Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

W.I.B	By : LadyZombie Category: Harry Potter Crossovers > General - Misc Views: 2683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter, Men In Black series and/or characters, nor have I made or will make, any money or profit from these writings.

Chapter List
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Number 12, Grimmauld Place was stuffed to overflowing with confused and speculative Order of the Phoenix members. �The Old Man,� who the younger members affectionately called Albus Dumbledore, had called an unexpected and mysterious emergency meeting and had given no clues as to why.

They were discussing a few of the more credible hypotheses when they heard Dumbledore�s voice in the foyer.

�They�re all most likely in the dining room. Right this way, gentlemen.�

All eyes turned expectantly towards the swinging door of the dining room, waiting for a revelation. When the door swung open, a smiling and obviously well pleased Dumbledore walked in followed by three men in black suits and dark sunglasses.

The two older men confidently stood against a wall, expressionless behind their sunglasses while the younger man looked about the room with interest. The three men appeared to be Muggles and a quiet murmuring began to spread throughout the room as Order members speculated why Dumbledore had brought Muggles into Grimmauld Place. The Old Man moved to the head of the dining room table and held up a hand for silence.

�My friends, as you well know, the Dark Lord has once again become active. It is obvious that our usual tactics have not been effective in ridding our world of Voldemort�s menace. The Muggles have an expression that they call �thinking outside the box,� and that is precisely what I�ve done. Ladies, gentlemen, please meet Zed, and agents K, and J. They have come to us all the way from America and they are �the Men in Black.��

A fresh round of murmuring once again spread throughout the dining room while Dumbledore waited, beaming from ear to ear.

Muggles? American Muggles at that! Men In Black? How can three American Muggle men in dark suits help defeat Voldemort? And why won�t they take off those sunglasses?

The younger man was watching a moving portrait warily.

�It�s very rude to stare!� the portrait�s occupant hissed.

The younger man quickly backed up and leaned over to one of the older men.

�Yo, K! Check out�� he whispered, gesturing to the portrait.

�Not now, kid.� the older man replied.

When the murmuring died down again, Dumbledore flicked his wand and lowered the lights in the dining room. With another flick, a box of white light appeared on a wall of the dining room.

The three men turned their attention to the wall and with another flick from Dumbledore�s wand, an image of Tom Riddle, before he became Voldemort, appeared. Tom was posed in what he thought was an intimidating manner, but it looked more like he was flashing everyone bedroom eyes.

�Gentlemen, this is Tom Marvolo Riddle. At least when he was still just Tom. The quintessential bad seed, he quickly turned to criminal behavior in his teenaged years.�

Flick.

Another image of Tom appeared. In this one, Tom was flipping the bird at the camera.

�Self loathing drove Tom to hate all those who were not of pure wizarding blood. With aspirations of taking over our world, he went underground and began to gather followers. This is the letter he sent to The Daily Prophet right before he disappeared.�

Flick.

An image of a handwritten note appeared on the wall.

Get fucked.

Love and kisses,

Tom.

P.S., Dumbledore buggers goats

Dumbledore cleared his throat in embarrassment.

Flick.

A picture of a transformed, reptilian Tom appeared on the wall. He was sprawled on his belly on a couch, his robes hiked to expose one leg. A �come hither� look was on his face.

�In an effort to appear more fearsome, he imbibed a potion that transformed his appearance to more closely resemble that of a reptile. The lad was always rather fixated of them. Disturbingly and inappropriately so.�

Flick.

An image of Voldemort attempting to French kiss a snake appeared on the wall. The snake looked squicked, as much as it was possible for a snake to express such an emotion.

�That is one ugly dude.� J remarked quietly. K and Zed snorted in amusement.

Flick.

�He calls his followers Death Eaters and insists they wear what he calls �Scary Mary� uniforms.

A picture of a group of Death Eaters surrounding Voldemort, who was blowing a kiss at the camera, now appeared on the wall. The Death Eaters were in full Death Eater costume, complete with half-skull masks.

Flick.

Another picture obviously taken around the same time appeared. The Death Eaters held their fingers in bunny ears behind each other�s heads. Voldemort held a hand to his mouth, captured in mid-giggle.

Flick.

Voldemort, fingers pressed to his lips in mock shock, playfully bending over while a Death Eater �spanked� his buttocks.

Flick.

Voldemort in a birthday hat, holding up a compact disk case with �101 Most Loved Broadway Tunes� on the cover.

Flick.

Voldemort dressed as Dorothy from the �Wizard of Oz� holding a picnic basket with a toy dog�s head peeking out.

Flick.

Voldemort pinching his nipples, wearing a sequined evening gown and tiara.

�Sir!� Snape barked, protesting Dumbledore�s continued onslaught of questionable Voldemort evidence.

�Brother man�s a serious freak.� J commented again.

With a final flick, Dumbledore brought the lights back up in the dining room. Some Order members were red-faced from embarrassment while others obviously were trying not to giggle. Snape rubbed his forehead and shook his head.

�Make no mistake gentlemen, despite what you�ve seen, the Dark Lord is extraordinarily dangerous and obviously��

�Crazier than a shit-house rat.� Zed said, finishing Dumbledore�s sentence.

�Yes. So gentlemen, do you think you can help us with our problem?� Dumbledore asked.

J finally peeled of his sunglasses and stepped forward with a confident swagger.

�Yeah we got this. We have the skills, we have the talent. We have��

�A hell of a lot of work in front of us training up your tapioca asses.� K finished, looking around at the various Order members.

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A/N: I�m sure this crossover has been done before but I was watching Men In Black (yet again) a few days ago and was imagining what it would be like if Dumbledore brought in the MIB to help out with the Voldie problem. Here's my take on it.

See kids, this is what happens when you mix boredom, margaritas, and Tommy Lee Jones movies.
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