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To Have and To Hold	By : MontanaDan Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 67410 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
Author�s note: Please recall that in this fic, Sirius did not die (disappear through the Veil) in the Department of Mysteries. For argument�s sake, he was pulled back at the last minute � details not really relevant to the plot. Said plot seems to be twisting and morphing of its own accord and completely without my consent. That said, please note that the warning of rape has been changed to attempted rape.

See Chapter 1 for other warnings and disclaimer.

Thank you for all the lovely feedback. It is always inspirational and appreciated.

Chapter 11

Reservations

Harry stared with dread at his owl as she swooped into the Great Hall with the rest of the mail carrying owls during breakfast. She landed on the table before him and Harry swallowed nervously.

"What�s the matter, Harry?" Hermione whispered.

Hedwig dutifully held out her leg, her expectant gaze almost daring Harry NOT to take the scroll.

"It�s from Sirius," Harry grumbled. "I just know it is."

"So?" Ron wanted to know.

Harry glared at his best friend. "Sirius reads the Prophet."

Ron snorted around a bite of his sausage. "So?" he said again. "He knows it�s tripe."

Hermione nudged his arm. "Take it, Harry."

With a sigh, Harry removed the letter and offered Hedwig some bacon. Instead she poked her beak into his cup and drank her fill of juice before heading back to the owlery. Harry watched her go, turning the note in his hands.

Hermione poked him and he jumped. A quick glance at the head table showed Severus surreptitiously watching him. Severus lifted a brow in challenge and Harry quickly looked away before he started laughing.

Encouraged, Harry opened the scroll. It was indeed from his godfather.

Dear Harry,

I'll get straight to the point. I've heard that you are going out with Draco Malfoy. Let me know immediately if it's true or simply gossip. If it's gossip, don't worry, just ignore it. It could be worse; you could be linked with Snape. If it's true, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? Write me as soon as you can and let me know. Better yet, I�ll be there as soon as I can.

Sirius

PS: KEEP AWAY FROM MALFOY!

"Great, he�s coming," said Harry, dropping his head into his arms.

"What�s wrong with that?" Ron asked.

Harry lifted his head to look at his best friend incredulously. "Are you forgetting who I actually am having a relationship with?"

"Well, he doesn�t have to know that."

"He bloody well won�t know either," Harry said forcefully. "You are both sworn to secrecy. You know that, right?"

"Well, yes," Hermione said. "But Harry, surely you can tell Sirius."

"Are you nuts?" said Ron.

Harry waved the note. "Didn�t you read this? He�d go ballistic. No," Harry resolved." "It�s a secret from everyone, and I mean everyone." Harry looked at his friends. "Please promise you won�t tell, especially now. Dumbledore has some plan he�s cooking up and I don�t want anything to get complicated."

"Sure, mate," Ron said. "You know I�d never tell."

Harry nodded and looked to Hermione. But Hermione had picked up on the other part of his entreaty.

"Plan? What plan?"

Harry sighed. "I�m not sure of the details yet, but I�ll tell you when I know more," he said. "I swear. Okay?"

Hermione nodded and then looked around. The Hall was almost empty. "Oh, no!" she cried. "We�d better hurry. We�ll be late for Charms."

********

Severus waited just inside the door to his classroom. He would kill to know who had sent Harry the owl, although he could fancy a guess. The damnable mutt would likely have puppies at the very idea of his precious Harry with a Malfoy.

The students began filing in and Severus spied the Gryffindor trio rounding the turn to his room. A group of Slytherins converged on them. When the crowd dispersed, heading toward Severus, only two remained behind.

Harry and Draco.

Severus� jaw clenched as Draco grabbed a fist full of Harry�s robe and pulled him further aside, speaking strenuously. As the two began an earnest conversation, the other students continued to enter his room, but Severus could not take his eyes off the pair of young men.

He didn�t even notice Granger�s intense scrutiny of his own face as she dragged Weasley into the classroom.

"They�re just too attractive for their own good."

That comment got Severus� attention. He glanced up, glaring at the simpering teenager.

Another feminine sigh followed. "I know. It�s not fair."

"I think they look sweet together."

Severus could have ripped the tongue out of Miss Brown�s mouth.

