Lessons and Obsessions | By : LennaNightrunner Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 85098 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
CHAPTER TEN: RESULTS
The first thought Hermione registered as she awoke the next
morning was that everything hurt. The muscles in her arms and legs, and
especially her stomach, were all sore. Even her lips hurt from kissing, and the
pain between her legs made her wince. It wasn’t awful, but she definitely
wouldn’t want to have sex again for at least a few days. She’d had sex.… The
thought caused her brain to stutter and her breath to catch in her throat. Was Malfoy still there? His side of the bed was empty, but
still warm. She sat up and looked around.
“Awake, then?” Draco looked over at her from where he stood
by the fire, pulling his shirt on, then his school robes, since he had no other
clothing with him.
“What time is it?” Hermione asked worriedly. There were no
windows in the Room of Requirement.
“Time to get back.” Draco replied.
“Don’t want your friends to start to wonder what’s happened to you, do you?”
Hermione shook her head vehemently and climbed out of bed.
All of her clothing was on the sofa, so she crossed over to Malfoy’s
side. She could feel his eyes on her naked form and it felt much more awkward
than it had the previous night.
“I know I owe you one,” Draco said with a smirk as he tied
his shoelaces. “Next time?”
Hermione nodded with a blush, almost laughing at the
absurdity of the fact that she should be embarrassed now, after the previous
night. She pulled on her skirt and then began to button her blouse. Maybe she’d
just go straight to the baths.
As Draco hoisted his schoolbag over his shoulder and turned
to leave, Granger called him back.
“…Draco?”
Draco bristled. He would never get used to that. “Don’t let
anyone hear you calling me that.”
His voice was cold. But he was right: she was the one who
had insisted on nobody knowing. “Right.”
“I’ll owl you,” he said as he opened the door. It wouldn’t
do to make any big gestures right now. He had already gotten closer than he
ought to have.
He was gone. No touch, no kiss, no ceremony. He had gotten
what he wanted, and he had left, Hermione thought bitterly. Maybe that would be
the last time….
No. He had mentioned a “next time” more than once. And
either way, she didn’t have time to think about that now. She needed to have a
bath, make herself presentable, and get back up to Gryffindor Tower before
anyone noticed she had been gone.
*****
Hermione returned from the Prefects’ bathroom feeling much
more like herself. She hadn’t had a change of clothing
with her, so she cleaned and transfigured her school robes using magic as best
she could. She didn’t want people asking her why she was wearing school robes
on a Saturday after returning from the bath. The transfigured clothing would
have to do until she could get back to her room and change.
She did not meet anyone on her way back to the Tower, and by
a stroke of luck most of her fellow Gryffindors were
down at breakfast when she climbed the stairs to her room. She managed to get
into some clean clothes and was walking back down into the Common Room feeling
relieved when she saw that Ron and Ginny were there.
“There you are,” Ron said with a smile. “Where on earth have
you been?”
Hermione returned his smile and suppressed her
embarrassment. “I had a bit of a lie in, and then I took a bath.”
“But we knocked on your door before breakfast,” Ron replied,
puzzled.
“I must’ve been pretty deeply asleep, then,” Hermione said
apologetically. “I was up late studying.”
It was becoming much too easy to lie to them.
Ron rolled his eyes. Ginny smiled and held out a package
that seemed to be wrapped in a napkin.
“We brought you some toast, just in case.”
Hermione took the package and unwrapped
it, suddenly ravenous at the smell of the toast. She thanked Ginny and took a
bite.
Ron returned his attention to a game of wizard’s chess he
was playing against the other game pieces. Ginny watched Hermione quietly as
she finished off the toast with uncharacteristic speed.
“Hermione?” Ginny asked
tentatively.
“Yes?” Hermione felt worlds better now that she was clean
and her stomach was no longer empty. She brushed the crumbs off of her hands
absently.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Ginny tried to keep her
voice level.
Ron looked over at them sharply, not liking to be left out. “Why
can’t you talk in front of me?”
“It’s about girl things, Ronald.” Ginny scowled at him and
motioned for Hermione to follow her upstairs.
“Oh.” Ron abruptly returned to his game.
Hermione followed Ginny up to her own room (they wouldn’t
have privacy in Ginny’s dormitory) and closed the door behind them. A paranoid
part of her was certain she knew what Ginny was going to speak with her about,
but tried to keep her nerves under control.
“What is it, Ginny?” Hermione asked as she casually sat on
the edge of her bed and invited Ginny to sit next to her.
“Are you all right?” Ginny sat down next to her friend and
looked at her worriedly.
“Of course. I’m fine.” Hermione kept
her voice carefully level.
“You don’t seem fine,” Ginny said uncertainly. When Hermione
tried to protest, she said, “Look, Ron may be as dense as one of Hagrid’s rock cakes and twice as thick, but don’t insult
me.”
Hermione’s confident expression faltered. “Am I that
obvious?”
“Probably not. I just… I know what
it’s like to hide something big. I recognize the signs.”
