Secrets

\"December 24th, nearly christmas,\" he thought. Normally, his christmas celebrations were nothing to write home about. Dinner with Dumbledore, a night spent by the fire, reading. This year, however, was different. For some reason that was beyond him, he felt compelled to give the boy who lived a proper christmas, something that he was sure the boy had never had. He had set out into Hogsmeade that morning, casting a bonding charm on the boy so that he would know if he had any trouble. Snape wasn\'t sure what, exactly, constituted a proper christmas. He knew that there was a tree involved, and probably a meal of some sort. Mainly, though, he knew that there were presents. \"What does one get the person who has nothing,\" he thought. He headed into Zonko\'s Joke Shop, but left abruptly. He didn\'t care what the youth of today found fun or appropriate, he wasn\'t spending any of his money on that. He didn\'t want stinkbombs going off in his quarters. He popped into Honeyduke\'s and purchased some candies. Secretly, Snape had always rather enjoyed chocolate frogs. When he was a child, he used to dream that one day, he would be a good enough wizard to be placed on a trading card in a chocolate frog candy. He also purchased some Bertie Bott\'s Every Flavor Jelly Beans and some pumpkin tarts.

Still, though, he wasn\'t sure what kind of present to get the boy. Aimlessly, he wandered the streets, staring at the other wizards out doing their last minute holiday errands. Looking at some women, he wondered what they got their teenage sons or daughters. He realized the only way to get the proper thing for Harry would be to ask. \"Bloody hell,\" he thought. Snape hated having to admit ignorance. He took a deep breath and walked toward the group of chatting ladies. Almost shyly, he looked at them and began to speak.

\"Um,\" he stuttered, \"I was wondering if I might ask a question.\" Nervously, he looked at the women. He was expecting them to lash out, to be mad. Instead, they smiled.

\"Of course,\" one woman replied. She was amused by this great, tall man who seemed to be reduced to a small child at the prospect of asking for help.

\"You see,\" Snape continued, \"there\'s this teenage boy I know and he\'s never had a proper christmas and...\"

\"Oh, we\'ll help you,\" spoke another woman, excitedly. \"How old is he?\"

\"Um...\"stammered Severus, \"I think he\'s 16.\"

\"Well then, we\'ll just take you with us,\" the first lady spoke, nearly dragging Snape with her as she entered a store. Bewildered, Snape followed, wondering what these ladies had in mind for him. Certainly, as he looked around the store, he realized that this was the last sort of place that he wanted to be. Fluffy bows adorned everything, and the lights were far too bright. There was a sharp hint of pine in the air. Chattering excitedly, the women pulled him towards what appeared to be boy\'s clothing.

\"But he...school...uniform...\" spoke Snape.

\"Nonsense,\" said one of the women, \"what about dates? You think he wants to wear his school duds on a date?\"

Snape wasn\'t sure that Harry would ever be whole enough to date, but the woman probably had a point.

\"I don\'t know what size he is,\" mentioned Snape.

\"That\'s why you buy charmed clothing. It automatically sizes itself to the wearer.\" She tossed him a burgundy jumper and a pair of corduroy pants.

\"What colors does this boy like,\" asked another lady.

\"I have no idea,\" said Snape.

\"Well, what does he look like?\"

\"Um...he has hair...it\'s black. I think his eyes are green,\" Snape spoke. He felt like an idiot. Of course he knew what Potter looked like. He just couldn\'t describe it properly. His mind wanted to spit out all sorts of things. He wanted to mention that Harry\'s hair was unruly and poked up in every direction, that his eyes were the deepest green he\'d ever seen. Instead, he was reduced to a faltering, stammering child.

\"Oh, then he\'ll look good in red,\" said one lady. She grabbed a few pullover shirts and threw them to Snape.

\"Um...I think perhaps this is enough clothing,\" said Severus, eyeing the pile of young men\'s clothing in his arms.

\"Very well. What else does this young man like,\" inquired one woman.

\"He plays guitar,\" recalled Snape.

\"Oh, then I know just the place!\" Before Snape could protest, he was pulled out into the street, clothing still in hand, and directed into the tiniest music shop he\'d ever seen. Clearly, his day was just getting started.
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When Harry woke up, he realized that he was alone for the first time in days. There was no Snape to talk to him, to keep him from doing as he wished. The quarters were his to explore, his to enjoy. It was strange, he thought, that he didn\'t want to do anything wrong. He wasn\'t really in the mood to get high, not that he could anyway. Snape had seen to that. He didn\'t really feel like thinking about the past. There would be enough of that in the future. Instead, Harry sat curled up on the sofa, staring at nothing, and enjoying the warmth of the room. He realize that he had no idea what day it was, and smiled. Soon, he knew, he would have to return to school, but Snape would probably mention that. Eyes closed, he began to daydream.

He saw Snape. For some reason, the potions master had taken a prominent spot in his dreams and daydreams. He couldn\'t figure out why. In the dream world in Harry\'s head, Snape was not \"sir\" or \"professor,\" but \"Severus\" or \"Sev.\" He did not scowl. Instead, the older man laughed, enjoyed spending time with Harry, reveled in life. There was something there, Harry knew, but he didn\'t know what. He knew that he wanted something, but there were no words for what he desired. He just knew that when he saw the potions master in his dreams that he was lefth longing for something. At the same time, he feel terrified, because of the ambiguity and novelty of it all.

\"Maybe,\" he thought, \"I want Snape as a family member.\" Running his hands through his hair, he realized that he didn\'t know what the duties or traits of family member were. Turning his attention back to his fantasy, he saw Snape walking towards him, Snape holding out his hand. Nervously, Harry took it. Then, Harry became too scared to continue to dream. The mystery scared him.

The boy walked over to the corner, where Snape had stowed his guitar. Gently, he picked up the instrument and began to play. Aimlessly he played, filling the room with gentle music for hours. Song after song poured from the boy. He didn\'t notice when Snape entered the room, didin\'t realize that the older man was standing in the doorway, watching him play.