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Hungry Like the Wolf	By : tripperfunster Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 3307 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own these Harry Potter characters, but not from lack of trying! I also do not make any money from them. BTW, there was no warning for Dub. Con, so I'm putting it here.

Chapter List
- 1-Hungry Like the Wolf
- 1
Author's notes:
This was written for the Sycophant Hex Deathday festival, although ended up waaay to long for it, plus it didn't get beta'd in time.

The challenges were:

-First person narrative from adult canon characterization from the books. (Okay, I just noticed it said adult. Let's hope a teenager is considered an adult.)

-Create a scene from a book from a living character's perspective. (I chose Snape's Worst Memory, plus the incident in the Shrieking Shack.) Also, how James changed Lily's mind, and caused her to fall in love with him.

And just for good measure, I added a bit of why Sirius Black and/or James Potter hated Severus Snape - how it all started.
Warnings and disclaimers:

R or NC17, for language, and adult sexual content.

All characters belong to JK Rowling. If they didn't, Snape would live with me and be my bitch, and my husband, open-minded as he is, would be right pissed.
Now, on to the story;

5th June
Dear diary,
Now see, I already sound like a ponce. I apologize if I'm rambling, but writing is really not my thing. I'd rather be practicing Quidditch or just sitting under a tree reading a book, but Professor Dumbledore thought that writing down my thoughts and feelings might help me pinpoint what's going on in my mind. You see, I think I'm a pretty typical teenager in most ways, but I've been having some troubling dreams of late. To top it off, about two weeks ago I found myself out in the Forbidden Forest way past curfew, and I've no idea how I arrived there.
Mr. Filch was kind enough to escort me back to school (by my ear, no less) and deposit me in the Headmaster's office; that is how I came to be writing in this stupid journal. You see, I have this furry little problem that comes around about once a month. Normally, girls are the ones that have to worry about 'cycles', but my whole world revolves around the cycles of the moon. My name is Remus, and I'm a werewolf. Okay, that sounds like I have an addiction instead of an affliction, but it's true. Every month I have to hide away and stay confined, for my own protection and the safety of others.
I suppose it is crappy, but I've never really known any different. I became a werewolf when I was fairly young, and I don't have very many memories before then. I'm told I almost died, and perhaps, in some ways, it would have been easier if I had. I know it was really hard on my mum and dad, and really, if it hadn't been for Dumbledore, I'm not sure what would have happened to me. I was quite easy to contain when I was still a little kid, but now that I'm older and bigger, I'm ten times stronger when I transform. Also, it was getting more and more difficult to make excuses for my absences during every full moon. We kept it a secret as long as possible, and my family had moved eight times in six years, but it was getting too hard to hide it any more.
Thank Circe my letter from Hogwarts arrived. My mum didn't think I would be able to go, what with the safety of the other kids and all, but Dumbledore told her he would personally watch over me and not to worry. And true to his word, I've been here almost six years and there hasn't been a problem yet. Except for last week and that whole 'wandering through the woods at night' thing.
You see, lately I've been going through a lot of changes, and they seem to be affecting me even when the moon isn't full. I think it's partly puberty (I'm a bit of a late bloomer) and just getting older and stuff, but I've been having these strange feelings and urges. I don't want to kill people or anything, but I feel kind of, I dunno, unsettled, I guess. Sometimes I can smell things like happiness or fear, things I didn't even know had a scent. And sometimes, something will grab my attention and I just can't shake it off. I just kind of go over and over it in my mind until it just about drives me spare.
Anyway, I'm supposed to write in my diary when things go pear-shaped, so I'll probably be writing lots pretty soon. We're still over a week from the full moon and I'm already starting to feel a bit ropey.

7th June
Well, it's exam time, and that's always a bit stressful, but it seems to be worse than usual. I can't sleep. No matter what I try, I just lie awake staring at the ceiling. But I'm also terribly restless, so I toss and turn and pace around the dormitory, and basically drive the others nuts. And last night was even worse. I wanted to go and run. I just wanted to feel the grass beneath my feet and the wind in my hair. There were so many scents in the night air, and I stood at the window and sniffed and sniffed. They teased me, those gentle breezes, and called to me from somewhere deep inside and they almost made me drunk, and it was all I could do to not sneak out of the dormitory and go running in the woods.

I woke up James and asked him to tie my foot to my bedpost. He told me he wasn't really into the whole 'kink' scene (haha) but he agreed to do it anyway. I think it was the only thing that kept me in the room last night. And now, I'm so terribly tired that I'm really worried about how I'm going to do on my exams today.
8th June
Oh my God! I ate so much at dinner tonight I think I may have injured myself! I was so famished that I would have eaten a horse between two mattresses, and when we finally finished our Transfiguration practical we went to the Great Hall for supper. I just couldn't't shovel it in fast enough. Sirius suggested that I might have a tapeworm, and James just thought that I was an insufferable pig, but I swear I needed both hands to feed myself tonight. It kind of worries me, because really, my stomach is killing me right now, and I'm not sure my trousers will fit tomorrow. Thank goodness for loose-fitting robes!

10th June
Today was very disturbing and while I'd rather not talk about it, I promised Dumbledore that I would keep this diary; after all of the wonderful things that he's done for me, I at least owe him that much. Today was our Defense Against the Dark Arts Ordinary Wizarding Level written exam, and I think it went fairly well. (The questions about how to spot a werewolf didn't exactly hurt my marks either.)
Anyway, we had finished the exam, and Padfoot, the others, and I went down by the lake to relax and hang out. James decided he needed a little attention from the opposite sex; Lily Evans, whom he fancies, and a few other girls were hanging around a bit down the way, wading in the lake. So James had been showing off, catching a Snitch he'd nicked from practice, until Sirius told him to leave off. I don't think she thought it was impressive enough anyway 'cause all he got was a couple of eye rolls from her, so he decided to take it up a notch and really get her attention. Well, didn't Severus Snape have the ill luck of being noticed by James just then. Now, I don't like the bloke or anything; he seems okay, if a bit greasy and creepy, but he didn't deserve what James was doing to him. He disarmed him, gave him Impedimenta, Scourgified his mouth, and basically was a real arsehole.
People were standing around laughing at Snape, and you know, it would have been funny if James had been doing it to Sirius, or me, or something. But this was two against one, and Severus hadn't done anything to deserve it! I mean, shit, I don't know�James is a really great bloke. He really is. When I told him about my 'problem', he didn't even bat an eye. He's kept schtum about it the whole time we've known each other, and the killer is, if someone even THOUGHT about treating me the way he was treating Snape, he would skin them alive. Sirius too. They are wonderful, loyal friends, but watching them do that to Severus made me want to puke. I suppose I've spent enough of my life being on the outside looking in, that I can sort of identify with Severus.
So anyway, it was getting to a point where Lily's attention had already been gained and lost (I'm glad she wasn't impressed by his bullying either), and James had Severus hanging upside down in mid-air and was going to remove his pants when I had to put a stop to it. I don't know why, but watching Severus dangling in the air made me feel kind of funny. I was really quiet about it; in fact, I think Peter was the only one who saw me use the Expelliarmus charm on James, although I'm sure he knows who did it. He would never call me on it though. See? That's the kind of friend James is. I need someone like him to bring me out of my shell, and he needs someone like me to reel him in from time to time. I mean, I don't know why I am going on and on, defending him here. I mean, it's MY diary, after all, and I already KNOW he's a good mate, so I guess I can stop blubbering now.
The others decided to go and get a bite to eat, and even though I was hungry before this whole thing happened, I sort of lost my appetite, so I headed off to the Quidditch field to get some air. I caught Severus out of the corner of my eye. He was going into the Slytherin changing room, and I'm still not exactly sure why, but I followed him. Something happened to me when James had him hanging in the air and I can't quite describe it. Somehow, something about James picking on Severus struck a chord in me and I couldn't shake it off. I think it was the way he smelled. I mean, not that I could smell him from that distance, but I sort of could, you know? I could sense his fear, and his shame and something else? Hate? Courage? Adrenaline? I don't know. They were all kind of mixed up together, but it was like a drug for me, and I wanted more.
I kept a little way back so he wouldn't see me. He was crying, sort of, and part of me wanted to go over to him and tell him how sorry I was. The other part of me knew that he would probably kick my arse if he got the chance, so I stayed put. Then he started taking off his robes to have a shower, and I'm like, 'Oh Great! This is the LAST thing I want to be doing, watching some bloke get all wet and naked,' but I couldn't exactly get up and leave, either, because then he'd know I was spying on him. So I got comfortable and waited it out. But then, another strange thing happened to me. I kind of got off on watching him. I mean, not in the I-want-to-shag-him way, but in an I'm-watching-him-and-he-doesn't-even-know-I'm-here way. It was�powerful. I inched a bit closer, sneaking around the benches. Severus was just standing there, leaning against the wall, letting the water run over his head. I think he was just sort of trying to rinse away the whole crappy afternoon, and I felt kind of bad for him. He looked even smaller and, I don't know, less creepy, all naked and wet and everything. And then, believe it or not, he started singing, and I just about crapped myself! I shit you not! Severus Snape has a pretty decent voice. I mean, he wasn't belting out opera or anything, I don't even know what tune he was singing, but I'll tell you, it was surprising to say the least. It was sweet, and sort of haunting, and that made it even more�surreal, the whole experience of sneaking around and stuff. Just one more secret that I had. Well, at least until I knocked a row of Shooting Stars over, that is. He snapped to attention and looked around the room, his black eyes glittering. I ducked behind a bench and held my breath.
"What's wrong, Potter?" He called out. "Didn't get to see what you wanted out there?" He turned off the shower and reached for his wand. "Well? If you're still wondering what kind of snakes us Slytherins have, I've got one right here for you."
I dared a peek underneath the bench, and Severus was standing there, naked with his wand drawn. You know, I have to give him credit; if it were me, I would have been hiding my shame behind a trolley full of towels, but he seemed to have no embarrassment about his body whatsoever. Well, I guess my body is different, what with all the gory scars and all. It's certainly pretty manky to look at, and Severus' body is just about perfect. I mean, not in a body-builder sort of way, but he's long and lean; he's got enough muscle to look okay, at least for a skinny bloke. After a minute or two, when there were no more noises (I don't think I breathed the whole time!), he put down his wand and turned the shower back on. As soon as he turned around I scarpered; I think I heard him call my name, but I didn't stop to find out.
I didn't tell the lads what happened, but I'm pretty sure Sirius could tell something was a bit skew-whiff.

14 June
Well, I suppose my transformation went pretty smoothly this time. I went into the Shrieking Shack Saturday afternoon, and now it's Monday morning and I'm back in the dormitory. I'm always so tired after the full moon. I suppose I probably don't sleep while I'm a wolf, but that's crazy isn't it? I mean, normal wolves sleep, don't they? Anyway, I'm going to try to have a kip right now, because we've got our History of Magic exam this afternoon (ZZZZZZZZZ) and I'd have a hard time staying awake for that one regardless of what day it fell on. Plus, tomorrow is the End-Of-Year Dance and I'm taking Emma Plucklower. Well, technically, she's taking me, I suppose, since she was the one who did the inviting. James actually managed to convince Lily to accompany him (Spell? Hex? Potion?) and Sirius? That stud. There are at least six girls who THINK they are going with him, but I'm sure there are more than that. The bloke is a bird-magnet. I wish I had his confidence (and shocking good looks) but I don't, so I'll have to settle for what I do have. Which is�?

