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The Way I Wanted	By : Camorgan Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 2010 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything affliated. I am not making profit from this work.

Chapter List
- 1-The Way I Wanted
- 1
The Way I Wanted

Pairing: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black

Rating: M

Warnings: Sexual content, slash, foul language

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, any of the characters, plots or otherwise associated with it.

My life has never turned out like I planned. I think at some point I stopped making plans for myself, stopped hoping in vain that something was going to go the way I wanted. What was the use of disappointing myself?

When I imagined going to Hogwarts as a child, I saw myself in Ravenclaw, spending my days quietly studying in the library and learning as much as possible. I never once, ever, saw myself as best friends with two of Hogwarts most notorious trouble makers and heart throbs. I never saw myself sneaking off once a month to transform into a monster, or eventually running the grounds with my friends in animagus.

Though I think the part that really took me by surprise wasn't my house, my friends, or even my 'condition'. The part that had me floored was where I realized I really didn't fancy girls. Wait, there's more. Not only do I not fancy women, I do fancy men. One man. My best friend to be exact.

I was absolutely terrified when I came to this conclusion. The guy I call my best mate isn't exactly someone you would look at and think 'he must fancy blokes'. More like, 'he's the most popular, wanted boy in school, too bad he breaks every girl's heart he lays hands on'.

Who am I to think that he could ever possibly have any feelings for me? A scruffy, eternally scarred, scrawny werewolf? We're great friends, but the fact was that Sirius Orion Black was simply the most beautiful boy in school and I certainly wasn't the only person - female or male - that fancied him.

So for the good of everyone, I decided to lock all of those feelings away in a deep corner and throw away the key. I couldn't strain the friendship between James, Sirius, Peter and I just because I had tiny, little, giant crush on my best mate.

Of course telling yourself you don't have feelings for someone, and not having feelings for someone are completely different things. Somehow the emotions I tried so hard to stomp down always found a way to creep back up on me at the worst times. It didn't help that my head spun every time Sirius was close to me and that at some points, it seemed like Sirius was actually...flirting with me.

Unnecessary brushes of his fingers when taking a quill, tucking stray strands of hair behind my ear while I'm studying, pressing his leg against mine when we sat next to each other, his hand lingering on my back after a hug...

The worst part was that Sirius had no idea what he was doing to me. He'd just give me that smirk and that delicious wink and go on his merry way. It drove me crazy, plagued my dreams with images that would make even the dirtiest minded homosexual wizard blush. I couldn't get the man out of my head, and I even had to share a bedroom with him.

The one good thing about being as studious as I am, is that I became skilled at spell casting and could cast silencing charms around my bed at night. Or in the afternoon. Or early morning.

Anyway, the point is, looking back, I never saw myself in this position. This, being, standing at the top of the astronomy tower awaiting Sirius. I had never felt special, like he held me above James and Peter. Yet here I am, freezing, heart racing nervously, waiting for the single most wanted guy in Hogwarts, because he "has something very important to tell me."

And perhaps you think I'm over-reacting, that maybe it's just something normal, every day. But it was the way he said it. The way he looked at me. Sirius didn't just ask me to meet him in the dead of night on top of the astronomy tower on a daily basis. The astronomy tower was for lovers, and the look Sirius gave me...

While I stand there, gazing out at the clear sky, I think back to the events of the past years and wonder how I got here, how this snuck up on me. I hope sincerely I'm not mistaken, and that maybe I won't have to pretend anymore. I lose myself in the stars and my thoughts as my heart quickens in anticipation.

Maybe the first time I realized I fancied Sirius as more than a friend was in our second year when they had discovered my dirty little secret. I had fled the room in embarrassment, tears streaming down my face. I was ashamed that they had found out. I was sure they were disgusted, that they would never want to speak to me again. I didn't stay long enough for them to tell me that they were going to be there for me, that it changed nothing.

I remember curling up in the common room and hiding my face in my arms even as I heard one of my friends come down the stairs after me. I couldn't even raise my head, couldn't meet their eyes. A hand fell to my shoulder and the voice of Sirius Black broke the silence.