"Sweet? Malfoy?" Parvati Patil snorted.

"You have to admit that they look good together."

"Well, yes," she grudgingly admitted. "But it�s more the contrast of their coloring than anything else." She smiled dreamily. "And you have to admit that anyone would look good with Harry."

Foolish female giggling followed.

Severus smirked. His Harry did have that affect. The smirk twisted into a frown. But it was a reminder that Harry could have anyone he wanted.

It�s fortunate then that you wants you.

Most fortunate.

*****

"Look, Potter. I�ve met him," Draco said. "Now I understand that he�s twisted. Just the look in his eye when he looks at me scares me to death. I can�t imagine what he�d do to you."

Harry looked away. "I can believe that."

"So tell me what been going on. Why the hell have you been down here all the time?"

"I told you and Zabini-"

"I know what you said - Remedial Potions. I�m not that stupid � and neither are you."

Harry nodded with a sigh. "That�s why I finally told Zabini that we were a couple."

"So what�s the real reason?"

Harry eyed Draco. It was make or break time. As much as he�d like to put off the inevitable, he knew he had to proceed. "Do you think I�d be able to kill the maniac without training?" he offered Draco.

"Snape�s been giving you extra training?" Draco looked surprised.

Harry opened his mouth but closed it again, remembering Severus� words. Only what they need to know. "Actually, a few of the professors have been training me," Harry said. "At Dumbledore�s insistence, of course."

Draco looked reflective. "Makes sense."

Harry studied him a moment. Just how much did Draco know? Harry wasn�t about to risk Severus� position with Voldemort for Draco. "I only told Zabini I was seeing you to shut him up," Harry said. "I didn�t expect any of this to happen."

Draco looked at him suspiciously. "You didn�t know the Dark Lord wanted me to get close to you?"

Harry snorted. "How could I have known that?" Harry watched Draco pace some more. He seemed unsure. That, on top of how much information he was divulging, spoke volumes of his loyalty.

"So do you think you�re ready yet?" Draco wanted to know. "To, you know, defeat him?"

"I don�t know." At least the subject was diverted from the amount of time Harry spent in the dungeons.

"Well, my father is very close to finding out where the hidden castle is."

"Really?" More information? Either the Malfoys were desperate or this was one hell-of-a trap.

"Yes. Once he finds out for sure, I�m positive he�s going to tell Dumbledore and then they have to move fast."

So that�s what Lucius� task had been. Harry shook his head. "This is unbelievable."

"What is?"

"You � your father on our side."

Draco sighed. "My father told me once that the Dark Lord could have been great. He had vision, and the potential of being a great leader. But now, he�s just a twisted shadow of a man. He�s just as powerful but there is no logic or goal to his aspirations. He wants revenge. And not just on you Potter. Once you�re dead the whole world is going to suffer."

"What about you?"

"Me?" Draco looked surprised. "I�m already rich, handsome and from a powerful family. Who needs a raving lunatic messing up all that?"

Now that Harry could buy. "Alright Malfoy. So we need to buy time. What do you suggest?" Time was good. Harry wanted more time himself. For now he would just play along.

"Well," Draco speculated and began to pace. "Nothing too drastic. We could stage a lover�s spat, in public, just to confirm the rumors on all fronts. We can do some arguing. We have that down to a science."

Harry agreed with a thoughtful nod.

"I see where you�re going. Yeah. That�s a good idea. You don�t have any current � association � who might not be interested in seeing you and me together?" Harry asked.

"Association? That�s rather impersonal isn�t it? But no, I�m not seeing anyone right now, and even if I were, it wouldn�t be exclusive."

Harry suppressed his laugh. No, Draco Malfoy didn�t date anyone exclusively. "OK, Malfoy, what do you want me to do?"

"Just meet me outside the Hall before dinner."

*********

By the time Harry got to the Hall that evening, his stomach was in knots. Things were moving so fast now, or so it seemed. More people were involved and there was an actual strategy underway.

Harry had done a lot of thinking during the day and he�d decided that between Draco conferring with Harry and Lucius plotting with Severus that their plight had to be genuine. He still didn�t trust either of them to any degree, but Dumbledore was a pretty good judge of character. He would not have deemed them worthy of the Order�s time, if there wasn�t some sort of benefit to the cause.

