Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy	By : AnasellaEmm Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 75943 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter related characters, places and themes belong to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury and Scholastic.

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I love you guys so much! The chapter title comes from the song, �If You�re Not the One� by Daniel Bedingfield.

Chapter 11: Why Do I Dream of You as My Wife?
Zane watched as his father propped his shiny, silver and brown broomstick against the living room wall. It had been a long day at school what with the whole �learning how to read� business and Zane had believed himself to be on the verge of a nice nap on the couch, listening to his mummy rustle around in the kitchen.

But now� there was that beautiful broomstick just a few steps away. Any thoughts of a nap were long gone. Zane quickly shut his eyes when Draco turned around and saw him on the couch. He even kept them closed as Draco kissed him on the forehead.

When he heard the footsteps fade away from the living room, Zane peeked out of one eye to make sure the coast was clear. Yep, no grownups. They had an annoying tendency to say no to a lot of fun things�

Zane crawled off of the couch and checked all around him to make sure his mummy and daddy weren�t hiding somewhere. He turned back to the beacon of all things fun and goodness: daddy�s broomstick. He reached it in nearly no time at all� it was one hell of a Siren.

He ran a tiny finger down the polished wood of the handle all the way to the perfectly clipped branches at the end. He looked at the opposite end where he saw three letters he knew but didn�t understand: D. L. M. He had learned those letters when daddy had taught him the entire ABCs.

He wrapped his hand around the handle and felt the hum of vibration pulse through his arm. It was so freakin� cool!

�Zane Malfoy,� his father�s voice drifted from the open entryway of the living room.

Oh, man� so close.

�You have one second to get your hand off that broom.�

Zane released the handle as if it had scalded him and turned to face his father.

�I was only touching it,� he said. �I wasn�t going to ride on it.�

�Draco, I told you to never leave your broom where he can reach it,� Hermione said, coming out of the kitchen. �He drools like some love-sick puppy whenever it�s around.�

�He was sleeping when I left him,� Draco mumbled, knowing he was just as much at fault. �Zane, you know you can�t touch my broom; it�s not a toy. How many times do I have to tell you that?�

�Sorry,� Zane replied quietly. He didn�t like it when daddy got mad at him. �I won�t touch it anymore.�

�Good,� Draco sighed and knelt down to pick up his son. �I�m not being mean, Zane. It�s important that you stay away from the broom because you could end up hurting yourself. Do you understand?�

Zane nodded twice and then smiled his �Zane is a good boy� smile. He used it in emergencies only.

Draco shook his head with a smile and hoisted Zane up onto his shoulders. �Did your mummy say something about ice cream for dessert?�

�I didn�t say anything about dessert,� Hermione said, putting the broom back in its proper place in the hall closet.

�Let�s get ice cream!� Zane exclaimed. �Please?!�

He gave his smile again, turning it towards Hermione.

She smiled back and nodded. �Fine, but only if you finish your dinner.�

Suckers� smile always gets �em.

----------------------------------------

Things were moving slowly� but surprisingly smoothly. It had been a few days since the Ancient Mistress of Evil had visited. Draco and Hermione refrained from speaking that hag�s name to prevent any recollection of her existence.

Four days after the initial inspection, Hermione came home with Zane sleeping in her arms, tired from the long school day. She placed him in Draco�s bed since the master bedroom was closest and her arms were worn-out.

Quietly exiting the room and walking towards the living room to rest her feet and possibly take a quick nap before she had to start dinner, Hermione didn�t expect to hear a tapping at the window.

The post was being carried in the beak of a Ministry Postal Owl. She let the bird in and rummaged through the stack of letters.

Bills, bills, junk, flyer, bills, junk, junk� what�s this? Letter from Pansy D�Aggostino?

Throwing the other letters onto the coffee table, Hermione hesitated a moment before opening the letter. It wasn�t addressed to anyone, but she knew it was meant for Draco. But he wasn�t home yet, so, tough luck.

She quickly unfurled the letter written on perfumed parchment and written in glitter-black ink.

