power when
he rarely decided to use it in front of anyone.

Inside Harry knew. He was alone. Not just the type of alone
where there isn�t anyone around like a friend to play a nice game of chess. Harry
was lonely. He had his friends, Ron, Hermione, and his dorm mates�but he wanted
someone. Harry remembered as he walked to his dorm room in Gryffindor Tower. It
had been a school night and he, Ron and Hermione had just finished their Charms
work. Ron had promise to be up to the dorm in a few minutes, and Harry had left
them alone. Dean, Seamus and Neville were already sleeping and Harry at feeling
the third wheel in the common room with Ron and Hermione, had slipped on
pajamas and had lain in his bed for almost an hour.

With curiosity to see what they were doing more so than to
see if Ron was alright, Harry crept out of his bed, closed his curtains and
took the invisibility cloak down to the common room to see his two best friends
lying on the sofa together kissing, touching and holding the other. Ron�s hand
slipped up Hermione�s shapely thigh under her skirt as Harry watched. It wasn�t
anything new, really, he�d seen it before, but this time it almost hurt to
watch. Harry wanted someone to hold him. To kiss him. To love him in that way
that his friends were showing to each other. Harry had not felt like sleeping
so he ventured silently out of the portrait hole and down the lone hallways in
slippers, pajamas and his invisibility cloak.

After a long, slow walk through many hallways, he ended up
in the north tower sitting on the windowsill there just staring out across the
moonlit night. He�d been there almost an hour when he heard footsteps coming up
the stairs. Quickly he donned the cloak and sat in the darkened corner of the
room in the floor.

To his surprise, Draco Malfoy walked in and came to sit in
the windowsill in almost the exact position Harry had been in before. Harry was
barely four feet away from him. If there had been a vote on the most gorgeous
boy at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy would win hands down every single time. His light
platinum blond hair was no longer slicked back as in years past. It was loose
and fell about his face in a spiky tousled sort of way which was sexy and
suited him. He�d also taken to wearing muggle clothing, mainly expensive,
name-brand t-shirts and jeans like all the other students and he�d filled out a
bit from being what some would call small and spindly, to slim, taut, firm,
toned and proportioned. Draco�s demeanor was still icy and quick, but the petty
bickering with those of muggle parentage and others he felt beneath him had
worn thin over the years as he concentrated on his studies and generally
ignored everyone in a haughty way.

But on this night, Harry watched him in the silence and the
moonlight. There was a vulnerability there as the moonbeams dared to spread
their light across his perfectly smooth pale pureblood skin. Harry had always
known that Draco�s eyes were a beautiful silvery gray which reminded him of the
moonlight sparkling off of the frozen lake during the most chilling of winter
nights. But there was also a fire in those depths of frozen moonlight. A cold
icy inferno with dancing silvery white flames that could consume anyone daring
to get too close. Harry sat and watched Draco as if seeing him for the first
time. His long slender fingers were elongated and stood in stark contrast lying
against his black jeans. Draco sighed a long and almost saddened sigh as he
tipped his head back onto the wall as he sat in the windowsill. Harry had sat
mesmerized by Draco�s form, the ethereal glow of his skin bathed in moonbeams,
the light sway of his bare foot and his solemn and lonely mood. It was
hypnotic, tranquil and the most sensual thing Harry had ever witnessed in his
life.

To his embarrassment and utter horror, Harry�s body had
reacted at seeing such a perfect sight and after trying to ignore it for
fifteen minutes, Harry�s hand slipped down to lightly squeeze his erection
through his pajamas for a bit of re. Th. The feeling was almost over powering
and after fighting with himself at even thinking of doing something so
horrendous, Harry�s hand slipped silently into his pajama bottoms where he
touched himself while watching Draco. Harry wasn�t a stranger to his own body
and like all late aged teenage boys had masturbated frequently. But tonight it
was different. There was a focus of his attention in the same room and it was
not a girl. Those thoughts could wait however, because the attention was now
focused on Draco�s neck, his throat, his jaw line, that perfect skin and more
honestly that spot between Draco�s legs with the bulge. Harry tried to imagine
what lay beneath. The thoughts were too extreme and as Harry�s hand moved over
his flesh trying to be silent, he came inis his hand at the most intense and
satisfying orgasm he ever had in his young life. There were many more nights
Harry had ventured to the north tower alone, but Draco never showed up and
sometimes Harry wondered if he�d arrived there for the solitude of the place,
or if he was hoping Draco would mysteriously appear.

Harry was sitting on the front steps of the school lost in
the thoughts of that one embarrassing night and the snowball effect it had
created in his mind. It began when Harry questioned himself over why he�d had
an erection over seeing Draco there in the windowsill. He�d managed to come up
with many answers. The first being that he was an average hormonal teenage boy
and as everyone knows sometimes an erection just appears out of nowhere. Another
theory was that Draco was very sexy looking and no one could deny that. Another
was that anyone bathed in the moonlight in that windowsill in that pose would
have produced a reaction. Harry had tried out that theory in trying to imagine
Hermione or even Ron, Seamus or Dean in the same pose, but had no physical
reaction at all. The other more disturbing answers Harry kept at the back of
his mind. I think am attracted to boys, but the only boy I�ve ever had such a
reaction to is Malfoy. And the most disturbing of all�am I gay? Harry had
mentally wrestled with that question over the past two years, so it wasn�t as
if it was a new thought, but he�d never voiced his feelings on the subject to
another living soul. now now Albus had asked and Harry had not necessarily
denied anything, but he�d not offered any answers either because he had none
himself.

For almost two hours Harry sat on the steps of the school in
his deep contemplation of himself and wandlessly cast many spells, did some
levitation for fun, and did the powerful casts which Albus would be testing him
on in a few days. He�d practiced continually for years on his wandless magic so
the spells and casts came effortlessly now. When the door behind him opened,
Albus was there.

�Are you not eating dinner?� Albus asked. Harry glanced to
his watch and noticed he was fifteen minutes late.

�I�m sorry, sir,� Harry said as he stood. �I was practicing
and�well, thinking a bit.� The pair entered the dining hall and took their two
seats at the small round table which was the only one in the hall since there
was only Albus, Harry, Hagrid and skeleton staff at the school for the summers.
This evening Hagrid had gone to Diagon Alley where he was meeting two friends
for a night of gambling and even though unsaid, much drinking of ale. The other
teachers had taken the last two weeks before term away on vacations, to visit
family or other pleasurable things so it was only Albus and Harry in the castle
this evening.

�What were you thinking of so completely that you forgot
your dinner?� Albus asked as he began to eat his fresh salad and ham pie. Harry
moved his food around on his plate with his fork and swallowed.

�I was thinking of what you and I were speaking of earlier,�
Harry said quietly staring at his plate. Albus nodded his understanding of the
subject matter and there ensued a long silence as Albus ate and Harry picked at
his food while Albus watched him. Albus, as always, would push further.

�And what thoughts did you have on the subject?� Albus
asked. �Would you like to speak of matters since it�s only you and I here this
evening?� Harry stilled in nervousness and finally gave a tiny nod which was
barely perceptible. Albus had finished his salad and Harry had still not
spoken. Albus tried not to gin. �Your manner of speaking is very quiet.� Harry
grinned just a bit.

�I don�t know what to say,� Harry said softly. Albus took
his napkin and wiped his mouth gently before speaking.

�Harry, there is no need for you to feel embarrassed about what
you feel,� Albus said.

�But that�s just it. I don�t know how I feel,� Harry said.

�Maybe I can assist you,� Albus said. �I�ll ask questions
and you can answer them if you feel that you�d like to.� Harry nodded. �Have
you ever felt an attraction to another boy?� Harry nodded just slightly knowing his cheeks were
turning pink. �And do you now have an attraction to a specific person?� Harry
nodded. Albus ate a few bites of his pie. �Harry, you were raised by muggles
and I understand that muggles are sometimes more prejudiced and condescending
in regard to a same gender attraction. I�m sure you know that the wizarding
world is much more accepting of those types of relationships and they are much,
much more common here.� Harry nodded. �Do you feel�perhaps, embarrassed by the
fact that you have this attraction to another boy?�

�Yes,� Harry whispered. �Albus, I�I�ve never said these
things before and I�ve tried to ignore them for�well, for�for years. But I keep
asking myself if�� Harry paused for a swallow and to brace himself as he bit
his lip lightly. �Do you think I�I mean, could I be�like that?� Harry looked to
him. �Do you think I�m�.you know?�

�Are you worried about what I think?� Albus asked. Harry
nodded. �Harry, your preferences are your own. If you prefer to seek the
company of the male gender in a relationship, then that is your choice. I will
not judge you or tell you that it�s wrong.�

�But isn�t it?� Harry asked. �I can�t be�be�like that. I
can�t be�gay.� Harry whispered the word.

�I�m not suggesting that you are,� Albus said. Harry looked
to the man in question. �If you have an attraction to another boy, then that�s
fine. You may be gay, you may not be. At your age you have a tremendous amount
of hormones and you may have the desire for sexual experimentation with your
gender. I think that�s normal for you to have those thoughts and feelings
because it means that you are exploring and finding out who you are. Do you
have an aversion to possibly being gay?� Harry shrugged lightly.

