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The Joke Book Trap	By : TalisRuadair Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 10791 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Series (1997-2007) and any characters and original locations within the books belong to JK Rowling. I am not making any money from this fiction. Pride and Prejudice belongs to Jane Austen.

Chapter List
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Chapter One – A Gift

It was Christmas morning at Hogwarts. Many things had changed for Hermione over the past year. She had spent the holiday the year before hunting down Horcruxes with Harry. Ron had left them and Harry and she went to Godric’s Hallow for information, and completely forgot what day it was. However, so much had changed within the year. Her parents were still in Australia and the Order still had yet to locate them. It had also been only a few months since she lost more people she loved at the Battle of Hogwarts, her home away from home. She lost the hat and sock loving Dobby, Lupin, Tonks, and Fred. George was still grieving his twin and just didn’t seem the same without him.

She really missed Dobby because he was such a great House Elf, Hogwarts was different without him. He’d died at the hands of Bellatrix and a bloody knife as they escaped from Malfoy Manor. She looked down at the Mudblood scar that was still etched in her left arm. It was a physical representation of the emotional scars she still had from the war. The only positive was the lunatic of a woman had died at the hands of Molly, her second mother. Hermione stared down at the wrapped gift from George that he’d signed both his and his dead twin’s name to. She knew that she could’ve gone to the Burrow for the holiday but it just didn’t feel right. She didn’t want to intrude upon the family’s first Christmas without Fred and she really wasn’t in the mood to see Ron. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about her best friend. They’d kissed during the battle, but how compatible were they really?

She sat in the Head Boy and Girl common room alone, as the Head Boy, Theodore Nott, was in the Slytherin Common Room with some of his buddies. She sighed, as she unwrapped the red and gold foiled paper. So, much laughter died with Fred and she was only reminded of him as she saw her favorite book. He was the one who’d given her a hard time for her love of Classic Muggle literature. She lovingly ran her fingers over the title of her all time favorite book.

She opened Pride and Prejudice and read the opening paragraph aloud, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the rightful property or some one or other of their daughters.”*

Hermione wasn’t sure what happened, other than her scenery quickly changed. She understood that she couldn’t have apparated as Hogwarts was warded against it. However, was it possible that the book was a portkey? If it was a portkey, where was she? Was she in some reenactment village set in the early 19^th century? She looked around the room and quickly recognized the faces around her. They were seated in a small parlor near a lit fire. Arthur Weasley was busy reading a newspaper and Molly was knitting the muggle way. Hermione looked down at her hands and noticed she was trimming a hat, and something about the scene seemed familiar.

“I hope Mr. Bingley will like it, Lizzy,”* Arthur commented looking directly at Hermione.

Hermione mused over the comment about Mr. Bingley, she recognized the name from her favorite novel, but why was Mr. Weasley calling her Lizzy? Before she could continue the contemplations any further, Molly scowled at Arthur, “We are not in a way to know what Mr. Bingley likes since we are not to visit.”*

That was when everything clicked, she was somehow in the novel Pride and Prejudice, as the protagonist Elizabeth Bennet and it was her time to give a cleaver retort. “But you forget Mum; we shall meet him at the assemblies. Mrs. Long promised to introduce him.”*

Molly looked quite indignant with her disheveled ginger hair. Hermione quickly realized that it was Mrs. Bennet sitting before her, and for some reason her subconscious mind superimposed the image of Molly Weasley over the fretful mother of five girls. The real Molly was a far stronger woman and quicker witted than the character doppelganger. The woman used a higher pitched and wiener voice than Mrs. Weasley ever would, “I do not believe Mrs. Long will do any such thing. She has two nieces of her own. She is selfish, hypocritical woman, and I have no opinion of her.”*

Hermione couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes at the judgmental statement coming out of Molly Weasley’s mouth, who she knew to be the most caring and nurturing woman. Molly was never one for gossip, but perhaps she would’ve been different if she had five daughters instead of six sons and one daughter.

Arthur set his newspaper in his lap and kept a completely serious face, “No more have I and I am glad to find that you do not depend on her serving you.”*

Hermione knew the scene she was in by heart since she had read the book hundreds of times over the years hoping that one day she’d find her Mr. Darcy. She couldn’t help but wonder who would be Mr. Darcy in this dream, or whatever she was experiencing. Would he be Ron or would her confusion with regards to her Ginger best friend have an effect on the outcome. She looked around and noticed Lizzy’s sisters had familiar faces as well. Fleur sat next to her working on needle point, Luna was staring down at a book, Parvarti started coughing, and Lavender was listening to the banter going on between Molly and Arthur with a bemused look.