15 June
Oh fuckingshitbollockingcrap!! No. I can't write about what happened. I don't want to. ShitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitFUCK!!!!!!!!! I'll do it later. It's already three in the morning, but I can't see myself sleeping a wink tonight.
15 June
Now, I don't want you to think - I mean, it's not like this has happened before and, Merlin, I didn't want it to happen, it all just kind of got away from me, you know? It's not like I planned it or anything - who would plan that?
I feel terrible about it! Gods! What the hell is wrong with me? Okay, okay, slow down. Holy Shit! I think I'm losing my mind here. Okay, I'm just going to spew it all out, and spelling and punctuation be damned.
So, I took Emma to the dance, and it was fine, I guess. A little boring maybe, but it's a school dance right? Not a house party or anything. Anyway, all night long, she was being flirty and touchy feely. Let's face it, I'm not a mind reader or anything, but it was pretty clear even to me that she was up for some serious snogging. We went outside for a bit, under the pretense of looking at the moon (ha) or whatever, and right away she was pressing up against me and kissing me and stuff, so I kissed her back. Except�I don't know�she's really pretty and all, but it just wasn't floating my boat for some reason. I've got this attractive girl with her tongue in my mouth, and I'm thinking, 'Hmm, I wonder what Sirius is up to right now?' I mean, that's not right! So I faked a migraine and explained to Emma that I was really sorry and all, but I just had to go lie down and put a wet cloth on my head. She was really nice about it, but I could tell she was really gutted.
So after telling that little porky, I couldn't exactly go back inside to the dance. I started wandering around the grounds and I bumped into Sirius and Kirstin Holliwell sucking face behind the hydrangea bushes. That jammy dog! (Literally!) I don't think that she was one of the girls he had even asked out that night. What the hell is it about Sirius Black that the girls just get all ga-ga over? I mean, sure, he's a stud. Strong jaw, straight white teeth, dimples, long eyelashes. His hair looks great no matter what he has just been doing. Seriously. We could practice Quidditch for an hour in a windstorm, and the rest of us will look like electrified squirrels, and Sirius will look like he just walked off the cover of Warlock Weekly. It drives me nuts sometimes.
Anyway, I waited behind the bush for a break in the action to tell him where I was going, but I ended up waiting for yonks. Apparently, both of them have some sort of rudimentary gills or something, because it seemed that neither of them ever needed to come up for air. And while I was waiting, I kind of got that feeling again, like when I was watching Severus. Except, this time, it WAS a shag-you kind of feeling. I don't know why though. I mean, Emma is much prettier than Kirstin, so how come having Emma's tongue in my mouth is less exciting that watching Kirstin put her tongue in Sirius' mouth? I don't get it. All I know is, my pants were getting tighter and tighter by the minute. Watching her lips on his. Seeing him smooth his hands down the small of her back and cup her arse. Watching him lick down the length of her neck, then move up to nibble on her ear. God, I'm getting hard again just thinking about it! What the hell is wrong with me?
So I was standing there like a twonk with ever-tightening trousers and wondering what exactly I was going to do about it, when I realized not only was I spying on Sirius, but also, somebody was spying on me. I could totally feel someone's eyes on me, and when I whirled around, sure enough, there was Severus Snape's beady black peepers peering around the topiaries. As soon as he saw me looking at him, he took off, and I gave chase. He ran out towards the lake, then ducked back behind the Whomping Willow to the outskirts of the Forest. I was right behind him the whole way, and I have to tell you, I don't think I've ever felt more alive. It was like the air was fresher, the grass was springier, and the stars were brighter than I have ever seen them. Chasing after Severus ignited something in me, and I really hit my stride right then.
When we entered the Forest he was weaving in and out of the trees; I could smell the fear and panic on him, and it filled me with sense of anticipation I didn't know existed. His robes billowed out behind him; I was close enough to brush them with the tips of my fingers, but not quite close enough to grab the material and take hold of it. I'll tell you, that bugger can run! I was so worked up I think I was whooping and yelling the whole way, and that seemed to scare him even more. You know, I wasn't angry with him. I don't know what I thought I'd do if I caught him. I wasn't really thinking at all, I just chased him because�well, because he ran, I suppose.
Like I said before, I don't have anything against the bloke, but I could not have stopped chasing him any more than I could have stopped the blood from pulsing through my veins. A bit further into the Forest he stumbled, just a bit, but it was enough for me to grab his cloak, and we tumbled down into the leaves and moss together, somersaulting over each other and skidding along the Forest floor. He was almost on his feet before we even stopped moving (did I mention that he was a quick little bugger?), but I was on top of him before he could get up completely.

He struggled beneath me, and I can't begin to tell you how that made me feel. Having him thrash and fight and wriggle under me was electrifying, and when he arched and threw his head back, exposing a white band of throat just above his collar, I attacked it, tasting the salt and fear and sweat and excitement that was pouring from his skin. I tell you, it was like everything was in slow motion, and somehow I had super-magnified senses. The sound of his breath rasping in and out of his lungs. The feel of the blood pulsing through his arteries. The little strangled grunts and gasps as he fought against me. And the smell, Oh God, the smell. It was musky, wild, ancient, and wonderful. As I bit into him, I came right there in my pants. Seriously, I shot my load, and up until that point, I didn't even know I was horny.
And suddenly, the spell was broken and just like that, it was just me, Remus, picking on a poor sodding bloke whom I had probably just scared the living crap out of.
I got off him and started apologizing right away. I mean, that's just not me! I'm not a bully, or a tough guy or anything. I'm usually Mister Level-Headed, or Mister Hey-guys-we'd-better-not-do-that-or-we'll-get-in-trouble. I don't know what the hell had come over me, but I was mortified about it. Severus just lay there in the leaves, panting and staring at me like I was some kind of animal, and I think I sort of was. He had his hand over his neck where I had bitten him and when he took it away I could see that he was bleeding. Not a lot, mind you, it's not like I tore out his jugular or anything, but it wasn't for lack of trying.
"Oh, Merlin," I said, offering him a hand to help him up. "I'm so sorry."
He ignored my hand and got up on his own, brushing the moss from his robes. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Not as sorry as you're going to be." We were both still shaking from the exertion and muscle fatigue; we just stared at each other for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Then he set his jaw and turned away, walking back through the forest. But before he left I became aware of something else.
He had come in his pants as well.
I went straight to Dumbledore's office, but was told by the gargoyle that he was away for the week; not knowing what else to do, I went to my dormitory and went to bed. I mean, what else could I do? Talk to the others about it? 'So, James, what did you do after the dance?'
'Not much, snogged with Lily for a while and walked around the lake, what did you do, Remus?'
'Oh, not much either, just chased Severus Snape through the woods like a frightened rabbit, then terrorized him until we both climaxed.'
Yeah, that would sit well.

16th June
Today at breakfast James was pretty smug. I think that things went well with Lily last night; he had an ear-to-ear smile all morning. Sirius was taking the piss out of him about it all during the meal, but James wouldn't tell us how he managed to convince Lily to go out with him.
"C'mon, mate, give it up!" Sirius begged. "Did you discover a potion that erased all of her common sense?"
James just smiled and crammed an entire croissant into his mouth. Sirius leaned back in his chair to appear nonchalant, as if not knowing wasn't driving him mad.
"Aha!" Sirius cried, snapping his fingers. "You Polyjuiced yourself into someone worthy of a bird like her�like, say�someone who is dark haired, handsome, and dashing�and�"
"And a total prat?" James interrupted, still smiling.
Peter slid in beside us and pulled over a plate piled high with sausages. "It was a bet," he said, pushing the other plates out of the way to make room for his own.
"A bet?" repeated Sirius.
James tipped Peter's plate so his sausages tumbled onto the table. "Wormtail, you were supposed to keep that information to yourself."
Peter scrambled to pick up his breakfast and blushed. "Oh yeah, sorry James."
James picked at a fresh spot on his chin. "Oh shit."
"What?" Sirius crooned, "James has a zit? This day just keeps getting better and better!" James covered his chin with one hand and Sirius sidled up to him batting his eyelashes. "C'mon, mate, tell us about this so-called bet."
James sighed dramatically, as if he weren't bursting to talk about it, and then said�
"Boys, you are looking at a new man." We all exchanged looks but none of us had a clue what he was talking about. "I am a recovering Git-a-holic."
Sirius laughed and snorted pumpkin juice out his nose. "A Git-a-what?"
"Git-a-holic, you ponce. A recovering one. Lily bet me that I couldn't go three whole months without acting like an arsehole and I bet her I could. And that, my friends," he said, lacing his hands behind his head, "is how I got her to agree to go out with me."
I put down my porridge, intrigued. "So what's to stop you from falling back on your arsehole ways now that you two have copped off?"
"Who says I snogged her?" James asked innocently and we all fell about the table laughing. "Okay, okay, so I snogged her!" he relented, laughing as well.
"No, really," asked Peter, "What's to stop you from being a berk today?"
"This," said James, pointed to his spot. "She charmed me so that every time I act like an arse, I get pimples."
"Wow," said Sirius in wide-eyed wonder. "And you've only got one! I'm impressed!"
"Yes, well, I must say that it's been about twenty-two git-free hours and I feel pretty good."
Just then, Gilbert Goyle walked by with one Neanderthal finger shoved up his nose, and James clamped his hands over his mouth to avoid saying anything. Goyle then withdrew his finger to check on his spoils and James removed his hands from his face and stood up.
"Well, mate," said Sirius, "we'd better make it a good one then. Tell you what, I'll buy you a tube of Clearasil." James smiled and nodded, and they left the table, following closely after Goyle.
I just sort of stirred my porridge around in my bowl while Peter tucked into his feast of sausages.
"You look like shit," he said to me, in between bites.
I rubbed my eyes and tried to not think about what happened last night.
"Yeah, I feel like shit," was all I could say.
"Is it, uh�time to, erm�change soon?" he asked, referring to the lunar cycles.
"No, Peter," I said, pushing my bowl away from me, "that was a week ago."
"Oh, yeah." He crammed another sausage in his mouth. "You okay?"
"I guess so."
"Well," he said, "at least you don't look as bad as him!" He nodded towards the Slytherin table, and I caught sight of Severus. Oh God, he looked like the dog's breakfast. His eyes were all bloodshot and they had dark circles under them, but most noticeable of all were two large bruises on his neck, just under his jaw.
Peter whistled. "That must have been some wildcat he was snogging with last night! I've never seen love bites that big, even on Sirius!"
My breakfast had the sudden urge to make a reappearance, and I willed myself not to puke all over the table. Severus noticed me staring at him and our eyes locked. I felt so horrible about what I'd done to him that I really felt I should apologize again. I got up and made my way over to his table. When he realized that I meant to speak with him, he stood up and took out his wand. The crowd parted like the Red Sea and I put up my hands to show him I was unarmed and meant him no ill will. The kids sitting beside him practically knocked over the bench to get away, and it made me kind of sad that he didn't have anyone around who would stand up for him. I mean, if it were a Slytherin walking over to my table to talk with me, I would have at least three mates to bolster me, you know?
"Severus," I said, my hands still in the air, "I just wanted to apologise again."
He glowered at me and gave me his best sneer. "I surely don't know what you're talking about," he said, loud enough for anyone who remained to hear.
He was trembling, just a little bit, but I noticed it. And he realized I had noticed it. And then, oh shit, I started to get that feeling again. My heart started thumping, and my throat got all dry, and it seemed that there wasn't quite enough oxygen in the room. Severus could sense it too. His pupils got all dilated and he started to breathe more heavily, his nostrils flaring.
'Run,' I thought. 'Come on you bastard, RUN!' His eyes flicked to the side, looking for an escape route, and my muscles coiled, ready to spring. I might have leapt right over the table and attacked him on the floor of the Great Hall, but I was picked up off my feet by Hagrid's huge paws and dragged to McGonagall's office. He sat me in a chair and waited beside me for McGonagall to show up.
"I don' know wha's wrong wi' yeh lately, Remus," he whispered to me. "It's not like yeh ter get inter trouble. Tha' Severus musta done summat righ' nasty to make yer give him a look like tha'. I thought yeh were gonna eat 'im up alive." I just sort of shrugged. He put one massive hand on my head and gently rumpled my hair. "Are yeh all righ', Remus? Yeh look righ' knackered."
And suddenly I just wanted to cry. He was being so nice to me, and I had been such a prick to Severus. I was so tired, so confused, so ashamed, and so afraid of what I was becoming; Dumbledore was away, and I had no one I could talk to�and, and, and. I just closed my eyes and shook my head 'no'.
Hagrid scooted his chair closer to mine and put a giant arm around my shoulders. "Yeh know, if someone's been pickin' on yeh, I'll see to it tha' they stop." I choked out a laugh and shook my head again, swiping at my eyes.
"Thanks, Hagrid, that's kind of you, but nobody's been picking on me," I said meekly.
"Yeh sure?" he asked, his dark eyes peering over the top of his beard.
"Yes, thank you," I managed. He regarded me for a second more, and then removed his four-ton arm from my shoulders.
"All righ', go on then."
I gave him a quizzical look. "We don't have to wait for Professor McGonagall?"
He shook his head. "No, I'll jus' tell 'er we already had a talk."
I smiled, relived. "Thanks, Hagrid." He swept me up into a bone-crushing hug and rumpled my hair again.
"It's nuthin', now go on," he said, pushing me from the room. I didn't wait to be told twice.