�I don�t know how I feel,� Harry said again. �I�ve never
spoken of this wanyoanyone before.�

�Why not?� Albus asked. �Do you not feel comfortable enough
with Ron and Hermione to share your feelings that you have an attraction to a
boy?�

�I can�t tell them that,� Harry said as if it were insane.
�They�d think I was insane. Ron would have a laughing fit and Hermione would
try to psychoanalyze me to figure out what was wrong with me.�

�You seem to feel that being gay is wrong,� Albus said. �Do
you think that?� Harry sighed.

�My uncle Vernon used to say�well, he said that anyone who
was gay was a pervert, depraved, upteupted and had mental illness of some type
and that they should be avoided,� Harry said. �He thought being gay was a
disease that would only require enough time and promiscuity with females to
cure. Which I know isn�t the case.� Albus heard the admission.

�And you know that isn�t the case because you have attempted
that fraudulent cure?� Albus smirked. Harry gave the man the tiniest of
irritated looks.

�No,� Harry said. �I�ve never�.� Harry stopped and changed
direction. �To be perfectly honest with you, I have had no attraction to anyone
in this school at all. Until one night I had gone to the north tower. As I was
there, this person came into the room and I hid underneath my cloak in the
corner. When he was sitting in the windowsill I was, as you said about your
attraction to Richard, I was mesmerized. The shape of his fingers, that long
crevice of his throat, the smoothness of his skin, and the slender curves of
his foot�� Harry trailed off. �I was horrified in that I was thinking and�and
even having bodily reactions toward this person who was a boy. Since that night
I have tried to look at others in a more reflective and open minded way, but I
have never had another attraction to anyone . Ev. Ever. And I don�t know if
that means I�m gay, or just that this one person can affect me in this way.�

�We are only human, Harry,� Albus said. �And sometimes we
can even become attracted to our friends.�

�This person is not my friend,� Harry said boldly. �This boy
and I have never been friends and will never be friends. Ever as long as either
of us exist on this planet. I think from what I�ve said you can safely guess
who I�m speaking of.� Albus only nodded knowing exactly who it was.

�I think many of your male classmates may have had similar
reactions to that particular individual as well as ninety percent of the
student body,� Albus said. �Possibly even some teachers.� Harry ginned and even
snickered just a bit at the old man�s humor. �He is a very handsome lad and I
will admit that.�

�But why him?� Harry asked and then sighed. �I have never
had such a reaction to a person. Not even a girl. No one. And that thought
disturbs me. I think there�s something wrong with me because of it.�

�Given the nature of your existing relationship with this
boy, I know you haven�t spoken to him at all regarding your evident
frustration,� Albus said. Harry laughed a bit.

�Oh god no,� Harry said. �That has potential for disaster
written all over it. My complete and utter humiliation to the entire wizarding
world is something I try to avoid.� Albus nodded with a grin.

�This is your last year at Hogwarts,� Albus said sadly. �I
find myself overjoyed that you have done everything ever expected of you and
much more. I�m very proud of who you have become.�

�Thank you, sir,� Harry said.

�But I�m also a jealous old fool for thinking that I�d like
to keep you here instead of allowing you to do as you wish as an adult when you
leave these walls,� Albus said. �Your acceptance and plans to attend Oxford are
notably impressive along with your desire to pursue twin degrees in Social
Anthropology and Business Law. I�ve also been impressed with your dedication to
your college studies already.�

�I�ve enjoyed the challenges with my college courses so far,
even though I�ve taken them by correspondence from here over the past two
years,� Harry said. �The Fine Literature, Calculus and English composition
courses were enlightening.�

�Since your grades at Hogwarts are a constant high average,
I suppose then that you�ve had no difficulty in having classes here along with
your college courses,� Albus said.

�No, sir. I�ve had no difficulty in keeping up with both,�
Harry said. �I enjoy all my studies very much. I never thought I�d have the
opportunity to attend college because Vernon wouldn�t pay for it, or that I
wouldn�t live long enough to do so. And even though I am now fully auror
trained which was required in the fight against Voldemort, I don�t wish to
pursue a career as an auror any longer. I�m not sure if I can remain in the
wizarding world as an adult. It�s just very difficult for me to live normally
here.� Albus nodded.

�Yes, I realize that,� Harry said. �But who would hire me as
a lawyer here? Would I be hired on my merits or simply for my name? I will
never know if I was successful because I will always think that wizards only
associate with me because of what I am in their eyes and not simply who I am as
a trained and educated professional. I don�t think I can live like that for the
rest of my life.�

�Again, I can understand that,� Albus said. �I�m old and
sentimental, Harry. I can�t bear to think of you leaving the wizarding world
for good.� Harry put his hand on Albus� briefly.

�I�ll come to visit you,� Harry said. �You know I will. And
it�s not that I want to leave here because I don�t. But I may have to for my
own peace of mind. I�m actually saddened that it has to be this way, but I�ve
suspected it for years as have you.� Albus nodded a bit. The somberness of the
conversation felt like a heavy weight in the room and Harry grinned to himself.
�But I may end up marrying Draco Malfoy and living in Malfoy Manor. You never
know.� The pair laughed at the unlikely event which lightened Albus� mood quite
a bit. �Would you like to play a challenging game of wizard poker? I beat you
last time if you remember.�

�Yes, how could I forget?� Albus asked. �You taunted me for
days.� Harry laughed softly with the man. �And I taught you to play.�

�I learned,� Harry argued. �I think I could attempt to play
with you, Aberforth and Barnabus one night if I was allowed.�

�It�s your galleons,� Albus said. �And Barnabus is a very
skilled player.�

�Then I�d better practice. How about a few hands before
bedtime?� Harry asked and then thought a bit more. �Maybe we could speak a bit
more about my um�my�situation. My feelings?� Albus agreed and the two spent a
nice evening together in Albus� quarters playing cards, having several
challenging debates over obscure magical spells, dark arts rituals, wizard
politics and other sordid topics on which they tended to disagree.

Harry did speak briefly about his desire to have someone in
his life in which to show and receive affection and that he wasn�t exactly
opposed to the idea of that person being of the male gender, but that his fear
was that he�d never had a relationship of either sort. He also admitted to his
embarrassment of lack of experience with kissing or any sexual act of which
he�d never participated and that he�d never touched another person in an
intimate way.

Albus, as always, was supportive and told Harry that there
was no rush to be sexually active and he should be patient, take things slowly
and if and only if he was comfortable with doing so. Much to Harry�s total
mortification, Albus discussed that if the need was there, that the hospital
wing did provide condoms for the boys who only had to ask for them and that
Madame Pomphrey was very understanding and would much rather have the students
ask for contraception and anything they needed rather than having to perform
other tasks when mistakes and sexually transmitted illnesses occurred due to
lack of protection. Harry simply nodded with pink cheeks and offered no spoken
words to that admission that he already knew anyway.

The next morning at breakfast, Hagrid and Albus were
reliving a delightfully funny story of some students who�d accidentally turned
themselves into tadpoles and Hagrid had to keep them in lake water in jars
until they became fully frogs before they could be transformed back into their
human counterparts. Harry was laughing when she came in.

�Good morning,� Tonks said as she sauntered in and put a
hand on Harry�s shoulder. �Hey, Harry. What�s up?�

�Just breakfast. What are you doing here?� Harry asked in
surprise.

�I came here to see you and Albus,� Tonks said. Harry had
been very fond of Tonks and Mad Eye Moody over the years. Tonks who was now
twenty four, was fun loving and was always telling jokes to Harry, some of
which were quite risqu� making Harry blush each and every time. Tonks was
equally as fond of Harry and they had spent many days of both summers and even
time during the school term together in auror training drills, practicing casts
and dueling together.

�Oh?� Albus asked. �Would you like to have some tea and
biscuits, Nymphadora?� Tonks shuddered at her given name.

�Please, Albus. Call me Tonks, you know I hate that name,�
Tonks whined in her bright way. Harry whirled his finger and created her a
chair to join them. �Good conjure. This chair isn�t going to bite my butt is
it?� She teased as she sat. Harry grinned.

�No,� Harry said quietly. �Of course not.� Tonks laughed and
lightly pushed Harry�s arm in her playful tomboyish way. Today her hair was in
purple twists which stuck up haphazardly all over her head making Hagrid stare
with a scowl of something that could have been revulsion, amusement or simply
awe.

�How are you big man?� Tonks asked Hagrid.

�Fair an� well,� Hagrid answered. �Wha� brings ye about?�

�Well, I came to see if Harry would be interested in coming
to London to spend two nights,� Tonks said. �Jameson Trindle is hosting an
advanced auror guard training session starting tomorrow. Me and Mad Eye thought
Harry might like to attend with me.� Harry�s face lit up and he looked to Albus
with his bright eyed expression.

�Would you like to attend, Harry? If you would I will allow
it,� Albus said. Harry smiled.

�Yes, I�d love to. Thank you, sir,� Harry said. �When is the
session? I�ll have to owl Arthur and Molly Weasley to tell them that I won�t be
able to come to the Burrow until the session is over.�

�That�s why I�m here. The first session is in the morning
starting at nine,� Tonks said. �You and I will have to share a hotel room in
London tonight, attend the session tomorrow, stay another night and then finish
up the next day session on Tuesday. Then we�ll come back that evening.� Harry
nodded a bit. �I tried to get another room for you, but they were booked up and
nothing in the other nearby hotels had anything either. I hope that�s not a
problem.� Harry looked to Albus.

