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Can Someone Hand Me A Hangover Potion, Please?	By : gldnlqr Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 2819 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't Mine. Never will be. Not making any money from writing this, thus why my mother is so peeved. Hehe.

Chapter List
- 1-MHHCSHMAHPP
- 2-A New Point Of View
- 1
- 2
My Head Hurts, Can Someone Hand Me A Hangover Potion, Please?
Summary: Recently, Severus Snape has noticed his life is going to hell in a hand basket. Harry Potter has noticed that his life is just as messed up. When the two finally get together, what can happen but sparks flying? Oh, and Ron getting slapped by Hermione, but that's later, kids.
Warnings: Slashyness...Slightly Graphic...ish...Hehe. Um...Craziness...sane craziness, but crazy nonetheless. No beta in sight...*le gasp* Kinda in tune with Half-Blood Prince, only in a generalized, need the plot sense. But there are several HBP spoilers, so. But other than that, forget the last book, in my world there is no last book. Oh! Snarkyness. Mine and Snape's lol.
Changes from HBP-and previous books: There was no Harry/Ginny. Love them, but sorry, I keep imagining the horrors of Harry marrying his mom's clone and my mind fizzes. Besides, it doesn't fit my plot!!! Stupid plot. Anyway, Sirius did kinda die, but only in a "ouch, wtf, oh, hi Rem, why is Harry writhing on the floor? Oh! I said a long word! Snivvi would just die!" BTW, Remus and Sirius are currently, in my story (unsaid so far), off on a island for a long-needed vaca, banging each other senseless in a cover story of 'spying'. KK? Coolness. Harry did NOT return the HBP's potions book. This will show for a mo later. Remember! Hmmm...Nothing else so far. Maybe I'll add to later changes as my story decides to add them. K?
Pairings: Snape/Potter, also known as Snarry and a load of other things...Hermione/Ron...duhish, much? Um...Remus/Sirius. Previous Dumbledore/Minerva, previous Draco/Pansy. Others Later. Will be cool! Keep watching up here for new ones to pop up!
AN (Author's Notes): Wow. Just started randomly writing and it's already taken on a life of it's own. It doesn't wanna follow in my lead, it insists on morphing every chance it gets! At least I'm not complaining. It's kinda interesting for even me to read, at this point. I still love the title. I'd love to see if anyone can guess where it came from, lol. By the way, just to say, I post first on Fanfiction.net, then come over here.
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Chapter 1
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Joke Of The Day:
If someone has split personalities and threatens suicide,
Does it become a hostage situation?
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So hard to see myself
Without him
I felt a piece of my heart break
But when you're standing at a crossroad
There's a choice you have to make
I guess its gonna have to hurt
I guess I'm gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side
I guess it's gonna have to hurt-?
Severus Snape was having a good dream. What a shock.
Hands roamed up his arms, and twined around his neck. Those hot lips descended upon his own and he sighed. Oh, yes.
After trying to devour his mouth, he then found himself miraculously on a very comfortable bed. Hmmm... The hands and lips traveled downward and all he could do was close his eyes, clench his hands into fists in their hair and breathe. Oh...So nice. He could feel their smirk as his pants came flying off and he gasped, his eyes flying open to look down. The only thing he saw before they swallowed him whole was a taunting grin and flashing eyes.
His eyes flew open in shock and no slight amount of disgust at himself. Could I be any sicker? Severus mused, eyeing himself in ire. He's only sixteen for Merlin's sake. Soon seventeen, His mind chimed. But he had a retort. Oh! And he hates me!
He rolled out of bed and snorted as his left forearm suddenly burned. Another perfect day as a fugitive death eater, no doubt about it. All he needed now was a theme song and he'd be a bloody cliche'.
Severus strolled out of the bathroom a few minutes later in immaculate condition, as always. Yes. Absolutely. Perfectly immaculate even when Potter almost killed me, wasn't I? He shook his head and rolled his neck, a smooth crack sounding and he sighed, before heading out. He absently nodded at those he passed, all other death eaters, of course.
Since Albus' death, he had dramatically risen in ranks. Enough to keep his godson alive, at least, even though the brat had failed, Draco had gotten the others in. And that had saved him.
As for himself, Severus was living the high life as Voldemort's top death eater, his second hand, his trusted adviser and his master potion's maker. Which worked in Severus' opinion, as it allowed him to slowly poison the monster from the inside out. The rest was just frosting, as far as he was concerned. It allowed him to learn more than ever before, but Merlin only knew if Potter was heeding the anonymous letters he sent weekly. Doubt it, somehow. Maybe because so far, all his warnings had been ignored, as evidenced by the successful raids.
He reached the throne room and nodded at the guard before being let in. He bowed in front of his lord and stood tall and proud, one of the only people in the room allow to do so. His lord sat, bored, allowing his servants to make their daily reports with hardly any punishments. He's in a good mood today. He mused silently.
As if sensing his thoughts, Voldemort turned to Severus and nodded. Severus came forward and knelt, "Yes, my lord." He asked.