Hermione was horrified, remembering the terrible secret of
Tom Riddle’s diary that Ginny had once had to conceal. “Oh, Ginny, this isn’t
like that. I mean, no one’s getting hurt or anything…”
“Are you sure?” Ginny asked with a note of sympathy.
“What do you mean?” Hermione’s heart sank as she remembered
the coldness in Malfoy’s words earlier that morning.
“Hermione, I came to you years ago when I thought I’d never
have a chance with Harry, and you kept my secret.” She placed a hand over
Hermione’s encouragingly. “You can trust me now.”
Hermione hesitated. “…You’re right. You’re right, I’m sorry.
It’s just that… I don’t think anyone… maybe not even you…
could understand.” She looked away self-consciously.
“Try me.” Ginny stared at her friend seriously.
Hermione swallowed, wondering how she could seriously be
considering giving herself away after everything she’d done to prevent this. “I’ve
been seeing someone,” she said quietly.
“I thought that might be the case,” Ginny nodded in
acceptance.
Hermione sighed, feeling like an idiot.
“Do I know him… or her?” Ginny asked delicately, not wanting
to make any assumptions.
“Oh yes,” Hermione said bitterly. “You know him.”
“Gryffindor?” Ginny asked with a kind
smile, as if they were playing a game.
“No.” Hermione’s voice was hollow.
“Hmm… Ravenclaw? There are some good-looking brainy types there.” Ginny
tried to keep her tone light.
Hermione shook her head and looked at her feet.
“…Hufflepuff?” Ginny asked more
seriously, comprehension beginning to dawn on her.
Hermione closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing. It was
so much harder to admit this to a friend than she had imagined it could be.
“Then…” Ginny paused. “Oh, Hermione, I’m so sorry.” Ginny
put her arm around her friend’s shoulder as Hermione hid her face in her hands.
There were only a handful of people it could be, Ginny
thought. Crabbe and Goyle were out of the question. Zabini, maybe…
and Malfoy.
As Hermione looked up at Ginny, the tears that stained her
cheeks betrayed the worst. She had not felt guilty about seeing him until now.
She had been nervous, excited, even frustrated, but never guilty. She had
promised herself she would not be ashamed of her decision. But the way Ginny
was looking at her made her feel as if she had done something unforgivable.
Ginny tried to suppress her shock and aversion to this
revelation, realizing what kinds of horrible implications this relationship had
for Hermione, given the Gryffindors’ antagonism
towards the Slytherins in general, let alone the fact
that Malfoy was one of the people Harry hated most.
“…Malfoy…” Ginny sighed as if she
has just taken on a great burden.
“Please don’t tell Harry,” Hermione pleaded softly. “I know
I shouldn’t ask you to keep things from him, but I don’t think I could bear it
if he knew. Or Ron,” she shook as fresh tears slipped from her eyes. “He would
never forgive me, let alone ever want… ever think of me in the way I wanted him
to.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” Ginny promised as she hugged Hermione
gently.
Hermione felt shaken. Why was she so upset about this? She
and Malfoy were having fun. He made her feel good. What
was the harm in that? But the sympathetic way in which Ginny looked at her made
it feel so very wrong.
“Have you slept with him?” Ginny asked tentatively after a
moment.
“Yes,” Hermione admitted softly after a pause, wiping her
face on her sleeve. Her answer was shocking even to herself. Twenty-four hours
ago her answer would have been so different.
Ginny swallowed and recovered, trying to keep judgment out
of her voice. “Do you love him?”
It would be unfair to judge Hermione for loving such a cruel
git. Hermione was so full of love that there was
always enough even for those who didn’t deserve it. Ginny knew all too well the
impossibility of controlling who you fall in love with. She had clearly been
much luckier than Hermione in that sense.
“Is it worse if I do, or if I don’t?” Hermione suddenly felt
overwhelmed by guilt. Her heart ached the way it had when he had shown her
false affection. “Either I’m deluding myself, or I’m using him.”
“Do you think he might…” Ginny
searched for the right words, “care about you?”
Hermione laughed bitterly. “What does Draco Malfoy care about besides himself?”
She was being unfair to him, and she knew it. But she also
knew he couldn’t possibly love her. That hadn’t bothered her in the least in
the beginning, but every day it seemed a more difficult reality to face.
Ginny paused. “So it’s just sex?”
“Yes. …No. I don’t know.” Hermione shook her head in
confusion. “It was in the beginning. I just wanted to see what it was like. I
was so angry with Ron… I don’t know what I was thinking. And it felt so good
but I couldn’t stop myself from getting attached.” She paused and took a
breath, thinking. “He’s different, sometimes. Around me, at
least. Nicer.”
Ginny wore an expression of disbelief.
“I know how it sounds, but there’s more to him than I wanted
to believe. And that just makes it harder. I know you must think that I’m just trying
to justify what I’m doing, but…”
Hermione paused when Ginny rubbed her shoulder gently. “You
don’t have to justify it. Just tell me whatever you want to tell me.”
