Delightful Pain | By : sabreenthequeen Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 36263 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
A/N: Here, I decided to continue on with Part Two. If you want, you don't need to continue reading if you believe the previous chapter was enough to satisfy you. If you do decide to continue reading, I hope you enjoy. Thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming!
PART TWO: "Delightful Pain."
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Delightful Pain
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Chapter IX: Decisions
Her POV:
He really is gone. He left me.
It had been months that followed that fateful night. The night so much had changed and happened that even now it seems to fuzz my brain. At nights I'd cry over my distressing state or fantasize about that wonderful dream or the kiss that preceded it in the Head Common Room. That night brought a tumult of emotions that with each passing day came harder to suppress.
I had moved back to the Gryffindor Girls' Dorm with my old roommates as per Dumbledore's suggestion. He said I would still retain my Head position yet I was free to choose my sleeping compartments. I could no longer stay in that room. Only memories rather to be forgotten remained there and I wished to get away.
No announcement was made of a new Head Boy and frankly no one spoke of it. Draco Malfoy was stripped of his title, and the other male prefects were made to fill in the gap. It worked well for us all however seeing the empty Head Boy chair in the days of prefects meetings would dampen my spirits. What did I do to deserve such a fate? Why is it that nothing makes sense at all and I am left in the state of neither living or death?
Closing myself within me and slipping on a mask was what I would do when the girls would tell me their daily affairs and the latest gossip. When they spoke of their nocturnal excursions in the Boy's dorms or which ever place they would go to fulfill their girlish desires, my heart would be an empty hole and I fought my stinging eyes.
It was the day I arrived in the Gryffindor Common Room that all my House mates clapped in glee and mirth. They held a party in my honor and because of the fact Ron woke from his coma and was back. It was weeks since I had been in the Gryffindor Common Room and the girls, Seamus, Dean, Neville, and some others were happy that I finally came. Because Ron was back, in the happiness and in the merriment, they must have forgotten their accusations and accepted me once again.
No one knew the real reason I hadn't come these days yet no one asked. They were either oblivious or the impending threat of an attack by Voldemort had left everyone too wary to think past that or their own personal affairs. Some either were so paranoid they jumped at the sound of a simple bottle of ink dropping on the floor or they ignored any threat and lived life to the fullest. I envied their ability to put aside their fears and enjoy. I tried, however I could not do as they did.
Still being in a crowd of merry people, all happy because of me was a welcome change. By loosing myself in the crowd I was able to mingle with them and momentarily forget my anguish. Even if I didn't see the faces of either Ron, Harry or Ginny during the entire time, my heart was lifted and I became one with my House mates. I wanted to see Ron very badly, but I didn't know if I could.
The event that followed the party was what helped me survive these distressing months of trying to decipher my conflicting thoughts about a certain blonde haired Slytherin. Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown had not yet arrived in our shared dorm. Perhaps they intended to spend the night with their beau. I sat at my chair by the table, my heavy 900 page book open right at the middle upon the old rusty mahogany desk. A single candle was lit, sufficient light for my eyes to read the words printed on the many pages. The party had left me exhausted yet I did not wish to sleep. Last night's dream would simply appear under my eyelids and I could not bear the thought of it.
The door behind me opened. A shiver ran down my spine. Could it be? Has he been able to undo the distancing spell and come to me?
My heart was thumping madly in my chest. Anticipation swelled deep within me, my hands felt sweaty, Adrenaline pumped through my veins and my stomach made flips. My eyes were stinging in either fear or happiness. For the moment I couldn't tell which. Turning slowly I rose from my seat. My eyes were closed. I feared that if I opened them, he would leave. I didn't want him to vanish.
As soon as I stood firmly on my two feet, I was enveloped by a hug. Fierce large arms held me tight, nearly cutting off the breath in my lungs. His robes felt worn and soft against my cheek. Years of worn wear passed down from one brother to the next softened the material of the Gryffindor black robes.
A silent tear trailed down the length of my cheek.
'We're so sorry,' two deep male voices said in unison. Ronald Weasley held me tight in my arms and Harry Potter was behind me, squeezing my shoulder in a brotherly fashion.
