Werewolves Are Easy | By : cheapmedicine Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 2492 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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Lupin woke up with a smile on his face, looking forward to seeing Severus. The man was still a right bastard. Snarky, sarcastic and intentionally and unnecessarily unpleasant, Lupin could not ignore his growing regard for the man. He'd given so much for the war - they all had - but Snape had sacrificed the most. Not to mention he still brewed the Wolfsbane potion for Remus every month even though he had no real reason to do so. If nothing else this would make Remus eternally grateful and indebted to the Potions Master.
He stepped into the shower wondering exactly what he was going to find at Spinner's End. Snape had become a recluse after the war, locking himself away in that decrepit old heap he called a home, smoking and brewing the occasional potion (mostly the Wolfsbane). Remus could not keep himself from doing chores and fixing things up a bit every time he popped over.
He stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed and dressed quickly. He ran downstairs into the kitchen and fixed some breakfast, as well as some sandwiches for later. Snape was not known for keeping a lot food in the house. With that thought Remus decided he would stop by the grocer's on his way over. He ate his breakfast and packed the sandwiches, stepped onto the stoop of Grimmauld Place and aparated to Cokeworth.
He arrived on the outskirts of town and made his way down the high street to the market. He took his time doing his best to stick to selections that Severus might actually bring himself to eat even after he'd left. He'd hate to end up throwing it out next month because Snape had let it spoil. Errand done, he made his way to Spinner's End. He knew something was off as soon as he stepped into the street. He quickened his pace, breaking out into an outright run when he saw that Snape's door had been blasted open. He dropped the groceries and pulled out his wand before rushing inside.
He dodged a curse as soon as he walked through the door. "Expelliamus!" he shouted and pointed his wand at the culprit, who blocked the spell effortlessly.
"Expelliamus!" he heard from behind him. His wand was snatched from his grasp and flew across the room. Four men laughed as he spun around, confused. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to see next, but it certainly wasn't Severus sitting casually in his favorite chair, casually witnessing the spectacle.
"Not so tough now, are you, wolf?" one of them sneered.
"Yes, that's astute. Four against one. Your pride is surely justified," Severus replied.
"Severus, who are these people?" Remus panted.
"They're Death Eaters, idiot," he spat back, still staring at the one who'd spoken to Remus.
"This is rather fortunate." Remus spun around to see another man standing in the corner, his hair and eyes black as Severus's. "Professor Snape here was refusing to come quietly."
"Professor Snape is refusing to leave here quietly or otherwise," Severus retorted. "Barring death, of course. Then the issue of where my person lies is no longer my concern."
Remus shot his head back at Severus. "Severus. They're here to kill you. Do you understand that?"
Severus rolled his eyes. "Oh, piss off, Lupin. If this is about my drug consumption again . . .."
"This is about you being murdered!" Remus replied, exasperated.
"Alright, knock it off, you two," the dark haired man interjected. He seemed to be the leader of their little group. "You're not leaving here?" he asked Severus.
"I've already told you. I see no reason for me to leave my home. I'm comfortable here. My wand is put away. I'm not putting up a fight. Just get it over with. It isn't as though they won't figure out who was responsible for my death."
Remus stood, jaw dangling. "Sev . . . you . . . seriously?" he stammered, dumbfounded.
Severus shrugged. "It's going to happen eventually."
"Then you've made up my mind for me," the Death Eater continued. "The full moon's tomorrow night."
Severus's eyes rolled. "Bloody original, you are."
"Admittedly, it's a bit lazy," the Death Eater replied. "But it's efficient. He'll kill you. And if he finds a way to escape . . .."
"You can't leave a werewolf loose in the middle of town!" Remus exclaimed.
"I think you're missing the point, Lupin," Severus replied casually.
The Death Eater tapped his finger on the side of his nose. "Severus knows this game very well, Lupin, you'd do well to listen to him."
Remus, confused and disgusted, stared at the man.
"What, you think he's never killed anyone he wanted to see die? You think he's never murdered in cold blood?" the man asked. Remus continued simply to stare. "It's a job requirement. And it's in his nature."
The man looked over at Severus who, now, was looking at him blankly. "Oh, is that a flicker of guilt I detect?"
Severus snorted. "Look around yourself. Am I a man with a clean conscience?"
The Death Eater chuckled. "Fair enough." He turned and surveyed the room. "Perfect place for being ripped apart brutally by a vicious beast."
Severus smiled and nodded. "I knew you'd see it my way."
"Never let it be said a Death Eater is unwilling to reach a mutually acceptable conclusion."
"Severus, no," Remus begged. "You can't do this . . .."
"His house, his rules."
Remus lunged at the nearest Death Eater and was quickly bound by invisible ropes. He struggled against the bonds knowing there was little hope he would break free. He looked up at the other man. "Severus, please. The Ministry will order me destroyed."
They maintained eye contact for a few moments. He could read nothing of Severus's expression and was shocked when Severus looked away. "Why would you want to give up the opportunity to kill me yourself, anyway? Won't your little friends be far more impressed if you return with my head?"
