La Maison du Chocolat | By : SESpotwood Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 6474 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Harry entered the sitting room at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, his home for five years now. He lived there with Sirius, Remus and Draco. Yes, Draco Malfoy had moved into Grimmauld Place just after graduation. At the time, Harry was not happy about this, to say the least. But Sirius couldn't, wouldn't turn his back on a family member, especially one who had seen the light and helped take down the rest of the Blacks and his own father as well.
It wasn't that Harry loathed Draco anymore, he had to respect him for his bravery and now that he wasn't under his father's reign, he was far less obnoxious. But that didn't mean that Harry liked him either.
Until...he accidentally or, subconsciously on purpose, as Sirius and Remus suggested, walked into the loo just as Draco was stepping out of the shower.
The sight of Draco's pure, pale, skin and toned body sent a bolt of shocking pleasure straight to Harry's prick.
Draco was completely unabashed at being spotted in the buff by Harry. On the contrary, he seemed to enjoy it immensely.
Before Harry knew what was happening, Draco had him pinned up against the wall and had shoved his tongue down his throat.
They became an item from that moment on. Surprisingly, to Harry anyway, all of his friends said they had seen this coming for years. Harry hadn't even known he was gay. Well…he’d had a feeling. There was that one time when he saw Ron wanking and practically came just from the sight of it. And more than once he had caught Blaise Zabini ogling him across the classroom or Great Hall and he had to admit that the idea of kissing the dark haired Slytherin crossed his mind, but there was nothing more than that...until naked Draco in the loo.
It was amazing how perfect they were together. They got on quite well and the sex...Gods, it was bloody brilliant! It didn't hurt that they lived with Sirius, an extremely experienced sex God to both sexes and his long-time lover, Remus, a wild, passionate beast extraordinaire. Their sex life was something most blokes only read about or saw in films. They were bloody brilliant on a bad day and to the great fortune of the young voyeurs, Sirius and Remus were both exhibitionists, so the whole living arrangement worked out extremely well. Harry and Draco joked that they learned more since moving into Grimmauld Place than in seven years at Hogwarts.
Five years later, the four of them lived together, quite happily. Draco played professional Quidditch for the Montrose Magpies and Harry was, naturally, an Auror. Ron, an Auror as well, was Harry’s partner against crime.
Starting last term, Sirius had taken over for Professor McGonagall as Transfigurations Professor and Remus worked in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement in the Improper Use of Magic office. He preferred to be behind the scenes, rather than out in the field as Harry and Ron were. Office work allowed him a set schedule, so that he could be home in time to prepare dinner for them all.
Remus insisted on this. He often spoke of the family dinners of his childhood and how important they were to their strong family unity. Sirius constantly reminded Remus that they were all equal and he was not the wife nor was he Mum to Harry or Draco.
Remus silenced Sirius on this matter by serving them dinner wearing nothing but a frilly apron and high heeled shoes. Sirius told him he could be the wife anytime.
It was that night that Harry learned he was quite aroused by the sight of Remus dressed as a woman. He had been begging Draco ever since to wear women's lingerie for him, but he had refused. Luckily, Sirius was also extremely aroused by wifey Remus and Remus was more than willing to do whatever would please him. Harry's favorite piece of Remus' lingerie was a black lace corset with accompanying fishnet stockings. He almost pounced on Remus himself the night he wore that get-up.
Neither he nor Draco had actually joined Sirius and Remus, although they had been invited many times. The furthest they had gone was to all have sex in the same room. That had actually become a Sunday night ritual, since Sirius spent Monday through Thursday nights in his quarters at Hogwarts; they liked to end the weekend with a bang – so to speak. Remus and Sirius had a pool going on how long it would take them to get the lads to join in a foursome. Harry only needed to convince Draco, for if it were up to him....
But, on this particular Sunday, things were as far from erotic as they had ever been.
On Friday, Harry had received an urgent owl from Severus Snape. He knew before opening it that it couldn't be good news. Severus never delivered good news.
As Harry feared, Remus had not taken well to the 'improved' Wolfsbane Potion. They had been anticipating trouble since there was to be an eclipse of the full moon this month. This was a rare occasion and Remus had only experienced it once as a full-blown werewolf, many years ago.
Severus had advanced the Wolfsbane Potion to the point where Remus no longer transformed into a wolf at all. However, with the current potion he became very wild and erratic and was not quite aware of himself on Full Moon Night.
Severus had yet to find the happy medium between the potion varieties. Remus, however, preferred savage, primitive man to calm, docile wolf.
Sirius was the only person who could be near Remus on FMN. Severus surprised Harry a few months ago, revealing that he actually had a heart after all, by saying 'True love conquers all sorts of beasts, outer as well as inner.’ He glanced at Harry's scar after that statement.
But, according to Severus' note, the latest version of the Wolfsbane, modified for the increased effects of the lunar eclipse, had caused an adverse effect on Remus' mind.
He had been virtually uncontrollable and nearly attacked Sirius. Luckily, Severus was prepared for such an occurrence and had asked Albus to accompany him. It took the three powerful Wizards together to restrain Remus so that Severus could inject him with a potion to sedate him completely.
When Harry arrived home, Sirius was a wreck. He was clinging to Albus and sobbing. Harry feared the worst and his stomach dropped.
The moment Sirius saw Harry, he threw himself on him. "I can't lose him, Harry. I will die without that man," Sirius cried.
Harry was surprised to see a small flicker of compassion in Snape’s gaze. "In the future, I will test Remus on smaller dosages. I admit it was careless of me not to do that initially, but he will be back to his normal state in a day or two,” Severus reassured them. “In the meantime, he will need to remain sedated for everyone’s safety as well as his own."
Sirius refused to leave Remus' bedside, even though Madam Pomfrey had set up a magical monitor to alert them if he awoke. He hadn't even eaten and Harry doubted that he had slept a wink. Harry found it quite sad yet heartwarming at the same time.