"Remus, there's nothing to be ashamed of." His voice was calm and smooth, even for a twelve year old.

"I-I'm a monster." I felt the couch dip as Sirius sat down. With a gasp I was pulled into his arms. He held me tightly, even as my tears soaked his shirt.

"You are not a monster, Remus. I don't care what anyone says. You'll always be my best friend, no matter how big and scary and wolfish you are." He said, a fierce determination in his voice. I laughed, pulling back from his shoulder to peer up at him. He was grinning, though the familiar grin faded slightly to a soft smile as he lifted a hand, rough thumbs wiping away the tears from my face.

"Thank you Sirius." I murmured, hoping the dim light from the fire hid my blush.

It all seemed to go down hill from there. Over and over again I would fall for Sirius, each time getting caught up more. At first it was an innocent sort of affection. Then we got older and I began to notice just how hot Sirius really was.

I was watching Sirius' big game against Slytherin, and according to Peter, Gryffindor was winning, but I was distracted. I had no interest for the game, because my eyes were glued to Sirius. He looked stunning up in the air, his dark curls blowing crazily, the lithe movements of his toned body and the absolute elation on his face.

My heart was beating ridiculously fast, and when Sirius turned toward me, caught my gaze and winked, I thought I was going to faint.

When James and Peter tried to discuss the match earlier I was embarrassed not to be able to add much input.

"Geez, Moony, where were you?" James asked, punching me lightly in the shoulder.

"Sorry, my head was in the clouds." I replied, flushing.

"I don't know, you seemed pretty intent on watching Sirius to me." Peter said, a grin on his face. My face grew even hotter and I could feel Sirius' eyes on me. Suddenly his arm was around my shoulders and I felt his muscular side pressed close to me. I swallowed, trying to stamp down on my hormones. I looked up at him wearily and my heart jumped at the grin on his face.

"I'm flattered, Remus." He said, winking at me. The use of my name startled me a little, since James and Peter mostly called me Moony now a days. I smiled in embarrassment and looked away. Sirius didn't remove his arm until we said good night.

"What are you reading?" I looked up from my textbook, the handsome face of a fifteen year old Sirius greeting me. I took in it's features eagerly, having a hard time tearing my eyes away and responding casually.

"Ancient Runes." I replied. He cringed as he sat down next to me, peering over at the page.

"I'll never understand how you weren't put in Ravenclaw." Sirius commented, looking up at my face. We were really close, his leg pressing warmly against my own. I was having difficulty thinking straight.

"I don't understand either." I said, smiling.

"Oh well. I'm glad you're not. I don't know what I'd do without you, Rem." Sirius said, his tone surprisingly serious...no pun intended. I looked up at him, the air rushing out of my lungs as I saw the expression in his eyes. Time seemed to stop for a moment, I let the book rest against the table and Sirius' hand had begun to move. I think he was about to cup my cheek, about to lean in and catch my lips, but I'll never know, because James walked in just then.

"Moony! You won't believe what we all managed to do last night. Aw, Sirius, you didn't beat me, did you?" I pulled back from Sirius, we had indeed gotten closer to each other. Sirius looked irritated, an expression I'd never seen on his face when it had anything to do with James.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"No, I hadn't got the chance since you interrupted me." Sirius said, all the arrogance back as he lounged in his chair. His leg, I noticed, was still pressed firmly against mine, however.

"We all learned how to turn into an animagus, Moony. Now we don't have to leave you by yourself, we can come with you!" James said, his voice an excited whisper in an attempt not to be overheard. My jaw dropped in disbelief. I looked to Sirius, who responded with a gentle smile and a quick wink.

"But you can't, I'm too dangerous and besides...that's illegal!"

"Oh, I knew you'd say that. But we are not budging on this. We've been working for years to be able to do this. Ever since we found out. We want to come with you. And since when do we follow rules?"

"It's not just rules, it's a law! I...I could kill you."

"Remus, you'd never hurt us. I know you."