Remus's heart began racing faster. Severus was answering his pleas. "Oh, I'll take your head, make no mistake," the Death Eater replied. "I'll pick it up in two days. Assuming it's still there." Severus smirked. "You don't really believe you're getting everything you ask for, do you?"
"I'll breathe my last in my home."
The Death Eater stared at him for a second, then laughed loudly. The others followed. "That is quite the win."
"You have no idea," Severus drawled lazily. Remus looked on in disbelief. Severus was just going to sit there and do nothing as these men planned their deaths. Remus doubled his efforts to break free. He wandlessly made a couple of books fly off the shelf. They missed the mark of hitting any of the Death Eaters, but it did provide a distraction, not that it helped at all. In fact all it seemed to accomplish was to further amuse the Death Eaters.
"Let's go boys," the ring leader said. Remus struggled even as he watched them seal his fate, sealing him in the house with Severus and pouring the Wolfsbane out on the floor. They then removed Remus's bonds just before they stepped through the Floo.
Remus jumped up knowing there was no chance of getting his hands on his enemies, but making a lunge for the fireplace anyway. He turned to face the room again just in time to see Severus take another hit.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you? We could have taken them easily. Hell, you could have taken them easily without me. My help would have been almost superfluous!" he shouted desperately. "Why? Why would you just sit there?"
Severus sighed. "Because I'm tired. I'm extremely tired. And I don't want to do this anymore." He shrugged at Remus's stunned expression. "I don't much care what happens."
"I care! I care what happens! Did you not stop to think about that?"
Severus stared. "Not really," he drawled. "Don't worry. You aren't getting out. You won't kill anyone else."
"I'll kill you! You will be killed. I won't be able to stop myself."
"That's what I'm aiming for." Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing. Given the state of Severus's life, however, he knew he shouldn't have been at all surprised. "Think of it as a suicide."
Remus advanced on the man, grabbing the front of his robes and hauling him to his feet. "You selfish bastard. You lousy, self absorbed, apathetic prick! You're not just throwing your own life away here. Best case scenario I'm executed. Worst case I spend the rest of my life in Azkhaban. Scratch that. Worst case I'm given the kiss. This is my life in the balance here too." The man just stared at him blankly. Remus fought the urge to shake him, hard.
Severus stared at him as though he hadn't considered. "Would you like me to write a note?" he asked.
Lupin dropped him back in his chair. "I'd like for you to help me come up with a solution."
"Correct. That was one solution."
Remus raked his hands through his hair taking a seat in the only other chair in the room. "I was hoping for a more constructive solution. Preferably one that doesn't involve me killing you. I don't much fancy being a murderer."
Severus sighed. "I can't say that I blame you. But I don't see much of a solution at the second."
Remus stared at him for a moment before standing up and taking Severus's pipe out of his hand just as the man was lifting it to his mouth. "You can lay off for a few hours," he said moving towards Snape's stash box. "Help me come up with a plan and you can have it back."
"That was terribly rude," Severus remarked through clenched teeth. "And very ill-advised."
With that, Lupin hauled ass upstairs, taking Severus's Herb with him. He locked himself in the first room he came to.
Severus took a few moments to collect himself before he pursued Lupin up the stairs to the loo. He beat on the door. "Open the bloody door and give me back my things!"
"Not until we figure out a plan," the werewolf yelled through the door. "It won't kill you to sober up for a bit, you know."
"No, but it might kill you," Severus said affecting a warning tone. "Now let me in."
"Bugger off or I'll flush it down the toilet."
Severus was growing furious, but maintained his composure. "I can have Longbottom over here in seconds, Lupin. Just get out here!"
"We're locked in! Do you really think Neville is just going to be able to stop in? If outside communication were possible I wouldn't need to take your bloody stash in the first place. I wouldn't need your help at all!"
Severus laughed derisively and rested his head against the door frame. How had he not considered that Neville couldn't get in himself before speaking? And when did Lupin grow so sharp?
He hadn't grown any sharper; Severus knew this to be true for certain. Perhaps a few hours' break would benefit him to some extent. He sighed. How, he wondered, had he managed to brew an effective Wolfsbane potion without being able to really pay attention to a glaring detail like the one Lupin had pointed out? Rote memorization, he reckoned.
He cleared his throat. "Fine. Hide it or something and get out here so we can figure this out, if you insist."
"Go back downstairs," he said. "I'll join you in a minute."
Fighting the urge to kick the door (preferring to maintain his trademark stoicism), he spun around sharply and lazily descended the stairs, having a seat in his favorite chair. He looked over to the fireplace where a fire was just flickering out. Perhaps Lupin would light another. He couldn't be bothered, though he did really want one.
Some time later (and after many loud noises from upstairs), Lupin finally came back to the living room. The first thing he did was light another fire. Then he turned his attention to Severus.
"So, other than the non suggestions you made earlier, do you have any ideas?"
