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The Affair	By : soldiersgirl0709 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Lucius/Hermione Views: 34511 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to HP or the HP Universe, no money is made from the publication of this fic. Only friends and smiles. =)

Chapter List
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Chapter Eleven: The Un-winnable Fight

If it were as easy as just walking away then a heart would never be broken. � Anonymous

It had been two days since he had kissed her; actually it had been fifty four hours, thirty nine minutes and approximately 44 seconds since he had kissed her. He longed to do so again with every breath he took. She had been late coming in that morning but he had said nothing. He could see the strain on her face and he wondered if it had anything to do with what had happened between them. They hadn�t spoken of it but it was there like a giant pink hippogriff in the middle of the room.

Lucius glanced up when a house-elf appeared with the tea cart, settling it by the window with two chairs as had become the custom since Hermione had come to the manor. The servant arranged things to perfection then stepped into the library to notify Hermione before disappearing with a light ringing sound. When she walked through the doors he noted that she didn�t just look strained, she looked exhausted.

Concern flooded him as he held her chair then once she was seated he joined her. Her hands trembled as she tried to pour the tea, the silver tea pot rattling against the rim of the cup.

�Let me.� He clasped her wrist with one hand and took the teapot from her with the other and finished the task. �Are you alright?�

�I don�t know.� She said honestly. �I think I am over tired.�

�Then go home and rest, or let me have a room prepared for you here. There is no rush on the library, Hermione, take the time to take care of yourself.� He watched her as she cupped her hands around the teacup, trembling as though she were freezing. Lucius snapped his fingers and a closet door opened across the room, a black sweater flying swiftly through the air and into his hands. He moved around the table and draped it around her shoulders.

�Thank you.� She said softly, sliding her arms into the sleeves. �It smells like you. You never struck me as the cardigan type.� She smiled.

�It is cashmere and you would never see me out in public wearing it. It is comfortable during the winter when the nights are cold. It warms me while I read.� He was pleased that she recognized his scent in the soft fabric as she clutched it tightly around her.

�I think Ron has a mistress.� She said suddenly, staring down into her cup. She didn�t know what made her tell him the things that she did, maybe because he didn�t judge her or try to explain things away like her other friends would have. Harry and Ginny would have found an excuse for Ron�s behavior; they would have made her feel guilty for suspecting him.

�What led you to this conclusion?� He asked.

�It started with him just coming home really late but lately he hasn�t been coming home at all. When he does come home he sleeps on the sofa.� She said, sighing as she leaned back in the chair. �I went by the office last night. I thought maybe I could mend fences, try to be the one to make the first step to fix things, but he wasn�t there. Norma, the office receptionist said he had been off for a couple of days. He told me he had a very important mission he was working on and would be at the office. If he wasn�t at home or at the office, where was he? He wasn�t at Harry�s or his parents, I checked there.�

�Would you like for me to have him investigated?� Lucius wouldn�t hesitate to call in some favors from. He had a crack team of private investigators at his disposal if she desired them. Though Weasley didn�t strike him as the type of man to keep a paramour, more than likely he was off somewhere drowning his sorrows and Hermione was feeling guilty for having kissed him.

�No, thank you for offering, but no.� She got up and walked to the window. The clouds were thick and gray; the first snow of the season was coming. �I don�t think I want to know. If he is with someone else then it is my fault.�

�How is it your fault?� Lucius joined her by the window only the weather was the last thing on his mind. How could she think she would be at fault if her husband were sleeping with someone else?

�Because�I don�t think this is an appropriate conversation for us to have.� She hedged.

�I thought we were friends? You can talk to me about anything.� He said, laying his hand on her shoulder.

�I haven�t let him touch me since Oliver was born.� Her voice was light and reedy. �I tried�but it felt wrong, I felt numb and I pushed him away. I think that maybe when I lost Oliver I lost that part of me that feels passion and desire. I can�t blame him for turning elsewhere when he has a frigid wife at home who cries when he touches her.�

Lucius was torn between pumping his fist in the air and rejoicing that she wasn�t sleeping with her husband and reaching out for her to comfort her. Neither would be appropriate given the circumstances. He wondered what Weasley had said to her, if anything, to make her feel as though something were wrong with her.

�I doubt you are frigid.� He said, smirking a little. �Trust me, I know about frigid.�

�I just couldn�t. I have loved him all my life, always welcomed his touch before�.but this time I felt nothing. I was just completely numb and still, I was going to continue�.then it changed, I felt suffocated and�violated. I never felt that before, ever.� She looked over at Lucius and instantly she was embarrassed. �I�m sorry; I shouldn�t be talking about this with you. You can�t possibly understand.�

�Oh, you would be surprised.� He chuckled. �Intimacy issues aren�t exclusive to you, my dear. Would it surprise you to learn that I have never been unfaithful to my wife in thirty years of marriage?�

Hermione pondered his question for a moment. She had to separate what she thought she knew of him before from what he actually knew of him now in order to answer that question.

�No, it doesn�t surprise me.� She said.

�Kissing you...well that was the first taste of another�s lips I have had in decade.� He was staring at her lips as he spoke and she licked them involuntarily. �Narcissa was never particularly�amorous, but she loved me and I loved her and what we had was enough. After Draco was born it slowed down even more and then after the war�well, I have been allowed in her bed only once per month for the last several years and she kept the intimacy limited. I have not accepted her offer in nearly three months. It isn�t worth it when there is no love, no warmth, and no desire.�

�What if I never find myself again? What if I live the rest of my life without passion? What if I can never be a proper wife again?� She asked.