"You don't know my wolf, Sirius."

"Well, I'm sure we'll get along just fine. My form is pretty close to a wolf."

"But-"

"No, Remus. Don't argue." I sighed in resignation, looking back and forth between my friends. I shook my head and smiled.

"Fine. You two are so stubborn. What are your forms, then?"

"Stag, and Peter - get this - is a rat." James said with a smile.

"I'm a dog." Sirius replied.

"I'm determined to call him Padfoot."

"Yeah, well you're Prongs!"

"Much better than Wormtail." James said with a laugh.

"Hey! I told you I hated that name!" Peter said, who had just entered the library. I laughed along with them, though my eyes had rested on Sirius who reached over and took my hand while no one was looking.

"You're stuck with me all the time now." He said with a grin. I smiled in return and hoped that he was right.

I was in hell. The transformation seemed even more grotesque because James, Sirius and Peter stood at the side, staring in shock. They had never seen it happen before, always joining me after it had been completed. But they had wanted to see, to be there for me in the most painful stage of my monthly curse. I allowed it simply because of the look on Sirius' face. He had looked so genuine and he had given me the most heart-warming smile. He was going to be the death of me, really.

As a scream tore it's way through my throat, I had enough human left in me still to feel embarrassed. It was bad enough I had stripped down to just my boxers to prevent my already shabby clothes from being ruined. I could feel Sirius' gaze on my almost nude body, but soon the pain took over any self-consciousness about my scarred flesh.

Now I was all too aware of my shifting spine, the hair sprouting, my jaw snapping outward and eyes dilating as the wolf took hold. I don't remember much of any of my nights under the full moon, but James had told me later - much to my embarrassment - that that night, the wolf was only interested in Sirius. They did, as Sirius had predicted, get along quite well. I was always worried that my desire for Sirius would show through in the wolf.

In a way it did, though mostly I explained it off as the wolf attaching itself to the closest thing to a wolf, and as Sirius was a dog, he recognized him as a pack member. I knew that was partly true, but also the wolf picked up on my attraction to him and longed for Sirius just as I did, although in an admittedly more animalistic way.

I think James was starting to catch on to my little - huge - crush on Sirius at this point. He would give knowing looks and smiles, his comments becoming a little more than suggestive. I was always worried Sirius would catch on, but he only laughed, gave me that heart-stopping wink, and slung his arm around me - something he made a habit of.

As he told me how Sirius and I had playfully fought and wrestled all night, he had that amused, knowing glint in his eye and made a comment about how "your wolf seems to really like being pinned down by Padfoot. I wonder why that is." I blushed and shrugged, burying my face in my Arithmacy text.

The one thing that made me sure I wasn't imagining things, was the drastic way Sirius' relationships changed. It was shortly after they had first told me about their animagus', and the event shocked everyone in our little group of friends. It was so out of the blue, but it had sparked hope in my heart that eventually grew to a flame.

"Padfoot? I thought you had a date." James asked, lounging back in his favorite chair in the common room, letting a snitch go and catching it again lazily. I looked up from my essay, my eyes lingering on Sirius' handsome face for a moment too long.

"Nah, she was boring." He said, plopping down on the couch next to me and slinging his arm over the back of the couch. I felt his fingers brush against my back and held back a shiver.

"You said that about the last few girls."

"Well, that's because they were all boring. I'm just not interested."

"I thought I'd never see the day." James said, mock horror on his face.

"Oh, shut up, Prongs." He said, throwing a small pillow at him.

"What are you writing, Rem?" He asked, his voice suddenly close to my ear. I jumped, spilling ink all over my paper. I sent a half-hearted glare at him, before spelling the ink off.

"The essay for Slughorn, remember?" Remus said, fighting down the flush on his cheeks.

"Oh yeah, I forgot, actually. I've been kind of distracted lately."

"Here, I'll help you." I said, sighing playfully. Sirius grinned, leaning forward and placing a kiss on my cheek. My heart skipped a beat, face burning.

"You're the best, Remus."