Severus shook his head. Did the bloody idiot really not comprehend the level of apathy he was contending with? It wasn't that he wantedLupin to have to live with the guilt of killing him, he just couldn't find a way to make himself averse to it. "What about you?"
"I do have one idea, but I was hoping to throw it out as a last resort, especially as you're not going to like it," Lupin said shiftily before finally sitting down in the other chair.
No surprise there. "I can't say I'm overwhelmingly fond of most of your ideas with honesty," he began, "but I'm happy to entertain anything that will shut you up."
"wecouldmate." The words came out a jumbled mess. Had he heard that correctly?
"I'm afraid you're going to have to speak more clearly if you expect me to understand you."
"We could mate." That was what he thought he'd heard. "If we mate then I will be less likely to assault you, especially if you're submissive to my wolf form. I have no fear in your ability to conform to that last bit, at any rate."
Severus looked at him, failing to even absorb the suggestion due to his frustration with Lupin's character assessment. "And what evidence have you for that?"
"The fact that you just sat there and let four third rate Death Eaters seal us into your house with no Wolfsbane potion two days before the full moon. Because once I give you your pipe back you'll be too high to care if it works or not."
Severus raised an eyebrow. Obviously Lupin was paying attention. Unfortunately, he hadn't grown any sharper than he'd ever been. "You're confusing passiveness with indifference."
"A rather superfluous point if the behaviour is the same."
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not sleeping with you."
"Surely there are worse things. You don't even have to be sober if you don't want to be."
He shook his head. There was no way he was going to bed with Remus Lupin. There wasn't enough trust between the two of them for one to hold a ladder for the other, let alone make what was tantamount to a marriage vow with no possibility of divorce. "I'll never be able to be sober again," he explained. "I'm willing to die. What worse things could concern me?"
Lupin sat back and thought about this. Severus was beginning to think he'd already won the argument when the other man finally spoke.
"That you would be proving everyone right."
A curious statement. "About what?"
"That deep down you're nothing but a coward."
Severus wanted to be angry, but he could only smile ironically. "Says the man who couldn't say 'boo' to his best friends."
"I'm sorry that when I was fifteenI chose not to be ostracized by my only friends in lieu of helping a kid who probably would have hexed me for my efforts anyway," the man replied sarcastically.
"What profound trust you have for me, Lupin, it's a wonder we haven't already chosen to spend the rest of our lives together," Severus drawled furiously. "Next idea."
"How's your wandless magic these day?" he asked.
It was a question Severus couldn't answer with any certainty. He'd considered using it to get his pipe back but he really hadn't imagined Lupin holding out so effectively. Not that it took much these days. "I have no idea," he answered.
"Well now might be a good time to find out, don't you think?"
"I don't see why not. Assuming your plan doesn't involve me getting you off."
"I can't come up with a plan until I know what our tools are," he said exasperated. "I don't care what spell you try, just try something. Do anything other than just sit there."
Severus pursed his lips, annoyed. Suddenly, a book flew into the back of Lupin's head. "Well, I can throw things at you, at least."
"Can you break through any of the enchantments locking us in?" he said hopefully, rubbing the back of his head.
He focused for several long minutes on various nonverbal incantations. Though he could move objects, extinguish and re-light the fire and change Lupin's hair color to a variety of shades without his knowledge (the incessant chuckling did lead to a few questions, however), he could not seem to break any of the enchantments. "Sorry."
"Not as sorry as I am," Remus said before standing and beginning to pace. "Any chance your keen and penetrating mind has come up with any clever ideas?"
With a deep breath, Severus tried to ignore Lupin, choosing instead to stare into the fire. It was no use; not as long as the man continued brooding or panicking or whatever the hell he was doing.
"Why don't you fetch that pipe, have a smoke and just relax for a minute? We've got time to figure this out."
"That's your answer to everything now, is it? I can't see where it's done you any good."
"And how is being sober working out for you?"
"At least I came up with something, however distasteful you may find the idea."
Another sigh had Severus wondering why he hadn't simply tried to defend himself and Lupin. That would certainly have gotten them killed, considering how alert he wasn't and how unlikely someone like Lupin was to actually kill if necessary.
"You don't find the idea distasteful?" he couldn't help wondering, even though he knew it didn't matter.
"I can't say I'm entirely averse to the idea," Remus hedged, once more taking his seat.
"Because you'd do anything to survive," Severus concluded, standing up from his chair. He moved over to where Lupin sat and towered over him. "You're asking me to smoke my common sense away and make a lifelong commitment. No life? Or miserable life?" he asked. "If those are the only options - and they seem to be - do you really prefer to be miserable?"
"It wouldn't have to be miserable. You're not my favorite person in the world, true, but I do have a certain regard for you. Though you may merely put up with my presence once a month, I've grown fond of the time we spend together."
