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Demons	By : Madam_Weasley Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Draco/Ron Views: 3062 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters. I do not make any money from this story

Chapter List
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  I go to work on Thursday. I avoid Harry. I’m distracted and can’t concentrate on anything. I have no clue what is going to happen now. I had trouble sleeping last night. I would see Fred, but only alive and smiling. I saw Malfoy a lot too. I have no idea what to say to Malfoy when I see him again. Now that I’ve put myself out there I’m even more terrified than before. I don’t even know how to approach him. The day goes so slowly I swear it won’t end. When it’s finally time to go Harry pokes his head into my office.
                “Remember. Dinner tomorrow. I will get you there.”
                “I know.”
~~*~~*~~*~~
                I lay around all day, trying to read. I made brownies. But my mind kept wandering. I have no idea what to do now. I can’t deny that I like being with Weasley. Even though we’ve done nothing but drink, fight, kiss, and sleep. One week, that’s all I’ve been here. How can I like him already? Probably because he’s the first person to pay attention to me and not seem to judge me. Even if that’s true, why would being close to Julie make my skin crawl? I have no reason to like being around Weasely other than the fact that we are both fucked up and it’s nice to have someone understand that. This makes no damn sense.
~~*~~*~~*~~
                I hesitate outside of Malfoy’s door. I was supposed to have taken him to Diagon Alley and I haven’t. I want to see if he wants to go today but I’m afraid to knock on the door. I am so damn stupid! Why did I say those things last night? I may have completely fucked everything up. Gryffindor bravery right? I knocked.
                Malfoy opened the door and he looked as nervous as I felt. We reacted better after beating the shit out of each other.
                “Uh, Hi.” I run a hand through my hair. “I was wondering if you still wanted to go to Diagon Alley.” Hand through my hair again. “If so I can take you, if you want.” I run my hand through my hair again. STOP WITH THE FUCKING HAIR!
                “Yeah. Actually there are a few things I need to do there if you don’t mind. I can always take the Knight Bus.”
                “No, I don’t mind.”
                “Ok. When did you want to go?”
                “I thought we could go now if that’s ok with you. I am going to Harry’s tomorrow for dinner so I won’t be coming home after work.”
                He nods at me. “Ok, let me get my stuff.”
                I shuffle around the corridor while he gets his stuff. “You can come in. We can disapparate from in here.”
                I step through the doorway as he comes back, securing things in the pocket of his robes. I’ve not seen him in robes since he’s been here. He typically wears muggle clothing.
                We look at each other for a moment, not sure what to do. When Harry, Hermione and I did this in 7^th year we held hands. I don’t feel I should do that with Malfoy. Then I remember when Dumbledor took Harry for side along apperation Harry held his arm. Offering my arm to Malfoy seems oddly formal and like I consider him a girl. Damnit, why is this so hard? Malfoy finally reaches out and grabs my forearm and I’m relieved that I didn’t do or say anything stupid.
                We turn and are gone. We show up in a side alley by Ollivander’s.
                “So do you want to meet up someplace when you are done?” I ask, stepping away from him.
                “We can, or you can come with me. I only have a few stops.”
                “Sure, I can come with you.”
~~*~~*~~*~~
                Merlin’s beard this is insane. We can’t even talk to each other anymore. I didn’t think we’d ever figure out how to even get here. We’ve kissed and I can’t bring myself to touch him.
                “I have to go to Madam Malkin’s and The Daily Profet.” I had received an Owl from Mr. Twilliger telling me that an account had been set up at both places so that I could make my purchases and the money would be removed from my account by Mr. Twilliger.
                We head to the Daily Profet first. I just need to put in an application for delivery. It doesn’t take any time at all and we head to Madam Malkin’s. This is the first time I’ve been out in public since my release. No one seems to notice me but many people say hi to Weasley. I’m ok not being noticed but I do feel a longing for when I was younger and it was fun to come here.
                We get to Madam Malkin’s and Weasley sits in a chair in the waiting area flipping through a Quidditch magazine while I get fitted. I sneak glances at him while he’s reading. He’s always been tall and never big, but he is downright skinny now. He has bags under his eyes and his freckles stand out against his pale skin. His hair hits his shoulders and is messy since he kept running his hands through it. That thought made me smile. He’s as nervous as I am, he just doesn’t hide it as well. It’s really not smart for someone at broken as me to like someone as broken as him. But I do. I sigh as I look at him and at that moment he looks up and straight into my eyes. I’m embarrassed to be caught watching him but he gives me a small unsure smile and I return the exact same type of smile.