�He doesn�t deserve you.� His voice was deep and quiet as he spoke. �If he has found another then he is even more of a fool that I already know him to be. He has the most amazing woman waiting at home for him every night and he can�t see it.�

�Lucius�� She whimpered his name and it was like a spell wrapped itself around him and drew him forward until only a scant inch separated them. The hand that had been resting lightly on her shoulder slid around to the back of her neck and held firmly, tilting her head back so that she had to look him in the eyes. His other arm slid around her waist, pulling her lower body flush against his. She gasped audibly and her hands gripped his biceps because she didn�t know what else to do as heat began to flow through her veins uncontrollably.

�He has no idea. Why can�t he see what I see?� He whispered, his brows furrowed as though his own thoughts were confusing him. �I don�t understand.�

�Lucius�please.� Was she pleading for him to stop, or for him to continue? She didn�t know. On one hand she knew that being in his arms was wrong and she should get away fast but oh, the heat, the need, the throbbing ache that was settling low in her stomach held her rooted to the spot.

�I�m trying, Hermione. I�m trying to fight it but I am losing.� His words were soft and raspy just before his lips closed over hers. This time it was no fairy soft brush of his lips. This time he took, he tasted, he claimed. His lips slid over hers firmly, his teeth nipping lightly and his tongue urging her mouth to open. She moaned, an agonized sound that parted her lips and let his tongue inside. Her hands slid up from his biceps to his shoulders, then burrowed into his hair as her resistance crumbled and she kissed him back.

He held her even tighter when he felt her tongue slide alongside his and then into his mouth. She kissed him back with a bruising passion that he had not felt since�.he couldn�t remember if it had ever been like this before with anyone. She moaned into his mouth, sucking gently on his bottom lip as she hooked her thigh over his hip trying to get closer to him.

The hand at her back slid down, curving over the round curve of her bottom and pressing her hips tight against the arousal that was painfully pressing against his zipper. He wanted her, more than he could ever recall wanting another, but he didn�t just want her beneath him, he wanted her to want him, to need him.

The kiss slowed, the passion turning tender as they eased their lips apart. They rested their foreheads together, their panting breaths mingled as they struggled to settle their pulses. The hands fisted in his hair relaxed their hold and began smoothing the long tresses with gentle fingers.

�What is this between us?� She whispered. �Why is this happening?�

�I don�t know, I know it�s wrong but when I hold you, when I kiss you, when I am simply in the same room with you, it feels so right.� He whispered.

�Lucius�.we need to talk.�

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Hello everyone! I must say, I am so surprised by the reception this story is getting! I am thrilled that everyone has been able to look beyond the surface and see all of the underlying currents flowing through it, I am so happy about that!!!

Utopia � I am forever grateful for my 3 miracles =) they were worth the months of bedrest that is for certain. As for the rest, I think if I were a man I would have crumbled by now. I hate to sound sexist, but it doesn�t seem to me that many men have the emotional strength that women have. We do so much in a single day and then whether we feel like it or not we get up the next day and we do it all over again because it has to be done. Women are amazing that way. As for maternal instinct, there is no truth that it is something we are born with. Yes, some women grow up knowing they want to be mommies, some don�t realize it until they have met the right man and others still don�t realize it until they are holding their child in their arms. They are still brilliant mothers. =)

Lana � Thank you, I am so glad that you enjoy my writing enough to re-read!

Voracious Reader � don�t expect Lucius�s honor to hold out LOL expect to see a more familiar Lucius emerging from his melancholy

Sassenach � I am a fan of Twilight, but not Rabid about it like my pals Vic and Jenny�Jenny was crying because it was so bad. They dropped the ball on the movie plain and simple, it could have been SOOOO amazing, but I think they rushed the screenplay and they twisted the characters so that they didn�t seem to fit with the book. There WAS about 30 min towards the end that was good. And RPatz did look like a decent kisser�..

Myasev � I don�t get to answer reviews on work days but I try to get the chapter up before I go�thank you for reading, I appreciate it =)

Narcissas Sister � I think that the fates have sadistic senses of humor. I am hoping this comes across as I intend, two people stuck in relationships that have run their course and finding the start of something special yet held back by the guilt and sense of duty they feel�of course I know my faithful readers will let me know if I succeed or not LOL

Lady_of_clunn � kiss by kiss the wall comes down�.LOL

Lyra Aphrodite Moon � First, congrats on completing your thesis! Yay for you! Now�yes, this is very dark for me�.not to worry though, it isn�t permanent, I am already writing more humor filled fics�this was a plot that came on a whim and I ran with it, I believe it to be a reflection of the angst in my life right now, a way of working out the stress�.as to being depressing, well I DID post several warnings in the beginning to let you know LOL I can tell you I always write happy endings and this one has already been written�.it is 30 chapters long. So we are not yet half way through.

Muffy - am I in your head? Is that where I go when I space out during the day?

Nightqueen � I know, I don�t get the pairing either LOL But I promised my friend D I would not make Ron horrid in this fic because she loves him and the canon pairing LOL

Lexi � Thank you so much for that! Your review brought a smile to my face this morning =)

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The Affair