My hands stayed limp at my sides.
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And so it passed. The days wore on. My heart felt tight whenever I saw the expressionless face of the man who plagued my thoughts, my body, my soul. 50 meters were between us at all times. Our schedules changed so that we shared no classes. We gained as minimum contact as we could.
I had hoped not seeing him would put at an to those thoughts I had. It had not helped but worsened the situation. I looked forward to seeing him at meal times across the hall from me. He at the Slytherin Table and I at Gryffindor. My heart jumped whenever we would lock gazes. He would be the one to look away first.
Ginny Weasley had kept a close watch on me on the months that followed. She had apologized for acting the way she did but told me that she had tried to be friendly but I would always seem to drift off to a land of my own. She agreed that it wasn't my fault what happened to Ron, happened and said that even if it did, it was no excuse for her attitude towards me or the attitude Harry had toward me.
I suppose we all were friends now but the closeness we all had once had vanished and I tried to push us back together only to find myself pulling away. After a while, Ginny forgotten the fact that even she accused me of Ron's situation and we became better and close friends. We shared everything together and there were times I told her nips and pieces of what happened to me without fully saying. Before long she had found out the whole truth by pulling the pieces together. I was too distressed to want to keep it to myself. I needed to confide in someone. Just as Draco had confessed to Dumbledore, I had told Ginny everything except the lust I began to develop for him.
Since then she never told a soul yet when the two of us would be alone simply talking she would bring up the issue and would bug me to set a date for the trial. Dumbledore had brought me to his office countless times and I would always say no. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.
Unfortunately fate was not by my side. The truth that Draco had raped me slipped into the ears of Harry and Ron. Overprotective as they were, they went to attack him. I didn't know what happened after but the next thing I know, I was forcefully taken to the Headmaster's office and a date had been set.
In the middle of April, the day I was fearing the most, arrived. It would be the day my secret would be exposed for all to see. Even with the threat of Voldemort looming in the air, I was necessary for me to go. Off to Wizengamot both Draco's fate and mine would be sealed.
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I had never been in the courtroom before. I heard Harry tell of it but never knew I would be there myself. I sat in one of the witness boxes. Draco sat in the chair in the middle, the chains tight around his wrists. His head was bowed low. After seven months of not being able to be within 50 meters of each other and finally having the spell removed, I longed for the chains to be off and for us to run away... together.
However he did no such thing. He so much as didn't even look me in the eye.
"Did Mr. Draco Lucian Malfoy rape you Miss Granger or not?" repeated Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic. I didn't answer the first time so he said it again.
I looked at Draco's face. He raised his head and his blank eyes stared back at me. His gray eyes were hollow, a deep whirlpool of nothingness.
I felt my heart cramp up and shatter little by little. What was wrong with him? He wasn't supposed to act this way. He was supposed to be cruel and heartless. Not weak and pathetic. I couldn't have him sentenced like this to Azkaban. Not like this. If he were his mean self, I'd gladly do so. However I couldn't to this defeated person before me.
I looked over to the eyes of Harry Potter. His emerald eyes were flashing in anger at Draco. He was mad at him for what he did to me. And I agree that what Draco did to me in the beginning was wrong. Even now I remember the pain he inflicted on me. Looking in the mirror there was an emptiness that my eyes possessed. Scars were still left on my body from those days. At times seeing those scars and remembering the daily pain and fear I felt would make me mad at him than anything else. It hurt so much. He took my innocence forcefully and still didn't give it back. I was still left tormented by those days. He deserved Azkaban. He deserved to be punished.
But no. A part of me, the weaker part felt he didn't. He had changed. He wasn't the same bastard. He felt sorry for what he had done. It was that reason that he confessed. Wasn't accepting your crime punishment enough?
I turned my gaze to the tall young man next to the Boy-Who-Lived. He had a laughing face, one that was currently still mad at Draco but smiling at me to give me moral support. He had a crown of flaming red hair upon his head, and freckles lightly dotted around his nose and cheeks. He looked so innocent and sweet. I just wish he was here before. Maybe he could've been there to stop all this.
I flicked my gaze over to all the Weasley clan and then some members of the Order of the Phoenix. Even though Intelligence says that Voldemort was to launch his attack any moment now they were still here. Everyone was here. All were encouraging me with their eyes. They were telling me to say yes and punish the foul Slytherin.
I went to look at Draco one more time. And then it was decided. I couldn't do it. One look at him and all those lustful cravings washed through me like a tidal wave. The way he said "sorry" that night had softened me considerably. He pushed me away when I practically threw myself at him. He confessed. And even though he confessed, my saying no can save him from being sentenced to Azkaban. Without my word confirming it no action would be taken.
My eyes were stinging so much. Pressure was driving me to tears. Yes or no? my mind kept repeating over and over in my head. The judges on the higher benches were asking me the same thing. They began interrogating me with that one question and my answer was yet to be given.
My friends say yes. And me? What do I want? And Draco what does he?
He was mouthing the word 'Yes.'
I felt shattered that moment. Why did he want me to say yes? Doesn't he know what the outcome of that one word can be? Doesn't he know that it can ruin him forever?
I shook my head. I did not want that to happen. Besides what can punishing him achieve? Can it put a stop to these thoughts? These feelings? The want?
No so why torture him and myself when all this can be avoided?
"Just say yes!" I heard Draco bellow. He spoke for the first time during the entire trial. My eyes were fixed on his face. The hollowness I found earlier was replaced with anger and then desperation. "Please Hermione," he whispered then. "Just end this torture. I can't handle it any longer. Just say yes and let me go. Set us both free Hermione."
I could only nod my head and say a weak, "Yes," in response. My eyes were entranced by his lips and his eyes. He spoke my name. I was in such a trance-like state that I didn't even realize the words I had said. My name on his lips had rendered me speechless. He had used my first name before but it was with fake sweetness and contempt. Now it was pure with no ulterior motive. It made my shattered heart swell.
Fudge said something. Other judges and people of the jury raised hands. A hammer beat upon the hard wood desk. I didn't even hear anything else but the pounding of my heart. My eyes couldn't tear away from Draco's until I saw being taken away. He was sentenced to ten years of imprisonment in Azkaban.
I finally understood what I had said.
What have I done?
I had made a decision to not let him get imprisonment so what had happened? Was I so stricken by Draco's voice that I had not realized what my lips had said. I wiped a tear with the back of my hand and stared at the now empty chair.
Draco had once said he would escape Azkaban if he ever did get sentenced and come back for me. Would he do that now or would this be the last time I would see him? Or would 10 years later we would finally meet. Would by then I will forget all this?
I doubt it. I doubt I can ever forget. And I doubt that these feelings of want and desire will ever cease. He had imprisoned me it doesn't make sense if he himself would be imprisoned. He says this will set him free but it has only dug us even deeper. Him saying my name was too much for me to let go.
I bit my lip. I wanted to scream out all my agony but my mouth was dry, my throat scratchy.
Harry, Ron, and Ginny made their way towards me yet I didn't listen to what they had to say. The empty chair in the middle of the courtroom was all I could see. Was this it then? Was this the end?
I shook my head and stood up slowly ignoring Ron's attempt to embrace me. Draco will come back to me. He said he will. And I would help him. Yes. It was I who sent him in there and I would take him out. I didn't even know how but that was still my decision. I will do exactly what he asked me to. I will set him 'free.'
But still looking at that empty chair, I couldn't help but wonder was this it then? Was this the end?
Was this the final outcome. The final decision?
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A/N: Well here it is, Part Two. I must admit, the situation with Ron might sound odd and Hermione getting back with her friends too. But that's because this version differs greatly from the FF version and this was the best I could do to alter it. The last chapter will be the 13th. I would've update sooner if I were able to, but my grandpa passed away and I wasn't here for a while and I'm still in mourning. Please stay patient and I'll be back with more chapters soon. I hope you all will like this next part. Review and tell me what you think so far.
All Hail,
Queen of Serpents
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