You Will Not Kiss Me | By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
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Chapter 10: Consequences & Revelations
Snape regained consciousness slowly, gradually becoming aware of his body, his senses and his thoughts.
Different. He felt wholly different.
His breathing was steady and very deep and slow. His sense of smell, already acute, seemed razor sharp. His skin tingled. He listened to his heart beat – slow and powerful. He felt his strong slow pulse in his midriff, his pulse that seemed to somehow radiate heat with every surge. He heard his blood pumping through his veins, rushing and ringing in his ears, as if he had sat up too quickly, although he still lay as he had awoken.
He slowly opened his eyes. Early morning light came in weakly through the small dungeon window. He looked at the ceiling. His eyesight was sharp. Too sharp. Nauseatingly sharp. The detail on the ceiling made him feel seasick.
His head felt stupidly thick as he tried to focus his mind. It suddenly sharpened to clarity as he remembered last night.
Remus.
He snapped his head to the left. Remus was there, on his side, facing away from him, trapping his arm under his prone body. This was how they had lost consciousness together and fallen.
Snape leant over him, gently calling his name. He touched Lupin's shoulder and he mumbled in his sleep. Snape wondered why he looked so pale when the moon was still waning. Slowly, Lupin came awake, looking confused and taking time to adjust. Snape wondered if Lupin's senses had altered as his had.
"Sev' rus." Lupin was breathless. "What happened to us last night? What was that?" Lupin croaked. "Did the Thrall do that?"
"I think so," Snape said gently. "Tell me how you feel. You don't look well." His eyes and fingers searched Lupin's face. The more Snape looked, the more agitated he became.
"Weak. I feel very weak and my skin feels raw." Lupin's voice was thin and reedy, his eyes were bright and fevered and his body was trembling. Snape Summoned a fever-reducing Potion from his bathroom and gave it to Lupin, but his hands trembled on trying to hold it, so Snape administered it and then gave him a glass of water.
Just a fever, Snape told himself. His mind running wild trying to recall everything that had happened between them last night and whether it was responsible for Lupin's current condition. They might not be connected, but he doubted that very much. He ran his hand over Lupin's forehead, then snatched his wand from the bedside table and cast some diagnosis spells. These confirmed his fever was high but there was no corresponding infection.
The further spells told him Lupin had become very weak and his magical core was sorely depleted. Snape knew that Lupin was not a run-of-the-mill wizard; he had a strong magical core. It had had to be for him to survive his curse for all these years. Now it was depleted.
A dread crept up on Snape. He cast the diagnostic spell upon himself. His core was augmented and magnified. The vortex that had combined their cores had combined them into Snape. This is why he felt so energised and strong, why his senses were so acute. The vortex had been the most extraordinary feeling in his life. Every feeling he'd ever had had been augmented by Lupin's feelings. He would have happily died in that feeling, he remembered thinking that.
Snape sat back heavily on the bed. Whatever had happened last night could have killed Lupin. He could have killed Lupin. He stared blankly ahead, unable to fathom what had taken place over the last twelve hours. How could he transfer Lupin's magic back to him? It was magic beyond his knowledge.
His mind starting to spin trying to take in all the information he was trying to process quickly. Is that why he had wanted to take Lupin so desperately? Was this why the Thrall had been off from the start: because he hadn't been the dominant sexual partner? Had he been, would this have happened on that first night two months ago?
At some subliminal level, he realised he had known something bad would happen – he remembered that sensation of wrongness because of Lupin's strong physical and magical resistance. He had thought it was the wolf. He had not considered that Lupin's magic was defending its very existence.
Snape moved back so that Lupin was resting against him. Snape felt for his pulse: so much weaker than his own. It would take some minutes for the Potion to work so Snape enfolded Lupin in his arms and gently stroked his arms with his hands.
"Does that feel all right?" Snape asked, remembering what Lupin said about his skin and how oddly it was the opposite to the feeling of his own skin, which was alive and receptive. Lupin nodded and pressed his head to Snape's chest, seemingly to listen to his heart.
What Snape did next, he did not think through, but acted on some newly-acquired instinct. He placed his hands over Lupin's heart and concentrated on his own strong heart beat and on Lupin's light, thready one and began to murmur Lupin's name as he had before in Lupin's ear. Within a couple of minutes, the skin under Snape's hands became hot and Lupin's heartbeat began to mirror Snape's own in beat and strength, his trembling had ceased and his fever broke. They remained like this for some time, both assessing within their own minds what this would mean for each of them and yet finding themselves at a loss to speak of it to the other.
Eventually, Snape cast another diagnostic spell on Lupin. It confirmed that Lupin's magic core had been restored through him. He pondered the enormity of this.
Snape knew he'd have to break the ice, so he said, "I have never felt anything such as what happened to us last night. I wonder if I felt the same as you felt last night, as today you clearly feel very differently to me."