Molly stared at the coughing Parvarti and scolded, “Don’t keep coughing so, Kitty, for Heaven’s sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves. You tear them to pieces.”*

Arthur raised an eyebrow and spoke with a sarcastic laced tone, “Kitty has no discretion in her coughs. She times them ill.”*

Parvarti looked down at her feet, “I do not cough for my own amusement.”*

Arthur looked over at Hermione, “When is your next ball to be, Lizzy?”*

Hermione looked up at him and smiled, “It will be a fortnight tomorrow.”* She would find out who her subconscious mind imprinted on Mr. Darcy in two weeks. She only hoped that time would pass quicker wherever she was trapped than the time in the real world. Another thought struck her, she was in the muggle literary world of Jane Austin, would she be capable of magic?

“Aye, so it is,” Molly furrowed her brow, “and Mrs. Long does not come back till the day before; so it will be impossible for her to introduce him, for she will not know him herself.”*

Arthur smiled, “Then my dear, you may have the advantage of your friend, and introduce Mr. Bingley to her.”*

“Impossible, Mr. Bennet, impossible…”* Molly went off on her tangent and Hermione started to tune out the conversation going on around her, as she tried to figure out who each of her sisters were. She knew that Parvarti was Kitty. Since she and Lavender were inseparable, she could only assume the latter was Lydia. That left Fleur and Luna.

Her musings were interrupted when Arthur asked Mary her opinion and was looking directly at Luna. Luna momentarily looked up from her book with her normal far away stare. It looked like she wanted to say something sensible but was at a loss for words. Hermione looked back over at Fleur and quickly realize the quarter Veela was the perfect facsimile to the character Jane. Though, she really did hope she didn’t speak with her awful French accent. She could only wonder if that meant that Mr. Bingley would be the handsomely rugged cruse breaker, Bill Weasley.

Arthur cut into Hermione’s thoughts once more, “While Mary is adjusting her ideas, let us return to Mr. Bingley.”**

His wife forced her needles into her knitting and raised her hands in frustration, “I am sick of Mr. Bingley.”**

Hermione found the character reactions far more amusing than anything she’d imagined while reading the book. Perhaps being fully emerged into the classic had its benefits. It was sure keeping her mind off of the previous year of her life. She smiled as she listened to Arthur’s even toned response, “I am sorry to hear that; but why did not you tell me that before? If I had known as much this morning I certainly would not have called on him. It is very unlucky; but as I have actually paid the visit, we cannot escape the acquaintance now.”**

Hermione couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the conversation between Molly and Lavender. She quickly understood why her mind placed Lavender in the silly part of Lydia. She really was just as silly as the character depicted. In fact, she quickly realized that the personalities of each of her subconscious projections fit the Austen characters perfectly. Her mind truly was a miraculous thing. Though she still wondered how she’d ended up in the fictional world of Pride and Prejudice with the all too familiar faces from her life. Was she Dorothy and no longer in Kansas? Not that she’d ever been to the United States, let alone the Midwestern state of Kansas, but she really did feel like she was in the land of OZ.

Time passed for Hermione as she listened to everyone in the household excluding Fleur and herself grilling Arthur for a description of Mr. Bingley. She heard the same description from the book that he was young, exceedingly handsome, quite agreeable, and was expected to bring a large party to the next assembly. Hermione knew that meant he was bringing his friend Mr. Darcy with him, and she still couldn’t place whose familiar face would be stuck to her romantic interest. She thought about how Mr. Darcy was portrayed in the book. He was proud, rich, good looking, shy, and somewhat rude. Was there anyone she knew that would fit that character? She didn’t know anyone who had those traits; perhaps her feelings toward Ron would cast him as the romantic lead because no one else fit. There was one possible person, but there was no way her mind would supply that person.

The day of Bingley’s visit arrived and Hermione stared out of the upper window with Fleur, Luna, Parvarti, and Lavender. He was wearing a blue coat and rode a black horse, however Hermione recognized the bright red hair tied back in a pony tail at the nape of his neck. Though that style of haircut was quite common within the time period, she was certain her first assumption was correct. Bill Weasley would be playing the character of Bingley for her experience. Her assumption being correct about Bill only made her wonder if Ron would turn out to be Darcy because of his relationship to Bill in her reality. Bingley spent ten minutes in the library with Arthur before leaving. Of course an invitation to dinner was sent to him, which he sadly declined as he had to go London the following morning. Molly was quite upset until Lady Lucas assured her that he’d gone to London to return with a large party.

