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Unquestionable Love	By : CRMediaGal Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 3380 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is copyrighted to and belongs to JK Rowling. I own none of her associated characters. New characters belong to me. No money/profit is made from this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
A/N: Some short self-loathing, brooding, comfort, and brooding again for our Potions Master...

Many thanks to my wonderful beta reader, Brittny!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is copyrighted to and belongs to JK Rowling. I own none of her associated characters. New characters belong to me.

Chapter 10: Confessions

Hermione motioned Severus several times towards the kitchen table a few feet away. His behavior was growing more and more unsettling. She had implored him to tell her what happened with Hailey, but the only response he kept echoing over and over, with a glazed-over countenance, was, "She hates me, Hermione. She hates me so much..."

The only other time Hermione could recall Severus's voice sounding that sorrowful was the night in the Shrieking Shack at Hogwarts, nineteen years ago...

That terrible, yet unforgettable, night when her husband, then her professor, lay powerless before her, Harry and Ron, his black robes covered in blood from the monstrous snake bites he received to the neck. There, in that gloom-infested, shattered place where their Potions Master lay dying at their feet. Hermione, one of the wizard's countless students, sensed somewhere in the depths of her soul that Severus would perish. There was simply no way a human being could survive such trauma, but the brilliant witch was not ready to accept the inevitable.

His voice was so desperate and morose as he struggled to speak. "You have your mother's eyes," he whispered, so low that she barely heard him.

Severus's dark eyes bore into Harry's, and nothing else was said; nothing else needed to be uttered. In that brief exchange, Hermione observed two men that she loved—the Potions Master and the Chosen One—understanding one another for the very first time.

Then, for a fleeting moment, Severus locked eyes with Hermione, and she sucked in the breath she was already holding. Those impenetrable eyes ripped right through her tough exterior and ripped her heart into countless fragments. Hermione wanted to clutch her chest but could not find the will to move. She was paralyzed on the spot. This could not be the end... This nightmare could not possibly be real...

She sensed those familiar eyes calling to her as they grew more lifeless with each passing second. Hermione wanted so desperately to go to him, comfort him, plead with him, beg him to hang on. Why could she not move?

No other thoughts came, except a propelling desire to go with the heroic, mortally wounded man lying before her, utterly helpless. She would have gladly died right there on the spot and been relieved of all of her anguish, so long as she could be with the man that she loved.

How could Severus leave her? He could not go where she was not permitted to follow. She could not possibly live in a world where Severus Snape did not exist, even if he could not be hers...

Those midnight eyes told her everything: he was departing this life and there was nothing she could do. His words prior to the reference to Harry's mother were not only for the scarred hero he had seemingly despised, they were also for the young Gryffindor woman that he loved.

"Look...at...me..." he had breathed just a few moments before.

Unbeknownst to the two young men at Hermione's sides—the best friends whom she had known all her school days—Severus's words were as much for her as they were for Harry, and they spoke volumes. They echoed defeat, the Potion Master's final succumbing as he was about to relinquish what little oxygen he had left, but not before he conveyed his final message to the Boy Who Lived, now a young man, whom he had sworn to protect seventeen years ago.

Hermione shuddered as that gut-wrenching memory swept over her, temporarily paralyzing her where she stood, but she quickly shook it off, not daring to delve further into that long lost despair. It was painful enough having to rehash it in her dreams, let alone when she was awake and alert.

Severus had not noticed Hermione's faraway look and whispered something inaudible. His pale frame was a shade whiter than normal, and his firm upper body was crumbling against her. Hermione wrapped her arms around his waist, and, together, they eased themselves towards the table. Severus seemed inept at moving of his own free will and his demeanor was certainly not his usual, much to Hermione's alarm. She knew he was somewhere else.

"Sit, sweetheart. Please sit," she urged him gently, guiding Severus into a chair, as he stared off somewhere beyond her reach.