�I don�t have a problem with that, I mean�unless you�?�
Harry asked in not knowing what to say.

�It�s a muggle hotel double room with two beds, a sofa and
some type of little kitchen thing with one of those hot electric box things,�
Tonks said.

�An oven?� Harry asked in a tiny amused way.

�Yeah. That�s it,� Tonks said. �An oven. I never was very
good with muggle electrical devices.�

�Appliances,� Harry said softly correcting her with a grin.
Tonks stuck out her tongue at him. �Do you happen to know the itinerary for the
teaching sessions?� Harry asked as he finished off his juice. �What subjects or
drills will be taught and practiced?�

�I did have a list of what would be covered, but I lost it
on my desk,� Tonks said.

�You lost it on your desk?� Harry asked in sarcastic tone.
�I�ve seen your desk, Tonks. You need to keep it tidy so that you can find
things. I could assist you with setting up a filing system if you�d like.�

�You are always on my case for being messy,� Tonks said. �I
like messy. I�m comfortable with messiness. You are just too�like you are,
Harry. Prim and proper. re are a wet blanket for a seventeen year old.�

�Just because I don�t parade myself around like a nitwit
like the other misfits in this school and I keep my things orderly that doesn�t
mean I�m incapable of having any fun,� Harry said. �I play Quidditch.� Harry
said in defense.

�Oh yes. That�s such fun,� Tonks said with disdain knowing Quidditch
was never her favorite sport because she wasn�t that fond of flying anyway.
�But you seem to like it, so whatever works for you is fine with me. I was
thinking that if you could leave here in a while that we�d take in a movie or
even go to a club tonight and have some fun before the session tomorrow. Derek
said he�d take us.� Harry had met Tonks� boyfriend before and like her, he was
an auror. �He wasn�t too keen on the idea of me sharing a room with you,
though.� Tonks winked to Harry who scowled.

�Why not?� Harry asked in that innocent way. �I get along
with David nicely.�

�It could be the fact that your cute, famous and�oh yeah, a
guy,� Tonks said. Harry went almost wide eyed.

�I�you mean he thought that I would�,� Harry was immediately
embarrassed and swallowed repeatedly. �I would never do anything like what I
hope you�re not suggesting he thought I would do.� Tonks and Albus grinned.

�Lighten up, Harry. I was teasing you,� Tonks said. �David
can�t attend the session because he�s on duty, but he said he could join us
tonight in London maybe after his shift ended.� Harry nodded.

�That sounds nice. A movie would be good,� Harry said.

�I was thinking more of the clubbing idea,� Tonks said.
�Sounds fun, huh? Dancing and music?� Harry paled.

�I�I don�t know how to dance,� Harry said. �I�d prefer a
nice quiet movie theatre to dancing. The music is okay, but there�s drinking
and just too many people at those places. It�s unnerving.�

�You are not old like Albus,� Tonks said. �Hell, Harry
you�re just seventeen. You should be out dancing the night away and trying to
drink illegally and things like that.�

�I don�t do things like that,� Harry said in his mature way.
�That�s immature and quite frankly very useless.� Harry adjusted his glasses
and picked at his sliced fruit from breakfast. Hagrid bid them goodbye and told
Harry to try the dancing as he left.

�I think it would be a nice idea for you to have a night
out,� Albus said. �You have muggle money?� Harry nodded. �Do you need anything
for your trip to London?�

�I�ll need a signed permission form for you giving your
consent for Harry to participate in the auror sessions since he�s under legal
age,� Tonks told Albus.

�I�ll go to my office and draw up a parchment to that
affect,� Albus said. �And Harry I hope you may reconsider Tonks� idea of going
to a dancing pub with others your age. I�ll even send you some extra currency
if you and Tonks would like to pick up an outfit each appropriate for that type
of entertainment.�

�Thank you, sir, but I really don�t think that I could do��
Harry started.

�Thanks, Albus,� Tonks said. �I could do with some clubbing
gear myself, Harry. We�ll take a quick shopping trip on the London strip and
have a ball!� Tonks was now excited. Harry sighed in dread.

�Tonks, please. Can�t we just go to a movie? I�d be just as
entertained by watching television in the hotel room,� Harry said. Tonks
snorted.

�You are so boring,� Tonks said. �Come on. Humor me. I never
hardly get a chance to go out clubbing in London with work all the time.
Besides you need to lighten up, Harry. You�re just not normal for your age.�
Harry looked to plate.

�Believe me, I know that, Tonks,� Harry said. �I�ve never
been the poster child for normalcy.�

�I think you may have a nice evening if you would give it a
chance, Harry,� Albus said.

�Look. You go with me to the club tonight, and I�ll go with
you to whatever you want to do tomorrow night. Deal?� Tonks asked. Harry
grinned.

�I�d like to tour the art museum,� Harry said. Tonks winced
visibly as she scowled.

�A museum?� Tonks asked. �That is your idea of fun?� Harry
nodded.

�There is also an environmental systems laboratory in London
which also gives daily tours,� Harry grinned.

�I�m wanting to party and you�re wanting to take an educational
field trip,� Tonks said. Harry and Albus laughed softly. �Fine. Whatever. Just
as long I get you to dance with me at least once.�

�I told you. I don�t know how to dance like that,� Harry
said. �It took me two years to learn to waltz properly with Molly Weasley
teaching me.�

�No wonder. She�s awful,� Tonks said. Harry gave Tonks the
head tilted look.

�Tonks, that wasn�t very nice,� Harry said. �Molly is like a
mother to me almost.�

�Sorry,� Tonks said in genuine apology. �Well, let�s pack
your bag and we�ll get going. We have to take a taxi and everything to get to
that hotel. I have the name and address�� Tonks began to search her pockets
frantically. �Somewhere�.� Harry held out a hand and summoned the tiny piece of
paper wandlessly from her shirt pocket and held it out to her. �Smart ass.�
Tonks took the paper and read it to them. Albus went to his office and Tonks
went with Harry up to Gryffindor tower and lay on his bed as he packed.

�Should I take combat pants for drills? Is this a physical combat
session?� Harry asked.

�Yeah. Some of it is,� Tonks said punching Harry�s pillow
under her head to fluff it as he neatly folded and packed his black leather
duffle bag which was a Christmas gift from Albus to replace the worn out one of
Dudley�s Harry had used for years which was green and purple with cartoon
figures on it and a rip in the side. �Worried about the physical stuff?�

�No,� Harry said. �I was just wondering what to pack.� Tonks
shifted on the bed.

�How do you sleep in this lumpy bed?� Tonks said. �This
thing is awful.�

�It�s finearryarry said. Tonks grinned wickedly.

�Been wearing out this mattress, have you?� Tonks asked
embarrassing him which was one of her favorite things to do.

�No, I haven�t,� Harry said. �As if it�s any of your
business.�

�So you prefer a cold classroom floor for getting frisky?�
Tonks kept on as she grinned.

�Tonks, please,� Harry said as he shyly and quickly put his
neatly folded underwear in his bag and blushed as he did so that a female had
seen his under things.

�Please, what?� Tonks asked. �You�ve never had a girl up
here? Hell, when I was at Hogwarts I know I spent a few nights in the Ravenclaw
and Hufflepuff boys� dorm rooms with guys I was seeing. You�ve never had girl
up here?�

�No,� Harry said. �That�s not allowed.�

�You�ve never had a girl up here at all? How about in the
common room?� Tonks asked. Harry shook his head. Tonks scowled. �Have you ever
even had a girlfriend?� Harry shook his head. �Why not? You don�t like girls?�
Harry�s eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out
and he swallowed.

�I�that�s none of your business either,� Harry said.

�I was just asking,� Tonks said. �You�re very nice looking.
Got a good body and all that. You�re not ugly or anything and I think you have
a great personality except just a little shy and all that. I would think girls
fall all over you for a date.�

�They do ask,� Harry said. �But I�m not�.I just�I�m not
interested in that type of thing.�

�You don�t want to date?� Tonks asked as she sat up. �That�s
sort of weird. You�re seventeen, Harry.� Harry sighed.

�Listen, I don�t want to talk about this, okay?� Harry
asked. �It�s sort of personal.�

�Fine. Whatever,� Tonks said. �Strange, but whatever.� Harry
finished packing all of his things including his new shaving kit Albus had
taken him to purchase in Diagon Alley earlier in the summer. It was one of
Harry�s nicest things and he�d been taught by Albus to shave but he only needed
to shave once every few days as of yet. Tonks snickered when he put it in the
bag and he gave her the look.

�Occasionally I have to shave, okay?� Harry asked her. �I
don�t want to be scraggly looking. I�ve been that my whole life. Albus expects
me to look my best at all times anyway.� With the addition of his sneakers and
some running gear, he was finished. �There. I�m ready if you are.� The pair
went to Albus� office and Harry�s bag was over his shoulder as he came into the
office.

�Are you ready to go?� Albus asked. Harry nodded. �Here is
your permission slip. And here is some additional muggle money for you and
Tonks if you decide to get something appropriate for your outing this evening.
There will be bit extra if you see something you�d like to have.�

�Do you need me to sign the bank account withdrawal form?�
Harry asked.