One of the most vivid memories was in our sixth year, a couple weeks after James, Peter and Sirius had seen me change for the first time. I had run up to the dorms to pick up my Charms book, I had forgotten it on my way to breakfast. James and Peter were still sleeping and I could hear the shower running. I was always the first awake and the first to eat, Sirius would join me shortly, and James and Peter usually missed breakfast and had to run to class hurriedly eating a piece of dry toast. I vaguely thought of Sirius under the shower, water running down his stomach...I blushed and grabbed my book.

When I turned, Sirius was standing in the door way, a short towel wrapped around his waist and water dripping invitingly down his body. I swallowed thickly, my mouth suddenly dry. Sirius smirked slowly, his eyes glinting playfully. My eyes widened a little bit, and then suddenly I was falling back on the bed and Sirius and I were wrestling.

It was oddly erotic, his wet curls falling into my face and his body pressing against me suggestively. He finally pinned me down, a wicked grin on his face.

"I win." He murmured. I panted, staring up at him and willing the heat in my groin to go away. He shifted slightly and I gasped softly as an unmistakable hardness dug into my thigh. He was up and gone then, calling about meeting me at breakfast.

It was getting chilly up on the astronomy tower and I wondered how much longer Sirius could possibly be. As if on cue, Sirius was suddenly beside me, leaning against the stone to mirror me. I looked over at him in surprise, confused as to how I hadn't heard him walk up behind me. He turned and our eyes met. My breath caught in my throat as I took in his gorgeous face, which looked even more so in the light of the moon. A slow, soft smile curved his lips and I felt a strong urge to kiss him.

"Hey, Remus." He said.

"Hi.' I said lamely, quite distracted. His smiled widened and I wondered if I could possibly fall more in love with him. He turned his gaze to the sky and I followed, picking out the stars I knew to make the constellation he was named after. We were silent for a while, comfortable at each other's side. His arm was pressed warmly against mine and I longed to wrap myself in those arms and never leave.

"When I first met you, I liked you immediately." He started, I looked over at him, listening intently. "You were calm and gentle and you had this worn, tired look about you that make my heart clench in way I was unfamiliar with. I was drawn to you, intrigued by your kind face that somehow carried long, violent looking scars. I couldn't imagine anyone who would want to hurt you. I had such an urge to protect you, to prevent anyone from giving you scars like that again.

The more I got to know you, the more that clenching feeling came. You made my heart hurt, you made me feel more than I ever had before. I thought it was because I wanted to be a brother, a friend, to shield you from everything terrible in the world. When I found out exactly what caused those scars, I wanted to kill Greyback. I wanted to rip him apart with my bare hands, and make him suffer for the pain he caused you. I couldn't, so I promised myself I'd find a way to be with you when you needed someone the most.

It was my idea to learn to become animagus. James and Peter thought I was crazy, but I was determined. Every full moon you spent alone killed me inside. I worked nonstop until I finally did it. I felt the clenching soothe a little, though every time I saw you it would come back in full force.

Something in me was changing though. I was distracted, unfocused, girls didn't interest me like they used to. I no longer felt just a longing to protect you, but also to keep you to myself. I felt irrational jealousy whenever James would joke around with you, or if you would help Peter with his Transfiguration homework, I craved those moments when I could have you all to myself. Every time a moment was interrupted, irritation would spark within me.

I knew that James could tell something was going on. He would say nothing about my sudden anger or jealousy, only giving me odd, calculating looks, smiling in amusement as he watched us together. He knows me better than I do. I was so blind. Eventually James just said something, and then I finally realized what that clenching in my heart was, why I was so jealous, why I wanted to sweep you away and hide you from the world.

I finally realized, but I couldn't tell you. I kept it secret for a year, though I couldn't help but be as close to you as possible. I slipped up so many times, making it so obvious. I was so afraid you would reject me, that I would lose you completely. James told me I was an idiot, but I was sure it would go all wrong.