Voldemort, once Tom Riddle, smirked, "How is the restoration potion coming along, Severus?" He asked, no dramatic hiss in his voice.
Severus' lips twitched slightly, an almost half-smirk, "Perfectly, my lord. It should be completed by the end of the week."
Voldemort nodded, "Very good." He looked amongst the others and snarled, "Why don't you idiots learn? Severus at least does not incur my wrath. He amongst you all is my most trusted and he has, unlike some," With that he glanced at Malfoy Sr. "Has kept my regard of him high." The man turned monster then smiled, something ugly and yet masterful. He stood and turned to Severus. Then, in front of all, offered the kneeling man his hand.
Gasps filled the Throne room, then silence. Severus' eyes widened slightly. What? You missed a lot, while you were off in Harry Potter land, His mind provided smugly. Like what?! He found himself shocked. Bu...uh... Voldemort was....treating him as....an equal?
He silently and slightly nervously took the snake's hand, allowing himself to be pulled up and to the creature's side. Voldemort then turned to the crowd, "I will only say this once." He announced suddenly into the silence. "I am aware that even with the restoration spell, I will only have at most, thirty years yet to live. Thus, I am appointing a heir." The silence turned stunned. Nothing like this had been mentioned. NOTHING. Voldemort enjoyed the stunned faced before turning to look at Severus, who looked shell shocked.
Voldemort smirked gently, "Severus," He began softly. The man in question jolted, and looked him in the eye before nodding. "Yes, my lord?"
Voldemort felt a true smile on his face, "Not your lord anymore, Severus." With that quiet sentence, he turned to reface the Death Eaters. "Severus Snape will be my heir. His will is mine and his judgments mine." His eyes narrowed, "Should any be found in any way trying to harm my heir or plotting against him, the punishment is Death." With that final announcement, Voldemort sat back down, assured that he had just reassured his name in history and his servants' shock.
Severus fell on his bed rather ungraciously. Heir? Him? No way. His mind intervened. Annoyingly using an American term, but it actually fitted the occasion, so he couldn't find fault in it. Well, might as well get used to it. We are screwed. Perfectly and immaculately screwed. Well, damn.
We can still kill him slowly, you know. It won't be hard. Oh! And maybe, since we are now the heir, we can take over and slap some hands and tell them they all have to be good now! Silence. Or we could actually do something non-suicidal and think for a moment? I thought we were? Yes, but not rationally. I think at least one if not both of us are in shock at the moment. Really? That does kinda explain the light headedness.
Severus snorted. Oh yes, he was as sane as Voldemort today. First that dream from Hades and now this. He wondered some days if he wasn't just dreaming the whole thing. From the blood oath on out. Just a dream? Or a harsh reality that would no doubt end in him getting eaten by Nagini?
He sighed and cleared his head slowly. As he sorted the day into organized sections, he wasn't surprised to slowly find himself drifting off to sleep. Maybe in sleep, he would find some answers?
He hadn't. The next day found him writing his weekly letter. This time, he ground his teeth as he wrote it.
Harry Potter
You have been ignoring my warnings for far too long now. If I have not proven my worth to you yet, I do not see what I can do to prove such a thing.
You Incompetent bumbling idiot... will receive one last warning from me as to the next Death Eater Raid, at great cost to my own safety and sanity, as well as recent news that may help with your tiring, idiotic, but necessary quest.
The next raid will be the worst yet, the minor target will be Hogsmede, but the major target and my main worry is Hogwarts. In three days from me writing this, those two will be under attack by every force You-Know-Who can get a hold of. I only hope this can get to you wherever you are in time to prevent the unnecessary deaths of countless annoying, frustrating children.
My current news is of HIS heir. He has appointed himself an heir from among his most trusted servants. Severus Snape yours truly scared and frustrated and annoyed and horrified and desperate and... was appointed You-Know-Who's Successor and Apprentice. Merlin, help me, Harry, please. Oh!I am in such trouble and I need you!
Your ever faithful,
DESALF
Severus sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Of course, Potter would not know what he was thinking while writing this, but by the founders, it felt good to have someone, anyone to tell about his shitty life.
He carefully touched his wand to the still-drying ink, the spells coming to his mouth easily. One to change his handwriting, one to make it untraceable, and one to make Potter the only one able to read it. He rolled it and wrapped it in soft, weatherproof leather, then tied it. He then placed this in a scroll holder. As he carefully capped it, he grabbed a small box and set the holder beside it. He opened up the box and started methodically placing potions vials carefully labeled in it. He took out the potions container section and placed several maps of the Hogwarts/Hogsmede area, along with two sheathed basilisk poison-tipped daggers. He replaced the container and closed and locked the box.
With it's fragility in mind, Severus had his largest owl carry the packages. He only hoped it would help with a fairly hopeless desire of his: Keep Harry Potter alive at all costs. Even himself.
End Chapter One
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Can Someone Hand Me A Hangover Potion, Please?