�No. This isn�t from your account. I�m giving this to you,�
Albus said.

�I�m not asking for your financial account assessment,
Harry. I wish you to have a nice time and I wanted to give this amount to you
so that you could�well�splurge a bit,� Albus said. �Please take it and buy
something nice that you want.� Harry grinned.

�Thank you, sir,� Harry said. �That�s very kind of you. Is
there anything from London you�d like which I can get while there?�

�Nothing I can think of,� Albus said. �I just want you to
have a nice time. And�you might find someone you�d like to spend some time with
in London.� Harry paled.

�I was telling him the same thing,� Tonks said. �He said
he�s never even had a girlfriend. I thought that was weird.� Tonks laughed.

�That doesn�t sound too strange to me,� Albus said. �Harry
is very selective about with whom he spends his time.�

�Please don�t speak of me as if I�m not here,� Harry said
with a grin. Albus nodded with a grin.

�Have a good time, Harry. Be safe,� Albus said.

�I will, sir. Thank you,� Harry said. �We should return on
Tuesday evening. If there is any delay I�ll notify you.� Albus nodded his
understanding.

�Here�s the portkey,� Tonks said. �We�re going to my place
first so I can get my stuff and then to a port location to catch a taxi.� Harry
put his hand on the key. �Bye, Albus. I�ll take care of him.� Tonks winked.
Harry waved shyly to Albus and they were ported away to London to her flat
which was messy and had clothing strewn about on furniture. Harry looked about.
�Just shut up.� Harry grinned. �Make yourself at home.�

�I would if I was some type of bovine,� Harry said quietly
but so that she heard.

�You�re asking for a hex, aren�t you?� Tonks said digging in
her closet for her bag and throwing things into it haphazardly which made Harry
almost cringe. She went into the bathroom and after some fumbling and rambling
she zipped up the bag quickly. �Okay. I�m done. We ready to port again?�

�If you are,� Harry said having not touched a thing in the
messy place the entire time. Tonks pulled out the portkey, muttered a spell and
they each touched it. With a flick of her wand to the portkey, they were tugged
away again and appeared in a small room of some office building. The pair
entered the hallway and were out of the building in moments. Harry hailed them
a taxi, Tonks gave the address and soon they were on their way to the hotel
which was near the London strip for shopping. The hotel was modest but
comfortable and they entered the room which was cold from the air conditioning
unit running.

�It�s freezing in here. I�ll cast us a warming spell,� Tonks
said pulling her wand. Harry put his hand on it to lower her wand and crossed
the floor to turn off the air unit under the window.

�This is muggle air conditioning cooling unit for the air. I
simply turned it off,� Harry said. �Magic isn�t necessary with muggles, Tonks.
They do things in a much simpler way.�

�Oh. I�ve heard of those air things,� Tonks said throwing
her bag onto the bed.

�I think it would be best if I took that bed,� Harry said.
�It�s nearest the door.�

�So?� Tonks said. �I�m the auror here and you�re sort of
like in my protective custody.� Harry grinned.

�Yeah. If any evil dark lords come, I�ll remember you can
handle it next time,� Harry said taking the bed Tonks didn�t want. He opened
his bag and hung up his clothing in the small closet, put his shaving kit which
held his toothbrush and other toiletries on the bathroom sink. He even put his
small snitch clock on the bedside table. After a few minutes, Harry had
unpacked and looked to Tonks who was sitting on the bed watching him. �Aren�t
you going to unpack?�

�What�s the use? We�re only here for two nights and I can
charm my clothes to be not wrinkled,� Tonks said.

�You�re a lazy wizard,� Harry said pulling his wallet and
putting the permission slip and other money Albus had given him into it. �We
have almost two hours until lunchtime. Would you like to watch television or�I
don�t know. Take a walk or something? I�ve run five miles today already.�

�You did Alb Albus still having you run every morning?�
Tonks asked unzipping her bag and looking through it.

�I enjoy the exercise,� Harry said as he sat on his bedside.
�It�s a meditative as well as a physical activity for me. He doesn�t make me
run. I enjoy it. I brought my shorts and sneakers if you�d like to join me in
the morning for a run.�

�What time? Not too early,� Tonks said pulling out a few
things and hanging them up as Harry had done.

�I go every morning at five,� Harry said.

�Five?!� Tonks said. �Hell no. I�m not getting up that early
to go running in the fog.�

�You should be more disciplined,� Harry said. �I thought all
aurors were trained with discipline and a physical regimen.�

�We were,� Tonks said. �It didn�t stick with me. I�m in
physical shape.� Tonks held out her arms and with her sleeveless t-shirt which
hiked up over her pierced navel and the hip hugging denims which flared at the
legs and had what looked like bleach spots on them, Harry could see that she
was indeed fit. He nodded to her and she noticed that he had barely noticed.
�What do you think of my breasts, Harry? Are they too small?� Harry�s eyes went
wide and he looked away.

�I�I have nea,�ea,� Harry said. �You�re fine, I guess.�

�Well, look then,� Tonks said. Harry shook his head and
wouldn�t look. �Come on. I�m just asking you as a friend and as a guy. I was
thinking of modifying them.�

�That�s stupid,� Harry said looking to her eyes. �You�re
fine the way you are. Don�t be something you�re not.�

�Good advice,� Tonks said. Harry looked to her with just a
hint of suspicion which he quickly hid. �You don�t even notice me as a female,
do you?�

�Well, of course I know you�re female. What do you think I
am? Incoherent?� Harry asked. �I am aware of the genders, you know. I think
that was taught in fifth year.� Tonks laughed over Harry�s humor.

�What I meant was�you don�t notice females,� Tonks said.
�You never have, really. I remember when that Fleur DeLacouer girl who was part
Veela was at Hogwarts, every guy there was totally goofy over her except you.
Why is that?�

�I�m an oddball, Tonks. I�ve learned to live with it,� Harry
said dodging the bullet. �Are we staying in or are we seeing London a bit
today?�

�We�re going,� Tonks said. �But look at you. You�re dressed
like an old man.� Harry looked to himself.

�I�m fine. I have on slacks and a shirt and shoes. What
would you have me wear?� Harry asked.

�Come on. Let�s go shopping and find something totally
outrageous for you,� Tonks said.

�I�m not�I don�t dress like that,� Harry said. �This is more
me. Stylish, yet conservative. I�m not some party animal as much as you�d like
to make me to be. I�ll never be that, Tonks. That�s not who I am.�

�Come on anyway,� Tonks said sliding her wand into the thigh
pocket of her jeans made for that purpose. Harry kept the credit card type
plastic which acted as the key for their door in his wallet and they left the
room. They�d walked the sidewalk and shopped for nearly an hour and a half
before having burgers and fries at a small restaurant on the strip. They�d been
to seven stores so far and at the eighth, Tonks squealed in delight. Harry
winced. The place was almost wall to wall black leather, neon pinks, greens and
blues, chains and retro.

�Um�this looks like some biker shop to me,� Harry said.
Tonks grabbed Harry�s hand pulling him inside. She held up several things to
him to check the size and Harry was in dread. �I can�t wear this stuff. Albus
would have a fit if I came back with anything like leather pants. That�s
something that Draco Mal�� Harry stopped and reconsidered the outfit. He ran
his hands over the smooth, cool leather remembering Draco wearing his own
leather pants on weekends to Hogsmeade trips and how nice he�d looked in them.
Harry kept his gaze on the leather material and fingered it lightly. �This
might not be so bad.� Harry said quietly. �Just nothing too revealing or
tacky.�

Harry had found two pair of the leather pants. One in black
which clung to him in a sexy way which almost made him blush by looking at
himself in the mirror and one pair which was much more conservative and fit
like jeans. Tonks chose one shirt which was black mesh and a few well placed
rips including one over his nipple which he tried to hide with crossing his
arms as he came out of the dressing room.

�I�m not wearing this. It�s vulgar,� Harry said seriously.

�Move your hands. Let me see,� Tonks said. Harry sighed and
dropped his hands along with his head in embarrassment. �You have such a nice
body, Harry. You have a nice stomach. I like this.� Tonks motioned to the fine
line of dark hair that led like an arrow from his tiny flat navel down his taut
abdomen and tucked into his hip hugging leather pants. The fine joy line of
hair almost pointed to his crotch which Tonks could tell by experience was
better than average. She held her comment. �I like it. I think you should get
that shirt along with the other one we picked out.�

�What? This?� Harry motioned to what he had on. �I�d never
wear this. Never.�

�Wear it tonight,� Tonks said. Harry shook his head
adamantly. �Harry, do you ever feel like sometimes you just want to be someone
else for awhile? Just trade places with them for just one night?� Harry nodded
just a bit. �Then do it. Don�t be the shy and conservative Harry Potter for one
night. Wear this and be one seventeen year old having a wild and fun time.
These people in London at the club won�t have any idea of who you are. They�ll
never see you again. So what�s the hurt in a bit of play acting? Try it.�

�I don�t know,� Harry said. �Tonks, that�s just not me. I�ve
learned to be mature and approach things with forethought and planning. I know
you say I�m just a wet blanket, a bore and a prude. And yes, I guess I am that.
But I�m not comfortable in this.� Tonks relented.

