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An Evening with Ogden's Finest	By : Tigerrr Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 1532 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-An Evening with Ogden's Finest
- 1
****DISCLAIMER**** JK Rowling owns all characters

�A/N:� I am only writing this as a belated birthday
present for a good friend of mine since I missed her b-day�so if you don�t like
it, blame Norwegian Ridgeback.� She made me do it.� This is a companion piece to The Reluctant Highlander, and I have
placed several witches and wizards in the same year group (I believe JK wants
them to be together, no matter what the Lexicon says) for my own convenience.

************************************************************************

�Mister Snape!�

The words cut through the laughter of the Slytherin sixth
years and made Severus Snape swear under his breath as he valiantly tried to
stuff his wand back up the sleeve of his robes. Of course, it slid right back out
and fell to the flagstones, rolling slowly (the courtyard just had to be on a slant) over to rest
against the hem of Professor Minerva McGonagall�s black teaching robes.� Severus clenched his teeth to stop the moan
of dismay that was steadily rising from his chest from manifesting itself.� He glanced over frantically to Lucius, who
probably could have distracted her, but the young blond wizard was busily
running one hand over Narcissa Black�s buttocks, looking as if he�d had a
double dose of pomposity for breakfast.�
No, Lucius Malfoy was no help to anyone as long as there was a likely
witch to lure into a broom cupboard.

McGonagall bent to retrieve his wand and he stepped towards
her, hand outstretched.� �Oh, Professor �
you�ve found it! I�ve been looking everywhere��
He trailed off at the look she gave him that plainly said, �I wasn�t
born yesterday.�

Opening her mouth, she said �I wasn�t born yesterday, Mister
Snape.�

No, not yesterday or
even the lifetime before that, you stupid old� �You can�t prove I
did anything wrong,� he sneered out of reflex, and then felt like kicking
himself when she raised her wand to the tip of his.

�Priori Incantatem!�

His Housemates, who had grown quiet when the Transfiguration
Mistress had approached them, now screamed with laughter as a smoky image of
Sirius Black, James Potter, and Remus Lupin appeared, stuck together
front-to-back as if in a Muggle �Conga Line.��
McGonagall did a spectacular double take that had Lucius howling � the
lure of Narcissa�s bum had worn off, apparently � but she recovered with a
sentence that effectively ended their mirth.�
�Seventy-five points from Slytherin, and detention tomorrow after you
are finished with your N.E.W.T.s, Mister Snape.�

Even Elmindreda Nigellus took a break from looking in her
mirror to goggle at the professor as she slapped Severus� wand back into his
palm with a crack and turned to leave.� �Seventy-five points? Come on,
Snape,� she groused.

�Oh, shut it, Nigellus � go back to looking at your
mono-brow,� he snarled back.� She gave a
great start and began looking in the mirror anxiously while her boyrfiend,
Marchand Zabini, reassured her that she was just as beautiful as ever.� They moved out in a group to the Grounds
where Severus immediately scooted under the sheltering branches of a large
tree�the last time he had sat down in the grass to study and not been in the
shade, he had gotten the worst sunburn of his life and was still teased about
it by the Unholy Trinity of Potter, Black, and Lupin who always had some smart
remark about grease fires. Herbert Macnair lounged around looking for a
Gryffindor to torment, and Lucius was once again wrapped around Narcissa while
the rest looked on interestedly.�
Normally he would be watching as well since, at seventeen, he felt like
he was the Last Virgin of Hogwarts�and none of the witches here looked as if
they were planning on relieving him of the title any time soon.

