Naked on your Chain | By : flagfish Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 6160 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor any of the characters, nor do I make any money from writing this story. |
James sat deflated at the Great Hall that evening, staring down at his charms book without reading a word. At his side, Peter had dozed off into his own crossed arms, the only one of his three best mates who wanted company. He wondered how they'd got themselves into this mess, but even best mates got into terrible arguments sometimes. James, himself, could never be completely selfless when it came to Sirius. You don't just give up someone you love, no matter how much it hurts someone else; he was only human, after all.
It all became frightfully complicated. There was Evans over at the Slytherin table, sat side by side with Snivellus Snape; James was too put out to even harass him properly. He twirled his wand with an air of disinterest, debating inwardly on a good spell to prank him, but his heart wasn't in it. James thought of how different his feelings were toward Lily versus toward Padfoot; Padfoot was really so much nicer. Well—toward him, anyway. James was aware that Lily reserved special animosity toward him and Sirius, and that she was likely a very nice witch toward others, like, for example, Snivelly. He thought, in a way, that he liked her for not being nice; it was a sort of cruelty that made him feel special.
At his side, Peter was drooling serenely onto the sleeve of his robe, his blond hair scattered over the tabletop; James watched him for several seconds, still trying to decide on a good spell to prank Snape. It would be more fun if Padfoot was there, so they could prank him together… he sighed, casting a half-assed expelliarmus on Severus' quill, and even Severus seemed unimpressed as he turned partway around, sliding his legs over the bench and then sinking to his knees to collect his quill from the floor. Lily turned around in her seat, shaking her head irritably, and James waved with a smile, but even that wasn't satisfying.
His attention was piqued when he noticed someone walking toward them, and he realized with an unpleasant lurch that it was Lucius Malfoy. What was he doing there? Lucius was the Slytherin prefect during their first year at school, but he graduated two years after that. Sirius told them he'd dated Narcissa, and what it was like to endure him at Christmas and during the summer. Things got all the worse when they were engaged to be married and he'd practically joined the family, as he was every bit as insufferable as Naricssa, herself. A match made in heaven, Padfoot would say with sarcasm, and then complain the two spent too much time at his house and not enough at Malfoy Manor.
James didn't quite remember what Lucius looked like then, but he did remember his near-white blond hair, which now trailed halfway down his back. Severus looked up as he'd approached, apparently not quite as surprised to find him there as James, and Lily appeared uneasy when he sat at Severus' side. James frowned, wishing he could hear what they were saying; at one point, both Severus and Lucius turned their heads toward him (James waved and smiled again) before Lucius shook his head, proceeding to pull out his wand.
He didn't try to spell James, though; he cast a cleaning spell on Severus' clothes, where ink had spilled earlier when he'd scrambled after his quill. Severus gazed down at his own robe, where now Lucius was straightening his collar and his tie, as though he still were a fifth-year prefect and Severus a first-year student. James watched this transpire with mild disinterest, head resting on the palm of his hand, until he noticed that now, despite her overly-obvious annoyance, Lily was watching the two Slytherins intently. He realized that, first off, Lucius was probably there as part of Sirius' extended family who'd come to meet with McGonagall, and, second, that Severus was probably entirely oblivious to the fact that being tended to this way was earning him more points with Evans than following her around all day ever did.
Who cares, he's only here today, James thought, Padfoot and I were at it much longer. Still, it irritated him to see Lily intrigued by someone else this way, especially Snivellus, and considering all James had heard from Sirius about the Malfoys and blood purity, he wondered how Lily could even be watching at all. Did she not realize how much into all that bollocks Lucius was…? He's not that fit anyway, James thought, before he realized he was checking out another bloke. This is definitely Padfoot's bad influence.
He did feel a bout of newfound motivation to prank Snivellus, though; maybe it was time for an old favorite. Directing his wand just toward Severus' back, he called," levicorpus…!" But Lucius was too quick for him; he gripped Snape round the shoulder and pulled him down, so that the spell missed. "Bollocks," James muttered, but before he could do more, his own wand was knocked out of his hand by a loud "expelliarmus…!"
Peter had startled awake and was gazing around in confusion, a wet stream of drool still at his chin. James glared at Lucius as he pushed himself back from the bench in order to pick up his wand. Lily regarded him with combined contentment and surprise, actually smiling, while Severus slowly straightened himself, sheepish and embarrassed to have needed help.
What, James wondered, would he do if Sirius were transferred? Would he be stuck pranking Snivellus alone for the remainder of his time at school? He made a mental note of getting Snape again the following morning, when he was by himself, but realized it just wasn't as much fun. He sat back down on the bench with Peter, who now was slowly gazing at a watch he had on a chain inside his robe and murmuring something about how long was I out? "I dunno, twenty minutes?" James said in reply, still gazing at Evans, still thinking about Padfoot, and also about Moony.