"I've done it again, Hermione." Hermione glanced over the man in black, her caramel eyes shining with compassion. "She hates me," came his silky, redundant whisper.

"Don't say that, Severus. Please, tell me what happened."

"She hates me, and she should. You should, too..."

Hermione dropped into a chair next to him, grabbing his arm more forcefully than intended, and shaking him violently. "Stop it, Severus! Please! How can you say such things?"

"Because I'm a terrible person..."

Hermione watched Severus cover his face with his hands. His long hair fell everywhere, obscuring his dramatic features from view, his words piercing the silence that momentarily fell between them. Hermione tried to whisk the straggly hairs away to see Severus's profile, but was unsuccessful. His locks were thick and weaved in and out of her fingers. She enjoyed touching hem, and was glad when he did not recoil from the gentle strokes to his scalp.

"I had a feeling you would take it this way." She bit her lip and grimaced. "I should never have shown you the letter."

"No," Severus replied firmly. "You were right to show me this. I should see the damage that I've caused. It should never have happened. It's inexcusable, Hermione. Just like with Surina, with Lily. She has every right to hate me. I hate myself!"

His voice grew more anguished with every word. The professor's contempt for himself matched the snarl in his voice, coursing through his veins and making his entire body shudder. Hermione looked on helplessly, not daring to let go of his arm.

"You're far from a horrible person, Severus," she whispered, hurt by the implications he was making, feeling as if they were some kind of personal offense against her as well, "and Hailey knows that. She doesn't hate you. She couldn't hate you if you tried. You're her father."

"And more's the pity for her," he growled in response.

"Stop! You are talking nonsense, Severus!"

"We should never have had children, Hermione. It should never have happened."

Hermione felt like she had received several blows to the stomach, and a tiny gasp escaped her lips as she surveyed the black mass before her. She had not expected Severus to say such horrid things, and she stared at the somber, miserable man at her side. Then her jaw clenched as a new hurt entered that went beyond anything she had felt before, at least in a long while.

"What?" she breathed cautiously, but Severus refused to look at her.

"I should have held firm. I should never have given in. You should never have trusted me to be the father you expected me to be, Hermione. You put too much faith in me. I'll never be the father your children deserve..."

For a moment, Hermione could do nothing but gawk at him. In all the years she had known him, in all the mood swings and torments she had witnessed Severus put himself through,—almost always unnecessarily—she never anticipated that he would say the wretched words he was now.

"They're your children, too, Severus! How can you say that? How?"

Severus kept his face hidden behind his curtain of hair and mumbled through the hands still clasped to his face, "Because you know it's true, Hermione. You know I was the wrong choice."

"What?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Severus hissed in a faint voice that was very unlike himself. "You should never have chosen me. It was a gamble you should never have taken, and I should have stopped you while I still had the self-control to resist."

"Gamble?" Hermione breathed, her lip quivering in a tumult of injury and despair. "Severus... That hurts. Why would you say that to me?"

Hot tears prickled Hermione's eyes, but she held them back as she watched Severus heave a heavy sigh before finally offering her a damaged answer, his face still masked from view. "You should never have saved my life, Hermione."

Hermione felt like she could not get enough air and immediately threw up her trembling hands, running them through her hair several times, fighting to keep her composure. She felt a wave of emotions washing over her, about to give way, so she gritted her teeth to keep them far away, locked somewhere at the back of her mind.

"I won't listen to this," she whispered in a dangerous tone that echoed her husband's. "You are taking this matter far too personally, Severus. Stop it! Talk sensibly, for goodness' sake!"

His lingering, dark words stung, and the pain was excruciating and unbearable. When she received no further reply from the brooding man beside her, Hermione quickly confirmed her fill of it. In a swift and sudden move, Hermione pried Severus's hands away from his face with a force that surprised them both.

