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Deeds and their consequences	By : GothVamp Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1866 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to update (again X_X), but this is the longest chapter so far and pretty crucial. I hope you haven't all abondoned me and will keep reviewind. And sorry in advance for the cliffy (Hey whay would GothVamp be without a cliffy? *ducks as randome objects are thrown at her*

A/N 2: I've just finished reading book six, so this is now totally an AU, the story is already finished in my head, so it will not be influenced by The Half Blood Prince. So some characters (those who already finished book 6 will know which character I mean in particular) will behave differently than you'd expect after reading HP6

Chapter ten: The sins of thy beloved

~I'm searching for answers
Cause something is not right.
I follow the signs,
I'm close to the fire.

I fear that soon you'll reveal
Your dangerous mind.

It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I fear your smile and the promise inside.
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I fear your presence, I'm frozen inside.

I'm searching for answers
Not questioned before.
The curse of awareness,
There's no peace of mind.
As your true colors show
A dangerous sign.

It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I see the truth that you've buried inside.
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
There is no mercy, just anger I find.

I just have to know, while I still have time.
Do I have to run, or hide away from you?~
(A dangerous mind, Within Temptation)

Harry was running through a dark corridor, opening all the doors he came across. Every room was empty and even if there was something in it, Harry didn�t know what he was looking for. It had something to do with Sirius and he had very little time. That was all he knew. Ha started to get out of breath, but continued running. Another door. Nothing. And another. Nothing again. Harry was getting desperate now, there was so little time. He grabbed yet another doorknob, expecting the door to open like the others had done, but this one remained closed. He pushed at it. Then banged and finally kicked it so hard, it flew open. He was standing in utter darkness. No light, no sound, still Harry knew that this was the right room. He walked on in the dark and his eyes gradually got used to the darkness. He heard a faint sound, like a whisper or a breath and moved towards it. Finally he saw a figure hunched on the floor, a man, his dark hair covering his face. Then the man looked up and Harry saw that it was Sirius, Sirius the way he had looked when he escaped from Azkaban. Even worse. His face was grayish, his hair all tangled and greasy and he had big, black circles under his eyes. Looking closer Harry saw that he was chained to a wall.

�It�s going to be alright, I�m here. I�m going to help you.�

But instead of smiling, Sirius looked up with a frightened expression. His brow furrowed.

�Why? Why Harry? Why have you done this to me?�

Harry was perplexed. He? He hadn�t done anything! He only wanted to help. Apparently Sirius thought otherwise. His voice grew in volume as he was screaming �Why?�

�How could you? I trusted you! I loved you!�

It was becoming too much for Harry to handle. He pushed his ears close with his hands, but still he could hear his godfather�s cries. The world began to spin and he suddenly felt nauseous.
***
Harry woke up with a start in total darkness. He looked at where Sirius was sleeping. At least, that was what he intended to do, but all he saw were drapes.

�Oh that�s right. I�m back in the dorm room.�
It was a month ago that Sirius came back into Harry�s life and since then they had shared Harry�s room. But lately Sirius started to talk about living on his own and asking Dumbledore for a space of his own. So Harry offered to move back into the Gryffindor dorm room. His godfather protested against that, but Harry told him that it was time for him to go back to his friends and pick up his old life again.

That was what he said, his feelings, however, were different. The month he had spent with Sirius had been the happiest of his life. He didn�t understand why his godfather suddenly wanted to live apart. It hurt, but at the same time Harry knew deep inside that Sirius was a man and that he, a mere teenager, couldn�t be his only company for long. If Sirius needed space, Harry was willing, though reluctant, to provide it.

So yesterday it was settled, Harry moved back into the sixthyears� dorm.
Harry pulled the drapes aside and reached for his glasses, putting them on, he looked at his watch. Six in the morning. On a Sunday. Harry groaned and let himself fall back on the bed. There was no chance of falling back asleep and he didn�t want to disturb the rest of the boys by getting up. His thoughts strayed back to the dream. He was used to nightmares, he�d had them almost every night of his life, but this one was different. He couldn�t explain this dream. Most of the dreams he recently had were all about Sirius and about losing him or bringing him back wrong somehow. They could all be explained by his fears. But this one. Harry didn�t have a clue where that came from. Why was Sirius captured and where or by who? But most important; why did he blame Harry?