"In what way, Severus?" Lupin asked.
"This morning, I awoke with such a feeling of strength, well-being and focus that I have never before felt, and yet you were fevered, weakened and unwell. We would be foolish to think it is unconnected. What did you feel last night?" He still had not released Lupin from his embrace and indeed found himself very reluctant to even loosen it. Not only did he think this was the Thrall bond at work, but he realised that what he would have to confess to Lupin would be unpalatable for Lupin to hear and he feared his reaction.
"I have never felt anything like that before either," Lupin said simply. "It transcended any pleasure I have known, if a word such as pleasure even comes near to describing what I felt. I know I thought my whole being would unravel and then I remember no more until you woke this morning."
"Transcended ... yes..." Snape mused. "I believe that was part of the Thrall, perhaps even the Thrall itself, but we know so very little about it or what we have now set in motion."
Lupin smiled his small smile at Snape, and said, "I believe you are probably now rather more in control of me than you were before. Perhaps last night you became master of the Thrall by taking me." He looked at Snape frankly, who was at a loss how to respond.
"Until now, I think we had become rather blasé about this enchantment," Lupin continued. "What did we have to lose if we both were enjoying our time together? We rather took our eyes off the ball. And now, I suspect my state of wellbeing is in your hands. We read this but I did not think it would be so literal and pronounced, as it was different before. Previously, if I didn't come to you, I would suffer sleepless nights, or pain at transformation, but if I did come to you, I would not. What hardship was there to me to sleep in your bed every night and make love to you?" he slid his hands admiringly over Snape's body. "I could never consider that anything other than a pleasure." Snape's stomach clenched when Lupin removed his hands. Made love to me?
"But now, something had changed fundamentally. I can feel it." Lupin said and swallowed hard. "When you just comforted me then, and chanted to me, I could feel my magical strength coming back to me through you. If it came back to me through you, did I lose it to you? Or through you?" His tone was not accusatory, but Snape's heart sank.
"I suppose that's exactly what the Thrall intended. I realise now this is the bond enchantment as it was intended to work. My life is now in your hands. How can I be comfortable with that?" Lupin looked away to the middle distance, clearly struggling to think this through.
To try to deny it or to gloss over it, Snape knew would be foolish. Whatever had happened yesterday had felt magnificent, but Snape knew that ultimately it was Dark magic and he, of all people, knew that, no matter how carefully one tried to control it, ultimately it would be destructive.
He faced Lupin, and held both his hands and told him honestly of his overwhelming desire to take him and how he had even wrestled with himself against doing so and of the feeling of wrongness; of Lupin's magical resistance which he had thought was the wolf, but which he now thought was Lupin's own defensive magic. He steeled himself and told Lupin of their magical cores this morning and how Snape had restored them. This final revelation of how close Lupin had come to magical annihilation saw Lupin's face drain. His mouth opened and closed as if unable to form the words he needed. He leapt out of the bed and strode to the bathroom. Snape did not follow but sat in the bed, with his head in his hands as he heard the shower turn on.
Eventually, he threw a shirt and trousers on, went to the drawing room and called for breakfast from the house elves and set out their reading once more as it was Saturday. Snape reviewed their work whilst waiting for Lupin. Their own research was still concentrating on perfecting the counter-curse and ritual, which was complex work. Neither had had any idea that this could happen. It wasn't mentioned in their reading. Would they need to make changes now the Thrall appeared to be perfected?
Breakfast arrived and with it the post. He had a letter from Borgin with an enchanted list of books that might interest him for human and non-human bond enslavements and the prices. He would make a trip this afternoon and collect these. Hopefully, there would be information to help them.
The atmosphere in his quarters had become very oppressive. There was still no sign of Lupin so Snape eventually went to the bathroom. Lupin was still standing under the shower, his arms in front of himself bracing himself against the wall, whilst the water coursed over him. Snape went to him, not heeding that he was still dressed, and gently placed his hands on his shoulders, as Lupin had done to him before and rested his head against Lupin's.
"I'm sorry, Remus. We will find a way to break it, I promise," he said quietly.
Lupin's eyes were shut tightly. He nodded tersely. "I trust you, Severus, but I'm not sure I trust us," he muttered, echoing Snape's words from earlier that week.
Snape arrived in Knockturn Alley at lunchtime. He had managed to calm Lupin enough for him to agree to put in an appearance at lunch in the Great Hall. However, Snape found he was anxious to avoid Dumbledore as he was certain the Headmaster would identify any Dark magic that might now be emanating from Snape, especially if his magical core had in any way altered. Dumbledore was very sensitive to Dark magic, as Snape had discovered himself so many years ago. They would not be able to hide this from Dumbledore if he turned his considerable attention to them.