�Fine. You choose something to go with the leather pants
then,� Tonks said. �Whatever you pick, I�ll live with it.� Harry squeezed her
hand.

�Thanks for understanding,� Harry said. �I do like tred
red
t-shirt with the band name on it, though.� Two pair of leather pants, a red
t-shirt with the Red Hot Chili Peppers oval name on it, and a loose fitting
deep burgundy purple shirt with matching leather collar, cuffs and black velvet
buttons were selected. One outfit was more dress, and the other more casual.
Harry also found a black leather jacket. His jacket he�d had for the last two
years was now a bit short in the arms, so after looking over all of the
jackets, he chose a very nice one which was a bit more expensive than he�d
liked, but the fit was perfect and he could wear it for several years. Tonks
had chosen an outrageous white and rainbow colored jumpsuit which had a cut out
in the fabric for her navel to show, bell sleeves and flared out bottoms. Harry
chose a nice pair of very short black boots and Tonks took what Harry called glass slippers which were actually
clear plastic and had small platforms for the bottoms. Harry paid for the hefty
sum of garments, and still had money from Albus to spare. Their bags were heavy
and in the next alleyway, Tonks walked into it and Harry followed. Harry shrank
the bags wandlessly and tucked them all into his front jeans pocket. Soon they
were window shopping again. There was an extremely large book department type
store on the next block and Harry insisted to go inside. Tonks complained but
they agreed to split up and let Harry look over the books for an hour while
Tonks wanted to go into a few more of the wilder shops on one adjoining street.
The plan was to meet on the corner in an hour. Tonks took off toward �Wild
Willies� and Harry entered �Madigan�s Bookery.�

Harry had looked over all the collegiate term books on his
favorite subjects, more classic literature selections, cookbooks, the
children�s section, and even the collector�s guides before he spotted an aisle
on self-help and sexuality. At looking in each direction to see that he wasn�t
being watched he entered the aisle and looked over the titles which were mostly
for heterosexual pairs and guides on lovemaking. Near the bottom shelf one title
caught his eye. �Am I Gay?� Harry looked around hoping that this was no very
cruel joke by some witch or wizard in the store. At sensing no magical
presences near, he picked up the book and turned his back to the aisle. He
looked over the cover and then inside to the first few pages which he skimmed
over quickly. Many questions he�d asked himself were listed and inneinned
slightly feeling a bit more normal. He flipped back through the pages and then
to the last section which was an explory ory guide to gay sex, positions, how
to give a partner a hand job, a blow job, and other things which made Harry�s
eyes go wide and him turn almost completely red cheeked. There were diagrams of
the human male anatomy and even a small chapter for first time gay sex. Harry
closed the book and slid it into the shelf quickly. He looked over the other
selections which were similar in text and diagrams. He�d looked at the section
of books for twenty minutes before a clerk came.

�Can I help you son?� the kind older lady asked. Harry slid
the book behind him and then onto the shelf without her seeing.

�Um�no, ma�am,� Harry smiled to her. �I�m finding everything
I need to know. Thank you.� The lady nodded and walked away, Harry closed his
eyes and blew out the breath he didn�t know he�d been holding. He turned back
and checked his watch. It was ten minutes until he had to meet Tonks. Harry
found the first book he�d selected and then another one which was a gay
relationship based type book and took them along with two compilations of
classic literature, and one book album of beautiful world photos. All his
purchases were put on the counter and Harry tried to ignore the look of the man
who rang up all the books. The man gave the total, Harry paid, took thangeange
and left the bookstore all within one minute swearing in his mind that he�d
never be able to enter that store again. When just outside, Harry turned toward
the wall near a newspaper stand and shrank the package in hiding and stuck it
into his pocket unnoticed. Harry sighed a thankful sigh that no one had seen or
would ever see what he�d bought. Harry stood on the street corner near the
change light and saw Tonks coming up the walkway with a small bag, chewing gum
and reading two CD covers closely.

�Hey. What did you get?� Tonks asked.

�Um�nothing,� Harry said. �I see you got CDs.�

�Yeah. This group is great. I like muggle rock music,� Tonks
said. Their walk back down the walkway on the other side of the street was fun
and they visited more shops. It was just after six when they got back to the
hotel room. Tonks flopped on her bed face first with a groan. �My feet are
killing me.�

�Then you need more comfortable shoes,� Harry teased. He
took their purchases out of his pocket and resized them. In horror the bag from
the bookstore was also resized with the others. Harry crumpled it up and shoved
it into his duffle bag quickly hoping she didn�t notice. He pushed the bag
under his bed with his foot as he looked over the other things. �What time are
we going to the movie?� Harry teased again. Tonks laughed.

�You�re not getting out of this,� Tonks said. �But I would
like to take a brief nap before getting ready to go. Just an hour or hour and a
half maybe?�

�Sure. Go ahead,� Harry said. �I have a few books. I think
I�ll read a bit.�

�Ugh!� Tonks said. �You and studying. Give it a rest. This
is summer and almost like a vacation in a hotel room.�

�Well, I could watch television,� Harry said disappointedly.
Tonks turned over and pulled up the light coverlet over her with a yawn.

�I�m asleep. Do whatever you want. Wake me in an hour and a
half,� Tonks said. Harry sat on the side of his bed and pulled out his bag
again. He moved the bag over to the far side of his bed away from her and pulled out the book. �Am I Gay?�

�Good question,� Harry whispered to himself. Checking over
to see her still, Harry lay on his stomach facing away from her and opened to
the first chapter. Harry was engrossed in the words and examples in the
writing. The more he read the more he identified with the examples and
situations of personal cases of individuals who�d written excerpts. One young
man had actually thought of committing suicide because he never felt like he
fitted in with his other heterosexual friends who kept ridiculing him for the
way he dressed, the way he was neat, tidy and a bit more effeminate. Harry
wondered if he was considered effeminate and he scowled in question of himself
but kept reading. Other young men admitted to an attraction to females before
discovering that their true attractions were to males. Harry thought of himself
and had briefly had a small attraction to Cho in fourth year, but it could have
been that she was an excellent seeker for the Ravenclaw team and more of
admiration of her playing skills on the pitch. There were questions in the book
and Harry tried to answer them in his head as honestly as he could and much to
his horror and relief his answers were similar to those given by the other gay
males.

After the first four chapters, Harry turned the page to see
a picture of two young men kissing in a loving way. It wasn�t meant to be an
erotic photo, but Harry couldn�t help what his mind thought. For a moment he
was dranto nto the photo of the two sharing the intimacy of a slow, passionate
kiss. The notable pleasure were on each of their faces. They were in love.
Harry touched the picture with his finger and thought of the only kiss he�d
ever shared with Cho. It was sloppy, wet and unfulfilling. Harry cringed at the
thought of it and knew that kissing could be more than that, but he�d yet to
share that intimacy with anyone else either female or male. Harry looked up and
thought of kissing another boy to test his own reaction which wasn�t disgust.
Maybe it was curiosity, but the thought wasn�t revulsion at all and to his
unsurprised the thought was almost�pleasant. But it could be that he desired to
share a kiss like the one in the photograph with anyone who loved him in an
intimate way. But that anyone, he secretly admitted to himself was one person.
What would it be like to kiss him? Harry had wondered before but as he looked
to the photograph again, he didn�t have the imagination to imagine his soft
lips, his sweet warm breath, and the flavor of his mouth. Harry realized his
eyes were closed and that he�d licked his lips unconsciously. When he opened
his eyes Harry sighed a long tired sigh.

�I�m gay,� Harry told himself and then shuddered. �Oh god. I
can�t be that. What will Ron think? Hermione?� Harry led himself down the
thought path of humiliation, torment and constant insults for the rest of his
life. But then he realized that he�d been on that path since birth. What were
more foolish words spoken by closed minded idiots going to hurt? Harry kept
reading. For the entire hour and a half he read. The chapter of the first time
sex he read very slowly and some parts twice before he realized his erection
pressing into the bed. �Well, I guess that proves that theory.� Harry said
speaking of his erection at reading what the couple were doing to each other.
�But then again, this is erotic material which would cause that reaction in any
teenage male.� Harry reasoned to himself and kept beating back that voice in
his head shouting �I know I am, I know I am, I know I am.� The chapter ended
with the human male anatomy diagramed showing every part of the male genitalia
labeled and even a small blurb on the prostate gland which Harry read three
times. It�s location and how to find it were included and Harry briefly did a
mental scan of his own body. He wondered if he could find his own and then
later the chapter told how to do just that. He was tempted to take the book to
the bathroom and try it. The more he read, the more tempted he became and
finally at looking to see Tonks sleeping and knowing he had twenty minutes,
Harry crept quietly into the bathroom and closed the door. With two locking
charms and two silencing spells, Harry put the book on the sink and unfastened
his belt.

