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The Yankees Nephew and the Philosophers Stone	By : Wilde_Guess Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 5806 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 5
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Universe I am making no money from this fanfiction

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
Chapter 11. Quintets and Tests.

“I know we’re doing much different shit, ‘cause of the band. But how do Hogsmeade Weekends work if you’re not in a band run by a family of diplomats and bootleggers? And with the band stuff, we’ve only gotten haircuts and a quick browse at the music shop. What else is here?”

Tom Daley had indeed asked a very good question. He, along with the rest of David’s group of seven boys and four teenage ghosts was on stage in The Three Broomsticks, behind a noise canceling set of curtains. It was the ninth of October 1982, and the first “Hogsmeade Weekend” for the majority of the student body. Out of their group, not counting the four student ghosts, only Joe would have been in Hogsmeade if it weren’t for the band, since he was the only third year student.

Duncan decided to explain. “Today, Hogwarts usually only allows some students to leave the school during the school year, just like any other British boarding school. I won’t count legitimate family emergencies, since those are never fun. First, all practicing Catholics that Friar Tuck, the Heads of House, and Professor McGonagall know about come out here on Mass Days to St. Hedwig’s, escorted by Friar Tuck and Professor Kettleburn. That’s one that doesn’t get taken away if you get in trouble. But, you’re escorted directly to St. Hedwig’s and directly back. And since St. Hedwig’s isn’t all that big, you can’t try to sneak away and not get caught right away, at least that’s what my friends said, and what I’ve seen during the one or two of their Mass things I’ve haunted.

“Second, all first and second years, plus any upperclassmen who aren’t otherwise allowed to visit Hogsmeade are escorted by their Heads of House to the combination hairdresser salon and barber shop in Hogsmeade for haircuts. This usually happens three times per year or so. If your family’s having money trouble, the school quietly pays for it; otherwise it’s on your family to send you enough money tor haircuts, along with anything else. All students are expected to get their hair cut or styled no less than every eight to twelve weeks. You’re expected to get your hair taken care of during the Christmas and Easter breaks, too. Since you guys are doing a completely different thing ‘cause of the band, you all visited the barber today, since that was when David could fit it in.

“Third, all seventh years are allowed to sign out to Hogsmeade on almost all weekends between six o’clock in the morning to thirty minutes after The Three Broomsticks closes for the night on Saturdays and Sundays. They can’t miss ‘feasts’ like start and end of term and Halloween, but they can go out to Hogsmeade after the feast if it doesn’t run too late.

"The only exception for Hogsmeade Weekends for students are weekends with a full moon. On those nights, no students are allowed outside of the school. Remus Lupin was not the first werewolf to attend Hogwarts by any means, and criminals like Fenrir Greyback would absolutely target Hogsmeade if he knew he had a large pool of victims. Likewise, while the Hogwarts Express does run full moon or not, any Lyncanthropy infected students never ride it on those days. They will Floo in or out the following day if Hogwarts is actively helping them, or find some other way to or from the school otherwise. No one wants to share a delayed train with a transformed werewolf.

“Finally, third through sixth years are allowed to visit Hogsmeade on some weekends, typically every other weekend, starting in October of each year. In order to visit Hogsmeade, you need your parents or guardians to sign a permission form and turn it in to your Head of House. They can’t leave the school ‘til nine thirty in the morning. Third through Fifth years have to be back at Hogwarts no later than five in the evening, where sixth years can stay out until the seventh years have to return.

“If you can go to Hogsmeade, you’re expected to visit the hairdresser on your own time during these weekends. If you don’t get a haircut for long enough on your own, you get your Hogsmeade privileges suspended for the weekend following the one where your Head of House escorts you directly to the hairdressers and directly back to Hogwarts, plus you lose house points, get detentions, and so on.

“If you’re making a normal Hogsmeade visit, there’s lots of shops and restaurants you can visit, on top of just getting away from school for a few hours. Beyond Hairy Hooper’s Wizarding Hairdresser Salon, Domenic Maestro’s Music Shop, and Scrivenshaft’s Quills and Stationary Shop, there’s several other shops and restaurants. Honeyduke’s is actually based in Hogsmeade, and they make their new and experimental candies and chocolates right here in town, though their factory is in London. Zonko’s Joke Shop does a lot of Owl Order, but they’re based here, too. Tomes and Scrolls gives Flourish and Blotts a run for their money and always has done, even with Flourish and Blotts being in London. The Wizarding Wireless Network is also based here, including their corporate offices and studios.

“There’s The Three Broomsticks of course, and Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop for if you’re trying to get into a bird’s knickers, but there’s two or three other places to eat that open early for breakfast. They’ve got a greengrocer’s, several clothing shops, and even a baby shop, though understandably that one is mostly for the folks who actually live here. There’s even another music shop, along with a sporting goods shop. Ollivander’s also has a branch shop here, too.

“While the Hogsmeade businesses make a lot of money off of us students, or you students I guess since we ghosts are notorious for not buying shit, they also provide stuff for Hogsmeade residents, too. They also get visitors from across the Wizarding UK and elsewhere, since they’re the only all-Wizarding village in the UK.

“It’s actually illegal to allow a Muggle, or no-Maj like David calls them, to even approach the village. That is, of course, unless they already know about the Wizarding World and have a close relative who is a wizard or witch. Hogsmeade is bigger than you think, but it’s still small enough that not counting the students, everyone pretty much knows everyone else, so an actual Muggle isn’t going to ‘sneak in.’ Even Muggle spouses will usually live further out in a Muggle town, since everything in Hogsmeade is magical. The only Squib I know about who lives in Hogsmeade right now is Argus Filch. He lives on the far edge of town, just down from the Hog’s Head Inn.

“That’s the Headmaster’s brother Aberforth’s place. He does not cater to students, and he usually gets the ‘rough’ crowd. On top of his place always being on the edge of being shut down for Wizarding Health Code violations, he’s also such a tight-arse that he won’t even get a Wizarding jukebox.

“As a first or second year student, you can have third year and older students pick up treats and school supplies for you, if you ask and they’re willing. Otherwise, you need to Owl-Order them. If you’re family’s hard up for money, Hogwarts itself quietly provides school supplies without busting you out. While they don’t give you the most expensive brand of whatever supply you need, they also don’t give you the cheapest stuff, either. So, if a student looks like their parents are having hard financial times, they’re actually slightly better off than the ones who truly are destitute.

“However this year, on the Hogsmeade weekends David has us playing here at The Three Broomsticks, the third through fifth year students can stay in Hogsmeade until seven thirty, if they’re here and they’ve paid to watch the first set of the “Dvorak Magic Band.” That’s also why we can all be out here ‘til half-one in the morning. David figures that it’ll take us that long to pack up your instruments and settle the take for the night even with Hogwarts house elves helping us move it all out here and back to the school.”

Bill told everyone, “Hey guys, it’s half-five. Madam Rosmerta’s opening the curtains in half an hour.”

Joe added, “And we need to get just a little bit better with the schedule for this.”

David joked, “You guys wanna get up at five on Saturdays?”

A.D. retorted, “No fuckin’ way, David. I’m barely keeping up with six. And you’re sure this ‘Army Shit’s’ gonna make our magic stronger?”

“That’s what Chief Walking Cloud told me. ‘Sides, it’s not ‘Army Shit,’ it’s just exercise. And it’s nice to get your blood pumping with stretching, calisthenics, and stair-climbs. That is, if you aren’t spending all your gold on Old Gold.”

Everyone got a laugh out of the word play on the brand of cigarettes A.D. smoked.