Draco,

What the hell are you thinking!? You married the mudblood? Out of all the desperate whores in that country, you pick the mudblood? I couldn�t believe my ears when I overheard that you had gotten married� to a mudblood!!! I am so utterly disgusted with you. I wrote this to tell you that I do not want my precious baby raised by that filth. I�m going to fight for him and keep him away from you and your dirty, lowly wife! God, how could you expose our son to her?! I�m so angry right now I can barely think straight. I won�t let you get away with this, Draco. Zack is my son, too, and I want him here in France with me, with his real mother!

Madame Pansy D�Aggostino

-----------------------------------

Draco unlocked the front door and tucked his wand back into his blazer as he stepped inside the flat. His head hurt from finally finishing one of his most complicated projects and all he wanted to do was collapse onto his bed and sleep.

He heard Hermione rattling around in the kitchen� it sounded louder than usual, as if she might have been slamming things down on the counters instead of placing them.

Hanging his cloak in the hallway closet and making his way to his room to change out of his work clothes, he stopped only when he heard the springs of his bed squeaking with the proof that Zane was jumping on it.

He smiled and shook his head before stepping into the doorway with a practiced �parent-frown.�

Zane flew off the bed and ran to his father with a very innocent expression. �Daddy! You�re home!�

�Yes, and you�re in trouble,� Draco said, crossing his arms over his chest. �Why are you in this room?�

�I waked up and I was here,� Zane explained.

�And you decided to just start jumping on my bed?�

�I wasn�t jumping. I was standing on the bed and then I moved my knees up and down and then I got up a little bit on the bed and then went back down on the bed really fast.�

Draco raised an eyebrow at his son�s descriptive lying. The kid was such a Slytherin�

�Well, you�re not allowed to do that anymore. Got it?�

�Got it,� Zane assured his father.

When�s he going to leave so I can get back to jumping?

Draco smiled at his son and bent down to kiss his head. �How was school today?�

Zane perched himself on the edge of his father�s bed and watched him change out of his clothes. One day� he�d be tall just like him� and he�d have muscles too. Maybe he�d have a line of hair on his belly, too� whatever that was.

�School was fun and fun. I learned how to spell my surname!�

�Yeah? And how do you spell it?�

�M-a-l-f-o-y,� Zane said loudly. �I can spell all of my name now!�

Draco�s head popped out of the clean white shirt he put on and he laughed. �You�re a genius, Z. I swear.�

�I know,� the little boy replied. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, scissor-style and looked at his father for a few seconds. �Daddy?�

�Yes?� Draco answered, walking to the bathroom to wash his face and his hands before dinner.

�When I went to Wolf�s house on the other day, we builded a fort in his mummy and daddy�s room and we played battle.�

�Sounds fun.�

�His mummy and daddy only have one bed in the room. You and mummy have two beds,� Zane said, his brows furrowed in that mixture of curiosity and confusion.

Draco froze mid-step, coming out of the bathroom.

Why, oh why is this kid so goddamn smart?

�And you like to jump on both of them,� Draco said, hoping to change the subject delicately.

�Gamma and Gampa have one bed, too,� Zane continued, trying to figure this dilemma out. �Why?�

Where the hell is Hermione so she can answer his bloody questions? She�s so much better at making up shit�

�Why don�t you go ask your mummy?�

�Ok,� Zane replied, jumping down from the bed and scurrying off towards the kitchen.

Draco let out a breath and sank into the closest chair, rubbing his hands over his face. A few seconds later Zane was back in the room, out of breath from running. �Mummy said to ask you.�

Damn you, Hermione. Damn you.

�And she�s mad,� Zane said.

�What? Who�s mad?�

�Mummy�s mad. She looked very mad and she talked very mad,� he explained.

�Why is she mad?� Draco asked, suddenly on alert.

How the hell am I supposed to know? I�m four years old, buddy. Zane shrugged. �Maybe you have to kiss her so she can�t be mad anymore.�

�That�s not how it works, Zane.� Thank the heavens. Lord knows I�m ready to shag the next red-blooded woman that crosses my path.

�Can I have a chocolate?� he asked, already moving on to a more interesting subject.

