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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20869 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
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- 66-66
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- 69-69
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- 75-75
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- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
- 99
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- 101
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
(memory cont.)
The next morning found her tucked up in his study before the open fire, with a large tome on her lap, and a quill and parchment balanced on a writing board on the arm of the chair. Her research had been going well, up until the moment Snape had appeared and settled into the chair opposite. She'd been distracted by thoughts of him ever since.
He'd been completely taken aback by her request the night before, and he had taken some convincing to be sure that it was really what she wanted. He'd been a complete gentleman, of course, letting her prepare herself for bed first, and giving her one of his white shirts to sleep in. She was starting to doze by the time he climbed into the cot he'd transfigured from a chair. She'd been glad of his consideration – she'd wanted to stay with him, but wasn't sure that she would have been able to cope with any closer contact. Her feelings concerning him were far too mixed up to allow it. They still were.
How was she to behave in such a situation? Her memories of him contrasted so sharply against each other; The man who'd abused and tormented her, and the one who'd saved her and made her his responsibility, who would have preferred to be punished rather than commit such heinous crimes against her; who couldn't be more disgusted by the actions she'd forced him into taking, by her own stupidity in getting caught, and who was calmly currently sitting across from her, intent on the book in his own lap, as if nothing had ever happened. He was so composed. Last night he'd been sick with what she could only guess was anxiety, but today? How can someone have that much self-control?
"I apologise, Miss Granger." His voice cut through the silence suddenly, making her jump. She looked up at him in confusion. "Your arm…." He paused, and she followed his gaze down to where she was unconsciously rubbing the word that had been scored into her skin. How long had he been watching her?
"It's not your fault," she shrugged, the tremor in her voice betraying the feigned nonchalance she was striving for. The agony was all too fresh, and coupled with the terror of being pinned under a gaunt-looking Lucius Malfoy, hell bent on getting his revenge on her, it was no surprise that the calming draught Snape had forced upon her wasn't enough to stop the memory from affecting her. "Is there no way to heal it?"
"I did as much as I could last night. The spell I used would have healed most things, but that blade of Bella's is a nasty thing. There are many layers of curses upon it, many of them old and particularly unpleasant. You were lucky I was there to do what I could. I have seen wounds inflicted by that blade fester and blacken quickly with a little time. Not even the healers at St Mungo's could do more, unless they had a deeper understanding of the Dark Arts than I. If you had been left to them you would have likely lost the whole arm to stop the spread."
Hermione's stomach clenched with horror and she had to fight down the bile rising in her throat. She'd had no idea of how bad it could have been. Snape continued without noticing her distress.
"I should have been there to stop it. I promised I would protect you and already I have let you down. The Dark Lord… he said… I should have known better than to leave you alone. I should have found a way to persuade the Dark Lord that it was not necessary."
"V… He ordered them to do this to me?" She was shaking all over. "You knew they were going to do this to me?" Her voice had risen towards the end and she could feel herself coming apart.
Snape was in front of her in one swift movement, kneeling before her as he held a phial to her lips. "Drink it, Miss Granger. I should have realised you may have needed more than a single dose."
She tried to push his hand away, but he wouldn't let her, tipping the liquid into her mouth. She choked slightly as it went down. Snape shifted so he could pat her gently on the back.
"I knew none of the details, or even that anything was to happen to you that evening. The Dark Lord informed me he had an idea concerning you. I didn't know… but I should have." Snape's voice was low and bitter, and he seemed to be talking to himself more than to her. "I've been around them all long enough to guess at the sort of thing that would happen to you. I should never have agreed to leaving you alone for so long."
She glanced at him, and he looked so pained she knew he was telling only the truth. "It wasn't your fault," she said calmly, reaching for his cheek with her small fingers. "You couldn't have known." Perhaps it was her imagination, but she was sure that for a moment Snape pressed back against her hand. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds and then suddenly he was gone, halfway across the room before she could barely blink.
"I will send Tiggy in to you in an hour or so for lunch. I will be in my lab if you need me." He strode from the room, leaving her speechless.
She tried to return her attention to the book in front of her, but that last image of his face kept swimming up before her eyes. His anguish was almost tangible, but it was the tiny glimmer of longing in his expression that had her perplexed. What was it he yearned for? In all the years she'd known him she'd never thought of him beyond a wary suspicion of his loyalty, but now she knew more of him she was beginning to wonder more about his motives. What was it that drove him? Why was he so devoted to the cause that he was willing to do such things, to place himself in such a dangerous position between Dumbledore and Voldemort?
All her musings came up with nothing, although she realised at some point that perhaps he had shown her already, back in the dungeon under Malfoy Manor. She had been shocked by something he had shown her to convince her what side he was on, but he hadn't let her see it again. If only she could remember…
By that evening she'd actually managed to get a decent amount done, finally settling down into her research after a quiet lunch by herself in the library. Snape hadn't appeared until she'd gone looking for him at suppertime. The moment she'd touched the door handle to enter his lab the door had swung open and he'd stepped out, as if waiting for her. The way he'd been so surprised that she'd arranged dinner for the both of them had been strangely endearing, as had the wrinkles around his eyes that had appeared when he'd noticed she'd asked his elf to serve his favourites. He'd not seemed to know how to react, and she'd felt her stomach drop as she realised it was because he was unused to people doing nice things for him.
The meal had been mainly silent, except for a few inquiries about how the other's day had been. The quiet had not felt uncomfortable though, and they both were content just to enjoy each other's presence without the need for conversation. Snape actually seemed to be relaxed enough to let his mouth curl up slightly when their eyes met across the table. She'd never seen him look so happy.
A few hours later the mood had changed once again as she'd tidied away her books and notes, and he'd led her back to his bedroom. He looked so lost and alone as he'd sat down on the bed next to her that her heart twisted in her chest. He had good reason to look such a way, she realised. In a few minutes he would once again be alone with all the burdens he carried, with no one to understand, only people to hate him for what he had done. She would hate him once more.
Hermione watched as he slowly reached into a pocket and drew out two phials, one empty and the other filled with a sleeping potion that he had told her would last until morning. He moved to uncork it, but before he managed to pull the stopper from the narrow neck, she impulsively threw herself across his lap, her arms around his neck, wishing fervently that she could wipe the sadness from his face.
Snape was stiff beneath her, and she was surprised he didn't push her away. After a few moments when he didn't move she began to feel awkward, and started to pull away, but Snape suddenly gripped her tight, not letting her move. He pressed his face to the top of her head, and took a deep, shuddering breath. Hermione relaxed back against his chest and let him hold her for as long he needed.
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Memories of Deception