Finally, on Sunday morning, Sirius emerged. He simply waltzed into Harry and Draco's bedroom and sat in the armchair in the corner of the room. Draco nearly fell out of the bed when he awoke to see Sirius staring at him and Harry.
"I'm sorry, I just needed to be around...life," Sirius whispered.
Harry loved Sirius dearly and he was also worried for Remus, but Sirius had a tendency to be quite over-dramatic. He and Draco got dressed and walked with Sirius down to the kitchen.
While Harry prepared breakfast, he eyed Draco and nodded toward Sirius. Draco wasn't good with cheering people up. He never knew what to say. He was always afraid that he would blurt something out that would trigger a breakdown.
He took a chance this time. "Sirius, you and Remus have shared so many stories with Harry and I, but I don't recall ever hearing how you two first got together.”
Harry beamed at Draco. He knew that Sirius loved to tell this tale and was actually quite certain that Draco had heard it more than once.
Sirius smiled brightly and sighed, then went straight into his story-telling mode.
"Well, I was fascinated by girls as far back as I can remember. I just loved everything about them, the way they smelled, the softness of their skin and how they giggled a lot when they were nervous. I didn't know that I also liked boys the same way until I was fourteen."
Draco and Harry exchanged smiles. Harry placed a plate of food in front of each of them, then returned to the cooker to dish up his own meal.
"As you know, we were dorm mates from day one - Remus, James, Peter and I. I bonded with James and Remus immediately, on the Hogwarts express actually. We let Peter hang with us mostly because we felt bad for him, and he idolized us, which naturally James and I loved.
I always felt close to Remus and James, but I wasn't physically attracted to them. I mean, I realized that they were both very good looking and even mentioned it on a few occasions. Hmm, I guess should have clued me in. You know most straight boys will never admit that they think another guy is nice looking."
Harry smirked, nodded and joined them at the table.
"Well, anyway, in fourth year, Remus' FMS…Full Moon Syndrome," Sirius explained to Draco.
Harry turned and smiled, "He knows, Sirius," Harry said, then nodded for Sirius to continue.
"Of course, right, well, Remus' FMS started to take a change of course. As if everything he already had to go through wasn't enough, puberty was setting in now. His sexual appetite was developing and during the week before the full moon it was quite strong. It was the beginning of fourth year when Remus told James and I that he was going to go insane if he didn't get a shag soon. So, I, being as smooth then as I am now, hooked us up with three Slytherin girls."
Harry chuckled.
"I know what you're thinking - Slytherins…. No offense, mate," he said to Draco.
"None taken, Sirius. I've never fancied Slytherin girls either." Draco chuckled and brushed his fingertips over Harry's hand.
"Neither did I, usually, but, I happened to know first hand that these three girls were up for anything, and hey, beggars can't be choosers; we were only fourth years after all. I told them that it was Remus' birthday, which really it wasn't for another two weeks, and I wanted him to have a very special gift. They loved that and agreed to come with us."
"Did I mention that they were sixth years, mate?" Sirius gave a smug grin.
Harry smiled and Draco gasped, pretending he hadn't heard this before.
"Hey, I am Sirius Black after all, lads. And besides, not all of us shagged that night."
Harry tossed his head back with laughter.
"All right, go on then," Harry said to Sirius.
"So, once upon a time…" Sirius smiled and Harry and Draco chuckled again. “The six of us went to that mirrored room on the second floor."
Harry snorted. "Of course you did! You can't resist one mirror, let alone an entire room filled with them.”
Sirius grinned. "James and his girl dashed into the corner and he slipped the invisibility cloak over them so we couldn’t see what they were up to." Sirius rolled his eyes. "My girl knelt in front of me and started to undo my trousers. Meanwhile, I'm keeping my eye on Remus, because after all, this was about him in the first place. I wanted to make sure that he was going to get his needs taken care of."
Harry smiled; he loved that even in the middle of this racy, although somewhat bizarre situation, Sirius' loyalty to Remus was apparent.
"Well, Moony was kissing his girl like mad, you know. I was watching him in the mirror and it was like I was under a spell, I couldn't stop watching the two of them. I barely even realized that the girl I was with was giving me head."
Draco laughed. "Doesn't say much for her."
"No, it doesn't." Sirius nodded. "The hotter Remus' kissing got, the more turned on I was getting. Apparently, it was working for his girl too; I saw her slip off her panties from under her skirt and when she pulled Remus' pants and shorts down and I saw his reflection in the mirror…I came. Obviously, the girl I was with thought that it was because of her, but I knew better and it freaked me out. So I said I didn't feel good and I ran out of the room. Remus quickly hitched up his trousers and he and James both ran out after me.
I made something up about the girl having sharp teeth and said I was going to find Jade instead, who was a fourth year Ravenclaw girl that I sort of dated for a while. She was real good friends with Lily, so James said he would come along too. He had a mad crush on Lily, but hadn't admitted it yet. Remus said he would come too, but I didn’t want to be around him just then, so I told him to go back inside and he could have all three girls to himself."
"You all had much more experience in school than I ever did." Draco rolled his eyes.
"Well, I did." Sirius smirked. "Remus never did anything like that again and he was only with two of the girls; for some strange reason, my girl was put off and stormed out." Sirius chuckled. “The morning after this, Albus called Remus into his office; we thought we were busted for sure. When he got there, Albus didn't say anything about the previous night’s activities, he just handed Remus a bottle of potion and told him that it would help to control the increase in his appetite during his FMS. I swear that man knows everything."
Harry snickered at this thought. "He is unbelievable!" he agreed.
"So, Sirius, keep going," Draco urged, happy to see his normal self returning.
"Yes, ok, well, after that night, I found myself thinking about Remus all the time. I kept picturing him naked." Harry bit his lip. "I tried not to and tried to convince myself that it was the blow job from the girl that made me come and not the sight of a penis, let alone my best friend's penis. I was really confused, you know.