David added, “And since we’re at school, we’re here to learn. So, homework and studying takes as long as it takes. We’re all doing our best, so that’s just how it is.”

Willa added, “The rest of the third years and above are making the same ‘study or have fun’ choices, too. At least you guys are choosing wisely.”

“At least we’re making progress. Even I’m into the second-year stuff” Andy admitted.

“Andy, my birth-Dad would tell you the same thing I’m gonna say now, and he had the same shit you’ve got. Work as hard as you can, and get as far as you can. We all know you’re really smart, and you’re doing great. But even if we weren’t doing the show tonight, you needed a break from fighting the books.” Everybody else made noises of agreement with David.

Max pointed out, “At least we got some time to browse the shops, even if we were ‘power-shopping.’ I was running low on parchment, but I’ve got it now. And without the band stuff, I’d have had to have Joe get it for me.”

“You know I’d have taken care of you, Max. But yeah, it was nice to get out today even if we were almost running all afternoon” Joe assured his brother.

David offered, “And this is actually the first time I’ve been able to pick up master scores for the Wizarding shit we’ll be covering, too. It’s nice to know that Domenic Maestro’s Music Shop is here.”

“So, Everybody ready?” David asked in conclusion.

Almost everybody told him in unison, “No.”

Bill countered, “That’s not what I heard. And we did get an hour of rehearsal in. But I’m not quite so sure about the playlist for the second set. It’s all great, but we’re going to have sixth and seventh years, not just the adults. A lot of this stuff is really jazzy for a teen audience. And, we’re socking the lower years nought-eight-and-fifteen each, and the older kids and adults will pay a full galleon.

“Cor blimey, tha’s five fucking quid!” Tom supplied.

Duncan opined, “Even with your highbrow jazz shit, you’re giving it away, David. A band this good should charge two galleons cover, especially if Rosie’s taking a cut. Hell, I’ve paid three galleons the one or two times I went out in London before blowing myself up, and some of those bands sucked!

“Tom, you’re only eleven, and you aren’t used to the music scene, at least not pub and club live band music. David’s not charging a lot. I’m not sure he’s even charging enough.”

David replied, “Madam Rosmerta’s getting the underclassmen for a one drink minimum. With it being teatime and her venting her kitchen into the main room, she’ll actually get them for a meal plus at least two pints of butterbeer. The one-galleon-lot have a three drink minimum. Plus, she’s also paying our royalties for all the ‘cover songs’ we play, and she’s feeding us supper and a butterbeer or two to go with it. So, at least tonight, the cover is all ours. We don’t know how good the gate will be, so she’s taking great care of us.

“Hogwarts is going along with us being here and giving us help through the house-elves. In return, I’ve set the cover for the first set only crowd as low as I did so they could all afford to come out tonight. I’ve also ‘comped’ two Hogwarts Professors, plus comping Elphinstone Urquart; and Madam Rosmerta has waived their minimums—not that they won’t buy more than the minimums anyhow, since they’ll be here ‘til we leave.

“Madam Rosmerta, Michael, and I won’t have any idea how good a draw we are ‘til at least after our second night here. Right now, we’re absolutely winging it.

“Now, it’s twenty ‘til. Let’s play through Kathy’s Waltz from the second set one more time. Max, I dig Kenton, and I’ve got three Kenton songs worked in. Can you give me just a little more Brubeck here, please?”

Five minutes later, they finished the “basic” song. David opined, “That was great, Max. Give me that, plus the longer solo, and we’re golden. Great Desmond too, A.D.

“Now, as a reminder, our first set list is the combo of our own stuff and covers going back to the ‘50s for rock and blues. We’ll break out the jazzy stuff for the second set, while we work more rock in, too. We’ll also joke around with each other between songs. Even the four of you” David said while gesturing to the ghosts, “have seen The Treasures perform once, so you know the deal. We don’t go for hurting each other’s feelings, but we do take the Mickey just a little bit. If someone in the audience ‘heckles,’ don’t get mean in return, but otherwise either put them down humorously, or let me do it.

“And remember, no cussing during the first set. While even we cuss when we’re hanging out, we don’t cuss when we’re hanging out in the Great Hall, or at home in front of our really younger siblings. For the second set, we can cuss, but we still won’t go all ‘Redd Foxx’ on them. We can save that shit for if we play a late set at the Leaky Cauldron.”

By now, all of David’s friends had heard at least one of his old Redd Foxx “party albums” from the 1950s. They were just as raunchy now as they were back then, even if David had fished out a few of the cleaner jokes and joke-song-covers to retell that very night. They were getting saved for the second set, though.

“And, are all four of you ghosts comfortable being seen on stage with us tonight?”

Simon spoke for his fellow underage specters by answering, “Fuck no, but even Willa needs to grow and do new things.”

Willa added, “I’m fine, actually. It won’t be much different than a Comet Board Meeting for me, Simon. They never had more than sixteen board members, but some of those fuckers wanted me to drop dead twice.”

After everyone laughed and the tension lowered, Myrtle added, “I’ll try to stick around for both sets. But if any of the stuck-up bully girls think they can use my bathroom after tonight, they’re getting a brown bidet!”

While everyone laughed again, Madam Rosmerta turned the stage lights off and on, signaling that she was introducing the band.
David reminded them, “Silent ‘til the curtain’s all the way open, and straight into Le temps de l'amour. Banter and intros after.
The curtain parted fully. Madam Rosmerta lowered the stage lights again just long enough for David and the rest to see that there were also a lot of first and second years, along with the expected older students, with Professors McGonagall and Snape in the back of the packed and expanded main room.
The band paid no immediate attention to the crowd. Instead, they led into the song, with David singing solo.
“C'est le temps de l'amour
Le temps des copains
Et de l'aventure
Quand le temps va et vient
On ne pense à rien
Malgré ses blessures…
“On s'en souvient
On s'en souvient
On s'en souvient”^1.
The packed main room burst into riotous cheering and applause, along with at least some of the normally private rooms just off of the main room. It took over a minute for the applause and cheering to die down, before David spoke to the audience.

“Good evening, everyone. No French National Anthem tonight, and I think that was our only French song, at least for the first set. And a special welcome to our Hogwarts First and Second Year students. If Madam Rosmerta hadn’t dimmed the lights, I wouldn’t have known you were here.

“I’m David Dvorak, and I’m the ‘front-man’ for the Dvorak Magic Band. No, The Treasures are not breaking up. But, in addition to the full band, we’re pursuing separate projects too; and this is one of mine. I’m lead vocalist and bass player.

“My six-string guitar player, with and without slide, is Andy Floyd. My soprano sax player is A.D. Dvorak, my drummer is Joe Stock, and keyboard player is Max Stock.

“I also have Messrs Bill Weasley and Tom Daley as curse breakers. Finally, I have Miss Willa Weholt as an aviation consultant, Mr. Duncan Ashe helping with Potions and Pyrotechnics, Mr. Simon Talmadge assisting with lyrics, and finally Miss. Myrtle Warren representing the Wizarding Plumbing and Pipefitters’ Association.”

Half of the audience was dying with laughter. The other half was shocked and horrified with the jokes at the teen ghosts’ expense. But when they saw the ghosts laughing along sincerely too, they also let go and laughed.

After the laughter mostly died down, Myrtle told the audience, “Hi, everyone! I’m here to fail to let my hair down, but have a good time helping entertain all of you anyway. And no ‘brown bidets’ ‘til after midnight.”

The laughter built up again, until a sixth year in the back heckled, “You’re not really ‘Moaning Myrtle, are you?’”

“Of course I am, dearie. But David said I couldn’t say why they call me ‘Moaning Myrtle’ ‘til the second set.”

