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Alice Knows Best	By : MissiYoung Category: Harry Potter Crossovers > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 18237 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or the Twilight Saga or any of the characters/locations/etc. associated with them and make no profit from them; financial or otherwise. These two fandoms are property of their respective owners.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
Chapter Ten: Catching The Mouse

Esme was thrilled beyond words when the Quileutes and Harry’s friends all agreed to come back to the Cullen house for supper. She’d hoped that would be the case and had that morning started a hearty stew in each of the just over four dozen Crock Pots they’d gotten as housewarming gifts from new neighbors over the years. Perhaps that was a great deal of overkill but she so badly wanted to be a good hostess and she knew how much the Wolves ate; they had at least two Crock Pots apiece this way, while she and Rosalie could share another and everyone else could enjoy however much they could handle. Plus salad and homemade bread, of course; she was a civilized being after all. Harry’s reaction was enough to boost her ego, anyway; he bounced up to her, threw his arms around her, and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Can I keep you? Because you’re pretty awesome. Totally as awesome as the X-Men.”

Esme laughed hard at that and Harry’s friends just rolled their eyes, clearly used to this sort of thing; he was probably the only person in the entire world who actually got high from an adrenaline high. Jasper and Jacob sat together quietly, just watching him bounce around greeting everyone; Rosalie bounced right back at him and gave him a huge, out of character hug of rib cracking doom and kiss on the cheek. Jasper explained quietly to Jacob that Harry seemed to be her new best friend; Jacob responded that it was good their littlest Mate got along so well with Jasper’s sisters and that he hoped Harry got along as well with his own. Then they watched Harry grab onto the two male humans that had appeared out of nowhere and drag them over to where his Mates were sitting. Even his voice was bouncy when he gave the introductions.

“Jacob and Jasper, this is Neville and Charlie!”

The four men chuckled and shared greetings while Harry bounced away again. The two Wizards settled into chairs across from Jasper and Jacob and they started talking, mostly about Harry’s level of hyperactivity. Jasper broached the subject first.

“Is he always so…?”

He wasn’t sure where to go after that so Neville and Charlie jumped in.

“Hyper?”

“Annoying?”

“Bouncy?”

“Short?”

Luna’s spacey voice cut in.

“Oh, are we playing the ‘Adjectives That Describe Harry’ game? I’m good at this one. Have you already used talkative?”

Everyone made room and the three Americans watched the Brits ‘play’.

“Commanding.”

“Charismatic.”

“Cunning.”

“Brave.”

“Loyal.”

Luna noticed Alice slipping away and drew everyone’s attention onto herself so that her partner could do what needed to be done with the silly Muggle girl upstairs.

“I’ll leave off intelligent or we’ll sound like the Sorting Hat. Nonjudgemental.”

“Loving.”

“Adaptable.”

“Attractive.”

“Powerful.”

Charlie sighed.

“I’m going to have to repeat short.”

Harry’s indignant cry sounded throughout the house and everyone laughed.

**

Bella woke in what she recognized as Edward’s bedroom. Edward wasn’t in it, and she could hear voices coming from downstairs. Before she could get off the chaise the door cracked open and Alice slipped in. Bella was happy to see her friend because she had a lot of questions. Before she could start asking them the Vampire spoke.

“I came up here to talk to you in private because otherwise you would have come downstairs and caused a scene that would have upset Esme.”

Alice came further into the room and waved for Bella to speak; the overwhelmed girl wasn’t really sure where to begin. When she remembered what had happened just before she passed out she decided to start there.

“Why were you kissing that girl? And in front of Jasper, too! How could you do that to him?”

Alice regarded Bella for a moment before speaking frankly.

“Jasper and I always knew we aren’t truly Mates. It’s just easier on him around humans to have a buffer; a girlfriend, in this case. I was his cousin in our last school, and his psychic advisor in the school before that. Luna is my true Mate and I’ve known that since she was born; I just needed her to grow up and Magic to become common knowledge before I could claim her. Since she’s also a Seer she’s always known about me, too. We know each other so well that we don’t need the ‘getting to know you’ stage most people do. Besides, Jasper’s Mates were down there, too. It’s not my fault he hasn’t kissed them yet!”

Bella’s mind stuck on two words.

“Mates? Them? As in more than one?”

Alice nodded, entire demeanor perky.

“Yep! Jasper’s got three, and together they’re going to be perfect! And quite the force to be reckoned with. The Volturi will never know what hit them!”

Alice giggled here but for the first time it sent shivers down Bella’s spine; the tiny Vampire was entirely too happy at the thought of this upcoming battle. For the first time ever the human remembered how blood-thirsty Vampires could be; she’d always preferred the slightly more romantic view she’d kept of them. She also swallowed her objections to the thought of more than two people in a relationship because the world was changing quickly with all this magic stuff and the Cullen Family was clearly embracing these changes. When she focused back in on her friend, she realized that Alice was giving her a look of deep pity.

“Everything in your world is about to change, Bella, and if you don’t change with it you are going to end up a miserable old vampire with no family and no friends.”

Bella gave a firm protest.

“I won’t be alone, I’ll have Edward.”

Alice shook her head.