Draco didn�t even hear him as he left the room and walked straight to the kitchen, Zane tagging along, singing a song about Rosie the dinosaur and his magic adventure to Azkaban.

Hermione was at the sink, washing something, her posture straight and stiff.

She looked over her shoulder when Draco and Zane walked in. Even with the male trait of not being able to read emotions, Draco was still able to tell that she was furious.

�Hello, Hermione,� he started, unsure of what to do.

She didn�t reply, but went on washing whatever poor dish was at her mercy.

�Z, mate, why don�t you go watch some telephone,� Draco suggested.

�Television,� Hermione corrected, her voice low and harsh.

�Right, go do that,� he said, pushing Zane out of the kitchen.

At first, Draco had wanted to refuse having muggle electronics in his home, but seeing as how Hermione was doing him a favor in marrying him, he allowed the things. Zane had acquired an incredibly strong infatuation with picking up the telephone and pushing random numbers. He also enjoyed watching the strange box with moving pictures. Draco couldn�t understand, but the kid loved to watch a show with a huge yellow bird and various other monstrosities singing about God-knew-what. The show gave him the creeps.

Stumbling away from his thoughts, once he assured himself that Zane was out of hearing range, he turned back to Hermione who was now cutting up some vegetables on the cutting board. Actually, she was more accurately massacring the poor, helpless produce. Draco thanked the heavens that he hadn�t been born a carrot.

�Uh, Hermione,� he started. �Are you going to tell me what�s bothering you or are you going to keep it bottled up and then murder me in my sleep?�

She spun around, the knife held ominously in her hand, a piece of mutilated cucumber stuck to the edge. �Nothing�s bothering me, Draco. What makes you think that something is bothering me?�

�I don�t know, it might be the way you�re holding that knife� or the way you�re looking at me as if you want to chop me up and throw me in with the stir-fry for tonight�s dinner.�

She scowled at him. �You�re not the one I�m thinking of chopping up.�

�Ok, how about we put the knife down and you can tell me what�s wrong� or, you can put the knife down and not tell me what�s wrong. Either way, I�d be a lot more comfortable if you put the knife down.�

�For heaven�s sake, Draco, I�m not going to stab you!� she exclaimed, slamming the knife down onto the cutting board. �What went through your head when you married that sorry excuse for a witch?�

Draco raised an eyebrow at this and put the small table they had breakfast on between the two of them. �Are you talking about Pansy?�

Hermione�s scowl deepened and she grabbed something from the apron around her waist, thrusting it into Draco�s hand. He brought his finger up to his lips, nursing the paper-cut wound she had inflicted on him.

Note to self: stay away from Hermione during her time of the month...

His eyes scanned the parchment, his eyebrows furrowing as he reached the end. Hermione stood in front of him, her arms folded over her chest as she watched him read. Her temper rose when he finished the letter, looked at her and then laughed.

�What on earth is so funny?� she demanded.

He shook his head as his chuckles subsided and clasped his hands behind his head. �Are you seriously angry because of this?� he finally asked.

�Of course I�m angry. She�s threatening to take our son away!�

The minute the words had left her mouth, Hermione�s eyes widened and she quickly shut her lips. Draco stared at her curiously, his mind reeling. Our son?

They chose to ignore the statement. Ignoring things was best.

She took a breath and straightened out her apron along her thigh. �She�s threatening to take Zane away from you and you just laugh?�

�Yes, because it�s funny. I take Zane�s threats more seriously than I do hers. She doesn�t even know his name!� He looked back at the parchment in his hand and read aloud: ��Zack is my son, too, and I want him here in France with me, with his real mother!��

He waited until Hermione finally cracked a smile.

