Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After	By : ElizabethStump Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 90306 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 106
- 107
- 108
"And They Didn't Live Happily Ever After"

Chapter One Hundred Six
"Dragontinis and Drunkards"

Disclaimer:
This fanfic has been drinking, it still needs a disclaimer
And the writer lost her mind, the plot was getting lamer
And the characters all get drunk, and my spelling was just so weak
And the readers are getting restless, and my betas need a break
And this fanfic has been drinking, Rowling has created Potter, not me, not me...

A/N: Lyrics a parody of "The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)" by Tom Waits.

============

Gary noticed that Hermione and Severus made a concerted effort to focus on the morning's Japanese lesson, but he was gracious enough not to chastise them when he would catch them periodically casting longing glances at one another. They were as bad as any pair of lovesick teenagers he had seen, and though they tried to behave as rational adults in control of themselves, they failed. He knew that Severus had been pining for Hermione and that her stay would be brief, so he let it slide this week. He would tap his wand at the chalkboard to rouse them both out of their momentary distraction in order to have them recite what he had written on the board and correct their pronunciation as needed. Both were excellent students, but he also recognized when two people were madly in love with one another.

To end the lesson for the day, he instructed Severus and Hermione to ask if Draco would invite them to a tea ceremony before Hermione left to go back to London. "Many of the great Japanese Potion masters were also masters of the tea ceremony, which requires some common skills – the stillness of mind, paying attention to the number of times to whisk the tea, the precision of movement, the selection of only the best-quality ingredients."

Gary began waving his wand about, folding up the chalkboard as he continued talking. "Draco, though not formally trained as a tea master, is quite good for a novice with no Master to study under, especially since he was self-taught from books translated into English. He was kind enough to invite me and Iolana for tea a few times. Observing a proper tea ceremony will help you understand some references in this highly contextual language, no doubt."

Severus thanked him for the suggestion and said he would contact Draco that day.

Once Gary was gone, Severus packed up the cabana he had finally gone out and bought the other day, since most other people on the island had a portable cabana for their family days at the beach.

Meanwhile, Hermione packed the picnic hamper, making sure to include the small hibachi grill from the back deck, but she left room for a few more items they would need to pick up. There was also the matter of towels, bathing suits, a small folding prep table, knives, net bags, and vials and containers to hold specimens until they could take them back to the lab upstairs, and other equipment and accouterments required for a full day out. She wondered if using an Extension Charm on the picnic hamper would harm the specimens.

As they were heading down to Severus' shop, since he'd promised her the deluxe ten-Sickle tour of the place, Hermione stopped in the middle of the street.

She blinked in confusion. "Wait, wasn't that a Korean Bar-B-Que restaurant before?" she asked, pointing to the Thai restaurant.

"Yes. As diverse as the palates and different cultures that are here on the island may be, there isn't a population large enough to sustain a dozen different restaurants. So the restaurants rotate every two to four days. This building switches between Korean, Thai, and Indian, along with the décor and cooks." He then turned around and pointed to a Mexican restaurant one block down. "That place is a Mexican taqueria and El Salvadorian papuseria three days a week. It shares the space with a family that runs a Persian restaurant every other weekend, and an Ethiopian and a Brazilian restaurant."

"And what do the people do when they aren't running their restaurant?"

"Many people have farms they work on the rest of the time and use the restaurant to supplement their income, but there wouldn't be enough business on this island to have them run it full-time. However, the locals found if they rotated, there was enough of a revenue stream that they could share rents with others and keep enough patrons coming in to make a profit with the trickle that Portkeys or Apparates in from the other islands." Severus then spun about pointing out each spot with his finger, "Mario's, Ohana Family Diner, Flo & Eddie's Noodle House, Golden Dragon, and Yamamoto's are the only restaurants that are occupied by the same restaurant all the time."

They continued walking towards Severus' shop again until Hermione stopped and yanked on his arm. "Oh, wait! We still have to go mirror–shopping." Hermione remembered as they passed by the store that sold housewares and linens. "We should go in and shop now in case they have to order them."

Severus supposed this was as good a time as any to go shopping, though it was a rather tiresome chore.

Hearth, Hale & Ho'opika was where Draco had gone to outfit his home before he wed Ginny, and it was probably the only shop on the island that would probably sell mirrors.

The pair were greeted by Lorraine, Matt’s widow. Severus introduced Hermione to her, and Lorraine told them to look around, as she had several mirrors hanging about the store for display.

Some of the mirrors in the store were enchanted and started calling for Hermione and Severus to come look at them.

"Is there anything that doesn't have gold gilt bamboo or palm fronds for a frame and isn't already charmed?" Hermione asked quietly. She did not care for some of the more ostentatious styles of tropical-themed décor with charmed glass that was quick to flatter them. Some of the Asian-themed décor mirror frames did not tickle Hermione's fancy, especially the ones that were charmed to talk back, some not even in English. Given that the mirror Hermione picked would sit in her flat for months, and then be moved to Lavender's office to reside there, she had to pick something that not only she could tolerate, but that Lavender could as well.

Severus found a mirror he liked, a free-standing, floor-length uncharmed one that had a plain teak frame with little adornment. It was simple, but Severus' current decorating job at the house was also very simple, since the house still looked only half-furnished.

Finally, Hermione's eyes fell upon a mirror hidden towards the back. It had a frame with a European neoclassical style, featuring deep blue enamel and a small amount of gilded gold work that was understated. The glass wasn't even charmed. It was a large wall mirror, and it would also fit within the décor of Lavender's office. It was marked down and was otherwise perfect. Looking about the rest of the store, she could tell that European-style décor was not in hot demand in Malu Palekaiko.