“I said you’d become a Vampire; I never said you’d be with Edward, Bella. You made that assumption yourself.”

With that Alice skipped to the door, holding it open in a clear invitation for Bella to precede her out. The human did, mind whirling; Alice had just insinuated that Bella and Edward wouldn’t be together forever. That couldn’t be possible because without Edward than Bella was nothing. Her life was meaningless! What would she do without Edward? They two reached the bottom of the stairs just in time to hear an indignant shout; the scary guy from earlier ran into the room and stood in front of a red head. He was followed by Esme and the three green things from earlier.

**

Harry stood in the kitchen, talking with Esme while watching Kreacher, Dobby, and Winky roam around the garden feeding their magic into the plants; they thought the garden would be much prettier if the Faeries came to live there and Esme agreed. Just as the House Elves came inside Harry heard Charlie repeat short; he wasn’t quite sure what the red head was talking about but he had a damn good idea so he took offense and rushed into the living room.

“I am not short, Charles Weasley!”

Charlie looked amused, and not at all cowed. Bastard.

“What are you then?”

Harry crossed his arms, tossing his head haughtily.

“I am the tallest albino House Elf you’ve ever seen.”

Dobby’s voice came from behind him; the little House Elf sounded resigned.

“What did we’s tells you about that, Master Harry, Sir? You’s not a House Elf, you’s just a very short Wizard.”

The Wizards all laughed at the look of betrayal Harry shot the little Elf while the Vampires and Wolves took a closer look at the small green beings standing near Esme. Bella was freaked out by them and concentrated on finding Edward, who did not seem to be in the room.

**

Rosalie considered the three House Elves (she assumed). The one who spoke was the tallest and appeared to be the youngest if she was determining it right. He wore mismatched socks, a badly knitted hat, and what looked like a children’s costume of the Royal Guard uniform. The eldest was also presumably male and wore what looked like the fancy guest towels no one ever used like a toga. The third was clearly female (or a cross dresser); she wore a little white baby doll dress with pink and yellow cherries on it. They appeared to be looking at Harry with fond amusement and just a hint of mischief directed toward the young Wizard. The female spoke up next.

“Was you playing the Words Game again? Did you’s remember he’s naughty for not eating all his foods?”

There were some muffled snickers at that while Harry sent her a scandalized look.

“Winky! I am not naughty, thank you very much.”

The House Elf gave him an innocent smile.

“Yes you is, and you’s welcome Master Harry, Sir.”

The teen looked affronted for a moment before letting his stern face dissolve into a smile and turned to the elderly House Elf.

“Have you any grievances to air as well, Kreacher?”

The House Elf looked uncertain for a moment but at the encouragement from the other House Elves he took a deep breath and began in his dusty, wobbly voice.

“Master Harry Potter-Black Sir tries to do too many House Elf things but he does them wrongs! He dusts the house without leaving the dusties under the rugs for the Dust Bunnies, and he pulls the weeds in the gardens without leavings them for the pixies! He cuts the flowers without waiting to see which onsies the Faeries wants to live in, and he goes bad places and gets hisself hurted! He doesn’t sleeps enough, and he cookses his owns foods, and sweeps the kitchens floors, and makeses his owns beds! He tries to be House Elf but he’s gots lots to learns!”

The House Elf was heaving for breath at this point and Harry looked shocked. Esme rushed forward, putting an arm around the little Elf and fixing Harry with a stern look.

“Harry, if those are House Elf jobs then you need to leave them for the House Elves. It’s rude and disrespectful to insinuate they can’t do it properly themselves.”

Her voice was gentle and Harry looked truly apologetic; he got to one knee in front of the elderly Elf (who was looking at Esme like she hung the moon and stars).

“Kreacher, I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to disrespect you that way; I never even realized that I was disrespecting you. I had no idea I needed to feed the Dust Bunnies or let the Faeries pick their flowers. Can you ever forgive me?”

The Elf fixed Harry with a stern look, searching for sincerity. When he found it he gave a huge smile.

“Of course, Master Harry, Sir. You’s being raised by Mugglies, you’s not understanding. Kreacher will be teaching you right.”

Harry gave the Elf a hug and stood, turning back to the assemblage. Alice stepped forward.

“Winky, that’s a very pretty dress.”

Winky preened.

“Thanks you, Missy Vampy Girl. Master Harry lets me picks it out myselfies for my’s ownsies uniform.”

Alice grinned.

“Do you like other dresses, too?”

Winky’s ears were a blur with the speed of her nodding.

“Oh yes, Missy Vampy Girl, Winky’s liking other dressies very muchly. Does Missy Vampy Girl likes dressies, too?”

Alice’s grin got bigger and Harry became very afraid…

**

Alice and Winky went upstairs to raid Alice’s closet to see which of her ‘old’ dresses Winky could shrink down for herself. The last thing Harry heard from the House Elf made him stifle a laugh.

“I’s living with only boysies, Missy Vampy Girl. There’s nobodies to talks about dressies with!”

Alice voicing her horror at the thought while the door closed sealed it; everyone burst out laughing. Clearly Winky was serious but this was still funny stuff. Once everyone had calmed down some and settled in with their stew Billy spoke up.

