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About Nightmares and Daydreams	By : McGonagall Category: Harry Potter > FemSlash - Female/Female Views: 10291 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, and I wish that I made any money from this. I don't.

Chapter List
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Chapter 1

Hermione Granger suddenly jolted upright in bed, mouth open in a wide but soundless scream. As she slowly got her bearings, she easily realized what must have happened again. It wouldn't be the very first time she even woke up from nightmares featuring everything that had happened last year. She fiercely tried to hold onto the remains of her nightmare, but most of it had already slipped away beyond retrieving. She most of the time didn't recall much more than little details, so this wasn't unusual. Hermione sighed, swinging both of her legs over the edge of her bed and letting her feet touch the wood beneath, before getting up with the aid of one hand. Ever since she had returned here, things had only gotten far worse, leaving her to wake up like this most every night. It couldn't go on like this.

Her chocolate brown eyes wandered to Ginny in the bed beside her, who only appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Of course her dreams must be filled with images of Harry and far lovelier things than Hermione's usually did. She had done her best not to worry anyone with the nightmares thus far, but of course if she really wanted them to leave her forever, there was no other choice but to share them with someone she trusted, and who would maybe know how this was like. She slowly began walking.

The Fat Lady eyed her sleepily and disapprovingly, as she left Gryffindor's Common Room through the portrait. She didn't say anything, though. And so neither did Hermione, before beginning to make her way through the corridor. She then only realized how cold it could be in the castle at night. The nightmare had had her tossing and turning, leaving her skin sweaty and clammy. It wasn't entirely unusual she felt terribly cold, as the layer of sweat that had formed onto her skin evaporated into thin air. She continued walking faster, moving both of her arms over her chest. She didn't particularly need anyone other seeing she was rather cold.

The large and ugly stone gargoyles guarding the tower to the Headmaster's chambers of course weren't going to be helping. Hermione sighed. What type of password would Minerva McGonagall choose? She began pacing backward and forth, thinking about different alternatives. "Cat!" Hermione suddenly said turning to the gargoyle nearest. No moving. Of course that one would have been too easy… Hermione then bit down onto her lower lip, thinking hard. She quietly directed her eyes to the gargoyle again, before wandering to the other. These two were unyielding, like should. "Gryffindor?" She tried. "Transfiguration?" She tried once again, as really nothing changed. "Quidditch?"

She sighed, slowly lowering her head, shaking it. "This would have been so much easier in the times of Dumbledore," she muttered, nearly jumping when suddenly the gargoyles came alive and showed her the passage to the secret Headmaster quarters. With a little smile tugging at the corners of her lips no matter the situation that had lead her there to begin with, Hermione slowly walked onto the moving stone staircase, letting it lead her to the door of the little Headmaster's office. She hadn't taken the time to look at a clock before coming here, she realized, just as the bell towers chimed and indicated it must be three in the morning. Hermione sighed. She should have thought about this, before just coming here. McGonagall wouldn't be happy to be woken at this hour of the night, she knew. She sighed, before raising her hand and knocking onto the door.

Soon enough, Hermione could hear unidentifiable sounds on the other side of Professor McGonagall's door. She slowly lowered her head and waited. Of course there would come one of her speeches about how inappropriate this was, and her nostrils would be flared dangerously. The door before her flew open, revealing Minerva in green and maroon checkered morning robes, feet bare. Hermione's eyes kept directed at her feet. That would be the safest right now. "Miss Granger!" Minerva uttered, and to the pupil's surprise she sounded more in shock than genuinely irritated for having been woken. "Do you have any idea how late it is?"

Hermione quietly raised her eyes to the Headmistress. Minerva's lengthy darker blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders. The eyeglasses which she usually wore at day were nowhere to be seen. "I do," Hermione whispered. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I–" she uttered, then turned on her heel and moved to leave the Headmistress' open doorway.

"Miss Granger!" Minerva verbalized, astounded. At that her pupil slowly turned again, eyes lowered. "Well, now you have awoken me already either way…"

"And, and," Hermione uttered, intuitively hiding the tears. She quietly shook her head in her hands, feeling the touch of Minerva's arm over her shoulders; if even Minerva McGonagall was feeling sorry for her… This wasn't what she actually had come for. She slowly raised her head again, eyes fluttering as rays of sunshine peaked their way into the chambers. She must have been here for hours without being aware of it.