Severus paid for the mirrors and instructed Lorraine to have them delivered the following morning between ten and eleven, after his lessons were over for the day.

As they turned down the small alley of Humuhumunukunukuapua`a Lane, Hermione let out a small squeal of delight. She saw the shingle hanging from under the awning and the wreath of silvery-green eucalyptus and red leucodendrons on the front door.

"It looks charming already," she exclaimed with anticipation.

Just as they reached the door, one of Jerry's students was exiting and held the door for them both.

"Severus!" Pat cried out in amazement from behind her reception desk. "Draco told me that he had a surprise that would keep you here, and here she is. You must be Hermione," the middle-aged witch said as she stood up to walk around her desk and shake Hermione's hand.

"Hermione, this is Pat Vallier, our office manager, receptionist, and most talented guardian against pointless appointments," Severus said with a lilt of dry humor in his voice.

"You must be very good to earn such high praise from Severus," Hermione remarked with her own wry observation.

"Given that I found ways to write off more expenses for the business, since I'm also versed in wizard tax code, I think I've saved him enough to earn my keep." Pat heard the hooting of an owl arrive. "If you'll excuse me, I have some things to attend to."

Just as Pat left, Jerry stuck his head out of his office. "They popped up for air!"

Severus gave Jerry a pointed look that said sexual innuendos in the office would not be tolerated, as his eyes then darted to Jerry's next student who had been watching the exchange quietly.

Taking the hint, Jerry said, "Well, I have my next student here, so I'll leave you two alone while you give your guest the grand tour." He then looked to the young wizard waiting patiently. "Jimmy? Why don't you come in."

Hermione glanced at all the Christmas cards pinned to the wall, peeking at some of the inscriptions from grateful parents and students. Then Severus showed her his classroom setup and how it was meant for a much smaller class size. It was in a U-shaped table configuration so Severus could stand in the middle and observe all the students simultaneously, while not having to run around benches to reach a student before his or her cauldron exploded. Cauldrons of various sizes were stacked neatly in one corner, and there was a cabinet with various sizes of robes that students could wear; if they didn't bring their own robes, they could rent these for a fee.

In the next room back was the storage area, where Severus found Thomas stacking some deliveries that had come in. Thomas was one of his students who worked to help pay for his lessons.

"Oh, sorry, Mr. Snape," Thomas said with surprise as he stood up and dusted his hands off. "I thought you were going to be gone off to England this week. Pat told me to come in and put these deliveries away in case there was anything in them that would spoil, but I doubt you would order anything that needed special charms while you were away. But I came in when Pat asked anyway."

"That's all right, Thomas," Severus assured him. "This is Hermione Weasley."

Thomas recognized the witch from the photo on his boss' desk. He blushed a little when Hermione shook his hand and said it was a pleasure to meet him.

"Ma'am." He nodded his head, looking a bit shy as any young man did in the presence of a witch who caught his fancy and made him nervous. "Say, you wouldn't happen to be related to Ron Weasley, the Keeper of the English Chudley Cannons, would you?"

Hermione could distinctly hear the grinding of Severus' teeth, which she pretended not to notice. Trying to sound bright and unperturbed by the question, she said as nonchalantly as possible, "That would be my ex-husband."

Thomas' face fell. "Oh, I am so sorry, Mrs. Weasley," he stammered, ineloquent, but sincere in his embarrassment.

"Don't be sorry, I'm not."

"So then you aren't related to Lavender Weasley?" he asked innocently, too enthralled in the discussion to notice Severus glaring at him.

"That would be my ex-husband's current wife." Hermione paused and added for effect, "And my employer."

There was a moment of silence before Thomas commented, "That must be awkward."

Hermione found humor in the statement and laughed aloud, which surprised even Severus. "At first, yes, but it was for the best, and we're all much happier for it." She paused, then explained, "The three of us were classmates at school for seven years, and we still have friends in common."

Thomas nodded in understanding. "Oh, just like when kids here date and break up with each other, then date another friend."

Hermione smiled, glad to ease the young wizard's discomfort. He really was just a child, who might even end up working for The Lovely Lavender Company in a few years.

Severus was thankful for her skills with people. But mostly, he was surprised that the love-triangle relationship between Hermione, Lavender, and Ronald had not already spread to all the corners of Malu Palekaiko already. "Well, carry on with your tasks, Thomas," Severus said tersely, dismissing the young wizard.

Reaching into his pocket, Severus pulled out his keys and wand, using both to unlock his potions lab in the back where he brewed his commissions. As they entered, candles flickered to life; the place was deathly quiet. Severus had decided not to let anything simmer while he was away, should anything like a vengeful Mad-Eye Moody or some other unforeseen circumstance keep him from coming back in a timely manner.

As Severus shut the door so they could continue talking without being interrupted or overheard, Hermione noticed the layout and feel of the place.

"This reminds me of your old classroom," Hermione noted, a twinkle in her eye. "And if your students here require detention, do you make them come serve it here while you work away?"

"No," Severus said, having an inkling where Hermione's line of questions were going to lead. "If they misbehave, I either serve the parents with a nuisance fee or make them work it off by collecting potions ingredients for me for free. I no longer must supervise unruly students and waste my time disciplining them. Misbehaving students are prevented from signing up for future brewing classes with me, and I leave the parents to deal with the punishment."

Running a finger along one bench, looking a bit kittenish, Hermione said, "And if I was your apprentice and was a bit unruly, how would you discipline me?"