"Severus Snape, you listen to me!" Her voice was her own, but much stronger than before. "You're a good father! You're an exceedingly good father. We all make mistakes and you are no exception, do you hear? Now, are you going to tell me what happened or do I have to drag out the Veritaserum?" She narrowed her eyes whilst Severus took in his wife's newfound overbearance. "Don't think I don't know where all your personal stashes are kept in this house!"

Though she had meant to him out of his reclusive state, it only seemed to propel him further away. He shifted his weight around to get out of her grip and cast his eyes downwards, brushing a few strings of hair out of his line of vision with an air of annoyance.

"That isn't necessary," he griped, his reply aimed more at Hermione's failed attempt at humor than at her empty threat.

"Fair enough. Then start from the beginning."

She brought an arm around Severus's back and squeezed him with all of her strength, half expecting him to back out of her demand, but he made no such attempt. He related everything to Hermione about that first day of term: Hailey's smirk and giggle; his temper, which, he admitted, felt so far outside of his control; the wand incident; and Hailey's response once they were alone, when he had tried so desperately to apologize and explain his actions.

So, Hailey's story coincides with Severus's, to a point.

Hailey had not disclosed the very end of that first lesson to Hermione and now she understood why; it was horrific, containing so much misdirected anger and a lack of understanding between father and daughter. What did the poor girl think? What was she making of all this?

Hermione was shocked when Severus told her about Hailey's outbursts: her aggression, her screams, her smacking him across the face, and her repeated shouts of hatred for Severus, which he was clearly hung up on and kept repeating. He also recalled their last heated discussion in the deserted corridor outside of McGonagall's office and all of their daughter's built-up frustrations. Hailey's actions puzzled Hermione. They were not at all like the sweet, level-headed girl that she knew, and Hermione grew quieter as Severus delved further and further into the depths of his personal despair and their daughter's ongoing, persistent fury. Severus also informed her of the assistantship and how Hailey appeared to be taking it all. He lamented his decision in choosing their daughter, who seemed to possess nothing but contempt for him. The situation was worse than Hermione had originally thought.

"Severus," she moaned once he was finished, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I was afraid of this. It - It sounds much worse than before..."

Severus's shoulders tensed and he tried to pull away, but Hermione's hold on him was quite strong, and, in truth, he longed for her familiar touch. Severus easily succumbed, allowing Hermione to nuzzle her nose against his neck, but he did not return her advances. He was too wrapped up in his own self-hate to respond the way that he wanted to.

"Can we not talk about that, please?" he murmured, his deep voice unusually desperate. Hermione eyed him thoughtfully with a sad pout, but agreed not to push the subject. For now.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she whispered in his ear.

Severus grumbled, displeased. "Why didn't you tell me you already knew?"

Hermione drew back and stared into her husband's fatigued features, and the devastated look he projected broke her heart. It was that same tragic expression from years ago and it alarmed Hermione whenever it unexpectedly reemerged, which was far more frequently as of late.

"She didn't tell me everything, love," Hermione replied as soothingly as she could. "She didn't tell me how she hit you or told you she hated you. She left all of that out. Can't you see why?"

Severus continued to stare at her, unmoved. "You didn't answer my question."

Hermione searched Severus's face and brought her forehead to his. His eyes were so distant and sad that Hermione thought she would surely drown in them if she did not pull them both out of this gloom as quickly as possible.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to you in person. I waited to see you so that we could discuss this matter face-to-face." She paused, waiting for Severus to respond, but he only stared. "Was that unreasonable of me?"

Severus gave a defeated groan before touching his lips to her forehead. Hermione closed her eyes, relishing in this delicate exchange, and took pleasure in his soft lips against her skin.

"No, of course not," he replied after a while, "but I hate thinking you've known all this time how badly I've behaved. I can't imagine what's been going through your mind these past few weeks."

Hermione peered up at him attentively. "I try not to make any judgments until I know both sides. You know that, Severus. And anyway, Hailey didn't tell me everything, remember?"

Severus frowned, his sable eyes searching Hermione's, almost pleading with her. He hesitated before responding. "And what's the conclusion you've reached, my dear?"

