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To Find The Missing Lifeline	By : EvilConcubine Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 37353 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't make money from this story.

Chapter List
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10. Potion-making

     Knockturn Alley wasn't a good place for a girl of her age. Well, it actually wasn't good for anyone, who wasn't familiar with the specificity of such places. She hooded her head and turned to the back street, avoiding everyone and walking fast. She entered one of the houses, looking around to make sure no one was following her, walked through the corridor with shabby walls just to reach the door almost in the end of it. The door opened in five minutes after her persistent knocking. The tall woman, almost middle-aged and good-looking in her own way, let the girl in without saying anything. She was smoking a cigarette through a long holder and her expensive dress was quite revealing.

"I'm not quite alone," she said, bringing the cigarette holder to her lips, painted with black lipstick, and casting a glance in the direction of her bedroom.

"I still feel that something is wrong," the girl said, sitting down on the chair of the living room. The woman sat down in front of her, crossing her legs.

"What seems to be the problem?" the woman asked, trying to hide her annoyance.

"Sometimes he doesn't seem to be happy with me," the girl replied. "I thought that I paid you enough to make a better work. My family isn't quite rich."

"It wasn't that easy to break through his mental defence, so the price was more than reasonable. It has only worked because he thought good of you and actually liked you. Not many can do it so good that it would be very hard to detect the influence. I make a lot of money on foolish little witches like yourself, but I'm known for my reputation. If I said that he's yours then never doubt that, but I already told you that no magic can create so-called real love. If that was so easy, everyone would be doing it. You've got what you asked for; he won't be able to leave you. It would be very hard for him to leave even if you'd let him go, and hardly possible if you wouldn't. But that doesn't mean he'll always act the way you want him to. He's just a man, after all, with all his merits and demerits even if he's partly broken and brainwashed now. Subconsciously he feels that he was forced to do something he never wanted to. You've been warned. If you don't like it then you'd be probably more satisfied if he was under the Imperius Curse."

"Of course, not!" the girl exclaimed, finding the joke ridiculous.

"Very good. Now you should leave," the woman said after taking another puff at her cigarette.

"Just one more question... Is that true that some people have lost their minds because of such rituals? I mean..."

"You mean victims. Yes. If he or she has already loved someone else by the time the ritual took place or if the... client completely lost interest and made the victim very miserable."

"Then I have nothing to worry about."

"Of course." The woman forced a smile and showed the girl to the door.

     At first Draco thought about drawing a dramatic picture of some girl, who, as he 'knew', had got pregnant and was scared of telling her parents, and she needed an advice. He swept the thought away immediately. It was stupid and absurd. He blamed his morning dizziness and frowned at himself. He wasn't a child anymore and couldn't afford such idiocy. And besides, Snape was far from being stupid, so he would find the gaps in any foolish story very quickly, much earlier than Draco would get to the middle of it. He stopped trying to compose a lie, knowing full well that it wouldn't work. And he couldn't lie to this man and not only because he would be caught out. 'No... Hit or miss,' he thought. Either Severus would help him and support him after finding out the truth or turn him out of doors, repudiate him and leave him to the mercy of fate. He didn't really believe that the latter would happen after everything Severus had done for him, without any words making him believe that he could trust the man no mater what. With all Snape's standoffishness and dourness Draco knew him as a reliable person. But now he was afraid to disappoint him. He wasn't even afraid to make him angry, but disappointing him was another story. The thought made him anxious. On the other hand, Severus would find out sooner or later, one way or another. It would be better if he found out from Draco himself. He wondered if there was any quota of his godfather's patience for him.

     For two days the blond considered the scenario of this conversation, thinking of the better choice of words, and especially of the way to start the talk. But, as soon as he sat down on the chair in front of Severus' desk, he'd lost it all and realised that he wasn't in control of anything anymore. Snape put his book aside and looked at his godson carefully. He hoped that Draco was finally ready for a talk. He had been expecting this. However, Draco's face was paler than usually, and he couldn't force himself to look into Severus' eyes, and apparently he'd lost all the words he'd intended to say.

"Draco, is there anything I can do for you?" he attempted to encourage him, trying to sound soft, not to scare away the remains of his godson's determination. He had seen the determination when Draco had entered his chambers and he had also seen the way the boy had been losing it gradually on the way to his desk. Now he only saw guilt, fear an embarrassment in his eyes.

