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Shameful Problem	By : PurpleOwl Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 7157 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own in anyway or form the characters nor the world of Harry Potter, they belong to the author who has created them, nor am I making any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Shameful Problem
- 1
Disclaimer: I do not own in anyway or form the characters nor the world of Harry Potter, they belong to the author who has created them, nor am I making any money from this story.

Author's note: English is not my maternal tongue and I am dyslexic. The mistakes are all mine. If they bother you I would be honored to have you as a proof reader! Please feel free to review!

Warnings: anal insertions, conjugal fights and a night in the emergency room of St-Mungo's hospital for magical maladies and injuries. This is a humorous oneshot of something that does happen too often in the muggle world not to be mentioned and used.

Summary: He was a common visitor of the emergency room of St-Mungo's but this time it was different... and shameful...

Shameful problem

Dressing up and flooing to the emergency room of St-Mungo's hospital for magical maladies and injuries at one o'clock in the morning had been painful and problematic but he would be forever grateful of the anti-stumbling ward they had in place. It kept him from planting face first on the white linoleum with no ideas for how he would get up after.

He picked a number from the ticket machine near the entrance and waited with his back to the wall for his turn to see the pre-triage mediwizard. The man seemed bored out of him mind and was barking order at a poor lady with elongated nostril hair. He shot a simple cutting ex at them and watched them grow back in seconds until they were even longer than before he had tried to make the situation better. He sighed and send the woman along on her way to the next waiting room with a yellow light globe above her head.

Number 467 was called but no one showed up. Harry Potter was alone in the corridor yet the irritated man still called the number another four times before dropping it and leaving his post with a scold firmly in place. The young auror could hear him complain in the medical staff office to other mediwitches about people wasting time not noticing it was what he himself was doing. Wasting his own paid time at work and wasting precious minutes from the now three patients waiting to be called up by him.

It was 15 minutes later that his number 468 was called. A grunt was his warning to talk about why he was there or leave.

“I prefer not to speak to you about it. It is personal.”

For the first time the man raised his eyes and really looked at the savior. He blushed, apologized and once more asked for the reason of his presence. Once again he was rebutted and he got angry and asked again.

“I will only tell the healer about what is ailing me.”

The rolling of eyes were his sole answer. The mediwizard waved his wand again and a blue globe of light appeared over his head. A few short sentences were written down on a file and a concise: “Go sit in the waiting area a mediwitch will call you by name for the triage.”

While he did walk all the way to the waiting room he refused to sit. He found a beam near the back of the room and slightly leaned against it hoping against hope not to cause himself more trouble.

A quick look around showed about three dozen people were present that night all with orbs varying from blue to orange. It was going to take a while before he was seen to. He just knew it. People were whispering to one another and babies were crying left and right. When the first stopped the second picked up the ear splitting wail. He closed his eyes and pushed his head back counting the seconds in his head.

After 1,347 seconds he simply lost count and reopened his eyes. No one had been called in yet since his arrival. Had he come at a bad time? Was everyone on break or babbling away instead of working? People were losing patience and the hair nose of the lady that was seen to before him was now reaching her waist. It was a gruesome sight that was for sure and the orbs above her head went from yellow to orange.

Carole Walker was called in minutes later for the triage and he regained hope. She was gone for 874 seconds before she was let out of the triage witch office, her nose hair even longer than they had been were now wrapped around her arm so that they would not drag her head down with the weight, the orb above her head had gone back to yellow. The lady looked in her mid-fifties and he was wondering how she had found herself in such a condition. It was probably an interesting story.

A boy with a green light above her head was called in 456 seconds later and he knew he was in for a long long night. The boy called William Puszkar and what appear to be his mother disappear behind the heavy looking door. He saw them again some 312 seconds after he retook his count and the boy was being pushed in a wheel chair by some member of the personal and the light orbiting his head was now orange. The boy was rolled out of the ward.

A man called Edmond Amyot came in was given a red blob at the pre-triage, sent to triage and was levitated into a closed ward a few meters down the corridor to Harry's left in under 180 seconds.

A child with a yellow light that had only been there for a few minutes was called in to the triage before he was and that is when he noticed the large poster explaining the balls and their colors.

BLACK: dead
RED: urgent at risk of death

ORANGE: urgent but not life threatening

YELLOW: urgent

GREEN: semi-urgent (ask about option to be seen at an on-foot clinic near your home, it will reduce waiting time at the emergency room for needier helpless wizards and witches)

BLUE: non-urgent (go home and take an appointment with your doctor )

If that really was how it went he was in for a very long wait. Never before had he had to wait at St-Mungo's hospital. But then again usually it was from being shot down by a rogue wizard on the job and he was the one being levitated in, usually unconscious.