After the next round of roaring (and embarrassed laugher) started to die down, Myrtle volunteered, “I’ve also got a third cousin haunting one of the bogs at Ilvermorny. Her name is ‘Cold Ethyl…’”

“MYRTLE!” the rest of the band interrupted in shock while the audience again roared in genuine yet (in the case of older Muggle-born and Muggle-raised students who had actually heard of Alice Cooper) very embarrassed laughter.

When the crowd settled down, Myrtle asked, “Duncan, your eyes are blue tonight. Didn’t you say that they were brown when you were alive?”

“No, Myrtle, that was Simon. Mine were always blue. But for the last nanosecond of my life, they were really blue! One blew through the wall of the potions lab into the Slytherin common room, and the other one blew through the wall into Professor Slughorn’s office!”

Once again, the laugher was genuine and near riotous, even if it was also just a bit nauseated around the edges.

Willa asked, “Any way you can top that, Simon?”

Simon replied, “We’re here to celebrate life, not laugh at our own passing, though I guess I can do that, too. Bit embarrassing, really. We were told to inspect the digestive tract of a toad in Care of Magical Creatures. I remembered to check my Rememberall, but I forgot to put on my safety suit. Top that, Professor Kettleburn!”

The audience again broke out in riotous laughter. The laughter intensified exponentially when the well-beloved and well-mutilated Care of Magical Creatures Professor, who was in the audience, replied, “No thank you, Mr. Talmadge; full marks and ten points to Ravenclaw for that!”

Simon wasn’t nearly as comfortable about the routine the ghosts rehearsed without David’s knowledge, which hadn’t gone nearly as far as they had actually just done. But, he just let it wash over him, even while he spontaneously asked Willa, “What was the last thing to go through your mind when you ploughed yourself, Willa?”

Willa was, apart from having a fascination with catching the Snitch one last time that she was still trying to break even many decades later, quite well adjusted to life, death, and life after death. She visibly paused in thought to chuckling from the audience.

She replied, “Hmm… okay… my toenails. Yes, definitely my toenails!”

The only people in The Three Broomsticks who weren’t laughing uncontrollably were Andy, A.D., and David. Andy and A.D. were concerned for David, and he thought they were performing the only set at the only concert he’d play for the rest of the school year.

Willa whispered in David’s ear, “No worries, David. Even Professor McGonagall was laughing.”

She announced loudly to the rest of the audience, “Now that David’s wishing he could flee to Italy, we’ll perform for you an Italian jazz song, written and performed by the great Paolo Conte just last year. Here’s Via Con Me!”

Max started playing immediately, with David singing almost reluctantly at first. But Conte’s lyrics would not allow one to remain nervous or downtrodden. David’s music arrangement was slightly more lyrical and less gritty around the edges than Conte’s original, which only added to the performance. When The Treasures performed any Paolo Conte covers, it was actually Tim who sang instead of David. Tim’s bass growl worked much better than David’s clean and innocent singing voice.

But Tim was probably in Surrey, and he definitely wasn’t in Hogsmeade. So, David sang, accompanied by Max’s piano and Joe’s brushwork, with the rest of the band joining in.

“Via via
Vieni via di qui
Niente più ti lega a questi luoghi
Neanche questi fiori azzurri
Via via
Neanche questo tempo grigio
Pieno di musiche
E di uomini che ti son piaciuti…” ^2.

The audience cheered the song, even those who didn’t normally listen to jazz from any country. But as the applause slowly died, someone decided to heckle. And that someone was the incomparable Emily Tyler.

“Tell us a Professor Snape joke, David! I know you can mimic him spot on!”

After pausing to catch his breath, he replied, “Okay, but you’re serving any detentions!”

When the audience laughter died down, David continued, “How many Professors Snape does it take to brew a Boil Cure Paste?”

After pausing for a moment, he answered, mimicking Professor Snape almost perfectly, “Precisely one, Mr. David Dvorak, and with even less ‘foolish wand waving’ than most of my peers.”

Not leaving well enough alone, Emily asked, “Professor Snape, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?”

David and Professor Snape answered in unison, “A highly poisonous sludge and detention with me scrubbing cauldrons for the rest of the year.”

The Professor added solo, “If you actually listened while eavesdropping on Messers Dvorak, Floyd, Weasley and Daley after class, you’d have also heard that having my NEWT potions students brew that potion is one of the most miserable days for me in my entire Program of Instruction. It is also one I can’t skip, since it shows up in your NEWTs, at least if you pay enough attention in class to take the Potions NEWT. I test, grade, and banish roughly twenty liters of Draught of Living Death every year, since that’s one potion that can’t be brewed by supervised students for actual use; and all of that is under strict Ministry supervision.

“I have a lot of dirty cauldrons, Miss Tyler. If the show is boring you that much, we can return to my lab and get you started?” Snape’s voice was almost inviting, and his eyes glittered in mirth.

Emily answered, “No thank you please, Professor?” in a background voice that was drowned out by the roaring laughter of the crowd.

Professor Snape could read lips, so he nodded and smiled, scaring Emily even further. Fortunately for her, Professor Snape could also take the occasional joke that was neither disrespectful nor truly bullying or humiliating.

David quickly offered, “Okay, then! Rather than turn Madam Rosmerta’s dance hall into a detention hall, why don’t we play another song? Believe it or not, I originally wrote this for Glen Miller. I was just a bit late, though, like about thirty-eight years. So, I switched the arrangement up to what people like today; and it was our first breakout hit. Here’s You Can Make History Young Again!”

The band started playing to instant cheering and applause. The first set continued on into the late afternoon, to the audience’s great appreciation and enthusiasm.

§§§

David sang the closing song of the second set. It was a repeat of the closing song of the first set, and one that both his band here in Hogsmeade and The Treasures had decided on, at least for now, as their signature close.

The band played, while David sang the Graham Nash song, which Nash wrote in half an hour in Hawaii to win a bet with his marijuana supplier. Nash’s original performance was fairly introspective. David’s was even more so.

“Just a song before I go
To whom it may concern
Traveling twice the speed of sound
It's easy to get burned

“When the shows were over
We had to get back home
And when we opened up the door
I had to be alone…”^3.

The full house burst out into applause, with many calling for an encore. While the younger students had left at the end of the first set, they were more than replaced by adults from both Hogsmeade and elsewhere in the UK, including tourists from overseas.

David answered the audience, “Okay, Myrtle wanted to hear this, anyway. Now, she and I will perform the standard made famous by Dame Vera Lynn, We’ll Meet Again, as I hope we truly shall.”

David and a surprised, but no longer stage frightened Myrtle Warren sang the song, alternating sections. Myrtle’s singing voice, while not in the same league as David’s, was more than brilliant enough to be getting on with.

“Let's say goodbye with a smile, dear
Just for a while dear we must part”

“Don't let this parting upset you
I'll not forget you, sweetheart”

“We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day…”

Despite the song being older than more than a few people in the audience, and Muggle on top of that, Myrtle and David truly brought the house down. But, Madam Rosmerta rescued them from being begged for another encore.

“Oi! I rang the Time Bell twenty minutes ago. If you ‘ave a room upstairs, go to it! If not, then leave and go to wherever your room is!”

With her announcement, the crowd finally cleared out. Hagrid and Professor Kettleburn escorted the Hogwarts Students back to the castle, leaving Professors Snape and McGonagall to escort the band and human assistants back to the castle. All four student ghosts remained, even while David and Rosmerta conferred on the take for the night, and the band’s share of it, while the rest packed up instruments and called for house elves. Packing up the instruments and moving them didn’t take nearly as long as getting them delivered to The Three Broomsticks took.