I started to avoid him as much as possible. I would talk James into running off with me while Remus was still in the shower, joking that Remus would get stuck walking to breakfast with Peter; James thought that was funny, he loved a good practical joke. He was the funny one in our group, I was the sexy one, Remus was the nice one and Peter was the tag-along." He rolled his eyes.
"In the beginning, Remus was closer with Peter than James and I were, so having to walk to breakfast with him was not really a bad thing for Remus, but it was a good excuse to use with James.
Remus' birthday was really hard for me, no pun intended." Harry and Draco laughed. "When I gave him his gift, he hugged me to thank me. Before I knew what I was doing, I threw my arms around him and hugged him very tightly; I didn't want to let go of him. When I did, he just stared at me, like I had gone nuts; James and Peter did as well. Lily and her friend Isabella, who we had become friends with that year, were both gazing at me with dreamy looks.
Years later, Isabella told me that she and Lily both knew how I felt about Remus that night. Girls are a lot more perceptible about these things I guess.
"I know what you mean," said Harry, "Hermione and Ginny both said they knew I was gay before I even knew it."
Sirius nodded. "We all knew, mate."
"I knew it," Draco added.
"All right, go on, Sirius." Harry smirked.
"Yes, well, after that night, I thought about Remus constantly. I wasn't just thinking about what I had seen anymore, I missed him and I wanted to hang out with him again, but I was afraid. I started to imagine things like holding his hand on the way to class. I would see him reading in front of the fire in the common room and I would imagine brushing the hair out of his face and tucking it behind his ear. I even borrowed James' cloak one night, telling him that I was going to meet Jade, but instead, I sat silently in the corner of the common room and watched Remus, James, Peter, Lily and Isa doing their homework. I felt so bad because Remus kept asking James why I was never around anymore and if I was mad at him. James told him to stop being so sensitive, that I was just sowing my oats and things would be back to normal soon. Isa told him that no one could ever be mad at him, because he had an angel's heart."
"That's for sure," Draco interjected.
"Well, everyone went to bed and Remus said he was going to stay up to wait for me. James told him he was wasting his time, but he didn't listen. He fell asleep in the chair a few minutes later. I moved closer to him and just stared at him for hours. I missed him so much. Just being close to him always made me feel really good inside, you know… even before I discovered my other feelings for him."
Harry sighed and smiled at Draco.
Sirius gazed at the two young men for a moment. He took a deep breath and continued. "Ok, where was I? Oh, right, the day after I had watched him in the common room under the cloak, I fell asleep in History of Magic and I had a dream about that night when we were in the mirrored room; except, instead of watching Remus kiss that Slytherin girl, I was watching him kiss me."
"Wow, Sirius," Harry exclaimed softly. That part always gave him a thrill down his spine.
"No kidding." Sirius nodded. "That's how I felt too. This was the first time I imagined actually doing something like that with him. I woke up and had a hard on. I told Professor Binns that I didn't feel good, covered myself with my backpack and ran out of the class.
I ran off to this secret room on the sixth floor that we used to go to a lot and I wanked, seeing Remus' face in my mind the whole time. Things went on like this for the next couple of weeks; I avoided Remus by waking up extra early, I would nick food from the kitchen and go off and eat alone, then go straight to class. Walking from class to class was hard, I couldn't avoid that. So, I would get James riled up talking about Quidditch to keep the conversation going or I would talk him into picking on Severus, when we were with the Slyths."
Sirius smiled at Draco. "No offense, again, mate."
"None, taken...again."
"That was always a good way to get rid of Remus; he would get annoyed with us for being mean to Severus and he would storm off with Lily, who was also annoyed.
In late October, the night before the full moon, I took James' cloak without him knowing. Remus, James and Peter were hanging out in the dorm room as usual but Remus wasn’t feeling well. He was in his bed and James and Peter were trying to cheer him up. James was reading Remus' favorite book to him and Peter was wiping his brow with a cold cloth. We did this routine each month, ever since we had found out Remus' secret in the middle of first year. The night before the full moon and the day after we did this same thing for him in the infirmary. Well, then, James picks up a chocolate bar and feeds a piece to Remus. I felt like I had swallowed a brick. You see, the chocolate was my part."
Harry sighed and felt the knot building in his stomach again. He knew how painful that must have been for Sirius.
"I felt all twisted up inside. I was hurt, and angry with myself; it was all my doing after all. I wanted so badly to be with Remus then, to be there for him, but I was so afraid that if I got too close to him, he would realize how I felt about him and not ever want to talk to me again.
When James went to give Remus another piece of chocolate he said, 'No! If Sirius doesn't want to be here, I don't even want the chocolate.' Peter and James both tried to defend me, I don't know why; they should have been furious with me for not being there. I should have been there no matter what. Peter said that he had looked everywhere for me, he had asked all my regular girls and no one had seen me. He said that he was worried about me. James said that something really important must have come up, or I would have been there and I would probably come in the door any second, with some wild story. Remus wasn't buying it. He was hurt and it was all my fault. I moved to the end of his bed and stared at him. He had such a sad look in his eyes, I wanted to throw the cloak off and take him in my arms and hold him and make everything better.
The thing he said next, really hit me…he said that I had changed so much, so suddenly, as if I had transformed into a completely different being.
'People change, mate', James told him.
Remus then said he wished there was some way that we could stay together always, no matter how much we changed. He said he needed us so much and he could never get through this time of the month without us and said a lot of things about wanting us to be with him at the Shack. And he wished that I was there with him then. He said he needed me and was really down since I hadn't been around much anymore. James made a joke, trying to defend my absence, which made me feel like shit.
I ran out of the room then. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was disgusted with myself. I ran out of Gryffindor tower, still under the cloak. I didn't know where I was going, but I just had to get away from everyone; I was too ashamed to be around anyone. I wished that I had never discovered these feelings for Remus, that I hadn't changed and that everything was the way it used to be.