So Harry would do his part. The only problem was that he had a feeling that things were going to start happening quickly.

He was finally happy, had someone to care about and he had to worry about Voldemort � again. It just wasn�t fair.

"Potter?"

Harry spun around as Malfoy strode up to him. He glanced around the foyer, noting that they were alone. He inclined his head. "Malfoy."

"Are you ready?"

Harry swallowed and nodded. "What do you want me to do?"

"For starters, stop looking as if you inhaled a Dread Potion," Malfoy said. "It�ll be fine. Trust me."

Harry snorted. Well, he guessed he could try. "Sure. So what�s the plan?"

"Just stalk in there like you�re mad at the world."

"That doesn�t sound too hard," Harry said, unable to hide his bitterness.

Malfoy actually grinned. "Just follow my lead."

Harry nodded. "That�s it?"

"Yes," Malfoy said confidently. "Even you can�t botch that up."

"Thanks," Harry replied.

Malfoy crossed his arms and waited. Harry eyed him then turned to face the door. It really wasn�t much of a plan, but if Malfoy was just going to pick a fight with him, then he guessed he could just improvise.

Harry prepared his expression, #2 of course, and then stormed into the Great Hall.

As he wasn�t sure what to expect, he just continued his angry trek towards the Gryffindor table. It wasn�t long before Malfoys voice rose behind him.

"Don�t walk away from me, Potter."

Harry turned to the voice as Malfoy stalked towards him. Draco looked madder than hell, his whole body reverberating with anger. Harry took a moment to remind himself that this was an act. He�d really have to compliment Malfoy on that look.

"I wasn�t finished talking to you," Draco growled.

Harry scowled. "I have nothing else to say to you," he said.

"Good." Malfoy stopped in front of him. "Because there is only one thing left to say."

Harry dropped his bag and crossed his arms, glaring for all he was worth. "And what�s that?"

"You�re mine," Draco said, emphasizing his point by jabbing Harry in the chest.

Harry almost laughed. He moved his hands to his hips and tilted his head, one brow rising. "Really?"

Whatever Harry expected Draco to say, he didn�t. Malfoy reached out, took a firm hold on both sides of Harry�s face and crushed their mouths together.

Harry first reaction was to shove him away, but he quickly recalled that they were supposed to be together. A not unpleasant tingle went through him when he felt Draco�s tongue brushing against his own and he relaxed into the kiss, letting Draco taste his fill.

When Draco released him and took a step back, Harry had to suck in a breath for air.

Malfoy jabbed him in the chest again. "Remember that," he declared, then he spun around and left the Hall.

Harry put his hand over his poked chest and watched him leave, feeling bemused. As kisses went, it was definitely noteworthy. He didn�t have a chance to react though.

"What in Merlin�s name is going on?"

Harry flinched at the familiar bellow.

"Now, Sirius, let�s take this to my office, shall we?" Dumbledore said.

Harry vaguely heard the noise level of the Great Hall explode with noise as he was dragged out.

Across the hall, furious blue eyes followed Harry out. Blaise Zabini�s fists were clenched tightly and his jaw locked as shudders of rage swept through him.

"Not this time," he swore.

*********

Harry sat in the chair in Dumbledore�s office, silent but fuming as the argument proceeded around him and without him.

Sirius, whose concern for Harry was genuine and appreciated, was also overwhelming to the point of over-protective. And he simply would not accept the fact that the Malfoys (with the exception of Narcissa) had decided to switch sides. Despite Dumbledore�s assurance that he had �unmitigated proof and guarantees�, Sirius would not be convinced that the Malfoys were anything other than evil incarnate.

Harry had let the conversation blur around him, wallowing in the fact that Sirius still treated him like a child at times.

"Black," Severus� voice rose and immediately captured Harry�s attention. "Malfoy aside, what possible concern is it to you who Potter beds?"

Sirius� chin went up indignantly. "It is of paramount concern to me, Snape," he snarled. "I happen to care what happens to my godson. For all we know this could be a plot by Voldemort."