~~*~~*~~*~~
                After Malfoy has his robes I head to Florean Fortescue’s for ice cream. I may not eat much anymore but I never pass up ice cream.   Malfoy heads straight for a table.
                “Aren’t you going to order anything?”
                “This is a want. Not a need. My money is completely controlled by the Ministry.”
                “Of for the love of… What do you want?”
                “I’m fine.”
                “I’ll get you something either way, you may as well like what you get.”
                “You don’t have to.”
                “Noted. What the hell do you want?
                “Raspberry then.”
                I return with the ice cream and hand him is.
                “Thank you.” He says this as if I’ve given him something in credible instead of an ice cream.
                “Welcome. So, why do you need dress robes?”
                “I have to find a job and I figure if I need to go to interviews I should look professional. It’s why I got the Profet, to look at job postings.”
                “Huh… I never pictured you having a job. Just lording over people.”
                “Well, maybe at one time that was the track my life was on. It’s derailed. So you’re going to Potter’s tomorrow?”
                “Yeah. He threatened to stun me and apparate me there if I didn’t come willingly. I kind of think he will. He’s been asking me for ages to come over and now that him and Ginny are getting married he’s been asking me more often. He keeps going on about being worried about me.”
                “Must be nice.”
                “What? Having someone pestering you all the time? ‘Are you ok Ron?’ ‘Do you need to talk?’ ‘I’m here for you if you need me.’”
                “Wow, tough life. People that care. You do remember me saying that my parents are still in Azkaban and I don’t have a clue when they’ll get out? And that I’m not allowed to contact old friends?”
                “You always had to win didn’t you?”
                He laughs and looks around. “Thank you again for bringing me. I was a little nervous about coming here. But it’s been good.
We finish our ice cream in comfortable silence while watching the various witches and wizards walk by. When we finish we walk back to the alley by Ollivander’s and disapperate back to my flat.
“Thanks again Weasley. I really should get these hung up.” he lifts the bag with his robes in it.
“Sure. Yeah. And you’re welcome.”
He gives me a small smile at the door and goes back to his apartment. Things seemed simpler before I told him how I felt. What the hell am I going to do?
~~*~~*~~*~~
Friday. Dinner with Ginny and Harry. I can do this. I was in public yesterday and I didn’t flip out. I can do this.
Harry and I have to go out on a call for a suspected Death Eater that was never tried. He put up a fight and we ended up getting him. However, both Harry and I got hit in the process. He was shooting of hexes and spells like crazy. Neither of us were injured, but it hurt like hell.
We finish up our paperwork and Harry is standing over my desk.
“Can I help you?” I ask looking up at him.
“Nope, just making sure you are coming home with me.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “You gonna buy me dinner first?”
“Shut up. Let’s go.”
I chuckle and stand.
“It’s nice to see you joking again.” Damn, it’s starting already. I don’t respond.
“I’ll meet you there.” I say.
“Yeah right. Side along. I don’t trust you.”
“Wow. And here I thought I was your best mate.” I say has he grabs my arm. No hesitation like with Malfoy last night. And we’re gone.
“Ron! You came!” Ginny throws her arms around my neck and hugs harder than necessary. I pat her on the back and untangle myself from her.
“Hey Gin.”
“Dinner is almost ready.” She says as she heads back into the kitchen.
“I’m really glad you’re here mate.” Harry claps me on the shoulder and hangs up his traveling cloak. I throw mine over a chair.
Dinner is ok. I pick at my plate and push my food around. I ate a few bites. Ginny and Harry are watching me. I try to stay upbeat, but I just don’t feel like eating.
“Hey Gin. Can I talk with Harry alone?” I ask after dinner.
“Sure.” She looks a little hurt but she leaves after giving me a kiss on the head. I roll my eyes at Harry but he only offers a small smile in return.
“You want a drink?” Harry asks.
“No, I’m good.”
He raises an eyebrow at me. “No drink?”
“I’ve been drinking a bit more than I should be lately.”
He nods and looks at me expectantly.
I fiddle with my napkin and refuse to make eye contact. I had decided today that I needed to be a little more honest with Harry.
“I’ve not been doing too well lately.”
“I know.”