18th June
Severus came to me last night.
I awoke to see my bed curtains parted and his silhouette cut from the waning moonlight behind him. He slipped off his robes and slid beneath the sheets with me.
"Do you want to see my Slytherin snake?" he whispered hotly in my ear and I was confused.
"I think I need a lion," I told him.
He ran his hands down my back, just as I had seen Sirius do to Kirstin and I shuddered. He kissed me softly, and I fought back my tears.
"I can't," I said. "I'm a werewolf."
"It's okay," he reassured me, trailing his kisses down my neck. "I'm a vampire."
He opened his mouth and I cried out as he sank his fangs into my throat. Blood spurted all over my sheets.
I woke up, sweating and shivering.
Something had spurted all over my sheets, but it wasn't blood.

19th June
Well, Severus' neck is starting to look better, so I can at least take some comfort in that. James' face, well, that's another story. Actually, I think he's doing pretty well on this recovering Git-a-holic thing. The spots seem to heal pretty quickly (if he doesn't pick at them, that is), and at the moment he's only got about six or so, mostly on his forehead. I think it might be good for him to see how life is for the rest of us non-handsome folk. Sirius, however, is acting like he's lost his best friend. And I suppose, in a way, he has. Not only is James taking the high road (most of the time), but his spare time is taken up with snogging Lily. Poor Sirius has lost his partner-in-crime. He tried to recruit me and Peter to stir up some trouble, but Wormtail's just not inventive enough, and my heart wasn't in it. So he just sulked beside me after breakfast while I wrote in this stupid diary.
"Whatcha doing?" he asked, peering upside down at my notes.
"Nothing," I said, snapping the book shut.
"Anything juicy in there?" he asked, and I clutched the diary to my chest.
"Sod off. Dumbledore asked me to write in it, so I am. Nothing more."
"Are you writing about your girlfriend in there?" he asked, and I clutched it even more tightly.
"You know perfectly well that I don't have a girlfriend," I spat. "All the good ones seem to be going out with you anyway."
"You're blushing!" he gushed. "Wormtail, isn't Moony blushing?"
Peter looked at me and nodded. "Yup, he's blushing."
"I AM NOT BLUSHING!" I shouted, although I could probably have roasted a potato on my face right then.
"If you don't have a girlfriend," Sirius goaded, "then who are you moaning about at night?"
I'm quite sure I went from pink to crimson. "I�I�uh�"
Sirius took advantage of my confused state and plucked the diary from my arms. He held it up over his head and opened it, pretending to read.
"Dear diary," he sang, in a high falsetto. "I was a teenage werewolf."
"Give it back," I growled, panic rising in my throat.
"I'm also a gormless Nancy-boy and a self-professed wanker."
He flipped through the pages of the book, and I could plainly see Severus' name written there. A switch went off in my head and I sprang from my seat and attacked him. He is much bigger than me, and stronger too, but I had the element of surprise, so I had already got in a good five punches before he even knew what hit him. He shoved me off with such force that I cracked my head on the bench behind me, but not before I had managed to wrench the diary from his hands. He punched me one in the face, hard, but James was on him, holding him back before he could do anything more.
"What in Merlin's name is wrong with you two?" he asked, as Sirius struggled to get past him.
"Ask him!" he shouted. "He's the one attacking me for no reason at all!"
I was so angry I couldn't bear to look at him. "Go fuck yourself," was all I could manage. I looked out over the sea of tables and wouldn't you know it, there was Severus Snape staring at us. His cheeks were flushed and there was a satisfied smirk on his face. I'm sure he was enjoying this immensely. I scrambled to my feet and ran out of the Hall, not even sure where I was going. I ended up somewhere on the third floor in some unfamiliar corridor, and I sat down to catch my breath and gather my thoughts.
What the FUCK was wrong with me? I had just punched my best friend in the head. Multiple times! I put my hand up to touch my own eye, which was swelling shut and throbbing like a son of a bitch. His one punch was more effective than anything I had done to him. I couldn't help but be impressed. I wondered if I would look cool with a black eye, or just like a prat who lost a fight.
"Ouch."
I looked up and there was Severus with that same smirk. I instinctively clutched the diary to my chest.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"What do you care?" I asked, a little too harshly.
"I don't, really," he answered. He kneeled down to my level and reached one hand out to my face. "That's going to be quite a shiner."
I closed my one good eye and sighed. "Yeah, Sirius packs a pretty good punch."
Severus smiled and gently prodded the bone above my eye socket. I winced and he withdrew his hand.
"I don't think it's broken. I could fix it for you if you like." He fished in his robes for his wand.
"Really?"
"Yeah," he said, bringing out his wand and placing it near my face. "Potions are more my thing, but I think I might want to be a Healer after I graduate."
I had a moment of trepidation, realizing I was in an unknown corridor and allowing a Slytherin to point his wand at my face, but Severus mumbled a Healing spell. The swelling immediately began to go down, and I was able to see out of that eye again. I put my hand up to my face and had a feel.
"It's not perfect," he said, moving my hand so he could get a closer look, "but it's better than before." He brushed my fringe off my face and I became painfully aware of how close he was to me. He pushed against my eyebrow a few more times, seeing how effective his charm had been. I snuck a peek at his neck, where the bruises were now turning a sickly shade of green and yellow as they worked their way out of his system. He noticed me looking, and put his hand up to his throat.
"I really am sorry," I whispered, my voice husky.
"Yeah, I know," he said, his voice equally hoarse.
I reached out and touched his hand. He searched my face a moment, then leaned in and brushed his lips across mine. Then he was gone, down the corridor in a swirl of black robes.
I sat there a while, until the blood stopped pounding in my ears.
My lips were still tingling when I got back to the dorm. I hadn't even begun to pack, and the End-of-Year feast was only hours away; we would be leaving for home in the morning.
I was so wrapped up in what had happened in the 3rd floor corridor that I didn't hear the low growl coming from the shadows. I wasn't aware I was being stalked until he had already pounced and knocked me to the ground.
I scrambled to get out from under him but his huge paws were pinning my chest to the floor and his sharp teeth nipped at my neck.
"Get off me, you flea-bitten cur! You're getting fur all over my robes."
The dog barked joyfully and began to lick my face.
"Ugh! Dog Breath, you're killing me here!" I cried, but laughed despite myself. I scratched him behind the ears and he whimpered pathetically and nuzzled my neck.
"Yes," I said, grabbing great handfuls of black hair and hugging him close, "I forgive you." He began to lick me again, more enthusiastically, and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Okay already, I said I forgive you. Now get off before you give me mange or something."
He rolled off me onto his back and began to shimmy about, scratching and rubbing his back against the hard stone floor, paws scratching the air.
"Do you want a belly rub?"
I vigorously stroked his tummy and his long tongue lolled out the side of his grinning doggy mouth. Peter came in the room and eyed us disapprovingly.
"Jeez you guys, get a room already."
"You're just jealous," I said, "because no one wants to rub your rat belly."
"Yeah," said Sirius, "bubonic plague and all that."
"Sodding hell!" I cried, pulling my hand off his now furless (well, mostly furless) stomach. "You wanna give a bit of warning before you go and transform yourself?"
"Sorry mate," he grinned, not sorry in the least.
Peter rolled his eyes and began to pack his things. Sirius gave me a quizzical look before pulling out his wand. With a flick of his wrist, his own clothes began to fold themselves and self-pack in his now open trunk.
"You know, Wormtail," he said, "there's this really cool thing they call 'magic', and I think you'll find it can be quite the time saver."

