Getting Help | By : lissagal99 Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1180 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Chapter 1.
Harry's hand was held by Draco, it felt good. "This is okay isn't it? he asked.
"Truth?" Draco asked.
Harry nodded.
"I don't care if it is." Draco was searching Harry's eyes.
Harry was surprised to say the least. They were here to get better. Had Draco lost hope. "It's okay, Draco. Have faith. We'll get each other through this. God still lives within us. I know it."
Draco smiled. "You're very special, you know that Harry." Harry was right, Draco was trying to get help. He knew he needed it. But so many times he wanted to just give up. To give up and spend the rest of his life holding Harry's hand.
Harry always felt strange with Draco around. He knew why, but he just couldn't stop. He knew from his lessons that abstinence against all temptations was necessary but Draco needed a friend and Harry enjoyed being that friend.
They had reached Draco's room. Harry's was just down the hall. They hugged each other goodbye and went their separate ways.
Harry really was trying to get help so he thought that rather than watch TV he should try and reflect. He knew why he was here, and he knew that Draco, from the group sessions, was here for different reasons. Draco was here for the usual reasons. He tried dating girls. He even liked girls, just not enough for him to want to be intimate with them. Not enough to ever be considered normal, but he had a lot of girl friends; that is to say girls who were his friend.
No Harry was here because he took it too far. He used to think it was okay being this way, as long as it didn't hurt anyone. He had even met someone. Someone who held his hand, and hugged him, and kissed him on the cheek. By the time they had gotten to touching Harry knew he was a little possessive, but he sort of liked that. He felt that if someone loved you so much that they wanted to posess you, to always know you were safe, surely that was love.
So when he started getting twenty or thirthy calls a day asking where he was and what he was doing he thought it was sweet. And when he friends started complaining that he was always on the phone, he told him that Mark was his best friend; never mind the people that had been his friends for years. Suddenly Mark was all that existed. Mark wanted more than touching. And though Harry loved him, he wasn't ready, he still felt too young.
Then Mark started hitting him, telling him that the only reason they were the way they were was so they could fuck. If Harry wasn't going to do it then he was nothing more than a tease. And Harry would cry his nights away because his parents didn't know, and his friends didn't talk to him anymore, and Mark was all he had and he would leave if Harry didn't do it.
The worst beating he ever had from Mark was when Harry had tried to comply, but it had hurt so much. And he cried and tried to throw him off. Mark was furious. Harry woke up in the hospital.
That is why Harry was here. Because he had been a fool. He had ignored God. And he had paid for it. This way of life was unnatural. It was a sin against nature. That's why Mark hit him, because it was destined not to work. Because Mark was right to an extent. There could be no love in this, Harry had been stupid to think what he had felt was love. This way of life did not create love, it created animals. Harry groaned.
That's what he kept telling himself. It was the truth he knew it and he had tried to live better. He was always trying. But Draco needed him, and even though they both knew better. Harry always had to be weary around Draco, because it was always so much harder when it came to Draco. Draco was sensitive, and he wanted love so badly and then to come to this place. This place where they told you that you could not be cured. That they would just have to find new meanings for life. Not love. They should devote time and energy to God, or to science, or to law or to anything that would fill that void. Because they would always be inflicted this way. They were damned in this existence, but they could still redeem themselves. Keep pure enough that when they reached heaven they would be forgiven, maybe even given a second chance at life anything because no one knew what truly was beyond death.
There was a knock at the door. Harry hurried to wipe of his face.
Draco opened the door to see Harry sitting up in bed with puffy eyes. He instinctively went to hug him. He hated that instinct but he knew he did it because he needed the hug as much as it needed to give it. Harry buried himself in Draco's embrace. It felt so good.
Draco knew he shouldnt have come, he knew Harry was bound to be cleansing himself, he did it every night. But he just wanted ... he didn't know what he was doing here. But as his arms found their way around Harry, he was starting to figure it out.
Harry was crying on Draco's shoulder, he was getting Draco's neck all wet and he couldn't help it. He never wanted to leave his arms again, but he knew he had to. He couldn't risk all of his progress, he knew it. "Draco?"
"Hmm..."
"Umm..." Harry had let go, he was pushing Draco away.
"Oh. Sorry." Sometimes Draco hated that Harry was so chaste. Everyone cheated, if only a little. But not Harry. Harry had to push people away, he had to tell them that they were sitting to close, that he had someplace else to be, something else to do. And Draco just knew with all of his heart that if ever two people belonged together it was him and Harry, and at the same time if ever two people were meant to stay away from each other it was him and Harry.
Draco laid back on Harry's bed and Harry went to lie on the other side. "Are you okay?" Draco asked.
"Yeah, just thinking."
"About?"
"Everything." Draco knew Harry wanted to say more, but always kept it inside. He never wanted to get that close to anyone again. And Draco wanted to kill Mark for the way he had treated Harry. Draco would've honored him, he was sure. Draco wished they had lived in the same town, and that Harry and him could've been secret boyfriends instead of Harry and Mark. Draco never would of come here if he had someone like Harry, and Harry never would've been hurt with Draco. Draco was sure, no matter what the counselors here told him. But Draco didn't want to hurt Harry. And he knew that if he told Harry that he still had those feelings, that Harry was the star of his dreams. Harry would be hurt and he would stay away from Draco, so Draco could get better. It was all too complicated.
So instead of all the things he wanted to do with Harry he just took his hand in the middle of the bed, and held it. He was sure that Harry was thinking this as a way to show camaraderie. He was sure until Harry turned towards him with a smile and stared at there hands while Draco rubbed his thumb over his skin.
"Draco?"
"I know. I'm sorry. I should stop." But he didn't.
"You should," was Harry's answer, but he didn't pull away. So they just laid there, on opposite sides of the bed, staring at their intertwined hands. And that's how they fell asleep.
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