As I was running through the castle, the damn staircases kept changing and I ended up outside of the library, which was somewhere we hardly ever went. James and I were in the top of our class, but we didn't like to study in the library. It just wasn't cool, you know. Remus studied in the library with Peter a lot. I think that was…is, Remus' favorite place in the castle. He would drag James and I there on occasion, but we would just sneak off into the restricted section. We preferred to study in our dorm or in the common room or in a secret new place that we had just discovered… that was cool."
Draco grinned and nodded in agreement.
"Well, I figured, what better place to hide out, you know. The library was the last place anyone would look for me. So I snuck inside and, naturally went straight to the restricted section. I thought maybe I could find a book with a spell to change how I felt about Remus; you know straighten me out or something. I wasn't even sure if I was really bi-sexual at all. I mean Remus was the only boy that I had sexual ideas about. I thought that maybe it was just a phase. I took down a book entitled Spells for the Desperate Witch or Wizardand one called Making the Change. I didn't know what that one was about, but the word change struck me. As it turned out, Making the Change was about the Animagus Transfiguration."
Draco gasped. "That's when you decided to become an animagus!" he said excitedly.
"Well, I read through the entire book that night in the library. I thought if it was possible for me to change into an animal, I could be with Remus all the time and not ever have to worry about making a spontaneous move on him or him realizing my feelings. I thought I could permanently become an animal and be his pet. Ironic huh, when you think of what Peter ended up doing."
Sirius paused for a moment to eat some of his eggs and sip his coffee. He took a deep breath, drained his juice glass and continued.
"I was tired and ashamed and not thinking rationally at all. It was a ridiculous idea, of course, but I was young and desperate. The next morning, when I woke up, still in the library, I saw things much clearer. I heard Remus' voice echo in my mind. I heard what he said the previous night, just before I had run out of the dorm. I still remember it exactly. He said, 'I wish we could all stay together no matter how much we change. I need you all so much and I would never survive my transformations if it wasn't for the three of you. I just wish you could all be with me tomorrow night in the Shack. It's really scary and if you all were there, it would be so much better. It could even be fun, if only there was a way for you guys to be there without risking your lives. Too bad Sirius isn't here tonight, I bet he'd come up with some brilliant, mischievous plan. I feel really down since he hasn't been around; like a dog without a bone.
Then I heard James trying to make an excuse for me, "Sorry, mate, he's probably out shagging some bird right now,' he said. I recall hearing their laughter fade away as I ran from the room.
I heard Remus' voice over and over again…but each time it came in bits and pieces. Until finally all I heard was, change…transformations…be there without risking your lives… It finally hit me! James and I had read every book we could find about werewolves when we had found out about Remus and I knew that werewolves were only a danger to people, not animals. I looked down at the page that Making the Change was opened to and there was a picture of three Animagi…a bear, a horse and a lion. They were all running through a forest and it looked like they were having some kind of great adventure. I grabbed the book, put the cloak back on and ran all the way to Gryffindor tower.
Everyone was still asleep as it was quite early. I woke up James and dragged him into the bathroom. I didn't want to tell Remus my idea yet; I didn't want to get his hopes up. James thought it was brilliant and we agreed that we would spend as much of our free time as possible studying to become Animagi. I told him that I had fallen asleep in the library and that was why I missed our Full Moon Eve ritual—FME as we called it. He told me that Remus really needed me and that I better come up with a really good excuse for why I wasn't there. Then, out of nowhere, he punched me dead in the eye. I was floored, both figuratively and literally, but he explained that now I could say that I had had a fight with Severus and I was in the infirmary half the night and detention the other half. Although I was in pain, I knew it was a good plan.
I made the decision then to not only study to become an Animagus, but to learn how to control my feelings for Remus…to put them aside and be his friend first and foremost.
Things were basically back to normal after that…well normal as far as anyone else knew. I was still totally crazy about Remus and fantasized about him all the time, even when I was with girls. I would talk to him while he lay in bed at night. I would ramble on about anything at all, just so that he would fall asleep with his curtains open so that I could stare at him without anyone knowing.
Well, the Christmas holidays came and I went home with James. My house was the last place in the world I ever wanted to be, so James' folks were amazingly kind to me and they invited me to their house for the holidays that year. My parents were thrilled too; they didn't want me around any more than I wanted to be around.
James and I were getting ready for bed that night and he was looking for his pajamas in his trunk and pulled out a flannel shirt. 'Looks like I got one of Moony's shirts by accident,' he said and then threw the shirt at my face. It smelt so strongly of Remus, before I even realized it, I got hard. Given that all I was wearing was underwear, James noticed right away. He started to laugh, saying I got hard when the wind blew…it wasn't the first time one of my mates had seen me in this state. I laughed too.
Then, he went into the toilet and when he came back, he caught me with my hand down my shorts and my nose buried in Remus' shirt. He put two and two together really fast. He started to freak out, saying how all the pieces were coming together now. He said he had seen me staring at Remus in his bed all the time, but he couldn't believe that I was gay…how could I be gay, he'd seen me fooling around with so many girls. He accused me of using the girls as a cover.
I sat down and started to cry. I think this freaked him out even more. He stopped yelling and apologized to me and even sat next to me and put his arm around me, then he jumped back like I was going to attack him or something. I told him that I wasn't going to make a move on him, that I wasn't interested in him like that. I explained to him about how my crush on Remus started and told him about the times when I had watched Remus with the invisibility cloak. I told him that I had never thought of a boy like that before and that I was probably more freaked out about it than he was. I had just poured my heart out to him, confessing that I thought I was bi-sexual and that I had developed an almost obsessive desire for our best friend and do you know what James said to me?"
Draco shrugged and shook his head.
"He said, rather petulantly I might add, 'How can you not be interested in me?'"