Peter continued to fold his clothes by hand. "Yeah, thanks," he said sarcastically, "but my mum freaks if my clothes aren't folded just right, and I haven't got a good handle on that charm just yet." Sirius made the sound of a cracking whip and we both sniggered.
"C'mon," he said to me, "the feast is about to begin and I'm starving."
I gave Wormy a look to see if he wanted any help, but he waved me off, so down to the feast we went.
Well, the End-Of-Year dinner was brilliant, as usual. The house-elves really outdid themselves this time. Veal, lamb, prawns, and lobster, plus six different kinds of potatoes, four salads, eight different veggies (who cares?) and something called Chocolate Volcano Surprise for dessert.
Halfway through shoveling food into my cake-hole, I looked up and noticed Severus staring at me. He gave a little nod towards the far entrance; without looking back he stood up and walked out. I dropped my fork and followed him. I think James might have called after me, but I was already halfway across the Great Hall.
By the time I reached the corridor, he was already gone, save for a hint of black robes turning down the far hallway. My pulse quickened and I gave chase. As my feet pounded against the hard stone floor, I couldn't help but smile. This was more fun that Quidditch. I made up some distance so we were only a few yards apart. His head was down, and those damned long legs of his gave him the stride of a professional runner. My own shorter ones had to pump faster just to keep up, but luckily, I had spent a lot of time this spring running and was in fair shape.
There was no fear this time, but I smelled excitement, anticipation, and an odd mix of nerves and hunger�but not for food, a hunger for something else. He sensed my nearness and picked up speed. He led me through the corridor, down two flights of stairs, across the East Entrance, through a vestibule, then down another set of steps. 'Oh sodding hell,' I thought to myself, 'are we heading to the Slytherin dungeons?'
I was gaining on him again, and could tell that he was beginning to tire. Ten paces away, then eight, then five. I could hear his breathing, and smelled the sweet scent of fresh sweat coming off him. Four paces. I started getting keyed up with the sheer closeness of him, and just like that night in the forest, if I reached out my hand, I could just barely brush my fingers across his billowing cloak. So close. I was so close. Then the Chocolate Volcano Surprise decided to speak up.
I don't know what I was thinking. I had just eaten more than any scrawny five-foot-nothing teenager had a right to, then immediately took a mad-dash scramble through the corridors and stairwells of the castle.
The cramp was so sudden and so severe that I doubled over in mid-stride. I bounced and tumbled across the floor until I skidded to a stop near the entrance to a small conservatory. It boasted plants and birds and a small fountain, but my only concern for the moment was the massive stitch in my side. I rolled around in agony, kneading my clenched abdominal muscles, until they slowly untangled their knots and agreed to relax and stretch out.
I crawled onto the ledge of the fountain and attempted to catch my breath. Damn, that Severus was quick! I should have known better than to try and chase someone who was built like a marathon runner.
The water in the fountain smelled good, so I splashed some of it on my face and washed the sweat from the back of my neck. I was just beginning to wonder if I could find my way back to Gryffindor Tower when the flash of black came flying at me.
There was an odd second where I thought that maybe it was Sirius, in dog form, ambushing me again, but it was not. Severus knocked me from my perch on the fountain and I fell back onto the stone floor. I scrambled to get up, but he was on top of me, grabbing my arms to pin them, pushing his chest against mine to keep me from tipping him off.
I struggled to get away, to get out from under him, but he seemed to anticipate my every move. His long legs locked mine beneath them as his hands grasped my arms and held them above my head, against the floor.
I didn't like this. I didn't like it at all.
I struggled harder against him and pushed with my hips to tip him off balance and shove him off of me. He grunted as he fought against me and his long hair fell in my face, bringing with it his scent. Oh Merlin, it was that same scent�musky, wild, ancient, and wonderful�and suddenly I was awash with a desire so strong, it was unfathomable that I hadn't realized it until right then. A lust so intense that my body was open and raw with it. I arched into him, and he put his mouth to my neck and sucked the flesh there.
Instead of pushing him away, I was clawing at him to bring him closer. I cried out, grinding and straining against him, and he moaned into my neck. The sound and vibration went straight to my groin and I labored against him even more. As he bit in to the tender skin of my throat, I gave one last strangled cry and my whole body shuddered with the force of my climax. I bucked against him and his hands tightened on my arms as he gasped and rode the wave of my orgasm.
My face flushed with shame and I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Get off me," I said thickly.
Severus still gripped my arms with his long fingers; he stopped working on my neck long enough to regard me. His black eyes bore into mine, and there was a depth to them that was dizzying and a little terrifying, like looking off the edge of a deep precipice.
"You didn't stop for me when I asked."
He bent his head back down and sunk his teeth into the little hollow above my collarbone.
"If you don't want this, fight back," he murmured, trailing his tongue up to just below my ear in the crook of my jaw. Desire was coming out of him in waves and his damn ebony hair kept dragging across my face, bringing with it the perfume of his longing.
Unbelievable as it may seem, my cock jumped back to attention. Oh Merlin, it was going to happen again.
"No!" I cried, beginning my struggle anew. He gasped as I writhed beneath him, and he pressed the whole length of his body against me even harder.
"Please," I begged, and I'm still not exactly sure what I was begging for, because at this point I didn't want it to go on, but I didn't want him to stop.
"Fight me, Remus," he hissed in my ear, while the hot bulge in his trousers ground against my own throbbing, pulsing prick.
I kicked my legs out and twisted beneath him. He groaned in my ear and I begged him again.
"Please!"
His mouth found mine, hungry and insistent, and as our tongues met, we devoured each other's moans. I realized that this was what I had been pleading for.
"Please," I said again, into his mouth. I shifted beneath him and he slammed against me so hard he almost knocked the wind out of me. His hands dug farther into my arms. I was torn between the good and the bad. The lust and the shame. I rode the line between pleasure and pain until the intensity of his grinding hips overrode everything else, save the mesmerizing heat of his mouth.
"Please," I managed to say one more time before I was engulfed by the waves of pleasure he was creating; I strained against him, each muscle poised for the final release, and when it finally came, I cried out his name for the second time that night.
He said my name as well, over and over in that crushed velvet voice, and he continued to say it after our bodies had stopped moving.
"Remus, Remus, Remus." It was soft and sexy and almost a question.
Shame colored my cheeks again and tears pricked behind my eyelids, threatening to spill forth. He let go of my arms and rolled off me, still maintaining contact down the length of our bodies.
My hands tingled and burned as the blood crept back into them and I put them over my face, mortified. Severus pulled them away and searched my face. I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked, tracing my lips with one long, tender finger. I wasn't sure how to answer.
"My pride," I said, "and my former rock-solid belief in my sexual orientation."
He smiled sadly at me. "Poor Remus. Nothing is written in stone," he said. "Not everything in the world is black and white."
I stared at his inky eyes and milk-white skin and the irony of his statement was not lost on me. "Sometimes they are," I said.
He got to his feet, then offered his hand and helped me to mine. I felt strange and awkward (not to mention sweaty and more than a little sticky).
"So�I, uh�erm�"
He kissed me lightly on the cheek.
"Have a good summer, Remus."
Then he left.
I stood there amid the chirping birds and the trickle of the fountain, half blind with the mix of confused thoughts and conflicting emotions.
What had just happened? And would I have to wait the entire summer for it to happen again?
Only one thing was clear. I needed to go running.

20th July
I'm going to James' house for the weekend and I'm so chuffed I can barely sleep. Okay, so I don't have to be chuffed to have insomnia, but you know what I mean.
Sirius will be there too, as he's staying the summer with him but I'm not sure if Peter will be able to make it. His parents aren't too impressed with his choice of friends. I'm not sure what they have against James, but the Black family name is mud in much of the wizarding world. That's crazy though, because it's not Sirius' fault that his family is 'Dark'. They shouldn't take it out on him. If you ask me, Peter's lucky to have friends like them. I know I am.

25th July
The weekend started out great. James' folks are really wonderful people; they know all about my 'problem' and they don't even care. Mrs. Potter made us up a huge batch of sarnies and drinks and sent us outside for a feast.
We went down to the big pond behind their house and ate and drank 'til we nearly exploded. We lay in the shade like worthless slugs and talked about school, the future, and all sorts of things. Then Sirius got a glint in his eye, shucked his clothes and went for a skinny-dip in the pond.
"C'mon in mates! The water's fine!"
James gave me a smile, then dropped trou and went in too.
"C'mon Moony! Get in!" he yelled.
"Erm�I'm okay right here."
"Forget that!" laughed Sirius, splashing water at me. "Get in by yourself, or I'll help you."
"Sod off!" I laughed, then flipped him the bird.
"Mooooony!" James called. "Time for swiiiiiimmmmy!"
"Let's see if the wolf can swim!"
I crossed my arms over my chest and gave Sirius my 'Don't mess with me' look.
"It already smells like wet dog here, we don't need wet wolf too." I said.
"I'm going to count back from ten, Remus. And if you're not naked and wet by the time I reach one, then I'm coming to get you."
"Really, this is ridiculous."
"Ten!"
"James, make him stop."
"Nine!"
James just laughed and dunked himself under the water.
"Eight!"
"Honestly Sirius, I don't want to swim."
"Seven!"
I was starting to get nervous. I looked to James for help, but he was swimming lazy circles around the pond.
"C'mon Moony, don't make me force you!...Six!"
"Oh for shite's sake, fine! If it will make you happy." I began to unbutton my trousers.
"Five!"
"You can stop counting, I'm coming."
James came over to help Sirius.
"Four!" they both yelled.
Trying to undress with a time limit, with both of them staring and shouting made me anxious, and strangely�aroused. Of all the horrible times to get an inappropriate erection, this would certainly qualify as one of the very worst.
"Three!"
"Cut it out!" I yelled, fumbling with the buttons on my shirt.
"Two!"
Oh frig. How was I going to get from the shore to the water without announcing my hard-on to the world? My fingers froze on my shirt and I willed my prick to shrivel�no such luck.
"One!" they shrieked, and began to descend upon me. I let out my best warrior cry and pushed past them and into the water, still half dressed. The pond was blessedly cool and I prayed for shrinkage. Lucky for me, the Gods of Flaccidity were listening. Phew! Both the lads know about my hang-up about my scars so neither of them gave me a hard time about leaving my shirt on.
After splashing around for a while we all crawled back on shore and lay in the sun to warm up and dry off. Sirius was stretched out beside me, and I couldn't help but admire his body. He's just so freaking fit! Long and lean, but tanned and athletic too. He rolled over on to his back and his penis flopped around on his thigh.
"You wanna put that thing away before you poke somebody's eye out?" I asked.
"Eat me," he said, flopping it around even more.
"He wants a meal, not a snack," James sniggered.
"Hey," said Sirius, "once you've had Black, you'll never go back." James and I both roared laughing.
Eventually the day cooled off and dusk began to fall. It had been an almost perfect day and I wasn't looking forward to going home tomorrow. James stood up briskly and began to gather the makings of a fire.
"We should get ready, our guests will be here soon," he said, piling larger sticks on top of the kindling.
"Guests?" I asked.
Sirius gave me an impish grin and waggled his eyebrows.
"Yup, the Belamy sisters. Sarah and Trish; they're hot!" He bit the back of one finger for emphasis.
"And," added James, "they have a cousin in from Ireland right now. I'm told she's quite the totty."
"Sure," I said, "great personality and all that."
"I'll take the Irish one if you don't want her," Sirius grinned.
"Even if she's 200 stone?" asked James.
Sirius shrugged and grinned, "Hey, any hole is a goal."
I gave him a punch on the arm.
"You are absolutely despicable, do you know that?"
"Yes," he answered. He shot me his trademark dimpled smile and all was forgiven.
James produced some bottles of Butterbeer and passed them around, and we sat around the now crackling fire, toasting our friendship. Long live Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and the absent Wormtail. The night was crisp, the fire smelled wonderful, and I was with my two best mates in the world. Life couldn't get any better than this.
And then the girls arrived.
Well, the Irish cousin (Leanna, I think) wasn't 200 stone, and I suppose that she was cute. Sirius took to her right away, and she to him. Trish seemed to fancy James quite a bit, so that left poor Sarah stuck with me. I had asked James about Lily�I mean, weren't they an item? James told me (while absently picking at a new spot on his cheek) Lily had informed him that she would re-evaluate their relationship when school began again. I guess she would see how bad his acne scars were and decide from there.
James gave me a sly wink and pulled Trish onto his lap. She gave a shrill giggle and slapped him on the shoulder, but made no effort to get up. The girls had brought a couple of bottles of Elven wine, so after the Butterbeer was gone, we passed around the bottles and took turns drinking from the long decorative carafes.
After a while, James and Trish went for a 'walk' together out in the field. Leanna and Sirius had begun a full-on snogging session beside Sarah and me. We sat stiffly, side by side, in front of the fire. The wine had relaxed me a bit, but I felt a lot of pressure to cop off with Sarah, and I barely knew her. She seemed a little nervous too, and other than the occasional shy smile at each other, we barely made eye contact.
Lucky for us, there was quite a show happening only a few feet away. Sirius was making impressive headway with Leanna and it was only a matter of time before he would have to put up a privacy charm around them. Sarah put her hand on my knee. I tensed up, but forced myself to put my hand over hers and rub it lightly.
There were some new sounds coming from the grass to our left and we both leaned over to get a better look. After a moment, Sirius tore himself away from Leanna's cleavage and noticed his audience. He blushed slightly, but only slightly.
"Hey, why don't you two take the rest of the wine and go for a walk�and look at the moon?" he said, winking. I shook my head slightly, but he jerked his head toward a small cluster of trees and I understood that he wasn't 'asking'; he was 'telling.'
"Ooh," said Sarah, "do you know much about the moon?"
"Yeah, I've heard of it," I said. I grabbed the rest of the wine and followed her away from the fire. We made our way to the trees, not saying much. I've always been dead shy around girls, and I honestly didn't know what to talk about.
"Do you know much about astronomy?" she asked, looking at the vast sky.
"A little," I said, "we take it in school." I pointed to the north sky and etched out the shape of a dog. "That's Sirius up there."
She looked where I was pointing but did not see. I pointed again, slowly emphasizing the animal's shape, but she shook her head.
"Sorry, I still just don't see it."
I positioned myself directly behind her and then pointed over her shoulder to the night sky.
"See that bright one there? And then two less bright ones, then the really big one at the top? Those are the ears and that one is the eye."
She took a deep breath and leaned back against me.
"I do!" she said excitedly, "I see it!"
She leaned in to me a bit more and my hands went to her waist to steady myself.
"Show me another."
"Erm�okay." Astronomy has never been my favorite subject, but I knew a few of the constellations.
"Okay, straight up from that bush, see that little clump of stars? Okay, just to the right of them is Orion, and if you follow the line down from there you can see his bow and arrow."
"That's brilliant," she said, turning to face me. Her bosoms were all pressed up against me, so I tried to take a step back, but there was a tree right behind me; I had nowhere to go.
I began to get nervous with her pushed up against me like that. Her breasts seemed like they might suffocate me, and I started feeling like I couldn't breathe.
"Do you want some more wine?" I gasped.
"Sure." She took the bottle and tipped it up to her lips. When she was finished, she held the bottle and tipped it up to mine. I tried to drink, but her aim was off and much of it spilled down my neck and on to my shirt.
"Oh no! I'm so sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. "But don't worry, I'll get it." She leaned in close and licked the wine off my neck. I'm sure she was trying to be sexy, but I couldn't help but be reminded of a particular large black dog that was fond of licking me when he needed forgiveness.
She finished with my neck and worked her way to my mouth. She crushed her lips against mine and started to sort of give me these small, wet, repetetitive smooches, and it was not entirely unlike being eaten alive by a goldfish.
I tried to kiss her back, but I was already having trouble breathing with her huge boobs pressed up against my chest, and with her mouth on mine it was even more difficult and I was beginning to panic.
I realized that my hands were still hanging on her waist like dead slabs of meat, so I forced myself to trail them up her back and stroke her hair.
"I like you, Remus," she said between kisses, as I hungrily gulped in some air.
"I...uh�I like you too�" I panted.
I stroked her hair some more and I was again reminded of patting a dog, but not any dog�this one kissed like a fish! A dogfish! I suppressed a maniacal giggle.
"Oh dear," she said, touching the collar of my tunic, "we've spilled some wine on your shirt as well. If we wash it out now it shouldn't stain."
She began to unbutton my shirt and my hands flew up to stop her.
"It doesn't matter," I said, "it's an old shirt anyway."
"Don't be silly, it will just take a sec."
She began to work the buttons on my shirt again and I grabbed her. We were locked in a tug 'o war of wills. She, trying to be helpful, and me, protecting my horrible secret. I suppose that she was a little more forceful than I had anticipated, because there was a loud rip, and most of the buttons on my tunic went popping off.
"Well, the stain won't really be a problem now, will it?" I quipped.
I looked at her for a response but her mouth hung open in shock and disgust.
"Dear God!" she spat. "What the hell happened to you? Were you mauled by a wild animal or something?"
I crossed my arms over my mangled chest.
"Yeah, something like that," I said.
"Merlin, that's terrible!"
I rolled my eyes. Yes, yes, it's terrible. Of course it's terrible. Well, the bright side was, at least her bosoms weren't suffocating me anymore�but suddenly they were back. With a vengeance. She practically attacked me, and I almost fell over backwards in surprise. Her mouth was all over mine and her hands began to roam over my body.
Sirius had told me that scars were sexy, but I never believed him. I mean, sure, a little scar above your lip from a fistfight or something, but not disembowelment-type scars. I was just beginning to wonder if other girls might find them sexy too, when I noticed Sarah had slid to her knees and was tugging at my belt buckle. Sodding hell! What on earth was she planning to do down there? My heart began to race and my mouth went dry.
And what, Oh Merlin, no! If she was going to do that to me, was she going to expect me to do something to her as well? Because I� Oh Gods! I don't think I could�even do that. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to begin!! The mechanics of it were overwhelming!
She got my buckle undone and tugged at my trousers until they pooled at my ankles. Oh Merlin, oh no. My throat constricted and I couldn't breathe. Her hands began to fondle me down there and I could feel her hot breath on my groin. I prayed for a stray fork of lightning to come crashing out of the heavens and strike me dead so I wouldn't have to endure this.
"Please don't," I tried to say, but there was no air in my lungs. And then I was in her mouth and it was sloppy and wet and suddenly I was struck with the vision of her being a goldfish again, nibbling at my privates, and I started to giggle. Except I couldn't breathe, and although she was trying her best down there, bless her heart. I'm sure she could tell that it just wasn't working. Plus, now I was more than giggling, I was full out laughing, except I STILL couldn't breathe, so it was more like some sort of attack where I was shaking and had tears streaming down my face.
And then she bit me. She frigging BIT me! I pushed her off (a little roughly, I'll admit), and she fell back on the grass.
And then she screamed, and for one second I thought, 'Oh Gods! I'm turning into a werewolf!!' But then I checked the sky, and no, we weren't even close to the full moon.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she cried.
Then James and Sirius ran in to the clearing and stopped short. They both took one look at me, with my pants around my ankles and Sarah, sitting on the grass a few feet away, and they started grinning like crazy. Sirius looked at me like I'd just caught the winning Snitch, and he and James clapped each other on the back as if it'd been one of them with a girl at their groin instead of me. They both turned to leave when Sarah spoke up.
"Your friend's a faggot," she said, unkindly. I had just been starting to get my breath back when she said that, but those words shot through me like an arrow and my throat caught again. That was a terrible thing to say, and it wasn't true!
"What?" said Sirius darkly.
"Remus is a faggot," she said, matter-of-factly, crossing her arms in front of her. "I tried to give him�you know�" she gestured at my crotch, "�and nothing happened."
I grabbed my chest and willed my lungs to relax. Why was she saying this? Why was she doing this to me?
"Well maybe you're just no good at it," ventured Sirius.
"You didn't have any complaints last month," she answered. Sirius looked at her blankly for a moment, before a smile of recognition crossed his face.
"Oh yeah. Not bad at all, actually," he conceded.
I tried to take in a breath, to defend myself, to tell them that she BIT ME, for God's sake, but nothing would come out.
"I wouldn't have even bothered," she continued, "but I felt kind of sorry for him. I mean look at the poor guy; he's practically deformed."
All of our mouths fell open in shock, and when the guys looked at me, I turned my head in shame. I suddenly felt very naked and hideous. I needed to run. I needed to go and run and run. Away from here. Away from HER. I bent down to pull up my trousers and when I stood back up the trees looked all funny and bendy and everything seemed to be tilting a bit.
I leaned over to catch my breath but it was no use. That's when gravity reared its ugly head and the whole world started to spin. I heard James yell "Moon!" just before I hit the ground. Then it was blessedly quiet.

