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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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Lost and Damned

There's a Way From It All

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Had it really come to this? Were they really this desperate?

Yes. They apparently were.

The Room of Requirement had become something special for them. A simple, yet comfortable room, with bookshelves and a fireplace and comfortable couches and a fluffy rug and a large, king sized bed right in the middle. Everything but this randomly placed bed made Harry think of the Gryffindor common room or the living room at Grimmauld Place…Something old and elegant, yet comfortable and peaceful. This bed had a very special purpose, though, as Hermione Granger and Harry Potter were demonstrating.

Harry was lying diagonally on the bed while Hermione straddled him, pressing her lips deeply into his. Her hips rubbed desperately into his and Harry moaned, grasping her hips and sliding his hands over to squeeze her arse as he pressed his hips back up against hers, his erection gladly springing to life at the contact. Maybe he was making out with a girl, but it was hardly because of desire…Only the contact and gentle probing sprung his member to attention. Hermione smiled against his lips and only pulled away long enough to grasp her shirt and pull it over her head, aiding Harry in removing his own shirt.

It was a shameful secret shared between two friends, an awful and guilt-ridden affair that had started the summer before. It seemed so weak of them, so petty to give in to such horrible ideas, but they had and since they already had, they let that be the excuse for every time since. Both were emotional messes in dire need of distractions and they had found solace in one another. They felt awful about it the first few times…Feeling horrible for using one another. But after an awkward conversation about their fooling around, they decided it was for the best. That didn’t make those dirty, rotten feelings disappear entirely, but that was the price to be paid for the only means of distraction either of them could find. Even if they no longer had to worry about hurting one another, there was still some guilt to be had in using your closest friends in such a way.

Ginny had told Hermione at the beginning of summer that Ron liked her, but when Ron started dating Susan Bones, Hermione was left devastated. She was still incredibly angry with Ron (though Ron to this day had no idea why) and jealous of Susan and frustrated with herself for letting it get to her so much. Part of Hermione hoped that doing something with someone else would get rid of her pesky feelings for Ron, though that hadn’t been the case so far. The other part of her merely wanted to forget about it and feel some sense of petty pleasure, calling this her little revenge on Ronald…If only he knew. Hermione liked to imagine Ron would catch them one day and be incredibly jealous and angry and leave Susan and realize he cared for her. It was her deepest secret, one that she had shared with Harry when they confessed their reasoning for carrying on with this and conversations that sometimes sprung up before or after they decided to mess around.

Harry’s issues were a bit more complicated. He partially enjoyed doing it to get Ginny off of his back. She had a feeling she was dating Dean to make him jealous, because they started dating right after Ginny caught them together at a room at Grimmauld Place over summer break. Another part of him wanted some relief from all of the issues that had taken place the past few years, especially last year with Voldemort and Cedric Diggory dying…Later on it became more necessary when Dumbledore insisted he take on extra lessons midway through the summer…Defense lessons and anything else Dumbledore thought was necessary for Harry to learn. It was more important than ever now as Harry tried to distract himself from himself, though he wasn’t entirely sure why, at the moment. There was something deep down he didn’t want to think about, didn’t want to face, and hiding out in the Room of Requirement in this bed with Hermione was all the distraction he needed.

One hand remained on her arse while the other moved around her hip and up her stomach up to her breast, cupping it gently and squeezing it firmly after a moment, eliciting a loud moan from Hermione who pressed her hips more into his and grew more intense with her kissing. Harry threw all of himself into touching and kissing Hermione…She seemed to enjoy it a lot and it kept his mind off of other things. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t truly attracted to Hermione. It wasn’t that she wasn’t good-looking, only that he didn’t really desire her. Luckily the body reacted to touch very well, even if it was from someone you didn’t have any real interest in. She was well aware of his erection pressed against her and Harry was very well aware of the fact that she was grinding wonderfully against his hardness.

He felt Hermione tense against him for a moment and Harry froze, hesitantly moving his hands off of her as Hermione sat up and slid down his legs a bit, biting her lip as she looked down at her hands that were currently resting on his bare chest. He watched her in concern and confusion for a moment, trying to figure out what was wrong before her hands slowly began sliding down, tugging at the button of his jeans and then at the zipper while she leaned back down, kissing his neck and down his chest as she pulled at his jeans. Was she really about to…? And was he really going to let her? Harry’s heart was pounding in his chest while he struggled to clear his mind enough to make a good decision. They had come this far already…Perhaps it was a bit late to try to find some moral code, but thus far they had only done a bit of touching and groping and grinding and the most naked they had gotten was taking off their shirts. The only real release ever found was by their grinding against each other, mostly clothed. They had never gone further than that, but tonight, Hermione seemed to be willing to try something new and Harry didn’t think he had the heart to stop her. He wasn’t sure if it was for her sake or the sake of his body as his erection was exposed to the cool air in the room as her mouth traveled lower.