He scowled across the lawn to where Lily Evans and her
friends were once again fouling the water of the fountain by sticking their
feet into it.� He remembered vividly what
had happened the previous year after his O.W.L.s for Defense Against the Dark
Arts, and it had started with those same witches at the fountain.� As if on cue, the Trio who lived to make his
life miserable appeared but he couldn�t keep from laughing � all three were
limping and rubbing their backsides.� The
spell he had hit them with had been ingenious, and the punishment had been
fitting; not only had they been stuck together on the outside, the spell had
been modified to �unite�them in another aspect.�
Now they stalked over to the group of Slytherins with furious
expressions on their faces and were met with laughter as Macnair sprang to his
feet and began pumping his hips in the air.�
�We�ll get you, Snivellus,� Black hissed threateningly, shaking his
fist.� �You can�t hide behind your
protectors forever.�� They left, and his
fellow Slytherins laughed and called after them with obscene suggestions while
lauding Severus on the success of the spell.

***********************************************************************

The following day, Minerva McGonagall sighed as she swept
along the path to Greenhouse Three to see Professor Sprout � she had just
broken up to Hufflepuffs intent upon christening the niche behind Boris the
Bewildered, stripped ten more points from Slytherin when she caught Lucius
Malfoy goosing a Ravenclaw with his cane, and been assaulted with mashed
potatoes courtesy of Peeves the poltergeist.�
When Pomona
had invited her to see her new acquisition, a baby Venemous Tentacula, she had
jumped at the chance to get out of the castle and away from the idiots
inhabiting it.

She was also hoping that her friend still had a stash of
liquor (used to revive students exposed to the cries of a baby Mandrake) when
she heard yells coming from the path ahead.�
Settling her hat on firmly, she marched around the corner to see Severus
Snape dangling upside down in mid-air and having quite the time deciding whether
he should concentrate on keeping his robes from falling to expose his
underpants or if he should try harder to reach his wand, which was laying on
the grass just beneath him.

�You can never have a go at me when it�s one-on-one, you
cowards!� he snarled.� Three wands were
trained on him, belonging to three of Minerva�s Gryffindors; Lupin was still
rubbing his backside with his other hand.�
Snape decided to go for his wand with both hands as the three other boys
glances at each other, and his robes promptly lost their battle with
gravity.� Minerva knew of the previous
year�s Levicorpus fiasco � she had,
after all, stepped in to put a stop to it just as the other boys were about to
take the Slytherin�s pants off.

�This time I�ll take them off, Snivelly � Old Mac isn�t here
to save you�maybe I�ll hang them in the Great Hall,� Black taunted.� �And here comes Peter now, with your
audience!�� Peter Pettigrew came into
sight, puffing with exertion as he led a large group of girls towards
them.� Minerva raised her wand and
prepared to put an end to this when Potter laughed and yelled,

�Ladies, I give you�.Snivellus Snape!� Divesto!�

The grey underpants flew up into the air and did a seemingly
resigned twirl before they fell to the grass.�
The girls gasped and shrieked, clapping their hands to their mouths and
Minerva felt like doing the same � Severus Snape was certainly mature for his age and she couldn�t
recall when she�d seen a larger and more impressive piece of equipment.� The Gryffindor boys seemed to realized that
their plan had backfired somewhat, and released the struggling boy so that he
fell to the grass, red-faced and furious as he hurriedly pulled his robes down
to cover himself.� He scrambled for his
wand as his tormentors mounted the broomsticks that had been propped up on the
side of Greenhouse Four and were gone before the humiliated young wizard could
fire a Curse after them.

The group of witches, comprised of every House but his own,
began to break up; whispering to each other and staring at him interestedly;
some walked by and contrived to brush against him, giggling as he kept his dark
eyes fixed on the ground and hurried away.�
Consequently almost crashing into Minerva as she began to move from
concealment.� �Mister Snape! I�d suggest
watching where you are going,� she chastised, looking up at him � at seventeen
he overtopped her by several inches.�
�Don�t forget, your detention is set for tonight after supper.�� He nodded quickly, fetching up a rather
weak-looking scowl, and stepped around her to hurry back to the castle and, she
supposed, the Slytherin Common Room where he could round up support and also
look up several punitive spells.� Her
mind turned to what she had just witnessed, and she began to plan the young
man�s detention accordingly.

