Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Scars	By : KJmom827 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Lucius Views: 20250 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Scars
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 10
- 11
- 12
I'm staring into the fire when Pippi pops in with two plates full of cherry pie and two glasses of milk. This is exactly the reason I have such a soft spot for this particular elf. I didn't ask for milk, I likely won't drink it, but she knows how I love it, and she brought it without being asked. For any other elf that's as much a crime as not following an order. Not for her, though, she is intent on caring for her master, enough so, that she will risk punishment to do it.

"Thank you, Pippi, that will be all."

"It is Pippi's pleasure, Master," She dips once, in a strangely grotesque elfish curtsey before disappearing.

I'm left alone to contemplate the predicament I've created for myself. I won't, can't, pass up this wonderful chance to have something I've wanted for so long. On the other hand, I will certainly lose my son when he finds out. He may be willing to allow Harry to find happiness, he may be willing to lose Harry if he must, but not to me.

Am I so far gone that I will sacrifice Draco's love for Harry's? The answer to that question scares me. The answer is, unequivocally, yes. What kind of man - father - am I that I will cast aside my own flesh and blood -

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so long. Oh, the pie's here, brilliant. I'm starving," His flushed face makes me smile. Afterglow looks absolutely delicious on him. I have to wonder if it will be even better when I'm the one who's caused it.

"Tuck in, I'm sure it's fabulous," He shoots me a grin, grabs a plate, and sits in the chair next to mine.

"Mmmm, Merlin, this is heavenly," He closes his eyes as he chews and swallows.

"Indeed," I haven't taken a bite of my pie.

"Have you even tried it?"

"I wasn't talking about the pie."

"I know," There is a charge in the air that has me wondering if he's going to sling the plate aside and attack me. He seems to be considering, but thankfully, turns back to his food.

"If you expect me to be good, you can't say things like that and you definitely can't look at me like that."

I just can't help myself, "How am I looking at you, Harry?" I know my voice has taken on a dark, seductive tone. I'm leaning across the arm of my chair, trying to get closer, needing to get closer.

"Fuck, Lucius," He sets his pie on the table between us with a shaking hand and clasps his hands together in his lap, "You know what you're doing. I'm usually all for teasing, but not right now, ok? It's been…"

"Too long," I finish his sentence and feel just a little like the bastard that I am, "I'm sorry, Harry, I wasn't thinking."

"No, it's ok, I just feel like a teenager with all these bloody hormones and urges. What's worse though, is that I'm not and I know what I've been missing and it sucks. It all fucking sucks.," He finishes his rant with a growl and his hands ball into fists that swipe tears of frustration from his face.

"Harry, I'm truly very sorry," I'd like to open my arms to him and offer him some comfort. I don't. It won't end there and the comfort he might gain from it would be fleeting. "I promise the side effects will not last much longer. Perhaps, though, we should consider finding someone you can speak with about everything. Someone who isn't knit so tightly into the situation, someone who can be unbiased."

I know his tears aren't solely caused by his sexual irritation. His time with those nasty muggles. The war. The expectations of the wizarding world. His past issues with alcohol. The hellish years with Draco. All of that has taken its toll on him. It's too much for any one person to have to shoulder.

He takes a shuddering breath and nods his head. He visibly recomposes himself. He slowly leans back into the chair. His fists begin to relax. The hard line of his mouth softens. His legs stretch and his shoulders sag just a little. He finally exhales and turns to look at me.

"It's not you, you know that, right? Sometimes it all just seems like too much and I just want to scream. That doesn't usually happen when I'm with you, though. I usually feel more in control and calmer when you're around. It's just been a draining night, I guess."

"It's understandable, Harry. We'll look into finding a professional tomorrow."

"No, as embarrassing as it is to discuss this with someone I know, it would be worse to talk to a stranger. I'll go to the same person I always do. I just hope she was serious when she said she'd be there for me."

"Granger? Harry, you can't be serious. You need someone qualified to-"

"To what, Lucius? Pick apart my brain and tell me how fucked up I am? Prescribe some kind of medication that will make me listless, lethargic, and as impotent as I was yesterday? No, thanks. Hermione has a way of making me see things. She doesn't pull me apart like the quack jobs I've been to before, she puts me back together. She doesn't pat my head and tell me it will be okay, she tells me like it is and holds my hand when it's too much to bear. Man, I didn't realize how much I've missed her. I don't need help, I need a friend."