Harry couldn�t help his smirk. It was a plot by Voldemort. Harry wondered if they were going to tell Sirius that it was all staged. All these half-truths that were flying around were making him dizzy.

"It could be," Severus allowed. "But don�t you think he�s old enough to-"

"He�s 17," Sirius snapped. "Do you remember being 17?"

"So, you don�t think Potter has the maturity-"

"This has nothing to do with maturity," said Sirius. "It�s hormones."

"And you don�t think Potter can see past that?"

Sirius sent Harry an apologetic look. "No offense, Harry, but I remember being 17 and wanting to shag anything that moves," Sirius said. "Just because the greasy slimeball couldn�t get laid, doesn�t mean you have to settle."

Severus shot to his feet. "I�ll have you know-"

"Gentlemen," the Headmaster interjected.

"Truth hurts, doesn�t it, Snivellus?"

Harry groaned.

"We aren�t discussing my love life, Black," Severus said through his teeth.

"No that would be a short � and boring � conversation anyway," quipped Sirius.

Harry slowly stood up. This was getting them nowhere. "Sirius," he began.

Sirius turned his attention to Harry. "I�m sorry, Harry. I�m just concerned." He turned back to Severus. "I want him to make the right choices."

Severus snorted. "Choices?" he scoffed. "When do you ever let Potter make his own decisions?"

Sirius bristled. "Why don�t you keep your nose, as big as it is, out of this," he said. "It�s none of your business anyway."

"It�s none of yours, either," Severus shot back. "The brat is-"

"I�m his godfather."

"Who is more absent than-"

"I have more right than you do," Sirius insisted. "You on the other hand-"

"You bought him a woman � it almost scarred him for life," Severus said with a sneer. "How is that beneficial in any way?"

Harry groaned. Bugger.

Sirius� mouth was hanging open. "What?"

Harry had never seen Severus look flustered before.

"How did you-" Sirius turned to Harry. "How did he know that?"

Harry sighed, his mind racing. "He teaches me Occlumency, remember," Harry said. "And does any of this really matter?"

Severus grunted and settled back into his chair.

"Harry," Sirius said.

Harry held up his hand. "Look, I�m really glad you�re worried about me, but I�m fine. I�m not sleeping with Malfoy. I�m not going to let him trick me into anything."

"And what about-"

"He�s just that type of person," Harry said. "He�s using the rumors to draw attention to himself."

Sirius blinked. "So none of the rumors are actually true."

Harry sent a glance to Severus, whose expression was unreadable, then to Dumbledore, who shook his head ever so slightly. So Sirius was not going to be let in on the whole plan. Harry didn�t know whether to be angry or pleased.

He fixed his mask and sighed. "No, Sirius, they�re not true."

Sirius let out a frustrated growl. "Well why didn�t you just say that!"

"He did, Black," muttered Severus. "You were just too far into one of your idiotic rants to listen."

"Snape, I swear-"

"Sirius," said Dumbledore. He turned to Harry. "Why don�t you run along to your common room now. I�m sure you have studying to do. NEWTs will be here before you know it."

Harry looked at Dumbledore�s innocent expression. "But-"

"I�m sure you will see Sirius again soon," Dumbledore said. "I need to speak with him."

Harry nodded and moved to his godfather. Sirius embraced him tightly.

"Everything will work out fine," Sirius promised, holding him by the shoulders. "You�ll see."

Harry nodded again and turned, glancing at Severus briefly. Severus rolled his eyes and Harry repressed his snort of laughter.

Harry rushed up to the tower, intent on one thing only, returning to the dungeons to see Severus. For some reason, he wasn�t going to be able to function if he didn�t speak to Severus, feel Severus� arms around him, melt into his kisses.

But when he entered the common room, he was converged upon.

"What happened?"

"Was it terrible, mate?"

Harry didn�t stop his progress to the dorm. Unfortunately, his friends followed.

"You said you were going to tell us about the plan." Hermione was frowning at him.

"We didn�t discuss the plan," Harry grumbled, stowing his pack. "Just my sex life."

Ron made a face. "That sounds horrible."

"It was," Harry agreed.

"But you said you tell us about the plan," Hermione was at it again. "What is it?" she asked. "Is it to defeat Voldemort?"