Severus laughed. Fond? He could find no evidence for that in his best recollection (though he had to acknowledge he'd never bothered to think about it). He hadn't even considered being friendly to the man. Childhood and adolescence was a trying time without being tortured by bullies. Not that Lupin would understand something like that. After all, he'd done everything in his power to enable his 'only friends'. He hadn't spent almost all of his life alone, living up to his pigeonhole.
He shook off the bitter memories.
Fond of their time? Only the time. This was no reason to initiate an unbreakable contract! "How is it you can even consider doing this with someone you don't even like? How could you spend your life with someone who isn't your favorite person? How can you expect to be anything other than miserable?" Severus had grown used to being miserable, granted, but he was miserable and alone. Much less responsibility that way.
"Because I'm willing to make the effort to not be miserable. Because for all that you don't care about your life, I do. Even if you want to spend the rest of your life sitting in this chair smoking, it's important to me that you live."
Of course it was. Who else would brew his Wolfsbane free of charge?
"I just want to be in love with the person I spend the rest of my life with." Severus frowned. "I realize that's . . . picky, but it's what I want."
Remus Lupin wasn't an unattractive man, but physical attraction wasn't Severus's hang-up. If it were, he suddenly realized, then he would likely have no trouble carrying out the plan. He raised an eyebrow.
He was attracted to Lupin.
"Really?" he whispered to himself. Before Lupin could ask him to speak up, he continued. "I get that I'm not someone who seems like that would matter to, but it does. A lot."
"It actually doesn't surprise me in the least. Nor do I consider it to be picky," he paused searching for the right words. "But there is always the possibility that we could grow to love one another. If nothing else, I'm a helluva good shag, or so I've been told."
Severus allowed himself a small smile before he replied. "There's no reason we can't get to know one another a little better before I make any final decisions," he said, resolving it was the most sane middle ground they would reach.
Remus sighed in relief. Perhaps they might both make it out of this after all. He leaned back in his chair, allowing himself to relax for the first time since he'd gotten there.
"What do you want to know, Severus?"
Remus watched as the man considered the question very seriously. "So much," he muttered. "Everything." Severus sat down again and stared inquisitively at Remus. "I don't think I really know anything about you at all," he admitted. "Who do you think you are?" he asked.
"Who do I think I am . . .. I've never really thought about it I suppose," Remus said softly. Now that he was thinking about it, he wasn't really sure how to answer. He was a wizard, a werewolf, a widower, but who was Remus Lupin? He thought about it for quite awhile before answering.
"I am a man who tries to learn from his mistakes, though I'm not always successful. I'm a man who likes to take care of people, even though I often ballocks it up," he said, laughing at himself. "I'm a man who hasn't given up hope."
He looked over at Severus hoping to see some sort of reaction, but he was resolutely looking down in his lap hiding behind his hair. As much as he wished it was washed more, Severus's hair really was one of his better features. "Who do you think you are, Severus Snape?"
He made no move nor did he speak. He merely kept his eyes to the ground, only looking up as Remus was beginning to suspect Severus had no intention of answering any questions. "I'm a man who knows enough to realize he doesn't know himself at all. It's admirable that you do."
"That's probably the most honest thing he's ever said to me," Remus thought as he watched the man quickly bow his head again. Remus stood up and went to kneel in front of Severus. He angled his head to catch his eye before asking, "Who do you want to be?"
Severus's stare was blank. He licked his lips. "Excuse me," he said as he stood. He crossed the room and poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey, which he drank in one go. He poured another, then another glass, which he handed to Remus. Severus sat back down and cleared his throat. "I want to be peaceful."
"What if I vowed to try to bring you that?"
He was surprised to hear Severus chuckle nervously, then to see him shake his head. "I've got a long time to think about that. In the meantime," he continued, "why didn't you give me the benefit of the doubt in school?"
"Because I was a coward."
"True enough," Severus replied with a sigh. "What's the worst that could have happened?"
"I could have been exposed. If I truly pissed off James and Sirius do you really think they would have hesitated to tell everyone what I was?" he said bitterly. "They were my best friends, but I have no illusions about their character."
Severus wore a disappointed expression. "What friends they were," he drawled, annoyed. "Exactly what I would expect of them. So they were your best friends though you thought them tossers and believed they would betray you if you displayed an ounce of human kindness. Now you're here asking someone you don't really like to make a commitment to you." Severus raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."
"I may not like you, but I do respect you, I would even go so far as to say I care about you. I also suspect that you might care about me as well. If only a little."
"What reason do you have to suspect that?"
"You brew a very complicated, very expensive potion for me for free every month, despite my offers to pay you. You never kick me out even when I know you've grown tired of my company." Remus reached up and stroked the side of Severus's face. "Because you're having this conversation with me."
Severus's eyes shifted to Remus's arm. He closed his eyes and finished his drink. "I'm doing you a favor," he replied, eyes opening and settling on Remus's. "Yes, I'm always doing you favors, but that's what they are. That potion . . . it's a challenge. I brew it for sport."
"So you just hand out favors to all of your old school mates? Perhaps other members of The Order? I know for a fact that I am your only constant contact in the outside world who isn't either hounding you to employ you or selling you herb. Face it, you've grown accustomed to having me around."