Severus folded his arms in front of himself and lifted his nose in the air, trying to look haughty and imperious. "Fraternization between master and apprentice is a solemn arrangement meant for serious study, not an excuse for dirty old wizards to exploit naïve, young, alluring and nubile witches for the purposes of satisfying their titillating peccadilloes."

"Yes," Hermione purred as she played with the button of Severus' black and green Hawaiian shirt, "but what if he's an attractive, virile wizard who is not so old, and what if the apprentice is not so young and naïve, and has her own dirty, lustful peccadilloes?"

Severus quirked a smug brow at her.

Hermione and Severus made sure every hair was in place, every button was buttoned correctly, and zippers were up before they left Severus' private lab forty minutes later. Pat and Jerry might have guessed they were busy talking about Potions, or they could have correctly guessed the couple was busy with other pursuits other than professional talk, but the lovers would not give them any cause to guess the latter.

Severus made use of an office owl and sent a missive off to Draco about the tea ceremony. They would have stopped to ask in person, but that would have delayed them. Severus wanted to be there to dive for urchins and anemones when the tides were optimal, and they still had to go shopping.

At the market, more people came up and talked with Severus, many – like Thomas – surprised that he was around that week. The social exchange turned into a chance for Severus to introduce Hermione to more of the townsfolk.

With enough food packed for lunch and dinner, they finally headed out to the edge of town to Apparate to a choice spot to go collecting. Severus set up the cabana along the beach, which allowed them a chance to change into their swimsuits in privacy. With their wands secured in their suits' loops, and their net collection bags in hand, they entered the water. They both cast Bubble-Head Charms before diving down.

Hermione was amazed at the variety of tropical fish that nibbled at the coral reef below. Yellow tangs as large as Severus' hand, Moorish idols, trigger fish, brightly-colored parrotfish, and several species of butterfly fish swam about. They all dazzled Hermione with their beauty, as she had only ever seen fish like this in aquariums, and much smaller at that.

Severus guided Hermione down to a spot that was rich in exotic corals, urchins, and anemones. Pulling out a knife, he showed Hermione how to pry and cut the various specimens free and gather them into the net bags carefully. Hermione had little problem with the pieces of coral and urchins she gathered, but with one anemone she did get stung.

Up on the beach, they deposited their collection into some tubs filled with sea water in order to hold them until they could begin processing some for parts. But before that, Severus fetched a bottle of vinegar and poured it over Hermione's hand, neutralizing the sting of the anemone. Severus also applied a salve to help speed healing, having had his own share of jellyfish and anemone stings over the past year.

In the shade of the cabana, Severus cracked open the first sea urchin, halving it neatly with a slicing spell in order to show Hermione the interior of the animal and the useful parts that usually were shipped dried to England. Once done with the anatomy lesson, he tipped the urchin over to empty the internal organs before reaching into the cavity.

"And now the delicious part," he said with relish. "The gonads."

Hermione watched as Severus plucked out the dark golden organ, rinsed it lightly in a small pan of sea water, and popped it into his mouth.

With his eyes closed, he chewed on it, savoring the sweet and briny soft flesh. He pulled the next one out and offered it to Hermione. She was almost reluctant to try it, having had urchin in a sushi bar once and was underwhelmed by the taste of it. But when Severus placed that fresh delicacy on her tongue, her eyes popped open with surprise, and she groaned with delight.

After swallowing, she said, "Oh my God, that is good. That is nothing like the urchin I've had before."

Severus smiled, as if he had personally shown her the secret cellar that stored the nectar of the gods, and let her sample some. He was almost like a giddy schoolboy sharing some great secret he'd stumbled across. "It's only good fresh like this. Once you pull the gonads out, the texture begins to change almost immediately and it won't keep, which is why this is the best way to enjoy it."

Hermione gave a try at cutting open a live urchin and cleaned out the various organs to throw them into the respective containers Severus had brought. Once done, Hermione pulled out a set of five more gonads, which they shared as a quick bite before they began cutting open the rest of the sea urchins to collect for various potions ingredients.

Once all the collected specimens were cut and set in various trays, salted, and left to dry in the sun, or thrown into jars and preserved with various fluids, it was time for lunch.

Hermione pulled out some fruit and began to slice them up as Severus lit the coals in the hibachi grill. Noting that Hermione was wielding a blade, he asked, "How are your knife skills lately?"

"Better," she replied noncommittally.

"Good enough for you to bet?" he goaded her.

"Depends. Are your massage skills just as good? Because after giving you a back rub last night, I need one of my own now." Hermione feigned that her shoulders ached, pouting and making over-exaggerated sad faces. "I don't remember your muscles being so tight back in England, and I had to put a lot of effort into it."

"I've had to put a lot of effort into you. You forget how much work it requires to satisfy you, though if you're still game to try Polyjuice Potion tomorrow, you'll finally figure that out first hand." He gave her a knowing leer.

"Well, if I win and I get a proper back-rub; what do you want should you win? And how shall we judge this competition?"

Severus had to think about it. She had already given him a very nice back-rub the night before, and without him even asking for one. There was little in the way of sexual desires that they hadn't already sated or planned to fulfill during the rest of the week.

He thought for a moment before deciding. "Hmm, fine. When we go to my farm, I get to sit back and supervise, and you can harvest and process the various things I need for my shop, in addition to gardening chores."

Aghast, Hermione huffed, only slightly amused. "What do you think I am? Free slave labor?"