�Don�t be ridiculous, it�s just a dream,� the green eyed boy whispered. He pulled the blanket over him tighter and turned to lie on his side. It was pretty cold in the dorm. The fires would be lit around seven. Harry tossed and turned, but he couldn�t fall asleep, nor did he manage to get any warmer. He felt uneasy. His sixth sense was telling him that something wasn�t right and that he should go check on Sirius, but his more reasonable side, which sounded suspiciously a lot like Hermione, told him he was being childish and overreacting. He had promised himself to give Sirius some space and that was what he would do.

Harry stayed in bed until seven and then quietly crept to the bathroom.
***

After getting a quick breakfast in the kitchens Harry got his Firebolt and spent the rest of the morning flying around Hogwarts� grounds. The wind was chilling and occasionally it would snow, but the cold and the wind cleared his head of all unwelcome thoughts and he realized how much he had missed flying. At noon he came back half frozen to the Great Hall to eat lunch.
All his friends were occupied with something: Neville was engrossed in a book on herbology, Dean was telling Seamus about some Quiddich game he had seen in the summer and still couldn�t forget, Hermione and Ron were having their usual lovers quarrel. Harry had thought that once they would admit their feelings for each other the bickering would stop, but it had actually increased. Apparently it was their normal behavior around each other. He sighed. His friends were so used to him not being there, that when he was there, they didn�t even notice him.
Not that he was in a great mood to talk. His thoughts kept on straying back to Sirius. He hadn�t seen him at the staff table and was now getting really worried. He decided to visit him this afternoon. He knew that some day he would have to let Sirius out of his sight and get on with his life, but not just yet, he had missed the man too much to do so.
The rest of the afternoon crept by. Harry talked to Ron, played chess with Neville and tried to read a book, but at three �o clock he couldn�t take it anymore and went to his former room.

Coming closer he heard voices and stopped in front of Sirius�s door, unsure whether to go in. He recognized the other voice as Remus and Remus did not sound happy.
��damn it, Padfoot. You should be giving Harry the good example, but instead you�re acting like a jerk!�
Harry held his breath. This was the first time he heard Remus curse. He wasn�t really happy that the fight seemed to be about him, neither that someone, let alone Remus, called his godfather a jerk.
�I�m just being myself. I think you�re really overreacting. Seriously Remus, you need to relax. All the teaching has made you extremely boring.�
�You�re just being yourself? Then apparently nearly 30 years of friendship isn�t enough to know you. I guess our friendship isn�t as strong as I thought it was.�
�30 years of friendship? So I suppose you count those 12 years you left me rot in Azkaban alone as part of our friendship? Hah!�
Harry flinched. He really thought that the two best friends had gotten over it, but apparently Sirius still held the grudge.

There was a long silence on the other side of the door followed by Remus�s voice, which suddenly sounded hoarse and trembling.
�If this is how you feel, I don�t think we have anything to say to each other anymore. I thought I knew you, but I don�t know you at all Sirius Black.�

The words were followed by footsteps and Harry stepped away from the door, acting like he was just walking by. Remus walked right past him, only shooting him a fleeting gaze.

Harry gulped and turned towards the door opening where Sirius stood. The man had the doorknob in his hand and was looking at the retreating back of his best friend. He had a confused look in his eyes and frowned. Harry softly called his godfather�s name, but the man didn�t seem to hear him. Then he reached out his hand and touched Sirius�s. The animagus stirred and noticed his godson for the first time. He flashed a recognizing smile, but didn�t seem to understand the situation fully.
�Sirius, ehm, maybe it�s not my business, but what happened between you and Remus?�
Sirius frowned again. �I, I�m not quite sure myself.�
Then he smiled and ruffled his godson�s hair. �Don�t worry your head over it.� Sirius gave him a half hug with his right arm. Harry awkwardly hugged him back and decided that whatever happened between Sirius and Remus will eventually turn out right. They were best friends after all.
***
A week later the quarrel was nearly forgotten, when an other event triggered Harry�s memory.