29th July
Dear Severus,
Severus,
Dear Severus,
How is your summer? Mine has been rather uneventful.
Gee, I really liked it when you pinned me down in the solarium and dry-humped me 'til I came. Twice!
Let's do coffee!
Cordially yours,
Remus, the possibly raging homosexual.
P.S. I'm a werewolf.
P.P.S. If you actually receive this letter, there is a good chance that I have already Obliviated myself and have moved stateside under an assumed identity.
P.P.S. While I'm at it-- I think about you constantly and it's driving me crazy! Why did you have to come into my life and stir things up so completely?
P.P.P.S. Oh Merlin! Someone get a silver bullet and SHOOT ME ALREADY!!
Needless to say, I never owled Severus this summer.

14th August
Mum and I went to Diagon Alley today to get some supplies for the coming school year. You know, I hadn't felt too weird almost all summer break, but all of a sudden, I got kind of sweaty and anxious; I felt like I wanted to jump right out of my skin. Mum was talking to the shop clerk and I started pacing around, trying to fight the urge to sprint out the front door and keep on running.
On my third lap around the store Mum turned to me and said, "Remus, luv, you're going to wear a path in the carpet. If you can't stand still, then go outside and burn off some energy."
I didn't really want to go outside, but I couldn't stop pacing either, so out I went. The air was a bit fresher out there, and I stood on the stoop and took a couple of deep breaths. I was watching the people bustling around when I suddenly realized something.
Severus was near.
I smelled him before I saw him. Don't get me wrong, he didn't smell bad or anything, but I could, like�sense him, you know?
It took me a moment to spot him, but there he was, walking behind his mum near Ollivander's. Now, I don't mean to be crass or anything, but Holy-Bollocking-Arse Biscuits, now I know where Severus gets his beak from, if you catch my drift.
It's odd; he's such a loner that I never really thought of him as having a family. Funny, hey? Anyway, he looks up at me---you know? It's almost like he can smell me too. Hmmm. I wonder. So we looked at each other for a moment, and I kind of raised my hand to say 'Hi'. He scowled a bit, and then said something to his mum. She looked over at me and smiled.
You know, she's kind of like Severus, in that when she smiles, it kind of changes her whole face. She said something to him that I couldn't hear, then walked away, leaving him there alone. I looked back in the shop and my mum was still talking to the clerk, so I crossed the street over to him.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey," he returned.
Neither of us said anything else for a couple of minutes and I started to feel like a git for even thinking that he would want to see me. I was kicking dirt around on the cobblestones and when I looked up he was staring at me.
I started to feel funny all over again. What is it about that bloke?
"Where's your�gang?" he asked me.
"Uh, James and them?"
He nodded.
"I dunno. Home I guess."
His look immediately softened and he turned to me, eyes glittering, "Do you want to see something really cool?" he asked.
"Sure," I said, not sure at all.
He took my hand and led me in a sprint down the alley behind Ollivander's. We took a couple of turns and even had to jump over some old guy sleeping in the alleyway, but I hardly noticed over the sparks of electricity shooting up my arm.
He was holding my hand!!
Eventually we got to an old building with thick bars inside the windows. I pressed my face up against the glass and peered inside. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the dark interior, but eventually I could make out a big, gray shape moving around in there.
"What is it?" I asked. "An elephant?"
Severus snorted.
"Smellier," he said. "A troll."
I took a closer look, and sure enough, I could make out the shape of its hideous head and big, lumpy body.
"Cool!" I said, squishing my nose against the glass.
"I told you." He pressed in so he could see too, and suddenly, the beast inside of me that could feel his body pressing against mine replaced all thoughts of the beast inside the building.
I think if his hearing was keen enough, he may have actually heard a 'SPROING!' coming from the front of my trousers. And, of course, if he heard that, then he could also ear my heart start to thump like a madman too.
Severus turned his attention from the troll to me. I suppose I had some sort of crazy expression on my face, because he looked kind of confused and said, "What?"
I just shook my head and shrugged. What was I supposed to say? 'Kiss me?' To another guy? But then it was like he understood. His expression softened and he started looking from my eyes to my mouth and back again, and I couldn't stop staring at his mouth too. Our eyes locked for a moment, and I smelled something different. Hope? Desire? My whole body sort of tensed up and my mouth got all dry. I licked my lips nervously. Severus didn't really seem out of sorts at all. His eyes got all soft and glowy; he seemed relaxed and in control, and that made me feel a lot better.
He leaned toward me a little bit; I stood up a little straighter 'cause he's taller than me. I closed my eyes, and could feel his breath on my face; I could already feel his lips on mine in my anticipation. He put his hands on my shoulders and I tilted my head up, waiting to feel his mouth when-
"REMUS JOHN LUPIN!! WHAT THE HELL IS THE BIG IDEA RUNNING OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF DIAGON ALLEY WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A WORD TO ME??"
I think that if I hadn't had such a raging hard-on, I might have peed a bit in my keks right then. Suddenly, that troll was looking pretty friendly.
Mum marched over to me, grabbed me by my collar and dragged me back down the lane and I sort of shrugged back at Severus. He just smiled and nodded. Mothers. What can you do?

10th September
School has started again, and I never realized how this place has become my true home until I walked through the front gates, and the feeling settled around me like a mantle. It's all stone and iron; the dungeons are so damp that moss grows on the walls there, and Gryffindor tower is so dry that in mid-winter we all wake up with Triscuits in our noses. But the whole place just feels so right. Despite the coldness, there is a pervasive warmth of friends who are my new family, and I will miss this place dearly when we graduate.
I think, perhaps if I can convince the board to hire a Werewolf, it would be my dream to come back here one day and teach. That would be cool. Professor Lupin. Ha! It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
I don't share many classes with Severus this term, other than Transfiguration, so I've only seen his black head across the Great Hall or slinking along the corridors between classes. He's caught my eye a few times, and we've shared a smile or two, but we've yet to speak.

