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The Tale of the Marauders and their Mistresses	By : Darkness Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1303 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Tale of the Marauders and their Mistresses
- 1
The Tale of The Marauders and their Mistresses

Mrs. Padfoot: THE RETURN OF SIDESHOW BOB ON THE SIMPSONS! WOO-HOO! *cries* You rock my world, Sideshow Bob!!!!

Mrs. Moony: WOO!!! I LOVE HIM!!!! But he's just misunderstood...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mmm hmm. Ooh how's Remmie, speaking of your love for peoples?

Mrs. Moony: Ummm... He’s sleepin’ right now... had a rough night *wink*

Mrs. Padfoot: Hehehe! Worked that boy hard, didn't you?

Mrs. Moony: Mmm hmm. What about Siri?

Mrs. Padfoot: I gave him a break, he's watching The Simpsons.

Mrs. Moony: Hah cool. Wish Remmie would let ME watch it... Damn horny wolf... (To Remus) Down, Fido, DOWN!!

Remus: Woof woof!

Mrs. Padfoot: *Hysterical laughter*

Mrs. Moony: My bad, he's gettin’ the urge again...

Remus: WOOF!!!!

Mrs. Padfoot: What the--?

Mrs. Moony: Sorry, that was Remmie... I said DOWN Remmie! Don't bite that!!

Mrs. Padfoot: Whoa!

Sirius: Sure you shouldn't get off and ‘tame him’? *wiggles eyebrows*

Mrs. Moony: Oh shut up, Siri.

Mrs. Padfoot: Hey, don't tell my doggie to shut up!

Remus: Mr. Moony heard Mrs. Moony tell Mr. Padfoot to shut up.

Mrs. Padfoot: *gasp*

Mrs. Moony: *swallows*

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is tempted to shove her foot up Mr. Moony's arse! And asks Mrs. Padfoot whether she is hinting at something...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony says Mr. Moony might enjoy that, and she also says that she IS hinting at something...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot and Mr. Padfoot are completely disgusted by this outburst and hint.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony has heard rumor that Mr. Padfoot likes the kinky humor...

Sirius: Mr. Padfoot would rather not mention his kinkiness in public; Mrs. Padfoot knows all about it, and they keep it in the bedroom....and the kitchen...and the living room...

Remus: Mr. Moony would like to add to Mr. Padfoot's remark: and the last compartment on the Hogwarts Express... and the Gryffindor Common room...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would also like to add to Mr. Moony's remark: and the Slytherin common room... and the first compartment on the Hogwarts Express..... and Dumbledore's office...

Remus: Mr. Moony is shocked at the vision of Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot going at it in the Headmaster's office!!!

Sirius: Mr. Padfoot smacks Mr. Moony because he knows about Mr. and Mrs. Moony in Snape's office...

Remus: Mr. Moony takes a moment to recover from the harassment and would like to comment on the slimey git's cold dungeon floor.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is absolutely disgusted that Mr. and Mrs. Moony did it on the slimeball's floor of all places!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to add to Mr. Moony's comment about the coldness of the dungeon floor and say that it was also damp... but of course she also suspects it was more than the floor that was damp...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to comment on the fact that the dungeon floor was probably wetter after Mr. and Mrs. Moony finished.

Mr. and Mrs. Moony: Mr. and Mrs. Moony both agree.

Sirius: Mr. Padfoot is surprised that Mr. and Mrs. Moony agree with something that Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot think!

Remus: Mr. Moony wonders if it is possible to think when Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot are rolling around in Dumbledore's office.

Sirius: Mr. Padfoot likes to protest that at least Dumbledore's office is warm and cozy.

Remus: Mr. Moony also wonders if the presence of Fawkes bothers them in any way, though he has an idea of the answer...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is insulted at the stupid question Mr. Moony asked because Fawkes was with....Hedwig!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony wonders how Mrs. Padfoot knows this.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot has not lost her ability of sight and needed something to see while Mr. Padfoot concentrated on bringing up something again.

Remus: Mr. Moony would like to say that he has never had that problem.

Sirius: Mr. Padfoot would like to bring up the mention that his is much bigger than Mr. Moony's and needs more TLC.

Remus: Mr. Moony remembers well the time when Mr. Padfoot was in need of assistance in a *brief* problem.

Mrs. Moony: And Mrs. Moony would also like to add that Mr. Moony is much harder and longer than Mr. Padfoot.