�I don�t believe I�m doing this,� Harry whispered to himself
in anticipation and a bit of apprehension at touching himself in places he�d
never touched before. From what he�d
read, he knew that lubrication was necessary and he tried to relax. He put the
book on the toilet cover and knelt in the floor fully aware of his erection
already. Harry wandlessly conjured some slick gel onto his hand and after he�d
undressed, he gently touched and explored his body from the outside a bit to
learn it. With a bit of apprehension and trying to relax, he slid his finger
into himself and winced just a bit at the feeling at first. It was warm and
tight but as he became more relaxed it was even pleasurable. The diagram told
of the prostate and it�s location and Harry didn�t know how to bend and contort
in such a way as to find his own. With a position on his knees and his head
resting on his arm at the side of the tub, Harry let himself feel his body and
learn what felt good and what didn�t. His fingers mapped out the sensitive
spots he could reach and after he�d done so he let himself be pleasured by his own
finger for awhile as his cock begged for attention. At knowing there was no way
for him to leave the bathroom now without relieving his erection, Harry turned
on the shower and got inside the water. His hand slid back again inside himself
as his other hand stroked his cock slowly.

�Oh god this is good�.� The overpowering sensations were so
good in fact that Harry wanted more. He slid another finger past the tight ring
of flesh and when he did so he couldn�t contain his orgasm which was swelling
as a tightening in his groin. His hand worked his cock making it last as long
as he could while his other fingers pushed deeper and a bit quicker with the
lubrication and water into his body. Harry allowed himself to moan in pleasure
and hiss. His mind was foggy, but the one constant thought that kept popping
into his mind as he touched himself was of pale moonlight skin, tousled golden
locks of silky hair, sparkling silvery eyes which made him melt, and long
fingers of his perfect hands. With blinding force, his orgasm came and he
spilled his relief into the shower drain noting the contractions of his anal
muscles around his fingers as he did so. After long moments enjoying his self
sex, fingers were removed and he stood in the shower without moving.

�That doesn�t mean I�m gay. Anyone on the planet would have
enjoyed that,� Harry reasoned. He washed his hair andy tdy thoroughly and towel
dried. With a thump to his forehead with his palm, he realized he had no clean
clothing in the bathroom except what he�d worn that day. And then there was a
book that Tonks couldn�t see at all costs. Harry removed the silencing spells
listening for any movement from outside. The door was unlocked and he peeped
out to see her still sleeping. Harry shrank the book and put it into his pants
pocket. After wrapping a towel around himself, he took his clothes and hurried
silently to his side of the room and folded his clothing into the bag. At
feeling a bit sensual after the act, Harry took the tags off his new skin
fitting leather pants and in lightening speed had put them on without boxers or
underwear which he knew would show underneath. He had just had them zipped and
fastened when he turned around to see Tonks turn over to see him.

�Wow,� Tonks said of Harry in leather with no shirt. Harry
blushed and tugged on his red t-shirt.

�I�m sorry,� Harry said in embarrassment. �I thought you
were asleep.�

�That wasn�t a complaint,� Tonks said as she sat up with a
yawn. �I feel better. Ready to go dancing with me?�

�I�m ready to go and watch you dance,� Harry said. Tonks
took her new outfit and a few things to the bathroom.

�Nothing doing,� Tonks said. �You�re dancing and that�s
final.� She closed the door before Harry could comment. He put on his new short
boots and looked at himself in the mirror. He�d forgotten to put on deodorant
but Tonks was in the bathroom with his stuff. He knocked lightly.

�Could you please hand me my bag on the sink?� Harry asked.
There was a large mirror over the sink and Tonks opened the door a bit to hand
him the bag and Harry noted in the mirror that she was completely naked.
�Thanks.� The door was closed and he tested himself for a reaction to seeing a
naked female. Nothing. �Wellat cat could be due to the fact that I just got
finished�.doing�that thing I did. I can�t believe I did that.�

�What was that, Harry?� Tonks called from the other room.

�Oh. Um�nothing,� Harry yelled back to her and almost
slapped himself. He put on his deodorant and a touch of cologne as always. He
checked his reflection and there was no need to shave because nothing was
there. �Stupid. Ron has to shave everyday and I�m hardly once a week.� Harry
complained to his reflection and smiled when it didn�t respond. He shook his
head at how accustomed he now was to muggle mirrors which he had always thought
were odd. Tonks was dressed and ready as was Harry. He took his wallet and made
sure he had everything he needed.

�I have nowhere to put my wand,� Tonks said of her outfit.

�You don�t need it,� Harry said. �I�m wandless.�

�But you�re technically in my care,� Tonks said.

�And you are more technically in mine,� Harry said with a
raised eyebrow.

�Well, you do make a bit of a point,� Tonks said. �Come on.
I�ll live without it for a few hours.� A taxi was called and Tonks told the
driver where to take them. The scenic drive of the London strip at night was
exciting and Harry kept a small grin the whole way. The taxi was paid and they
found the club. They entered to a hopping place where everyone was dancing,
laughing, drinking and were in groups, pairs and singles. The music was modern
rock music and bodies were bumping, popping and swaying to the up tempo beat.
Tonks took Harry�s hand to keep them together as they wound through the club.
They sat in the middle of the bar and Tonks ordered them each a beer.

�I can�t drink beer,� Harry said. �I�m underage.�

�Lighten up,� Tonks said. �It won�t kill you.�

�Neither will ak lok lord, but I don�t want one,� Harry said.
Tonks laughed and slid over some bills to the bartender for their drinks. �I
can�t drink, Tonks. Not to offend you, but Albus wouldn�t approve.�

�Okay. Order a soda or something,� Tonks said as she slung
back the brew. Harry did order a soda which came in a small glass with ice and
a small stir stick. Harry held it and drank as they watched the dancers. Two
men on the end of the bar came to sit next to her. One was a bold blond and the
other was a more shy dark sandy blond young man about nineteen.

�Nice hair,� the blond said to Tonks with the nice smile
with a smirk which reminded Harry of one particular Slytherin.

�Thanks,� Tonks smiled at him. �But I don�t think purple is
really my color.�

�I think any color would look good on you,� the blond flirted.
Harry almost laughed at the corniness of that line.

�How sweet,� Tonks said.

�Would you like to dance?� the blond continued.

�Sure,� Tonks said putting down her brew. �Harry, I�ll be
back after a few songs.� Harry nodded and turned to the bar and his drink.

�She you�re date?� the other young man said. Harry turned to
him in surprise.

�Oh�um...no,� Harry said with a grin. �We�re just friends.�
Harry thought for a moment and decided to try this out. What could it hurt.
He�d never see this person again anyway. �I�m gay.�

�Really? So am I,� the young man smiled. Harry felt his
stomach hit the floor and rebound back. The young man held out his hand and
Harry looked at it and froze. �I�m Mark.� Harry felt like an idiot and then
shook his hand.

�I�m Harry,� Harry said.

�Can I sit next to you?� Mark asked. Harry motioned to the
chair and Mark slid his drink over to sit next to Harry who was immediately a
bundle of tensed nerves. �So? Are you seeing anyone?�

�No,� Harry said. �You?� Harry asked politely.

�No,� Mark said. �Not in several months.� Harry nodded and
they sat in silence for a few tensed moments noting the song change. �I�I don�t
want to like say anything too personal, but I�ve only had one boyfriend
before.� Harry felt himself relax.

�I�ve never had one,� Harry said. �I haven�t told anyone
that I�m gay, yet.�

�Even your friend there?� Mark motioned back to the dance
floor. Harry shook his head. �I remember what that was like. I was terrified to
say anything, too. Wow. It�s so cool that I met you like this. I mean, I�ve
only figured it out, too.�

�I�m still trying to figure out what I�m doing,� Harry said.

�Well, I was lucky,� Mark said. �I have a best friend Dan,
who is straight, but we�ve been close for years. He understood and supports me
in whatever I want.�

�I haven�t told my best friend yet,� Harry said. �I don�t
mean to be forward, but how did you tell your friend?�

�It was one afternoon after we�d played some basketball,�
Mark said. �We were playing the Playstation and I asked him what he would think
if I told him I were gay and he said it wouldn�t matter to him at all. So�it
was then that I told him that I was for real.�

�How did you know for sure that you�you know�?� Harry said.
�How did you come to the final conclusion that you were gay? I don�t mean to be
rude��

�No, it�s okay,� Mark said. �I feel sort of like the new guy
around most of the time, so I know what you�re saying. I just knew it. I had
dated a few girls and even kissed a few girls. I even had sex with a girl
before. But I was attracted to other guys. I just like being in the company of
another guy bec I u I understand guys. And�well, my now ex-boyfriend Frankie, I
had thought he was so cute forever and I knew he was gay. So one day, I asked
him to go out to the movies. We went and in the dark I sort of held his hand a
bit and he got the message that I was interested. But to answer your question
on how did I know? I had felt that I thought I might be, but I didn�t know for
sure. But when Frankie kissed me, I knew. I had never felt anything when
kissing a girl. Like�well, you know what I mean when you kiss someone that
feeling you get?� Harry nodded but had no clue what he was talking about. �I
never had that with a girl, but I did with Frankie and the few other guys I�ve
kissed. It�s about the feelings, really, not just the gender, I think.�

�Yeah. Feelings,� Harry said quietly.

�I get the feeling that you�re still not sure,� Mark said.
�Have you been with girls?�

�What?� Harry asked.

�Girls,� Mark said. �You�ve been with girls, right?� Harry
stilled and thought of the question. He didn�t know this person so why lie?

�No,� Harry said. �I�ve not been with either. I�m a prude
and a wet blanket Tonks says.�

�Tonks?� Mark laughed. �What a name. Is that her real name?�
Harry nodded. There was another few moments of silence. �Harry, would you like
to dance?� Harry froze and swallowed.

