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Incandescence	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 13843 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; that belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am making no money from this fic.

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Chapter
Eleven�Illumination

�� Now. I
think you can talk to me now.�

�� The evening
had been filled with a great deal of unnecessary nonsense, from Draco�s point
of view. Potter had gone to the Ministry, dragging Draco along behind him, and
explained in terribly earnest terms about how Yolanda Timpany had abused him,
and abused Draco, and got killed when one of her own weapons destroyed her.
Draco thought that he didn�t need to feel bad about it, as it wasn�t even a
lie; obviously the weapon had failed to protect her from the dead. Potter
didn�t need to tell the entire story
with his eyes on the floor in a way that made the Head Auror looked at him with
steadily increasing concern.

�� Nevertheless,
they accepted his story, and then Potter took him to St. Mungo�s and tried to
leave him with Mind-Healers. Draco had clamped his hand down on Potter�s
shoulder, told him that if his mental injuries could wait until after Potter
explained his �crime� that surely meant he was well enough to bear company, and
then turned around and met the Mind-Healers with his best pathetic expression.

�� He never
removed his hand.

�� So Potter
stayed, and when Draco described what had happened in detail, Potter reached
out and put a hand on his arm in return. That hand pressed down uncomfortably,
fingers making dents in his skin, the longer the story went on.

�� Draco
didn�t mind. He had made up his mind about certain things, things for which the
press of those fingers was rather a promising sign than otherwise.

�� The
Mind-Healers spent a few minutes tapping Draco�s skull with crystal wands and
then staring at them. Draco stared at them, too, to show willing, but ended up
looking away in boredom because he couldn�t see the subtle sparkling colors
that apparently filled them and told the Healers what was wrong with his brain.

�� He
preferred to spend the time looking at Potter, examining the shadows in the
green eyes that came to him and then retired guiltily again, and watching how
his grip, though it grew a little looser so as not to hurt Draco, never
released.

�� Draco had
an excellent idea of what he wanted, now, and a way to incorporate his earlier
physical attraction to Potter, the sense of fascination he�d had with him from
the moment of his dinner with Potter in the Fire-Room, his gratitude at being
rescued, and his continuing curiosity. If Potter refused to go along with it,
then Draco would accept that.

�� But I can be very persuasive, and I have
learned that Potter is not immune to the Malfoy charm, he thought, and
beamed to himself.

�� The smile
caused Potter to turn his head and stare at him. Draco stared back, and a
small, reluctant smile worked its way over Potter�s lips at last. He dropped
his head until his nose rested in Draco�s hair and sighed.

�� Another good sign, Draco thought,
reaching up to caress the back of Potter�s neck and ignoring the scandalized
stare of a pair of Healers. They obviously hadn�t read Approaches to the Mark, his novel about Seamus Finnigan, or they
would have known that this was far from the most daring thing Draco had done.
The experimental narration in that book still scared Draco when he thought back
on it.

�� Finally,
the Healers told Draco that his mind had been hurt, but would heal without
�blue scars� (whatever that meant. Draco ordinarily would have asked, but he
usually had room for only one obsession at a time, and his mind was full of
Potter right now). They gave him a few lists of words to memorize that
apparently would help shuffle his memories back into order. Draco nodded to
them graciously as he walked out of hospital. He thought that was more than
they deserved for keeping him away from his conversation with Potter.