"You are the apprentice. I am the master. Were you not aware that essentially you are indentured during your apprenticeship? Or has Albert been paying you when you work on his garden?" Severus gave a very self-satisfied smile as he leaned back, clasping his hands behind his head, knowing he was right.

Eyes narrowing, she gave him a playful glare that she was ready to meet his challenge and felt she would surely be getting her back-rub later that day. "Fine, let's do it."

Hermione split the fish in half evenly with the same slicing spell Severus had used. After placing the fish halves on the scales Severus had also brought, it was confirmed that that the two halves weighed equally. The wizard who had the fillets that weighed the most would win.

What neither expected was a contingency should they come to a draw and both their fillets weighed the same. In the end, it was agreed that Severus would supervise while Hermione worked on Severus' farm later that afternoon, and Severus would give her a much needed back-rub afterwards.

After a lunch of grilled fish, everything was packed away. Severus had promised Hermione some beach time, and they Apparated to a spot where the sand was as soft as sugar beneath their feet. Severus normally didn't swim for fun, but only for exercise. However, with Hermione, he was enjoying himself as they swam about. Eventually, they both came out and rested in the shade of the cabana, each pulling out a book to read. Severus even dozed off for a bit, his book resting on his chest while Hermione continued to study her Japanese primer. When Severus awoke, Hermione had a refreshing chilled drink ready for him.

Arriving at the farm, they changed back into their clothes. Severus gave her yet another tour, pointing out the nearby farms and the various crops grown there. His farm still had areas he had yet to clear, but he also told Hermione what he planned to do. He had already planted some citrus trees, since they did better on the drier side of the island, with plans of a nice-sized orange grove soon. The rosemary and thyme were growing at an astounding rate; Severus instructed Hermione to take tips off of his rosemary bushes, and then set them up for drying.

He had built a small shed to house his tools, drying rack areas, a small desk, a sturdy sink to wash large batches of whatever was harvested, and a toilet. Reclining on a hammock on the front porch of the shed, he watched as Hermione moved about quickly, cutting bushes, dead-heading plants, picking fruit, and pulling weeds with great efficiency. Severus wished the students he supervised to work on his farm for pay worked as quickly and diligently as did Hermione, who admittedly did this to honor a bet, rather than for pay.

Sweat trickling down her face, she trudged up to the porch. "Well, I did all you asked so far. What next?" Hermione swiped her wrist across her brow to stop the sweat from trickling into her eyes.

"That's it. That's all that needed to be done today."

Relieved, Hermione came up to the porch and collapsed into the hammock, coming to lie next to Severus. Unfortunately, the sun was in the west and beating down on the front porch.

"You're filthy again," he noted.

"And you're still all salty from the ocean."

Severus set up the cabana for a third time that day, as the cabana came equipped with a shower for rinsing off after a day at the beach. Once showered, and with no one around to bother them, Severus honored his end of the bet and gave Hermione a thorough back-rub while mutually nude. This back-rub eventually turned into a tussle in the cabana as he straddled the backs of her thighs, sliding into her as he continued to dig his thumbs into key tight spots on her back and hips. They made use of lounge chairs they had reclined on earlier.

As sunset approached, they reclined in the hammock, side by side, enjoying the unobstructed view of the horizon. The sky changed quickly from golden to peach, then vivid orange and burnt orange as the sun set along the western edge of the Pacific.

Severus pulled out their food from the picnic hamper as twilight set in. He had some marinated pork set on bamboo skewers that he grilled on the hibachi. Hermione cooked the rice in a cauldron set at the edge of a small fire-pit she made with some lava rocks and some old dried pieces of wood. And there was a lightly pickled cucumber-and-carrot salad done Thai-style to round out the meal. Severus uncorked a Pinot Blanc to go with the meal.

The coals dimmed as they were finishing the last of their dinner, just as the stars came out.

As they relaxed once more in the hammock, they gazed up at the stars together. Hermione had not seen so many stars since she was a student at Hogwarts. There was no light pollution from any cities, and the sky was so filled with stars, she could even discern Severus' face by their light alone, the moon having not yet risen.

Thinking aloud, Hermione wondered, "Will it always be so wonderful as this?"

"As much as I wish it so, unfortunately no," he sighed with resignation. Severus was not about to let sentimentality overtake him this time, for he knew better. "As much as your visit has been like some fantastical dream of near perfection, I am not about to lie and wax rhapsodically that this gloriously heady time will be eternal. We'll both come home from long days at work and fall into our complacent habits. Hopefully, we will not fall into the common trap of taking each other for granted and thereby become resentful, but familiarity does breed contempt. I cannot promise that I will always be as agreeable as I have been this week with you, drunk on the euphoria of having you with me again, but as with love potions, passions that burn so bright burn out and cool in time."

For Hermione, it was quite sobering to hear Severus speak so frankly. She digested what he said before replying. "True, a blazing fire can burn out quickly, but if one tends to the fire to make sure it doesn't burn out, it can remain a constant source of warmth. As long as you don't neglect it, it can last a very long, long time, Severus." She snuggled her head against his chest. "And I will always tend to you, just as you've tended to me."

Severus hoped in the long term he would not fail Hermione. As much as he loved her, he had little experience when it came to long-term commitments, since his first marriage was so short. He had only known Gabrielle for about two years before becoming a widower at twenty years old. He barely had spent an entire six months with Hermione in the entirety of their relationship, including his time when she only knew him as Calleo. The only thing that quelled his own deep fear was that he knew that they loved each other deeply, enough to forge a bond that defied convention and was inexplicable. It was their love that gave him faith that perhaps he could have decades of happiness with Hermione.