It was Tuesday afternoon and the two were sitting on the windowsill in one of the corridors Hogwarts had. Sirius was bored and was playing with his new wand that was given to him by the Ministry a couple of days ago. Harry noticed it and asked if Sirius wanted to do something, but the man was already looking at someone coming their way. His eyes twinkled mischievously and he smirked. Severus Snape was walking down the hall with a pile of scrolls in his arms. Sirius nudged Harry and pointed that way.
�Perfect timing,� he murmured. He pretended to look very intently at something past the glass, while he pointed his wand at Snape and whispered something. Immediately the pile of scrolls in Severus� hands jerked and scrolls scattered all over the floor. Harry didn�t know whether to laugh or to be worried. He had learned the hard way that you really shouldn�t make Seveus Snape pissed. The man looked surprised at the scrolls on the ground and then around him. Noticing Harry and Sirius his eyes narrowed.
�Potter, Black! That was really childish, but to you two nothing is too low I presume? Accio scrolls� Angrily he started to gather all the fallen scrolls back into his hands.
�Hey, I can�t help it if you�re clumsy, now can I, Snivellus?� came Sirius� matter-of-fact-answer. Snape gritted his teeth and tightened the grip on his wand.
�Don�t mess with me, Black, or I�ll make you regret it.�
Severus had all the fallen scrolls back in his arms and turned to leave. Harry let out a relieved sigh, but if he thought that the danger had passed, he was mistaken. Sirius wasn�t done yet. He pointed his wand at Snape�s retreating back and, before Harry could stop him, cast a spell. The scrolls in Severus� hands didn�t just fall to the ground this time, they flew up, bounced off the ceiling and fell down on Snape�s head. Some students stopped to watch the strange display and Harry�s worry grew into panic. Snape didn�t let it rest this time, but swirled around and aimed his wand at Sirius, who had jumped off the windowsill and grabbed his own wand. The situation was very similar to the incident at Grimmaulds place, except this time Harry wasn�t sure if it would be enough for him to jump between the angry men in order to stop them from hurting each other. Should a duel start, Harry knew deep inside that Sirius wouldn�t be able to win it. Snape was a very skilled duelist and while Sirius could take good care of himself, he hadn�t used a wand for over a year. Harry knew all of this the same way he knew that, should it become ugly, he would jump in front of Sirius any time, no matter who was right, he would protect Sirius even if it meant hurting his teacher, or worse. Snape knew that too. It was one thing to duel an equal, it was a totally different thing to also have to be aware of a boy who had killed the Dark Lord. The trouble was, Snape, when challenged, was just as hotheaded as Sirius.
�You�re trying my patience, Black. Do you really want me to curse you? I�ve wanted to do that since the first day I�ve met you and the feeling has only increased with the years. Just give me one reason.� Everything was said slowly, clearly and calm, but Snape�s knuckles were white from gripping his wand and he gritted his teeth so hard, he could barely speak.
Sirius was not impressed at all.

�My dear Severus, you wouldn�t even curse a fly in your position. You�re too damn scared to lose your job! It�s really pathetic actually, but pathetic is the right word to describe your whole life on to this point, isn�t it?� More and more people were gathering around the fighting pair, some students looked scared, others curious.

�Born to parents that didn�t give a damn about you, fighting all the time, never really good at anything at school, just a pale stupid kid, Malfoy�s little lapdog.� Sirius�s tone was light and he started to walk circles around Snape.

�Is that why you became a Death Eater? Because Lucius was one?� A gasp went through the group of spectators. Only a few of the teachers and just a couple students had known that Severus had been a Death Eater. Until now.

�But even that you managed to fuck up, didn�t you? Voldemort� another gasp, �turned out to be too scary and playing with the big boys was harder than you thought. So you ran right back to Dumbledore with your tail between your legs. The old fool had always had a weak spot for losers so he gave you a job. A job you can�t stand, teaching kids you loath who in turn all hate you. And the saddest thing is that that�s all you�ve got and all you�ll ever have, because no one cares about you. You are either hated or pitied. So just be the good puppy you are and don�t bark at a stronger dog.�
Sirius was done. Everyone around him was stunned into silence, not only the students, but even Severus Snape had for the first time in his life no sarcastic or witty remark, no dead glare, no snap, no smirk, instead, he looked dumbfounded. Harry would have laughed at his expression, except it wasn�t funny. Not funny at all. He was shocked as much as Snape was, maybe even more. The man was defeated and hurt, that was clear, even worse, he had no clue as how to handle that. He just stood there, his wand still raised, anger, defeat, amazement flashing over his face.
Only when Harry looked back at Sirius did he notice that the man was already far down the hall. He just walked away. Casting a glance at Snape, who was slowly regaining his composure, Harry decided it would be saver for him to leave too. So he turned around and headed after his godfather.
He caught up with him in a minute, but it took him more time to regain his ability to speak. He grabbed Sirius by the hand and forced him to a hold. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he could get the words out.