"I won't argue with you, for now, I just hope you're right."

"Lucius, trust me, Hermione is the best thing for me right now, aside from you, of course. I think you are the very best thing for me," Not by a long shot, but I wish I was.

"Harry, I'm probably the worst person in this entire world for you right now, or ever," I think about Draco, and it warms me, just a little, to think that maybe I'm not the very worst.

"No, you're not. I see you, Lucius. Believe it or not, I know you, and I like you. Hell, I love you. I know you aren't a saint, but you're my savior. You were saving me before you even knew it. Then, you showed up to do it physically. Yeah, there are some things in your past that would curdle my blood, I'm sure, but I'm not worried about your past. What matters is who you are now," That's what he thinks, and it's very Gryffindor of him, but if he only knew…

"I've killed people. I've killed adults and children alike and never batted an eye. I did anything and everything He asked of me, and then some if I thought it would keep me - and my family - in His good graces. I willingly sent Ginerva to what I thought would be her death. I did it because it would win me His favor. I'm not a good man, Harry. I don't live by the rules of society and it wasn't just because of Him. I would, this very night, strike down anyone who threatened me or the people I love. I do what I have to and I don't have a care for the causalities. I'm the same person now as I was then. I'll still be this way fifty years from now."

It's the truth and it may hurt him, or send him running, but it had to be said. He needs to know exactly what he's getting into and with whom. He has an illusion of me that must be shattered. If we are to embark on this journey, if we are to have anything of value, it can't start with starry-eyed, childish fascination. He must know what I'm capable of and love me anyway. In spite of it or because of it, that doesn't really matter, I just want no blinders or half-truths.

"You think I don't know? You really think I haven't a clue? The girl, Lucius, the half blood girl? The one you tortured just outside of Loughton? She was seven, brown hair, blue eyes, terror written all over her face even in death. I carried her back to her parents, listened to them scream and cry, listened to their demands for justice. Oh, I know. I know and I've come to terms with it. You did what you had to do to save your family. I did the same. We were on opposite sides of the war, but we're not that different. I've killed people too, usually on some else's orders and only those affiliated with Death Eaters, but a life is a life, is it not? What matters to me is that when I came for you, when I offered you, Narcissa, and Draco asylum, you accepted. You came with me and because of that, we won - because of that, I lived. I love you, Lucius Malfoy, and nothing you say will change that. Stop trying to scare me away, if that was going to work, I wouldn't have come here in the first place."

My first thought is to apologize to him for the girl. Cynthia, that was her name, and I sometimes still hear her screams. She was the youngest and most memorable. I wasn't aware that he knew it was I who tortured and killed the girl. Like the rest, she was marked for death and my denial to follow orders would have resulted in my own,. Though she haunts me, she is just another name on a list of people who unwillingly laid down their lives for the sake of my family. He is wrong about one thing though…

"We are not alike, Harry. You did what you did for the sake of the world. My actions, even the night I accepted your offer, were selfish."

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I didn't do it to save the world. I did it to avenge my parents, and I didn't stop with Him. Greyback, Bellatrix, and McNair? They all died after the fact, they all died in an explosion shortly before they were to be apprehended. Surely you remember that?" He's not saying what I think he's saying.

"Harry?"

"It was for Bill, Sirius, and Ginny. Vengeance is very sweet indeed. You see? We're not that different. I didn't get the chance to protect my family and friends, but if I had, no cost would have been too high."

It's in this moment that I realize he is no longer a child. Funny that I have been thinking of him as a boy all this time anyway. He's the same age as my son, but years wiser. He knows the world is covered in shades of grey and that, in order to survive and remain sane, one must sometimes walk in the shadows.

A/N: Don't hate Lucius after this, please? I wanted some dark, angsty, half-fluff. Is that even possible? Who better to try for that with than Lucius? Anyway, I didn't want you all thinking that Lucius had suddenly gone horribly soft. He is still a bastard, but he's a bastard that loves Harry, so that redeems him a little, right?
- 10
- 11
- 12
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Scars