�I can�t dance,� Harry said. �I�ve never been to a club
either. I don�t know what on earth I�m doing here.� Harry put his head on his
arm and could almost cry. Mark put his hand on Harry�s arm.

�I suck at dancing,� Mark said. �But my brother is a great
dancer and he told me a few things. Maybe we could find a hidden corner of the dance
floor and try to dance together if you want to. If not, then I�ll understand.�
Harry raised his head.

�I don�t know how to dance, and I�ve never even�I mean I�,�
Harry stammered. �I�ve never danced with a partner like that and this is the
first time I�ve ever even thought about dancing with another guy. It sort of
freaks me out. I was testing myself by telling you I was gay. That�s the first
time I ever said it out loud. I�m a mess.� Harry laughed at himself and Mark
laughed with him.

�You have to start somewhere,� Mark said kindly. �Besides
maybe you�re not gay. Maybe it�s a phase or something.� The two looked to each
other for a few moments and then both shook their heads. �No? Well, okay you�re
gay then.� The pair laughed together.

�If you won�t laugh at me, I could try this dancing thing,�
Harry said looking to the dance floor. �But please don�t like�you know be�too
forward because I haven�t told Tonks and she�ll flip out.�

�Alright,� Mark said. �It will look just like I�m teaching
you to dance.� Harry nodded.

�Thanks for being so understanding. I appreciate that more
than you could possibly know,� Harry said honestly. �This is all so new to me.
I�ve never been on a date at all.�

�Where have you been, man? Locked in a closet somewhere?�
Mark laughed and Harry did also at the truth of the situation.

�Something like that,� Harry said. Mark slid off the
barstool and motioned with his head to the dance floor. Harry couldn�t help a
grin as he followed Mark to a dark corner of the dance floor where the two were
hidden by the dancers. �I don�t believe I�m actually dancing with another guy.
You can�t imagine how weird I feel.�

�No, actually I can imagine it,� Mark said. Harry covered
his face with his hands briefly.

�Of course. I�m stupid, just ignore me,� Harry said. Mark
was a good dance teacher and very patient and kind. Harry liked him
immediately. Within three songs they were dancing together perfectly.

�You�re good,� Mark smiled at Harry. �You dance great.�
Harry smiled back as they danced. It was a wonderful feeling and seemed so
natural. They talked about the other couples dancing and laughed at some of
their dancing moves. They�d danced through almost nine songs when the next song
came on and was a slower couples song. The two looked at each other and Harry
swallowed. �If you want to dance to this, we can or�if you�re not comfortable
with it, then�we can sit.� Harry looked around for a moment at the other
couples dancing closely. Some were in the midst of kissing and some were just
holding hands swaying.

�I�I don�t know,� Harry said and then shrugged. Mark took a
step closer and lightly put his hands on Harry�s hips and they began to sway
lightly. Harry was a bundle of nervous energy.

�You can put your hands like this on me if you want to. I don�t
mind it,� Mark said. Harry nodded and then timidly put his hands on Mark�s hips
They swayed slowly and were still almost a foot apart. Harry relaxed a bit and
then grinned.

�This isn�t so bad,� Harry said. Mark smiled.

�It�s pretty good, I think,� Mark said as they looked at
each other. �You have the most unusual eyes. So bright green. I�ve never seen
eyes like yours before.� Harry had noticed that Mark�s eyes were blue like his
best friend�s.

�You have eyes the color of my best friend, Ron,� Harry
said. �Everyone says my eyes are weird colored.�

�No, it�s not weird, it�s�really beautiful,� Mark said.
Harry just knew he�d pass out. They continued to talk through the song as they
swayed and by the end of the third song they were much closer in distance as
well as in comfort with the other. If Harry but leaned in another few inches
they�d be chest to chest. This was good, Harry thought. This isn�t too
difficult. Not much different than being with a girl. Talking, laughing,
dancing�just with another guy instead of a girl. That�s it. Mark�s cheek came
to rest next to Harry�s and Harry closed his eyes to savor the touch but he
didn�t pull away. They were silent now and Harry could feel Mark�s warm breath
on his jaw as they swayed together. Just as the lightest touch of Mark�s lips
touched Harry�s cheek the song ended and another bout of hard dancing started.
They stepped back and looked to each other. �Would you like to go get another
drink?� Harry nodded. Mark held out his hand and Harry slipped his into it
slowly. Mark smiled and Harry returned it. They left the dance floor hand in
hand and Mark led the way back to their seats. Harry pulled his hand away
slowly when they were near the bar.

�There you are,� Tonks said. �Were you dancing?�

�Yeah,� Harry said. �This is Mark he was teaching me. He�s a
good teacher.� The two took seats and Harry had to order them both another
drink. �Mark this is my friend, Tonks.� They shook hands.

�That�s an unusual name,� Mark said.

�Tonks is my last name,� Tonks said. �With a first name like
Nymphadora, I�d take anything else. Harry, this is Kevin.� Tonks motioned to
the blonde and Harry shook his hand.

�It�s nice to meet you,� Harry said.

�Likewise,� Kevin said. �So are you gay, too?� Tonks looked
to Harry and Harry to Mark who shrugged.

�Yes,� Harry said. �Yes, I am.� Tonks went wide eyed.

�You are?� Tonks asked. �Harry, you�re gay?�

�Well, yeah,� Harry said. �I�m sort of new to the whole
thing, so I�m still sort of freaked out about it.�

�Whoa,� Tonks said. �Oh my god. No wonder you never dated
any girls. I�m so stupid.� Harry shrugged with a grin. �Does Albus know?�

�I think he does,� Harry said. �You know how he is.� Tonks
nodded in knowing the old man knew everything.

�What about Ron and Hermione? Do they know?� Tonks asked in
excitement.

�You are the only person who knows, Tonks. You, Mark and
Kevin,� Harry said. �So you�re the lucky first to know.� Tonks squealed in
delight.

�I can�t believe it. You told me first,� Tonks said. �I
might be famous for that or something.� Harry gave her the look.

�I don�t want the entire world as we know it to be informed
yet if you know what I mean,� Harry said. �So you can�t say anything, okay?�

�Oh. Sure,� Tonks said. �I�d never do that to you. You know
that.� Harry nodded that he trusted her with his secret. �I just never�.� Tonks
shrugged. �I never would have guessed it.�

�Me either,� Harry said and they all laughed. To his own
surprise at his boldness now that he felt comfortable a bit, Harry slid his
hand into Marks and they laced their fingers. Tonks smiled and Harry did the
same. The night was wonderful. The four got a table and shared more drinks.
Mark and Harry were speaking of school and Harry learned that Mark attended a local
community college. Harry told them that he�d been accepted to Oxford next term
and of his twin majors and that he was taking college classes while still
attending his last year of high school. Mark went wide eyed.

�You�re still in high school?� Mark asked. Harry was
immediately nervous but nodded. �I thought you were at least eighteen.�

�I�ll be eighteen in July,� Harry said.

�Harry has always been very mature for his age,� Tonks
interjected. �He�s practically an adult now. He�s more mature than I am any
day. He�s always on my ass about being messy and unorganized and crap like
that. He�s the top student in his high school, too.�

�You are?� Kevin asked. Harry nodded. �Wow. Looks like you
picked a winner, Mark. Good going.�

�I have good taste, so shut up,� Mark said. Harry liked the
compliment and Tonks ned ned to him. Mark joined Harry�s smile. After more
drinks and fine conversation, a great song started to play. �This is one of my
favorite songs. Would you like to dance again, Harry?�

�Yes, I�d love to,� Harry said as they stood. The pair, hand
in hand, went to the same spot on the dance floor. �This must be our spot.�

�Must be,� Mark laughed with him as they started to dance
again. Mark would sing the words lightly as they danced and talked about
others. After two songs, the slow music began again and Harry swallowed in
nervousness again. �We can sit if you want.�

�No, let�s�let�s stay if you don�t mind?� Harry asked.

�I�d like that,� Mark said as they took a step toward one another.
Hands slid effortlessly now to each other�s waist and their cheeks came
together almost automatically. Harry closed his eyes and had never felt so good
in his entire life. He couldn�t help but grin and Mark noticed. �What�s that
for?� Mark asked of the grin. Harry just shook his head in shyness. �You think
I�m funny?� Harry laughed softly.

�At being with me, you probably are,� Harry said. �I was
just thinking that this is�,� Harry sighed a bit an added softly. ��very nice.�
Mark took the initiative and slid his hands to Harry�s back and pulled him
gently just a bit closer. Harry reciprocated. Their chests were lightly
touching and Mark�s hands slid up Harry�s back lightly making him shiver a bit
but mostly on the inside. Harry tried the move and felt Mark�s muscular back.
Harry�s eyes closed and was lost in the moment, the song and of being held so
intimately for the first time. Mark�s warm breath was near Harry�s ear and
trickled down his neck slightly. They were still swaying lightly as they did for
two more songs. It was the most perfect thing ever to happen and Harry was
enjoying each second more than the last. Mark pulled up just a bit and they
were face to face.

�I�m thinking of kissing you,� Mark whispered. Harry
swallowed and bit his lip lightly.