"What?!" Draco gasped, with feigned drama. "Your father was bi? You've never mentioned this before, love."
"Very funny." Harry smirked at Draco.
"No, no," Sirius answered, quickly. "James was incredibly good looking and his body was brilliant from playing Quidditch and I loved him deeply, but I just was never sexually attracted to him. I don't know why, some things just are the way they are, I guess.
James swore to keep my secret and always stand by me and do whatever it took to make me happy…except shag me. He would tease me all the time when we were alone, saying that it was too bad that he wasn't bi-sexual too, because he could take my mind off of Remus in a minute. I swear he would purposely walk in front of me in just a towel in the morning like he was trying to get me to want him. He just couldn't understand that I didn't.
One morning, we were all alone in the dorm room, getting ready for the day and he comes over to me in just his briefs and says, 'Look at this gorgeous body, how can you not find me attractive?”
I was so fed up with him that I grabbed his balls and kissed him hard on the mouth and said, 'There, is that what you want me to do?'
He turned green and just stood there staring at me, his mouth wide open. He said, 'Hell no, mate, I was just messing with you. I only fancy girls.'
I explained to him that while I did agree that his body was gorgeous, I couldn't possibly ever be sexually attracted to him because I loved him like a brother. I told him that aside from me, I thought he was the best looking guy in the school, but that's as far as I thought about him. This satisfied him."
Harry and Draco both laughed loudly, imagining the scene.
"Ok, so that was your first kiss…get to Remus…come on," Harry urged.
"Maybe I should go check on him again." Sirius stood up and looked at the monitor.
"Sirius, he's fine, the monitor that Poppy set up will sound if anything changes," Harry tried to reassure his Godfather.
"You can't sit by his side 24/7, Sirius. You need a break," Draco pointed out.
Sirius just shrugged.
"Go on with the story, I'm very interested in hearing how you two got together." Draco stood and placed a comforting hand on his cousin's back. "Sit, Sirius, he's going to be all right."
"Yes, he is!" Sirius declared. He sat down, exchanged a smiled with Draco and Harry, finished his food then picked up right where he left off.
"James kept trying to get me to tell Remus how I felt. He suggested that I approach him during the week of the full moon, thinking that maybe he would be more favorable towards me then, as if turning into a werewolf also made him turn bi-sexual or something. It made no sense, but I figured it was worth a try. I couldn't go on like this forever, it was eating me up inside, even though I was putting on a brave face for everyone.
So, on FME in the end of January, the four of us hung out in the dorm room as usual. Remus kept saying how grateful he was to have us all with him. I had only missed that one time in October. I was there in November and in December; Remus was home during the full moon.
Remus kept telling me how happy he was that I was there. He ate so much chocolate that night." Sirius smiled lovingly as he thought of Remus. "I promised him then that someday I would buy him a house of chocolate."
Draco and Harry both smiled at that.
"He told us all how grateful he was to have us in his life and made us vow to be together always. James said…" Sirius paused, his eyes filled up with tears. “James said, 'Only death can take me from you, mate'. Then he held his hand out and we all put ours on top of one another's. 'One for all and all for one', James said then. That's pretty ironic too, since that saying comes from the Three Musketeers…little did we know then that only three of us really were true to each other."
He paused for a moment to reflect on the irony.
"Well, when the others moved their hands away, I took hold of Remus', sort of on the side of his body to keep Peter from seeing. Remus smiled at me and tightened his grip on my hand. I still remember distinctly how that made my heart pound."
"This is such a great story, Sirius," Draco said in a sincere voice.
Sirius nodded. "I knew that Remus was only doing that because he needed my strength to help get him through the night," Sirius continued. "Well, Peter fell asleep early that night and James stayed up talking with Remus and me for a while, but then said he was going to turn in too. He glanced at my hand, which was still entwined with Remus', patted me on the back and told us not to stay up too late. We stayed up talking almost all night, however. Remus fell asleep just before dawn and I climbed into his bed, pulled the curtains and cuddled in, spooning behind him. I was happier than I had been in so long. I was really hopeful that maybe there could be something more between us.
I woke up before him and when I got out of his bed, James was sitting in the chair by the window. I felt nervous, even though nothing had happened and James had been totally supportive so far. He still was…he smiled at me and told me that I had to tell Remus how I felt about him. He said that we were perfect for each other and that we would make each other truly happy and that was his biggest wish for us. I asked him if he knew for sure that Remus was interested in boys and he said, 'Mate, he held your hand for two hours last night and let you sleep in his bed, isn't that enough of a sign for you?'
I told him that Remus was asleep when I climbed into his bed and he didn't even know I was there. It turned out that he saw Remus coming back from the bathroom an hour earlier. He had gotten back into his bed, even though I was there. I told James I had to use the toilet and ran out of the room. I was afraid that I was going to cry."
The tears were forming in Harry's eyes now. He prayed that Remus would come around soon. He truly worried about Sirius' well-being if...no, he wouldn't think that way.
Sirius grinned and then continued. "So it was Full Moon Saturday, January, 1975, I showered and told James I was going for a walk to think about things. I stayed away from everyone all day, just roaming around the castle, trying to get my nerve up to talk to Remus. I finally sent him an owl and told him that it was very important that I speak with him and asked him to meet me in the trophy room at two o'clock. I knew that he would be taken to the Shack at four, and I didn't want to wait another day.
I went to the trophy room and paced back and forth like mad, I was so nervous. I didn't know what I was more afraid of; Remus rejecting me, or accepting me. I didn't know anything about doing things with a boy, you know, but I thought we could make it up as we went along.
Well, at ten after two, the door opened. I held my breath, but it wasn't Remus. It was this boy whose name I wasn't even sure of at the time. I had seen him around but I had never spoken to him. Well, he told me that Lily had sent him there to tell me that Remus wasn't coming because he was in detention with James. Apparently they had been messing with Severus after breakfast that morning."