"I don't... I don't know who else I can talk to," Draco sighed, feeling very uncomfortable. His voice was very quiet and unsure. He felt mildly nauseous, but tried not to concentrate on it.

"I've been expecting you to talk to me, since you've been refusing to answer any questions about what have been troubling you lately. You've been trying to assure me that you were fine when you were obviously not. You're hiding all the time. Does anyone threaten you?" Severus asked, trying to cause Draco to speak after a minute of awkward silence, which was much more awkward for Draco.

"No. It's not about that."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'm scared..." the boy almost whispered. He already wasn't concerned about showing the weakness and helplessness; he no longer cared. He only held back the urge to throw himself into his godfather's arms, if he would be welcomed there, and cry.

"This is obvious," the man replied.

"I don't know if you have ever noticed, but I've always trusted you more than anyone else," 'With the exception of the damned sixth year,' "But, perhaps, you're going to hate me now."

"Are you trying to cushion a blow? If you're in trouble, I will try to help you to the best of my ability," Severus promised, speaking calmly and with confidence. A desk was an undesirable obstacle between them, so he sat down on the chair in front of Draco, but not too close. It took Draco another minute to summon up his courage.

"Oh, gods... Severus, I'm pregnant," he finally whispered nervously and closed his eyes tight as if he was expecting a slap across the face. He couldn't venture to look at his interlocutor, truly afraid to see disappointment and disgust. He felt as if his fate was at stake now. Silence was the only answer. Severus' face was impenetrable and thoughtful; however, his heart skipped a beat. He saw the boy's desperation very clearly, and the last thing he wanted to do was make Draco run away alone with all his troubles or hurt himself out of the anguish. He knew the sign of trouble when he saw one, so he had to look as supportive as he actually felt towards the boy. He knew that Draco could do something foolish and irretrievable if Severus acted impulsive now. Draco still refused to look at him, but the silence dispirited him greatly, so he continued:

"Three days ago I tried to cause... a miscarriage. The only way I knew was taking a bath with hot water, but I was too uncertain about it, so I found a book. There was a recipe for the potion... My mind was in a fog. I brewed it and then I read the warning more carefully and realised what could have happened to me if I took it. Most definitely, I would have ended up dead after internal bleeding or gods know what else. I don't know what to do now," he stuttered and started weeping. He couldn't even begin to explain the emptiness he felt. The first shocking statement about the pregnancy was actually eclipsed by the confession that Severus had just heard.

     When the boy had started to look so ill and even fainted two times (perhaps even more), Severus had been ready to believe that someone had tried to poison Draco. So he'd ordered the perplexed and alarmed elves of the castle to examine everything Draco had been eating and drinking, but nothing harmful had been found. When Draco had isolated himself from everyone, even Severus, the man had supposed that someone had been threatening and taunting him again, but from what he had seen, the boy hadn't been in touch with anyone at all, so that version had failed, too. Draco had even stopped all his interactions with Potter, though it had happened earlier than those signs had started to show. For a long time already Severus had been noticing Draco's swollen eyelids, because of tears doubtlessly, and his glaring absent-mindedness. He'd been refusing to talk about his problems, had refused to go through the medical examination, and when they had practiced Occlumency and Legilimency a week ago, Draco had been raising such impressive barriers to close his mind out of fear, that Severus couldn't break through them without hurting him badly and even without exhausting himself, so it hadn't been an option to gain the information, too. He had only felt that Draco had been hiding something important, troubling, embarrassing, and the boy had been very concerned to keep it secret. Severus had known that Draco would come to him eventually, only hoping that, whatever had happened to his godson, his life hadn't been in danger, so the conversation could have waited for its time. And here it was.

"For how long have you been with child?" he asked.

"I'm not sure... More than two months, I believe," Draco replied, trying to stop sobbing.

"I see... What are you intending to do about it?"

"I don't know anymore. I'm not sure. I've hoped to get your advice."

"This is your responsibility. I can't decide for you. You have only two options and both are dangerous for your health. As far as I can see, you're not so resolved to terminate the pregnancy anymore."

"I said I don't know what to do about it."

"If you choose to keep it, you should be aware of the danger. We both know that your health, unfortunately, has suffered the unpleasant alterations and some of them are irretrievable. Pregnancy will give you a hard time, most definitely. It will take a lot from you. Your heart problems can become aggravated. Nevertheless, you should choose your actions wisely. If you think you can carry such burden then don't be in hurry to do anything that you'll probably regret afterwards. There will be no way back, Draco. Don't panic and consider it very carefully. This is the only advice I can give you." His calm voice actually took its effect on Draco. The boy almost stopped weeping.