It was a cloudburst of pelting rain that woke them up, after they'd drifted off to sleep in the hammock as they watched the stars above. Severus cast a Parapluie Charm to shield them as they ran under the cabana for shelter. It was late, and neither had any idea how long they had been asleep. They packed away everything from their day trip, with the canvas-covered cabana packed last before they Apparated home.

Severus set the various items they collected away in his lab. Meanwhile, Hermione lit a few candles and began working on her scrolls for Albert, while everything was still fresh in her mind, including drawing a diagram of a sea urchin.

Kissing the top of her head, Severus said, "Don't stay up too late. Come to bed soon."

Hermione pressed her cheek against the back of his hand that was resting on her shoulder. "As soon as I've finished," she assured him. She smiled, knowing that if Severus was still her professor and she just a young student at Hogwarts, he would have demanded she stay up as late as necessary to properly finish her work, giving no pity regarding the late hour.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Yes, yes, Draco! This isn't the first time I have Portkeyed with a pregnant witch. I know what to do," Hermione said with great exasperation.

"But she's extra pregnant," Draco fretted.

"Versus a little bit pregnant?" Ginny ribbed her husband. "You are or you aren't. Besides, I'm not completely disabled, I can still walk."

Hermione placed a reassuring hand on Draco's arm that he could let go of his wife and let the two witches Portkey over to Honolulu for the day. "Don't worry, I will take very good care of her."

Halulu, who was one month further along than Ginny, chuckled to herself and rolled her eyes as she guided Hermione and Ginny over to the Portkey area. Shaking her head, she said, "Well, at least he cares enough to fret like a mother Kneazel."

Once the two witches Portkeyed away, Severus clapped a hand on Draco's shoulder. "How about a drink? I think you need it to calm your nerves."

Hermione and Ginny arrived in the Honolulu Portkey office, ready for a day of shopping and a long leisurely lunch between old friends.

Since it was almost lunch time, they decided to take a "Wiz-ped-cab." It looked just like the Muggle pedicabs that ferried people about the main drag of Kalakaua Avenue in the heart of Waikiki Beach, but it traveled much faster and took witches and wizards all over the island.

Stepping into the Wiz-ped-cab, Ginny asked, "Where do you recommend for lunch?"

The young wizard, who helped Ginny up, asked, "Muggle or wizard?" knowing that sometimes the tourists liked to be daring and mingle with the Muggles for a thrill.

"Oh, let's try wizard," Hermione suggested, knowing that once she moved to Hawaii, she and Ginny could try a Muggle one next time.

The wizard hopped on the bicycle attached to the front of the open-air cab and began peddling faster and faster, but the Wiz-ped-cab was going nowhere, despite the rapid speed in which his feet went around and around. Eventually, the wizard flipped a lever that looked like a bicycle gear control, and suddenly the Wiz-ped-cab lurched forward.

They were zipping through the streets of Honolulu so fast, they were observed by Muggles as nothing more than a gust of ocean breeze that ruffled the dresses of those it passed close by or dislodged the occasional Muggle's hat. As they approached their destination, the cab slowed down quickly to the point where it looked like any other pedicab delivering passengers to another restaurant. Though if the Muggles had noticed this particular pedicab, they would have asked how one made it high up onto the slopes of the mountains above Honolulu while towing passengers.

Hermione paid the driver, who gave him his card if they needed another ride when they were done with lunch.

Once seated for lunch at the Rikki Tikki Tavern, the two witches looked out at the expansive view from high up on the hillside of Honolulu and Waikiki Beach laid out before them, with Diamond Head in the far distance.

With a deep sigh, Hermione drank in the vista and said, "It's going to be hard to go back to London after a week in paradise."

"It's going to be hard on me. Just when I get my best friend back, you're gone again." Ginny gave a faltering smile as she rubbed her stomach absentmindedly.

"It's been almost surreal here. Like some wonderful dream I fear I'll wake up from, and I'll find myself back in my bed back in London, alone and hornier than ever," Hermione growled.

"Um, would you like to start off with some drinks?" the young wizard asked as he poured a couple glasses of water for the witches, his face a brilliant scarlet.

Hermione hid her face behind her hand, ducking her head down, embarrassed that that particular part of their conversation had been overheard.

"Yes, please," Ginny said brightly, trying not to laugh. "Can I get a half coconut water, half pineapple juice, with a splash of pumpkin juice for myself, and a Dragontini for my friend."

Once the young wizard was gone, Ginny laughed aloud. Hermione also eventually found humor in the incident and lightly chuckled at herself.

"So," Ginny began, her brows raised with amusement, "Severus had been looking progressively more happy and progressively more worn out as the week has gone on."

Hermione could not stop the broad grin from spreading across her face. "That makes two of us. If it wasn't for having to stop to do work for Lavender and Albert, I think I would have literally worn Severus down to a nub, and killed him with exhaustion after shagging him to death."

"Your drinks, Ma'am," the wizard squeaked, his voice cracking. His face was now even a more vivid shade of red, if that was possible.

Hermione didn't even look the flustered wizard in the eye, snatching the drink and taking a long sip to avoid looking at him. It was Ginny who thanked him, snorting as she tried not to burst into further whoops of laughter.

"I keep forgetting that I'm in public sometimes, and I can't speak so freely," Hermione said under her breath. "Ever since I won Severus and Draco their freedom, I can hardly walk down Diagon Alley without getting some sneer or disparaging comment cast my way."