�I can�t believe you actually think she has the mental capacity to try and take away Zane. She�s dumber than Longbottom on one of his bad days.�

She scowled at him again. �Grow up, Draco. Leave my friends out of this.�

He rolled his eyes and pocketed the roll of parchment. �Don�t worry about this, Hermione. We�re providing Zane with a stable home and a vision that the Ministry wants. He�s never been happier and I know for sure that Pansy is in no way going to gain custody of him. She�s all talk and a bag of wind. Not even wind. A bag of matter-less vacuum.�

�What about the inspections, Draco? The first one, it didn�t go so well. That stupid hag could very well have ruined our chances� and we don�t even know when the next inspection could be or if we�ll be at each other�s throats when the inspector arrives or if Zane will be running around naked like he�s started to do since you let him watch the documentary on that Togolese tribe of Africa. I think I preferred it when he used to suck his thumb.�

�When I left the room that one time, the telephone was featuring a show on dinosaurs. I walk back into the room and there are a bunch of naked people standing around a circle banging on drums! It�s not my fault the kid is so impressionable.�

�It�s a television, Draco, or telly for short. Telephone is what I use to call my parents. Now, get back to the point! This is serious. Pansy might act dumb, but she was smart enough to file a petition for the custody of Zane and she might have shrewd Judicial Advocates who can be giving her all the help she needs.�

�So, you�re worried about the inspections? I thought we were faking a loving marriage quite well. Every time we�re in public people still think we�re newlyweds.�

�That�s only because your mother put out an announcement in the Daily Prophet alerting the entire world and seven other planets about our nuptials. It�s been a month, Draco, and do you want to know what Donny told me the other day?�

He stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue.

�She asked me if the sizzle has died in our marriage. When she was over here for dinner, she said we seemed to be a bit stiff with each other and that she thought we were angry at one another.�

�We were angry at one another. You had left your brassiere hanging on the doorway of our bathroom. The last thing I need is Zane asking me questions I don�t have the patience to answer.�

Hermione sighed. �I told you it was a mistake and seriously, what century are you living in? Brassiere? My grandmother doesn�t even call it that!�

�Excuse me, Miss Lingerie Terminology Patrol,� he mumbled.

�Stop digressing, Draco!� she nearly screamed. �People are starting to notice that we hate each other!�

�I don�t hate you,� he said quietly. �I dislike you immensely, but I�m grateful for everything you�ve been doing.�

Hermione shut her mouth and watched Draco sit down across from her.

�You�ve been helping me more than you think. You cook, you clean, you help with Zane, you organize outings for us when you know a Ministry official is going to be present so that we can be seen as a married couple� you do all this and run a school at the same time. I never realized how much work I used to do before you came to live here and I wanted you to know that I am glad you are around.�

Ok� who�s been playing with Polyjuice? �Um, well I�m glad I can help,� she said softly.

�I�ll try harder to not snap at you so often� and I�ll try harder to make our marriage seem more authentic.�

She nodded, not knowing how to respond. �I will do the same.�

�See? We don�t completely hate each other,� he gave her a wan smile. �We�re able to reach the end of a conversation without one of us pulling out a wand. That�s definitely progress.�

Hermione ducked her head and laughed. �I� I should get back to dinner. I think I hear the bed springs squeaking, so why don�t you check on Zane and I�ll finish up in here.�

�Actually, you�ve cooked every day this week, so since it�s Friday, we�ll go out. Plus, I don�t think those vegetables can be saved. No spell can repair them from the slaughter they went through.�

He winked at her and she threw a towel at him as he left the kitchen, laughing.

Turning back to clean the counter, still chuckling to herself, Hermione�s eyes widened and her laughter died instantly.

Oh, dear God� I was just flirting with Draco� and it wasn�t even for show!

It was real! Oh, jeez�

--------------------------------------------

�Well, look who we have here. If it isn�t the Malfoys�� Fred Weasley�s voice said from behind their table at the restaurant.

Hermione and Draco turned their heads and while Hermione smiled at Fred, Draco tried his hardest not to curl his lip.

�Fred! This is a pleasant surprise. We haven�t seen you since the wedding,� Hermione said, standing up to hug the red-head. �What are you doing here?�

�I was meeting Lee here before we head over to Edinburgh for some entrepreneur convention he�s insisting we go to,� he replied.

�I�m sure it�ll be fun, Fred. Edinburgh is a wonderful city and you usually have the talents to make any city your own,� Hermione laughed.

He smiled at her and looked at the two varying shades of blond men sitting at the table. �How are you treating my best gal, Malfoy?�

�Like a queen,� Draco said affectionately, inwardly gagging.