He entered Borgin & Burkes to be met by Borgin at his usual oily and falsely humble best.
"Professor Snape, sir," Borgin bowed obsequiously. "Come through, come through. I have managed to acquire a number of tomes that may be of interest to this particular ... er ... rarefied area of research." He bowed again as he led Snape through to the back room, housing many books and other Dark artefacts and took himself behind the counter.
Borgin brought out a wooden chest containing five books, each of which looked of considerable age, and each of each was bound in a different type of animal skin. Snape was already holding his wand. Any one of the artefacts in this shop could carry the most brutal of curses and it never did to let down one's guard. Snape levitated each book separately and casting the revealing spells for Dark curses. Borgin knew better than to interrupt and watched until Snape had satisfied himself the books were safe to even touch.
Snape then donned a pair of soft dragonhide gloves against any cursed irritants that may have been placed in the books. "Always best to be safe, Professor Snape, sir," Borgin bowed and rubbed his hands, nodding. Snape ignored him, placing each book one after the other on the counter, murmuring counter-curses as he inspected each book in turn. He returned three to the wooden chest and put aside two.
"I'll take these three," Snape said curtly.
"I had thought it would be you that would be enquiring of our services for this particular endeavour up at the school," Borgin smiled unpleasantly.
"Meaning?" Snape clipped out, his head tilting sharply to Borgin, his gaze unwavering.
Borgin tapped a dirty finger to his nose, and chuckled wheezily. "Pay me no never mind, Professor Snape, sir. I shouldn't have mentioned it, I know. Must be causing all sorts of consternation for the Headmaster," he laughed wheezily again as he started to put away the two discarded volumes, not looking at the stone-faced man before him. "Always let it be said, we keep our customers' business confidential at Borgin & Burkes, but he would have to send you to solve it and no mistake." The foul old man carried on wheezing chestily as he Snape counted out the galleons agreed, never taking his glittering eyes from Borgin.
Snape felt his rage bubbling. What the hell was this? Consternation for the Headmaster? Solve it? What could he mean? What could Borgin know?
Finally, as Borgin passed forward the wooden chest to Snape, he locked eyes with Snape and found himself looking at the tip of Snape's wand.
"Legilimens!" Snape hissed.
Snape returned to his quarters, enlarged his shrunken parcels, including the books and sat down to take stock of what he had learned from Borgin.
Malfoy.
Not content with being responsible for opening the Chamber of Secrets last year with an artefact left with him by the Dark Lord for safe-keeping, now according to Borgin, he had sought to pass on these books because an ancient malignant curse had been wrought from their pages. One of the books in particular had contained the little known variation to allow for a third person to cast the enchantment over master and object, but it was believed to be untraceable.
As far as Borgin had ascertained from an overheard conversation between Malfoy and Walden MacNair in his shop, the curse had been wrought against a half-breed teacher at the school. He had not ascertained who the master of the curse would be, but Malfoy had been insistent that the outcry and embarrassment such a cursed union would cause would be the ruination of the Headmaster's reputation. Borgin had guessed that it was intended that the Headmaster himself be the master, and therefore damn him as a practitioner of Dark enslavement magic and sow the seed of doubt that the man was a sexual deviant.
Once Snape was sure Borgin had heard nothing further, Snape had modified his memory and left this shop. He wondered idly just how many times Borgin's memory had been obliviated by his clientele.
He was startled that they knew about Lupin at all and had not just exposed him in The Daily Prophet. He then felt enraged they had intended to make Lupin the object of the Thrall from the outset (unless they had meant Hagrid, and he frankly suspected not), possibly to Dumbledore as his master. He supposed there was more mileage to be made from a Dark magic scandal involving the Headmaster but he felt quite sick at that thought, and absurdly jealous. Absurd because Dumbledore was 114, for Merlin's sake. However, Snape had always been a very jealous man and knew himself to be irrational in his jealousy. Now Lupin was in his Thrall, he had to be careful of his emotions. He now had the capacity to harm Lupin quite seriously, even with his emotions.
Was Malfoy or MacNair capable of such casting? Now that was something that Snape seriously doubted. Both were Dark wizards, but neither was powerful for this type of casting. Was Dumbledore the target? Or was he? He wouldn't put it past Malfoy. It wasn't as if Malfoy had never sought to humiliate him before. He would need to investigate further.
He retrieved the oldest book that contained the third person casting and began to study it. It was a foul and wretched book. So much worse than the other. Whilst he and Lupin may have been the subjects of this enchantment, he did not think of Lupin this way.
He hoped very much the Lupin would visit him. He wanted to tell him all this. He wanted to show him he was making progress. He just wanted him.