"No, Sirius," Harry interjected, "as Remus tells it, my father had been messing with Severus, my mum and Remus were only trying to break up their fight, but got detention too."
"Right, well anyway." Sirius rolled his eyes. "I was disappointed and stayed in the trophy room after the boy left.
As fate would have it, Albus let Remus out of detention. Apparently Peter had gone to him to defend Remus and James. Albus, of course, would know that James deserved detention, but Remus did not. Anyway, as I opened the door to leave the room, Remus was there. He had his hand out, ready to reach for the doorknob, but when I swung it open, his hand hit my knob instead." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and Harry chuckled and bit his lip.
"He pretended like nothing had happened of course, and started rambling on about what a viper Professor Yilan was.
I shut the door and pushed him against it and said, 'Remus, I can't do this anymore. I love you, I want you, I need you and I must have you right now.'He started to laugh, thinking I was joking, but when I didn't laugh, his expression changed and he looked terrified. 'Ever since that night with the Slytherin girls in the mirrored room, I've wanted you so bad. I think about you constantly, I know you love me too,' I said to him.
His eyes widened and he said, 'Sirius, of course I love you, but not like that…is this a joke? Come on out Peter, take off the cloak,' he called, thinking it was a set up, and that Peter was there, hiding under the invisibility cloak.
'Remus, he's not here, there's no one here but us,' I said, so happy to finally have the nerve to say everything I had been holding in for months. 'That's why I was avoiding you; I was so confused and afraid of my feelings. I used the cloak a few times just to watch you. I watch you while you're sleeping, you're so beautiful,' I told him and then I put my hand on his cheek.
'Sirius, who put you up to this? James, or was this your brilliant idea?' Remus asked, still thinking that it was a joke.
'No one did, listen to me, Remus…look into my eyes,' I said. Remus looked deeply into my eyes and I got hard again. I took his hand and put it on my cock…on the front of my pants, and said, ‘This is what you do to me all the time.’ He didn't pull his hand away, so I took that as a sign to go on and I pressed against his hand. His mouth fell open, in shock, apparently…"
Draco jumped in, "Oh Merlin, that's when you kissed him!" he exclaimed.
Sirius grinned and nodded. "I kissed him all right."
"More like shoved your tongue as far into his mouth as humanly possible, according to Remus." Harry laughed.
"Like the way you first kissed me," Draco teased.
"Pardon me, it was you who attacked me, love."
Sirius smiled at the pair of them.
"All right, all right, go on with the story, mate," Draco said, rolling his eyes playfully at Harry.
"Yes, ok, I was kissing Remus, right… Well, he freaked out and threw me across the room. He claims that he just meant to push me off, but forgot his strength; it was only hours before moonrise, after all.
Then, he ran out and I got up to try to run after him, but I not only had a broken arm, but a broken leg as well. I was able to drag myself to the doorway and scream his name before the pain took over and I passed out."
"Oh, Sirius, that must have been awful," Draco sympathized, "having broken limbs and a broken heart, it's so sad."
"Yeah, I was in a pretty pathetic state, that's for sure," Sirius said quietly. "Some kids found me and got James, who rushed me to the infirmary. I had apparently been unconscious in the corridor for over an hour and it was time for Remus to be taken to the Shack. Albus stopped in to get Poppy as James was levitating me in. I was still out cold. Nobody knew what happened to me. All James could tell Albus was that I hadn't been around all day and that I had planned to meet with Remus in the trophy room earlier. He told him that he wasn't sure if Remus went there or not after he left detention."
Sirius paused to refill his cup of coffee. He drank some and cleared his throat.
"I finally woke up just before noon that day. I saw the curtains pulled around a bed in the corner of the room, Remus' usual bed. I figured that I must have been out for a while. Then I heard James' voice; 'Mate, he was lying in the corridor outside the trophy room. He had a broken leg, a broken arm and still has a concussion. Did you go there after you left detention?' he asked Remus. Remus didn't answer. James told Peter to go find Lily - just an excuse so he could talk to Remus alone. I closed my eyes until I knew that Peter had gone, then I listened again.
'Mate, you went there, didn't you?' James asked him. 'He told you, didn't he?'
Remus finally spoke. 'You knew? You knew and never told me? How long have you known? Are you two…you know?'
'No!' exclaimed James. Then his tone softened. 'Listen Remus, this has been really hard on him. I found out over the holidays at my house, sort of by accident, but then he told me everything. No one else knows. It's been eating him up inside and I told him that he had to tell you. I mean, you two were holding hands for so long on Saturday night and you even slept in the same bed. I thought that you were interested in him as well, otherwise I never would have encouraged him to tell you.'
Remus sighed loudly. 'He must have got into my bed when I was sleeping, James, I didn't know.'
'Maybe not at first, but you got back in bed with him after you went to the bathroom. Why would you do that if you didn't have feelings for him?' James asked.
There was a long silence; I was worried that they could hear my heart beating.
Remus avoided the question by saying, 'I just don't understand why he wants me of all people. I mean, why not you?'
James chuckled. 'Yeah, that's what I said to him at first. I mean, I'm not interested in guys at all, but I would think a guy that was, would be interested in me.' Remus laughed and then started to whimper from the pain of his bones. We always tried our best not to be funny the day after the full moon, it hurt him to laugh.
James then said, 'Remus, the thing is, Sirius said he loves me like a brother and could never be interested in me like that, which is cool. He's really got it bad for you, mate…I think he's actually in love with you.'
Remus started to cry. 'I didn't meant to hurt him, James, I would never hurt him. He just freaked me out. He told me he loved me and had to have me. He put my hand on his…you know…and then he kissed me, with tongue and all. I was shocked, I mean Holy Merlin, what would you have done?'
'What did you do, Remus?' James asked him.
'I just pushed him off of me.' Remus said a bit defensively.
James got a little upset. 'Mate, you know you have to be extra careful with your strength at this time of the month.'