He had stopped counting time, reading all the signs, posters and pamphlets he could find close by was more interesting for him at the moment but the next person was called around 22 minutes later a Hugo Martin also arrived after him with a yellow light. He came out less than a minute later with a blue light and sat down near the exit with a frown.

He went back to counting seconds. He was called into room B triage B on the count of 251 and again he refused to sit once in there. The glint into the woman's eye seemed maniac at this point. It was like she knew why he was there. She offered him another chair and was refused for the second time. She waved her wand and took his vitals in what was quickly becoming a frustrating interview. She deemed the blood pressure to be a bit elevated and his pulse to be running a bit to fast but cleared him as stable when he again refused to say why he was present. She warned him that because of his reluctance to talk she was force to quote him as non-urgent and that it would take a long time before he could see an healer.

Harry thanked her and denied her an answer again. She gently strapped an identification bracelet on his left arm, quickly inserted an intro-veinous perfusion on the same arm and sent him to the registry with his light now green.

He could feel the cold liquid slowly seep into his veins while waiting for the secretary to come back from where ever she was. The small woman was weighted down by so many files it was a miracle she did not bump into anything on her way. She dropped the files on a desk behind where she would usually sit and separated them into four different piles totally ignoring him in the process. She rearranged them at least thrice before turning around and grabbing his arm to see the bracelet and asked him to fill a file. It was a bit awkward for them to talk with him standing up not even bending at the waist.

The file was pretty simple. It asked for name, address, marital status (engaged), who to call in case of emergency, would he agree to donate organs, if he had allergies, had he had unprotected sex since his last visit, with how many people , his reason for presenting himself and his signature.

He left the last three questions blank and sign at the bottom of the page like requested. The woman kept handing him slips to sign. Consent to access his file for the healing staff. A blank lined paper with a hasty signature written at the bottom followed by a penned line. A divulgation form which he refuse to sign and slip for his potion's store location and owl address to get his current drug profile.

“I do not take any prescribed or not prescribed potion is it really necessary to sign this last one?”

The secretary took back the slip wrote a big N/A of the slip and asked him to sign it once more.

He was not sure but he could have sworn he saw the attendant slip the lined previously blank but now signed sheet into her purse before putting the other three forms into a file with a few more papers and was told to go back and wait for the doctor to call him by name.

By now it was half three. Everyone in the waiting room knew who he was and he could feel their stare on him. He had always hated his fame but now he did more than ever before. He was glad for the picture prohibiting rule in place and the magic that kept any camera from working be them magical or muggle. He did not want to have his picture leaked into the next morning's paper. It was bad enough that every time he arrested someone he was put on the spot and that people questioned whether or not he could have done faster or better or if the arrest was really warranted. It was another thing to make the news when you needed private care.

It was well known that he was not signing any autograph but it did not stop a teenage girl for asking and throwing an hissy fit when refused. She was kindly escorted elsewhere by the security guard. The fat one was sweating even with the air conditioning blasting in the ward and the thin one look way to frail to ever be able to do a proper job of it. They too sent curious looks his way but both kept their comments to themselves.

Three thousand eight hundred and seventy-six seconds later a Marty Stanley was called into observation room number eight and 106 seconds later his name was called again. An old man sitting at the back of the room woke up with a start and limped his way to the appropriate door. At first sight Harry could not tell if anything was wrong with the man but the orange light above his head was a dead give away. Was the limp the problem or had the man had that problem for a while now like almost every elderly people he saw? Maybe a cane would help him...

He was bored of counting the seconds again. He had not brought anything with him for entertainment either. Having a friend was out of the question and his wife was still irate. Plus she had their children to look after. He did what everyone else seemed to be doing and carefully examined the other patients and their family. While most, like him were dressed in light summer clothes some were in pajamas and none were wearing the hospital custom gown. Those seemed to be reserved for the people that were hospitalized.

The lady sitting the closest to his chosen spot was wearing the junior healer's pale green garb and was literally green in the face. Her black hair a stark contrast to the overall green she was presenting and with the yellow light above her. She looked dizzy and every little move made her gag. She was staring straight ahead and was ignoring everything and everyone in the room.

Behind her a man in a wheeled chair had popped his foot over onto another chair. Said appendage was three times the size of the one that was resting on the floor and was bright red in color. The bandage around the biggest toe was colored red with the blood that was probably slipping from a wound he could not and did not want to see. The man kept insulting his daughter and asking her to take him home or to give him fire whiskey. His poor child looked close to tears and was barely holding back her own retort it appeared. She looked every now and then at the green light above her parent's head with despair. She was probably hoping for it to change color for the man to be seen faster.

The child that had been wheeled out earlier was back with a cast and was sleeping on his mother a few seats to the left. Puszkar now had a bright green light orbiting about him. The mum looked just as bored as he was and was doing her best to avoid staring at him.