Sirius: Mr. Padfoot cannot remember the *brief problem* and says its not longer and harder.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to add that its longer, harder, and thicker than Mr. Moony's.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to know if that is even possible, and how Mrs. Padfoot knows, and why Mr. Padfoot is so brain-dead!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to say that it is very possible, and that Draco reported back one day when he walked in on you, and Mr. Padfoot happens to be getting antsy to get back into the bed.

Mrs. Moony: Mr. Moony is also barking to return to the bed, however Mrs. Moony is tired and wishes for a good round of vodka.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot hates to report that she's out of vodka and only has Peach Schnapps left.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony wishes to know Mrs. Padfoot's fascination with Peach Schnapps.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to admit that it is the best tasting shi the the world!

Remus: And Mr. Moony would like all of you to shut up and let him get to his work!

{some time later...}

Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot: Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot suspect that Mrs. Moony is loosing her mental touch.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony may suggest that she is drinking soo much vodka she can't remember a thing, and with the added stress of Mr. Moony and his *ahem* excitement, she rarely has time to think...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to bring to attention that she thinks that Mr. Moony has a problem and it's leading into obsession...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony agrees.

Remus: Mr. Moony is appalled at Mrs. Moony's agreement with these - these - these horn dogs!!!!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony wants Mr. Moony to shut up so she can have a normal conversation with her friend Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot bursts into an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is appalled at the fact that Mrs. Moony believes that she can have a "normal" conversation with Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to add that Mr. Moony is more of a horn dog *giggle - giggle* than Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot combined!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony agrees about the fact that Mr. Moony is a much bigger horn dog, but would argue that she is completely normal - under the circumstances.

Remus: And Mr. Moony just wants----

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony smacks Mr. Moony before he can finish his sentence.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot giggles and agrees that Mr. Moony needs a new hobby in the case of ‘what if Mrs. Moony needs to go somewhere?’ and ignores Mr. Padfoot's growling because he wants some.

Remus: Mr. Moony would like it from Mrs. Moony now and is appalled that Mr. Padfoot wants some at three in the morning!

Sirius: Mr. Padfoot would like to prove his disgusted state that he is appalled that he wants it at 3am because Mr. Moony wants it at 2!

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony is not ashamed to admit this, and adds that he has never gotten it at two because he always has dog breath.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is proud to say that Mr. Padfoot gets it whenever he wants, except now.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to argue that she gives it to Mr. Moony every chance she gets, but is unable to because her mouth is so full right now.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is slightly disgusted.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot wants to know what is in Mrs. Moony's mouth.

Mr. Moony: Mrs. Moony is still unable to answer so Mr. Moony would just like to say that he is enjoying it deeply..... *does the Homer Simpson drool thing*

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is truly disgusted and smacks Mr. Padfoot for attempting to get her to do the same.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony swallows and takes the time to reply to Mrs. Padfoot's remark: tis fun!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to say that Mrs. Moony is actually Snape in disguise!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would just like to set the records straight and say that she is not Snape and that she is Mrs. Moony.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot doesn't believe that at all.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say that if she were Snape, which she's not, she would have rocked Mr. Padfoot's world!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is insulted by that and that he loves Mrs. Padfoot with all his heart and she might kick his ass if he didn't.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is not Snape, so there!

Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot: Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot are both truly disgusted beyond belief that words can't even begin to explain it.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony would like to ask if Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot are ever not disgusted by Mr. and Mrs. Moony's random acts of love-makin'.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony shields her eyes because she is completely embarrassed at Mr. Moony's behavior. He's usually so well behaved in class!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot must agree with Mr. Moony and say that they are always disgusted by their random acts of love making.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot would like to know exactly what kind of classes Mrs. Moony is referring to.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to answer Mr. Padfoot's question by saying that Mr. and Mrs. Moony are still teachers at Hogwarts.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony would like some booze.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot must agree with Mr. Moony because she's been aching for some as well.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is shocked that they're teachers and he still isn't.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony thinks he and Mrs. Padfoot should get together for a drink sometime, since Mrs. Moony only likes vodka.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony slaps Mr. Moony for saying that and would like to say that Mr. Padfoot is not smart enough to be a teacher, so NYAH!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot agrees that they should go out for a drink sometime due to the fact that all Mr. Padfoot likes to do is get it on.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is appalled that Mrs. Moony, of all people, said that he was not smart enough to be a teacher!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony wishes to correct herself and say that Mr. Padfoot is indeed exceptionally smart.. If only he weren't so damn horny. She would also like to suggest that Mr. Padfoot join her for a drink sometime, as Mr. Moony and Mrs. Padfoot seem to have some sort of ‘affair’ going on.... *glares at Mr. Moony and Mrs. Padfoot*