�What if I�m bad at it?� Harry whispered and noticed his
breathing was quicker and his heart rate had tripled.

�There�s one way to find out,� Mark whispered back. Harry
felt close to collapsing and his knees were almost shaking. �Harry, can I kiss you?�
Harry didn�t trust his voice as he stared at Mark�s full and tempting lips so
he did the only thing he could do and that was nod so slightly he barely felt
it. Mark closed the distance between them very slowly and Harry felt his warm
breath on his lips before they touched lightly. Harry�s eyes slid closed and
everything in the world stopped in that moment except for those warm lips which
met his over and over gently, softly inching further in. When the tip of Mark�s
tongue brushed lightly over Harry�s bottom lip caught between Mark�s own, Harry
parted his own lips and the kiss slowly deepened. Harry felt Mark�s hand slide
up slowly to the nape of his neck to hold him within the kiss. A flood of
emotion like a tidal wave hit when their tongues touched for the first time and
then over and over again as they tried to sway, hold and kiss slowly. Harry
tried to do as Mark did within the kiss and he followed Mark�s lead. When the
need for air beckoned, each pulled away very slowly and then looked to each other.
�Wow. That was amazing. You�re a great kisser. I�ve never had a kiss like that
before. It was like�magic.� Harry grinned and couldn�t hold back a slight
silent laugh.

�I�ve never had a kiss like that either,� Harry said. �I was
following you. I tried to do what you did because I don�t have any experience
with kissing. I�m pathetic.�

�No, you�re not,� Mark said. �I really like you, Harry.
You�re honest and not pushy or anything like that.�

�Thank you,� Harry said. �I never thought I�d be actually
kissing someone when we came to London.� Mark looked panicked.

�You�re not from London?� Mark asked.

�No, I stay at the boarding school I attend,� Harry said.
�I�m here for some�well, some training classes. I�ll be here tonight and
tomorrow night. We�ll be leaving on Tuesday afternoon.� The mood was suddenly
solemn and Mark looked down and then surprisingly gave a sad laugh.

�I should have known,� Mark said. Harry felt terribly.

�I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to mislead you,� Harry said. �I
don�t come to London that often. But Tonks lives here.�

�She does?� Mark asked. Harry nodded. �What do you do on
weekends then? Can you leave the school at all?�

�Well, my guardian is the headmaster of the school,� Harry
grinned. Mark rolled his eyes at his bad luck and they both laughed at the
situation.

�I was just hoping I could see you again,� Mark said. �I
rarely meet someone like you that�s so easy to get along with from the
beginning.� Harry was thinking and he checked his watch. It was almost midnight
and he knew he and Tonks would have to leave soon.

�Mark, I�m here tomorrow night,� Harry said. �Are you free?�

�I have nothing to do all day except wash my dad�s car,�
Mark said. �He let me drive it tonight to pick up Kevin and we came here and that
was the deal. I have to wash it tomorrow in exchange for getting to use it
tonight.� Harry nodded. �But if you�d like to get together tomorrow night, I�d
like that. Maybe we could grab a pizza and a movie or something.� Harry smiled.

�Yeah. That would be great,� Harry said. �We�ll have to
leave in a few minutes. I have to be up by five in the morning. Where could I
meet you?�

�There�s a multiplex theatre not far from here called The
Guardian,� Mark said. �It�s three blocks up and the pizza place is next door
and is called Paulie�s Pizza. I could meet you there if you�d like.�

�Perfect. How about at six?� Harry asked. �I�ll be done with
classes by four or five so that will give me time to get a shower and changed.�

�Wow. You�d take a shower just for me?� Mark asked and Harry
laughed.

�Well, I�m taking training on some�it�s like�sort of like
exercises,� Harry said. �Physical fighting type things. I�ll tell you about it
tomorrow.� Mark nodded with a smile.

�I can�t wait,� Mark said.

�Me, either,� Harry said in his joy at having something so
nice to happen in one night. �But I need to get to Tonks and we really need to
go. I�ll be dead tomorrow if I don�t sleep a few hours.� Mark nodded.

�Can I kiss you again before you go?� Mark asked. Harry
nodded and they each leaned into the kiss more expertly now at knowing what to
expect. It felt so good, Harry leaned in more pressing them together and they
held one another as they kissed flush mouthed for long moments savoring each
moment. The kiss had to end some time and it eventually did as they pulled
away. �I hate it that you have to go.�

�Me, too,� Harry said. �But I�ll see you tomorrow evening at
six at Paulie�s Pizza. Is that right?�

�Right,� Mark said. �I�m glad I met you, Harry Potter.�

�I�m glad I met you Mark Hoffman,� Harry said. Their hands
found one another�s and they walked from the dance floor to sit at the table.
Tonks and Kevin were coming from the floor a few minutes later. The four talked
for a few minutes and Harry told Tonks of his plans with Mark the next day
meeting at the pizza parlor at seven.

�Great. Let�s make it a double,� Kevin said. �Would you like
pizza and a movie, Tonks?�

�Love it,� Tonks said. �We�ll be there.� Kevin kissed Tonks
for a moment and Harry turned his head.

�I don�t know what�s playing at the movie theatre,� Mark
said. �Maybe it will be something we hate and we can sit in the dark together.�
Harry smiled.

�Maybe it�s something we�ll like,� Harry said. �Wouldn�t
that be awful?� The pair laughed together. Tonks stood and the other three
followed.

�We�ll see you both tomorrow evening,� Tonks said winking to
Kevin as their hands slipped apart. Mark leaned and Harry kissed him lightly.

�Till tomorrow,� Mark said. Harry nodded still looking to
his eyes.

�Tomorrow,� Harry said. Harry followed Tonks out of the club
and Harry smiled the whole way out as he bit his lip a bit. When they were
outside, Tonks slapped Harry�s arm hard.

�Why did you tell me you were gay?� Tonks asked. �I was
talking all that stuff about girls in your dorm room. Do you know how stupid I
feel?�

�Yeah. You feel that way all the time,� Harry said and then
laughed his bright excited laughter. �I have a date. I�ve never had a date
before, Tonks. That was the first real kiss I�ve ever had, too. Oh my god, Ifreafreaking out. I�m so excited I could die!�

�Please don�t die,� Tonks said. �Albus would kill me.� Harry
laughed and made fists with a bright beaming smile.

�You just don�t know how I feel,� Harry said quickly. �I�m
so happy. Oh my god that was so great. And Mark is good kisser. I�ve only had
one kiss and that was with a girl and it was awful. Three years ago. But
tonight? With him? Another guy? I have no idea what I�m doing. But�� Harry
breathed and then smiled again. �It was great. Really great.�

�I�m happy for you,� Tonks said. �See? I told you that you�d
have a good time. But you never believe anything I say. You think I�m stupid or
something.� Harry put his arm around her.

�I will never doubt you again,� Harry said all smiles. �I
swear it.� Tonks laughed with him as they hailed a taxi. They talked about the
two they�d met that night each in turn all the way back to the hotel room.
�They�d probably freak out if they knew we were in a hotel room together.�
Harry opened the door and they entered. Each brushed teeth and put on pajamas.
Soon each was in separate beds under covers and ng eng each other. There were a
few minutes of silence and Harry had to ask. �Tonks, what about David? You�re
meeting Kevin tomorrow night. I thought you and David were serious.�

�We were,� Tonks said a bit sadly. �But David isn�t the one,
Harry.�

�What do you mean?� Harry asked. She sighed and picked at
the blanket a bit.

�I like David a lot, but I�m just not in love with him,
Harry,� Tonks said. �I tried to convince myself that I was, but I�m just not.
He�s a great guy and everything, but I�m not in love with him.� Harry heard and
listened to her words.

�How do you know that?� Harry asked. �I�ve never been in love
with another person. I do love Albus like a father and Ron and Hermione like a
brother and sister. But I�ve never had even had a date much less a
relationship. So how do you if you�re in love?�

�You just know it,� Tonks said. �Sorry I can�t give that
great wisdom like Albus does, but that�s the way it is. You just know. It takes
a while to know if you�re actually in love with someone, but it will hit you
one day and then you just know.� Harry nodded but he had so little experience,
he knew he was inept to have any knowledge of such things.

�Well, you seem to like Kevin,� Harry suggested.

�He�s alright,� Tonks said. �He�s good date material, but I
can�t see me with a muggle for very long.� Harry had never considered it.

�Why not?� Harry asked.

�I�m a wizard like you are,� Tonks said. �It�s difficult to
be with a muggle even if the muggle knows of our kind. And dating is the worst
because you have to be careful of what you say or do not to make them think
you�re a nut case.� Harry grinned.

�I never even gave one thought to being a wizard tonight,�
Harry said. �It never crossed my mind at all. But I was raised by muggles, so
I�m practically a muggle myself.�

�Yes, I can see where Harry Potter would be a muggle,� Tonks
laughed hard but Harry only rolled his eyes. �Oh god you�re funny.� Tonks
yawned and rolled over on her back. �I�m exhausted. I�ll see you in the
morning. Goodnight.�

�Goodnight,� Harry said. Instead of waving a hand to turn
off the light, he reached up and switched it off as he settled underneath the
covers with a large smile at the most wonderful night he�d had in years. Sleep
eventually came, but much later.
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SMOLDERING WITHIN