“You know, Kreacher, I think Harry’s a really good cook. If he was female and I was younger I’d marry him for his cooking alone.”

Before Kreacher could respond (and he clearly had something to say on the subject) Jacob shot out of his seat.

“No, he’s mine!”

The young Wolf then pointed at Jasper and Charlie Weasley in turn.

“And his, and his, but not yours!”

Harry blinked at the scene before turning to a bemused Charlie.

“Congratulations, Chucky, you’ve been Imprinted on.”

Charlie just shrugged in response.

“Ok.”

Harry accepted Charlie’s easygoing attitude as a given; this was just how Charlie was. Jacob and Jasper were a little confused until they remembered Harry’s easy acceptance; maybe this was just a Wizard thing? Charlie grinned at their hastily exchanged look.

“Lucille Ball said it best; 'It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.' I recognize that predestined love from three attractive men makes me very happy.”

Rosalie shocked the room when she burst out laughing; shocking people seemed to be her goal in recent days.

**

Bella was confused. Edward was nowhere to be seen, the scary guy really wasn’t acting all that scary anymore, and now Jacob Imprinted on the guy? And two others, one of them Jasper? This just wasn’t making any sense! She slid around the group and attached herself at Jacob’s side; as soon as she was able she pulled him away, into the kitchen for a private conversation. Once she had him near the island she started hissing at him furiously.

“Why did you say you were Imprinted on those boys, Jake? You’ve always been in love with me! Why would you even pretend to be Imprinted on them? You need to tell them it was all a plot to make me jealous and then I think you should go home if you can’t act your age!”

This would prove to be one of many mistakes and much like the childhood game Mouse Trap this first action set off an unstoppable force that would change her life forever. Which mistake was actually the first though; trying to separate a Vampire and his Mates while still in the Vampire’s house, or not making sure her own Vampire wasn’t within hearing as well? Perhaps it was trying to convince an Imprinted Blood Cursed Animagi to deny an Imprint.

Whatever it was there was soon a deluge of furious humanoid beings descending on the teenage girl, who noticed that the scary guy was once again very, very scary.

**

Edward was sitting on the back steps contemplating his relationship with Bella when he heard her. What was she doing? What was she thinking? First of all she knew how good Vampire hearing was! And second of all didn’t she know how dangerous it was to piss off the Wizards and Vampire Jacob had Imprinted on, not to mention Jacob himself? Not to mention the fact that she was dating Edward and kept insisting Jacob’s infatuation with her meant nothing to her; had she been telling him falsehoods the entire time? All of this went through his head as he stood quickly and rushed into the kitchen.

**

Harry was a soldier and Jasper was a Vampire soldier; they noticed the girl’s attempts to slyly draw their Mate away. They let it go for a moment and Jasper relayed what he heard; he wasn’t expecting Harry’s level of anger. The Wizard clearly hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said he didn’t take the health and wellbeing of his family lightly. The rest of the Vampires clearly heard her as well, as did most of the Quileutes; those that didn’t hear were quickly filled in the Quileutes and Wizards who didn’t. As a group they followed a fuming Harry into the kitchen.

**

Harry tried to keep his temper, he really did; he’d originally been planning to go rescue Jacob from the girl. It was Esme’s whisper as he passed her that changed his mind.

“I hope Harry knocks some sense into her.”

Well if the Lady of the House wanted him to discipline a guest who was he to argue? Especially since she was now essentially his mother-in-law. He stormed into the kitchen in high fury.

“Isabella Swan, I’ve had just about as much of you as I can take! Are you seriously adding to your list of offenses?”

The girl looked shocked to see the entire house full of people (minus Alice and Winky) crowding into the kitchen with looks of anger on their faces. Harry was building up a full head of righteous indignation and plowed on.

“You’re dating a Vampire yourself and have brought war on this peaceful family at least twice before! In fact it’s coming again now because of you, and you want to add the Wizards against you? The more time I spend around you the more I understand why people keep trying to kill you! You’re rude, self centered, and menace to everyone around you! You…you…urgh!”

Harry broke off into a small scream as his anger overcame his vocabulary. After a moment of deep breathing Harry looked at her again.

“That’s it. I’m tired of dealing with you. I’m taking school yard tactics.”

With that he stormed out of the house. Rosalie rushed to join him and, hearing his plan, led him to her car. They peeled out of the driveway and straight into town.

Author’s Note: Though the fic is still dedicated to Joy overall, this chapter is specially dedicated to Jenny in celebration of the anniversary of the birth of her awesomeness. Happy Birthday, Jen!! This Chapter Sponsored By: Jen’s birthday, Marlboro, Coffee, Dr. Pepper, the fact that I’m now wearing size 22 jeans (which I haven’t done since I WAS 22), the new Farmville English Countryside, Blue October concert in Helotes at the end of April (which I WILL BE ATTENDING!!!!!!), and being Eppy the House Elf’s Facebook friend.

As always all quotes are found and supplied by MyLadyVaughan (aka birthday girl!!). Let’s show her some love, y’all, and while you’re at it have a drink in her honor tonight!
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Alice Knows Best