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Why Does Everyone Want to Spank Hermione	By : Albion Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 16922 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Why Does Everyone Want to Spank Hermione
- 2-chapter 2
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Disclaimer:; This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. , Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Set at the end of year seven when all of Harry’s year are over sixteen so legal.   Flames are always welcome — it’s so hot down here they make no difference. Many thanks to Corazon for beta reading- one singing badge on the way.

WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO SPANK HERMIONE?

The editor of the Daily Prophet pondered the question that had been sent into him. Why did everyone want to spank Hogwarts’ star pupil? He decided it would make an interesting article and having summonsed Penelope Clearwater, one of his best young reporters, set off for the Ministry. Cornelius Fudge was more than willing to give permission for the veritas charm to be used. He wanted the truth as well although sadly was unavailable for interview. Penelope went to the school and began the interviews.

‘Professor Dumbledore, why do you want to spank Hermione Grainger? ‘

‘Well, she gives a much better blow job when her bum’s nicely warmed. She’s not called Head Girl for nothing you know. Don’t suppose you fancy a quickie for old times sake?’

‘That was lovely, my dear. I see you’ve kept on practising. ‘

Severus Snape
‘Spank her! Oh no, I’ve never wanted to spank her. Whip her more likely; with my enchanted silken cat.   Whip her until she begs for release, unable to distinguish pain from pleasure. Whip her until she crawls naked through the forbidden forest, her bound and clipped breasts causing exquisite agony as they scrape along the ground. Whip her until she’s begging me to allow her to come. Plunging into her as I whip her breasts until she passes out with pleasure. ‘

‘That’s what we did last weekend and I know she wants it again. ‘

Remus Lupin
‘What a silly question. Have you seen that arse, it absolutely begs to be spanked. I’ve seen it in the flesh of course, who hasn’t. But only at the full moon and it’s a bit difficult to spank with paws. She’s a bloody good mount though, loves it when I knot into her. ‘

Gilderoy Lockhart
Hermione Granger? Why would I want to spank her? Do I know her? Perhaps I sent her an autograph once.

Madame Pince
‘Well, I mean the girl’s such a nuisance taking my books off the shelves and reading them! She’ll wear them out if she doesn’t stop. Never gives me an excuse to deduct points either; always putting them back in the right place. I know she only does it to annoy me. ‘

Madame Pomfrey
‘Well the amount of work she’s causes me. Getting herself petrified when she was only twelve! And the number of times she’s asked for a dose of Morning After Potion. You’d think the girl could remember to take prophylaxis wouldn’t you?And she never protects herself. The number of times I’ve had to cure some embarrassing magical malady. She’s almost as bad as the Potter boy; he’s caught infections that aren’t in the books yet. Only last week he needed treatment for friction burns!I told him if you’ve got to shag the Holyhead Harpies supporters club spread them out a bit. ‘

Harry Potter
‘She’s always nagging me and I mean really! I am the boy who lived! Who needs NEWTs when you’re a world-class hero. If it wasn’t for me she’d be dead. And she tells me off for playing the field. Ok I know I put it about a bit but girls want to be shagged by their hero don’t they. I mean what’s wrong with handing out ‘I shagged the boy who lived,’ singing badges? Better than SPEW and I don’t make anyone wear them. Most girls like the dancing phallus design. I don’t suppose you want one? I’ve just ordered another gross.

‘No? Never mind then. Though I wouldn’t mind getting into your knickers sometime and I bet your tits’d look lovely in a vice. Must go now. I’m going to a little shagfest with some Ravenclaws and Parvati. You should see what she and Padma can do with their tongues. ‘

Ronald Weasley
‘To start with she’s a world class cock teaser. For two years I went out with her and got to shag her once. After that, not so much as a hand job. Merlin I was frustrated! But not her. She was shagging Fred and George at school and Bill and Charlie on the holidays. She even shagged Percy, though that was before he came out. ‘

‘Still must go, I’m meeting Laura Madley at the astronomy tower. ‘

‘What? Yes, she is a bit young but she shags like a Norwegian Ridgeback on speed. And she doesn’t call me ‘pencil dick’ behind my back. That’s another reason to tan Granger’s backside. ‘

Virginia Weasley
Spank her! Oh no; a girl with tongue action like hers doesn’t deserve to be spanked. Though she can get a bit overenthusiastic with a strap-on. Even harder than Harry and he’s got the finesse of a blast ended skrewt.

Draco Malfoy
‘Well she’s a filthy little mudblood for starters. She’s not fit to be one of our house elves, not fit to kiss a dog turd I’ve just trodden in, but she behaves as though she’s something special. ‘

Pansy Parkinson
‘Apart from the fact that she’s a mudblood swot? Well, she’s got Draco infatuated for starters. It doesn’t do much for a girl’s esteem when he cries out her name as he comes. ‘

Gregory Goyle
‘Cuz sheeze a gurll!’

Vincent Crabbe
‘Yeah an sheese a mudbludd too!’

Colin Creevey
‘For the pictures of course.   I’d make a pile of muggle money if I posted pictures on the web of her naked across my lap. ‘

Lavender Brown
‘She thinks she’s so high and mighty with her Head Girl badge and straight O grades. She gets at Parvati and me for talking about boys and she’s out shagging half the night. The stories I’ve heard about her!’

‘Of course I believe them, I’ve seen for myself. Not just gangbangs. I’ve used my crystal ball and seen her in Hagrid’s hut shagging Fang while she blew his owner. She’s just a slut really. ‘

Dean Thomas
My dear, the way she goes on about Seamus and me just cos we’re gay and won’t let her watch. And she calls us promiscuous! That girl is absolutely the Hogwarts broom. If she charged for it she’d be richer than Malfoy. ‘

Argus Filch
‘Spank her? Not me. I’d hang her in chains (I’ve kept them ready) and whip the clothes frer ber back. That Umbridge had the right idea. Whip her till the blood flowed. I’d flay the skin off her. She wouldn’t be casting spells in the corridors after that. How come she can do magic and I can’t? Whip her that’s what I’d do. And that Potter as well. And the Weasley brats.’

The transcription stops here because the interviewee proceeded to name every pupil he’d known at the school.   Rumours that he was discovered shortly afterwards engaged in unnatural activities with a cat have been vigorously denied by the Board of Governors.

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If anyone wants to add to the list please mention it in a review. (I’d love a suggestion for McGonagall.)

I found the title on the net either in a fanfic or on a board. If I’ve nicked it off you please let me know so I can give credit where it’s due. You can’t e-mail me because my spam filter is ferocious. I’ll get back to you.
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Why Does Everyone Want to Spank Hermione