"The battle's finally over, but the scars shall remain forever," McGonagall said, thoughtfully talking from own experience. "You just need to find yourself a way to deal with them. If I'm not mistaken, Mr. Weasley and you…" she began, having wanted to give the advice to hold onto what you still had and begin building from that again. She, however, didn't get the chance to, when Hermione already interrupted.

"No," she said, getting up from the couch and wrapping both arms over her chest again, then beginning to pace. Hermione then directed her eyes at McGonagall again, saying, "I didn't feel comfortable with him, and…"

"You should realize that not every man is like that," Minerva whispered, immediately getting right what Hermione wanted to say.

"Well," Hermione said, "It doesn't chase away the thoughts of forever going in celibacy, or becoming a lesbian."

McGonagall nodded. "Women usually go more careful about it."

At that Hermione's eyes widened. It sounded as if her former Transfiguration professor was talking from experience. She, however, determined to let it go… for now. "I…" she began once again. "Maybe I just wanted to be loved. And he really loved me, so… I let him, even though I didn't love him in that way. I must have mistaken loving with actually being in love…"

"That's a mistake many make, especially at your age," Minerva offered. "I would dare say that your decision to discontinue your relationship with him was a right one then."

"I didn't," Hermione replied. "Ron did. He felt…" she uttered, and that's when she began tearing up once again.

Minerva quietly raised from the couch as well, walking over to her pupil and thoughtfully patting her shoulder. Hermione immediately pushed her head in the elder woman's shoulder and began sobbing again. The Headmistress' eyes quietly wandered to the portraits, whose owners all appeared asleep, or they at least faked to be. She thus chose to whisper, "I'm aware of what it is like to be left in the cold on the far other end of such relationship. Albus never even gave me a chance, though. I have tried to convince him for half a century, but he never was willing to yield… He's most likely the only man I ever loved."

At that Hermione's chocolate brown eyes raised to meet hers in question. "You never loved anyone else?"

In any other situation than that, Minerva McGonagall's nostrils most likely would have flared, followed by a tirade of how this wasn't anyone's business but hers and very possibly detention for even considering to pose this kind of personal questions to a professor. She being in this situation nodded, though. "I did, but just not men," she admitted. "I never had any relationships with them, though," she continued. "Women." Both Minerva and Hermione too had their thoughts about possible reasons as to why, but both women left the matter linger between them unaddressed.

"You'll one day surely know how it feels like to meet a man or maybe woman who can make you feel comfortable enough to give yourself. You'll once know how it is like to be in love as well."

"I know how that feels like," Hermione said, suddenly letting go of Minerva. "And at times it feels just unbearable." Her chocolate brown eyes then connected with Minerva's. "I would dare say it is less bad to know your love isn't returned, then know that whatever you feel shall have to remain secret for the rest of your existence, because you're either not in the position to share it, or know that you'll never be worthy of the object of your desire, or both."

At that realization dawned upon Minerva McGonagall. "This is highly inappropriate, Miss Granger."

Hermione nodded. "I have said too much," she said, before turning on her heel and leaving the little Headmistress' office.

Hermione had taken solace with the fact nothing more could come between her and a professor, and then especially a female. That had altered when being near Minerva, feeling her… It hadn't been her intention, but it had happened now. McGonagall knew, and she most likely would try her best to let it rest; maybe would ignore her for the rest of her life. Minerva would still see her as a pupil, even after she had left the school, Hermione already knew. She had no chance with her, and that indeed pained her so much, that she didn't believe anything could be worse than that, not even your love not being returned. In fact this was a case like that as well. Professor McGonagall of course couldn't love her…

With Christmas approaching fast, Hermione possibly realized more than ever before that the end of her career at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry slowly came in sight. After that, she most likely never would lay eyes upon Minerva McGonagall again.

In the months following that night, she had only seen her Headmistress at the table in the Great Hall to eat, but basically nowhere else. She felt like she had to do something before it would be too late; maybe had to convince Minerva that this really wasn't just another teenage crush. Maybe that would make her softer, Hermione convinced herself… even though deep inside her she of course knew Minerva wouldn't change her mind about the matter.

She would wait until after Christmas.

The rest of the days to Christmas passed fairly fast, and so did the holidays as well. Sooner than one would have anticipated, their second semester at Hogwarts became fact. Hermione thus determined it had become time for action.
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About Nightmares and Daydreams