Until...one day, I looked at you and our eyes met. Like so many times before, but this time I truly saw you, Remus. I stopped expecting a friendly look and I saw what it really was. I saw everything I was hiding reflected back in your eyes. I thought about it for a long time, recalled all the times you had blushed under my gaze or your eyes had lingered on my face for too long. I thought of this infuriating, provocative game we've been playing for years, and I decided I was tired of hiding, because I think you feel the same.

It's taken me seven years, seven damn long years to see it, but I can finally tell you that I'm absolutely, completely in love with you. I want you, Remus. I want you all to myself and I never want to let you go."

I was in shock, I stared at Sirius for a minute, taking in his hopeful, slightly apprehensive look. I wanted to say something but I was frozen. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I took a shuddering breath and then a smile broke across my face and tears streamed down my face. I threw myself into his arms, melting slightly as strong, sure arms wrapped around me, a large hand sliding into my hair.

"Don't ever let me go." I said, gasping softly as his finger tilted my head up and his lips descended. They were blissfully soft and warm, larger and covering mine completely. He kissed me gently, his lips making slow love to mine. I moaned, his tongue slipping languidly into my mouth. His hand cupped my arse, pulling me flush against him.

It was heaven. I had imagined Sirius kissing me so many times, but this one moment exceeded all of my expectations. I felt secure and safe, and I never wanted it to stop. It didn't, Sirius seemed just as starved for this as I did, if not more. I marveled at this, for a person who always seemed to be picking up girls, who would have thought he would be kissing me like Voldemort was right outside the door. Me, the small, studious, scarred monster. Me. Merlin, what had I done to deserve such a reward?

When we finally broke apart we were both breathing heavily. I had dug my fingers into his button-up shirt and he had at some point backed up so he was leaning against the stone of the tower. Our legs were tangled together and my shirt was riding up. Sirius' hand wandered upward, his fingers tracing over the bared skin. I gasped and arched into him, blushing as he smirked.

"Remus, you have no idea what you've been doing to me all these years, do you?" I met his eyes and shook my head. I really didn't, I thought I was the only one left breathless and blushing in this situation. He smiled a little bit, the look in his eyes causing my blush to deepen. He leaned down, his moist lips brushing against my ear as his deep voice filled me with a burning longing. Merlin, his voice was pure sex.

"I fantasize about you all the time, Remus..." He whispered, his hand pulling up the hem of my shirt and sending shivers throughout me. His rough fingertips followed my spine upward, I trembled against him, my hands gripping his shirt tighter.

"I dreamed about how you would feel against me, under my hands, around me..." A soft, drawn out whimper left my lips, his words making my eyes flutter shut. His fingers found my ribs, following them around my sides to my chest. Another whimper left me, my back arching into the touch as he rubbed gently at my nipple. He pulled me closer by my rear, his hips rolling upward easily.

I cried out, my face flushing as our erections slid perfectly against each other.

"Mm, I dreamed about how you would sound too, but it's so much better than what I imagined." Sirius breathed, his moan making the heat in my groin intensify. I had to rest my head against his, a wave of dizziness washing over me as his hips rolled again. I met his thrusts instinctively, my body taking over as my mind checked out. It couldn't take the scorching heat of Sirius.

Sirius let out a completely sex-laced groan that made my cock twitch with arousal. His hands moved up further, pushing me back just enough to slide my sweater over my head. He let it fall to the floor and then his hands were back, running over my back. I moaned in bliss, loving the feeling of his large, warm, calloused hands on my skin. I wanted them everywhere.

"Mm, Sirius..." I breathed, gasping as his lips and beard stubble began to brush over my overly sensitive neck. Oh, that felt amazing. I arched into him, moaning loudly as his hips moved lazily against mine, his hot mouth catching my nerves on fire. Through the haze, I managed to detach my fingers from his shirt and slip the buttons from their holes. I pushed the shirt away, sighing as our bare chests slid against each other.

His hands were moving downward, one wrapping around my thigh, just below my ass, and the other pressing wickedly against my erection. My breath caught and suddenly my mind went blank. Merlin, I was in heaven. His palm rubbed against me, his deep voice making want to cum right then and there.