Another teen was eating sweet after sweet next to what appeared to be his sick girlfriend (yellow). Her nagging was so similar to that of Hermione when Ron was ignoring her it was nearly like seeing them at Hogwarts again.

He watched them for a while but got bored soon enough just like he did when watching his friends be themselves. The perusal of the rest of the group of sick and hurt people was slowly wasting time but was in no way shape of form a good type of entertainment.

A woman with a green light was throwing a fit about having been present for over six hours and not having received any care. She kept complaining about not having the ability to use magical transport. A squib than. She then complained about not having any money for transport. She tried to get a bus ticket only to be refused by the woman at the desk. Tickets were to be given only to certain patients on order of the doctors that had treated them. The woman had complained again and again until a good soul accepted to wave the knight bus after she said, swore even, to have the money at home.

Harry doubted that she did. But he was off duty. And frankly he did not care.

The bus driver showed up about seven minutes later asking for the manager. The head nurse was the one to show up and argue with the poor man about how the hospital was not paying that woman's fee. That they were not responsible for all the people passing threw their doors. The fight went on for a short time and ended with a disappointed bus driver and a huffing nurse.

He must have fallen asleep where he stood because the next time he opened his eyes it was gone five and his legs and neck felt sore. His name was being called into treatment room 12 in corridor C. Looking around he was that most people he had seen at the beginning of the night were now gone. He shook his limbs that had gone numb from leaning on a beam for so long.

The room was equipped with a bed and feet stirrup that made him swallow uncomfortably, a small desk with a chair on either side and a cabinet that was under magical lock to prevent injuries or theft he guessed.

He had gained hope at being called but at nearly six that morning he was still alone in the room with no one and nothing to distract him. It was around ten minutes later that someone decided to take a look in on him and told him that a healer would be with him 'in a moment'. That must have been one of the biggest lies he was ever told because half an hour later still nothing.

The healer came in at ten past six with the air of someone that just woke up from a nap, or someone that despairingly needed one.

“My name is healer White. Mr Potter. Please take a seat.”

When Harry politely declined the offer he was met with a raised eyebrow.

“I can read on your file that you have so far refused to tell anyone of what was ailing you leading us all to believe it was some kind of sexual problem. I am afraid you will be quite the talk around here for quite a while. But rest assure. This room is imprevious and I am bind by an oath never to talk about anything going on here. Quite unlike a mediwizard, if I do speak I will be stripped of my tittle and will be fired. Does that appease you?”

His only answer was a slight nod and a hand popping back his glasses in place.

“Will you please tell me what is afflicting you or do you prefer going home and coming back another day?”

Harry took his courage in hand a muttered something under his breath. His cheek inflamed and he looked unsteady on his feet. For a second the ball of light above his head flickered to yellow and orange before slowly going back to green.

“I am sorry I do not think I quite understood what you said.”

While the spelled light above Potter's head stayed green his face turned an even brighter red while his body turned paler and perspiration made it's apparition on his brow.

“My wand is stuck up THERE and I can't reach it to drag it out. I tried summoning it but nothing happens...”

The healer looked shocked for a second but nodded his head. He did not appear to be traumatize nor overly surprise.

“You would be surprise how often we have to rescue day to day artifacts stuck up people's rectums Mr. Potter. It is, however, a first to find someone bold enough to insert their own wand so far as to lose their grip on it.”

More mumbling came out of the patient's mouth before he took a deep breath and repeated himself.

“It's my wife who 'inserted' it...”

That got a reaction out of the younger man.

“How did that happen Mr. Potter?”

“She caught me masturbating with a finger, well you know where, and decided to 'help' even though she looked angry. You know the I'm gonna strangle you 'smile' mother usualy give to their children? Well she proceeded to 'prepare' me and than used my wand with a protection charm and shove it in telling me that much worse would happen if I 'dared' divorce her for another man... I swear there is just her, I love only her! I just 'kinda like' the feeling? No...?”

The usually secure and professional auror Harry Potter, father to three wonderful children and married to the hot headed Ginerva Weasley had not appeared so meek since before he had left Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. He had not been so shy about his sexuality since the birth of James. And he had not felt so scared since he had proposed to his only love. The man that was not known to gesticulate when talking was moving around and was making a lot of quotation marks in the air.

“It is not unusual for a man to like having anal insertion or prostate stimulation. There are, however, much safer toys or spells to use. I would also advise you against letting your angry wife have full control over anything of the sort if she is ever mad again. Before we leave remind me to give you the card of a very private sexual adviser. So that you and your wife may take a newer, fresher, look to your future sexual intercourse.”

Not once did the young healer blush or stutter. Not once did he look away or fiddle. This really did look like a conversation he was used to having and pushing.

“Now if you would kindly take off your trouser and pants and lay down on the examination table so we can begin the retrieval of your wand...”