“I tried to kill myself the other night.” Harry fights with himself. I’m finally talking so he’s trying to stay calm but I could catch his sudden movement out of the corner of my eye. Not sure what he was moving for, it’s not like I was trying to hurt myself right this moment.
I stretch out in my chair, legs in front of me and hands in my lap, continuing to twist my napkin. Harry’s quiet but I know he has questions.
“Go ahead. Ask.” I say without looking up.
“Why?” His voice is tight. The way it gets when he’s been thinking about his parents.
“I’m broken.”
“What does that mean?
“Ever since the war. I’ve been… broken. It’s the best word I have for it. I have nightmares, guilt, anger. I’m jealous of how all of you have moved on with life and I am stuck reliving it every fucking night. I can hardly eat or sleep. I am irritated by everyone and everything. I wanted it to end. The pain I felt all the time. So a few days ago I tried to slit my wrists.”
I look up at him. I can see the questions flying through his head. He doesn’t know what to ask first. He looks sick, scared, and confused.
“Ron. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry for what? I pushed you all away. I’m well aware of everything I’ve done.”
“What… What stopped you? I mean I’m glad you didn’t do it. But, what made you change your mind?”
I hesitate before answering. This is part of the reason I decided to talk to Harry. After my conversation with Malfoy about having people care I thought I should start somewhere. But I also wanted to talk a bit about Malfoy.
“Malfoy.”
“Excuse me?”
“I guess I should start at the beginning. I told you Malfoy moved into my building. But he lives right beside me. The first time I saw him I lost it. I attacked him and beat the shit out of him. Broke his nose and everything.” Harry smiles at me, it had been a dream of ours all through school, but he notices something in me and his smile fades. “I almost killed him that night Harry. First I was beating him and he never once raised a hand to defend himself or hit me back. I pointed my wand at his chest and screamed I was going to kill him. I think I would have too if he hadn’t begged me to do it. He’s pretty broken too. I walked away from him then. But I heard screaming that night. Horrible screams. For the first time in a long time it wasn’t me screaming in my sleep, when I could sleep. I didn’t know where it was coming from and I went to check. It was from his flat. I went in, auror duty you know, and He was thrashing in his bed screaming. I woke him up and he just kept saying he was sorry. He hadn’t fixed his nose or anything. I asked about it and found out that he doesn’t have a wand since he got out of Azkaban. Anyway, the next night I went to apologize and we actually started talking. About why he screams at night when he closes his eyes. His answer was because he’s alive. I completely understood that. Harry, for the past four years I’ve felt it should have been me that died. Not Fred. I feel guilty that I’m alive. That everyone would have been better off without me and with Fred here. I told all of that to Malfoy. The first person in years I talk to and it’s him. Anyway, I ran out of there and for some reason he came to check on me and found me with the knife. I hadn’t done anything yet. I rambled on about something, poking at myself with the knife. Just when I was about to do it he knocked me off my bed. We fought. This time he fought back. He got the knife away from me but in the process I had cut him. He slammed me against the wall a couple of times and pinned me there. I told him it should have been me. You know what he said to me? “ Harry shakes his head, his eyes huge and glassy. He’s chewing on his bottom lip. “He told me it shouldn’t have been either of us. Turns out Malfoy feels a lot of regret from those days too. He was forced to do some stuff and others he chose. But he feels the guilt from what he did and I feel the guilt for living. I’ve been drinking a lot lately as I said and I’ve managed to get into 3 fist fights with Malfoy, breaking his nose twice. To be fair he broke mine once. And I also tried to start a fight that he walked away from.”
I take a deep breath.
“Anyway, having Malfoy around has helped. He understands me. He knows what it’s like to wake up screaming every night, to be haunted by your past, to want to die. It’ been nice to have someone who doesn’t try to down play how you’re feeling.”
                “I wouldn…” I hold up a hand to stop Harry from replying.
                “Yes you would. You would want to make me feel better. Try to reassure me. It would have been well meaning, but it would have glossed over how I feel. This is how I feel. This is how I have felt for the past 4 years. I think I would have been the least missed out of all of us. I have nothing special to offer my family, friends or the world.”
                We’re silent for a long while. I have nothing else to say right now and Harry keeps opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
                “I’m so sorry.” he finally says. Not what I was expecting.
                “For what?”