Hermione took a deep breath. “He’s essentially the same
person he’s always been… but somehow he’s not. He talks to me. He even said my
first name when we… well, you know. God, I can do it but I can’t even say it.”
“What do you think you’ll do?” Ginny asked after a moment.
“I don’t know.… I don’t want to stop. It’s fun. Even knowing that it will never be anything else.” Hermione
suddenly felt very foolish. Her head was in the tiger’s mouth and she didn’t
even have the sense to pull away before he closed his jaws.
“If he’s forcing you…” Ginny didn’t know what she would say
if that were the case.
“No, Gin,” Hermione answered emphatically. “It’s not like
that. Please, don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be sick of me soon enough, and then
all of this will just be a funny story that no one will believe.”
There was a long pause, and Ginny stood as if to leave.
“You can’t help who you love, Hermione,” she said with
deepest empathy as she placed her hand on the doorknob.
“Neither can he.”
Ginny nodded and slipped out of the room. Hermione lay back
on her bed, fully dressed, and curled up in to a ball. There was so much to
think about, and her brain couldn’t process any of it. Even after a bath and
changing her clothes she still felt like she smelled like him. She could still
see him above her, taste him in her mouth, feel him
inside her. She needed more from him, and there was no way she could ever
really have it.
*****
A/N: I know, I know, there wasn’t any delicious smuttyness, but one does need to develop one’s characters
sometimes! I promise there will be more deliciousness in chapter eleven, okay
;). But I hope that you enjoyed this chapter nonetheless and that you’ll be
patient with my intense need for logical character progression. Also, thanks to
you all for your amazing feedback on chapter nine! I was nervous about it, and
you have put all of my fears to rest.
DracosSlave—Wow: that’s high
praise indeed! I’m not sure I deserve it, lol. But
thank you! I am quite flattered. Realism is what I strive for, so thank you for
that as well. I’m sorry this update was smutless, but
there is much more to come!
Potterentourage—Yayy, PE! You’re
so right: Draco-motherfucking-Malfoy doesn’t ever let
you forget who he is, even if you’re like Hermione and you can’t think of
anyone but him if you wanted to! Haha, I’m glad you
liked those little “lessons” over at your house ;). I’m happy to help! Thanks
so much for the feedback and I hope I continue to keep you interested!
Snapes_Goddess—Yeah, Poor Hermione
is going to remember that night for the rest of her life, no matter what
happens. I think Draco did a pretty good job of being nice, though you’re right—he
wasn’t going to let her completely in. He is Draco Malfoy,
after all! I think it’s okay for his niceness to not
be completely altruistic. They both enjoyed the result!
kazfeist—That’s a great compliment! Yeah, I haven’t decided under
which conditions Hermione can come. There’s the complicated issue of some girls
being able to come both through clitoral stimulation and through penetration,
others just through one or the other. I can’t decide how that’s going to work
for Hermione. But no matter what I wasn’t going to have her come
the first time. It just wouldn’t have made sense in my head. Glad you agree!
PyroAngel—Your
question was partially answered by chapter ten, I hope! I haven’t quite decided
how the rest shakes down.
ilke—How did you end up liking the morning after? What you
expected? I figured with that kind of anticipation and Hermione being so
inexperienced, it was plausible that they would fall asleep. I wanted to give
Hermione some sense of normalcy for the first time since it wasn’t with a
boyfriend or anyone like that. Thanks for reading/reviewing and I hope you
continue to enjoy the story!
Coipje—Thanks! I hope you keep liking the story!
Dreamweaver—Aww, thanks! Well, if anyone
can keep a cool façade going in a situation like that, it’s Draco Malfoy, right? Yes, poor Hermione, but at least he was
fairly nice to her. But yeah, you can see how much pressure she’s under and how
conflicted she is in chapter ten, I hope. We haven’t seen much of Draco’s side
of that yet, but it’s there. The first time was relatively simple, as it should
be. There is a lot more to come, both smut-wise and
plot-wise, etc. Can’t throw it all into the first time, can I? Glad you liked
it, and thanks for the review!
LunaSexy—Well,
you’ve had a couple of days, and now you’ll have a few more before the next
hotness. I’m glad you were spared the suspense! I don’t mean to make
cliffhangers, but the only alternative is to write the whole thing before I
post it, and then I don’t get feedback! So I think this way is best. I’m really
glad you think I delivered. You are exactly right about Draco being “in over
his head, but too cocky to see it.” I couldn’t have put it better myself. I try
to make my Draco as canonical as possible, though he can be tough to pin down.
So that’s a huge compliment to me, and I thank you. You know, even I’m not
completely sure where exactly all of this is going, but I’d be interested to
track where you think it might go vs. where it actually ends up as the story
progresses. If something strikes you as “I thought she might end up doing that”
or “Whoa, that’s completely out of left field,” feel free to let me know! I’d
love to hear your thoughts on the logical progression of the story.
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