�What the hell was that?! What were you thinking?�
�What? The greasy git deserved it to be put back into his place. Don�t tell me YOU feel sorry for him. Not after all he�s done to you, to us.�
�No, yes. I mean, that was really cruel what you did back there, to humiliate him like that in front of his students, telling about his Death Eater past.�
�Hey, it was his own choice to become one!�
�A choice he paid a high price for.�
�Whatever. Honestly, loosen up Harry. You�re turning into another Remus. Stop whining. It was fun.�

Having said that Sirius continued his walk like nothing had happened. Harry was stunned. He remained standing there, looking at Sirius�s retreating figure.
***
Since that incident Harry steered away from Sirius for a couple of days. He was confused. The way his godfather had acted was nothing like the man he knew and loved. It was true that Sirius and Snape weren�t exactly what you called best friends, but their arguments and fights had always been superficial. Trying to provoke, taunt, but never to humiliate in public or systematically attack every weak spot, that was something new. And what to think of the way Sirius had stayed calm through the whole ordeal, he, a man that always would let himself be led by his emotions.

This arrogant way had reminded Harry of the old Sirius, the teen he got a glimpse of when he had looked through Snape�s pensive. He didn�t like that. Sirius and Remus had told him that that kind of behavior and attitude was in the past for both of them, that they had been very stupid and that they were sorry. But was that really true, he wondered? Was the real Sirius the kind and loving person he had met during his third year or was he still the same as when he had been a kid? Was the kindness only an act? Harry didn�t dare to assume that. He didn�t even want to think about it, because if it was true, than everything he had believed in had been a lie, everything he had fought for had been in vain.
At the end of another day filled with worrying, guessing and pondering the situation, Harry decided it was enough. It was nothing like him to run away from his problems. He was someone who would confront them head on, even if it could, and it often had, get him and his friends in trouble. It was time to go to the source of his troubles: Sirius. He would ask him what was happening and what had happened that day and Harry was sure that Sirius would have a perfectly logical explanation�at least, that was what he hoped.
It was already late when Harry set out to Sirius� room, nearly pas the curfew, so the halls were almost deserted except for a couple of teachers and some lost first years, the corridors silent, but when he reached his former room, he heard something. It sounded as a grunt coming from Sirius, followed by a moan. A thousand thing flashed through Harry�s mind: Is Sirius hurt? Is he having a nightmare? Has Snape decided to take revenge on him and are they battling now? He pointed his wand at the door, shouted �allohamora� and when the lock clicked, burst into the room�
�and stopped dead in his tracks. Nothing he was going over in his head for the last couple of seconds came even close to what was actually happening. Sirius was lying on the bed and a strangely familiar looking woman with long blonde hair and an impressive d�collet� was draped around him. Harry felt like he was punched in the stomach; he felt suddenly dizzy and short of breath. The woman gave a little cry when her eyes fell on Harry and draped the sheet around her form, getting off the bed immediately. Harry knew he should look away or leave, that he was invading someone�s privacy, but his body refused to move. He felt his cheeks turn scarlet and with some effort he managed to turn his eyes from the woman to Sirius, who looked intensely annoyed. A jab of pain shot through Harry and he finally managed to turn around. His hands started to shake and different emotions washed over him like waves, one after another: embarrassment, pain, jealousy and betrayal. He realized that this woman was the reason that Sirius wanted more privacy, that he had less time for Harry now. But Harry had always assumed that Sirius saw him as a friend and weren�t friends supposed to be able to talk about these things? It hurt that his godfather didn�t think he was worth sharing this with. Even after Harry had told him everything about himself. About how he missed his parents, about Cho, about his struggles through the years. Slowly, Harry felt the ability to speak return to him and, though his voice shook, managed to utter: �I�m s-sorry, I�ll go��
�No don�t. I will leave,� he heard the woman say and he finally realized who she was. He spun around to see the now fully clothed Tonks standing near the door, her hear the usual pink and her breasts a size smaller. She was blushing and looking apologetically at him. Then she grabbed her bag and sped out of the room, leaving Harry and Sirius alone.
The green-eyed wizard suddenly found his shoes extremely fascinated and kept staring at them until Sirius sat up and asked: �Well, what is it?�
Harry looked up at him, bewildered. �What is it?� Didn�t Sirius understand that this was quite a thing to progress for his godson? That he was shocked?