"I was afraid to disappoint you... But I couldn't hide it anymore."

"I only hope that there will be no more barbaric attempts of the suicidal acts. Can I count on you for that?" the man frowned, but he still had to stay calm.

"I promise I won't do anything like that. I wouldn't want to go through that again." Draco sighed. "You don't ask me how it could happen to me in the first place," he noted. He finally managed to face the man.

"I don't. It doesn't look like you've set it up by your own free will. And if you knew more, you would have already told me, wouldn't you?"

"Yes. It doesn't seem to be important now, but I still would like to know. And I'm asking for your help in this, too. Please."

"I'll see what I can do," Severus nodded.

"Thank you," Draco whispered.

"I'd like to examine you if you don't mind."

"Yes, please, do," the boy agreed.

"Draco, what have you done to yourself?" Severus frowned after almost ten minutes of casting the examining spells.

"W-what?"

"You're quite exhausted. You should have more rest and stop starving yourself. You also have to drink more liquid if you don't want to end up dehydrated. I'll find a way to relieve your morning sickness."

"It would be very nice of you. It's killing me."

"What of your pregnancy..." The other scanning spells followed. Severus hemmed thoughtfully when he finished.

"What did you see?" Draco asked curiously.

"A womb with embryo or, more likely, it's already a small foetus, depending on its age. I think it's about three months old. I couldn't see it clearly, but it already resembles a human being. I felt its heartbeat. This is all information I can provide. You don't expect me to be well versed in this subject, do you?"

"Oh..." Draco was confused. Even this information seemed to be a little too much for him. 'Merlin, I have a womb... Of course, I do. How else...'

"Any abdominal pains?"

"No."

"We have to find a way to show you to the real mediwizard or mediwitch, but let's save it for the later discussion."

"All right," the boy sighed, though he didn't want to let anyone else into his secret. He just wasn't in the mood to argue.

"It was Potter, I presume," the man drawled after a few moments of silence, though he just wanted to confirm his conjecture.

"Yes," the boy blushed and lowered his gaze. "Was it so obvious?"

"I'm not blind and it was clear for me that, perhaps, you were more than just friendly with each other." Severus intended to ask why they had actually stopped even talking to each other, since they both had looked quite besotted, and then it had stopped all of a sudden, but he refrained from touching the sore spot. He also had no wish to interfere in those affairs.

"Yes, we were," Draco sighed with a deep sadness and regret.

"I assume he's not aware of your condition. Are you going to inform him?"

"No. He has plans for the future and there's no place for me there. He's made his choice. That was fiasco... I found out about pregnancy almost a month and a half after we broke up. I refuse to let anyone else know, except you."

"I see. That brings me to another thing I'd like to discuss. I hope you do remember about our monthly visit to the Ministry in five days," Severus reminded. He wasn't sure that it was an appropriate time for such kind of a talk, but it had to be discussed, since they didn't have much time left before Draco's next idiotic interrogation. "I believe it won't do you any good if they find out."

"I... I've forgotten about it," Draco paled, trying his best to hold back an inconsolable cry of despair.

"They've limited your rights. One can expect anything at all from them."

     Draco was terrified. The Ministry could actually grow interested in this case. His private information could find its way to Skeeter again, and that would make his life a real hell, or he could even be detained by the Ministry for medical experiments or something. He was about to faint at the thought. The cases of male pregnancy weren't unique in the Wizarding World, but they were rare enough to draw the attention of the inquisitive minds that would want to make a close study and put him to scrutiny. The Ministry wouldn't mind to make Draco an experimental rat since he was just a nonentity, a son of a Death Eater, who, nevertheless, could be in use for the magical sciences. Most wizards, who resolved to get pregnant were hermits or simply lived a lonely life and had no other way to continue their bloodline or just desired to get to know the joys of fatherhood. Unlike Draco's, their pregnancies were planned; at least, he believed so. And the overwhelming majority of those, who had decided to take the risk, had kept their delicate condition secret. Only later it was possible to find out the truth by certificates of birth were mothers' names weren't mentioned or by the discovered personal journals. But the period of pregnancy was kept under a veil of secrecy. And now Draco thought he knew the reason. But he wasn't actually free and he wasn't protected from the arbitrary decisions of the powers that be. His interrogators already knew about his feelings towards Harry and he hated them for knowing so much details of his life even if he'd almost got used to it. But now it was another story. Thankfully, the interrogation was delayed again. Five days...

