Harry Potter and the Chamber of Laughs
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
2,577
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
2,577
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chappie 11
DUMPY DARLAS BATHROOM
(Goat charges Ron and Harry)
Harry: \"I THINK ITS GOING TO KILL!\"
(Harry, once again trigger happy, whips out wand)
Ron: \"No! She is only hungry, look here!\"
(Goat nibbles at Ron\'s legs)
(Ron giggles uncontrollably like a school girl)
Dumpy Darla: \"Why are you two here again!? Can\'t you see I am kind of BUSY?\"
(Darla is sitting up on the rafters knitting a blanket out of some sort of hardened dark material, as some of the larger bits fall to the ground)
Harry: \"Er- we wanted to know how, *snicker* how you died\"
(Harry stifles a laugh)
Darla: \"OY! Goat! Get BACK here!\"
(Ron looks disappointed as the goat flies/trots back to Darla)
Harry: \"HEL-LO! Come ON pe. Er. Er- Scar? *Points to fatty gash above eyes* Please continue\"
Darla: \"OooOooooOO It was awful\"
Ron: \"Ah Bloody hayo, you aren\'t going to start huffing and puffing and telling us all about your bloody stools again?\"
(The boys gesture over to the toilets)
Darla: \"AS I WAS SAYING!\"
(Harry and Ron twitter stupidly)
Goat: \"RrrRRRRRrBbbBBbLLAAaaAAaAAAaa!!\"
Harry: \"Huh?\"
Darla: \"Sorry. You upset my goat\"
Ron: \"Could you please hurry it up with the death thing. It reeks like an old truck stop in here!\"
Darla: \"OoOoO It was AWWWWFUL! A great big snake came out right over there *Gestures to a huge toilet apparently for the giants that attend school* and forced me to drink from its milk. I am lactose intolerant though, that is why I have my goat. I could only drink goat\'s milk. The snake\'s milk constipated me. The next thing I know - I died.\"
Harry: \"Really? That\'s incredibly nasty. But how did your goat die?\"
Darla: \"OoOOoOO IT WAS-\"
Ron: \"ENOUGH with the bloody \'oooo it was awful stuff\'!\"
(Harry winks at Ron and nods his head)
Darla: \"FINE. Anyway, the snake ate my goat after I died\"
(Ron looks sad and longingly toward the animal)
Goat: MmmMMmmBBbbBbAAaAaaaA!
Harry: \"Well then why are people not dying? Why are they only being stiffified?\"
(Darla starts crying)
Darla: \"SURE rub it in!!\"
(Harry gives a disbelieving and confused look)
Darla: \"They are not dying because they are NOT lactose intolerant! The milk they are forced to drink only makes them stiff\"
Harry and Ron: \"OoHhhh!\"
Ron: Well, how the hell is it getting around? A dirty GAWD DAM snake that big, SOMEONE would have seen it!
(Harry walks over to giant toilet)
Harry: \"This must be it\"
(Ron looks to Harry then back to the toilet)
Harry: \"This is it Ronny. It\'s the Aya of Aya\'s laya!\"
Ron: \"The toilet!? It\'s using the bloody PLUMBING?
Harry: *Shrugs* \"I dunno. Just sounded like a clever idea. Did it make me sound smart?\"
Ron: \"Yes, you had me fooled mate\"
(Ron gives Harry a quick sweet smile and a girlish laugh)
(Harry breaks into another one of his famous screaming songs and river dance)
Harry singing: OhhhHHhH yeah! Theres a slimy creepy snake inside the plumbing! It\'s slithering everywhere! It\'s INCAPABLE of running!!\"
(Ron joins in and starts dancing a little ditty waving his tooshie in the air)
Scary snake voice: SsSSSSssSick! You SssssssSssissssssys! SSsssstop that!
Harry: \"Oh NO!\"
Ron: \"What!?\"
Harry: \"RON! I THINK IT\'S GOING TO KILL!\"
Ron: \"Why would it do that?\"
Harry: \"I\'m not sure.\"
(Harry, Ron, Darla and her goat all stare at the toilet)
10 minutes later
Harry: \"I\'m bored.\"
IN THE HALL
(Harry and Ron walk out of bathroom)
Hermione: \"WHERE HAVE you two been?! Don\'t you know the plot of this freaky deaky story needs to be established?!
(Hermione stands wearing a bright red, tight spandex outfit and red high heeled shoes)
(Hermione looks deeply into Ron\'s eyes)
Ron: \"Er- What are you doing?\"
(Hermione stands; chest pushed out, and pats her rear end repeatedly with her manly hand)
Hermione: *lies* I am trying to lose weight! I heard that fidgeting burns calories!\"
Ron: \"Why? I already can\'t touch you with out thinking about grating cheese\"
(Harry suddenly looks to Ron accusingly)
Ron: \"Wha? OH I mean, not that I have EVER done that\"
(Suddenly a voice booms over the loud speaker)
Prof. McGorilla: OH MY GOD!! STAY CALM! ALL STUDENTS TO HAGROS HUT!! ALL TEACHERS TO THE 2nd FLOOR CORRIDOR!! OH MY GOD! THE BLOODY WORLD IS ENDING!! HEY YOU! I SAID STAY CALM!!! WHY I NEVER! 100 POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW!!
(A loud smack is heard followed by the crying of a small sounding child)
Harry: \"DUUUDE! Sounds like its time to break more rules!\"
(Harry and Ron high-five each other, run and bump chests and engage in a \'secret hand shake\')
Hermione: \"Can I come?! I\'m USEFUL! And smart!\"
Ron: Are you STILL here?!
(Hermione runs her lanky awkward body away, heels of feet kicking her rear end)
Ron: MEN-TAL that one!