Harry dismissed it, rummaging in his trunk. "Sort of."

"That�s good," said Ron. "That there�s a plan, that is."

"I guess." Harry shrugged, pulling out his cloak.

Ron grinned. "You got it back," he said, touching the soft material.

"Yeah," Harry said, happy for the change in the subject. He did not want to think about the plan. He didn�t want to think about Voldemort or the prophecy. He just wanted to get to Severus right now.

"So are you going to tell us?" Hermione sounded annoyed now.

"Maybe later," Harry told her, swinging the cloak around his shoulders. "I need to go see Severus now."

"What about Malfoy?" Ron asked, looking as confused as he sounded.

"Oh, Ron, don�t be dense," Hermione chastised him. "That was a cover up, wasn�t it, Harry?"

"Yeah," Harry confirmed. He didn�t want to explain the whole thing now. "I have to go. I�ll see you guys later."

Concealing the rest of his body with the cloak, he left before they could stop him. He really should want to spend some time with them, his friends, as well before the end, but now all he could think about was Severus.

He made it to the dungeons quickly and circumnavigated a group of Slytherins congregating outside their common room entrance. When he got to Severus� office, he stealthily entered, feeling the wards tingle around him as they allowed him entrance.

It still made him grin that Severus trusted him to come and go within his rooms. He hoped Severus had returned from Dumbledore�s office all ready. He didn�t think he could wait-

Harry barely had the cloak completely off when he was grabbed and pulled into a familiar embrace. Strong lips descended on his own and Harry melted into the arms that clutched him. Severus� tongue invaded his mouth and swiftly commandeered all thoughts of anything other than Severus� talented lips.

The mouth finally released Harry�s allowing him to breathe but didn�t leave his face. Severus moved kisses and bites across his cheek and around his jaw.

"I don�t like him kissing you," Severus said against his throat.

A thrill shot through Harry�s chest. "It was his idea," he murmured, still breathless from the kiss. "Just for show."

"The whole thing was staged?"

"Yes." Harry gasped as Severus bit down on that spot on his neck that Severus loved. The one that made Harry�s knees weak. "I thought it was pretty realistic."

Severus lifted his head to smirk down on Harry. "Yes, it was very dramatic. Merlin save me from adolescent theatrics."

"Didn�t you know?"

"No, Draco did not consult with me regarding his actions."

Harry sighed, running his fingers through Severus� hair. "Well at least we bought some time. Vol-the Dark Lord thinks Draco�s doing his job and his father has time to do his thing."

"So you know about that?"

"Yes, from what I overheard between you and Lucius Malfoy. Draco filled me in on the rest," Harry said, pressing his body against Severus� to distract him. He didn�t want to talk about the plan right now.

Severus nodded, his hands traveling down Harry�s back to cup his buttocks and pull him closer. "And did you like it?" he asked.

"Like what?" Harry replied, nuzzling his nose behind Severus� ear. He pressed a kiss on the sensitive skin there. "Why are we still talking?"

"Kissing Draco?"

Harry pulled back and looked up at him. Oh, yeah, jealous and possessive. "Well, it wasn�t bad," he admitted, but continued to reassure Severus. "He has had so much more practice than me." He couldn�t help the dig.

That got the smirk. "Really? Perhaps you do need more practice."

Harry smiled. "Know anyone who could help?" He trailed a finger gently down the side of Severus� face. "Professor, sir?"

"Indeed," Severus replied, his voice rough as he crushed his mouth over Harry�s again.

*******

You really should learn to contain your possessiveness.

Severus continued to back Harry into the bedroom, his mouth never leaving the tender skin of Harry face. Between the two of them, their clothes had never come off so fast.

By the time Harry was splayed out beneath him, Severus thought he would die if he wasn�t buried deep within the body of his lover soon. After a quick preparation, Severus found himself fully sheathed in the tight channel. He paused to breathe and looked down at Harry�s tensed form.

Head thrown back, fist clenched in the sheets, muscles locked, chest heaving, the perfect picture of passion.

"Harry," Severus whispered.

Harry opened his eyes. Fire lit them. "Move damn it."