"Accustomed, yes. You're now confusing tolerance with caring."
Remus sighed and stood up, removing his hand from Severus. "Whatever you want to call it, it's a start. In some respects we're quite alike. We both enjoy leading a quiet and private life. We enjoy reading, wizard chess, we've been known to have an intelligent conversation or two in the past. It's not the best solution, but nor does it have to be the complete disaster you obviously expect it to be."
Remus walked away from him and drained his drink. "Are you attracted to me at all?" Remus thought he saw the man stiffen for the briefest of moments, but couldn't be sure that it wasn't a trick of the light.
Severus maintained his stoic expression. "No," he finally answered.
"Fine, write your bloody note." With that statement Remus headed upstairs and locked himself in the guest room. He took out Severus's pipe and took a hit. "It's not like there's any reason not to now," he thought to himself as he tried to resign him to his most likely fate.
Severus sulked in the den, uncertain as to why he'd chosen to lie to Remus. He wasn't just attracted to him; in that moment, he was completely turned on.
He stayed there alone for the rest of the afternoon, trying to find a book to distract himself. Nothing worked. Finally, as the sun went down, he went in pursuit of Remus.
At the guest door Severus knocked three times. "Let me in, please," he asked.
Remus slowly came to the door. It was obvious he had raided the Snape pharmacopia. "Please join me. We might as well make the best of our last days." He gestured for Severus to go into the room, pipe in hand, and closed the door behind them.
"Any chance I can get some of that?" he asked. Remus considered him for a moment before taking a long pull on the pipe. He then pulled Severus to him and kissed him, allowing Severus to shot gun the hit.
Severus's head rolled back as they broke apart, his face to the ceiling. "Why do you find me attractive?" he asked as he exhaled. His head rolled back around, but he kept his eyes to the ground.
"I'm not entirely sure," he said before sitting down on the bed. "Does it matter at this point?"
Severus shrugged and took the pipe. "I'm just curious. I don't suppose it does matter."
"Why are you up here?"
He smoked to buy himself a bit of time. "I suppose I was a bit lonely," Severus nervously confessed.
Remus patted the bed next to him. "You don't have to be lonely. Not tonight. Not ever again. That's something I can promise you."
Severus played his tongue against the back of his teeth as he stared at Remus greedily. His heart was racing, his head light. The words caused a stir in every imaginable erogenous zone. He tried not to distract himself with how absurd that seemed to him. Apprehensively, he went to the bed and sat beside Remus. "At the moment, I don't particularly want to die."
Remus looked at him wearily. "Tell me exactly what you wish for me to infer from that statement."
"I'm serious about getting to know you better. Even if this doesn't pan out for some reason. But it'd be interesting if it did pan out." Severus stared at Remus, wondering why he'd crossed the room at the man's command. "But we absolutely must know one another."
Remus took Severus's hand and pulled him to sit down next to him. Slowly he took the pipe out of Severus's hand and put it on the bedside table. He leaned in to kiss him properly. Severus pulled away.
"I will not mark you. At least, not without your consent, but I thought this might be a pleasant way to continue getting to know one another," he said reaching his hand out to tuck his hair behind his ear. Severus began to relax again and did not pull away when Remus leaned in and kissed him gently.
"Remus," Severus whispered when they broke apart. He sighed. "Tell me about your family. Are you close?" He stayed near to Remus.
"No, not anymore. Things were different after I was bitten. My father blamed himself. My mother blamed him too. The fact that they were convinced I'd never be able to attend Hogwarts put a great strain on things as well. The fact that I did get in just drove us apart farther. Without me there to give them a reason to behave civilly they became colder and colder towards each other and I just let myself drift away from them. For all their other faults, The Marauders were far more understanding of my hairy little problem than my own family ever was. So I created my own family, which now includes Harry, the Weasleys, and you."
"You consider me family?"
"Yes," he said shifting uncomfortably. "For quite awhile now."
"Why?" Remus looked over to meet Severus's eyes which he was trying to hide behind his hair again.
"Because, for whatever reason you deem to do so, you and you alone ease my transformations. You're the one who best gives me the care I need to stay sane during my worst moments."
Fighting his smile was impossible. He didn't want to, anyway. "It's the fact that someone needs me. That's why I brew the Wolfsbane every month. I like to be needed. I have a knack for making myself necessary." He looked down at the space between them and slipped his hand on to Remus's thigh. "It feels odd to admit, but I have grown to like you."
"It's a start," Remus said placing his hand over Severus's. "May I kiss you again? Since this might be my last night as a free man I might as well get all the enjoyment out of it that I can."
Severus considered Remus's request for a few moments. "It's been a long time since I've done this much kissing," Severus confessed. "If we keep it up I'm going to get comfortable with it." Severus leaned over and kissed Remus deeply. He sighed after the kiss broke. "Did you fool around with Sirius Black in school?" he asked, apropos of nothing. "General curiosity," he explained. "Your answer will not be held against you."