************************************************************************

Severus endured the whistles and speculative stared of all
the witches all throughout supper.� He
had been tempted to confide in Lucius, but when he had reached the sixth year
boy�s dormitory he had seen the swaying curtains and heard the creaking bed
springs that signified that his handsome friend had once again lured Narcissa
into their room. So he sat on his own bed, silently fuming and running his
fingers through his greasy hair (it seemed as though no amount of shampoo or
hair-care spells would clean it properly) until it was time to go down to the
Great Hall.� All too soon, the meal was
over and he trudged unwillingly to the Transfiguration classroom.� The door opened to near-darkness; the only
light was coming from several candles arranged on McGonagall�s desk and he
hesitated before he heard her voice calling for him to enter.

He walked into the room, looking around for the Transfiguration
professor and had almost reached the desk when she materialized in front of
him, making him jump.� Then he stared;
Old Mac looked�different.� Her brown
hair, normally pulled back in a severe bun, tumbled in long waves around a face
that didn�t look half bad without spectacles.�
Good Lord, am I actually checking
out Old Mac? He thought to himself.�
Yet he couldn�t help but notice that instead of the bulky teaching robes
she always wore over her tartan dress, she had on a much flimsier gown, that
was � Sweet Merlin on a Motorbike, he could see through it!� Color flamed in his cheeks as he jerked his
wayward eyes back up to her face, where she wore a knowing smile.

�Take a seat, Mister Snape.��
The order was, blessedly, delivered in her normal clipped brogue, and he
took refuge in the familiar, sitting down.�
�You will write the sentence, �I will not force other students into an
orgy� fifty times.�� Despite himself, he
smiled, but was confused � he was getting lines
for making Lupin, Potter, and Black bugger each other?� What was the rest of his punishment? This
couldn�t be it�could it?� He was surprised further when her hand came
over his shoulder and placed a glass beside the parchment he was to write on,
filling it with an instantly recognizable bottle.� Ogden�s Finest Firewhisky,
read the label.� Severus� eyes almost
came out of his head when she filled the glass to the brim with the liquor, and
then told him to drink it.� �You will
have two mouthfuls after each line is completed,� she instructed him.�

This had to be the strangest detention he�d ever been
in.�

*******

Fifty lines and one hundred sips of whiskey later, he didn�t
think it at all out of the ordinary that she grasped his tie and began to reel him
in towards her with it.� Weren�t
detentions always supposed to feature half-naked professors who behaved in a
startlingly unprofessional manner?� His
hands were being guided to places they�d never been before as he felt momentary
panic at being smothered-what was�? Well, he supposed that was what a kiss was supposed to be like.� What was Old Mac doing there, though?� And why was she working at the fastenings of
his trous-oh, that was nice�.

Yes, that felt much better when someone else did it.�

His mind ranged drunkenly between startled disgust that his
Transfiguration professor was putting the moves on him (to be completely
honest, she had him flat on his back, on top of her desk, and was preparing to
climb up there with him) to utter exuberance that he was about to shake his Last
Virgin status (Old Mac, step right up!).�
Severus was sober enough to
insist that whatever happened on The Desk, stayed on The Desk, and ceased his
feeble struggles to be released when she agreed.� �But I don�t want word of this spreading to
the other students,� she instructed.� Who would bloody believe I got shagged by
Old Mac, anyhow?� The lesson
commenced�

*******

�.and detention ended two hours later when McGonagall threw
out her back and Severus had to stuff her through the Floo to the Hospital
Wing.� By now, his alcohol-induced
willingness had evaporated and he was considering the pros and cons of
Self-Obliviation. He took small comfort in the fact that he had extracted a
Wizard�s Oath from her on the subject of maintaining silence about
his�deflowering.� After much pacing and
wiping his hands on his school robes, he decided that he would just regulate
this memory to the furthest recesses of his mind and hoped to Merlin that it
wouldn�t rise to the surface the next time he had to approach her desk to drop
off his assignments.� Perhaps he could
persuade Lucius to drop them off when he handed his in.� Yes, that was the
way to go.� He gathered up the rest of
his clothes � for some reason his pants were hanging from the chandelier � and
dashed off to the dormitory where he evaded all questions and hurtled into bed
so he could start the process of forgetting all about it.� It sounded like an alley cat in heat had
taken up residence in Lucius� bunk�Narcissa as well as Bellatrix had most
likely been cajoled into making an appearance.�
For once, Severus felt no inclination to peer around the curtains � he
now knew exactly what was happening behind them.� To be sure, he hadn�t had the partner he
would select for himself, but really; who had
been in the ideal situation?�

�He expected he would
have a lifelong aversion to plaid.