'I didn't mean to do it! I was in shock! BLOODY HELL, JAMES! WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?' Remus shouted at him.
I heard James take a deep breath and calmly say, 'I don't know what I would have done and that's not the question…the question is what are you going to do now?'
Before he could answer, Poppy came running into the infirmary followed by Peter and Lily. I closed my eyes again, pretending to be out still. Poppy tried to make them all leave, but as they were arguing with her, Albus came in and told her they could stay, that Remus needed his friends with him. Then, while she was checking Remus' condition, Albus came over to me and whispered in my ear, 'He needs you too, Sirius, as much as you need him. A bond like yours doesn't come around often. Just give him some time.'
I kept my eyes closed, but the tears came anyway. 'Please don't tell them I'm awake,' I whispered.
Albus wiped the tears off my cheeks, kissed me on the forehead and said, 'I'll give you some time, but they are all very worried about you. I hope you come around soon.' Then he walked back over to Remus and the others.
When Poppy had finished checking Remus, she came to me. I opened my eyes. James, Peter and Lily came running to my bedside. Lily and Peter kept asking what happened. I told them I didn't remember anything, that I went into the trophy room to meet Remus and he never showed, so I left and the next thing I knew, I was in the infirmary. I glanced at Remus, but as soon as our eyes met, he looked away. I thought that he was so disgusted with me that he couldn't even look at me. I was heart-broken."
"What did you do then?" Harry asked, although he knew very well. He also knew that telling this tale was helping Sirius to snap back to himself.
"I told everyone that I just wanted to rest. Albus ushered them all out and pulled the curtain around my bed. About a half hour later, Poppy said she had to go down to the dungeons to get some potion supplies from Professor Yilan. I got dressed and pulled back the curtains; Remus had fallen asleep again, or he was pretending, I didn't really know. I found my wand on the bedside table, summoned my cloak and walked out of the castle. I was just so miserable and I knew that Remus was too. I didn't want to be around to make things worse for him so I starting running and I didn't stop until I reached Hogsmeade. I went to the Shack, thinking no one would look for me there. James, Peter and I had never been there yet. Remus made us promise never to go, he didn't want us to see what it looked like inside, what he had done to it. He thought it would scare us away from him or something.
Well, as I looked around that house, I could literally feel how much pain Remus had to go through during his transformations. It was horrifying, but my heart completely went out to him. I just wished that there was some way that I could relieve him of all this pain. Then, from a combination of all the running in my weakened condition, the concussion and the frazzled state of my nerves, I passed out again.
When I came around, it was the middle of the night. I was going to return to the castle, but then I saw a vision of Remus turning away from me in the infirmary. I knew that I was causing him so much pain because of the way I felt and what I had said and done to him and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. So, I decided that I could never go back to Hogwarts. If I wasn't around, Remus would soon forget about what had happened and would go on with his life and everything would be better for him.
I snuck into town and broke into The Three Broomsticks; I stole a few loaves of bread and as much butterbeer as I could carry and went back to the Shack. I didn't come out for four days.
I finally came out late on Thursday night, it was snowing heavily, but I had to steal some more food and drink, I was starving. Well, as soon as I walked through the gate of the Shack, I was suddenly pelted by owl after owl. You see, the Shack is charmed against owls, so that Remus or Albus would not receive one while they were there and draw unwanted attention.
I sat down in the snow and read each one; there were seventeen. Five from James, four each from Peter and Lily, two from Albus and even one from Isabella; all telling me how horribly worried they were about me and begging me to please come back or at least contact them. I shuffled through them all and finally found one, just one from Remus. It said…" Sirius paused and exhaled loudly.
"It said, I am so very sorry. Please come back, I need you. I feel empty without you." Sirius' eyes filled up with tears. He looked directly at Harry as he continued. "I don't know if I can be with you the way you want, but I know that I cannot be without you. And he signed it, 'Forever your best friend (no matter what), Remus J. Lupin.'"
"I should have just sent a flare into the sky with my wand or transfigured a stick into a pencil and wrote back, telling them where I was. Orion was sitting on the ground staring at me, after all."
"Remus told me that he ordered him not to leave if he found you," Harry added.
"I know, he followed me all the way back to the castle," laughed Sirius. "I left all the other letters on the ground and clutching Remus' short note to my heart, I walked all the way back to Hogwarts through the heavy snow storm. I just wanted to get back to Remus. I wasn't even thinking straight, or I would have used the tunnel from the shack. I only had a light cloak and since I only had shoes on, my feet were soaked to the bone and were frozen like two blocks of ice. I was so weak from hunger and the cold. The hope of Remus' words were the only thing that got me back to the castle grounds. I collapsed in the snow near Hagrid's hut.
Fang must have heard or sensed me, Hagrid said he was barking like mad to go out and as soon as he opened the door, he spotted me. Apparently, he found me very shortly after I had collapsed, and he rushed me to the infirmary.
I woke up two days later and felt someone holding my hand. I took a deep breath and I knew who it was before I opened my eyes …I could smell him. 'Remus', I whispered, still not opening my eyes. I was scared to. He told me to open my eyes, to look at him, but I just shook my head.
'No one else is here, Sirius. It's the middle of the night. Open your eyes and look at me,' he said again. I just couldn't. I was embarrassed and ashamed of causing him and everyone to worry about me so much." Sirius stopped, picked up his coffee and took a long drink.
"So what happened then?" Draco asked, sitting on the edge of his seat.
"He kissed me." Sirius sighed and then smiled the brightest, most beautiful smile.
"That was all it took. He told me afterwards that he had been struggling with his feelings for me since earlier that term and when I approached him, it just made it too real. But, during those days that I was gone, he realized that his feelings for me were stronger than his fears of admitting he was gay.
Remus was always the best friend any man could ask for and the day he agreed to be my boyfriend was the best day of my life."
"That's beautiful, Sirius, really." Harry beamed.