"Yeah, when Draco and I were walking about shopping back in August, I did catch a few dirty glances thrown my way, but Draco would catch their eye and glare at them, and they'd shuffle off," Ginny volunteered. "We mostly stayed either at Malfoy Manor or Ron and Lavender's place, dealing mostly only with family and close friends. With my condition, Draco didn't want me out in public much to get hit with a revenge hex."

"I can certainly understand. After I divorced Ron, I had a mix of people either cursing at me or shaking my hand in thanks, but once winning their exoneration, I've had one or two close calls where people nearly pulled their wand on me. There were some Howlers too, two from Padma even. I swear, I only ever Floo between my flat, work, and Albert's place, and the monthly Potion masters' booze-up. At least the Potion masters and mistresses there have my back and support me." Hermione drained the last of her drink as she tipped the glass up, thinking maybe she should order a second one since she could barely feel the effects of the alcohol. "Now I can certainly empathize with Severus and Draco, and why they always skulked in full cloaks early in the morning before anyone is hardly up. And that time I saw Severus at Flourish and Blotts late one night, his hood was pulled up when I thought he was still Calleo. It seems the only time I do go out in public is to Flourish and Blotts, and that's shortly before they close and with my hood up completely as well."

Hermione waved at their waiter to bring over another drink. A second drink in her mitts, they finally ordered lunch.

Relaxing on the back porch of Chez Malfoy, after a couple of bowls of Vietnamese pho from Flo & Eddie's, Draco leaned forward to refill Severus' glass.

"So have you shown her the hot springs yet? Or have you both been so preoccupied you've forgotten?" Draco asked as he drained the last of the Ogden's Finest Quadruple Distilled Single Malt into his own glass. He had been saving the bottle for a special occasion since he brought it back in August, and this was as good as any time to kill it. Besides, it had been over a year since they had a proper booze-up.

"We went this morning for a sunrise soak, since Katrina woke us up before dawn." Severus yawned. "Pardon."

Draco waved it off, having been in Severus' shoes before: blissfully worn out from lots of sex.

Severus lifted his glass and took a sip, his limbs feeling quite heavy. "She had wanted to see the place there in daylight, after I took her there Friday night after dinner at Mario's." There was a long pause as Severus tried to remember what his next train of thought was; he was feeling quite listless and devoid of tension since he was on his fifth glass. "I proposed to her there on Christmas Eve, and though she said yes in a round-about way, she was quite frantic in her explanation of why we couldn't sooner as opposed to later."

"After the way that Molly terrorized and harangued Ginny and Hermione with wedding preparations, can you blame them? Even you said yourself that the night before her wedding to Weasley, you remembered what a harried mess she was, breaking down into tears once you gave her your honest answer to what you thought about her marrying Ron," he reminded his mentor.

Severus merely nodded to himself.

"Besides," Draco went on, "you know what an overachieving perfectionist she is," then stopped himself and added, "and I mean that in the most complimentary manner in that she's a witch who seeks to excel in everything she undertakes, which is why she is perfect for you. Matched bookends, you two are." Tilting his head back to enjoy the beautiful canopy of the tree above their heads that was shielding them from the sun, he added, "If I might be so bold, why not – when she is done with her apprenticeship, and the business is up and going and I can run it for a few weeks – elope with her?"

Severus rubbed the side of his face, which was feeling a little numb from the very fine and potent spirits he had been drinking. "Elope?"

Hermione did rave on about all the plans that would be made to have a wedding and all the hassle that would entail. Perhaps eloping with her would save her from all the bother and stress. With the Malfoys' own wedding, Ginny only had to make arrangements for the rings, a dress, flowers, and a brief meeting with Mounga where she and Draco discussed the ceremony. Draco had arranged the reception at Mario's originally, which the town subverted with the secret wedding luau feast.

Both Hermione and Severus had gone through the full traditional English wizard wedding,
both marriages ending in their own ways disastrously, and nobody happy with their spouses. Perhaps bucking convention by eloping would be the best thing for Hermione's sanity and thereby his as well. He loved Hermione, but he didn't think he could stand weeks of Hermione putting herself into a tizzy over a ceremony that lasted at most twenty minutes.

But even with eloping, that would mean he would have to schedule that any commissions he was working on were not burning while he was on his honeymoon. While it seemed grand to go off at the last minute spontaneously, he knew it would not be possible. Besides, Hermione would have to have Draco trained on running the business before they left, and that meant arranging things beforehand. But Severus could insist that they keep it as simple as possible, much in the same way the Malfoys had done.

Standing next to the curb, Hermione put her hand out and made the Shaka sign, a common hand gesture on the Hawaiian islands among Muggles and wizards alike. A few back on Malu Palekaiko had even waved at Severus using the odd gesture.

The Wiz-ped-cab – peddled by the same young wizard as before – came up curbside, Summoned by the hand gesture. "Ah, and how was lunch, ladies?"

"Excellent, thank you for the recommendation," Hermione said as she and the wizard helped Ginny up into the cab. Following Ginny, she hopped up herself, surprised she barely could feel the alcohol of the three drinks she'd sucked down during lunch.

"Where to now?" their driver and escort asked.

"I need to go shopping for some Muggle knives. Do you know any high-end cutlery stores?"

"Don't tell me you're going shopping for Potions equipment while on holiday," Ginny whined with exasperation as the Wiz-ped-cab zoomed off again.

"No, I'm going birthday shopping for Severus," Hermione retorted, leaning sideways and propping up Ginny with one hand as the Wiz-ped-cab made a sharp left turn.

"Only between two Potions boffins would the exchange of knives be considered an acceptable gift. I've heard the joke about the wizard who gave his wife knives and regretted it later," Ginny warned sarcastically. The Wiz-ped-cab driver was listening in on the conversation and started laughing, having heard that joke too.