2nd October
Yesterday evening, James and Sirius were busy practicing Quidditch, so I decided to take advantage of my Prefect status and have a relaxing bath in the upstairs lavatory. It's nice and roomy in there; I can almost imagine I'm some rich baron or something, lounging in my huge country manor.
Once I got the enormous thing filled up, I shucked my robes and sank into the warm bubbly water. It felt so nice to just sit there and enjoy the warmth and quiet. I had the whole place to myself. Well, Moaning Myrtle came by for a moment and asked what my name was. I found that I bit odd, but so is she; I just figured she was the self-appointed loo police.
When the door opened a few minutes later, I was so drowsy that I didn't even look up. I hadn't been sleeping well since starting back at school and I think I might have dozed off a bit. I leaned back against the edge of the huge tub and took a deep relaxing breath. It smelled good in there, like mint and lavender and�Severus?
I sat up and jerked around and there he was, sitting cross legged behind me on the tile floor. I sunk down into the water to hide my ugly body, and tried to not look too surprised.
"Hello, Remus John Lupin," he said, smirking.
"Hi." I sank further down into the bubbles.
Severus eyed the vast room approvingly.
"Nice digs," he said nodding. "I see that there are advantages to being a Prefect, above and beyond harassing the other students."
"I don't harass the other students," I said defensively.
"Yes, pity."
He spied my Prefect badge sitting atop my discarded robes and snatched it up, turning it over in his long pale hands. It's funny, the badge has never really meant that much to me. I mean, I was glad when I got picked for prefect, and I thought my mum was going to do her fruit when the owl arrived with the official letter, but it really wasn't all that important to me in the whole scheme of things. I was just happy to be living a somewhat 'normal' life, going to school, having mates and such.
But watching Severus as he turned it over and over in his hands, admiring the weight of it, and the delicate scrolling around the border, I realized that for some people, it would have been very significant.
He held the badge up to his lapel and gave me a look to ask my permission.
"Knock yourself out," was my reply.
He got up and strode over to the large mirror by the sinks. After selecting the best area for placement he pinned it on and whipped around to face me. His whole face and demeanor had changed, and I swear he looked at least five inches taller.
"Mr. Lupin!" he growled, in a voice made from dark gravel and velvet, "how is it that you have found yourself in the Prefect's lavatory, after hours and without proper authorization?"
I opened and closed my mouth, dumbfounded.
"Twenty points from Gryffindor." He pointed to my crumpled robes. "And is this how you show respect to your school? Were I your Head of House, I would be more than pleased to teach you reverence with the back of my hand." He slapped his palms together for effect and locked his dark eyes on mine. "Another twenty House points." His nostrils flared and his pupils were dilated. His hair had become mussed and was covering part of his face. He was clearly enjoying this diatribe.
I wasn't sure if he was joking or serious, but the wild look in his eyes and the way he confidently was striding around the room, robes billowing behind him, was really turning me on. I snuck one hand down to my growing erection and wrapped my fingers around it, squeezing it lightly.
"Severus," I began.
"That's Mister Snape to you!" he snapped, "and I'll have none of your insolence! And as for you, Potter," he spat, speaking to the empty space beside me, "I will thank you to keep your impudence and worthless opinions to yourself. Fifty more points from Gryffindor." He strutted over to the edge of the tub and locked those wild black eyes on mine.
"Mr. Lupin," he hissed, and the sound went directly to my groin, "have you nothing to say in your own defense?" His chest heaved with his elevated breathing and he ran one hand down his torso, past his navel where it lingered over the bulge in his trousers. He continued to caress himself while looking at me with such unabashed confidence that my other hand somehow managed to find purchase on my erection as well.
"Well?" he purred. "Are you going to come out and take your punishment, or do I have to come in there and administer it to you?" His hands left the front of his trousers just long enough to un-tuck his shirttail from his pants and I saw a quick flash of the creamy white skin around his navel. I might have moaned then, I'm not sure, but in that brief vision of pale flesh I was lost in fantasies of rubbing my lips and tongue over it. Of licking and tasting him. Of engulfing him with my own body. That small square inch of skin was a vast countryside for me to explore, and I did not want to wait one more second to travel it. My hands worked even more vigorously over my throbbing boner and Severus smiled smugly, enjoying his effect on me, all the while rubbing the heel of his palm against his own hardness.
He unclasped his robes and loosened his tie; with arms crossed in front of him, he grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up and off. In the moment that it took him to navigate it over his head I drank in the pale smoothness of his skin. The way his narrow hips jutted over his low-slung trousers, his taut stomach, the dark trail of hair leading from his navel down to places just waiting to be discovered. He pulled his shirt free from his face and shook his dark hair from his eyes. A shudder went through me and my entire body clenched with desire for him.
"Holy Fuck Me!" I groaned appreciatively.
The corners of his mouth turned up in a smirk and he dropped his shirt. One hand crept back to the front of his pants and the other snaked up his abdomen to his chest and he stroked himself, gently teasing one nipple. "Oh, I intend to, Remus."
"Well, you'd better hurry, or it's going to be too late," I admitted.
Severus continued to hold my gaze as he brazenly touched himself.
"We're young," he purred. "I don't think it will be a problem to get you going again."
I was just about to take that as permission to let loose when Moaning Myrtle came flying out of one of the toilets with a resounding splash.
"Severus!" she sang in her whiny tone. "He's coming!"
"Who is?" he asked, clearly irritated at the intrusion.
"James is. And he's�hey!" she said eyeing the two of us, as well as his obvious excitement. "What were you two up to?"
"And he's what, Myrtle, what?"
"Oh!" she said, coming back to herself. "He's running, so you'd better hurry!"
Severus looked at me; fear, and more than a little disappointment quickly replaced his confidence.
"Go." I said.
He did.
I was in a foul, foul mood when James banged through the door a moment later, huffing and out of breath from his sprint. What the hell was wrong with him anyway, that he had to always be poking his nose into my business? I was just about to give him a piece of my mind when he finally caught his breath and looked up at me. My stomach dropped. He had been crying, and I knew it was bad. Very bad.
"Sirius. He's hurt. They don't�" His voice caught and he stopped.
I grabbed my things and we ran down to the infirmary.

3rd October
I was right, it was bad. There was some sort of accident during Quidditch practice; Sirius was knocked from his broom and fell thirty feet into the stands. He'd broken both his legs, several fingers, two vertebrae, and a good part of his face. His beautiful, beautiful face.
Dumbledore, Wormy, and Madam Pomfrey were there when James and I arrived, and we had to wait until we could see him. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest was stiff and my lungs hurt. When I turned to James so he could tell me that everything would be all right, the look in his eyes said it all. He was scared, and that made me scared too. Eventually we were let in, and it was horrible to see Sirius like that. Pomfrey had given him some sort of potion to keep him asleep so that he wouldn't thrash around while his bones knitted back together, but it made him seem�dead. His legs were wrapped and placed in splints, and there was still a lot of blood matted in his hair. His blankets were pulled up to his chest, and the bruises were already starting to color on his skin. It wasn't fair. I was supposed to be the ugly scarred up one. Not him.
Dumbledore gave me a pat on the head (why does everyone do that?) and a sad smile.
"Don't worry, young Remus; he's in good hands."
But I did worry. I worried a lot. What if he never got better? What if he died? We had our differences, but Sirius was my first real friend in the entire world. He was funny, smart, popular, and fun. In short, he was everything I ever wanted to be, and I didn't want to imagine a world without him.
Peter was falling apart, crying and having a hissy fit so, after giving me a look to see if I would be okay alone, James dragged him up to the dorm.
I just stood beside the bed for a moment, listening to Sirius's jagged breathing. He was sort of half snoring because of his broken nose; it was just so unlike him to be weak and out of control that it hurt my heart to see him this way.
"Hey Dog Breath," I said softly, "you don't look so hot."
I reached out to touch him, but there didn't seem to be much skin that wasn't hurt. I settled for his left forearm. I leaned in close and breathed him in. He was adrenaline, danger and sweat. I brushed my lips across his cheek, careful not to hurt him more.
"You're going to be okay, mate. Honest. I'm going to stay here until you wake up. Marauder's swear."
And I tried, I really did, but at around four in the morning, I just couldn't sit still. I was so hyped up and nervous that I had to get out of there. 'Just for a minute,' I told myself. 'I'll just go for a minute.' But two hours later, I was still out in the Forbidden Forest, running. It was cool, and the mist was intoxicating. The leaves were wet with dew, and the tree branches whipped me in the face; the pain felt good. It meant I was alive. I pretended I was chasing something, but I felt like I was running away from something else.
When I got back to the castle, Sirius hadn't moved, and I hoped he couldn't tell that I had gone.

5th October
Sirius is starting to stir. Madam Pomfrey is still keeping him knocked out, but he's fighting it, and that's a good sign. James tried to get me to leave him today, but I refused. A promise is a promise. I want to be there when he wakes up. I want to tell him that I'm sorry we've been at odds; that things will be okay between us again. And the funny thing is, even though I haven't slept for a couple of days, I feel pretty good. I'm all revved up. I think my midnight forest forays are keeping me sane.

6th October
Last night in the forest, I could have sworn I saw Severus. He was always just a bit out of my reach, but I would catch a glimpse of his black cape and a hint of his scent, and it motivated me to run faster. But it seemed no matter how quickly I went, he was always just a bit ahead of me.
Eventually I got a stitch and had to stop. As I lay in the leaves, panting for breath and staring up at the stars, I felt hope. Maybe tonight he would wake up and be alright.
When I got back to the hospital wing it was quiet. Pomfrey was gone for the evening, so I pulled over a chair and tried to sit, but I was too agitated to stay still. My heart was still beating a mile a minute and my whole world was sort of vibrating. Lack of sleep, I guess. Sirius was looking better, so I held his hand and talked to him a bit. Although he did flutter his eyes a couple of times, he was as out as he'd ever been. I was contemplating going out for another run when Severus arrived.
I was so overjoyed to see him that I ran over and gave him a big hug. He staggered back with the force of it, but eventually hugged me back.
"How's your friend?" he asked, extricating himself from my grip and making his way over to the bed.
"Let's play chase!" I cried, enthusiastically.
His brow furrowed and he looked me up and down.
"When was the last time you slept?"
"C'mon, run!" I said, and I gave him a push to get him going. He stumbled but immediately righted himself, so I pushed him again. "Let me catch you!"
Severus grabbed my wrists.
"Not now, Remus. You're in no condition to be chasing anyone."
"I'm fine," I said, but I think I may have swayed a bit. Severus narrowed his eyes and charmed a bed over beside Sirius', motioning for me to get in.
"I'm not tired," I said, and it was sort of true. I was past tired. I was past knackered, fatigued, and exhausted. I was a bundle of coiled-up springs, running on fumes alone.
"Sproing!" I said, laughing hysterically.
Severus gave me a smile reserved only for the mentally infirm, then got on the bed and opened his arms for me to join him. I grudgingly did. I climbed onto his lap and laid my head on his chest. He stroked my hair and I let myself sink in to him.
"You feel good," I said.
"You smell terrible," he replied.
"Fuck you."
I snuggled into him a bit more and inhaled. Funny, I couldn't smell him at all. I guess my sniffer was already napping. I looked over to the other bed where Sirius was snoring and I felt all filled up with love.
"He's beautiful, isn't he?" I asked, all dewy.
Severus followed my gaze.
"Yeah, he is�if you're in to that sort of thing."
"Yeah," I said. I was.
The next thing I remember is voices. Talking above me. I was having trouble understanding them.
"Now see here, you don't own him. He is his own person and he can make his own choices."
"He's young and confused and you're not helping matters. Stay away from him."
"Well, you're not willing to give him what he wants from you."
There was a shocked silence.
"He does NOT want that from me!"
"Come off it, Black. Have you seen the way he looks at you?"
"I know what your plans are with him, you pervert; I swear to God if you so much as touch him again I will kill you."
"Oh, so you can de-flower half the student body, and somehow I'm a pervert?"
"Mark my words, Snivelly. I will kill you. And I don't mean haha kill you; I mean I will lure you off school property and kill you."
"Your name, your family and your pathetic threats don't frighten me." Severus stroked my hair and I sighed.
"Hey, hey! Stop fighting!" I tried to say, but my mouth wasn't connected to my brain anymore; I'm sure it came out completely unintelligible.
Severus' arms held me more tightly.
"Shh! You'll wake him," he hissed, then kissed the top of my head.
"I said leave him alone, pervert!"
Somebody grabbed me, Sirius I suppose, and then I was falling. Down and down and down until I hit the bottom and tasted blood. I tried to get up but I couldn't figure out where 'up' was. Then I was being lifted and Madam Pomfrey was making me drink something. I opened my eyes and Sirius was looking down at me. My beautiful Sirius.
I leaned up and kissed him on the mouth.