Finally, David and Madam Rosmerta shook hands, and she gave him a bag of galleons. David put the bag into a mokeskin bag he had with him, and the group of students and two professors walked out into the brisk night air.

David told his fellow students, “Since there are seven of us living, plus a share for Michael, and all four ghosts turned down any share of the gate for tonight, we get 250 galleons each. We made just over two thousand for the cover. Madam Rosmerta also told me that she did much better than normal for a Saturday after five PM, so she isn’t worried about the royalties.”

Professor Snape asked, “What about the royalties for your songs? How is that handled?”

David replied, “With the way we write songs, it’s actually easier to bill royalties through our publishing house, just like if anyone else performed them, especially for smaller ensembles like tonight. History is almost all mine, except for the rhythm track, which Tim did. Likewise, Tim and Joe together wrote Jesus He Knows Me, and Tim and Michael wrote Road to Hell. Simon did most of the lyrics to Piper along with Aaron, with Aaron writing the music, so Simon’s estate gets paid for that. Michael only gets a cut of the writing royalties for stuff he actually helped write, the same as any of us. He gets a cut on our stuff out here, plus a double cut for the whole band, since it’s all his band. Dad takes a cut for management for the main band, but not for us here, since Michael’s doing the management stuff beyond what I do without Dad’s help—at least for now.

“Hogwarts itself isn’t taking a cut, but I comped the cover for Elphinsone, Professor McGonagall, and you. Since they ended up ‘working,’ I refunded Hagrid and Professor Kettleburn their cover charges, too. If we keep doing these, and so far it looks like we will, we’ll raise the cover for non-Hogwarts attendees, and keep the students at about half a galleon for the fifth year and below, and one galleon for the sixth and seventh years, along with any staff or Professors who aren’t working. We’ll keep comping the working staff and Professors, since Headmaster Dumbledore isn’t billing me for the help from the house elves.

“I’m pretty sure that Madam Rosmerta won’t waive the ‘minimum purchase’ part of admission. But she also has it low enough that no one ordered only the minimum. A lot of tonight’s crowd also bought her and her assistant bartender a round, and the kitchen sold a lot of food compared to what they’d normally done for a ‘First Hogsmeade Weekend’ recently, even taking the War into account.”

Two Thestral Coaches showed up to take the party back to Hogwarts. The students got onto the first one, with the ghosts fitting in invisibly and just enough to keep talking with their living friends. The two professors rode the second one; even while paying sufficient attention to make sure nothing happened to the occupants of the first coach.

Myrtle told her friends; “Somehow, I’m still all really energized, like I’d had too much coffee when I was alive. Why?”

David answered, “It’s because you were on stage performing in a live concert, doing well, and being loved by the audience. Almost everyone feels that. When you’re alive, that feeling is muted only by your exhaustion. Otherwise, we’d be pulling this carriage and letting the Thestrals enjoy the ride!”

Everyone laughed in agreement at that. David added in a somber note, “And, that’s why some successful performers have trouble with alcohol and drugs. They get so amped up when they perform; that they look for something ‘quick and easy’ to come down from that ‘music high’ so they don’t die from exhaustion. Then, they look for something ‘quick and easy’ to wake back up from their first quick and easy solution when they find themselves sleeping in their breakfasts at teatime. The graveyards are full of successful musicians, and even with somewhat successful musicians who thought they could ‘handle’ using drugs or crawling inside of a bottle to try to find themselves, but were only making the switches between the highs and lows worse.

“I’m not saying to never drink booze. But we can’t let ourselves go nuts with it. And, we’re definitely too young for marijuana. That stuff fogs your brain even when you aren’t high on it. And, we’ve all got OWLs and NEWTs, plus some of us also have O Levels and A Levels, which are no-Maj tests that are just as bad. So, no thank you, at least not ‘til I’ve graduated college all the way and got my Wizarding History Mastery. Studying’s hard enough already.”

“Especially at the rate we’re pushing” Bill added. “Even with Tom and me not trying to pass our NEWTS before we turn fourteen, we’re doing ‘extra enrichment’ shit for the Professors. And since I can keep up with the spell casting, I’m also doing just as much of that as you are, David. Even Tom’s casting some stuff silently now, and nobody else below sixth year does that.”

“But why mention that now?” Joe asked. “We’re all too young for that stuff!”

David replied, “Even with Dad watching all of us closely on our regular gigs, the shit’s out there. And, you will get offered the stuff eventually, no matter how young we are. Remember, Graham Nash wrote Just a Song Before I Go to win a bet with his marijuana supplier in Hawaii. That dude wasn’t Graham’s only supplier by a long shot, and he isn’t known to have had problems with drugs. It’s out there. Hell, some of our road crew smokes it, though at least they have the common sense to keep it far away from us. I’m just saying don’t let it sneak up on you.”

On that mood-dampening note, the group arrived back at Hogwarts. The ghosts went off elsewhere in the castle, and the living boys went to bed. Their first night at The Three Broomsticks turned out to be enough of a success that they played there once a month or so for the rest of the school year except for June.

§§§

The early morning of June sixth, 1983, saw a relative madhouse at Numbers Four and Two Privet Drive. This was the first day of O and A Levels for the non-magical school students in the UK. Bill Weasley and Tom Daley were at Hogwarts taking their First Year exams, along with Joe and Max Stock. While the four non-Dvořáks were studying the no-Maj or Muggle schoolwork the others were doing via correspondence, they weren’t ready to take their O Levels. Andy, A.D., and David however, were taking them, along with Danny, Michael, Tim, Debbie, Pixie, Saria, and most surprisingly Aaron. Rounding out the mix was Delilah, who was taking her A Levels.

Unlike her nearest-age boy cousin, Sally was more than happy to wait a year before enduring “death by government-mandated school test.” That way, she would have everyone else to help her with her last minute studying and test madness next year.

Just like any other household in the UK with a ‘day-school’ student in residence during ‘testing season,’ stress was running high. It was running high enough, in fact, that the eleven test takers were effectively exiled over to Number Two with their Dad, leaving Pet at number four with Sally, Paul, Dudley, Harry, Lily, and four month old Alameda Mateo Dvorak. Like his brother Dudley, he had red hair, silver eyes, and he was clearly a baby wizard. Pet had Arabella Figg visiting and helping her with the younger children, who were now eating breakfast of some form.

“We didn’t have standardized testing like this on the Muggle side when I was their age.”

“We sure did when I was their age, Arabella” Pet answered. “I was just as much a basket case as they are. But, it was just me Mum and Dad had to put up with, since Lily only did the Wizarding side. Our tests were all in different years, too. They did have to put up with both Lily and me waiting for our results, though. But even that was only one daughter at a time.

“Having ten O Level kids and one A Level at once is not fun! And while the American School presses for their exams to get graded first and fast by the Exams Authority, they still have to wait for all the other exams to be graded before they release the final results. Of course, the American School also administers the American SAT and ACT college exams, which Delilah is taking on the twentieth and twenty-first. But as bad as the American tests can be, they don’t hold a candle to the O Levels and A levels.

“And since the kids all need to max those tests out so they can get into Uni for their aviation stuff, or health care for Delilah and Debbie, they’re all walking stress balls. Even Harry and Dudley are staying away from David, and they’re normally his two little shadows. At least Paul’s taking care of the younger ones right now.”

“I’m taking care of them ‘cause they’re still too young to really get it, Mum” Paul offered.

“Mean rotters are making David ‘n’ Aaron take dirty tests!” Harry exclaimed.

Paul gently reminded his brother, “Inside voice, Harry. And the grownups aren’t ‘mean rotters.’ The tests are to make sure that both the school and us kids did our jobs at school right, so we’ll do good like Dad when we finish growing up.”

Both Harry, and the silently sulking Dudley calmed down a bit and continued eating their breakfasts. Dudley asked, “When do we get David ‘n’ Aaron back, Paul?”

“Talk between bites, Dudley. And it’ll be the week after next. But David at least might be ‘nice’ again sooner, at least some of the time. He misses you guys just as much as you miss him.”

Turning back to the adults, Paul added, “I just hope Percy, Peter, Marty, and me don’t act worse when it’s our turn. Even Percy’s keeping up with me, and we’ll probably take our O Levels before we go to Hogwarts. It’ll be hard enough just doing the A Level stuff by Owl Post. If they don’t move us up a year on the magic side, Percy and Marty’ll be starting Hogwarts a year before Peter and me. But if Dad and you have us start our magic stuff early like Aaron did, we’ll be in the same year. We’re in the same year for the no-Maj stuff in London, and we all want to stay together to work on that.

“I still think that whoever came up with the ‘norm-referencing’ garbage for the O and A levels should go out on a date with Voldemort and some Dementors.”

“With ya, cuz” Sally agreed, while she helped Lily eat her mashed bananas.

“Paul and Sally!” both Pet and Arabella exclaimed.

Paul answered, “Tell me how it’s fair that you get a 99 percent on a test you take as a thirteen or fourteen year old that literally controls your adult life and fail, just because the real brain-jockeys all got 115s and 110s from the extra credit questions.”

Sally added, “Or, is it fair to get an A star with a sixty-seven just because you got lucky and your peers were even more clueless than you were?” Paul and Sally had just displayed that it wasn’t just their older siblings who were actually taking the tests suffering from ‘test anxiety.’

John, who had just walked in for a moment, answered, “It isn’t fair at all, you two. But not every government mess-up needs to be solved with anything like you suggested. Besides, you are one of the ‘brain-jockeys’ as you called them, Paul, along with your three friends. And Sally, until just now, you were displaying more maturity than your cousin Aaron. You’re at least as smart as him with book-knowledge, but you wisely decided to wait another year so the test will be easier for you than the suffering Aaron brought upon his own head.

“So, don’t either of you stress out or wish harm to others in revenge for harm that likely won’t even affect either of you personally. Just continue to work hard and do your best every day. The UK Parliament is getting complaints, and they’ll eventually fix things.

“Besides, remember that you’re Americans. While I don’t want to send any of you home for college like your Uncle Junior sent A.D. and you here for the magic stuff, I can do it. UIUC is a great university, and if you can’t get into a good college here, you can certainly get in there. You’d be going home, Sally; even if you still want to ‘get out from under your parents’ shadow.’ Your Uncle Junior is a Department Head now, Paul. If you’re ready for college before you’re eighteen, you can certainly stay with your Aunt Hannah and him, since we’re taking care of your cousins for Hogwarts.

“And on the Wizarding side, the tests are all curriculum based, and they don’t ‘norm-reference.’ Dippet tried to get norm-referencing put into the OWLs and NEWTs in 1964. That’s part of why he was ‘invited’ to retire in 1965. Dumbledore, as the Chief Mugwump of the ICW, along with Doctor Lambkins, who was chairman of the ICW Education Standards Committee, shot him down on the front pages of the Daily Prophet and New York Ghost.”

While he was answering Paul and Sally, John had also crouched down to accept the tackle-hugs from his two toddlers and the walk-up hug from Lily.

He added, “I just popped in to check on the little ones and collect Sally and Paul, Pet. We’re going to Portkey all this week and next. This, and their A Levels should be the worst of it. After that, we won’t be testing ten and eleven kids at once.”

Sally and Paul had finished their own breakfasts and set their plates by the sink. Since Paul was only five, he was only required to clear his setting at the table, not rinse it yet, since he still needed a step stool to use the kitchen sink. Sally had no problem rinsing Paul’s stuff along with her own, and loading it into the dishwasher before washing up quickly in the kitchen sink. After Paul washed up in the bathroom, he came back down with Sally’s and his school backpacks just as John was getting the last toddler back to the table.

Paul and Sally told them all, “We’ll see you guys later today. Love you all.”

“Love you, Dad, Sally, and Paul” the two toddler boys answered. Lily felt the same way, and said something that sounded like her older brothers.

Grabbing her backpack from Paul while muttering ‘thanks,’ Sally slipped her shoes on, with Paul doing the same. The two cousins followed John over to Number Two, where their eleven older housemates were standing in a collective line of unhappy stress-balls. Sally and Paul grabbed the end of the rope nearest Aaron, and John grabbed the other end to activate it.

§§§

Andy, A.D., and David had already taken their first year final exams before they took their O Levels. They had also taken their second year final exams, passing all of their Hogwarts exams with full marks. So, they actually left Hogwarts for the summer early, leaving Bill, Tom, Joe, and Max to ride the Hogwarts Express “almost” by themselves.

While the train passed through the countryside between Scotland and Northumberland, Myrtle remarked, “I’d actually forgotten how nice riding the train was. Mind you, when I was alive riding the Hogwarts Express, there was a war on for both the Muggles and us, and I was almost constantly teased or bullied. So now, it’s even nicer, since I have friends and the wars are over, at least for now.”

“I’m just hoping that when Judah starts school that R stays the hell away from him. I’m still mad at Jacob, but that’s not Judah’s fault.”

Bill answered, “Well said, Duncan. If he sorts into Gryffindor, I’ll have Charlie help us sit on him if we need to, since he’s starting then. We’ll probably end up with David’s brother Aaron, too, along with A.D.’s cousin Sally. Remember how good Aaron is with magic. He’s getting the same teaching the Dvoraks and I got, and more of it with the extra time. And Sally’s no slouch either, with either revising or music.

“While Hogwarts normally won’t let you start before you turn eleven, even if your birthday is September second, their reasons won’t quite work against Aaron or Sally. First, Hogwarts assumes you have little to no actual magic studying done. Aaron and Sally are not that far behind us, if they’re behind at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if they take their OWLs and NEWTs with David and A.D., and I’m sure they’ll all ace their tests.

“Second, they worry about general maturity and being able to handle being at a boarding school. Aaron’ll have that beat, too; at least according to David, and I’d guess that Sally is right up there with him. And that would even be if they were staying at school the whole time like most first years. With the band shit, they’ll handle it easy. Hell, Aaron will probably end up being our roommate when he shows up, ‘cause of the band. Don’t know how Charlie’ll handle it, but I guess that’s the breaks.

“‘Sides, I don’t think that they really want kids wandering around with wands who aren’t enrolled in a magic school, and Aaron got his wand just a day after the rest of us did. Even Sally got her wand this time last year.   And if Dumbledore can’t let Aaron in with Charlie, he might just start going to Guildford.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that” Joe opined. “You’ve seen how Aaron and David act together. Aaron’s cool, ‘cause he can mellow David out when he gets ‘too David.’ And if Aaron goes to Guildford, David will go to Guildford. Remember, David started school a year late, and Aaron had to start a year early when we were back in Mokena.”

“Those were some times, eh, Joe?” Max added. “You knew when David was on the playground. But in class? He and I are about the same age. We were in the same class for like twenty minutes.” After everyone else quit laughing, he said, “I was exaggerating. It was really ‘bout a month. He tested out of first grade to move up to where he was supposed to be, with Tim and me. Tim was really shy and kept to himself back then, so I didn’t know him that good. He only hung out with Joe, ‘cause they were in band together. Three weeks later, David and Tim both tested out of second and into third grade. School had started two weeks or so before David’s birth parents got killed in the car crash, and David and Tim were in fourth grade.”

“Why were they trying to skip grades back then?” Simon asked.

“‘Cause they were trying to catch up to Danny ‘n’ Michael” Joe supplied. “Even back then, they all knew what they wanted to do, or at least all of them ‘cept maybe for Tim. I think he wanted to fly helicopters because David wanted to fly helicopters. But with David, and his then older cousins, they knew what they were going to do. Danny and Michael went to public school, which is what we Americans call schools run by the local government; where David, Aaron, Tim, and us went to a Catholic Grade School right next door. So even not hanging out together that much otherwise, we saw Danny and Michael on the way to and from school. They dressed exactly like they do now. Danny already knew more about Harley-Davidson motorcycles than some outlaw bikers, and Michael already was into flying. Hell, Michael had already piloted airplanes as a student, since David’s birth father had a airplane teacher license to go with his helicopter teacher license.”

“Max and me were smart too, but we weren’t that smart. And like them, we were already into music, too. But we didn’t really know what we wanted to do when we grew up beyond normal kid fantasies. Hell, if this music shit wasn’t taking off, I wouldn’t know what I want to do, and if the music goes bust, I still don’t know for sure.

“I took Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, ‘cause most jobs need at least one of those if not both. I’m not going to work for a zoo or start a farm, and I’m not a Seer. I took Muggle Studies so I could see how the Wizarding World sees the rest of us. And, the class here isn’t all that good. Beyond Professor Athelstan telling Max ‘n’ me that the Hogwarts text would barely get you ready for your OWL, it’s also decades out of date. They show old Ford Tri-Motors for passenger airplanes, and they say nothing about space travel, or nuclear energy, or anything, really.”

After Duncan quit laughing, he told the group, “I took Muggle Studies, and I switched to Care of Magical Creatures before the first full school week ended. I grew up kinda like David’s doing, except I did it from birth. So, I knew what the Muggles were up to even with both Mum and Da’ being magical. That class is so messed up that I’d rather study dangerous magical animals from a man with only one limb that hasn’t been chewed off by a dangerous magical animal than suffer through five years of that bullshite.”

Everyone laughed at that. Willa offered, “I took Runes and Arithmancy, and Magical Woodcraft since they still offered it. Other than dying before I took my OWLs and NEWTs, they served me well in life, or is it afterlife?”

Everyone laughed at Willa’s joke. She added, “If I hadn’t gotten tired of the whole ‘how do we pay a ghost’ thing, I’d still be working, although I’d have probably joined Wanda over at Nimbus.   Comet had forgotten how to innovate, and I was starting to think I’d turn into Professor Binns.”

After the laughter died down again, Myrtle told the group, “I was taking Runes, Arthmancy, and Magical Creatures. That’s actually where I met Hagrid. He was being allowed to take Magical Creatures starting in first year. Of course, part of that was to help Professor Kettleburn, but Hagrid was just as much a natural with Magical Creatures then as he is now. And he has no more of an idea of what actually killed me instead of Aragog than I do. Believe me, I asked.”

“What’s ‘Aragog?’” Tom asked nervously.

“Who is Aragog” Myrtle corrected. “And he’s the pet Acromantula that that moron Dipshit Dippet claimed killed me. I don’t like Acromantulas, but I got along okay with him the few times I’d seen him. Hagrid taught Aragog to speak English and everything.

“Aragog’s as big as a London Taxi now, and he hasn’t been in the castle since Hagrid was expelled. Today he lives in the Forbidden Forest with his wife and many children and grandchildren, which is part of why that forest is ‘Forbidden.’ Hagrid can’t harvest as much Acromantula Silk as a proper farm, since the Acromantula colony lives ‘in the wild,’ but he still gets enough to do well for himself, and Headmaster Dumbledore only takes a small cut for the school, with everything taken into account.

“The centaurs who live there also don’t like humans, even if they get along okay with both Hagrid and Headmaster Dumbledore. They don’t like Aragog’s family either. Centaurs as a rule are pretty good at holding grudges, and they know Hagrid’s the reason that Aragog’s family lives in the forest. But, they and he still get along.”

After several more hours of conversation, Willa asked, “So, how are you guys getting home from London, anyway?”

Tom answered, “The Dvoraks are picking us all up at King’s Cross. Joe, Max, and I already have permission to spend the night with them. Bill can just Floo home from there, since their neighbor across the street is friends with the Dvoraks and Weasleys. Tomorrow, once the ‘school rush’ is over, I’ll take the Knight Bus back home to Cokeworth. Joe and Max will have concerts all summer long, so they’ll probably spend more time at the Dvoraks’ houses than their own.”

Bill asked, “Didn’t David’s dad get you guys on the Floo, though?”

“Yeah, Bill. But I don’t know the name of our Floo yet. Dad an’ Mum are also both Muggles, and they can’t work it. I’ll be able to use it to get to your place or David’s for study and practice sessions no problem. And if Dad lets me keep ‘tagging along’ for the concerts, I’ll be able to Floo to Mrs. Figg’s place and back for that, too. But that’s not today, and it won’t be tomorrow, either. Even if I phoned home and got the right name, I won’t even think of trying to Floo home until I’ve Flood out from home at least once. I haven’t Flooed too many times yet, so I just don’t want to try it.”

“Makes sense I guess” Bill replied.

Duncan added, “Of course it does. And I’d bet that the only reason Tom’s folks got a Floo in their place was ‘cause John Dvorak was the one who asked for it. And if your parents hadn’t already got it, I’d have told them not to bother. The Knight Bus is reliable enough if you allow extra time for it.”

Tom agreed, “It was mostly Mr. Dvorak’s idea for us to get a Floo in the first place, so I could do the ‘summer classes’ with the Dvoraks and Weasleys. Sometimes, I’ll Floo over to Bill’s place, sometimes I’ll Floo to Mrs. Figg’s, sometimes, Mr. Lupin will pick me up and side-along me there. David could probably say why for all that, I didn’t think to ask.”

§§§

The Hogwarts Express finally got into King’s Cross at seventeen after three in the afternoon. The group of four boys and four ghosts waited for most of the rush to leave the train to clear out before they had Bill (who was the best at it) shrink their trunks to fit into their backpacks. Since both Athena and Mercury had gone home with their owners, they had no owls or other pets to bother with, so they were able to leave the train on the back end of the student stampede.

While they left the train, Bill reminded them, “It’ll probably just be Danny and Delilah picking us up. And, they’ll be waiting on the other side of the barrier. We’ll also need to be ready for a bit of a walk, too. London parking is just as bad as London traffic, so there’s no telling how far away they had to park, even if they took one of Mr. Dvorak’s diplomatic plate cars. For all I know, we might have to go all the way to Grosvenor Square.”

“Way to go, Debbie Downer,” Joe groused.

Max offered, “At least we aren’t having to catch the Knight Bus or a train to Desford or Cokeworth. We’d probably be waiting hours, or even stuck here ‘til tomorrow with the Saturday schedules. The trains might be standing room only on a lot of weekday afternoon trains, but at least there are trains.”

Joe retorted, “Well, they like trains here. Back home, once you get away from Chicago, you probably don’t have a train to get you to where you live. Remember how A.D. was saying that Champaign got six trains per day? Here, they’d be bitching to their MP if they only got six trains per day in most places that big. And where the trains don’t run, the buses do, and they’re actually safe. And almost nice.”

The group got past the barrier to find Danny and Delilah waiting for them, just like they expected. David and Saria were also waiting for them, which was a bit of a surprise.

Danny was dressed in his kutte, t-shirt, jeans, and trainers like he normally was. He’d have been wearing engineer boots instead of trainers. But Danny was even more of a tightwad than his father. And, since he had only turned fifteen the past December, he was waiting at least another year before he started wearing boots regularly, so he wouldn’t outgrow them. Saria and Delilah were both in jeans, modest coloured t-shirts, and sandals. David was wearing cutoffs, trainiers without socks that had seen better days, and a loose tank top, with a slightly oversize long-sleeve flannel shirt worn like a jacket and fully unbuttoned.

Bill’s group walked quickly towards their ride home. When they were one group, Bill joked, “I guess it’s summertime, ‘cause David’s clothes are falling off!”

After everyone laughed at least a little, David snarked back, “Sod off, Bill. And I hate the weather here. It’s worse than Minnesota.”

Danny offered, “You’ve never been to Minnesota, David.”

“Ding ding ding ding ding! Give that man a cigar!” David further complained. “It’s almost the end of June, and it’s barely hit 73.”

Bill asked, “What’s that in British weather, instead of ‘rebellion units?’”

Delilah supplied, “It’s 22, almost 23 degrees in your metric shit. At least you Limeys stuck with miles per hour. And we’re parked close by, but I want to get out of London before the traffic gets any worse, so shake a leg.”

The group quickly left the station to walk the block or so to get to their car. While they walked, Danny got the occasional startled glance from the occasional passer-by, since there were still more than a few Magicals and Squibs in the area. And a few of them knew what the slight disturbance on Danny’s right arm was. The group of teens and near-teens quickly made good time and got to John’s FX4 in about ten minutes. While the neighborhood wasn’t a ‘rough’ one, they were at least momentarily pedestrian-free.

Danny cut off the first questions by quietly telling the Hogwarts returnees, “King’s Cross is a ‘grey area’ for our holsters, even on Hogwarts Express days. And our passports are stamped for the wands and holsters for a reason. We’re still not supposed to go to Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley with Auror Holsters, but that was always so we wouldn’t attract attention. We can legally go wherever we need to, but if we ‘show off,’ we’ll also have to provide explanations that the Embassy doesn’t want us having to give.”

Changing subjects, Danny told the group, “Dad finally broke down and had an expansion charm put on both the boot and the back compartment of the FX4. So, we can use the jump seat in front to ride in instead of dumping your trunks there like a normal London Taxi. Anybody got more than seven layers of shrunk shit nested?”

Tom answered, “No, but why?”

“Cause if you did, we’d have to put it in the front and not use the jump seat. If you go more than seven nested layers with shrunk down shit in an expansion-charmed car, room, or whatever, the nested shit might either blow up, or never un-shrink again.”

Joe told Danny and the group, “Hogwarts and Ilvermorny rules forbid ‘seven-nesting,’ but they never explained why.”

“They teach it in fourth year. They must figure that if you’re Muggleborn and don’t want to follow the rules, that you ‘deserve’ to ‘figure it out’ for yourself. Assholes” Danny answered.

Bill retorted, “Mum ‘n’ Da never told us that, so it isn’t just a Muggleborn thing.”

Duncan opined, “It’s somewhere in the middle on that, Bill. I was raised in the Muggle world, even with my parents being a witch and wizard. Dad and Mom both told me not to do that, and why. Of course, since we lived out in the country, I’d do it on purpose with cheap wooden matryoshka dolls and throw them into a steel skip. They’d usually go off like a strong firecracker.”

David suggested, “Maybe that’s why your folks never told any of you guys, Bill. We are boys, and even when we’re responsible we’ll sometimes do some stupid shit to have fun or get bored. Can you imagine Fred and George if they knew that?”

Much to Bill’s relief, Delilah changed the subject by saying, “If any of you ghosts needs to tell me something while we’re driving, have one of the boys repeat it. I’m driving, so Danny won’t be able to touch me all the time.”

Willa added, “And ghosts, don’t pass through anywhere near the fuel lines in the floor, and absolutely don’t sit in the gas tank. You’ll strand us by the side of the road and piss everyone off. Ask me how I know.”

Duncan asked, “What do we do in the taxi then?”

“Just sit in it like you would when you were alive, but with your feet up on the seat with you. Or, just float up by the roof and go mostly invisible. Delilah’s driving, and she can’t see us, so we won’t be blocking any view of traffic she’d need.”

David told the group, “I’ve read about that. It’s usually a problem only in winter, and only if you actually sit through a fuel line for a while. At least, it is today. Gasoline wasn’t always the greatest in the twenties and thirties, though.”

Myrtle further informed them, “It can be a bother, though, like Willa said. I can go out into the Black Lake in winter. If I keep moving, it’s no problem other than being unpleasantly cold. But if I stay still, I can make ‘Myrtle Molds’ out of ice. The first time I did it, it freaked Professor Kettleburn out badly, ‘cause he thought a live student had fallen into the lake and died, where the Giant Squid is supposed to prevent that.”

Everyone, both living and not, got into the FX4 after dumping their backpacks in the magically expanded boot that could now actually hold luggage. Delilah started the car, signaled, and pulled into traffic once she got an opening. Danny was up front with her, helping Delilah follow the directions to get out of London and back to Ashford. The sliding glass panel was all the way open to allow for conversations. Everyone else either sat in or haunted the back, with Joe and Max on the jump seats, and everyone else on the bench seat. With the expansion charm, there was more than enough room.

Bill asked, “So, when will you guys get your Muggle test results? We normally get our OWL and NEWT results in August, which plays merry hell with setting up your sixth year schedule or getting a job.”

Danny told them, “For our O Levels and Delilah’s A Levels, it’s about the same. She’s already got her ACT and SAT scores, and they’re damned good. She aced that. The only reason we’re worried about the rest of our scores is that with the ‘norm-referencing’ junk they do here we won’t know how good we did ‘til the results actually come in.”

David added, “Aaron and I were freaking out just as bad as everyone else, and Sally didn’t even try to take her O Level this year ‘cause of the rest of us stressing out. We were all so bad that Dad actually exiled us to Number Two ‘till halfway through the first week, when we were finally, as Dad said, ‘almost acting like real family again.’ Mom was frazzled even having taken O and A Levels herself. It was just she and Aunt Lily, remember, and they never both had tests in the same year. And, with Hogwarts being a boarding school, Mom’s parents only had to deal with the waiting for results with Aunt Lily.

“Paul and the little kids were also stressed out, because we were. The morning of the first test, Paul actually suggested that the person who came up with norm referencing O and A Levels should, and I quote, ‘go out on a date with Voldemort and some Dementors.’”

After the laughter died down, Bill opined, “Mean kid, him!”

After the laughter died down again, David continued, “If you brass him off bad enough, he is. But Sally agreed with him, and they both said all of that in front of Mom. Dad told them off before Mom really built up a head of steam, but it was a close run thing from what Sally told me later.

“Paul can be a brat sometimes, but he’s just as smart as Aaron and me. So, he already knows that his turn is coming up fast, especially with his friends and him skipping grades. Dad’s always bought us all of our textbooks, even the ones whatever school we went to would normally rent out and take back at the end of the year. And, if our teachers didn’t teach it cover-to-cover, Dad would make us finish whatever the teachers didn’t get to. So, at least Paul and his friends actually did go through the stuff they would have missed otherwise by skipping ahead in grades.

“Harry and Dudley were flipping back and forth between sad and scared, even though none of us ever raised our voices to them or scolded them in any other way. Once the tests were finally over, they were both on Saria and me like glue. She and I couldn’t even ‘celebrate’ ‘til the following Wednesday, and we had to sneak out to the back edge of your land around The Burrow while they were napping and do ‘frisky al fresco’ to do it.”

Saria added, “We actually had more fun that way, after David caught his breath from carrying me through the Floo to the Burrow, but still…” Saria and David both blushed deeply, even while they both smiled.

After recomposing himself, David told them, “But the tests themselves were actually pretty easy, once we finally started taking them. It helped a lot that we studied a lot. We even did some ‘mock exams’ for the math tests, or ‘maths’ tests like they call them here. So, when the rest of the room was freaking out about calculating the area of a polygon, we just did it and moved on to the next question.

“The Latin test was actually easy too. Of course, we grew up as native Latin speakers and we were always corrected on our grammar ‘til we got it right. One of the invigilators actually thought Aaron and I were giving up, since we were the first two to finish and hand our tests in. When he looked at our papers, the jerk tried to accuse us of cheating. When I politely told him in Latin that he was having ‘marital relations’ with underage pigs, he got even madder. But he finally had to back down, especially since we refused to speak to him in English again until he admitted we did the tests without cheating. He also had the rest of us Dvoraks lined up waiting to hand in our tests along with Pixie, and they refused to speak English in solidarity with Aaron and me. Nobody else finished anywhere near as fast, and more than a few of them didn’t even get to all of the questions.”

Taking a different tack, Bill asked, “Is Paul trying to teach Percy and their friends Latin?”

David assured Bill, “Yeah, actually. And they hang out together often enough that they’re catching on. Of course, Joe and Max showing Peter their Latin textbooks from Ilvermorny helped, too. Unlike most Wizarding textbooks, the Latin books Ilvermorny and now Hogwarts uses are actually no-Maj textbooks, and pretty good ones, too.”

Delilah pulled into the driveway of Number Four at about a quarter to five in the afternoon, having made fairly decent time through London traffic. They found their families, including the Weasleys, Stocks and Daleys, plus Sirius, Remus, and Arabella sitting on lawn chairs in the front garden.

After the requisite hugs and kisses were exchanged, Joseph told his two, “Mr. Dvorak is hosting us for the weekend here at Number Two, since his brothers won’t be in until the second week in July. We’re reluctantly letting Max and you do your music stuff, since the two of you are getting paid for it. But we don’t want to be paying for three kids where we never see two of them any more, even if your ‘summer job’ is much better than working at Wimpey’s or McDonalds. And unlike the Daleys, we’re renting, so they won’t let us get a Floo. They almost didn’t let Rich and June get one. But since they own their house, they were able to put Tom’s name on it, and get their Floo that way.”

Rich added, “Tom, we’re calling our Floo ‘King of Chicago,’ since we didn’t want to use our street address for the Floo name. John also said that once you’re good at dealing with the Floo, that you should put a password on it, too. You won’t be big enough to even take one of your mum or me through it any time soon, and the one time John took me was the last time I’ll try it short of an emergency, anyway.

“John’s already tested it several times, so if you’ve ever Flooed before, you should be fine. John and Remus will side-along your mum and me after supper, and you will Floo home from Arabella’s place. So, we’ll be leaving right after supper.”

Tom replied, “That’ll be fine, Dad. I’ve already gotten to know Mrs. Figg without going far enough to impose on her or be rude. And I’ve Flooed to The Burrow with Bill often enough that I’ll be fine.”

Meanwhile, the kids themselves were also exchanging greetings.

“Welcome home, Joe and Max” Peter greeted his older brothers in Latin.

Joe replied likewise, “That was great, Peter! Is Paul teaching you?”

“Yes, Joe, but it’s not easy, even if ohye get lots of pructice with it.”

Paul added, “It’s ‘I’ and ‘practice,’ Peter. But, you’re doing great. I only make it look easy, ‘cause I learned it with everything else I speak as a baby and toddler.” ^5.

Max groused, “I could barely keep up with him, and my pronunciations are still awful.”

Joe offered, “I can have Dad ‘rent’ Professor Athelstan for the summer, if you’d like?”

Max quickly backpedaled, saying, “I’m good, Joe! We’ll keep working with the Dvoraks, and I’ll be better in no time.”

Meanwhile, Charlie was assuring Bill, “Aaron’s been taking care of me for the Latin stuff. I’m not as good as Percy, but I’m working on it. Ronnie’s been picking some up from Percy along with Harry and Dudley. And there’s no way we’re letting the Twins learn Latin. Mum and Dad would go spare if those two had a language to plot in that they didn’t even speak.”

Bill reluctantly rained on Charlie’s parade along with his own by telling him, “Charlie, we might not have a choice in that. The Latin classes at Hogwarts are going well enough that they’re being kept for at least next year, and they might become permanent. So, we’ll have to get the Twins ‘lingua Latinaing’ before they start Hogwarts, or else we’ll catch hell from Mum ‘n’ Da if we don’t.

“How’s the rest magic lessons coming along?” Bill asked.

“Great! I’m not a ‘stamina monster’ like Aaron, and I need to pay more attention than him when I’m brewing, but all the bookwork is coming along great. And Mr. Lupin’s a much better teacher for cutting and using a quill than Mum; even she says so. Percy’s doing better with that than me, but I’m still doing great. And they were talking about moving Percy up one more Muggle grade along with Paul, Peter, and Marty Benson.”

“No wonder Paul was freaking out with the Muggle OWLs and NEWTs they just took” Bill replied. “It’s bad enough we take those tests as early as we do as it is. Percy and them will still be kids when they take their Muggle tests.”

Charlie added, “If Dumbledore keeps ‘going along’ with Lord Dvorak, they’ll be taking their real OWLs and NEWTs early. They’re already talking ‘bout having Aaron start with me, and all three of Percy’s friends starting early with him. Paul will for sure, ‘cause his magic’s more than strong enough, like we aren’t really allowed to talk about in front of strangers. Don’t know about Peter and Marty.”

Percy walked over and added, “Sorry I listened in, guys. But Marty started Muggle School late like me, ‘cept his was because his dad and mum were in Germany when he should have started instead of like us switching from Homeschooling. And Peter’s magic feels stronger than mine, so they should start both Paul and Peter with me if they start either of them early.

“And we’ve been reading some of the magic schoolbooks when we’ve hung out, since we all have older brothers in magic school with schoolbooks they left behind. We aren’t trying to do anything else yet other than reading, but we’ll be ready when we’re old enough to start.”

The extended group ended up having tea and later supper at Number Two, before the Daleys and Weasleys went home for the night. The rest of their summer was filled with studying ahead in both Muggle and Wizarding schoolwork, further music lessons, rehearsals, and concerts. Their second year was even busier yet more uneventful than their first. But that would change all too soon. For the autumn of 1984 would see Judah Kowalski and Aaron Dvorak start their Hogwarts careers. And the threat known as “R” would follow closely behind them.

1. Le Temps De L’amour. Songwriters: Andre Michel Charles Salvet / Lucien Morisse / Jacques Dutronc lyrics © Editions Musicales Alpha
2. Via Con Me, Paolo Conti, 1981 © Universal Music Publishing Group
3. Just a Song Before I Go, Graham Nash, 1977 © Spirit Music Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
4. We’ll Meet Again, Songwriters: Hugh Charles and Parker Ross, 1939 © Dash Music Co. Ltd.
5. Here, I’m trying the “italics instead of language” method of non-English. The mispronounced words here roughly suggest mispronounced or mis-chosen words of the non-English language.
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The Yankees Nephew and the Philosophers Stone