�� Potter
shifted uneasily as they stood on the street in front of St. Mungo�s. �Um,� he
said. �I reckon that I should let you go home now, and��

�� But what
if something happens to me on the way there?� Draco turned his eyes towards Potter
and fluttered his lashes. �What if Timpany had an associate, and he comes after
me to avenge her death?�

�� Potter
frowned at him. �How likely do you think that is to happen?�

�� Draco
sighed and stepped towards him, fastening his hand on the back of Potter�s neck
again. �I�m trying to create a mood here, Potter,� he explained patiently. �I
do it well in print, and I�m practicing my skills with words in the open air.
The least you could do would be not to shatter
it. Particularly when it gives you a chance to relax from being Sterner
Wizard the Son of Stern.�

�� A quiver
ran through Potter�s muscles, and he slowly brought his arms up and folded them
around Draco�s shoulders. �It would be easier to adopt the mood,� he muttered,
�if I knew when you would wake up and back away from me in horror.�

�� Draco
gripped one of his eyelids and flipped it up and down. �Awake,� he said. �Eager
to adopt the mood. Why would I back away from you in horror?� He made sure to
keep his voice soothing as he slid his hands down from Potter�s neck to his shoulders.
He could feel his angry, or fearful, tremors more easily that way. �So far as I
can see, you�ve saved my life from a woman who would have murdered me. I can�t
pretend that I was eager to find out what her weapon did, either. You gave me
much, and robbed me of nothing, not even inspiration for a story.�

�� Potter
glanced around the streets. �Not here,� he said. �I�m not eager for more people
to find out my secret.�

�� Draco
nodded. �Then come back to my tower.�

�� Potter
fixed him with an uncertain look. �Are you sure you�re not tired? You�ve had a
lot of excitement, and��

�� I�m
neither a child nor one of the maidens in distress that I sometimes write
about.� Draco made sure to fill his voice with steel. It seemed as though
Potter needed some for the stiffening of his own spine. �I can listen to any horrible
tale that you care to tell me, Potter.�

�� All
right.�

�� Potter�s
voice and eyes had both grown heavy with shadow. He made a gesture in front of
him as though Draco should Apparate to the tower on his own. Draco smiled,
wiser than that, and kept a grasp on him, which made Potter peer at him as if
he were trying to see the damage in his mind that the Healers had failed to
spot.

�� You�re not getting free that easily, Draco
thought, and led the way.

*

�� Potter
looked out of place in Draco�s tower the way he hadn�t looked during his first
visit. He kept his head ducked as he toyed with the new package of proofs for Golden Stories on the table between
Draco�s couch and chair. (Angela hadn�t agreed with most of Draco�s changes and
demanded that he make them over again). Draco asked him if he wanted tea and
received a mumble in return, which was enough of an answer for him to start
brewing. He added several small packets of spices that would make the tea smell
sweet without altering the taste to the water, and had the satisfaction of
seeing Potter lift his head and smile a little.

�� So,� Draco
said, when he handed over the cup and settled opposite Potter, his hands folded
peacefully around his own cup. �I�ve let you sit here in silence and brood long
enough to find the words. Tell me why you think I should be running the other
way, gasping hard enough to tear my throat, looking back over my shoulder.�

�� Sometimes
I think I should read more books, if it would teach me to have a vocabulary
like yours,� Potter said softly, and sipped his tea. Almost at once, the quiver
in his muscles vanished. Draco concealed his smile behind the lip of his cup.
The spices didn�t alter the taste, but they might
have other effects.

�� There are
many advantages to reading books, and that�s only one of them.� Draco looked
ostentatiously at his hands. �No itching yet. The spell thinks I won, or it�s
dissipated because the bet couldn�t be kept in the first place, as I told you.
Now. Talk.�

�� Potter
nodded shallowly. Then he said, �Isn�t it obvious? I can walk through the world
of the dead. I can command them, as long as I do it only in the presence of
someone who�s probably going to die anyway. Bringing them into the daylight
world is�impossible, and I wouldn�t want to do it. Too contradictory.� He shook
himself like a cat submerged in ice water. �I can�t imagine why you would want
to be around me.�

�� Draco set
his cup down on the table and leaned forwards. �Listen to me, Potter.�

�� Potter
looked up. There was carefully concealed fear and relief in his eyes at the
same moment. Draco knew he was anticipating being rejected and, while he would
resent it, it meant that he wouldn�t have to deal with Draco reacting in a
different way from the one he�d always imagined.