"Merlin, Remus, I love feeling you. So hard, so perfect...I wonder how you'd feel against my tongue." I whimpered, my hips pressing deeper into his hand.

"Please..." I whined. He smiled against my ear, and then he was on his knees. My heart skipped a beat, I must be dead. There was no other explanation. His scorching mouth pressed against me through my trousers as he worked the fastening open. He tugged them down around my thighs and kissed my stomach, my pelvic bones, whispering over the place I wanted him most.

My fingers were tangled in his curly hair, my breath coming in short pants as his thumbs hooked in my boxers and pulled them down, rubbing the elastic along my heated flesh. I gasped as his lips laid a wet kiss on the head, my grip tightening in his dark locks.

I was watching him, and I moaned as he licked his lips.

"So good, Remus..." He said huskily, meeting my eyes and licking a trail up the underside, dipping his tongue in the slit. There was nothing but pure lust on his face, as if I was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. It gave me a thrill of desire to watch.

He took his time, licking every inch of my cock, sucking the head gently, moving his mouth up and down slowly. It was delicious torture. I felt so close, and yet so far away from completion. He had me begging like a wanton whore, but I didn't care as long as I was his whore.

"Please, mm, Siri-Sirius, Merlin, I need you..."

"Need me where, love?"

"I-Inside! Merlin, please, fuck me." I groaned, way too aroused to feel embarrassed.

"Oh, I will. I'm going to fuck you until you can't remember your own name. Mm, better yet, I'm going to make love to you, Remus. Until you lose your mind in the pleasure. You'll be mine, do you want that?"

"Yes, oh, Merlin, yes!" His mouth returned to my cock, continuing his slow torture. But then his fingers were against my lips and I moaned at the implication. I took them into my mouth, loving how they felt and tasted against my tongue. I couldn't wait for them to buried inside me, so I sucked eagerly, meeting Sirius's dark eyes and teasing his fingers like I wanted to tease his cock.

He groaned around my erection and removed his fingers. They left a cool trail down my spine, making me shiver as the night air played along it. Then they were nestling into me, rubbing against my entrance until I was whining with anticipation.

"P-please, Sirius!" I begged, not knowing whether to push forward into his smirking mouth, or backward against those wicked fingers. Mercifully, one slipped inside, plunging until it was completely buried within me. I gasped breathlessly, a strangled cry leaving me as his finger curled precisely and struck a spot I barely knew existed. Lights flashed before my eyes as pleasure shot up my back.

"O-oh! Right there, oh, mm..." I was babbling, my mind fried as Sirius' fingers rubbed against that spot gently, not enough to make me cum, but enough to drive me crazy. It was a strange feeling when he added another, two more fingers. But, Merlin, did I love it. I felt so filled, but I wanted more.

"I need..."

"Tell me what you need, love." He said huskily.

"I need your cock." I moaned. Sirius hummed, as if he were thinking about it, pressing his fingers deeply inside of me, nuzzling his face against my erection.

"How much do you need it?"

"Please! I can't stand it, I need it so much!" I cried, running my fingers through his hair and down his face as if I could soak him up through my skin. I wanted to, I wanted to be so completely consumed by Sirius. I wanted us to be connected in every possible way. There was no way he could close enough. I gasped as his fingers left me. It made me feel utterly empty. He was standing now, pushing my pants down. I kicked my shoes off, and slid the trousers off. I felt exposed as Sirius' eyes trailed down over my bare body.

I looked at myself and blushed. The moonlight made my many scars seem to glow a silver-white. They stood out on my thin body and I moved to cover myself with my arms. Sirius caught them with a gentle fierceness, pulling them away from my body. He looked up at me, his eyes serious.

"You are so beautiful, never hide from me, please." He whispered, I swallowed and nodded. He stepped back and began to remove his belt. I watched, enthralled, as he slipped his shoes off and slid his pants down over his pronounced hip bones. My mouth went dry, my eyes glued on him. I followed the dark trail of hair downward, taking in his toned muscles and the sexy 'V' shape that led enticingly down into his boxers. His thumbs hooked in the elastic and pulled down slowly, as if he were trying to tease me on purpose.