9th October
Now it's Saturday, and I'm really confused about what happened over the last couple of days.
I woke up in the Shrieking Shack alone and naked; while that's not entirely abnormal, I usually remember going in there, and I don't this time.
I suppose that they brought me in there while I was still sleeping after my manic episode in the hospital wing. Wow, I've always been a crummy sleeper but I've never stayed awake for four days in a row before. I don't even want to think about all the classes I've missed and the homework that has been piling up.
I looked around for my robes, but all I could find were little shredded bits of fabric. I seem to have done quite a number on myself this time too, because my hands and arms are pretty chewed up. They hurt a bunch, but not nearly as much as Sirius's arms did, I'm sure.
Oh crap. Did I kiss him? Or did I dream that? It must have been a dream, because I don't fancy him that way. I mean, sure, he's good looking. He's probably the best-looking bloke in the whole school, but we're just mates. Nothing more. And did Severus really visit me? I hate being confused like this.
So, with nothing to wear, there wasn't much to do except wait for someone to come and get me. God, I hate being naked. I hate looking at myself, let alone having anyone else see me this way. I mean, James and them have seen me, of course, but they know why I look so gross, so it's not as big a deal. I just sat there, with my arse on the cold floor, until James came to get me.
He looked so sad when he saw me, and I got scared again.
"What is it?" I asked, not wanting to know. "Is it Sirius? Is he alright?"
James shook his head. "Sirius is fine. It's YOU I'm worried about." He looked around the room for my robes, and when I pointed to the tattered mess in the corner, he unclasped his own robes and threw them to me. They were much too long and pooled on the floor around me, but I was grateful to be covered up.
"I'm not sure what happened," I said truthfully. "I guess I really cocked things up, eh?" I wrung my bloodied hands together and James knelt in front of me to examine them.

He turned them over in his hands and when he was satisfied that I wasn't going to bleed to death he clasped them in his own and stared me in the face. "You haven't cocked anything up, Moon. The things that are going on aren't your fault and I don't want you stressing yourself over them, okay?"
I didn't believe him, but I nodded anyway. He put his arm around me and led me out the door. I still needed to know about the kiss.
"Prongs?"
"Hmm?"
"Did, erm, did Sirius�say anything to you?"
James stiffened, but kept walking.
"Say anything about what?" he asked.
"About me?"
His jaw tightened and that was my answer.
"No," he lied. "Not anything I can think of."
"Oh."
Crap. It hadn't been a dream. We walked the rest of the way in silence.

13th October
Severus came to me again last night. There was no moon, so I was not aware of his presence until he was already lying beside me.
He nuzzled my jaw and kissed at my throat. My hands found his chest and slipped down to his waist.
"Did you bring your snake?" I asked, relishing his hot breath on my neck.
"No," he said, sitting up. "I brought something better." He was hiding something in his robes. He reached inside them and pulled out a little black-eyed rabbit. My nose filled with the scent of it. "Go ahead," he said, "I brought it for you." The bunny hopped from his hands onto my bed, and then to the floor. I tried to stop myself; I truly did. But the bunny twitched its little nose and stood on its cute little hind legs, sniffing the air.
I pounced.
I grabbed the rabbit and ripped out its throat with my teeth. Blood spilled down my chin and bubbled, hot and sticky down my throat. I turned back to Severus, the lifeless body in my hands, but he didn't bat an eyelash.

"I don't think it's broken," he said. " Potions are more my thing, but I think I might like to be a Healer when I graduate. I can fix it for you if you like."
"Really?" I asked. I looked down, but the rabbit was gone and instead I was holding my throbbing prick in my hands. He eyed me hungrily, and I went to him. He put his hands on my waist and ran them down my thighs and back up again. He looked up at me with a wry smile on his face, and I willed him to take me into his mouth.
"Remus, are you all right?" he asked, in James' voice.
"Severus?" I asked, confused.
"No, mate, it's me, James."
I opened my eyes, and James was kneeling beside my bed, the morning light streaming through the windows. I groaned and rolled over, away from his inquisitive face.
"You were, uh�moaning in your sleep."
I put my hands over my face. I was too horrified to think straight. And I was pretty sure I had said 'Severus' out loud. Oh for fuck's sake, was there any other way that he could interpret that? I was sooo busted.
When I didn't reply, he kind of patted my shoulder and said, "Okay then. I'll see you downstairs."
I grunted my agreement and prayed for him to leave.
Life had most definitely gone pear-shaped.
I contemplated staying in my room for the rest of the day, but decided to bite the bullet and go down to eat. Having everyone coming up and checking on me would never do.
Breakfast was a fairly quiet affair. Sirius was sort of sullen; Peter was busy shoving more bangers in his pie hole, and James seemed to be somewhere else altogether. I wasn't about to start a conversation with anyone, so I just hunched over my eggs and pushed them around on my plate. I felt just miserable. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but instead, I sat there and pretended to not hate myself.
Jeffrey Grieves came over to pass me back some homework I had lent to him, and while he asked me about some of my answers I could hear James whispering to Sirius. I tried to ignore them and talk to Jeffrey, but their conversation got more and more heated. Jeffrey bade me goodbye, and I went back to my breakfast.
"Snape?!" Sirius barked, and James smacked his shoulder and told him to shush.
I could feel a blush creeping into my cheeks, and I slunk further down in my chair. Sirius peered around James at me, but I kept my eyes on my congealing eggs. At least the weekend would be better. A Hogsmeade trip was scheduled and most of the school would be going. I would fake another migraine and skive off. Spending a whole day without a million prying eyes seemed like heaven.

20th October
Yay, no dreams for two whole days� at least, none that I can remember. Faking a headache wasn't hard because it wasn't far from the truth. Part of not dreaming for me has been not sleeping. I've been terrified of talking in my sleep again, and stuffing a sock in my mouth doesn't make for restful slumber. So consequently, I feel like a bag of shit.
I waited until most everyone had left before I made my way down for breakfast; the Hall was practically deserted. My appetite was halfway back, so I gorged myself on bacon and eggs. I looked around the hall for Severus, and was both relieved and disappointed to not find him. I assumed he went to Hogsmeade with the others.
After breakfast I wandered around the grounds for a while, but it was a typical English spring morning�damp and cloudy with a biting wind, so I went back up to the dormitory for a mid-morning kip.
The room was warm and quiet, and my bed felt like a pile of feathers. I sank down into it, secure in the knowledge that no one would overhear anything my sleeping self might have to say. I dozed off almost immediately.
When I woke up it was beginning to get dark out, and I had been drooling so much that my pillow was stuck to my cheek. I rolled over and was rubbing my sleepy face when I caught sight of something black and shiny out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and had to stifle a yell when I realized whom it was.
"Bloody hell! You scared the shit out of me!"
Severus just raised an eyebrow, as if it were perfectly normal for him to be perched on the edge of my bed. I raked my hands through my unkempt hair, thinking that I must look a mess, (more than usual, that is), especially compared to Severus, who always seems perfectly buttoned up, almost prim.
I willed my thumping, panicked heart to slow down, but with him sitting there staring at me with those dark, dark eyes, it seemed unlikely.
"How�how did you get in here?" I asked.
A small sneer played on his lips. "Gryffindors aren't the only ones with knowledge of secret passages and tunnels."
"Oh," I answered stupidly. I suddenly felt naked in just my pajama top and boxer shorts. We stared at each other for what felt like a hundred years before I dropped my gaze. My night of chasing him through the woods seemed very far away. Tonight, I felt tired, small, and nervous. I looked up at him and he was still staring at me, completely unruffled.
"What do you want?"
"You," he said, eyeing me up and down; I felt myself begin to hyperventilate.

He kicked off his shoes and crawled toward me. I leaned back on my elbows, putting as much space between us as I could, but he closed the gap really quickly. He gently caressed the small scar above my eye, and then put his lips to it in a whisper-soft kiss. I moaned. He pushed me back on the bed and I obediently lay down.
"I'm�I've never�"
He shook his head at me and I shut my mouth. He began to unbutton my pajama top and his eyes widened more as each button opened and the scarred roadmap of my chest became more and more exposed. When he reached the last button and spread my shirt apart, he gave a low whistle as he appraised my mutilated torso.
"What on earth happened to you?"
"I cut myself shaving," I answered, squeezing my eyes shut. I have felt ugly my whole life, and knowing how perfect his creamy white skin was beneath his black robes made me feel even more like damaged goods. Severus' expression didn't change; he just continued to look at me.
"If�if you don't want to�I understand," I said, realizing that the whole thing was a terrible mistake anyway.
Severus smiled and climbed on top, straddling me. He took one long, pale finger and traced a silver scar from where it began, just under my chin, down under my nipple, and across my ribs to where it ended. He then leaned down and traced the same scar with his lips, kissing the raised, jagged skin, and breathing warmly against my abdomen. His hands were soft, firm, electric; his lips felt so beautiful against my hideous, repulsive body. When he finished tracing the first scar down past my hip, he found another one that criss-crossed it and followed it back up to my throat.
And what did I do while this confounding, enigmatic man was kissing and licking my body? Did I moan and grunt like a proper caveman? Did I talk dirty to him? No. I cried.
And not man-cried. This was ugly, body-wrenching-rivers-of-snot-and-tears-cried. I'm not sure why, but it just felt so wonderful to be touched. I don't think even my own mother ever touched those scars, and there was Severus treating them like they were a beautiful part of who I was. He encircled me in his arms and I blubbered all over his nice clean robes. I'm sure he threw them in the fire as soon as he got back to his room, and who could blame him? Grotty!

Anyway, I eventually got my girly-self under control, and he was nice enough to wait until I was ready; then he kissed me, fully on the lips. Let me tell you, no offense to Emma Plucklower, but kissing him made my time with her seem like snogging my great auntie May.
His lips were so hot and alive; his tongue teased mine to follow it back into his mouth, where he sucked on it sharply, then released it, allowing it to explore elsewhere. His hands pressed against the back of my head, pushing my mouth deeper into his. My own hands tangled in his black hair, and I pulled down, forcing his head up so I could lick and kiss his neck.
He ground his hips into mine, and I groaned into his shoulder. I was just about cross-eyed with desire, but I had to come clean before this went any further.