�� Those
talents of yours saved my life,� Draco said. �I don�t think Timpany a great
loss. I don�t think you would ever misuse them, because you�re too ridiculously
noble. I don�t blame you for lying to me about them before; you could hardly
have known that I would accept the truth with this level of enthusiasm. So.
Explain to me why I should run the other way, gasping hard enough to tear my
throat��

�� The
metaphor loses force when you repeat it twice,� Potter snapped, and his hand
clenched down hard on his teacup.

�� Draco
applauded. �Wonderful! We�ll make a literary critic of you yet, if not a
writer.� He raised an eyebrow. �And that�s an end of the silly diversions, I
hope. The truth, now.�

�� Potter at
least spared the teacup, pushing it away from him across the table with a force
that sent tea slopping onto the wood. �Malfoy,� he said between clenched teeth,
�I�m marked out as different. Always have been.� A savage jerk on his fringe
moved it aside so that Draco could see the scar, which he raised an eyebrow at,
unsure why it should move him in the way Potter apparently assumed it should.
�It was one thing when I had a Dark Lord after me and the hope that someday I
could kill him. If I could kill him, then one day it wouldn�t be dangerous to
be my friend anymore. Things could change.
Dumbledore said once that I had a prophecy haunting me, and�and I did, but
the prophecy only predicted things up to a certain point. After that, I could
live my life free of the bloody thing.

�� But this
isn�t ever going to go away. I tried to ignore it, and all that happens is that
I keep seeing the shadows and the world of the dead, and sometimes I hear the
voices of the dead calling to me. I�m haunted, trailed, hounded by death. I stink of it.� He leaped to his feet and
paced once around the room, promptly banging his shins into the small tables
that Draco had used to decorate the sections of floor he normally didn�t use.
He swore and rubbed them, then turned his head over his shoulder to glare at
Draco. �How can you want to be around someone who�who�ll look at your shadow
someday and see death coming for you?�

�� Draco rose
to his feet and crossed the distance between them. Really, he thought, as he took Potter�s shoulders between his hands
again and stared earnestly into his eyes, I
ought to receive a special wage as the official Calmer-Down of Harry Potter. Potter
was already relaxing again, breathing more softly and in a sane manner,
studying him with wary eyes.

�� First of
all,� Draco said, �I�ve smelled you at close quarters several times now, and
you smell fine to me.� He sniffed delicately. �Perhaps a different scent would
be advisable to cover the smell of sweat, but I�ll concede that it does make
you more manly.�

�� Potter
stared at him, mouth and eyes both wide. A few times, a faint spluttering sound
worked its way up his throat, as though he were trying to figure out a way to
respond, but each time it died.

�� Second of
all,� Draco said, �it doesn�t matter that you have some unusual talents. They
don�t frighten me. I told you that I don�t think you�ll ever misuse them. Yes,
of course they mark you out, but that makes you all the more fascinating to me.
And the scar came first.� He reached up and traced a finger over it. Potter
jolted as though Draco had cast a lightning bolt at him through his fingernail.
Draco smiled up at him, wondering how many people had ever touched it. �If
dating an unusual man bothered me, then I wouldn�t have chosen you at all,
since I knew about that before I knew about your remarkable death-defying
powers.�

�� You make
horrible puns�� Potter said, and then stopped and continued in a flatter voice,
�Dating.�

�� Yes.�
Draco closed his hand still on Potter�s shoulder down as an undeniable pressure
and traced the line of the scar in reverse this time. �I wondered why I was
feeling attracted to you before, almost mesmerized. Now I know. I�d like to
date you. I�d like to know you better, and not because I want you to be a
character in my novels. I want�I want you in�in many senses.� His words
faltered because Potter had continued to stare at him with an incredulous
expression, and Draco had to wonder, for the first time, if the Malfoy charm
was not going to be enough for this. �Your gifts are another facet of you that
I want to learn to understand, not some horrible deformity that�s going to hold
me away from you or keep us from having sex.� He thought back on Potter�s
earlier words, and added, �Don�t tell me that you weren�t meditating a longer
association between us. You said that you feared looking at me someday and
seeing that I was going to die. What does that imply, but that you would stay
around me for a long time?�

�� Potter
closed his eyes. His voice was a whisper. �It�s been fourteen years since I
started hoping that someone would be able to stay with me despite this. I can�t
lie about it, and yet I know that it
would drive everyone away with its strangeness in the end. Don�t make me hope,
Draco. It�s cruel.�

�� I can be
cruel if that�s warranted.� Draco pressed his lips to Potter�s collarbone and
slowly trailed them sideways, interrupting his own words by necessity. He
thought it worth the sacrifice when Potter gave a muffled shiver and a quiet
moan. �Really,� Draco added when he lifted his head, �I should be the one who�s
worried here. You�re possessed of all sorts of beauties that you could use to
attract any partner you desired�if you didn�t undervalue them enough to scare
all your courtiers away. I should be
the one fearing that you would only want to stay with me because I like you.�

�� In a
moment, Potter�s hands shot out and cradled Draco�s face. Draco blinked. He had
hoped something like that would happen, but Potter had moved with bewildering
Auror swiftness, so he had hardly seen the touch coming.

�� How could
you even think that?� Potter
whispered, leaning in near enough that Draco felt his eyes water trying to keep
his gaze steady. �Of course I want to be with you for other reasons. The way
you faced Timpany was one of the bravest things I�ve seen in my life. Your
conversation through the crystal was�dazzling, if hard to follow. You have an
irreverence that I can�t help but admire. I�ve got accustomed to thinking of
myself as someone anyone will bow to and strive to please. When you obviously
didn�t care a thing about that and kept pursuing me to get the story out of me
anyway, part of me was charmed. Though other parts of me hated it, of course.�
He gave Draco a reluctant smile and reached up to stroke his hair. �And I�ve
never thought you were ugly. At least, not since I saw a publicity photo when
your first novel came out and realized that you�d lost most of the pointiness
you had in school.�

�� Draco
recovered his breath in a blast of indignation to say, �I was never pointy.�

�� Potter gave
him a gentler smile than before. �Whatever you say, Draco.�

�� Although I
will accept the encomiums of brave and clever, and even irreverent if I must,�
Draco added, brushing briefly at his face to remove any flakes of skin that
Harry might have left on his cheeks. He was handsome, Draco would say that for
him, but handsome didn�t always translate to having clean hands. �And now, is
that enough to convince you that your markings won�t send me scuttling away?�

�� Harry
hesitated, his eyes bright forest-green again. �Maybe,� he said at last. �I�ve
thought for years that I could never have a permanent relationship with anyone
because of what the Hallows did to me. And I�m still wondering if I�m giving
you too much of a chance because
you�re the first person who isn�t afraid of me. Am I attracted to you honestly,
or making up reasons to be?� He shook his head. �Give me time to get used to
the idea and that you won�t run the moment something happens that surprises
you.�

�� Someone
else ran away the moment something happened that surprised them, didn�t they?�
Draco asked quietly.

�� Harry
looked away, his mouth tightening. �Yeah.�

�� Who?�
Actually, Draco was sure of who it would be, but he wanted to hear confirmation
from Harry�s lips. He wanted to hear many
things from those lips, and the moan he had got when he kissed Harry was
only the beginning.

�� Harry shook
his head. �I�m not going to tell you that. You would only crow about it, and
couldn�t possibly be polite to this person when you saw them in the future.�

�� Draco
shrugged. �Very well, then.� Actually, Harry�s assurance that they would meet
someday only made Draco surer of his guess that it had been Ginny Weasley who
did a runner. A Weasley wouldn�t have the wit to appreciate what a rare
treasure Harry was, Draco mused, reaching up to brush the side of Harry�s cheek
with his hand.