"It is. I felt the same way about Harry," Draco admitted, "well, except for the being best friends part." He chuckled. "But, as you know, I fancied Harry since I first met him, although I would have hexed anyone who suggested it. The day we got together really was the first day of the rest of my life, as they say."
Harry blushed and leaned across the table to kiss Draco quickly.
"So, Albus walked in then, right?" Harry asked Sirius to distract his mind from the thoughts of deepening his kiss with Draco.
"Yes, we had stopped just in time; Albus walked into the room seconds after we broke from the kiss. He said he had a feeling that I was awake. He didn't ask me where I had been or why I had run off. He just hugged me and told me how happy he was that I was back safe. I started to explain and all he said was, 'I had faith that your heart would point you in the right direction. I knew that you would return to Hogwarts, for you and Remus are destined to be together for many years to come'.
When I escaped from Azkaban…" He turned back to face Draco. "I'm not sure how much of that story you know, we've never really spoken about that."
Draco smiled. "Harry told me how he and Ron and Hermione came to know the truth about you and about Remus and Peter as well. He told me how he and Hermione set you free."
Sirius beamed at the memory. "Yes, indeed they did. However, before they freed me, I was first brought back to the castle and Albus came to question me. He ordered everyone out of the room. He looked deeply into my eyes and said, 'I've been expecting you.' I started to defend myself, telling him that I had not come there to kill Harry and how I had not killed anyone. He cut me off, telling me that he could see the truth in my eyes, that I needn't defend myself, but simply tell him what had happened—quickly. I told him all about James, Peter and I being Animagi and that Peter was actually James and Lily's secret keeper and that it was Peter who had killed all of those innocent people that night and then went into hiding as a pet rat. He accepted every word without question and then told me to stay put.
I told him that I had to leave, that I had to find Remus; that I feared for Remus' life. He smiled at me and said once again, 'You and Remus are destined to be together for many years to come, Sirius, do not fret'.
Of course, Fudge at that time believed me to be mad, and he was out to protect his job as well. He gave the order for me to be given the Dementor's kiss. Well, Albus came back in the room and told me that I would need to run and that help was on the way. I asked him where I should go and he said, 'I have faith that your heart will point you in the right direction.'
After Harry and Hermione set me free, I flew away on Buckbeak. As I flew I thought about what Albus had said. I knew that he had chosen those words to get a message through to me. Then I remembered the last time he had said those exact words to me. I took a chance and circled Buckbeak back toward the castle and into the Forbidden Forest. I had to find Remus…my heart was pointing me to him.
I transformed into Snuffles and sure enough, I found Remus in no time…well, Remus the werewolf. Even in his altered state of mind and even though it had been over twelve years since Remus the werewolf had seen Snuffles, he knew me right away and he didn't run. He stayed with me and Buckbeak in the forest until morning. When he was himself again, I changed back as well and we had a huge embrace. We held each other for what must have been close to an hour, then reality hit us both. I knew that I had to run and he felt that he had to leave Hogwarts. We planned on running together.
Buckbeak and I waited in the forest while Remus went to the castle and spoke with Albus. Trusting Albus completely, he told him of our plan to leave together. Albus pleaded with him to stay on as DADA Professor, but Remus couldn't. Albus did convince him, however, not to run, but to return to his flat in London. He promised that he would have Severus continue to make the Wolfsbane potion for him, and said that he, Albus, would personally deliver it to Remus each month.
I refused to stay in the area, even though it almost killed me to leave Remus. I insisted that he go and live at Grimmauld Place, we both needed to be safe and I would know exactly where he was at all times. Once he was settled into the house, I told him I had to leave. I felt strongly that as a hunted, believed to be criminal in the eyes of the wizarding world, I would endanger Remus, if I stayed and I couldn't put him in that position.
I skipped from place to place for a while, but, then after what happened at the Tri-wizard tournament, we all needed to come together. We needed to reform the Order, so I moved back into Grimmauld Place with him and we've been together ever since."
Suddenly, Severus cleared his throat from the doorway. Sirius waved him into the room. Severus entered, carrying a very large box in his arms.
Harry and Draco both jumped up to help Severus with the box.
"That was on your doorstep," Severus explained. "What ever did you order from France, through the Muggle delivery service, no less?" He cocked an eyebrow at Sirius.
Sirius grinned from ear to ear and pulled the box toward himself. "Well, last summer when Remus and I were on holiday in Paris, we found the most delightful Chocolatier. He simply fell in love with the stuff." Sirius opened the box with his butter knife.
"Remus certainly does love his chocolate." Draco laughed.
"I remember him going on about that shop," added Harry.
"Yes, it was the best he's ever tasted, so he claimed," Sirius said as he peered inside the box. His entire face lit up.
"What is it?" Harry asked curiously.
"Yesterday when Albus was here, I asked him to post an order for me through the Muggle postal service.
"Yes?" urged Draco.
Sirius reached in the box and lifted out what first appeared to be an enormous doll house.
Harry grabbed Draco's hand. "Is that..." Harry started to say.
"La maison du chocolat," Sirius replied with dramatic flare.
"The house of chocolate?" Severus asked, confused.
"Oh, Sirius. It's brilliant!" exclaimed Harry.
"Perfect," added Draco.
The four of them jumped suddenly as the monitor on Sirius' wrist beeped loudly.
"He's awake!" Sirius shouted.
Each man instantly disapparated from the room.
Remus was sitting up in his bed looking quite the worse for wear.
Sirius embraced him tightly. "You had me quite frightened you know, love." Sirius sighed with great relief.
"How are you feeling, Remus?" Severus asked with concern.
Remus cleared his throat and in a scratchy voice replied to Severus, "Almost myself."
Harry and Draco sat on the side of the bed and simply beamed at Remus; so happy to have him back with them again.
Remus ran a hand through his increasingly graying hair and turned to Sirius. "Love, do we have any chocolate?"
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