Hermione offered him a charitable smile and stroked his cheek lovingly as she so often did. A profound sigh escaped Severus's lips at receiving this simple gesture, as if he had been holding his breath for a long time.

"You were wrong to behave as you did, Severus," she concurred softly, "but Hailey was equally wrong to react so violently. You both made mistakes."

"But I—"

Hermione pressed her hand to his lips, before tracing them thoughtfully with her finger. "Severus, you're human. I'm not a sainted mother, and you're no perfect father. We all make mistakes. You both just need to sit down and have a serious talk about this."

"She'd never agree to that," Severus growled, hastily running his hand through his hair. "She doesn't want to talk to me, Hermione. I've damaged her too much."

"I think you underestimate how strong and resilient our daughters are," Hermione contradicted, continuing to stare at him fondly. "She'll come around, sweetheart. Give her some time to get over her anger. She's hurting just as much as you, right now."

Severus scowled, tearing Hermione's hand away from his face, but she would not allow it. She was well-attuned to his mental methods of self-torture, so she wasted no time. Hermione grabbed his chin and pulled him towards her again, not giving him the opportunity to reflect, or to berate himself yet again.

"You owe her an explanation, Severus, and she owes you one, too, as well as an apology. You've already given her that. Now Hailey needs to do the same and she will, you'll see."

Severus's eyes widened a little, a shimmer of hope lighting them up for only seconds before vanishing. "So, you – you don't think she's right to hate me then?"

There was angst and desperation seeping through his cracked, low voice and Hermione reacted immediately by planting a firm kiss on his lips. He reacted passionately in return, reaching round and grabbing the small of her back, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss. His desire to show how grateful he was to receive her affection was more than apparent. Severus knew this was a token of Hermione's forgiveness, and he did not want to let her go.

"No," Hermione murmured, after pulling back to gaze at him again. "I do not think that she's right on that point." She gave another reassuring, intense kiss to the broken man in her arms, before finishing her sentence, murmuring softly as she continued to caress his face in her hands with a broad smile. "And, for the record, no one hates you, Severus. Mind you, you can be quite impossible and moody and damn near exacerbating, and sometimes I really do want to smack you upside the head, such as now, but I'm sorry to inform you that your assertions are invalid. Hate you? No, that's impossible."

Hermione was relieved to hear Severus give a faint, rough chuckle for the first time since he had come home. It was endearing, a solace that Hermione responded to without delay. She leaned her forehead against his, allowing his hooked nose to touch her own, a persistent smile still etched across her attractive mouth.

"I don't know what I would do without you," Severus muttered quietly, before taking a deep breath, not removing his eyes from her. "Thank you, Hermione."

Hermione cocked her head to the side, staring into the professor's eyes with a fresh playfulness. "I thought you just said a couple minutes ago that I never should have chosen you?"

"I retract that remark," Severus growled back, causing Hermione to stifle a laugh.

"Well, good, because I'm fairly proud of the choices I make. Also, I'm rather astute, as you are already well-aware, and I have a pretty strong conviction that this will all work itself out. You will see."

To Hermione's relief, a recognizable, dark smirk formed on Severus's visage. "If you say so, you insufferable know-it-all."

The beautiful witch suddenly bit her lip again, her face turning grave for a fleeting moment. "Do you think we should tell Hailey everything? And Surina, too, for that matter? About..."

"No," Severus affirmed, his demeanor unchanged. "I'd rather not, Hermione. I don't want to alarm them further."

"I really don't think the girls will react as poorly as you're thinking, Severus."

"Please... No."

Severus took his fingers and gently traced the outline of Hermione's lips, forcing his wife to cease biting them. Hermione let out a reluctant sigh, looking him over with the affectionate warmth she always radiated for him.

"Very well, Severus," she consented in a faint voice, "but I think you're making a mistake."

A/N #2: Next subplot coming right up!
- 9
- 10
- 11
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Unquestionable Love