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot whistles innocently at the assumption of her "affair" with Mr. Moony.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot cannot help the way he feels because he is like a teenage boy again and it just sprouts up unexpectedly and he needs to relieve himself, not that Mrs. Moony or Mr. Moony can talk. And Mr. Padfoot would take Mrs. Moony up on that offer but is afraid of what Mrs. Padfoot might do...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to know if there is an affair between Mrs. Padfoot and Mr. Moony.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot once again whistles innocently.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony slaps Mrs. Padfoot for her reply.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is appalled at Mrs. Moony's behavior and ends the beginnings of their affair right then and there!

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony is currently - and gratefully - in the village of Hogsmeade buying Mrs. Moony an 'I'm so sorry I cheated' gift -- with lots of sparklyness!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot sniggers at Mr. Moony's fascination with the word ‘sparklyness’ and smacks Mr. Padfoot for suggesting that he go buy a sparkly vibrator.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony laughs at Mr. Padfoot's suggestion, and once again slaps Mrs. Padfoot for making fun of her love of sparklyness.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot smacks Mrs. Moony in the head twice with a shovel for slapping her and indeed likes the word ‘sparklyness’.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot boasts about his ‘amazing’ suggestion.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony yanks the shovel away from Mrs. Padfoot and hits her over the head with it.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony returns to Mrs. Moony with a sparkly gift.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot poisons Mrs. Moony's vodka for payback.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony tosses a bottle of beer to Mr. Padfoot and would like to say 'drink up, it's gonna be a long night with this witch here'.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is shocked that Mrs. Moony would refer to Mr. Moony like that!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony slaps Mrs. Moony for her rudeness!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot wonders why Mrs. Moony would slap herself...

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot puts an invisible force-field around himself and his darling Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say that Mr. Moony keeps her on alot of drugs...

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony whistles innocently...

Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. and Mr. Padfoot applaud Mr. Moony for his control and Mr. Padfoot suggests to add Prozac to the bunch.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony restrains Mrs. Moony with a straightjacket and would like to thank Mr. Padfoot for his suggestion. Mr. Moony admits that Mrs. Moony is extremely difficult to control and would like to apologize for her behavior this evening.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot blows a kiss to Mr. Moony and accepts his apology willingly.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony waggles his tongue at Mrs. Padfoot behind Mr. Padfoot's back. And he would also like to say 'yum' and 'aroooo!' but stops himself for fear of Mr. Padfoot finding out.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot whirls around and looks suspiciously between Mrs. Padfoot and Mr. Moony.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony smiles at Mr. Padfoot and blows him a kiss.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot twitches, a little disturbed.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say 'this is why he keeps me drugged' but is unable to because she is bound and gagged in a straightjacket.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot points and laughs at Mrs. Moony.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony would like to know what is so funny, and he would also like to smack some ass.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot blinks and backs away slowly...

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony goes to free Mrs. Moony from her straightjacket, and smacks her nice round ass.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is oddly turned on by this act and starts feeding Mrs. Padfoot Biggie Fries so her ass gets that big.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like some fries, and would like Mr. Moony to not stop his smacking.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot looks at her ass and says ‘DAMN I THINK MY BUTT GETTIN' BIG!...it's gettin hot in here so take off all your clothes - I am gettin so hot I will take my clothes off’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would still like some fries...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot throws them at Mrs. Moony because she doesn't want to get smacked again and then sits on Mr. Padfoot's lap, still singing ‘Hot in Here’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to thank Mrs. Padfoot for the fries and say that her ass will be nice and plump for more smacking.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony also thanks Mrs. Padfoot for the fries and says that it will give him "more cushion for the pushin.'"

Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot: Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot both snigger before they continue their heavy make out session.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say that she is out of vodka and is giving it up for good, seeing as though Mr. Moony seems to be spiking it with controlling drugs.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot, not taking her mouth away from Mr. Padfoot's, throws Mrs. Moony a bottle of peach schnapps before ignoring everything around her again.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to thank Mrs. Padfoot for the new addiction, and hides it from Mr. Moony, but she supposes Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot aren't listening to a word she has said.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot pulls away while Mr. Padfoot gives her neck a hickey and wonders if Mrs. Moony has said something.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say 'never mind'.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to say 'whatever'.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony would like to say that he is enjoying his smackfest and would like to ask whether Mr. Padfoot is enjoying his hickeyfest.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is now excited and says 'OH OH OH, have you ever been in Trelawny's classroom, tis quite cozy, it is, isn't that right Siri?'

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot nods, still sucking, as an answer to both Mr. Moony and Mrs. Padfoot's questions.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say that Trelawny's room is too stinky, and that Snape's dungeon was by far the best.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Moony would like to argue that if you spray perfume around it's not bad because the poufs are much fun.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony wonders how the hell she got a twin.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot screams 'THERE'S TWO OF THEM!?!?'

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony faints in Mr. Moony's lap.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot backs away screaming something about the twilight zone...

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony shoots the fake Mrs. Moony with his wand and says that it was only a Dementor.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot laughs and points out that ‘Dementor’ sounds like ‘Demented’ and wonders if the real Mrs. Moony is a Dementor, and then screams like a girl and hides behind Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony admits that she is demented, however she is not a Dementor and laughs at Mr. Padfoot for his wimpyness.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot flips off Mrs. Moony because he has been chased by them for fourteen years and they give him the heebie jeebies.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to correct herself and say that the fake Mrs. Moony was a Boggart and not a dementor, and would also like to hide behind Mrs. Padfoot...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot wonders what hiding behind herself means...

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony suspects that both Boggarts and Dementors are afraid of Mrs. Padfoot's face... which is what Mrs. Moony screamed to him last night during their smackfest.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot takes her schnapps back and shoves a basilisk fang in Mrs. Moony's arm.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony laughs at Mrs. Padfoot because the fang belongs to Hagrid's dog Fang, and kisses Mrs. Padfoot on the lips, running away skipping.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot screams disgusted and locks herself in the bathroom using Listerine!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to yell that Mr. Moony used the Listerine bottle to -er- relieve himself...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot shakes her head because the Listerine she's using came from her own pocket and she fed the ‘relieved’ Listerine in her now empty schnapps bottle.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is shocked because she thought Mrs. Padfoot drank it for the taste - which, she adds, was yummy.

Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. and Mr. Padfoot are truly disgusted.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is surprised that Mr. Padfoot is shocked by this, as he had revealed to me that he forced Mrs. Padfoot to swallow it!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is shocked and smacks Mr. Padfoot upside the head, considering he told something so personal!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say 'aha!' because Mr. Padfoot didn't tell her anything!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot drops to the floor ‘DAMMIT!’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony laughs.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot throws a dung bomb at Mrs. Moony and pouts...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony eats the dung bomb and would like some more.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is disgusted, but hands Mrs. Moony the entire bag.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony thanks Mrs. Padfoot and would like to say that they are caramel candies, and offers one to Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot shakes her head and mumbles ‘ate 12 Peeps in a row nonstop’; hiccups.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Padfoot offers one to Mr. Padfoot.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is confuzzled because it seems she has a twin as well...

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot screams 'DON'T EAT ME MR. DEMENTOR MAN!’; and hides behind the real Mrs. Padfoot in fear.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say 'dude, I'm not a freakin' Dementor! Eat this damn candy before I suck out your soul!'

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot slouches and says ‘NOOOO! IT'S POISON CANDY!’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say that Mr. Padfoot is a wuss *shoves candy in her mouth*

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot gasps and squeezes her ickle bwaby Padfoot and scratches his ear.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say that she deserves thanks - Mr. Padfoot will get some tonight.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot thanks Mrs. Moony with all his heart as he struggles to get off of Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to know why Mr. Padfoot wants off of Mrs. Padfoot...