�What do you mean what is it?�
Sirius let out an irritated sigh, �What is it that you wanted to see me about that was so important and urgent that you didn�t have the time to knock?�
Harry had no idea. All the memory from before the moment he walked into the door had been wiped clean from his mind. He blushed even more. �I-I don�t know.�
�You don�t know?!�
Now Harry started to get a bit angry himself too. Why didn�t Sirius understand that he felt shocked, betrayed even? �Look, I thought I heard something and, well, I thought you were hurt or something. I�m sorry to have barged in like that, but if you would have told me that you had a visitor, I would�ve surely knocked. Or if at least you would have told me that you were involved with someone.�
Harry looked away again and there was a long moment of silence when both thought about what had been said. Harry wasn�t sure why he was taking this so personally, after all Sirius was a grown man, he could sleep with whomever he wanted. Still, seeing him with someone else had hurt, had hurt more that Harry ever imagined it could have. It felt like his heart was being torn out. The thoughts in his head were confusing him, just as Sirius was, just sitting there on the edge of the bed. Then something occurred to him, he had to know how long this had been going on.
� So�how long have you two have had a relationship?�
Sirius� arched his eyebrow. �Relationship? I wouldn�t call it that.�
Harry was getting more and more confused. �But, don�t you love her?�
At that Sirius actually let out a laugh. �Love her? Are you nuts? Of course not! We fuck occasionally. I mean who would have a girl who can change her appearance at will? It�s like doing it with someone else every time. I wonder how far she can actually go? Maybe she can turn herself into a boy next time�that could be fun.�
Harry was seriously angry now, how could his godfather talk so disrespectfully about someone who was so close to him. �How can you say that?! You treat her like she�s a object. Have you no feelings?�
Sirius got up and approached Harry, who stepped back until his back hit the wall. Even though he was the strongest wizard and fully clothed, while Sirius stood there in his boxers, Harry felt very weak and vulnerable. He thought for a moment that Sirius would hit him, but instead he smiled. No, smile was the wrong word, it was more a smirk.
�Why do you care so much about how I talk about her? Are you jealous?�
Harry shook his head, but couldn�t prevent himself from turning red. The animagus studied him intensely, until the boy averted his gaze, not being able to look him in the eye. Sirius then took his chin between his fingers and lifted his head up to face him. There was a smug expression on the older wizard�s face.

�I see, you aren�t jealous of me, you�re jealous of her, aren�t you?� Harry�s face paled. He felt cornered, like an animal in the headlights of a car. To hear Sirius say something he wasn�t even ready to admit to himself was unsettling.

Sirius�s fingers traced his cheek slowly and ghosted over his neck. �But I�m sure we can work something out.�

Harry felt nauseous. This was going very wrong. He didn�t recognize this Sirius, he was afraid of him. Suddenly he regained control over his body again and slapped his godfather�s hand away, shoving him aside with the little strength he had left, Harry dashed for the door. He felt hot tears prickle in the corners of his eyes and his breathing was erratic. Suddenly his life seemed to be falling apart and for once he had no idea what to do about it.

He sped down the stairs and through the Great Hall, not noticing that Ron and Hermione watched him run past them with worried expressions. He pushed the door open and ran into the cold air, it was already dark and when he jumped off the final stair, he landed into fresh snow that came up to his knees. He was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but he was too upset to feel the cold. He ran further and further till he reached the frozen lake. There his legs gave away under him and he landed on his knees, tears now freely streaming down his face.
He didn�t know how long he had sat like that before he felt a warm cloak and Hermione�s arms wrap around him. Only then did he notice that he was shaking. He just wasn�t sure if it was from the cold.
�Harry what happened?�
�N-nothing.�
�Sure, because nothing has happened you are sitting in the snow, crying your eyes out,� said Ron crouching on the other side of Harry. �Look, it�s us mate, your best friends, you can tell us.�
Harry sighed and wiped away the tears he had noticed for the first time.

�It�s Sirius. He�s been acting, well, weird, scary. It�s like I don�t know him anymore, like he is a totally different person all of a sudden.�
Hermione looked strangely at him. She looked sad, but not surprised at all. �Harry,�there is something I wanted to tell you a long time now, something that has bothered me about Sirius from the beginning. I didn�t dare to speak to you about it, because you seemed so happy and I was also afraid you wouldn�t believe it, but now you�ve said it yourself, so I��
�What is it? Right now I�m willing to believe everything.�
�Well, you see��
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Deeds and their consequences