"There might have been a few drunken incidents, but nothing I could count on." Remus looked over at Severus slyly. "What about you and Lucius?"
Severus chuckled. "You know we didn't make secrets of it in Slytherin? It wasn't spoken of . . . open secrets, I suppose." Remus raised an eyebrow. "Often."
"Is he a natural blonde?"
Severus snorted. "That's tacky," he replied. "Anyone other than Black?"
"Not in school, no. With one thing and another there wasn't really anyone until Tonks, and that was," he paused looking for the right words. The truth of the matter was that he got involved with Tonks because of loneliness and married her because she thought she was pregnant, but he'd never really loved her. "A unique situation," he ended lamely.
The look Severus gave him told him he understood rather well what Remus meant. He found it exceptionally comforting. "Besides, the man I've had an on again/off again crush on for years has always seemed off limits. So most of my experience has been of the one night stand variety. What about you? How many hearts have you broken?"
Severus shrugged. "I slagged about for a few months after the war," he replied casually. "Hadn't had the chance to since school before that. It was time to get it all out of my system. Over that time, one serious-ish relationship which only went on for a few months." He cleared his throat. "I'm not incorrect in deducing you're talking about me, am I? Your on again/off again crush, I mean."
"No, you're not," he admitted sheepishly. "Any chance that confession will at least get me a shag?"
Severus laughed. "Seems the wrong route to take, if that's all you're after. Who is it?"
"It's you. You were not incorrect in your deductions. I wouldn't go as far as to say your the love of my life or anything, but my mind always finds it way back to you."
Severus pursed his lips and nodded. "You don't know who the love of your life is. You're not dead yet."
"Not yet," he agreed in a light hearted tone that belied his fears that he soon would be. He looked away and took another hit passing the bowl to Severus without looking at him. He held it in longer than he thought he was capable and laid back on the bed as he exhaled slowly. "Why do you insist that I pick up my potion in person every month when you could easily send it by owl?"
Severus took the pipe and smoked. "I like the look of you," he admitted as he exhaled.
"Well that's something." He closed his eyes and felt rather than saw Severus lean across him to put the pipe back on the table. "I don't know what he expects me to say at this point," he thought to himself. "I've laid all my cards on the table."
Severus slid closer to Remus and placed his hand in the small of his back. "I always have liked the look of you," he confessed nervously. His heart raced so much the temperature seemed to increase. For a few moments he was hung up again on their youth, remembering how difficult Remus had made things for him not just as a Marauder, but just for his entire physical presence. The truth was that his spite had increased a hundred-fold after the incident at the Shrieking Shack. He wasn't just afraid after that; Severus was completely heartbroken. "And I always wondered what kissing you would be like." He kissed Remus again. "It's perfect," he sighed.
Remus took that as the invitation that Severus had hoped he would and kissed him again. This time it was different. It wasn't the little coaxing kisses he'd been receiving all evening, but rather a full on assault of his senses. It was nearly thirty years of bottled up frustrations and Severus groaned as Remus rolled him over onto his back and straddled him.
"I'm not giving you the chance to back out of shagging me now," the werewolf said before kissing him again while making quick work of the buttons on his shirt. Before Severus knew it, he was bare chested in front of the man he'd been lusting after since his third year. Remus was slowly kissing his way down as his hands explored at will. He pulled back momentarily to divest himself of his own shirt and Severus took that time to get rid of his completely as well.
Sitting up, he had more control of the situation and pulled Remus to him once more. He groped Remus's cock through the thick material of his trousers. Remus gasped at the contact, unfulfilling as it was, and threw his head back as Severus reached even lower and fondled his balls. It seemed that Remus preferred a firm grip.
"Severus, I hope you weren't hoping for slow and gentle," he said standing up and removing his trousers.
"I rarely do," Severus smirked as he felt his own pants yanked off as well.
"Good," Remus said before taking his boxers off and throwing them to join Severus's.
His thoughts got away with him as they rolled together in the bed. He recalled the way he felt about Remus all those years ago, how desperately he'd wanted him, how he'd written it off as a schoolboy fascination. The reality seemed he was just as attracted to the man as he had been when they were only boys … more so. Why'd he wasted so many years hating him? "Oh, yeah," he thought, "Sirius Black."
He looked down at Remus as his tongue travelled the length of his body, lingering around his nipples, his neck, his thigh . . .. He moaned when Remus took the tip of his cock in his mouth and flicked it with his tongue. "You're as good at that as I've fantasized."
Remus smiled wickedly before continuing his ministrations. It truly was better than he'd fantasized. Severus moaned as Remus roughly inserted one of his fingers into his asshole. Remus grinned around his cock not once stopping as he added a second finger. He leaned back and closed his eyes, marvelling in the sensations this man was evoking. He moaned again louder as a third finger was added and Remus began stroking his prostate.
Then it was abruptly over. Remus withdrew from him and dragged him to the edge of the bed, angling his hips before thrusting into Severus.