(Harry agrees)
(Goat charges Ron and Harry)
Harry: \"I THINK ITS GOING TO KILL!\"
(Harry, once again trigger happy, whips out wand)
Ron: \"No! She is only hungry, look here!\"
(Goat nibbles at Ron\'s legs)
(Ron giggles uncontrollably like a school girl)
Dumpy Darla: \"Why are you two here again!? Can\'t you see I am kind of BUSY?\"
(Darla is sitting up on the rafters knitting a blanket out of some sort of hardened dark material, as some of the larger bits fall to the ground)
Harry: \"Er- we wanted to know how, *snicker* how you died\"
(Harry stifles a laugh)
Darla: \"OY! Goat! Get BACK here!\"
(Ron looks disappointed as the goat flies/trots back to Darla)
Harry: \"HEL-LO! Come ON pe. Er. Er- Scar? *Points to fatty gash above eyes* Please continue\"
Darla: \"OooOooooOO It was awful\"
Ron: \"Ah Bloody hayo, you aren\'t going to start huffing and puffing and telling us all about your bloody stools again?\"
(The boys gesture over to the toilets)
Darla: \"AS I WAS SAYING!\"
(Harry and Ron twitter stupidly)
Goat: \"RrrRRRRRrBbbBBbLLAAaaAAaAAAaa!!\"
Harry: \"Huh?\"
Darla: \"Sorry. You upset my goat\"
Ron: \"Could you please hurry it up with the death thing. It reeks like an old truck stop in here!\"
Darla: \"OoOoO It was AWWWWFUL! A great big snake came out right over there *Gestures to a huge toilet apparently for the giants that attend school* and forced me to drink from its milk. I am lactose intolerant though, that is why I have my goat. I could only drink goat\'s milk. The snake\'s milk constipated me. The next thing I know - I died.\"
Harry: \"Really? That\'s incredibly nasty. But how did your goat die?\"
Darla: \"OoOOoOO IT WAS-\"
Ron: \"ENOUGH with the bloody \'oooo it was awful stuff\'!\"
(Harry winks at Ron and nods his head)
Darla: \"FINE. Anyway, the snake ate my goat after I died\"
(Ron looks sad and longingly toward the animal)
Goat: MmmMMmmBBbbBbAAaAaaaA!
Harry: \"Well then why are people not dying? Why are they only being stiffified?\"
(Darla starts crying)
Darla: \"SURE rub it in!!\"
(Harry gives a disbelieving and confused look)
Darla: \"They are not dying because they are NOT lactose intolerant! The milk they are forced to drink only makes them stiff\"
Harry and Ron: \"OoHhhh!\"
Ron: Well, how the hell is it getting around? A dirty GAWD DAM snake that big, SOMEONE would have seen it!
(Harry walks over to giant toilet)
Harry: \"This must be it\"
(Ron looks to Harry then back to the toilet)
Harry: \"This is it Ronny. It\'s the Aya of Aya\'s laya!\"
Ron: \"The toilet!? It\'s using the bloody PLUMBING?
Harry: *Shrugs* \"I dunno. Just sounded like a clever idea. Did it make me sound smart?\"
Ron: \"Yes, you had me fooled mate\"
(Ron gives Harry a quick sweet smile and a girlish laugh)
(Harry breaks into another one of his famous screaming songs and river dance)
Harry singing: OhhhHHhH yeah! Theres a slimy creepy snake inside the plumbing! It\'s slithering everywhere! It\'s INCAPABLE of running!!\"
(Ron joins in and starts dancing a little ditty waving his tooshie in the air)
Scary snake voice: SsSSSSssSick! You SssssssSssissssssys! SSsssstop that!
Harry: \"Oh NO!\"
Ron: \"What!?\"
Harry: \"RON! I THINK IT\'S GOING TO KILL!\"
Ron: \"Why would it do that?\"
Harry: \"I\'m not sure.\"
(Harry, Ron, Darla and her goat all stare at the toilet)
10 minutes later
Harry: \"I\'m bored.\"
IN THE HALL
(Harry and Ron walk out of bathroom)
Hermione: \"WHERE HAVE you two been?! Don\'t you know the plot of this freaky deaky story needs to be established?!
(Hermione stands wearing a bright red, tight spandex outfit and red high heeled shoes)
(Hermione looks deeply into Ron\'s eyes)
Ron: \"Er- What are you doing?\"
(Hermione stands; chest pushed out, and pats her rear end repeatedly with her manly hand)
Hermione: *lies* I am trying to lose weight! I heard that fidgeting burns calories!\"
Ron: \"Why? I already can\'t touch you with out thinking about grating cheese\"
(Harry suddenly looks to Ron accusingly)
Ron: \"Wha? OH I mean, not that I have EVER done that\"
(Suddenly a voice booms over the loud speaker)
Prof. McGorilla: OH MY GOD!! STAY CALM! ALL STUDENTS TO HAGROS HUT!! ALL TEACHERS TO THE 2nd FLOOR CORRIDOR!! OH MY GOD! THE BLOODY WORLD IS ENDING!! HEY YOU! I SAID STAY CALM!!! WHY I NEVER! 100 POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW!!
(A loud smack is heard followed by the crying of a small sounding child)
Harry: \"DUUUDE! Sounds like its time to break more rules!\"
(Harry and Ron high-five each other, run and bump chests and engage in a \'secret hand shake\')
Hermione: \"Can I come?! I\'m USEFUL! And smart!\"
Ron: Are you STILL here?!
(Hermione runs her lanky awkward body away, heels of feet kicking her rear end)
Ron: MEN-TAL that one!
(Harry agrees)