Still keen to avoid Dumbledore, although now at least he felt he could be able to defend himself (at least partially) if Dumbledore discovered the Thrall, he dined alone in his quarters. He was working methodically through the first book. The third person casting had differed in many critical aspects from the curse they'd found in the original book. It was well he had found it because their counter-curse would not have worked and indeed the ritual was completely different. He was currently delineating the differences and wanted to go through these with Lupin, as he had done with their previous workings.
He still had not heard from him. He suspected that Lupin was still distressed to find himself as good as a bond slave to him, although Snape hoped Lupin understood he would not purposely abuse the magical link. He didn't know how to reassure him, especially since they had done nothing but give in to the Thrall for the last month. He had proved himself appalling at keeping his desires under control. He could make an educated guess that the Call would be stronger since last night.
Snape resolved that he had to try whilst the moon was waning to give Lupin some respite. He Occluded his mind and meditated until he was ready to sleep.
When he woke, he was surprised to find himself in Lupin's arms. His chest and stomach clenched with pleasure to find himself there and he nestled back into place. He didn't know what time Lupin had come to his bedroom but it demonstrated that his wards had once again accommodated the Thrall. He held the sleeping arms holding him and found he was able to sleep again for another hour.
He was woken by Lupin who was behind him, stroking one languid hand down Snape's side and kissing his neck.
"Remus," Snape murmured. "I'm so pleased you're here. I tried not to Call..."
"I know," Lupin whispered into Snape's neck. "I even felt you meditating. I was quite relaxed myself when you finished." Snape felt Lupin's smile against his skin.
Snape coloured. He had no idea that the perfected Thrall would be so intrusive for either of them.
"I need you, Severus" Lupin breathed. "I slept, but as soon as I woke, I needed to come to you."
Snape needed no encouragement, and his excitement ignited immediately, but he tried to restrain himself. "Should we? I might hurt you," he said earnestly.
Lupin moved himself so that he was facing Snape and pulled him into a deep searching kiss, his hands stroking Snape's already hard cock, taking his breath away. "I need you to take me again," he murmured.
Snape was startled. "I could hurt you..." he blurted out.
Lupin shook his head. "We know now what to expect and what you need to do to equalise us. But I know that I need it, Severus. As the hours go on I'm becoming weaker without it. I think it's the way the Thrall functions."
Snape had wanted Lupin to yearn for him. Be careful what you wish for Severus, he thought bitterly to himself as he felt tears prick behind his eyes that it was for necessity and not longing that Lupin needed him.
"Do you want me at all, Remus?" he found himself saying.
"You know I do. I want you and I need you," Lupin sighed still kissing him.
Snape returned this kiss and let himself sink into the desire that he'd been struggling to keep at bay. He turned Lupin around and brought him into his chest tenderly, kissing his neck, back and shoulder. He moved Lupin's top leg forward gently and gently stroked his back, down between his buttocks and prepared him with his fingers. This morning, there was no resistance. Lupin was already slick and warm. Snape pushed himself in slowly, inch by inch listening to Lupin's soft moans as he did so. He was beautifully tight this time. It was perfect. He stroked Lupin's erection and found himself chanting Remus's name again until they were both entranced. He pushed in as deep as he was able. Lupin pushed back on Snape to ask for more and Snape began to push in deeply and oh so slowly.
This time, their coupling was slow, sure and exquisite. As soon as their orgasm began to build, Snape held Lupin close with one hand over his heart. They felt the vortex commence, but it was controlled and less violent. It still tore from their bodies as they orgasmed but this time merged and mingled their ecstasy and looped around the two of them, energising and enervating them both, reiterating and re-imprinting the Thrall on the men. Eventually it subsided leaving them basking in each other's euphoria, until that too ebbed away.
After breakfast, Snape filled Lupin in on what he had found out from Borgin. Lupin's reactions veered from shock (that his condition was known) to horror (that the master of the Thrall might have been meant to be Dumbledore) to complete confusion that the master seemed to be so imprecise and that the caster was not known.
"So I am the object of a plot to make the Headmaster seem like a sexual deviant." Lupin's mouth pulled into a straight line. "I think I can say I'm insulted in every way imaginable."
"And you'd have every right to be," Snape smirked. "I personally always thought Albus was celibate."
"Please don't Severus. It's appalling. Never speak of it again." Lupin's eyes closed with a grim expression. "Never," he said emphatically. Snape smiled. He'd be happy now he knew Lupin despised the very thought. Yes, his jealousy really was irrational.
They set to work on the new material Snape had obtained yesterday, knowing that they were having to reconstruct their counter-courses and rituals. It would not be done quickly. Snape had hoped to work on that part of the enchantment that dealt with pain control and blood lust control of the werewolf, but that would also have to be aside for now. That was a shame as the moon would be full in sixteen days. He had set about brewing Lupin's Potion as usual.
If Lupin was right about his needing to refresh the Thrall link regularly, Snape suspected he would need to deal with a very angry werewolf before the full moon. He would need to plan.
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