"Touch yourself," Remus commanded. He'd never imagined that Remus would be so dominant. Were he asked before, he would have said he wasn't a fan of the idea. Now, however, he couldn't imagine a more satisfying experience. There was something to be said for not having to make any decisions. Severus didn't even consider not complying and began stroking himself to the pace of Remus's thrusts.
"Remus." He mumbled the man's name. For so many years he'd been going out of his way not to call him Remus. Schoolboy Lupin was Remus. Post-Shrieking Shack Lupin was not so innocent and beautiful. Until now. "Do it harder," he asked as he dug his nails into Remus's thighs. Remus complied. They panted and grunted for a few moments. Remus's grip on Severus's legs grew tighter by the second.
Why the hell not?
"Do it," Severus said.
"What?"
"Do it, mark me." Remus pulled out of him abruptly. Severus was quickly pulled to his feet and made to bend over the bed. Remus took the time to trace the scars already on his neck before stroking his finger down Severus's spine. Remus leaned over him and began kissing his neck, lining his cock up with Severus's opening. Then he was being penetrated and bitten at the same time. It was excruciating both for the pain and the eroticism. Then he felt Remus's hand on his own cock as the werewolf began to lick his newest wound. Remus set a demanding pace and it wasn't long before they both came to a very satisfying completion.
Remus held him up while he withdrew before they fell together onto the bed, panting. He grinned as he realized the magnitude of what he'd just done. "This is insane," he remarked as he rested his hand on Remus's thigh and stroked. "This morning I thought I'd be going to bed alone, same as usual. Now I'm . . . committed. For life." He laughed.
"I think that's the first time I've ever heard you laugh Severus. I hope it's not the last," Remus said before kissing him. "Even if it doesn't work at least we'll die satisfied and together."
"What are the chances that it won't work?"
"My understanding is they're slim, but I've never marked anyone before. Just smoke a lot and act submissive. We should make it out of this alright. Now get some rest," he said, kissing him again. "I plan on having you several times more before morning and we still have to figure out what we're going to do about the Death Eaters when they return for your head."
Severus woke before Remus the following morning. He decided to make breakfast. He didn't cook often, but they had to eat, and it'd be nice to have a final home-cooked meal. Or a couple of final home-cooked meals. Regardless, he was hungry and Remus was sure to be, as well.
While he cooked, his mind occupied with thoughts of the previous day. He was submitting to a load of - Remus had put it so aptly - second rate Death Eaters. How had he become so apathetic to life? Though he could remember feeling it fiercely the day before, he was surprised to find he felt it not at all now. For the first time in years, he awoke with the desire to survive the day. It was interesting.
Fifteen minutes and Severus was finishing breakfast. Remus was just coming down the steps.
"That smells delicious," he said before hugging Severus from behind. He nipped him on the ear before setting the table. It surprised him that the man knew where everything was.
"How do you know where everything is?" he inquired.
"Who do you think has been doing your dishes for the past eight months?"
Severus shrugged. "I think I realized that on some level. It adds up," he concluded. "Thank you for that. You didn't have to."
"I wanted to. Like you said, it's nice to be needed."
They ate their breakfast in silence.
Indeed, most of the day was spent in silence. They spent it in bed, mostly reading, each with his own book. Severus sat upright while Remus laid his head on Severus's chest. Severus manipulated Remus's hair for hours. At one point, books were cast aside as Remus again exhibited profound dominance, kissing Severus deeply, hand wrapped around his throat, body grinding against Severus's own. They took a break only to bathe, but there was no use; Remus was insatiable. "Is it always like this?" Severus asked.
"Almost, but I do tend to be more intense around the full moon."
It wasn't until they pulled themselves out of bed to eat again that they tackled their plan for the returning Death Eaters. By the time they finished hashing out their plan it was almost time for Remus's transformation.
Remus placed his hands on either side of Severus's head. "Just remember, act submissive and everything should be fine," he said kissing him. Severus nodded his understanding. Remus rested his forehead on Severus's. Again, they kissed. Severus pulled Remus closer to him and tightened his grip.
There was no telling what was about to happen . . . outside of the obvious, of course: a fully transformed werewolf would be destroying his guest room. He squeezed Remus again. That he might actually end up dying at Remus's hands panged him at his core. Remus would be beside himself when he saw what he'd done. He might not allow himself to live long enough to face those Death Eaters. Or would he choose to fight them, anyway, to avenge Severus? In any event, his death would be eminent. Against four, he stood no chance.
As they broke apart they stepped back into one another, again resting their foreheads together. They both breathed nervously. Severus kissed Remus just before he locked him in the guest room. They weren't convinced it would hold him in, but Remus insisted on it. "Just to be on the safe side," he'd said.
Severus was possibly the highest he'd been since the war ended when he heard the first sounds of Remus's transformation. Without any thought at all he raced upstairs and stopped just shy of opening the door. The sounds of agony coming from inside were more than he could bear. "It must be a side effect of the mating," he thought to himself. The night Wormtail got away Remus's cries hadn't fazed him a bit, now it felt as if someone were literally ripping out his heart.