Severus closed his eyes, thankful that he hadn�t hurt Harry in his haste.

Harry�s tougher than that.

"Sev, please," Harry rasped, reaching for Severus� face.

Severus groaned and pulled almost all the way out, then slammed in again. Harry gasped. Severus took hold of Harry�s legs and pressed his knees to his chest as he thrust back in again.

Harry arched and continued to make delicious keening noises while Severus pounded into him. Severus knew he wouldn�t last long. He slid a hand between them and grasped Harry�s swollen cock. Barely touching the tip, Harry�s body tensed and he came, shouting out Severus� name.

Severus came moments later, growling Harry�s name into his mouth amidst a fierce kiss. When they had slumped together into an entwined mass of sated limbs, Severus tightened his arms around Harry.

"Why did you stop?" Harry asked, draping an arm over Severus chest. "I mean, after you were in me. You sort of froze."

"I lost control," Severus admitted. "I thought I had hurt you."

"Oh." Harry was quiet for a moment. "I liked it."

Severus smirked, running a hand over Harry�s already messed up hair. "It was rougher than you�re used to."

"I still liked it." Harry pushed up to look down on Severus. "I know you wouldn�t do anything to purposely hurt me."

Severus nodded. "I don�t want to do anything that accidentally hurts you either."

Harry sighed and laid his head back down. "I�m pretty tough you know," he murmured.

"I know, Harry," Severus said with a sigh. "I know."

*********

Severus must have dozed off, because as he awoke he became aware of the smooth body rubbing against his side. One leg hooked around his knee and a very firm erection rubbed persistently against his thigh.

"If you�re going to rut on me, at least shift a little so I can enjoy it as well."

Harry laughed softly and moved until he was situated between Severus� thighs, cradled between his hips.

"Better?" As Harry continued to rock, his face buried in Severus� neck as he kissed and bit the smooth skin.

"That is less unbearable."

A double negative? Are you trying to confuse the poor lad?

Severus ignored the voice, relaxing as Harry�s sensual movements over his skin swept him into pleasure. Harry�s hands and mouth were moving over his chest and neck, sending delightful surges of stimulation to his slowly reawakening cock.

"Severus," Harry whispered, licking one of Severus already pebbled nipples. "Can I?

"May I," Severus corrected.

Harry�s head lifted and he peered down with a bright smile. "May I?" he asked with hope.

Severus stared at Harry for a moment, until he realized what he was asking. His mouth opened slightly then closed, unsure whether he could actually handle the physical and mental trust � confidence of Harry topping.

"Never mind," said Harry with a sigh.

"Harry-"

Harry reached between them, taking both their swollen erections in his hand and taking the words out of Severus brain. Stroking them together, their skin rubbing together as one against Harry�s callused palm, causing sinful friction.

Severus helplessly thrust up into the tight confines of their combined heat. Harry squeezed and stroked taking them both further towards the precept of pleasure.

By Merlin, where did he learn that?

Pulling Harry�s head down, Severus engulfed Harry�s lips, sweeping his tongue into the sweet wetness. The kiss became impassioned, as they thrust together into Harry�s hands until soon they were panting into each other�s mouths.

They peaked together, with a unison cry of fulfillment.

When their breathing had returned to normal, Harry nestled on Severus�s chest again, his fingers sliding through Severus�s hair. Harry�d been doing that a lot lately.

He noticed how clean it is, you dolt.

Severus smiled at the thought. Harry would never say anything, but he noticed � and appreciated it.

"You don�t trust me," Harry said quietly.

Severus sighed. "What?"

"You don�t trust me enough to do it to you."

Just explain it to him.

"Trust has nothing to do with it."

"Doesn�t it?" Harry sat up, throwing his legs over the side of his bed.

"There is no need for dramatics," Severus sighed, rolling over to watch Harry dress.

Harry got up and found his pants. "Why not? If I were more experienced-"

Severus frowned, puzzled. "What are you going on about?"

"You brought it up to Sirius. About how he had to buy me a woman."

And it had felt so good.

"Is that what this about? Your godfather? I assure you I was acting rashly, as I tend to do around him, out of anger. You covered my loss of composure quite well by the way."