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot says that Mrs. Padfoot's legs are cutting off his circulation.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to ask if Mr. Padfoot is saying his lover is fat.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot isn't saying that at all, he is just saying that Mrs. Padfoot is squeezing extremely hard and he may not be able to move in and out.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony thinks that she shouldn't have asked...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot stops biting Mr. Padfoot's ear to agree with Mrs. Moony and then gasps because she feels they are getting worse than Mr. and Mrs. Moony!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony raises her eyebrow and agrees.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot gets up for a moment and shoves Mrs. and Mr. Moony together and then slides back under Mr. Padfoot and murmurs ‘continue’.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony would like to thank Mrs. Padfoot and begins nibbling on Mrs. Moony's ears.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Moony is extremely welcome and Mr. Padfoot continues kissing Mrs. Padfoot's neck.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony ends the smoochfest and would like some more caramel candies...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot pauses to toss more caramel candies to Mrs. Moony and then eats some maple candy before going back to Mr. Padfoot.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to ask 'maple?’

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to mention ‘mmm-hmm maple, now back off.’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony backs off and continues with Mr. Moony.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot giggles.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot begins barking.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony laughs at Mr. Padfoot's barking.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot looks up at Mrs. Moony and says ‘Don't be hatin.'‘

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony kicks a flower at Mr. Padfoot's face!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot shrugs it off and continues biting softly.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to mention that she is rather drunk this evening...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to admit that she is rather stoned.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony is rather horny, as he usually is near the start of the full moon...

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is always horny. He's just a naturally horny person.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony laughs because she is so drunk she isn't able to do anything else.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot giggles and then cracks open a bottle of peach schnapps.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony tackles Mrs. Moony and asks why he hasn't gotten any this evening!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot raises an eyebrow and starts making out furiously with Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony shields her eyes and closes her legs so that she can't see Mr. or Mrs. Padfoot, and so Mr. Moony can't get any.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot puts on of those thingies that stretches stuff and puts them between Mrs. Moony's legs cuz he doesn't wanna hear Mr. Moony complain and then goes back to Mrs. Padfoot.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is violated because Mr. Padfoot touched her and tries to push Mr. Moony away!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot wonders why the hell Mrs. Moony is not being so horny like Mr. Moony is.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is never horny before the full moon, but is always horny after the full moon when Mr. Moony is too weak to be horny.

Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot: Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot got lost after the ‘never horny’ part because they are too busy making out.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is currently shoving Mr. Moony off the bed and is unable to repeat herself.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would laugh if she could breathe!

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony is sulking in a corner of the room with a boner, and is too distraught to reply to Mrs. Padfoot's amused-can't-breathe moment.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot pauses for a moment to shout to Mr. Moony 'polish the rocket' before busying himself with Mrs. Padfoot's neck.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony gets a second wind and does as Mr. Padfoot ‘calmly’ suggested, and tackles Mrs. Moony once more.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony gives in and lets Mr. Moony have what he wants...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is deeply disturbed...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to inform Mrs. Padfoot that she is allowing Mr. Padfoot to do the same to her!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot indeed knows this but it's different to have it done than hear it be done!

Mrs. Moony: Mr. Moony is too horny to reply, but Mrs. Moony says that Mrs. Padfoot should cover her ears.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot happens to like to hear Mr. Padfoot when he's in the mood!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to say that it is her turn to be disturbed!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot applauds Mrs. Padfoot in finally disturbing Mrs. Moony!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to know if it is possible to applaud someone when Mr. Padfoot is currently doing the unspeakable inside Mrs. Padfoot!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is wondering how Mrs. Moony knows exactly what position they are in...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to inform Mr. Padfoot that they are currently in the same room as Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot wonders why Mrs. Moony is watching himself and Mrs. Padfoot...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is very keen on disturbing Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot and would like to add that she has nothing else to do than be violated by Mr. Moony.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot suggests that Mrs. Moony get stoned because ‘marijuana impairs your judgment’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is currently smoking a joint and would like to thank Mrs. Padfoot for the idea.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony would like to share a joint with Mrs. Moony since he is now taking a break from his horniness...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is surprised Mr. Moony takes breaks!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is also surprised!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot is surprised that Mrs. Padfoot and Mrs. Moony agree on something!

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony is becoming turned on by Mrs. Moony once more...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony groans and says 'oh god, here we go again.'

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot pulls her robes back on and laughs.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony throws a pillow at Mrs. Padfoot and tells her to shut up!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot shrugs and lies down smoking another joint while Mr. Padfoot dances around naked singing ‘Area Codes’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony laughs at Mr. Padfoot's dance!

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony is grateful to Mr. Padfoot for the belly laugh he gave to Mrs. Moony because it made a rather pleasurable movement...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot raises an eyebrow, completely disgusted, and closes her eyes...