                “For not being the friend you need. But you’re right. I would have told you that you were crazy for thinking that. Hell, I want to say it now. But if it’s how you really feel I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I haven’t been there for you. What can I do? I know it’s a bit late now, but I’m serious. You ARE my best mate.” He reaches across the table and covers my hand and squeezes.
                “Honestly, I don’t know. Beating the hell out of Malfoy helped, but I’m past that now. Talking to him has also helped. He didn’t try to tell me I’m crazy.” Harry develops a pained expression when I say this. “It’s not just you. Any of my family would have said the same thing. Malfoy and I have even cried together. We’re quite pathetic really.” I say in an attempt to get Harry to laugh but it doesn’t work.
                “So you and Malfoy are friends?”
                “Yeah, I guess we are. Weird huh? Do you remember how you used to go on about how Hermione and I never understood how it felt to face You-Know-Who?” He nods. “It’s the same thing I think. You don’t have these feelings, Hermione doesn’t have these feelings. You don’t understand. It’s horrible really. I’m terrified of sleeping. I pace contently and if I do fall asleep it’s only for an hour or two before I wake up in a sweat, screaming.”
                “So it was never loud neighbors?”
                “Nope, I am the loud neighbor. Well, me and Malfoy. But I think our dysfunctional relationship has been helpful to him too. He doesn’t scream as much at night either.”
                We sit there for a little while longer, not talking.
                “Now that you’ve told me all of this. Will you talk to me now?”
                “To be honest I’ll probably go to Malfoy first, but yes I will talk to you. But I need you to promise not to tell my family about this. I don’t want to worry mum.”
                “As long as you aren’t hurting yourself.”
                “Thank you.” This time I reach over and grab his hand and give it a squeeze. “But I should be going. Believe it or not, this has been absolutely exhausting for me. I’ve been worrying about it for days.”
                “Please, Ron. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I mean it.”
                “I know you do and I will. OI, GINNY! I’M LEAVING!”
                She skips down the stairs and stops in front of me. “You know you can stay.”
                “I know. Thank you. But I just want to go home.” We hug and then I hug Harry.
                “I’ll see you Monday, ok?”
                “Yep.”
                I apperate back home and head straight to bed. I wasn’t lying. Today has exhausted me. I’m hoping that the exhaustion will mean no nightmares. I crawl in bed and fall asleep almost immediately.
                ~~*~~*~~*~~
                I spend Friday combing through the job postings. I found a couple that wouldn’t be horrible and mark them. I also catch up on the wizading world as a whole. It seems life has resumed in the past 4 years. I read and take another walk around the block. I need more to do in my life. Finding a job may be a necessity to keep me from going completely mad.
                I go to bed early but don’t got to sleep. I stay up and read, for a very long time. I hear noise in Weasley’s flat around 11. I hate to admit it but I can feel the tension leave my neck and shoulders when I realize he’s home. I’m suddenly tired and I put my book down and roll over to try to go to sleep.
                I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I’m sitting bolt upright. The screams so loud they sound like they are in the same room as me. Weasley screaming “NO” over and over and then “FRED!”
                I hope he hasn’t locked the door and I go over to his flat. He hasn’t locked it. I get to his room and he’s thrashing and screaming. I don’t know what to do. I need to wake him up but I can’t get close to him. It hits me that this must be what I look like. What I sound like. It’s horrible. It’s horrible to see and horrible to hear. My heart aches for him because I know exactly how he feels.
                “WEASLEY!” I grab his right arm as it swings towards me.
                “WEASLEY! WAKE UP!” He’s pulling and trying to swing his arm.
                “RON!” have I ever said his first name before?
                I can’t seem to get through to him, to make him hear me.
                I pin his arm to his chest and kneel on the bed. I slap him across the face. Why are we always hitting each other?
                His eyes snap open but I can tell he isn’t seeing me, not yet.
                “RON! Come on. Wake up! RON!”
                His cheeks are wet with tears. Almost every night he watches his brother die.
                “Come on Ron.” he’s still struggling against me but I hold his arm down and keep talking. Finally his eyes focus and he sees me.
                “Malfoy?”
                His breathing is fast and shallow. He starts to take deep breath to calm himself. He closes his eyes and puts his arm across his face. He rolls over and puts his back to me. I sit there for a minute and without really thinking about it I get in bed beside him. I lay on my side facing away from him. Pressed back to back.
                After about 5 minutes of complete silence… “Thank you Draco.”
                “You’re welcome.” I whisper back.
- 10
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- 12
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Demons