That took a bit of swallowed pride to admit.

"But it bothers you," Harry went on, reaching for his shirt. "My inexperience. I don�t blame you."

I thought we had gone past this stage of the insecure stage.

Severus frowned. They had. There was something else here, something bothering Harry to the point that he felt the need to run.

Severus reached out, grabbed Harry and pulled him back onto the bed. He shifted them until he was leaning over Harry, his hands instinctively running over his lover�s chest. "Let me explain something to you. It has nothing to do with you, or us for that matter. It�s simply that some experiences in my past were � unpleasant."

"Someone hurt you?"

"Yes." At Harry�s horrified look, Severus went on. "Which is why I am particularly careful with you." Harry nodded mutely. "I�m simply not ready to reacquaint myself that particular experience. It isn�t personal, Harry."

Harry was breathless when he quietly said, "I�m sorry."

Severus gave an exasperated sigh. "Potter, what did I tell you about apologizing for others?"

Harry averted his eyes. "I�m sorry for being such a git about it. I just wanted-"

Severus pulled his face up. "You are young, inexperienced and want to try everything."

"Only with you," he whispered.

Severus smiled softly. "I did tell you I would show you everything. We�ve only skimmed the surface."

"Really?" At Severus� nod, Harry added, "What about that?"

Severus smirked. "Yes, Harry, eventually I will bottom for you."

The a combination of innocence, hope and awe on Harry�s face coupled with his current debauched state sent a wave of need through Severus again.

The brat�s addictive.

"Idiot," Severus growled. "Now I have to undress you again."

*********

Severus watched Harry wander about the room, relocating his clothes again. It was very late now, later than they had ever lingered together before. Severus couldn�t find fault with it though, although he still had a suspicion that Harry was hiding something from him.

He hasn�t asked what happened in Dumbledore�s office after he left.

He hadn�t. He hadn�t asked for details about Lucius� defection and Draco�s involvement either. He was showing a very un-characteristic lack of curiosity for the entire proceedings. Didn�t he want to know about�

"The plan," Severus said out loud.

Harry�s head jerked around. "What about it?"

"Don�t you want to hear more about it?"

Harry turned away. "No."

Definitely something wrong.

"You don�t want to know?" Severus asked, sitting up in bed and pulling a robe around him.

Harry shrugged.

Severus stood up, pulled Harry close and held up his chin. "Harry, what is really bothering you?"

"Nothing."

Severus lifted an eyebrow. "Don�t you want to know what�s expected of you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just because."

By Merlin!

"Harry."

Harry pushed out of Severus� arms and moved away. "Because I�m scared alright. Happy now?"

Severus sighed. "It�s perfectly natural to be scared."

Harry was silent but shook his head slowly as he stared at the floor.

"I�ll be there and Lucius will be there."

Harry snorted. "Lucius," he muttered.

"I know you still may doubt him, Harry," Severus assured. "But he is sincere. You know Dumbledore trusts him." Harry nodded, but Severus went on, "And as he is a very powerful wizard. He will be an asset once the Aurors arrive at the scene with Dumbledore."

"And how am I supposed to kill him?" Harry asked, but he sounded bored, as if he were just asking the appropriate questions.

Severus studied the tense stance carefully. "We have several theoretical methods which could work."

Harry snorted again. "Provided he doesn�t strike me down as soon as he sees me."

"You will have your shields up, Harry. You are strong enough to repel-"

"Yeah, yeah. I get it."

"So what�s the problem?" Severus tried his best to sound patient. But he felt like he would wring the brat�s neck if he didn�t spit it out soon.

"Nothing. Sounds great."

He moved toward the door, his expression blank.

OK. Now I�m scared.

Severus intercepted him and pulled him into his arms. "What? No kiss goodbye?"

Harry made a choking sound and started to tremble. Severus pulled his chin up again and had to catch his breath.

Such pain, such fear.

"Talk to me, Harry," he implored.

"Don�t you get it?"

"Tell me."

"I�m scared."

"I know. It�s alright."

"No it�s not."

"Harry-"

"I don�t want to die."

"Of course not. I don�t want you to die either."

Harry pulled away in frustration.

"Tell me, Harry."