"Severus," I panted, "I have a confession."
"You're gay?" he quipped, nipping at my earlobe.
"No, I'm serious," I said, just as he put his hand between my legs, and this time I more than moaned.
"You're Sirius?" he asked, running his smooth fingers down my length. "Funny, you feel like Remus to me." He wrapped his fingers around my shaft and I cried out.
"Moony? Are you okay in there?" It was James. We both froze in an odd plateau of desire and terror. It might have been funny if it weren't so tragic. Severus grabbed his wand and tapped it on his head, mumbling something I didn't quite catch. I watched in amazement as he practically blended into the sheets. It was brill! He really is quite a clever wizard.
"Remus? Can I come in?"
I slapped a pillow over Severus' barely-visible head and leaned back on it.
"Erm, yeah, sure."
James parted the curtains and sat on the edge of my bed. I realized my shirt was open, so I hastily covered myself up. James gave me an odd look, and I attempted a smile. I'm sure I looked every bit the slapper I was, messed-up hair, flushed cheeks, and no doubt, red, swollen lips.
"I, uh, I got you something in Hogsmeade." He handed me a crumpled paper bag. "It's nothing much, just some Chocolate Frogs and a pack of Every-Flavor Beans."
"Thanks," I said, opening the bag and popping a couple of beans into my mouth. James looked at me expectantly and I couldn't help but smile for real. "Nope, just toffee and um�caramel apple?" I offered the bag to him and he reached in for a couple for himself. He chewed on them, eyebrows knitted together and then laughed out loud.
"I don't know," he said, spitting them out and shaking his head. "Swamp water and skunk?" I laughed as James fixed his eyes on me, a sad smile playing on his lips. "We're worried about you, Moon."
"Yeah, I know," I said, tracing the pattern on my bedspread. He touched the bruise above my eye, where Severus had been kissing me just moments before, then pulled me into a quick, unexpected hug.
I didn't even have time to hug him back before he let go and was on his feet. "I'm going down for something to eat�you coming?"
"Yeah, I'll be right there," I said, feeling decidedly guilty.
He had just about left the room when he noticed the white trainers beside the bed.
"Hey, did you get new shoes?" He stopped and picked them up, examining them.
"Me? I, erm, no." Good gravy, I've been lying my whole life, you'd think I'd be a bit better at it by now. "I think they're Peter's."
"No. Peter's shoes are never this clean, even when they're new." He tucked them under his arm and left the room.
I groaned and leaned back on the bed. I felt for Severus' almost-invisible lump, but he was already gone.

23rd October
James did an Ownership Charm on the shoes and now no one is talking to each other. James and Sirius had a massive row last night, and they won't even sit next to each other now. I've never known them to not get along, and I feel horrible that I'm at the crux of it. Sirius is so pissed off that he won't look at me; every time that I've tried to initiate conversation with him, he just gets up and leaves. Peter's in a tizzy, because his whole world is upside down with us lot fighting, and James�well, James is just plain old disappointed. Every time he looks at me, it's with these sad, tired eyes, and it guts me. I feel so guilty. I swear he'll make a great father one day. It would almost be easier if he would just yell at me and get it over with, but he won't. It's just not like him.
I haven't seen Severus all week except in passing, and I feel sort of empty. I can't say that I'm lonely, because even though we're not talking, the guys won't leave me alone for even a minute.

1st November
Severus sent me a note in Transfiguration today. It said to meet him Saturday down by Hagrid's hut. Of course, Saturday I'll be locked up in the Shrieking Shack, waiting to transform. Crap. I mouthed 'I can't' to him, and he scrunched up his eyebrows in a perfect pantomime of 'Why?' I just shrugged and

shook my head. Because I'm becoming a werewolf? Not!

7th November
Well, it's over.
My secret is out and my life will probably never be the same again. The only good thing, I suppose, is that no one died. Although I wish I had. Madam Pomfrey brought me to the Shrieking Shack around six o'clock; I sat around, doing revisions and waiting for the moon to come out. It was pretty boring, really, but it always is, so I was past caring.
Anyway, at about seven o'clock the trapdoor popped open, and I was pleasantly surprised that maybe Prongs had come early to visit, but it wasn't James; it was Severus. I was gobsmacked! How the hell? He flashed me a big smile and gave me a hug.
"I'm glad you had a change of heart," he whispered to my neck. Huh?
He kissed me and it was like we were right back in my room and nothing had changed. He pressed against me and I could feel his hardness pushing against my own growing bulge.
"I got your note," he said, sticking his tongue in my ear. Severus slipped his hands beneath my robes he was pleasantly surprised to find me naked underneath.
"Merlin's teeth!" he exclaimed. "Is it my birthday?"
Aware of the time, and what would soon transpire, I tried to push him away.
"What note?" I said, trying to catch my breath.
"Your note. That you'd be here waiting. Sirius gave it to me." His hands explored my chest, and then went lower.
"Severus, I didn't�we can't�"
"Honestly, Remus, you are entirely too shy." He slid to his knees and parted my robes.
"No, Severus, you don't understand, I'm going to�"
He wrapped his lips around my cock and all protestations stopped. His mouth was warm and wet, and oh, so firm. My knees threatened to give out and I grabbed his head for support. He sucked me in, and then withdrew, with just a hint of teeth; I gasped and held his head more firmly, twisting my fingers in that silken black hair. The pressure and friction were exquisite, and I could sense myself losing control. I could also sense something else.
My transformation was beginning.
I tried to push him away, but he grasped my hips firmly, pushing me even further into his mouth. Oh God! I was going to come, and Become all at the same time. I moaned and gasped; he took it as a signal to go faster and harder.
"Please�" I begged, meaning for him to stop, but my body had other ideas. I pulled his head closer and plunged myself into him. I cried out as the beast within began to tear its way out, and my balls tucked up under me, ready to spill their load.
I let out a low growl that under different circumstances might have been sexy, but the intensity of it scared me. One more thrust down that maddeningly snug throat and I climaxed, shuddering and quivering as that wonderful mouth wrung out every last drop.
"Please leave," I begged, trying to fight the transformation.
"Well, that's a hell of a thank you." Severus wiped his mouth and looked up at me. Then his eyes widened and his jaw dropped open with terror and surprise. I must have changed even more than I had thought.
He fell back and scrambled away from me. Watching him scurry away made me salivate, and then the smell hit me like a slap in the face. Fear. It permeated the entire room, and I breathed it in like perfume.
"Run," I said, in a voice not my own. My little black-eyed bunny rabbit twitched his nose, and I pounced. He rolled away; all I caught was his cape. It gave a satisfying 'riiiip', and I was left chewing on cotton. Severus clamored under the table and tipped it over, using it as a shield. I could hear his heart pounding in his chest, and I could practically taste his blood in the back of my throat.
I slowly slunk around to the other side of the overturned desk and gave a sniff. He was making a tiny whimpering sound in the back of his throat and it made me hungry. Good little bunny. I popped my head up over the top of the table and roared. He screamed and hopped over the desk, running to the other side of the room. I deftly leapt over the desk and made up the space between us in two strides. I grabbed him by the ankle and shook him like a rat. His boot came off in my mouth and again, he scurried away, this time to the far side of the room.
I tossed the boot aside with one flick of my snout and slowly descended on him. He had pressed himself flat against the wall, but he had nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. I took my time, slowly stalking him, listening to him whine and whimper and beg. Sorry bunny rabbit, no mercy tonight; the wolf is hungry.
Suddenly, the trapdoor popped open and another human emerged. Excellent, the more the merrier. But then, the human was gone and a great stag appeared where he had been. Prongs! Finally! I jumped on the stag and wrestled him to the ground. He gave me a playful kick and I growled at him, snapping my teeth and good-naturedly nipping at the fur on his neck. Severus screamed again, and I remembered that he was there. I turned back to him, but Prongs blocked my way. I tried to push him aside, but he lowered his head and used his antlers to hinder me. He forced me back against the wall and pinned me there.
Severus took the opportunity to dive through the trapdoor to safety. I didn't care. Prongs had come to play with me.
I guess the transformation was complete after that, because that's all I remember.
8th November
And again in my life, it was Dumbledore to the rescue.
I can't tell you how it pains me to have to involve him like this. I tried to give my letter of resignation to the school so that no one else could ever get hurt, but the Headmaster would hear none of it. He was very disappointed, especially in Sirius. I think that's the only time I have ever seen Sirius cry. I think he really does feel badly about his part in this. It is going to take me a long, long time to forgive him. I know that deep down he's a good mate, but I almost killed Severus because of his stupid prank. And let me tell you, people would have remembered that I, Remus the werewolf, killed Severus and not that Black, the prankster, did it. I don't know what would have happened if James had not arrived when he did. I mean, of course, I KNOW what would have happened to my black-eyed little bunny rabbit, but afterwards? I think suicide would have been my only option. I have never hurt or killed anyone in my transformed state, and I pray that I never do. It is a cross that I will bear until my dying day.
And Severus? Poor Severus. That black cloud that seemed to follow him around parted only briefly; now it is back with a vengeance. I did try to apologize, but there isn't exactly a Hallmark card for this type of occasion.
'My most sincere apologies for almost disemboweling you and devouring your entrails.'
Severus was absent for almost a week after the 'Shrieking Shack Incident', but I caught sight of him on the grounds on Friday coming back from Advanced Herbology. As usual, he was alone, head down; I waited behind a bush until he was close enough to hear me.
"Severus," I stage whispered, and his head whipped up as he looked around. "It's me." I leaned around the bush so he could see me, but I made no move towards him.
His eyes flew open in shock before the familiar sneer and mistrust settled in. I was so nervous I wasn't sure I'd be able to open my mouth to apologize without puking all over him, but I managed to croak out a weak "I'm sorry."
Something flashed in his eyes, but he hid it quickly and I tentatively reached out one shaky hand to touch his robes. He recoiled, and I immediately registered what the look had been, because it returned tenfold.
I could have handled fear and understood anger, but his revulsion was a shock that I was not ready for. I was disgusting to him.
Repulsive.
Sub-human.
"Don't touch me," he hissed. "Don't ever touch me."
I nodded mutely, blinking back tears.
"Why you would have thought," he continued, "there could be something between us is beyond me. You're cursed." He looked me up and down. "You're tainted," he spat, "and you lied."
I continued to nod. He was right.
I was damaged goods.
Unlovable.
I mouthed my apology again, but no words came out. Just a whisper, as weak and insignificant as I was.
A handsome, dark haired boy appeared beside Severus (Rudolphus, I think.) He eyed me questioningly, then turned his attention to Severus.
"Who's this?"
Severus considered a moment and I held my breath.
"Nobody."
He turned to his new friend and they walked together across the grounds toward the castle.
I deserved it. I really did. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
It was almost funny in a way, that the one person who could make my heart race so frantically could also crush it and discard it so flippantly, like yesterday's trash.
I stood there for some time, ensnared in my own sorrow, until a wet nose nudged my hand. I was too numb to react, but it continued to push at my hand until I patted the angular head. He rubbed up against me, whining and demanding more.
I fell to my knees and put my arms around his thick neck.
"He's gone, Dog Breath," I sobbed, and Padfoot licked the tears from my face. I grabbed great handfuls of black fur and buried my face in it. He stood there patiently while I purged the hurt and guilt that had been welling up inside me.
I was still furious at Sirius. ** Ha, that rhymes!** I hadn't forgiven him and he knew that, but he also knew that I needed him, and for that I'm grateful.
I'm thankful for all of my friends. In some ways I'm the luckiest bloke in all of Hogwarts
I fear that Severus may never trust another again, and I weep for the part that I played in that. I think, given enough time, that I could have loved him. But no longer. Here, in this diary, I do solemnly swear to never love another human being as long as I live. The risks are too great, and the losses too heavy to bear. This is not a cross. It is a choice. That is the wonderful thing about my life. I did not choose to become a werewolf, but I can chose to become a responsible human being. Perhaps, because I am un-human for a period every month, it makes me more human for the rest of the time.
I can only hope.
The End.
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Hungry Like the Wolf