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot nods and continues dancing.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to know why Mrs. Padfoot is so disgusted when she does ten times worse than Mr. Moony and Mrs. Moony put together in one night!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot smiles and says 'cuz it's fun!'

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony raises an eyebrow and asks 'it's fun being disgusted?'

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot shakes her head and says 'no it's fun being disgusting.’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony nods and says 'riiiight'

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot nods and continues looking at the ceiling...

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony howls at the moon!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot's eyes get wide and she points at the moon, 'moon prettyful!!'

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony transforms in a werewolf, but continues to grope Mrs. Moony...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony isn't phased...

Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot: Mr. and Mrs. Padfoot exchange looks by this odd and disturbing act...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to suggest to Mr. Padfoot that he become the shaggy black dog so that Mrs. Padfoot can enjoy herself more.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot agrees and turns into the doggie.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot shakes her head...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to know why Mrs. Padfoot shakes her head.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot thinks it’s wrong!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is rather turned on by the furriness of her hubby.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot would like to exclaim; ‘it's cross breeding almost!!’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony doesn't care...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot sighs as she gets molested by her furry husband...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is shocked that Mrs. Padfoot is joining in the cross breeding!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot suggests that if Mrs. Moony wants to live, she best keep her mouth shut!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony smiles happily...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot throws a pillow at Mrs. Moony!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony catches the pillow with her tongue and would like to say ‘ew’ *spit*

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot would like to point out that Mrs. Moony deserves it for not just moving her head!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to know what Mr. Padfoot is talking about.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot sighs at Mrs. Moony's stupidity and mentions that if she moved her head she wouldn't necessarily catch it with her tongue...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot nods and says 'comprendez?'

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony shakes her head and wonders if Mr. Moony is distracting her thoughts...

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony howls once more.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot giggles at Mr. Moony's howling!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot gets jealous and throws a brick at Mr. Moony!

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony snarls, growls, and lunges at Mr. Padfoot, knocking him to the ground!!!!!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony whines because she is cold!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot tosses Mrs. Moony a rug and pulls Mr. Moony away from Mr. Padfoot and hugs Mr. Padfoot tightly!

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony whines and hurries back to Mrs. Moony.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is angry at Mr. Moony for deserting her for Mr. Padfoot, and huddles herself into a ball so that Mr. Moony can't get anything else!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot applauds Mrs. Moony for being like a rock!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony would like to take a bow but doesn't wish to give Mr. Moony a clear target.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot understands completely and shouts 'KEEP YOUR LEGS SHUT!'

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony doesn't need telling twice and huddles more closely together.

Mr. Moony: Mr. Moony whines and cuddles close to Mrs. Moony hoping she will change her mind... rs. rs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot hands Mrs. Moony another blanket...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony thanks Mrs. Padfoot and tries to push Mr. Moony away.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot puts a leash on Mr. Moony and ties him to a flag pole away from Mrs. Moony.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony thanks Mr. Padfoot but would like to know why a flag pole is in the room...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot has no reason so Mrs. Padfoot interjects and says 'respect for our country, you understand.'

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony salutes Hitler!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot wonders where Hitler came from...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony wonders that also...

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot shrugs and jumps on bubble wrap!

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony wishes to join Mrs. Padfoot on the bubble wrap, and does so.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot jumps and says 'BUBBLE WRAP FUN!'

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony cannonballs right in the middle!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot belly-flops on the side and bubble wrap goes ‘POP’

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony brings out a NERF gun and shoots Mrs. Padfoot in the ass!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot gasps and rubs her ass, shooting Mrs. Moony with a golf ball projector thingy.

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony ducks at whatever Mrs. Padfoot shot at her and brings out her paintball gun!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot cheers ‘PAINTBALL!!’; and pulls out her own gun!

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot stares stupidly, completely confused...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony tells Mr. Padfoot to just sit and watch.

Mr. Padfoot: Mr. Padfoot believes he will after he changes the paint to edible paint.

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot simply won't ask....

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony is enjoying the bubble wrap!

Mrs. Padfoot: Mrs. Padfoot is just as confused...

Mrs. Moony: Mrs. Moony yawns and goes back to the bed, untying Mr. Moony...
- 1
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The Tale of the Marauders and their Mistresses