Hermione was a bit shocked to see Andromeda sitting in the kitchen with Molly, only because she mistook her for Bellatrix for a moment. Again, her mind was working quickly, if Mrs. Tonks was Lady Lucas, then Tonks would be Charlotte. Tears welled up in her eyes, as she considered the possibility of seeing her dead friend once again. Though, it was likely that she wouldn’t have her metamorphic abilities, as she was probably muggle. The time of the assembly soon arrived and Hermione made sure to keep an eye out for Bill and his party of five. She was correct that William Weasley was Bingley, the older sister was Astoria Greengrass, which was quite odd considering the younger sister was Ginny Weasley and she was older than Astoria in real life. Astoria’s husband was none other than the Head Boy, Theodore Nott. His long dark hair was also pulled back at the nape of his neck and his dark eyes met Hermione’s for a moment. She knew the last member of the party had to be Mr. Darcy. She let out a gasp when she saw a pale blond Slytherin ruining her romantic images of Darcy. So, much for the greatest romantic couple of all time! There was no way this was going to work between her and Draco bloody Malfoy. He was nothing more than a fowl git and a Death Eater to boot. She knew from the moment her eyes fell upon his haughty face and pointy features that she’d never fall for such a foul, loathsome, sodding albino ferret. Another question crossed her mind, if the bouncing ferret was Darcy then which character would receive Ron’s imprint or would he be left out of the story completely?

The Ball went much like it did in the book. Draco only danced once with Astoria and once with Ginny. Hermione had to hold in laughter at the visual aspect of a Weasley dancing with a Malfoy. If only she could take a picture of this moment. Too bad she didn’t have a magical camera, but she was sure if she did, it wouldn’t work anyway. She still had yet to test her magic but she did manage to find her wand and her small coin purse, she’d attached an undetectable extension charm to, both stuffed between her bosoms in one of her empire waist gowns. Draco was the epitome of haughty, as he spent most of the ball walking around the room, and looking down his nose at others. He did occasionally converse with one of the members of his party.

Hermione, as she followed the book, sat down during two dances and overheard the conversation between Bill and Draco. Bill h ad come from the dance to press Draco to join in with the dancing, “Come, Darcy. I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance.”***

“I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it, unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner. At such an assembly as this it would be insupportable. Your sisters are engaged, and there is not another woman in the room whom it would not be a punishment to me to stand up with.”***

Bill cried, “I would not be so fastidious as you are for a kingdom! Upon my honour, I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening; and there are several of them you see uncommonly pretty.”***

Malfoy’s drawl made an appearance, “You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room.”*** Hermione knew he spoke of Fleur as this particular scene was fully ingrained in her mind.

“Oh! She is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty, and I dare say very agreeable. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you.”

“Which do you mean?”*** Draco turned around and looked at Hermione momentarily until they made eye contact, which he quickly withdrew. Hermione was surprised the usual sneer wasn’t painted across the man’s face. He was aloof with his response, “She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me.”***

Hermione couldn’t help but muse how similar the two really were. Draco did act just as cold and guarded as Darcy throughout the majority of the book. However, Darcy was prejudiced by the other family members rather than blood status. Even if she did admit to finding Draco attractive, there wasn’t a chance that he would allow her to get close enough to get past his blood purity beliefs. They both grew up privileged with an abundance of wealth; however Draco was pushed toward a subservient role to a madman, whereas Darcy was left to care for his younger sister after the death of his parents. She had to admit she rarely saw Draco away from his small group of friends, and he was much likely to remain within his circle of acquaintance during a ball. She didn’t remember him approaching any of the females from either of the other schools during the Yule Ball their fourth year.

Hermione looked over and realized her assumption about who was playing Charlotte was correct as. Her good friend was none other than her dead friend Tonks. She tried to keep the tears at bay, but seeing someone she’d only lost a few months prior upset her greatly. She looked around the ball and made sure that no one saw the tears slipping from her eyes. Maybe they’d think that it was from the ill words she overheard Draco speak about her. However, she knew she needed to stop the tears, as Lizzy was a strong and independent woman who wouldn’t allow such words to upset her in such an emotional manner. She wouldn’t mind spreading the conversation she heard to her friends, but she was not one to cry because of his inconsiderate words. As it was likely that Darcy wasn’t aware that she could hear his conversation with Bingley, but Hermione wasn’t sure how many more of her dead friends she could see before she broke. How fair was it to have her loved ones, in this fictional world, when they were no longer a part of her reality?

A/N: Because of the purging of the other site I had this version of this fiction posted on, I have reposted the adult version with the minor sex scenes later here. This fiction is complete but I have to reformat it before fully posting it here. I don’t know how fast I will be able to do this so it may take me a few days to have the complete 20 chapter story posted.

*All dialogued marked is quoted from chapter one, **two, and **three of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice(1813). The scenes are also derived from those chapters. The only things original to me are Hermione's thoughts.
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The Joke Book Trap