The man looked down at his paper work and wrote a few things down.

“Today if possible Mr Potter.”

That shook Harry out of whatever world he had been thrown into. Never before had he thought he would find himself in such a predicament. But than again he had never expected Ginny to find out about his inclination toward anal stimulation. Why he had always kept it a secret and had kept it for the privacy of self-pleasuring he did not know. It probably didn't help that Ron had layered it thick, in front of the whole family at dinner time, that he thought one of the new auror, a man, was having a major crush/infatuation for his best friend. Everyone had laugh at the time. Maybe finding him in such a compromising position had scared his wife? Well, may it be it or not, the woman would not have any access to his ass for a long time!

Getting naked had never taken Harry so much time. First because he did not dare bow at the waist to untie his shoes or take off his garments and two because he had never undressed in front of a stranger who was very intent on playing with the inside of his ass!

Finding a way to lay down on the table was also problematic. He did not dare sit nor bow his back to fall on it and ended up using a form of push-up to lower his form closer to the mat and drag himself forward before carefully turning himself on his back. The whole scene must have been hilarious but to the doctor's credentials he did not once laugh or smile.

His feet were slowly moved into stirrups and strapped down to keep them from moving. Something about a mediwitch once having been kicked during such an intervention. Once done the man quickly explained the proceedings and without waiting for an invite simply dived into his work.

The speculum had been well lubricated but had still burned a little on the way in.

“Most people would prefer for us to simply summon the inserted item but the damage it can do on an uncontrolled way out could be too high so the rule is to go get it by hand.”

While the explanation made sense it did not make the procedure more comfortable or less mortifying.

“We do not offer painkillers for this sort of intervention, simply a muscle relaxant potion added to the lubricant had been deemed enough by the board.”

Well the medicated lube was taking it's sweet little time to take effect. Time the man took to fill with small talk concerning safe anal insertions and why it was a bad idea to use household objects. Also offering owl orders from some stores that were very discrete as a viable option. As if he was not aware of that already. He had his own stash of sex toys in his office at home thank you very much! Oh he and Ginny were going to have such a talk as soon as he was able to align two words together without wanting to commit murder. Her murder.

He had been lost in thoughts and had missed the warning of the opening of the speculum. He could not say he had missed the somewhat painful sensation of being filled too fast for comfort with little to no preparation.

He was also very aware of the two or three gloved fingers that tried to grabbed the wand stuck inside of him that were missing their target. He could feel them rubbing against his walls and pushing thee wand a bit further in making him grit his teeth in an effort to hod coarse language. He had a feeling his ass and jaw would be in much more pain before he was allowed home for a sick day or two. Days Gin would have to live in the spare bedroom across the hall.

“I am sorry Mr. Potter but I cannot reach it properly. I will have to open you up a bit more.”

Was his only warning before the speculum nearly double the size of his opening. He could not have stopped the wail of pain that crossed his lips even if his life had depended on it. Never before had his sphincter been opened so large. Never again would it be force open this large if he had a say in it.

What must have been only three fingers was now a whole hand. He could feel the thumb and the larger part of the gloved hand making it's way in to grab the wand. He was sure it should have been more painful than it currently was thanks to the special lube used but he was also sure that once the local anesthetic used would wear off he would be in another kind of pain.

He felt when the hand took a hold of the piece of wood and wrapped around it forming a fist that was taken slowly out of his body enlarging his poor anus a bit more than it already was.

“Well this is done, let me reduce the speculum again and take it out of you.”

If Harry had thought White had stretched him too fast it was nothing compared to the closing and withdrawal of the instrument. It had felt more painful than the rest of the operation.

His wand was cleaned and sterilized with everyday spells and given back promptly.

“You can now get dressed and go home. Good day Mr. Potter.”

Without waiting the healer grabbed his file and left threw the personal's door giving a few mediwitch a peek at his private parts.

The embarrassed hero dressed as quickly as his painful anus allowed him and walk out of the room with a distinctive cowboy walk. The walk he knew everyone recognize and associated with something having been done to his privates. Yet he could not bring himself to close his legs and try to walk in a less flagrant fashion. All he wanted was to take pressure off his internal muscle.

He once again flooed home where he did face plant on the convenient rug he had always hated with a passion. The poor thing was burnt to a crisp before he stormed up the stairs not seeing anyone. The wife probably brought them all to his in laws to avoid confrontation. A good thing because he did not think he would have been able to retain the argument had he seen her.

It was half passed eight by the time he managed to hide in his bed for the day. Ginny had left him a note apologizing telling him she had already called his work to get him a week off for feeling unwell and had taken the kids out for a few days. That she would come back to apologize in person when she felt she would not be hexed to smithereens.

She better not show up for a while than.
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Shameful Problem