"I can�t do it. Don�t you see? Don�t you understand? I had already accepted that I wouldn�t live through it. I accepted it! But now I have something to live for. And � I - don�t � want � to � die!"

You did it!

Severus smiled. "Good."

Harry looked up and blinked. "What?"

"Potter, have I taught you nothing? Attitude is everything. If you go to face the Dark Lord expecting to die, then he�s already won even if you kill him. Wanting to live, fighting to live is the edge you need to defeat him."

"What?" Harry looked gobsmacked. "You�re saying I have more of a chance of beating him now?"

"Of course. Necessity is the mother of invention, they say. The mind struggling to survive will provide the resources you need to keep going."

"So in all my little brushes with death, it wasn�t luck that saved me?"

Severus smirked. "You do have to admit, you�ve had your share of that. But don�t you think you were quicker, more clever, more resourceful during those times?"

Harry looked thoughtful. "I guess."

"You guess?" Severus challenged.

Harry�s chin inched up. "No. I was."

Severus couldn�t help smiling. "Better."

Harry draped his arms over Severus� shoulders and leaned up to kiss him. "So what exactly is the plan?"

That�s more like it.

"How much did you overhear and how much did Draco tell you?"

Harry sighed and moved away from Severus to pace. "After we passed the �we both hate each other but we have to trust each other so we can work together� nonsense, I told him that you were training me in Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Oh?"

"He didn�t buy the Remedial Potions excuses," Harry explained.

"And," Severus prompted.

"He looked surprised at first," Harry told him. "But then he seemed to accept it as if it made sense."

Very good. Quell Draco�s theory if he did have any speculation that anything unsavory was going on.

The last thing Severus needed was for Lucius to find out. Not that Severus feared that Lucius would inform the Dark Lord. At this point, that possibility was unfounded, especially since Lucius had known Severus had been a spy all this time. No, what Severus feared was what Lucius could do with the information if he was certain that Severus was involved with The-Boy-Who-Lived.

Severus nodded. "What else?"

Harry shrugged. "That�s all he needed to know," Harry said. "He didn�t ask so I said nothing."

"You�re learning."

Harry returned to Severus and wrapped his arms around his neck. "I have an exceptional teacher."

Severus lifted a brow. "Flattery, Mr. Potter?"

"Is it working?" Harry asked with a unabashed grin.

"Perhaps," Severus murmured. "Depends on your objective."

Pressing against Severus, Harry looked up through his lashes. "More kisses?" he suggested.

Does he even know how tempting he is?

Severus didn�t even try to resist the temptation as he lowered his head, melding their mouths again in a firm, passionate kiss. He broke the kiss shortly, though, holding him again by the shoulders.

"As delicious as your mouth is, Mr. Potter," Severus said lightly. "You really must go."

Harry nodded resignedly. Severus released him and Harry moved to the door. He turned, one hand on the knob.

"Oh, one more thing."

"Yes?" Severus inquired.

"Does Sirius know about the plan?"

Severus forced his expression to remain calm and controlled. "No. The Headmaster decided not to inform him of the details until he is needed."

Harry nodded reflectively. "That�s probably for the best," Harry murmured.

Severus watched Harry leave and couldn�t help the smile that grew on his face.

Harry was becoming a very impressive individual.

Magnificent.

"Indeed," Severus muttered, moving to the bathroom to clean up and return to bed.

***********

Harry had a lot to think about. His mind turned over the events of the day as he moved through the dungeons. The plan didn�t seem so imposing now that his fears were allayed. The way Severus had painted it, it made him more likely to succeed now that he had something to live for. Now that he had Severus.

Now that he had love.

Harry stopped. The realization grabbing him as fiercely as Severus� arms had earlier. He loved Severus. He smiled.

He wanted to shout it out from the Astronomy Tower. He, Harry bloody Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived had finally found love. He loved Severus Snape.

Of course, he couldn�t do that. He snickered. No, instead he had to sneak-

Harry stopped again. Bugger. He had forgotten his Cloak again. Damn Severus for being so distracting, and for being such a good kisser.

The spell hit Harry before he could take another step. All his muscles locked up and he fell over, as stiff as a board.
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To Have and To Hold