Fred grimaced, shaking his head and muttering something about disgusting, lovey-dovey nonsense. �And you, Mini Malfoy, how are you enjoying your fantastic step-mum?�

�Mummy is my mummy,� Zane corrected. What the heck is a step-mum? �I�m not mini. I�m a big boy.�

�Ah, a thousand pardons, sir. Now, I do believe I have a toy that�s only allowed for big boys. Would you like to see it?�

�Fred,� Hermione warned. �This toy wouldn�t happen to be lethal or carry a distinct smell, would it?�

�Completely harmless, Mrs. Mafloy,� Fred laughed. He reached into his robes and pulled out a small replica of a crystal ball. He handed it over to Zane and watched as the boy�s huge, silver eyes widened with interest.

�What is it?� Zane asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the small glass ball.

�It�s a Parent Detector. Anytime your mummy or daddy are approaching your hidden location, it starts to buzz.�

Zane�s eyes widened even more. �So, I can jump on the bed and when it buzzes it means mummy and daddy are coming?�

�Exactly. Have fun, soldier!� he said and left quickly before Hermione or Draco could strangle him.

The two of them watched helplessly as the little glass buzzed in Zane�s hands as they sat by him. Zane giggled in delight as he looked at them and then placed the toy on the table. �I like Unca Fred. His hair is orange and he gived me a nice toy!�

Draco scowled. I hate Unca Fred.

�I wish he hadn�t given him that,� Hermione said quietly. �As if he needs more reason to jump on the bed. We�ll give him a few days with it and then it will mysteriously disappear. Got it?�

Draco hid a smile and nodded covertly. Married life was turning out to be not so bad.

Well, it wasn�t so bad until the Ancient Mistress of Evil walked through the door of the restaurant, a young blonde woman with square spectacles and corrective braces on her teeth tagging alongside the older woman.

�Oh, my God,� Hermione breathed.

She scooted closer to Draco�s chair before he knew what was happening, and grabbed his arm to wrap around her shoulders. He looked towards the doorway and saw why Hermione had gone temporarily insane. Miss Dalrymple and someone he didn�t know were talking to the waiter.

�I didn�t think they�d give us an inspection outside the home,� Hermione whispered in his ear. �Oh, good grief, I think that�s our permanent DMP.�

�She doesn�t look so scary. I think Zane could probably knock her down��

Hermione sighed and shook her head. She wouldn�t admit to Draco that he was right� the blonde woman was tiny and the glasses she wore kept sliding down her nose and she looked as if she spent more time doing algorithms and word problems than she did caring about her outside appearance.

�And I thought you were nerdy,� Draco mumbled, receiving a pinch in response.

�Behave, or they�re going to give us a poor evaluation. Poor girl must be terrified having to be in the company of that creature.�

�Ok, no pitying the enemy, Hermione. That�s definitely not allowed.�

�Fine, but� oh, here they come. Act happily married.�

Draco turned his head and kissed her on the cheek right as the two ladies turned towards their table and approached them.

Zane stayed quiet, looking at his mummy and daddy hugging. They looked silly.

�Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, good evening,� Betsy Dalrymple said brusquely. �I trust you are finding your meal adequate.�

�Quite adequate, Miss Dalrymple,� Hermione replied, laying her head on Draco�s shoulder. �It is good to see you again.�

�Right,� she replied. �I have sought you out to make you aware of your new Domestic Ministry Professional assignment. This is Rhonda Westin. She will be joining you for the rest of the meal and reporting her evaluation back to the Ministry. Good night to you all.�

On that note, the evil horse-face left them to an awkward silence.

Draco and Hermione looked at the brown-eyed girl, looking back at them through magnified eyes, thanks to the eyeglasses. She didn�t falter in her gaze and kept staring at them as they stared at her.

�Uh, Miss Westin, please, have a seat,� Draco finally said, gesturing to the seat next to Zane. �Would you like something to drink or to eat?�

�No,� she said shortly. �Just act as if I�m not here.�

Easier said than done, you twit.