A loud ringing noise interrupted them and both Harry and Hermione jumped. Hermione scrambled off of Harry while Harry came into a sitting position, both scrambling to find their wands that they held up, feeling jumpy as they looked around the room, their hearts racing, before they froze, staring at the old fashioned alarm clock vibrating and ringing loudly on the coffee table. Harry just collapsed back onto the bed while Hermione slowly sat back down, her hand over her chest, laughing nervously. They had almost forgotten about the new addition they had wanted from the room. Since it was so late, they made sure to set an alarm to let them know when curfew was near and it was time to head back to their dorms.

Reluctantly, the friends stood and in awkward silence they suffered every time, they clothed themselves again. Harry almost wanted to make some remark to lighten the mood, the first thing jumping to mind the very thing Hermione wanted to do. But he figured it was best to leave that well enough alone and had found the other times that any means of trying to lighten the mood only made things more tense. He instead focused on getting himself presentable before grabbing his bag and he and Hermione slowly headed out of the room. Both were still a bit red in the face and Hermione was constantly running her fingers through her hair, her arms barely at her side a few seconds before she was playing with her thick and bushy hair again.

Harry swallowed hard and stared straight ahead. He felt awful and confused, just like he always did. Was it really fair to either of them to keep up this charade? Was it fair to Ron? Were they truly pathetic for using something like these as a means of escape? Were they really that scared? Harry felt dirty. It wasn’t like making out with a girl was odd for a boy his age…He was fifteen and he had hormones and most boys his age were off making out with attractive girls, if not doing more than just that. Then again, he wasn’t like most boys his age, wanting to do whatever he could with whoever he could. He wasn’t some prude, but he did believe that such physical displays of affection and love should be shared with someone one cared about. And while he did care about Hermione, it just wasn’t in that way. And the fact that he wasn’t even doing it because he was horny! It was ridiculous.

The walk was long, but it didn’t seem like it had taken any time at all to reach Gryffindor Tower. They slowly approached and Harry was hardly paying any attention at all when Hermione suddenly shoved him into a wall and pressed her mouth against his. It all happened so quickly, it was hard for Harry to immediately get his mind around it.

A giggle. A squeak. A very displeased “Whoa.” The sound of feet stomping off. The sight of Ron half dragging Susan Bones off. Harry blinked in surprise, watching until he couldn’t see Ron and Susan anymore before turning to a very panicked and wild looking Hermione Granger.

“Hermione!” Harry snapped, staring wide-eyed at her before looking back down the hallway to where Ron had run off to. He blinked a few times and recalled his friend really not looking or sounding too happy.

He knew Hermione had her little fantasies of Ron catching them, but neither of them had ever intentionally gone out and done something like this in public. Harry had always harbored some of those feelings of guilt for that remaining fear that maybe Ron did still have feelings for Hermione. Tonight had proven just that and now Ron was certainly furious with them both. Harry knew Ron was already frustrated with Hermione for treating him so differently ever since summer, but he hadn’t been upset with Harry until now.

Hermione blinked in surprise and looked at him then slowly she paled, looking absolutely terrified. “Oh no…Oh Harry! Merlin! I’m so…I’m so, so sorry, Harry! I don’t know what was thinking!”

“I know what you were thinking,” Harry muttered, shaking his head and glaring in the direction Ron had gone. He felt horrible for how upset and angry Ron seemed, but looking at how confused and upset Hermione was, Harry sighed and found it hard to remain too irritated with her. He moved over and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, walking with her to the portrait of the Fat Lady, leading her inside and to the staircase where they bid goodnight and headed to their respective dormitories. All the while he murmured reassurances, wanting Hermione to relax and calm down. Harry himself could hardly really think about it until he made it into bed.

For several minutes he just laid there, staring up at the ceiling. As strange as it was, he felt some relief by the happenings of tonight. He always felt some gratefulness for those awful feelings he got for the things he did with Hermione, allowing his mind to focus on things other than those he normally worried about long after their little encounters ended. Tonight had only added to the worries on his mind, especially when Ron came storming in.

“Thanks a lot, mate,” Ron grumbled, crawling into his own bed. The other boys paused and were paying more attention than either Harry or Ron liked.

“Susan upset again?” Harry asked innocently.

Ron just grumbled some more and settled down. Harry frowned. It didn’t do well to push away his friends, but honestly he figured he had a lot more important things weighing down in his life than whether or not Ron was mad at him. But he did care that his best friend was upset with him and that was plenty of reason to keep him occupied. It was better than thinking too much about all of the other things he was trying to avoid thinking about. He could feel their constant presence inside of him, but he never let them come to focus. Harry didn’t want to dare acknowledge them at all. Perhaps his methods of dealing with things weren’t healthy, but so far they were working and that was all that really mattered right now. As long as he could put up with everything and find some way of dealing with things in the midst of all of this stress and fear, he would be okay.

He at least kept telling himself that.

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Author’s Notes:: This IS a Snarry fanfic. There will be other pairings involved, including other pairings involving Harry and Snape. This will include slash, sex, and all of that other fun stuff.

This story is set post GoF and during OotP. The fanfic is AU
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Lost and Damned