Severus rolled over onto his back and stared at the canopy
of his bed, hands behind his head.� He
had seen the whispering epidemic spread to encompass the Slytherin girls that
very morning, and suspected that any one of them might be (finally!) willing to
help him overcome the troubling recollection of a nude Transfiguration teacher;
this cheered him up.� He rolled out of
his bed and made his way back into the common room in his nightshirt, where he
found a large group of witches who fell silent at his approach.� �Hi, Severus,� they giggled.� Yes, the Slytherin Common Room was rife with
possibility.� He was shortly escorted to
the girls dormitory to continue his sexual education (he had heard that, in
Gryffindor House, boys weren�t allowed in the girls dorm because the founders felt
they were �untrustworthy�.� Salazar
Slytherin had obviously been of the mind that if a male member of his house tried to enter the girls
residence, they were welcome to it and good luck to them.) and reflect upon the
irony that, if it hadn�t been for his enemies humiliating him, none of this
would have ever happened to him.�

**********************************************************************

Years later, Minerva McGonagall sighed as she looked out the
window of her office to see her colleague Severus Snape walking with his wife
Hermione while their four children trailed along behind them.� How things had changed since the wizard was a
young man under the influence of alcohol�for the better, she�d say, if what she
had read in that book had been true.� She
rather thought it was, from the gossip Filch had been spreading about hearing
them experiencing marital bliss � she wondered if the Squib had been really
dusting the statues like he had said
he had been doing or if (which was far more likely) he had his ear pressed to
the door of the Snapes dungeon-level accommodations.�

If she had ever entertained the smallest notion of luring
Severus back to her classroom for a repeat performance, it was out of the
question now; he was utterly devoted to his young wife and wouldn�t leave her
side for anything or anyone.� Least of
all an old witch several years his senior.�
But Albus had finally declared himself after years of waiting for the
old codger to make up his mind, and a quick trip into Rendezvous with Romance had seemed inevitable, if the dratted book
hadn�t gone missing directly after Irma Pince had returned from it hand-in-hand
with Argus Filch.� Her eyes returned to
the family walking out on the Grounds�it would have been nice to �try out� the Potions
Master just once more for old time�s
sake.

The fire in her office blazed green and she broke her
thoughts away from the younger wizard to turn and see Albus� head in the
flames, grinning at her.� �Will you be
long, my dear?� he asked with a gleam in his eyes.

She adjusted her spectacles coyly.� �It depends on whether or not I have a reason
for coming home sooner.�

�That could be easily arranged � you see, I have come to
possess the most spectacular green, black, and silver kilt and have been
positively perishing for a chance to
try it on.� I believe Severus may have
unintentionally mislaid it, but I�m sure he wouldn�t mind my appropriation of
it.�� The couple shared a smile, as
they knew that the Potions Master had deliberately rid himself of it after Hermione
had been heard loudly declaiming how fantastic his legs looked in it.� It was a well known fact that Hermione
attempted to make her husband wear a kilt every year, and every year Severus
would stuff it in the nearest Floo connection � wizards as far as Zanzibar had received one.� Minerva swung her cloak about her shoulders
and stepped through the Floo to her house, and a wizard of her very own.

�After all, the kilt
had waited long enough for someone to wear it.

************************************************************************

�.aaaand that�s all, folks! Please review but be advised
that I will ignore any complaints about non-appearing lemons.� I mean, get real.� I don�t think anyone is ready for that sort
of thing.
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An Evening with Ogden's Finest