�� Harry
caught the hand and stood staring at him as if Draco was a marvel of perfect beauty,
which made Draco have to turn his eyes away. He could feel his cheeks stinging
with his blush, which was an�unusual occurrence. But then, Harry Potter saying
all those pleasant things about Draco was an unusual occurrence as well.

�� I shall have to make sure that it becomes
more common, Draco decided, and looked up into Harry�s eyes. �I hope that
you can learn to live with someone who�s a writer, and sees people in terms of
characters,� he said.

�� That would
depend on whether or not you see me as
a character.� Harry�s voice was reserved, his eyes glancing aside again, and
Draco remembered that he�d dealt with writers in less than congenial
relationships to him all his life.

�� The hero�s
reward, perhaps?� Draco picked up Harry�s free hand and rubbed the knuckles
against his lips, because he wanted to and because he could only imagine, and
would soon know, all the marvelous things those hands had done. �Let me assure
you that I�m no hero.�

�� Even if
you picture me as a protagonist,� Harry said, and faced him suddenly, a fierce
light burning in his eyes. �I�m more than a character for your books, Draco,
just as you�re not limited to the villain or the rival I pictured when we were
boys. I have to�I have to know that
I�m more to you than that, that your imagination can�t always encompass me, or
this won�t work.�

�� Draco had
to smile as he looked at him. Harry had admitted that he�d been forced to give
up hopes of a relationship with most people, and now he had found someone who
could offer that to him. But he would challenge even that person, and reject
the possible relationship, if they tried to force him to live in confines that
his principles couldn�t tolerate. It was shining, and brilliant, and mad.

�� I assure
you,� Draco said, �that I have no trouble assuming I�ll never understand some of the things you do, and if I try to put you
into a character, one of those actions is sure to come along and shatter the
mirror I�m trying to hang.�

�� Harry
smiled at that, and oh the smile was shining and brilliant and mad too, and he
murmured, �Then we can begin trying and see if this might work out,� and then
he lowered his head.

�� Draco
kissed him, glad to hear that that mouth could
produce other things than moans and noble self-denial when it tried, and drew
back to add, �But don�t assume that this counts as the evening of conversation
you promised me. I still have far too many things I want to know about you.�

�� Among the
things that Harry�s mouth could produce, Draco learned a moment later, was a
current of laughter as rich and warm and soft as a river of sunlight.

*

�� Blood on
the Water: Thank you! And thanks for the book rec, too.

�� Draco
definitely knows that he has to act on his feelings here, because the chances
are good that Harry would put him off forever out of a sense of shame and guilt
if he didn�t.

�� butterpie:
Thank you! Harry does feel strange. But having someone around to appreciate
him, for the very first time, has made him realize that his powers don�t have
to separate him from everyone �normal� forever.

�� polka dot: I
suppose.

�� DoubleWe:
Sorry about that! It should only be a few more chapters.

�� Snivelly:
Thank you! This Draco really is irrepressible, I think, and he�s going to drag
Harry into a somewhat more normal life along with him.

�� Thrnbrooke:
There�s actually not that much left to tell Draco about those particular powers.
But lots of other things they could talk about.

�� hieisdragoness18:
Well, you got your wish!

�� TemporaryCriminal:
Thank you! Mostly, since this story was always planned to be short, the romance
is moving faster than it usually does for me. But that�s partially because
Draco knows what he wants and knows that Harry would try to push him away if he
waited.

�� Kelsey:
Harry explains in this chapter some of what made him change his mind about
Draco (and he was less distrustful than he appeared once he learned that Draco
had risked his life for him). Draco�s POV limits a lot of what can be stated
about Harry�s feelings, unfortunately. Sorry if it feels abrupt; the story�s
pace and POV means that I probably didn�t convey that as well as I wanted.
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Incandescence