Every instinct he possessed told him to open the door and go to his mate. What few rational thoughts were left in his head were telling him to run and lock himself in his lab. What he actually did was lay down on the floor right next to the door. His ear was to the ground, his eye staring under the door. Two giant, grey paws neared the door as silence fell. A black nose traced the threshold, sniffing fiercely. Moony whimpered a few times and pawed at the door. Perhaps, he thought, he could test Remus's temperament. Slowly, he slid his hand under the door, palm down. More sniffing. Much, much more sniffing.
Then the licking began.
Severus smiled. He pulled his hand from under the door and - curiosity overwhelming - smelled it. It smelled of Remus, as usual.
Severus felt a jolt against the door as Remus snarled and whimpered and threw himself into the door. He caught his breath and closed his eyes, trying to determine whether to lay on the floor with his hand under a door all night or simply endure Remus's cries. For an hour he fought the urge to run in, hoping instead to keep his promise to Remus. At last, he could take no more. Severus stood up quickly and opened the door.
It creaked as it opened into the room. All was silent as Severus and Moony laid eyes on one another for the first time in more than two decades. Severus stood before him, mouth gaping, awed. "Magnificent creature," he whispered, amazed upon his first, most careful inspection.
Very gradually, Severus approached Remus - Moony - with his arm up and his palm down. Safest way to approach a canine, he imagined. He delicately stroked Moony's muzzle with the back of his hand. Moony leaned in to his touch and closed his eyes.
Severus let out a deep breath he had no idea he'd been holding. Moony turned away and crossed the room. From the bed he pulled the duvet, which he dragged across the room with his teeth. Severus smiled as he watched Moony nudge the blanket around, positioning it 'just so', walked around in fifteen or so circles before laying down and looking up at Severus. He took this as an invitation to join.
Severus laid on his back beside Moony and scratched his back. Moony licked the bite on Severus's neck. They remained there quietly for the rest of the night, both eventually falling asleep.
When Remus woke up he was expecting, at best to be injured and alone. At worst covered in blood with a murder on his conscience. He certainly didn't imagine he would wake up wrapped in Severus's arms. He looked over at his mate who was already awake.
"You promised," he said.
"I couldn't...you were..." Severus trailed off looking for the right words. Remus only had to look in his eyes to understand what the man couldn't say.
"You could have been hurt."
"So could you."
"I'm used to it."
"So am I."
Remus growled before kissing his partner. Unlike their previous sessions this one was slow and loving, Remus damn near worshiping Severus's body until neither of them could possibly feel any more pleasure. Unfortunately that gave them very little time to prepare for their visitors.
They ransacked the downstairs giving off the impression that Remus had in fact gone on the rampage then took up positions on either side of the fireplace and waited. They didn't have to wait long.
Remus's heart raced as the door opened. "What's this?" he heard one ask. They must have found the note Severus insisted on leaving, floating in the air just inside of the door. "Weverwolves are easy," he read aloud, "Try harder next time."
"Expelliamus!" Severus shouted, catching Remus off-guard. Severus caught their wands. Remus smiled at them. "You need to do better than that if you intend to kill me," Severus explained.
Severus bound them and placed them in the center of the room while Remus contacted Harry to fetch them.
"I'm at Severus's. We need you to come right away," Remus urged.
Harry looked puzzled. "Are you sure? Because he and I haven't been on the best of terms . . .."
"I assure you, he's welcoming you. In fact, you're needed desperately, Harry."
Harry frowned. "I'm really not comfortable without Severus asking me him . . .."
"Potter!" Severus shouted, stepping in front of the fireplace. "This is an emergency. There are four Death Eaters tied up in my sitting room. They tried to kill us," he explained plainly. "Now is not the time for your absurdity. Act as an adult and do as your job requires."
"Yes sir. I'll be over in a minute." Remus and Severus stepped back from the fireplace just as a green flames ignited and Harry stepped into the living room. "Not what is this all . . .." He trailed off as he looked up from dusting off his clothes and took in the scene. He didn't say anything more. Instead he just looked to Remus to explain what happened.
Remus tried to tell him as succinctly as possible of what had transpired the previous forty eight hours. He skimmed over the mating bit as best he could, but he knew Harry had caught it and finished his story with more than a little trepidation. He really couldn't be sure how Harry would react to all of this. Harry waited until Remus was done before turning to Severus.
"I could use a smoke. And don't try to tell me you don't have any, because I know for a fact you're one of Neville's customers. Not to mention that your house reeks of it," he said. Then without looking back he added, "And you can stop glaring at me Remus, I'm not on the clock. You called me at home, on a Sunday, to clean up Death Eaters and tell me that you've made a life long commitment to Severus. Those are not mental images I ever wanted to have."
Remus couldn't help but smile at how simple Harry made it all sound. Like this was a conversation he had everyday. Everything was going to be all right.
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