"Well, I'm at a loss as to what else I can get him since his personal lab is outfitted with everything possible." Hermione harrumphed, wishing she could get something a bit more romantic than a fancy set of knives for Severus, but knowing he would still appreciate them.

As they pulled up to the large Muggle shopping center, the wizard directed them to a cookware store that would probably have what they were looking for. They found the store easily enough, especially since the name of the store was in large gold letters above the entrance.

Upon entering the store, Hermione was accosted by a floor salesperson wearing an apron, who offered to help her find anything.

"Yes, do you have ceramic knives?" Hermione asked politely.

"Oh, yes. Please follow me," the saleswoman indicated with a sweep of her arm.

"Ceramic? They make knives out of pottery now?" Ginny asked.

"No. It's these special knives from Japan. They bake a ceramic coating on the outside of the blade. They're hardier than even the best steel, and supposedly require sharpening far less often, if at all. My parents just bought a set, and I tried them out while helping my mum make Christmas dinner the weekend before I came here. I was very impressed. Only thing better is Goblin steel, and they only make swords and daggers, not knives suitable for our type of work." Hermione knew better than to commission a Goblin to make knives for Potions work, knowing they would consider it beneath themselves for such a task, no matter how many Galleons you offered them.

The Muggle sales associate tamped down a giggle, listening to the one woman ramble on about Goblin steel. No doubt this was one of those Dungeon & Dragons live role-playing nerds she had seen in the parks on weekends, playing about with their foam shields and bamboo katanas.

Ginny nodded, duly impressed that Muggles could make anything as good as what was commonly available for the wizarding population.

The two witches listened to the saleswoman ramble on with her marketing jargon and speak about the excellence of each blade and so on. Hermione could spot advertising fodder from a mile away, especially since her Aunt Christine was the specialist in marketing bullshit.

"That's all well and good, but may I try them before deciding?" Hermione asked, trying to cut to the chase. She wanted her decision to be based upon performance, not fancy adjectives pulled from an advertising hack's favorite thesaurus.

"Um..." The salesperson looked a bit lost. She had never been asked if a customer could try knives personally, even though the knives were displayed next to a nice butcher block cutting counter area that seemingly invited Hermione to give her knife skills a whirl.

"Look. There is a perfectly good cantaloupe. Bring it over here." Hermione instructed the hesitant clerk, looking over at the decorative fresh fruit display meant to show off a tall glass footed centerpiece bowl that was for sale. "I intend to purchase one of these sets, but until I can test them I can't decide which would be the best set to suit my needs."

"Okay, but let me talk to my manager first," she hemmed and hawed.

As she shuffled off, Hermione turned back to Ginny. "So, Severus wants to try Polyjuice Potion tonight. He says he got the idea after you and Draco in the honeymoon suite declined to go flying that time. Got any advice you can impart?"

Turning a very vivid shade of red, Ginny said, "Well, I didn't think he picked up on that, but I guess he did."

Ginny's back was beginning to kill her with this standing around. She would have conjured a chair, but they were out amongst the Muggles and she could not indulge in such instant gratification of her needs. Looking at another sales associate who was wandering about, she asked, "Can I get a chair to sit on while we wait for the manager?" She leaned over the butcher block table, pressing one hand to her back to add extra emphasis.

Turning back to Hermione, she advised, "For the fact you're both working with equipment neither of you are familiar with operating, start off like a novice. No fancy positions, start with the basics. Oh, and take a breath mint before you start kissing. Kissing someone with Polyjuice breath is almost as disgusting as swilling it." She stopped talking and thanked the woman who brought her a chair before continuing on. "And make sure he takes the lubrication potion after turning into you. For some reason, when my hair sample was snipped while under the potions effects, it didn't transfer to Draco very well, and he had to take another dose of the lubrication for it to properly work."

"Did you try a dose of Sequoia after you transformed?" asked, now really curious from an academic standpoint of the effect of potion effectiveness to transfer between bodies using Polyjuice Potion.

"Oh, yes," Ginny sighed dreamily, recalling that afternoon fondly. Hermione didn't have to ask how well it worked, based on the look on Ginny's face.

"And Draco tried the Sequoia, then you tried the Polyjuice using fresh samples?"

"Yes, but once again, not as potent. Almost negligible." Ginny stopped her line of conversation after noticing the manager mincing over towards the pair, an overly bright smile on her face.

Polishing off the last of the rum, Draco said, "Wow. Can Ginny and I book an afternoon with your Pensieve? After the children are born, of course."

Severus waved his hand, indicating that he would be as accommodating as possible. "Just ask, and I'll make myself scarce for however long you need. It's the least I can do after you conspired to bring Hermione here." Severus stared into his glass while trying to recall if he was drinking rum or bourbon, and wondering what else Draco had in his liquor cabinet. "Best fucking Christmas present ever," he said with a lopsided smile, gazing off into the distance.

"You have been fucking your Christmas present," Draco noted with a snort.

Severus was in such a good mood, even he laughed at Draco's observation of his Freudian slip. Also, it helped he hadn't been this drunk in a long time. For once he wasn't drinking to forget his troubles, but rather celebrating how good life was, a first.

"How many times have you used the Pensieve so far?" Draco asked.

"Three times. Speaking of unique experiences, I've noticed that you stopped commissioning me for Polyjuice since Ginny has been pregnant," Severus finally remembered.