My heart stopped as I laid eyes on him. He was...kind of huge. No wonder every girl in school wanted to have sex with him. Looking past how big it was, it was beautiful as well. Large and perfectly shaped, standing tall against his flat stomach. I felt utterly small, and I knew I was on the high side of average. I pulled my eyes away and looked up at him. He looked out of breath, as if me looking at him made him hot.

"Come here, Remus." I moaned, obeying without a thought. I walked toward him, placing my hands on his chest. I couldn't help myself, I wrapped a hesitant hand around him and whimpered. He felt so good in my hands and suddenly all the desire and desperation I had to feel him inside of me slammed back into me.

"I need you..." I said quietly. Something flashed in Sirius' eyes and then my back was being pressed against the clod stone of the Astronomy tower. He hooked a hand under my thigh, raising it and wrapping it around his trim waist. He lifted me easily and I wrapped my other leg around him. I held on tight to his shoulder blades, my heart picking up as I felt the head of his cock press against my ass.

"Look at me." He said. My eyes snapped up to his, and what I saw there made a shudder of pure pleasure pass over me. Desire and love, a dark sort of possessiveness, and utter adoration.

"I love you." His voice sounded nearly as orgasmic as his cock did as it slid inside of me. My mouth fell open in shock as I stretched impossibly far to accommodate him. He seated himself all the way and then stopped. Tears gathered at the side of my eyes and I leaned my head forward, resting on his shoulder. I focused on breathing, on how lovely Sirius's big hand felt running over my head. After a moment the pain subsided and I began to become overly aware of how full I felt. I clenched down around him and was surprised when Sirius cried out.

"Ah! R-Remus...don't do that unless you want me to pound you senseless." His words sent a jolt through me, bringing out a side of me I never knew I had. I replied without even thinking.

"Mm, please do." I moaned, kissing up his neck. Sirius practically growled, his hands moving to grip my slim hips tightly as he pulled out and rolled back inside for the first time. I gasped loudly, my legs spasming around him. He grinded slow, but hard for a long time. It drove me crazy, pulling dirty words and pleas from my mouth. He only smirked in reply, sucked at my ear and rubbed my nipple.

"Mmm, please, Sirius, oh Merlin, fuck, please. Ah-!" He shifted his angle suddenly, and white hot stars exploded from behind my eyes. Pleasure shot violently up my back.

"Oh! Right there!" Sirius began to really move then, slamming into me so fast and hard that I couldn't help but scream. I threw my head back and surrendered to the pleasure. It was unlike anything I had ever felt, and some foggy, twisted part of my mind wondered if this was how a sex-altered cruciatus would feel.

Sirius seemed to be so calm, only moaning deeply and quietly, his lips never leaving my neck or my face. His hands dug possessively into my thighs, one moving back to cradle the small of my back and then up to my head, to keep it from banging against the stone wall. I was lost in him, I arched up against him and came immediately from the sensation of my cock rubbing against his stomach. I screamed, holding him as close as humanly possible.

"Oh, Sirius! I-I love you!" I nearly sobbed.

Sirius pushed in two more times and then I was being filled with wonderfully hot come. I forced my eyes open, watching his face as he rode out his orgasm. I caressed his face with my hands, committing every detail of this moment to memory. He slumped against me and the wall then and I slowly let my legs down. I caught him as I did so, my knees weak. We gasped as he slid out and together we lowered ourselves to the ground. He leaned back and I curled up on his lap.

His arms wrapped around me automatically, cradling my head and kissing the top of my hair. I closed my eyes and let out a puff of air, basking in the after-glow of sex.

"Remus?" He asked softly. I moaned softly in reply, feeling close to sleep.

"I'm glad you came tonight." I smiled, holding him tighter.

"I'm glad I did too." I replied, and finally, something went exactly the way I wanted it to.
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The Way I Wanted