�Who are you?� Zane asked, staring at the strange woman sitting next to him.

�I am a certified Domestic Ministry Professional employed with the British Ministry of Magic. My name is Rhonda Westin and I am your permanently assigned DMP.�

Ok, lady� dumb it down a bit. I lost you at cetenterfied.

�He doesn�t understand you,� Hermione explained, wondering if their DMP was really an idiot or just plain clueless as to how the minds of children worked. �He�s only four years old.�

Rhonda checked the clipboard she had in front of her and pushed her glasses up with her pointer finger. �Yes, yes. Zane Draco Malfoy. Age: four years old. Birthday: the twenty-second of September. Birthplace: Dijon, France. Father: Draco Lucius Malfoy. Mother: Pansy Parkinson D�Aggostino. Legal guardians: Draco Lucius Malfoy and Hermione Granger Malfoy. Paternal grandpare��

�Yes, thank you for that,� Draco interrupted. �I thought we were supposed to act as if you�re not here.�

She looked at Draco and blushed in embarrassment. �Please, go on. I�m not here.�

I wish that were true.

�Uh, Zane, sweetheart why don�t you tell your daddy what you learned today in school,� Hermione said, steering the conversation to something they usually talked about.

�I already told him,� he replied. �I told him we learned our whole names today and then I asked him why Wolf�s mummy and daddy sleep in one bed and why��

�Ouch!� Draco suddenly yelled, drawing much attention to their table.

The poor DMP jumped from being startled, her glasses askew on her face and her eyes blinking rapidly. �Are you alright, Mr. Malfoy?�

Draco held his hand to his chest. �Oh, I�m sorry; I just got um a�cramp in my hand. Dreadful thing, I get these cramps in my hand you see� from uh, writing all day long and from� weightlifting.�

Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. At least give a believable lie, you moron.

He shrugged back at her, keeping an eye on Rhonda the robot.

She blushed again and bent her head. �That sounds awful� but, yes, I could tell that you practiced weightlifting.�

Draco and Hermione shared incredulous glances, well, Draco sported a smug smirk on his face, his ego inflated a bit too much for Hermione�s taste. The last thing they needed was for the imbecilic, na�ve DMP to fancy Draco. That would be the icing on the shitty-life cake for them.

�Do you have an ouchie, daddy?� Zane asked, a worried look on his innocent face.

�Just a bit of pain, Z. Nothing serious. It�s all gone now,� Draco assured his son.

�Ok. Mummy should kiss it like she kisses my ouchies,� he replied. �Then it makes it very better!�

I need to invest in some adhesive to fuse his lips together.

Hermione smiled her best seductive smile at him. �How careless of me. I forgot to kiss your ouchie, love.�

I�ve got an ouchie in my pants you can take care of if you keep looking at me like that.

She wrapped her slender fingers around his larger hand and brought it to her mouth. She pressed her lips to the back of his hand and winked at him as she kissed it.

Definite ouchie in the pants. Adjust napkin to make sure no one sees. God! Your son is a foot away and you�re lusting after your fake wife! Have some control, man!

�All better?� she asked in a low voice meant to be used only in the bedroom.

�Much,� he said through clenched teeth.

�I have a di-osaur named Rosie. He�s gonna get big one day and eat the fat lady,� Zane explained to the woman next to him. �She wasn�t nice to me, so Rosie is going to eat her and then poop her out.�

Hermione and Draco closed their eyes in horror. The both of them had to clap their hands to their mouths to prevent bursting out in uncontrollable bouts of laughter.

�Zane, mate, that�s not polite. You don�t speak like that at dinner and you don�t speak like that in front of ladies. Understood?� Draco said, his eyes nearly watering in the effort not to laugh.

�Ok,� Zane replied. �Am I going to get a spanking?�

�You spank him?� Rhonda said, breaking her bout of silence.

I thought we were supposed to pretend you aren�t here, you great idiot.

�Yes,� Hermione and Draco replied.

When they saw Rhonda note something down on her clipboard, Hermione tensed and took a deep breath.

�Miss Westin, do you have children?� Hermione asked.