Both of them wanted to be left alone that night, and while he believed that Sirius said so out of guilt toward Remus, James couldn't help but sympathize; after all Remus had said, Prongs sticking around to console and comfort Padfoot would only make things worse for Moony. And Moony would be right; James would have loved to stick around to console and comfort Sirius just then, he couldn't help himself. Truth be told, though, he would have liked to be there for Remus, too, but Remus would have none of it. So there James was, revising with Peter, staring at Lily and Snivellus and Lucius.
"Oi, Evans…!" he shouted, "Gryffindor table's right here…!"
Severus started to turn toward James, but Lily nudged him and shook her head. This was rubbish, ever since he and Sirius stopped, he no longer had her interest.
XXX
Sirius was suspended from school for two weeks. He was very blatantly unhappy about it, wishing to be anywhere else in the world than the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. He was shown little sympathy, though, because while a prank had its charm, violence did not—even if it were violence against a blood purity prat like his daft little brother.
"It's only suspension," Remus had said, not looking up from his schoolwork, but James could tell he was conflicted inside; Remus still didn't believe Sirius' mother would have him transferred, or so he told himself, anyway. Sirius was purely unhappy. While he didn't dare speak of it again, his heart pained at the thought of Moony kissing his brother, even more so when he thought of how Remus had said it was just like him and Prongs. Had Moony thought he'd kissed Prongs behind his back?
You wanted to, Remus had said, and Sirius denied it straight away, but somewhere in the back of his mind it did leave him wondering. Did he want to? All those years when James, for all intents and purposes, was decidedly straight, did he want to?
And all those mornings when he'd wake up at the Shack, still a dog, curled on the mattress beside Remus—who was human and asleep and naked as the day he was born—
did he want to…?
Yes, he'd wanted to transform back and—
and what…?
He was to be taken home the next morning, and he refused to pack his things, he glared angrily at the canopy of his bed as he lay down and played with an empty cigarette box. He'd have to make sure to smoke plenty of these while at home, in every which room in the house; really, though, the thought of going back had him very deflated. He imagined his parents visiting Regulus on the ward, listening to him cry about how traumatic an experience it all was for him, he'd probably hear all about it soon enough. He's a much nicer person than you, Remus had said, and the betrayal pierced through him like a knife; he wondered if Remus would say so if he'd heard what his brother had to say about half-bloods and werewolves.
Now on his last night at school for a while, he wished Moony would talk to him, but the anger was too fresh in Moony's mind; he seemed still shaken up from their argument before, and James had glanced at him sympathetically and asked them both to come out with him and Peter, but Remus declined, and then Sirius declined, as well. He hated that now even the most innocent things he could be doing with Prongs felt like betrayal against Moony. Whatever happened to the four of them being the greatest of friends…?
He pretended to be asleep when he heard the door open, it sounded like Peter and James had come back; there came the rustling of bags and footsteps in the room, the opening and shutting of drawers… they were speaking in hushed tones, thinking he's asleep, and soon he could tell even with eyes shut that the lights had gone out, he heard a faint lumos as James produced a dim light with his wand as to see through the dark. Remus still hadn't returned.
He wondered if he was back on the ward, meeting with Regulus, the two of them bonded by mutual loathing for him, both being so nice to each other. He imagined what the next full moon would be like—would Remus ask James not to bother coming along—or would it be the stag and the rat, just no dog?
It was dreadfully depressing. He'd always thought of his friends as his real family, but now it felt like this real family had all but fallen apart. There came a weight on his mattress, and he realized James had sat down at his side; he felt compelled in part to open his eyes and talk to him, and in part to wait and see if James kissed him— and part of him shouted it would be horribly wrong— and also, he wanted to ask, where's Moony, and can we please stop all this bollocks, and I love all three of you, why does it have to be this way…?
"Padfoot," James whispered, "You asleep, mate?"
He really wanted to reply that he wasn't, but he held his tongue. James waited a few moments more. "It's just two weeks, mate," he whispered, "if they still decide to send you to Durmstrang, there's no way we'd let them, we'll do something, you'll see…"
A few moments more passed, then he felt the weight on the mattress give way as James began to stand up; "Where's Moony?" Sirius whispered, and James hesitated.
"Thought you was asleep," he said, voice going from a whisper to a low speaking tone, and Sirius merely replied, "No, I'm awake."
"Oh, well—I don't know," James lied, because he knew Remus indeed had gone to the ward, where Regulus was doing a little better, but still bandaged and not in proper form to go.
"You're a terrible liar," Sirius said, but he didn't pursue beyond that. His heart ached that he couldn't be with all three of his friends on his last night there for a while. He genuinely missed Remus, but anything he thought to say to him now would sound daft and trite.
He and James talked for a little bit longer before they finally both went to sleep, James reminding him to take his mirror along so they could talk, he'd told him pranking Snivellus by himself just wasn't the same… Peter, who'd listened in, called across the room to Sirius, murmuring a sleepy stay strong, Padfoot, and will be shite without you here, you know.
After that, Sirius stayed in his bed in the darkness, still in his day clothes, still wide awake even when his body grew tired; he waited and wondered how late it was, and why it was that Remus still hadn't returned. Was he really so profoundly upset? Was he not going to see him off at all, would he stay the night with Regulus, just to hurt him back? He'd thought how gentle and good-natured Remus had been, how he was a little ticklish when Sirius touched him, how when James had kissed Sirius, Remus had said, I want to do that, too—
It occurred to him how much something like that must have hurt. It occurred to him he should have realized when Remus asked James about him in potions that he'd already been hurt at that time.When he thought in that light of the things he'd said to Remus at Hogsmeade, he shrank with a bout of regret; it was he who'd asked Remus if he'd fancied him, but even after Remus admitted humbly that he did, Sirius said he didn't fancy people, himself.
Moony didn't tell you stuff, but Sirius hadn't figured, himself, that he'd been unintentionally cruel toward one of his best mates.
It wasn't for another hour or so that finally the door to their room came unlocked, and he listened to rustling and footsteps as Remus stepped in. He watched every move in the darkness, the way he pulled down his bag, as he began to fumble with the fastens of his robe, the way his nimble fingers quickly unraveled his tie—he was so distinctly Moony that Sirius could almost forget they weren't just best mates as usual, and that he couldn't call out some joke or casual remark, Oi, Moony, out past curfew without the rest of us…?
Would he really not see him for two weeks without so much as goodbye…?
Remus had disrobed completely and then dressed for sleep, and Sirius watched him climb into bed and then draw the drapes, and soon there was rustling of sheets, then silence after that.
He didn't know how long he'd lay there, listening to the distant sounds of night birds somewhere outside, and the old tower settling, the occasional rustling of someone stirring in bed; he sat up very slowly, quietly pulling his long legs over the mattress and then reaching down to the floor. There were the silhouettes of furniture in the room, outlined black in the darkness, he padded in his socks past Peter and James, wondering if they'd heard. Whether Remus was already asleep or if he were just pretending, Sirius didn't know; but his friend made no sound as he slowly climbed into his bed, and no sound as he slid beneath the covers, and when his arm reached slowly around him. Very tentatively, Sirius brought his face just to the nape of his neck, and he kissed him so lightly he might not have felt it at all; "I miss you, Moony," he whispered honestly, "I'm sorry, I never meant..."
Whether or not Moony was asleep, he didn't say anything in return. Sirius stayed at his side till morning, and when he awoke, the bed was unmade and Moony already was gone.
XXX
Perhaps the only nice thing about being back at number twelve, Grimmauld Place was Bellatrix's old stash of Playwitches. She'd moved out when she married and her room was locked shut even after alohomora, but Sirius had a knife for exactly occasions like these. It was underage magic, trying to spell the door open, but so were the permanent sticking charms he'd used for all the stuff on the walls up in his room; they were going to transfer him, anyway.
Much easier to get at Bella's stuff now, without the shouting and chases and items set flying in his wake, I'll kill you, she'd yell as she thundered after him, eyes wide and hands scrambling for her wand as he'd dart to the end of the second story corridor, then jump out the window and onto the incline that led to the roof—
He sighed now as he lay on his bed with a stack of her old magazines, his various bikini-clad muggle women smiling at him from the walls, and he wondered if he shouldn't just date women for a while; they were much less trouble, it seemed. Still, the wizard in the Playwitch centerfold made a convincing argument to the contrary with his mostly-open quidditch robe and the quaffle that just barely obscured his member, but didn't quite.
He wondered what his best mates were doing. He wondered if James was left to prank old Snivelly all on his own; you'd think lying in bed and looking at porn instead of being in class was ideal, but he'd rather be at Hogwarts any day.
It wasn't until his fourth night back home that he was stirred awake very late by a voice he'd detested as far back as he could remember.
"Get out of my room, Kreacher," Sirius slurred, face buried in his pillow, hair scattered, not having shaved in some time.
"As Master wishes," the bitter voice croaked, full of loathing. "However, following Master Regulus' orders, I've brought a visitor here who wished to see you."
(On to Chapter 12)
A/N: I would love to find someone interested in roleplaying these guys (if this is still on here then I'm still looking, haha!) By far my favorite pairing is James/Sirius, but I could do Sirius/Remus as well; I'm aware that Sirius/Remus is a much more popular pairing, and for years I've had a very hard time finding anyone interested in RPing James/Sirius— so I'd love you if you felt like trying it out! ^^ I don't mind at all if you haven't RPd these guys before, if English isn't your first language, if you're a little shy, or if you're new to this fandom or to RPing; I just like writing with someone else who's passionate about the same stuff =) If you feel like giving it a go, then please reach me through the contact info on my profile. Thank you! ^^
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