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Coming of Age (Female Potter)	By : stargazer67 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 11694 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
Snape becomes a fairly regular afternoon visitor to Grimmauld Place; telling himself he’s just checking up on Evie, and is just being polite when she invites him to stay for a cup of tea (that often ends up stretching into several). He wonders to himself why he never noticed that she was easy to talk to and a good listener (the inner voice acidly remarks that he was always too busy trying to find fault with her to notice, before now).
They steer clear of any emotional or overly personal topics, by unspoken agreement; but, much like two strangers thrown together on a long cross-country trip, they begin to get to know one another via small, non-intrusive exchanges of information. Even just that small a degree of openness with another person is something he hasn't had (nor encouraged) for the majority of his life; and while he's finding that he likes it, he also knows that if there were any other witnesses to their conversations he would probably return to his usual acerbic and taciturn self. Being willing to be a bit more open with her still doesn't mean he's ready to embrace all of humanity.
He’s been a member of the Order for years now, but even so he’d never really considered Grimmauld Place to be any sort of sanctuary; but it’s slowly coming to feel like one in a way that even Hogwarts isn’t, now (because there are just too many other souls at Hogwarts to intrude on him). He can’t really continue to fool himself that he’s just coming to check up on Evie, that he’s just there for her; he has finally admitted to himself that he is getting as much out of it as she is. And that he feels at least somewhat comfortable with it, it doesn’t feel threatening to him.
But, not long after he’s come to that point, his internal peace is shattered again when Evie asks him how Dumbledore is doing, whether his hand is any better. So comfortable has Snape gotten with her that he nearly tells her without thinking; stopping with the words literally just behind his teeth and having to amend them to say it’s about the same. He manages to successfully mask the pain from the terrible realization that her question has brought him to; taking his leave as soon as he can afterwards without making his departure seem too abrupt.

Once back in his rooms at Hogwarts, he sits utterly dejected as the afternoon stretches into evening. He misses dinner completely, not even noticing. The promise he’d so unwillingly made to Dumbledore about the curse…it was already going to be unbearably hard to have to carry out as it was. But now, he knows beyond doubt that it will also mean the end of his friendship with Evie.
After another hour or so of brooding, he reluctantly makes his way to Dumbledore’s office. Once there, he can’t seem to speak at all – he can’t seem to find any words. Dumbledore can see the misery etched on his face, and at first tries to wait him out, then tries to engage him in small talk to help him lead up to whatever he’s got on his mind, but neither effort works. Snape just paces in his office, occasionally stopping and looking at him like he’s going to say something, but then just resuming his restless pacing.
Finally Dumbledore gets up and pours two shots of firewhiskey, and handing one to Snape, says, “Here – down this and just come out with it, whatever it is. You’re wearing me out just watching you.”
Snape looks at the glass dubiously and finally gulps down the contents, making a face at the burn; and then settles in a chair, head down, as Dumbledore resumes his own seat.
Snape eventually sighs and says, “It’s Evie. We’ve…well, we’ve become friends. Don’t smile at me like that, if I didn’t know better I’d suspect you’ve had that in mind all along, given how often you’ve tasked me with seeing to her in the past year.”
Dumbledore continues to smile at him for a moment, but Snape isn't sure whether the smile means he hit a mark with that last statement, or just amused Dumbledore with the thought of himself as a sort of matchmaker. Growing serious again, Dumbledore replies, “So, what is the problem? Do you want more than that and she doesn’t, or is it something else?”
Snape looks down quickly and Dumbledore again smiles to himself, but puts a serious look back on his face before Snape looks up again and says to him, “The curse, Albus. The task I already don’t want to perform for you. She’s going to think I betrayed her as well as you. Unless she can be told it’s going to happen?”
Dumbledore can see the hope on Severus’s face as he asks the question, and considers it for a long moment. He finally sighs a bit and says, “No, sadly I don’t think she can be. She’s barely gotten over Sirius’s death, and there is too much that we still need to do. I think if she knew what my situation was, she’d lose heart; and that would be bad for all of us in the end.”
Snape looks down at the empty glass in his hands and nods, but not before Dumbledore can see the disappointment. Dumbledore goes on a bit more gently, saying “I don’t think the situation is without hope even so, Severus. Evie is not blind, nor heartless; and I think if you are willing to open up fully to her afterwards, she’ll forgive you. And will be just as true a friend to you then as she is now.”
Snape gives a resigned sigh and says, “That’s assuming she will even listen to anything I have to say, afterwards. She may not be heartless, but she can carry a grudge…”
Dumbledore raises an eyebrow and Snape stops and tightens his jaw, well aware that Dumbledore is highlighting the irony to him that he carried his own grudge against her for years, simply for having been James’s daughter.
“…Anyway, I cannot imagine that she’ll want to hear anything I have to say, afterwards.”
Dumbledore replies, “A valid concern, Severus. However, I believe I can help with that much, at least. I will make sure that you have at least one opportunity to talk with her afterwards, when you are ready to.”
Snape isn’t sure how he’s going to manage that, but he nods finally. Setting down his empty glass, he returns to his rooms.

Snape still finds himself drawn to Grimmauld Place even after this; and at this point both of them have given up any pretense of him checking on her. The only mention she makes of it at all is that Remus and the others had agreed that once she’d been completely free of the attacks for an extended period, it should be safe for her to have the twins there by herself again, and she’s looking forward to that. She visits them often but it’s just not the same.
But even though he still seeks her out, Snape keeps always in the back of his mind that he knows their days of easy communication are basically numbered. He at first tries to limit his visits a bit more, but it just makes him miserable; the more time he spends with her, the more time he finds he wants to spend with her.
For him it’s like having let a genie out of a bottle; once the stopper was opened, it became impossible to stuff it back in. He finds himself looking forward to the end of the last class of the day so he can Apparate to Grimmauld Place. Finds himself storing up little things to tell her during the day. Envisioning what expressions they will bring to her face; a smile, a frown of concentration.
He often finds himself studying her face when she’s not looking, memorizing her features. As he’s gotten to know her better she has reminded him less and less of her mother; she’s just ‘herself’ to him now. And even though they’ve never spoken of it since that one day, she also has begun to heal that terrible wound in his heart that he’s carried for so many years.
Eventually, he also has to admit that he has begun to feel a bit more than just friendship when it comes to her. He has no idea how she feels; he knows that she considers him a friend at this point, but she hasn’t given any indication that she feels any more for him than that.
But overlaying it all is still the knowledge that it will all come crashing down, when he does what he has to do. He decides that he’ll just enjoy the friendship they have, while they have it, and not hope for anything more. Even though he knows that every hour he spends with her now will make what he has to do later just that much harder in the end.
- 10
- 11
- 12
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Coming of Age (Female Potter)