MST: Oh! You said Snape! I thought you said Snake!

>>Nagini was moving closer to him.

Sirius: I’m afraid it’s time to give back some loving’.
Lucius: What the hell do you mean?
Severus: You know: doesn\'t give and take mean give-take, give-take, give-take, give-take, give-take… if you get my point…
Sirius: It means you took… now you’ll have to…
Lucius: GIVE?! What do you give a snake?
Severus: That’s a good question… hum…
Sirius: You could give it a kiss.
Lucius: No shit, Einstein.
Sirius: At least that’s a sure thing. What do you suggest?
Lucius: Killing it seemed all right to me… but what do I know?
Severus: *having a lookad* ad* Nothing.
Lucius: There’s no need to be so nasty…
Severus: Yes, there is. I’m unwillingly locked in here, MSTing a fic…
Lucius: What’s MSTing? Are we doing it? How can I be doing it without knowing what it is?
Sirius: *whispers in Lucius’ ear*
Lucius: Oh, this is it? You could have said it before!
Severus: …for the second time in a day, instead of having…
Sirius: …giving…
Severus: …giving a most deserved shag. Never in my life have I felt such a great urge to be nasty (A/N: blame Noel Coward and Alan Rickman in Private Lives for this)
Sirius: *eyes glinting* You mean you miss our fuck as well? I knew you’d get around to admitting it, sometime! *happy dance coming through* But you know we can still have that shag!
Severus: Privacy, Sirius, privacy.
Lucius: You’re not shagging anyone in front of me, you horny bitch.
Sirius: What? Poor Lucy deatheaterkins is too sensitive to watch a sexual intercourse without any actual bloodspilling?
Lucius: You’re men.
Sirius: So are you. *giving it a thought* Aren’t you?
Lucius: *deep, offended breath* Yes. A heterosexual easily squicked by the mental image of two bitches. Get it or do you need…
Sirius: *banging that closet door closed and handing the key to Severus* For fuck’s sake, I think we’re beyond the prudish behaviour point. *glares, in his best werewolf-jesting manner*
Lucius: *cowering slightly* Ok…but save the shag for later, will you? At least till we end this abomination disguised as literature?
Severus: *interrupting* Nice thing that you mention it, ‘cos there’s still a long way to go till we end it – *long* is the keyword for fic you’s next experiment, Lucius – and there’ll be *glaring at Sirius* no shag until then.
Sirius: *throwing his hands at his head* Am I the only one here that gets turned on by the idea of watching a slash shag without actually getting involved in it?
Both: Yes. *the authors, Slash_Grievances’ members and assorted readers heartily disagree*
Sirius: *quickly starts thinking of a way of making them see the light*

>oldeoldemort!\" He weakly cried as the snake moved around him.

Severus: Now, that’s clever! Call Voldemort for help! *rolls on floor laughing*

>>\"Anyone! Help! Please, help me!\" But no one came.

Sirius: Except Lucius… a couple of times, I must say…

>>The Dark Lord must heam, hm, he thought frantically. He must!

Sirius: Hear him? Yes.
Severus: Care? No.

>>Something cold and soft immediately touched him just above his pubic triangle.

Sirius: Soon to be called Pubic Bermuda Triangle – given the kind of species that visit the place…
Severus: They go in… and never come out again.
Sirius: It’s a mystery, really: strange creatures seem to have an unspeakable attraction for the infamous triangle. What they don’t realize is that it is a deadly pit.

>>He looked down and saw with horror the snake with its narrow head hiss at him, its body now moving back toward Lucius.

Severus: Its founder is known to be one of the once All Powerful Lord Voldemort’s followers.
Sirius: He’s said to be…
Lucius: …going crazy, locked away in a dungeon with two horny dogs…
Severus: …no, that would be Sirius…

>>With another hiss, Nagini wrapped her body around Lucius\' waist, and again slithered downwards towards his aching cock.

Lucius: …intent on torturing him for God knows what reason…
Sirius: Try having a look at the history of your life.
Lucius: …unless they think it’s awfully wrong to dislike muggles…
Severus: …nice one. Now try: ruthless murderer…
Lucius: …and not to pay as many taxes as I should, as if people don’t do that all the time, …

>>However, the snake was no longer interested in the erect flesh. The tail end of Nagini curved around Lucius\' dick while the body continued its way down,

Sirius: …also nice, now try: being a death eater…
Lucius: *surprised* What about that?
Sirius: What, you think that’s good?
Severus: *bored* *sigh*
Lucius: Why would I think it’s bad?
Sirius: *very slowly, as if talking to a child* Death Eaters are nasty…
Severus: *to himself* That’s bad?!
Lucius: So is 97% of the world’s population.
Sirius: They torture people…
Lucius: *waving it away* Oh, not me, I spent three years perfecting my Avada Kedavra. I’m an adept of swift, painless deaths.
Sirius: I feel so much better now…they kill people…
Severus: *muttering to himself* So do you, when you have a werewolf at hand…
Sirius: What was that?
Severus: Nothing.
Lucius: So do broomstick crashes, and…
Severus: *looking ahead* Wow!
Both: *eyeing him. Lucius is quivering* What?

>>wrapping itself around his balls. The head continued further downwards.

Severus: *looking up* Oh…nothing. You can go on…*back to the fic* Mother of God…
Lucius: *to Sirius, still with an eye on Severus* And people don’t stop flying them! By the way, I recall a certain flying motorbike whose owner didn’t care much about the lives of other people when he flew in it…
Sirius: *blush* That’s beyond the point. They kill people for the sole reason that they’re Muggles…
Lucius: And…? *genuinely surprised* Why is that bad?
Sirius: You don’t think that’s bad?
Lucius: *shakes head, surprised*
Sirius: O…k… just let it go. Severus, read on. *shrugs*
Severus: You give up too easily. I like lovers who can go on and on.
Sirius: Along with your word, isn’t it? *pouts* Move on.
Lucius: *still surprised*

>>The muscles of the snake were now stroking his cock into expert hardness.

Sirius: *laughs*
Lucius: If you can’t be supportive at least don’t make it so pleasant for yourself!
Sirius: *serious face* I’m searching for supportive things, I am! But I’m coming up all bras, so… something slightly manlier (Severus: Ha!)… think of me as that!
Lucius: So not helping…

>>He felt this latest humiliation,

Sirius: Don’t you mean masturbation?

>>but realized he was powerless to do anything about it. He couldn\'t move or dislodge the reptile. Lucius clung to the chains, now sobbing with near hysteria,

Severus: B…
Lucius: Don’t, I’ll say it. “Bitch”. He is, he truly is.
Sirius: Tell me why that’s bad, again.

>>and gathered his failing strength for one last effort.

Severus: Try frowning. Maybe it’ll work this time.
Lucius: *rolls eyes*

>>As the panting Lucius waited,

Sirius: *panting* I’m waiting…

>>he felt the creature move freely about his once proud body, now naked and completely vulnerable to it.

Sirius: *looks at Lucius, concerned* You ok?
Lucius: Yeah!, just have to… die for a minute!

>>He screamed and pulled against the chains frantically,

Severus: Biiiiig bitch symptom. Huge!

>>trying to free himself of the clinging reptile.

TBC