Rhonda looked up with surprise and shook her head.

�Do you have a certificate in childcare and child developmental studies?�

Again, the DMP shook her head.

�Then please note that neither I nor my husband ever hit our son anywhere but his bottom. Nor do we hit him with anything besides our hands, that way, we know if we are inflicting unnecessary pain on him or not. Do you follow?�

Rhonda nodded and made a shaky note on the clipboard. �I�m not here, remember?�

Make up your damn mind!

�Hermione, darling, are you finished with your meal? Zane looks like he�s getting sleepy and we have an early morning tomorrow.�

�Come on, Zane,� she said, standing up. �It�s time to go. Do you have your present from Uncle Fred?�

Zane nodded and hopped down from his chair, rushing to Hermione to grab her hand. �Bye, lady,� he said to the DMP.

�I�m dreadfully tired,� Hermione said. �Let�s get going before you have to carry me home, Draco.�

�Oh, you know I�d love to do that regardless of how tired you are,� Draco said loud enough for the �nonexistent� DMP to hear.

�Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy!� Rhonda said, getting up from her chair.

�Do you hear something, darling?� Draco asked.

�Nope, not a thing,� Hermione replied, leading the way out of the restaurant.

�Ok, ok. You can stop acting as if I�m not here,� Rhonda said desperately, shaking like a brittle leaf on a windy day. �I will call on you next week for your inspection.�

�Goodbye, Miss Westin. Have a good night,� Draco said, nodding his head in her direction and then draping his arm around his wife�s shoulders as they left.

The minute they set foot outside the restaurant, a great breath of relief escaped both their lungs before they turned to each other and started laughing.

�I think we�re going to have fun with Miss Rhonda �Uptight� Westin,� he said in between laughs.

�Tons of fun,� Hermione replied. �You know, now that we�ve brought down our intense hatred for each other down to a strong dislike, I think we should team up to try and get her as flustered as possible with how much we supposedly love each other.�

�She looked like she was watching an x-rated nudie film when she was watching you kiss my hand, she was blushing so much. I don�t think she�s ever been exposed to anything of a sexual nature,� Draco agreed, speaking in low tones so that Zane wouldn�t hear them. �I think I understand what you have in mind.�

�We�ll start out small, maybe leave a book on the coffee-table that has tips and facts about lovemaking� she seems pretty easy to manipulate, yet she has a bit of a firm streak in her. It�ll be easy to break down.�

�This will definitely make the next five months a whole lot more fun,� he said. �As long as Zane doesn�t open his mouth to spill his random observations, then this could turn out to be very interesting.�

�Oh, but I think Zane adds to the interesting factor,� she pointed out. �He never fails to amuse me.�

Draco nodded in agreement.

�Why are you whispering?� Zane asked as the three of them walked back to the flat. �Secrets are not nice.�

�You�re right, Z. They�re not. Do you want to know what we were talking about?� Draco asked.

�Yes!�

�We were talking about how you�ve been such a good boy helping your mummy with the chores that we�ve decided to let you stay up an hour extra tonight.�

Zane�s squeal of excitement lasted until they reached their front door.

---------------------------------------

Lying in bed that night, Hermione listened to the sound of Draco�s deep breathing as he lay a few feet away from her.

Their relationship was starting to tread dangerous waters. They both acknowledged the fact that their attitudes towards each other were changing� but that was only the least of their worries:

She wanted to shag the daylights out of him.

And she was pretty sure he wanted to shag the daylights out of her�

But, no. They wouldn�t act on their impulses. If they did that� then everything would be ruined. Sex always ruined things and since their relationship was not conventional at all, neither of them was going to risk destroying something already so fragile.

Closing her eyes, Hermione let the sound of her husband�s breathing lull her to a sleep filled with images of that very same husband after one of his showers� minus the towel.

Little did she know that her poor husband had had to ease his own sexual frustration before bed and then fall asleep to a bountiful amount of erotic images featuring his wife spread beneath him, moaning his name softly as he pleasured her.

Who could blame them when they woke up the next morning, grouchy and irritable, and unable to look one another in the eye?
- 10
- 11
- 12
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy