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To Love Again	By : harrystrulove Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 11114 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Potterverse or the song in this chapter, which is "This Could Be the One" by Bad Company.

It was half past midnight. Gryffindor Tower was quiet and comfortably dark as usual with soft moonlight entering the room, casting an eerie glow on the floor and bedside table. The bedchamber was very quiet, with only Ron's snores breaking the silence. Everybody was fast asleep and dreaming about Merlin knows what...everybody but Harry.

Harry laid on his back and stared up at the dark canopy above his bed, thinking about the events of the past several months. So much had happened between himself and Draco since the start of term. "Draco," he whispered, smiling slightly at the sound of the Slytherin's name. Then the smile faded as quickly as it came.

I've been alone since I don't know when
And I don't need another lover
I just don't know if I can fall again
It's been gettin' me down

After Draco saved Harry back in September, the Gryffindor just wanted to repay him so that he could get on with his life. He had absolutely no intentions of becoming Draco's friend, and he sure as hell wasn't expecting to develop these...feelings. Somewhere along the line, things went horribly wrong.

Harry knew it was wrong, it had to be. Yet when he was with Draco, he felt things he swore he'd never feel again after Ginny's passing; he felt happy and complete. He also felt terribly, immensely guilty. You can't do this to Ginny, Harry scolded himself. How could he allow himself to love anybody so soon after her death? And why did he have to fall for Draco Malfoy of all people?

"I can't get involved with Draco, Ginny would hate me if she knew," Harry muttered under his breath.

A lump formed in his throat at the thought of breaking up with Draco. Since the beginning of seventh year, Harry had watched his former enemy slowly evolve and grow as a person. The kinder and sweeter Draco became, the more Harry loved him. Now his love for Draco was so strong that he simply couldn't bring himself to leave.

And I never dreamt we could be
Something happened and I can't walk away
How could I know I'd get in too deep
I'm not fooling around

Hey baby, I'm scared of letting it out

_________________________________________________________________________

Harry laughed when he felt Draco start to suck on his neck. "Oh, no you don't! It took at least a week for that damn hickey to fade completely!" He playfully pushed on the blond wizard's chest.

"I can't help it, love. You look good enough to eat!" Draco raised his head, his handsome face aglow with fun and mischief in the fading sunlight that shone through the Room of Requirement windows. He smiled flirtatiously and wiggled his eyebrows at the Gryffindor.

Harry flushed attractively, as he always did when Draco flirted with him. "Lucky for you, my dear, I managed to convince everybody that it was just a rash--everybody but Ron and Hermione. They think I have a secret girlfriend."

Draco laughed and leaned his forehead against Harry's, his hand on the back of the Gryffindor's neck. "Can you imagine the looks on their faces if they knew the truth?"

Harry chuckled, but the Slytherin's comment reminded him of that fateful Sunday morning a week ago, when he realized how wrong it was for him to date someone so soon after Ginny's death. His stomach was tied in knots as inner turmoil ate away at him, but he couldn't let on to Draco what he was really thinking and feeling. He didn't know what to do, but decided not to say anything to his beau as of yet.

The blond Slytherin watched as Harry's smile faded and his eyes had a far away look in them. His mind seemed to be somewhere else tonight. Draco tenderly traced the side of Harry's arm with his index finger, then placed the finger under the Gryffindor's chin, lifting his face slightly. Harry's worried eyes looked up at him.

"Is anything bothering you, love?"

The handsome brunette looked at Draco's sympathetic face, and felt confused. He wanted this--wanted Draco--more than anything, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind kept reminding him of the girl he used to love; the one who sacrificed her life for Harry not even a year ago.

"I have an idea," Draco grinned as he gathered his unusually pensive sweetheart in his arms and kissed him softly. "I don't know about you, but I've come down with a mad case of cabin fever. How about you and I take your Invisibility Cloak outside tomorrow to watch the sunset?"

Normally, Harry would've loved this idea, but at this time he was too bogged down with contradicting thoughts and feelings to fully appreciate Draco's romantic side.

Draco's brow furrowed. He was hoping his suggestion would cheer up the Gryffindor, but Harry still seemed troubled by something; something he clearly didn't want to discuss. "Well, it was just a thought. We don't have to go outside tomorrow if you don't want to."

"No, it's not that," Harry gave Draco what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'd love to watch the sunset with you, Draco."

The two young men stood up from the couch. Harry threw his Invisibility Cloak around himself and Draco before walking his boyfriend out of the Room of Requirement and back to the Slytherin living quarters. The Gryffindor looked over at the stunning blond, smiling to himself. He never thought he'd consider himself blessed to be with Draco, but he undoubtedly was. It was as if Draco's heart had experienced a complete overhaul, and Harry liked it. In fact, the Slytherin was as now as sweet as Ginny used to be.

Oh, Ginny, Harry frowned and stared guiltily at the floor. He looked at Draco again, feeling doubly bad because he was afraid to let himself really love the Slytherin.

They walked in a companionable silence, hand in hand until they found the entrance to the Slytherin Common Room. Upon reaching the entryway, Draco turned and gave Harry one last heart-melting kiss, then whispered, "See you tomorrow, love."

"Yes, tomorrow," Harry smiled and blushed, his stomach doing flip-flops as he watched Draco disappear through the entrance.

That next evening, the air was pleasantly cool as a gentle breeze rustled the thin, silvery fabric that hid the two young men from view. There was nobody else outside on the sunlit Hogwarts grounds as Harry sat between Draco's legs, his back resting against the Slytherin's chest as Draco's strong, comforting arms wrapped around him from behind.

Despite his inner turmoil, Harry loved being held by Draco and couldn't help grinning like a Cheshire cat as he leaned back and rested his head on Draco's shoulder.

Draco sighed with contentment, embracing Harry from behind as they watched the evening sun start to paint the clear azure sky with washes of orange, pink and violet. In all his life, the blond boy had never really taken the time to fully appreciate the beauty of a sunset. Then again, he'd never been in love before. Somehow just being with Harry seemed to make even the simplest things more magical.

"Beautiful," Draco whispered as he watched the way the setting sun cast a pinkish orange light on Harry's enchanting face and untidy ebony hair. If the Slytherin had even one artistic bone in his body, he would paint a portrait of his man, just the way he looked right now.

"It is beautiful, isn't it?," Harry replied serenely as he stared up at the sky.

"I was talking about you, love." Draco's hot breath tickled Harry's ear, sending shivers of delight--and guilt--through the Gryffindor's body.

Sitting here like this, Harry was reminded of one evening last Spring when he and Ginny sat together near the lake and watched the sunset...

Harry sat alone on the grass, staring up at the colorful evening sky when Ginny tiptoed up behind him and covered his eyes with her small hands, placing a dainty kiss on his cheek. "Did I miss anything?," she whispered in his ear with a mischievous giggle.

The dark-haired boy pulled Ginny into his lap as he jokingly replied, "No, but I did."

"And what might that be?" Ginny asked innocently, a grin playing upon her lovely face.

"Hmmm, let me think..." Harry tilted his head to one side and pretended to be deep in thought. "Oh, yes, well I did miss a certain pretty little redhead. She said she'd come to watch the sunset with me. Do you know what might've happened to her?"

Ginny wrapped her arms around her boyfriend in a warm embrace, her laughter like the tinkling of bells in his ear. "Oh Harry, I'm sorry I'm late, but Luna insisted on showing me the latest edition of The Quibbler." She traced little circles on Harry's back, giving him delightful goosebumps as she explained, "There's a quiz in The Quibbler that foretells your future, can you believe that?"

"And what did this quiz say about your future, Miss Weasley?," Harry asked with a light chuckle.

Ginny rested her head on his shoulder and giggled, "Well, the quiz said that by sunset, I would be snogging with the boy of my dreams."

"You mean like this?" Harry turned his face towards Ginny's, leaning in to accept a sweet kiss from his auburn-haired beauty. Ginny's kisses are second to none, Harry mused as he indulged in that irresistible mouth. Ginny's warm, soft lips felt like rose petals against his, and Harry eagerly devoured her with his lips and tongue.

Ginny broke off the kiss and smirked wickedly, "No, Harry, like this..."

"Mmmm..." Harry's eyes fluttered shut as Ginny's mouth found that one spot on his neck; the spot that made Harry melt like mercury in her palm every time. Harry's inhibitions temporarily forgotten, he turned the petite redhead around so that she was now straddling him. She pushed Harry onto his back on the cool, damp grass so that she was on top of him. As Ginny nibbled his ear, he could feel the effect she had on him; the hardening that struggled to burst out of his black trousers.

"What about the sunset?," Harry's question sounded more like a moan.

Ginny looked down at her gorgeous partner in the fading sunlight, breathing heavily as she replied, "Screw the sunset. There will be plenty more where that one came from."

"Perhaps we should do this more often," Draco murmured in The Chosen One's ear, unintentionally snapping Harry back to reality.

The Gryffindor looked surprised to find that it was Draco--not Ginny--straddling him on the ground.
_________________________________________________________________________

"Harry, what happened to you? You look like you've been rolling around in the dirt!" Hermione cornered him by the dormitory stairs in the common room, her voice and expression concerned yet scornful.

"Stop it! Please!" Harry tried to fend off Hermione as she made like a protective mother, pulling bits of leaves and grass off Harry's uniform and clicking her tongue at the grass stains that covered his shirt and slacks.

"And is that grass in your hair?"

Harry pushed the bushy-haired girl away when she reached up to pull the grass out of his raven tresses; the evidence of his outdoor romp with Draco.

Hermione folded her arms over her chest and gave Harry her best you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself look. "Where were you this time? Snogging outside with the girlfriend you say you don't have?"

Ron, who'd been watching this scene and snickering quietly at Harry, finally spoke up. "Blimey, she must be a real dog if you're too ashamed to tell us her name. Who is this mystery girl? Elouise Midgeon? Did she slip Amortentia into your pumpkin juice?"

Harry rolled his eyes and heaved an exasperated sigh. "No, it's not Elouise Midgeon."

"Is it Pansy the Human Bulldog?"

"No!"

Ron got a horrified look on his face. "It's not Goyle, is it?" He laughed so hard he snorted, "Get it? Goylefriend? Get it?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Ron, that is the lamest joke ever."

Harry gave Ron a Malfoy-ish sneer and muttered, "Bite me, Ron" before dragging himself up the stairs to his dormitory, where he sat on his bed, his head in his hands. Why did Draco have to make him feel so damn good? And how could he feel so wonderful and alive, when Ginny...wasn't? He threw himself onto his back on the bed and groaned. What should I do? I know Ginny wouldn't want me to be with Draco...but I can't stop feeling this way about him!

Right then, the door creaked open and shut. Harry peered up as Ron came to sit on the edge of his bed. "I'm sorry, mate. I shouldn't make fun of this secret girl of yours--and by the way, if it is Elouise Midgeon, she seems really nice."

The crow haired boy groaned again and turned away from Ron. "For the last time, there is no girlfriend. End of discussion!"

"Blimey, Harry, sorry I bothered you." As Ron stood up and returned to his own bed, Harry was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to really care that he hurt his best mate's feelings.

The days passed, and Harry seemed to find little signs all around him, all of which seemed to point to his betrayal of Ginny. One such sign came to him in the Great Hall one morning. After breakfast, the Golden Trio started to leave the Gryffindor table when Harry saw Draco, who was on his way out of the hall. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to the two boys as their gazes met from across the crowded room. Draco smirked at Harry and winked before turning and exiting, leaving Harry to look on after him with a goofy, lovesick expression on his face. Luckily, the Slytherin was gone before Ron and Hermione could figure out who Harry was staring at.

Ron waved a hand in front of Harry's face and laughed, "Uh, Harry? Are you all right? You haven't looked at anybody like that since Ginny."

At the mention of Ginny's name, Harry felt the color drain from his face. You shouldn't be looking at anybody the way you used to look at her, he scolded himself. And yet every time he saw Draco, he couldn't help giving the Slytherin that look.

That night, it happened again--another 'sign'. After a particularly hot snog with Draco, Harry was feeling a little bit better about his relationship with Draco when suddenly..

"Gin?"

Harry looked up to see the blond boy offering him a small glass of gin. He quietly took the glass from the Slytherin's outstretched hand, and frowned as he looked down into the clear liquid. Of all the drinks his boyfriend could've offered him, why did Draco have to pick something that had his former love's name? This had to be yet another sign that what Harry was doing was wrong...and yet he couldn't make himself stop seeing Draco.

The Gryffindor found himself thinking about his Slytherin constantly, everywhere he went. The handsome blond was the first thing he thought of in the morning, and the one thing on his mind as he drifted off to sleep every night...that is, when he was able to sleep. But at the same time, he kept telling himself that what he was doing and feeling was wrong. He found himself wishing he could have more time alone, just to sort out his emotions and set his priorities straight.

Wherever I go, I think of you
Can't believe what I am feelin'
How could I know I'd be losing sleep
I'm not foolin' around

Hey baby, need time to figure this out

"Yes, that's it," Harry muttered to himself one night as he lay awake in his bed. "Maybe I need some time alone."

Harry sighed wistfully the next evening as he stared out the Room of Requirement window and counted the seconds until Draco finally walked through the door for their latest tryst. I can't go on seeing Draco like this; it's not fair for either of us. And it's not fair to Ginny! The Gryffindor didn't turn around when he heard the door open and close, nor did he speak when the Slytherin reached his spot in front of the window and wrapped his arms around Harry from behind.

"'Evening, love," Draco murmured huskily in Harry's ear before kissing the Gryffindor's cheek. The Slytherin felt a bit hurt. Once again, his man was off in his own little world, not letting him in...and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

Harry watched as an owl and a raven flew off into the sunset together, and swallowed his tears. He loved Draco too much to break up with him, but he had to come clean to the blond Slytherin; he owed Draco that much. With guilty eyes, Harry looked over his shoulder at Draco, who gave him a gentle peck on the lips.

"What's bothering you, Harry?"

Harry took a deep breath and turned around to face Draco. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

"I was wondering when you were going to bring that up," Draco frowned as Harry took his hand and guided him to the couch, where they sat down in awkward silence. The Slytherin had the feeling that he wasn't going to like what Harry had to say.

Harry fidgeted with his school robes as he tried to find the right words. "Well...I don't know how to say this."

Draco took the Gryffindor's hand in his and looked deeply into those intense green eyes. "You know you can tell me anything, Harry."

The dark haired boy turned his head away and avoided making eye contact with Draco. If he looked into those eyes, he wouldn't be able to think straight. After pausing for a moment, Harry began, "Ginny died less than a year ago, and I'm already in a relationship with someone new. I want to be with you, but I'm confused."

Draco's brow furrowed, his heart panicking from fear of losing Harry. "But I thought you said that this was what you wanted...that I was what you wanted!"

Harry raked one frustrated hand through his messy hair and sighed exasperatedly. "I do want this, but I feel like maybe I moved on too soon."

"How can we be moving too fast when we've been enemies for seven years?"

The Gryffindor frowned at the floor. "I'm saying that I was moving too fast, not us...Maybe I just didn't give myself enough time to grieve."

Draco's trembling lips curled up into a sneer. To anyone else, the Slytherin would've looked like his old self, but Harry saw the tears that threatened to spill forth from those beautiful silver eyes...and it ripped his heart to shreds just seeing the pain on Draco's face; the pain he was responsible for putting there. The blond boy coldly retorted, "Well what's the proper time for bereavement, Harry? When are you allowed to love me?"

"I don't know!," Harry groaned, burying his face in his hands. "I don't know what to do anymore!"

Those watery grey eyes narrowed at the Gryffindor, the sneer still plastered on Draco's handsome face as he spat, "It's not so easy when you finally have to start thinking for yourself, is it?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?," Harry raised his voice as anger propelled from out of his seat.

Draco stood up as well and laughed bitterly, "You've always had Weasley and Granger to look after you, and you know what I had, Harry? Nothing!"

For a long moment, the Gryffindor was silent as guilt and sadness replaced some of his anger. He turned away from Draco and stared down at the fireplace as the Slytherin continued talking, his voice softer this time.

"The only one close to me was killed, and my father disowned me. I have nothing if I don't have you, Harry."

Still standing with his back to Draco and his arms folded across his chest, Harry put his head down and squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to keep his tears from falling. "I'm not breaking up, I'm just trying to be honest here."

"You're wasting your life on a dead girlfriend!" As soon as that outburst left the Slytherin's lips, he regretted it. Harry's eyes flew open, and tears poured from his eyes like a dam broke. When Harry spun around to look at him with those sad yet furious sage eyes, Draco furrowed his brow and gently explained, "All I'm saying is you've been grieving all your life. I just don�t want you to run away from a good thing."

"I'm not running away...I swear I'm not." Harry felt like he was trying to convince himself of this.

Draco took a few steps closer to Harry as he tried not to start crying. "Sure looks like that's what you're doing. Your feelings for me don't mean that you have to stop loving Ginny."

The Gryffindor still couldn't make eye contact with his beau. The blond boy's words rang frighteningly true. Harry looked away as he muttered, "I know. I just....I'm confused."

"You're not the only one in this relationship who's confused, Harry!"

Harry turned to glare at Draco as he sarcastically yelled, "Oh, you're confused? Now you're bringing this up? What do you have to be confused about?"

Draco shouted back, "Well, let's see, my father's a Death Eater, and I'm in love with The Chosen One!"

The Gryffindor turned and started toward the Room of Requirement door, the declaration of love from Draco lost in his distress. Without another word or another glance at Draco, he slammed the door behind him and stormed back to the Gryffindor Common Room alone.

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To Love Again