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What Would Really Happen?	By : joker18655 Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 25926 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor profit from it. Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling

Chapter List
- 1-What Would Really Happen?
- 1
THIS IS A COMEDY. YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S SILLY BUT IT'S LIKE THAN ON PURPOSE. ENJOY :)

Let’s face it, if magic were real, very few people would actually use it to fight evil or make the world a better place. They’d probably be busy using it for their own self-interest. This is the more realistic story of the Wizarding World.

Let’s start with Harry Potter. He’s a teenage boy, who’s going through puberty. His hormones are acting out and he’s almost always horny. Do you think he’s actually going to use magic to fight evil? Pha!

In his free time, what do you think Harry would actually be doing? Let’s imagine it, shall we?

What Harry actually does with his gift of magic:

Day 1:

Harry was in the library studying, supposedly. He stops kidding himself and shuts the book he’s staring at. He scans through the shelves until he finds a book called, “Guide for Teenage Wizards”. He skims through it and sees a chapter discussing puberty and masturbation. It lists the different ways a boy wizard could use magic to masturbate.

Harry reads attentively:

The Oralis Excitanda spell:

Steps:
1. Hold the wand tightly with both hands.
2. Point your wand at your penis.
3. Yell, “Oralis Excitanda!”
4. You will have the feeling of someone performing oral sex on you.
5. Enjoy and wait until you ejaculate.
6. Use the “Mundus Sperma” spell to clean your semen.
“I’ll try it when I get back to the dormitory,” Harry said to himself. He flipped the page and started learning another spell.

“What are you doing, Potter?” Harry was shocked by Severus Snape’s voice echoing behind him. He turned around to see the Potion Master giving him a disgusting look.

“Um, I’m just…” Harry started.

“You should be studying,” interrupted Snape. “And you’re learning new ways to satisfy yourself since you obviously have no one to do it for you.”

“Sorry professor.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to your parents who are paying a fortune for you to learn.” Snape sneered. “Oh, yes. They’re dead.”

Harry’s frightened expression quickly transformed to an angry one.

Snape laughed at him, turned around and walked away.

“Fucking cunt,” whispered Harry.

Day 2:

Harry and Ron were playing wizard chess.

“This game is fucking boring,” said Harry.

“Only because I’m kicking your arse,” laughed Ron.

“Fuck you. I’m done with this shit.” Harry scatters the chess pieces and gets up.

“Fucking arsehole,” said Ron. “Where’re you going now?”

“I don’t know,” said Harry. “I’m fucking bored mate.”

“I have an idea.” Ron gets up. “You ever heard of mutual masturbation?”

“No.”

“Let’s wank together? Huh?”

“Are you fucking gay?” asks Harry.

“Yes actually,” said Ron. “Interesting fact: most pure-bloods are homosexuals.”

“Really? Well, I’m half-blood. Does that make me bi-sexual?”

“Yep.”

“So that makes Muggle-borns are the only straight people?” asks Harry.

“Interestingly, no.” replies Ron. “Most of them are asexual.”

“No way. Does that mean Hermione won’t do it with me?”

“Well, Hermione is actually not asexual. But you still won’t do it with her ‘cause she’s mine!”

“I though you said you’re gay.”

“Well, um,” mutters Ron. “I shouldn’t be telling anyone about this but, um, Hermione, um… Hermione performed a Sex-change spell on herself accidently. She was trying to conjure a dildo out of her wand, but instead she grew a penis.”

Harry opens his eyes real wide. “Merlin’s cock! Are you fucking serious?”

“No, I’m Ron. Sirius is dead, remember? Unless you meant, am I FUCKING Sirius, then my answer would have to be: yes. I WAS fucking Sirius.”

“Sirius was gay too?! And he didn’t tell me?!”

“Oh, come on, Harry. I thought it was obvious. He used to hang out with three boys all the time in Hogwarts, he was locked up in Azkaban for twelve fucking years with just men, and everyone can tell he had a thing for you. The way he looked at you. Especially right before he died. It was very obvious mate.”

They were silent for half a minute before Ron said, “Can I see your cock?”

“Sure,” replied Harry.

He pulled down his pants to reveal an extremely small penis.

“Woah!” Ron exclaimed. “It’s really small mate. I mean really really small.”

“Oh yeah? Let’s see yours then.”

“Alright.” Ron takes off his trousers and underwear. What came out of their was what you can say is a horse’s dick.

“Holy shit!” yells Harry. “That’s ridiculous. You must’ve drank a potion or something.”

“No. That’s just the way I bloody am, mate. It’s a Weasley thing. All males in my family have big wieners.”

“And you know that how?” asks Harry.

“Duh. When we shower together numbskull.”

Harry is startled, “Oh sweet Lord.”

“Charlie’s got the biggest one,” said Ron. “It’s so big it can cast spells. Father gets so jealous.” He laughs.

The Weasleys ladies and gentlemen.

Day 3:

Harry spends the night in the library, searching for some way to make his penis bigger.

“Fuck! I can’t find anything here,” he tells himself. “Maybe I could find something in the restricted section.”

“You won’t. I tried.”

Harry falls from the chair when he hears Professor Flitwick’s voice. “Do you people do this on purpose? How can I not hear you come in?”

“Pardon me, boy,” says the tiny man. “I’ve searched this place a million times for a way to make my penis look like a normal penis and not a pimple. I’ve looked everywhere. Until someone did me a favor in return for a blowjob.”

“Who?”

“Severus Snape.” Flitwick shocked Harry.

“So, everyone’s gay now. That’s the trend, huh? Cool,” Harry mumbles.

“He brewed me a special potion. He called it, ‘The Penis Enlargement Potion’.”

“Very creative name,” Harry said sarcastically. “How can I get a hold of this potion?”

“Unless you know any Potion experts, then Snape is the only one you can get it from.”

Harry frowns in disappointment. “So I’m back to square one then.”

“I can try to get it for you, but I’m not quite fond of sucking the filthy man’s greasy balls again. Sorry, boy. I’ll see you around.”

He leaves Harry wondering weather sucking Snape’s penis once is worse than having a small one forever. Snape probably wouldn’t want HIM to go down on him anyways.

Later that night, Harry gathered Ron and Hermione privately in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom to discuss their new mission.

“It’s not an easy task,” said Harry. “We’re going to have to break into Snape’s inventory… after we gather the instructions first.”

And the Quest for the Penis Enlargement Potion begins.
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What Would Really Happen?