"Well, I didn't feel like being the third wizard in recorded history to go through a male-pregnancy. So we stuck to days before we predicted Ginny would be ovulating. A prudent way to avoid complications."

"Yes, quite," Severus agreed. Too drunk for either of them to get up, Severus used a Summoning Charm to retrieve the bottle of pear brandy.

"Ooh, brandy," Draco said longingly, forgetting he had bought some when he was in England. "Which reminds me, have you used the Fairy Brandy yet?"

"No. Though when we do, I may have to cast a reinforcement charm on the bed beforehand."

Draco nodded in agreement. “Definitely. With that bottle you gave us, along with the fresh passion fruit juice, I swear..." He gave a hearty groan implying he was quite put out by the end of the Fairy Brandy's influence.

Exiting the store with bags in hand, and everything gift-wrapped, Hermione shook her head. "You'd think they'd never seen anyone competent with a knife wield one before."

"'Are you a sushi master?' That was a good one," Ginny said with an amused snort. "But, you having an audience of fifteen Muggles oohing and ahhing as you sliced that cantaloupe into pieces so thin you could read a paper through it – while even I'm impressed, it's not like I didn't believe it was possible. Then all those Muggles clamoring to buy sets of their own after watching you use those knives. Sometimes it amazes me that Muggles can dream up such fantastical things like space travel and go all the way to the moon, yet couldn't believe you could do that with just a knife."

Hermione silently agreed with Ginny, nodding her head as they continued walking through the mall to window-shop a bit before taking the Wiz-ped-cab back to the Honolulu Portkey office.

Arriving back at the Malu Palekaiko Portkey office, they stopped to chat with Halulu a bit, recommending the restaurant they went to and giving Halulu a brief description of shopping at the Muggle shopping mall. No doubt the island's witches were in need of a fresh infusion of more gossip on the island; the tale of Hermione thrilling the Muggles with her knife skills would be passed around quickly.

With their bags dropped off in the living room, Hermione followed Ginny into the kitchen. It was as the two witches were grabbing something cold to drink when they heard something strange. Well, to Hermione is sounded strange since she had never heard it before.

Opening the back door, they spotted Draco and Severus, each slumped into their respective chairs, drunk off their arses and laughing uncontrollably. It was a rather foreign sound to Ginny as well.

Draco spotted his wife, but only after he put a hand over one eye so he only saw one of her. He waved. "Oh, hi, darling. You're home!”

For some reason, the two wizards both found the phrase amusing and both began laughing again.

Severus nearly fell out of his chair as he tried to turn around to spy Hermione, who was behind him. "Oh... Hey..." For a second, he almost forgot her name, then suddenly remembered. Severus was so far gone, he nearly had trouble remembering his own name. "'Ermio-me, yeah, that's it."

Draco found this amusing as well and started laughing once more.

Hermione turned to look at Ginny, asking, "Is this a weekly occurrence?"

Ginny shook her head. "First time since we've been here they've done this. Not even after their yearly Victory Day sorrow drownings have I ever seen them this pissed. Nor this silly. What the hell did they drink?"

Severus and Draco both found this funny as well. They laughed so hard, both of them slid out of their chairs and laid sprawled out on the deck, on their backs, unable to move as the world spun about them.

Hermione looked at the number of bottles that were empty and divided that by the number of hours they were gone. She wondered if Rainbow had ever treated a wizard for alcohol poisoning or did a liver transplant before. Hermione was amazed at the amount of alcohol consumed, even when compared to what the other Potions masters drank at their monthly booze-ups.

Speaking out of the side of her mouth quietly enough so that only Ginny could hear, she advised from personal experience, "If you love him, give him the Hangover Relief Potion before you give him any Sobering Solution. That is, if you want to sober him up. Or you can just put him to bed with a bucket and let him enjoy it. And make sure the Hangover Relief is within arm's reach when he wakes."

Draco was oblivious to Ginny using a Mobilicorpus Spell to move him to the bedroom. Severus was not quite so oblivious, but he did think it was pretty darn amusing watching Draco float about, bobbing in mid-air. It was as Hermione lifted his body she noticed the half-finished bottle of Cheery's High Spirits Spirits. No doubt whoever Summoned that bottle didn't notice what they had. For the fact it wasn't the only bottle polished off explained that Severus and Draco were probably in the middle of drinking it when they came back home. No doubt they would have been even more far gone had they finished off the whole thing.

Ginny suggested Hermione use the Floo, but as Severus had locked the Floo back home and she couldn't get Severus to stop laughing when she asked him how to unlock it, she decided to Side-Along Apparate home with Severus instead.

As Hermione and Severus landed in the living room, that was the impetus for Severus to empty his stomach contents all over the floor. Hermione patiently held his hair back until he was done, conjuring a bucket for him in the middle of his ordeal. Once done, she went to his lab for the requisite potions to restore him back towards his sober and less giggly self.

================

A/N: Thank you to be talented, patient and hard working betas, JuneW and thegreyladies.

Hale is Hawaiian for home.
Ho'opika is Hawaiian for hospitality.

"A boffin is pretty much anyone who is into science in quite an intense way and carries this intensity as a defining characteristic of their personality. Professor Stephen Hawking is a boffin. David Attenborough is a boffin. Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, when he’s not dressed in his Flash costume, is a boffin as much as he is a nerd. Mad professors are boffins. The Doctor is a boffin. He’s not a nerd though, and clearly, by Time Lord standards, he’s nowhere near being a swot. Far too wayward for that."
http://www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia/2011/09/frasers-phrases-british-nerd-slang-swots-and-boffins/
- 106
- 107
- 108
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After