"What do I do?" he asked. His voice sounded unfamiliar as if it belonged to someone else. Wasn't it still better to terminate his pregnancy? But how?

"Listen to me very carefully. I don't want them to influence your decision about your pregnancy," Severus said as if reading his mind. "I don't want you even to take them into account. I actually have some ideas. I've been working on something for a long time, and it is the only solution I find acceptable at the moment."

"What is it?" Draco gave him an inquisitive look.

"I'm trying to invent a new potion. It neutralises Veritaserum," Severus explained.

"That... Now I need something like that more than ever." A spark of hope appeared in Draco's eyes. "What are our probabilities?"

"It's not quite ready yet, but I'm close enough."

"I always wondered why anyone hasn't already invented something like that."

"Similar potions exist, but most of them are far from being perfect. Not to mention that they should be taken after taking Veritaserum. In most cases it's quite difficult to do, as you understand."

"In my case it would be impossible. They're watching me closely."

"It's typical. What I'm trying to invent is a potion, which could be taken before the interrogation to make you immune to the truth serum."

"Are you doing it for me?" Draco was amazed.

"Correct. You've been my inspiration. However, I was working on the analogous potions several years ago. The previous versions weren't acceptable. They had undesirable, though short-time, side effects; for example, dimness of mind, which whittles the very purpose of the invention and makes it useless. Your situation made me revise it. If you thought that I planned just to stand aside and keep watching as they humiliate my godson further, you were wrong. I only regret it has been taking so long. I certainly do not intend to make this invention public; otherwise, the Ministry will improve their version of Veritaserum immediately. I'll be more than happy to put a spoke in their wheel." It was true. He couldn't stop hating the way they treated Draco, and he knew that the treatment was unfair. He had no intentions to put up with it. He had a lot of things in his mind to make their lives hard, but those things would bring him straight to Azkaban, most likely, war hero or not. He simply couldn't understand if the world was such a wonderful place that they had nothing better to do than torment a traumatised child, pick him to pieces over and over again. This couldn't be tolerated. He had already allowed them too much. For him Draco was still a child. The only legal thing he could do was press for the shortening of Draco's period of suspension and he was working at it, but that wasn't enough. At least, he was capable of inventing something that could help the boy to keep something that was only his to himself, to give him privacy. Now was the best time than ever to finish his work.

"I always knew you're not the one to trifle with," Draco couldn't help but smile. He was moved. "Why haven't you ever mentioned it before?"

"Because I didn't want to give you any vain hopes and promises. I was planning to finish it in a month, but we only have five days, and thus I need to work hard to finish in time. I believe it's possible. I only need to deal with the minor side effects and make some tests," Severus explained. Draco gasped in surprise.

"And that's all? You're that close?"

"I believe I am," the man nodded. "And now you need a rest. Let's go, shall we?"

     They entered Draco's room and Severus approached his bedside table.

"Your healing potions are no longer appropriate for you. We have to find the less detrimental replacement. And what is this?" His attention was drawn by two vials of Deep Sleep potion. Draco sat down on the chair and lowered his eyes. He knew what was coming.

"Draco, have you completely lost your mind? For how long have you been taking this and how often?" the man frowned.

"For many months. Every night..." the boy admitted quietly.

"This is the incredible stupidity. Not only you could bring all your healing to nothing, but now that you need your health most, you keep poisoning yourself with this! I'm surprised it hasn't damaged your nervous system yet. I hoped you knew better than doing this to yourself. In certain cases those potions led people to a deep coma or a mental and physical disability. Is that what you want?!" he berated his godson.

"I have no excuse... Dreamless Sleep stopped working. I had dreams and they were..."

"So you decided to end your nightmares by killing yourself? Because I fail to see any other explanation."

"Give me, at least, some time so I could lower the doses gradually," Draco asked. He knew his godfather was absolutely right and the scolding was fair, but the thought that he would no longer have a peaceful sleep was bothering him.

"No, this is ruled out. You had 'some time'; months, to be precise."

"Severus, please. You don't know what..." Draco started, but was interrupted.

"Don't try to stir my pity. I'm taking it all away, and I will make sure you won't be able to brew anything like this again. Your health is a priority now, and you're sadly mistaken if you expect me to show indulgence towards your self-destruction."

"I'm not a child," the blond muttered.

"And yet, you have proved that you're not capable of taking care of yourself. You're not poisoning yourself anymore. Do I make myself clear?" Severus frowned again.

"Yes," Draco sighed.

"Is there anything else to surprise me today?"

"No. Now you know everything," the blond said tiredly, still having a guilty look.

"Thank Merlin," Severus sighed sarcastically. "Now go to bed."

     Still grumbling and reproving his unwise godson, he took away every single potion from his room. Draco complied and went to bed. He was tired. Severus gave him the mild Calming Draught. He wasn't sure it would help the boy to relax and sleep well after the strong hypnotics, but it was better than nothing. Draco felt much better now that he'd told his godfather everything and gained his support. The man could really help him with his ability to extricate himself from the difficult situations. Draco felt safe. Severus was only concerned about his well-being and safety; he hadn't scolded him for not telling him everything sooner, for the relationship he'd had with Harry, for the fact he'd contrived to get pregnant. No, he was just angry that Draco could have harmed himself. That was comforting.

     He hadn't been sleeping well lately even with potions, so the sleep overpowered him very soon. Contrary to his expectations, he didn't have any nightmares. In the morning he didn't feel very well, but woke up faster than usually. On his bedside table he found a vial and a note. It was a potion to ease his morning sickness. In his note Severus instructed him how he should take it and when. There was also written that the man was busy, and he asked Draco not to bother him without serious reasons.

     Severus hadn't been sleeping for two days and two nights, working on his potion to finish it in time. Alleging illness (nonexistent, of course), he'd cancelled all his lessons and had forbidden to disturb him.

     On the third day after lessons Draco's curiosity prevailed over him and he knocked at his godfather's door quietly. The man opened.

"What is it, Draco?"

"Umm... My apology, Severus. May I come in?"

"If you please." He let the boy in and returned to his work. Draco sat down on the chair near the desk where many pieces of parchment with notes and the samples of potion were.

"You look tired," he noticed.

"I'm working," the man said, writing something down. "How do you feel?"

"Better. The potion helps. I still feel dizzy and nauseous in the morning, but my stomach keeps the food down, and, believe me, it's already a miracle."

"Good," Severus nodded, preparing to brew another sample of potion.

"Your enthusiasm is contagious. Can I help?" Draco asked.

"No. You will only distract me and sabotage my work," Severus refused.

"Is that what you think of me? I thought I'm not that bad," the blond smiled with amusement.

"With all respect to your talent you'll still be putting me out."

"May I, at least, stay here for a while?"

"Yes, you may."

"So how is it?"

"Quite good, actually. I'm making a progress. The main problem is calculating the dose. It's individual. If the dose is too small, it won't work, and overdosing will fog your mind and make you incapable of thinking clearly. It's not harmful for your condition; therefore, I want to test it on you. We'll do it tomorrow."

     Draco couldn't wait for the end of the lessons to test the potion that would help him to keep his secrets. He had only this evening and the next day to prepare himself for the interrogation. Reading a book in the corridor between the lessons to kill the time, he felt that someone was watching him. He turned around and saw Luna Lovegood in some crazy kind of spectacles. She looked at his stomach and then smiled at him. He pulled his stomach in instinctively, but frowned at himself; he wasn't showing yet and he was skinny.

"Do you feel them?" she asked unexpectedly.

"Pardon me?" He frowned again. Was she scanning him somehow?

"Wrackspurts," she said. "Harry has plenty of them in his head and now, it seems some of them have settled down in your belly. They're his, I'm sure. They're like that, you know."

"Gods..." he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes tiredly. He felt light-headed, he hadn't slept well last night, and the last thing he wanted was a company of some inadequate person. "Sorry, I'm not that... gifted to understand anything you've just said. Look... Just go and annoy someone else. Don't be offended, but..."

"I'm not offended. No one should be," she smiled and went away, singing something cheerfully. He sighed and shook his head.

     After the lessons he came to Severus' chambers to test the potion that had to play a significant part in the upcoming events of his life. He had a great expectation for this invention.

     His expectations were exceeded, - the potion worked perfectly well with no side effects at all, and throughout the next day Severus was preparing him for the interrogation, so the boy wouldn't arouse any suspicions. Of course, Draco was fretting over it, but he had a very good support now, and it made him feel some confidence. He had to go through that ordeal.
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To Find The Missing Lifeline